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THE FINAL BROADCAST
RURAL PURGE
December 4, 2013 10:00pm
"The calendar said 1970, but for millions of loyal television viewers it was the year that CBS gave them the finger. It has gone down in history as the Rural Purge and until CBS decided that for some bizarre reason Katie Couric was qualified to anchor the evening news broadcast, it was the biggest mistake that network had ever made. In one fell swoop of the axe, every tree was eliminated from the prime time lineup. That was the way that actor Pat Buttram, who played Mr. Haney on Green Acres, put it: "It was the year CBS killed everything with a tree in it."


Fred Silverman, the creative genius who gave the world Supertrain, had been installed as head of programming at CBS and he had decided that the network looked too rednecky. As a result, these shows were all immediately canceled: Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, Hee Haw, The Glenn Campbell Goodtime Hour, The Jim Nabors Show, and the spinoff of Andy Griffith called Mayberry RFD..."


That was written by some blogger who wasn't even alive to see the slaughter. Of course Karen Carpenter lived through it, and likes nothing less that a media critic lamenting the good ol' days of TV before "Buck Rogers in the 23rd Century". But you know what Karen Carpenter likes even less than know-it-all-media bloggers and NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND co-hosts (or know-it-all-media bloggers who are co-hosts)? Marginal themes for the show submitted by listeners.... and just to prove the hate, you will be forced to watch Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc, KrOB, PuzzEv ruin the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND tonight at 10pm in LIVING COLOR!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Urban and urbane.

Chatroom History
December 4, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Tom Brokaw: You all have trouble pronouncing your "L's." (10:06pm)
Puzzling Evidence: I'm afraid that Alan B. couldn't make it tonight. (10:07pm)
Puzzling Evidence: I know you don't care but Lou Reed drowned out the Pixley story. (10:09pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Pixley: http://bit.ly/192mTJ0 (10:10pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Who cares what happened to the Beverly Hillbillies: http://bit.ly/192mTJ0 (10:11pm)
Puzzling Evidence: No, this link: http://yhoo.it/192n3jm (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Trucker in hay-bale wreck near Pixley gets $1.9 million payout http://bit.ly/192nbPO (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Beverly Hillbillies A XXX Parody http://bit.ly/192nevg (10:14pm)
Alan B.: This looks like it might even be funny. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee http://bit.ly/192nv1e (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Tonight's Dr. Who reference: Andrew Pixley http://bit.ly/192nWIF (10:22pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ This article is written from a real world point of view (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Sadly, all of the copies of http://bit.ly/192ofDr* are taken down (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: I think jethro has a casino in Carson city nv (10:25pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Damn right. I am straight edge all the way now. (10:26pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Ah yes, Fko and I. happiest night of my life, singing the gay version of Oakie From Muskogee. Chicken kicked us out of the stage. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: XXX rock on, Dr. Fiasco (10:27pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I softly rock on (10:28pm)
Dr. Fiasco: like Styx (10:28pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I'm working, no singing for me. (10:28pm)
Dr. Fiasco: PLAY MORE THINGS ALL AT ONCE (10:29pm)
Dr. Fiasco: NOT ENOUGH THINGS! (10:29pm)
Dr. Fiasco: MORE! MORE! (10:29pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco, maybe you'll just HAVE to go to the studio to straighten the mess out! (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Okay, found it: Weird Al - Money For Nothing-Beverly Hillbillies http://bit.ly/192ofDr* (10:31pm)
Dr. Penny: Plus, everyone loves hearing Dr. Fiasco on the radio! (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I love this song and learned to play it on piano as a child. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Faisco is a beloved guest host. Sean Kelly Halluciation as well. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: 1993: Jerry Springer with the Beverly Hillbillies Cast, pt. 1 of 2!! http://bit.ly/192oY7u (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Mmmmmmwha! (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I had mixed emotions about Mrs. Douglas, somewhere between wanting her to be my mom and my girlfriend. <-- Oversharing (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Fiasco, maybe if they added a drill press, or a pile driver? (10:39pm)
Alan B.: TVA at Work 1935 US Department of Interior, Tennessee Valley Authority http://bit.ly/192pB17 (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Never mind, it's a slilent film (!) (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Amy Adams red carpet at The Muppets http://bit.ly/192pHWp (10:44pm)
Alan B.: H. O. T. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: I just watched them endlessly in reruns. (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: Where's the list (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Beverly Hillbillies, stoners (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: Didn't they say bh, pj & bh? (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hooterville is as well-understood a place as Daria's Lawndale or The Simpsons' Springfield: http://bit.ly/192qpDa (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Yes, vj, they did. (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: thought so. But wait. They're just now starting the hadron collider (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Sam Drucker, the grocer and postmaster, gives the Zip code for Hooterville as 40516. 40516 is a Zip code for Lexington, Kentucky, a city 375 miles (604 km) from Chicago. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ FUCKING SCIENCE! ^^^^^ (10:55pm)
vj pussycat: I love harmony khorine (10:55pm)
Alan B.: My particles. They are accelleratign. (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: which movie nobody likes but you, sherilyn? (10:56pm)
Alan B.: According to the logic of the script, Hooterville may be fairly close to New York City, as characters such as Oliver Wendell Douglas, a former New York City lawyer, and his wife Lisa's mother make trips to and from New York on an occasional basis and appear to make a round trip in a day's time. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: By the way, I got an A on my Microeconomics exam. (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: yes congrats (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Mais, oui. (10:58pm)
Sherilyn: "Only God Forgives," VJ. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Merci. (10:59pm)
vj pussycat: tu francais? (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Ma femme est francais. (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I have a great job working for a contractor of a Big 10 university temping in the IT office for one of their engineering departments. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Because I chucked that stupid BA in Communications and got a BS in SCIENCE. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: J'ai habiter en France pendent tres ans. (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: des quelle age? (11:02pm)
Alan B.: This hour of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND brought to you by Radio Valencia brand Large Hadron Collider Cleaner (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Des 1994 a 1997. J'ai 34 ans a l'epoque. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Phew, is my French rusty. (11:04pm)
vj pussycat: you know the best cleaner is simply alcohol and salt (11:04pm)
Alan B.: I came back from Xmas break one year at Antioch an my roomate had melted my bong with rubbing alcohol, trying to get the resin out. (11:05pm)
vj pussycat: Mine is most rustiest (11:05pm)
Alan B.: But she bought me a new one. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: It adds to the flavor. (11:06pm)
vj pussycat: That was nice of her but how did it melt? She lit it on fire? (11:06pm)
Alan B.: The alcohol broke down the polymers in the acrylic or whatever the bong was made of. (11:06pm)
vj pussycat: The flavor de francais ou resin? (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: oh yea, I forgot they used to be made of plastic. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: I only got to smoke up in Amsterdam over a weekend during my time in France. I was too scardey to go cop. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Plus, I had to learn French. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Kronos Gyros http://bit.ly/18nbvU7 (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Did you spend time in France, vj pussycat? (11:10pm)
Alan B.: What's a knee grow? (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: ah, mais no. six ans en ecole only. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: De donc, t'a l'orthographie, mieux que la mien. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: BOOOOPER! What's that girl? KrOB fell down a well? (11:13pm)
Alan B.: In this space: Karen Carpenter fishes for public complements. (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: est de donc egal de of course? (11:18pm)
Alan B.: JFK only did the hard things. (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Yes. My in-laws are from Normandie and that's their verbal tic. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: The other thing is snapshots of amateur brony furry porn. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: JFK==Hitler. Godwin notwithstanding. (11:21pm)
Alan B.: I laugh like a goon when he says "Luke Skywarmer." (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: c'est familia (?) but I was going on context. and qu'est la mien? (11:22pm)
Alan B.: mine. (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: so you said of course, you have the logo of my cat? (11:24pm)
Alan B.: I guess the Weathermen will have a hard time blowing up their server. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: "Of coure, you have good spelling, beter than mine. " (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Oh, oh, here he comes, he's a man-licker. .. . (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Oh, snap. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Nice, Bob-Marc! (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: oh mieux is better. I thought it was cat. Tres funny (11:28pm)
Alan B.: They're fuckiing script-stealing code monkies. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Are you cleaning your dope with the PSA cards? (11:29pm)
Alan B.: vj pussycat, I admire anyone who learns any French here. I didn't learn a lick until I moved to France and had to buy cigarettes and meat. (11:30pm)
vj pussycat: it's only been 29 years since my last French class (11:31pm)
Alan B.: KrOB can't hang with Rural Purge. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: It sounds like Karen is ramming PSA cards into his processor fan. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: The worst groupies blow the DJ at WWV-H. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: The Shitty Beatles: http://bit.ly/18ndlnT (11:36pm)
Alan B.: The Shitty Beatles play Abbey Road: http://bit.ly/18ndmZf (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: fuck this radio Valencia app pisses me off and I will not re-type the intended multi-line post lost to accidental logout (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Such a good parody. (11:42pm)
Alan B.: Sorry to hear that, vj. (11:43pm)
vj pussycat: yea it's ok. It was just more French dropping (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Joe Strummer and his endless cunt. (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: ooh I met joe strummer. He was very nice. (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: I didn't meet his cunt (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: oh sherilyn, i forgot to save the name of that movie to look up and now it's out of scrollback ability. (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: dirk diggler (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: was it only god forgives or something like that? (11:54pm)
Sherilyn: "Only God Forgives," yep. (11:54pm)
Deadwood: cunt.. (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: cool thx (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: pussy is not a bad word (11:55pm)
Alan B.: I zonked; (12:14am)
Alan B.: out. (12:14am)
Alan B.: G'nite! (12:14am)
Alan B.: It was a blast. (12:15am)
vj pussycat: it's currently 2 where i'm at (12:16am)

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