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Nose Hair Lint Gland

FARE THEE WELL, BORG9 !

July 11, 2012
9:11 pm

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One could think that we at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND would be upset at the departure of BORG9, Supreme Art Critic for Life.  We are not.  In fact we are elated our Dear Leader has discarded his mortal body and is now completely free of encumbrances to smash punks throughout this and other Universes.


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BORG9 made his presence known in the Modern Era by turning the 2005 My Art Is Bigger Then Yours Contest (known by the Ancients as Borg 2)  into a Babel of Inanity that culminated in the choosing of the theme of The Great Hippie Dirt Fest 2006 to be “Show Me Your Tits: $300”.

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From that momentous occasion, The Beautiful One went on to smash punks  wherever punks needed to be smashed and to perform incredible feats such as opening that jar of jam that no one else could.
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And so in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLANDKaren CarpenterDr. Fiasco and SPECIAL GUESTS KrOB and PUZZLING EVIDENCE will pay homage toBORG9‘s legacy in this world and beyond.



NOSE HAIR LINT GLANDThe Golden Anvil of Smashing. 

This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:http://podcasts.radiovalencia.fm/nhlgClick Here for the Popup Player! http://radiovalencia.fm/popup_player.php 

 

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SPRING HUMAN SALE AT SEARS!

June 20, 2012
9:01 pm

For hundreds of years, our top scientists have struggled to find valid classifications of groups within the human population (“mankind”, “people”, “earthlings”), i.e., the scientific sorting out of groups among humans that are so clearly distinct that they require special care and feeding.  However, there really was no reason for confusion, since the Clothing Department at Sears figured it out long ago.  All humans can be classified as a member of one of the following :

Women’s  –  Men’s  –  Young Men’s  –  Juniors  –  Girls  –  Boys  –  Baby  & Toddler

(we do note the Sears Human Nomenclatural Reference System is strongly gender-based, which accurately reflects the attention to gender within normal human intercourse, however it is the catchy ad copy and lovely, perky and thin models that are exactly how we want our species look like to our eventual alien conquerors).  Therefore, on their FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Dr. Fiasco and SPECIAL GUEST “FKO”(!) will use science to make controversial, inflammatory and stereotypical remarks about each of these groups, especially Baby & Toddler.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Looking Good for Easter!

This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

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IS IT KICKING IN YET?

June 13, 2012
7:15 pm

Let’s do a show about drugs. Have we done a drug show yet? We must have but I’ve, uh, forgotten. In any case, no one will notice. We sample some William Burroughs, put some North Korean patriotic marching music in the background, slowed down 1000% with reverb on the whole thing and we have a drug show, which is basically what we do every goddamn week. Hey, who turned on the reverb? No, not the reverb on the North Korean music, someone turned on the reverb in the real world. Yes, the real world, the big real world out there of Atoms, Eight-Ball Glasses and Elvis. I’m hungry. I am going to grill some chicken. Who wants some grilled chicken? Ok, it’s grilled chicken for me, you, the purple crocodile over there in the corner (brown meat only, got it!) Sidharta Gautama over here won’t have any cuz he’s vegetarian. Zeus wants some lamb. We don’t have any lamb. Zeus can grill his own damn lamb, he’s a deity and he beds all the hotties in Greece, it’s not unreasonable to expect Zeus to fend for himself. And so in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND with Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco (with cameo appearance by Bob-Marc the Martian Adonis) we’re going to talk about… about… what was that again? Ah yes, we’re going to talk about stuff like:

“Tracks”, The Pre-School Drug Otter with Way Too Much Street Cred

What if we hired two Detectives and told them to follow each other?

Is it really fun to stay at the YMCA? Or is it a vast conspiracy by the Bohemian Grove people to sell us gym memberships?

How about we dose all the Shawarma and Falafel in the Middle East with Ecstasy and solve the war once and for all?

How many micrograms to turn Pol Pot into Santa Claus?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Please pass the corn chips, the mayonnaise and the can of condensed milk.

This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

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A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF DISCOMFORT

June 6, 2012
5:59 pm

Last week, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND discussed the ponytailed guy from Marin who hugs you for 30 seconds too long.  Now on most radio programs, a simple shiver up your spine and that would be the end of it.  Not here in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND!   Tonight the real kreepy krew of Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and Bob-Marc will bring you many more examples of near universal unpleasantness, but stopping just short of outright disgust, and advice on how to deal with:
Cuddle parties and how to keep them “wood-free”.

The Guy With a Bottle of Lotion offering free “massages” at the hot springs

That ethnic food that looks like invertebrates and tastes like turpentine.

Ron Paul groupies.

Friends who are “artists“.

The Sketchy Russian Guy who Spends All Night Trying to Drag You to “Ecstasy party with best woman, best DJ, best drink, just for you my friend”.

Religious Proselytizers and their close cousins, Smug Atheists.That co-worker who keeps asking where you will be next weekend.

Acquaintances that belong to one of the many San Francisco cults, such as People’s Temple, Landmark, Dahn, The Gap , Apple, Burning Man, and of course the worst, most evangelical and intellectually bankrupt of all – Dot Com Libertarians.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND:  Ignoring your boundaries since 2010

This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:http://podcasts.radiovalencia.fm/nhlg

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MARIN COUNTY X-GAMES !

May 30, 2012
9:33 pm


Last week, Radio Valencia Station Czar John Hell, the man for whom “Bloviating Ignoramus” would be a compliment, decided to turn Radio Valencia to a 24/7 Sports format.  Hey, not such a bad idea, considering he hired an ASL translator to make Radio Valencia ADA-compliant.


For the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLANDKaren CarpenterDr. Fiasco and Bob-Marc (DJ Laptop Static!), will cover the most listened to sporting event in America.  No, not Naked Shuffleboard…  It’s The Marin County X-Games, sponsored by National Public Radio.  Listen in as they give you the play by play to:

ENTITLEMENT MARATHON – the never-ending battle to see who has more hyphens to describe their ethic origins
¿QUIEN ES MAS VERDE? – the annual contest by Marin homeowners to hire the most migrant lawn workers just to keep them from cutting the grass
NPR TOTE BAG SACK RACE – self explanatory, ‘eh? 

The “WHO WATCHES LESS TV?” Challenge – watch in awe as competitors are allotted 15 minutes a month to watch TV, and those 15 minutes can only be spent watchingMasterpiece Theater or PBS Fundraiser Doo Wop bands.

The “I AM A LIBERAL ENVIRONMENTALIST BUT PLEASE RUN YOUR PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM THROUGH SOM
E OTHER NEIGHBORHOOD” Mental Gymnastics Event

And finally:

The Passive Aggressive Philanthropy Competition – watch competitors  attempt to top  current World Champion George Lucas.  You don’t want my movie studio here?  Fine.  How about some Low Income Housing with a Methadone Clinic and an Adult Novelty Store next to the Strip Mall instead?


And it will sound just great on your Eton Solar Powered Flashlight and Flat Screen Radio!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND:  720 Method Ollie Fakie Into Slob Air Kung Fu Supreme Switch Stance For The Win!
This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

http://podcasts.r

 

adiovalencia.fm/nhlg

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BIRDS, BEES AND DR. FIASCO

May 17, 2012
12:13 am

… And it came to pass that unto Casa Pequeño Fiasco there was a great commotion that lasted three days and three nights, with much rending of sheets and boiling of water. …  And unto Dr. Fiasco, Mrs. Dr. Fiasco delivered a she child, who was named in accordance with the customs of the Mission Hipsters (and lacking a spectacularly rich relative to suck up to), that the she child shall be called Lúcia, so that forever may she challenge the diacritically disabled language of her mother.  …And, as was foretold by texting from the Ancient Blog of The Old Ones Who Remember DOS, that tonight, on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc will explain to Dr. Fiasco that when a bee and a bird love each other very much and give each other a very special hug, then not even the president can do much about it.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND:  Mazel Tov!

This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

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YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY

May 9, 2012
9:06 pm

Last week the music world lost a most beloved figure that influenced many, created a unique sound and truly *believed* in the party.

We are talking, of course, about Lloyd Brevett, bass player interplanetary, thermodynamic and extraordinaire of the Skatalites.

And what better music for Fighting for the Party or Partying during the Fight than Ska?

In tonight’s FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen “Jai Mahal” Carpenter, Bob “China Kane” Marc, Dr. “Coconut Wireless” Fiasco and Special Guest DJ Geek “Babylon Badaboom” Freak present a Very Rude Show, lobbing the Stoniest Stones from da Islandsand elsewhere in your general auditory direction.

In other news, the NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND marketing department has joined forces with the enterprising folks at Lost Weekend Video and their Cine Cave in a cross-marketing scam, ahem, promotion where  we finance their goofball habit  and they put our show in their billboard on Valencia Street (between 21st and 22nd)

This is what we got:

http://drfiasco.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/nhlgmarquee.jpg

While it looks more like a coded message about a dead drop to the Spy Master of the People’s Republic of Fiaskistan, we are quite pleased with the result and encourage all our three listeners to go there this week and take pictures next to it,.  Also, park a black van with some TV antennas on it in front of the store for a day.  Or something.

And finally, Chicken John remixed, because it never gets old:

http://drfiasco.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/nhlgchickenmessage1.mp3

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Simmer down.


This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

http://podcasts.radiovalencia.fm/nhlg

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BADDER BUSINESS BUREAU

April 25, 2012
8:06 pm

Business.  It’s how money is made, even though your parents told you that money is made when the Chief Jerk of Halliburton and the VP of Bullshit of Goldman Sachs like each other so much they have a “special hug” and out comes a Collateralized Debt Obligation.   Nonsense.   In the FINAL BROADCASTof NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Lackadaisical Karen Carpenter, Inept Bob Marc and Ne’er-do-well Dr. Fiasco are all business as they analyze the quarterly earnings of their FAVORITE FICTITIOUS COMPANIES,including:

Me Love You Long Time Assisted Senior Living

Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence Catholic School and Day Care


Victory at Sea Clam Chowder Hut

Nobody Fucks With The Jesus Church of Latter Day Saints

Mulch World

Dubya’s Bowling Shoe Rentals

Bob Mould University

100% Unironic, Grammatically Correct and Fastidiously Spelled Japanese T-Shirts

Jihad A-Go-Go Bar & Grill

Teeth Must Be Brushed in Counterclockwise Motion Before Cunnilingus Swiss Sex Club & Dungeon of Pleasure

Frankenstein Jones’ Discount Exotic Dancers Bureau

El Cabrón Stereo Deals

Corleone Law Partners

Curious George Institute of Technology

Doghouse McGee Fine Art

Phantomas Chiropractor

Earth Bliss Pork Products

40 Acres and a Mule Adventure Tours

AND MUCH MORE!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND:  Crying all the way to the bank.


This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

http://podcasts.radiovalencia.fm/nhlg

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THIS SHITTY RENTAL UNIT

April 18, 2012
9:03 pm

Strange as it may seem, Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc live in San Francisco homes they own… but then again they are a highly skilled and over-paid building contractor and a male Martian Mission stripper, respectively.  Dr. Fiasco, Mrs. Dr. Fiasco and the imminent Ms. Dr. Fiasco Jr. live in a typical Mission Modern rental apartment… 412 sq.ft. of family bliss wrapped in pink tile, drywall counter tops, iron security gates, pillows soaked with tears and a closet…. so everyone is experts on rentals.  Join the radio crew this week, along with their guest SF Building Inspector Ron Whay and SPECIAL GUEST DJ GEEK FREAK, the only Scotsman known to own a tooth brush, as the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND  explores what goes into an apartment unit to rationalize the rent crime.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND:  Pulling a permit right now.
This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

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THE SHOW SO AWFUL YOU’LL GO DEAF

April 11, 2012
8:55 pm

Inspired, or perhaps humiliated by the recent announcement that Lou Reed will collaborate with Insane Clown Posse to produce something to “blow the fucking minds of anyone whose (sic) down with the clown and with 70’s fag rock”, the atrophied brains of Karen Carpenter, Bob Marc and Dr. Fiasco have cobbled together another lame excuse for a Show With No Expectations Whatsoever.  Put on your headphones for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, settle into a hot tub of hydraulic fluid and ball bearings, light up a cupcake and kiss your cloaca goodbye.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND:  What?

This Wednesday from 10 PM to Midnight
87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm
CALL-IN line:415-875-9051

You can now download podcasts, get RSS link and sign up for an iTunes subscription for all NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episodes at:

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