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THE FINAL BROADCAST
THE STORY OF THE MONKEY KING
March 19, 2014 10:00pm
Once there were three monkeys: a red monkey (Karen Carpenter), a blue monkey (Bob-Marc) and a yellow monkey (Sherilyn Connelly). They lived on a giant triangle, and every day they would walk around the triangle, keeping an exact distance from one another. The yellow monkey followed the blue monkey, the blue monkey followed the red monkey, and the red monkey followed the yellow monkey.

Three times a day they would defecate on the corners of the triangle. The yellow monkey ate the blue monkey shit, the blue monkey ate the red monkey shit, and the red monkey ate the shit from the yellow monkey.

Then, on the the FINAL BROADAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, the blue monkey grew tired of the yellow monkey following him around all day. So he waited on the corner and he killed her. He then resumed his route.

At the next corner was some red monkey shit,
At the next corner waited nothing.
At the next corner was the dead yellow monkey.
At the next corner was the dead red monkey, who had missed two meals and died.
At the next corner waited nothing again.
At the next corner was the dead yellow monkey.
At the next corner was the dead red monkey.
At the next corner still waited nothing.

So the blue monkey sat down on the corner and waited for things to get better.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: With apologies to Cory McAbee, and nobody else.

Chatroom History
March 19, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: Okay, I guess DNS farted. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: No, you can shittalk me. I don't mind. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: There is some kind of intermittent connection problem. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: HERE COMES THE FUCKING ASTEROID WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Oooooooo, look at BobMarc! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: The next celestial event begins in 17:33 seconds http://bit.ly/1fIXUZI (10:22pm)
Alan B.: LOL Edie Brickell and the Auto-Erotic Suicides (10:23pm)
Alan B.: There is a Chicago Radio gag to the effect that, every time you turn to WXRT-FM, they are playing Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Do I have to sign up to see this SLOOH thing? (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Okay, I figured it out. Click on ASTEROID ECLIPSES STAR (10:25pm)
Alan B.: When Dr. Hal comes to forcibly do things to you at midnight, just lay back and think of England, dear. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Someboyd get Dr. Hal a beer. (10:26pm)
Karen Carpenter: http://bit.ly/1fIXUZI (10:27pm)
Alan B.: 12:47 until we are obliterated (10:27pm)
Alan B.: krOb sounds like he fell down a well. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: It adds texture. He's a bit louder. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: OCD proof that RV was down. http://bit.ly/1fIXUZI (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Wrong link. Here we go: http://bit.ly/1fIYsyJ (10:31pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1fIYsyJ (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I hope somebody has some Lancelot Link ready to go. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Lancelot Link - The Chilling Chump Chase http://bit.ly/1fIYxT8 (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I guess it's a visual thing. And who the fuck is Ed Sullivan? (10:33pm)
Alan B.: (Anyway, you know . . . chimps are apes.) (10:33pm)
Alan B.: DOOOOOOOCHEBAAAAAAAAG. (10:34pm)
Dr. Penny: It's a funky monkey. http://bit.ly/1fIYDtU (10:34pm)
Sherilyn: http://bit.ly/1fIYDKw (10:34pm)
Alan B.: +1 Internets for Dr. Penny (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Who was scintillating on Ask Dr. Hal on Friday. (10:35pm)
Dr. Penny: :) (10:35pm)
Alan B.: You know. . . back when Radio Valencia WORKED. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Goddamn, Sherilyn, just . . . goddamn. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Why is kr0b in the Low-Gain seat traditionally occupied by BobMarc? (10:37pm)
Alan B.: DJ 50 San Franciscos (10:39pm)
Alan B.: The gayest DJ (10:39pm)
Alan B.: But everyone in "Tickle Me" is wearing white panties. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Hey, Pete, this lack of delivery is awesome. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: There needs to be a name for these kr0b-isms. Like Rich Hall had Snigletts, which was only slighty cute/racist (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Put monkey brains in your Large Hadron Collider (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Okay, Pete, delivery has started. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: I'm watching my browser and listening to delayed audio on Radio Valencia SO MUCH MEAT (10:44pm)
Alan B.: META (10:44pm)
Alan B.: META MEAT (10:44pm)
Alan B.: I'M GONNA KICK YOU RIGHT IN THE TELESCOPE, LIMEY! (10:44pm)
Alan B.: This looks like Pac Man. Big dot, little dot. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: That's why the Space Guy Rambling is the only part of ADH you can uploatd to YouTube, because kr0b has lost the will to mix. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Hey, your little do is in my big dot! (10:47pm)
Alan B.: What the hell do these limeys have to do with monkeys? (10:47pm)
Alan B.: MIRTH CLOCK (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: It could disappear like an airplane in the South Pacific. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: It's the Time Thrust that really drives you insane. (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: I remember. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: CNN told me that the airplane was swept up by Jehovah. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Why is Fred Flintstone iradicating humans? (10:50pm)
Dr. Penny: JHVH-1 (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Those souls belong to the Space Bankers, now. (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Low-power monkey license (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Is the Radio Valencia Council of Elders as boring as The Phantom Menace? http://bit.ly/1fIZYB9 (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Tweeter and the Monkey Man: http://bit.ly/1fJ0izM (10:55pm)
Sherilyn: http://bit.ly/1fJ0q2d (10:57pm)
Alan B.: In your monkey suit, you just look like a monkey! http://bit.ly/1fJ0y1G (10:58pm)
Alan B.: (Pssst, Sherilyn . . . ape.) (10:59pm)
Alan B.: And the version of Monkey Suit that doesn't sound like shit: http://bit.ly/1fJ0I9c (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Atari 2600 Donkey Kong looks like an asteroid passing in front of some star or something. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Watch out for flying monkey poop. (11:02pm)
Sherilyn: This cover always freaked me out as a kid: http://bit.ly/1fJ0UFs (11:03pm)
Alan B.: As it should!! (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Seriously? Nobody has seen fit to depricate Cymbal-banging monkey toy? http://bit.ly/1fJ13IX (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Submitted for your approval: http://bit.ly/1fJ16V7 (11:05pm)
Alan B.: I see Saturn. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: <3 (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Earliest childhood memory: Grandma in Florida mailed us red plastic Banana Splits promotional cereal bowls. Best grandma ever. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Here's another monkey reference with very little audio payoff: Organ-grinder's monkey http://bit.ly/1fJ1rYa (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Jocko Homo means "Monkey Man." (11:12pm)
Alan B.: Mothersbaugh was a student at Kent State University when a friend gave him a pamphlet called "Jocko Homo, Heaven Bound King of the Apes." (11:12pm)
Alan B.: It was a religious pamphlet debunking evolution, (11:13pm)
Alan B.: explaining how absurd the idea was (11:14pm)
Alan B.: that a man (11:14pm)
Alan B.: would descend (11:14pm)
Alan B.: from a monkey (11:14pm)
Alan B.: You know that God made man, but he used a monkey to do it. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Apes in the plan, and we're all here to do it. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: prove it. http://bit.ly/1fJ1Ppq (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Jocko Homo, Heavenbound King of the Zoo http://bit.ly/1fJ1UcO (11:17pm)
Dr. Penny: After 5+ days of creation, it only took 1 day to create humans. (11:18pm)
Alan B.: To create man. Then, it took 15 minutes and bone to make a woman. (11:19pm)
Dr. Penny: lickety split (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Infinite monkey theorem http://bit.ly/1fJ28AH (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Digital monkeys with typewriters recreate Shakespeare http://cnn.it/1fJ2bMW (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Curly Howard was the master of film comedy. I state this unapologetically. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Get out our hankey: The Final Years of Curly (of Three Stooges Fame) http://bit.ly/1fJ2zLd (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Failed Marriage (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Stroke Aftermath (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Declining Health (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Last Days (11:28pm)
Alan B.: "Gee Jules, I guess I'll never be able to make the children laugh again." (11:28pm)
Alan B.: RATINGS POISON (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Who hasn't Lindsay Lohan fucked? http://some.ly/1fJ2XcF (11:31pm)
Alan B.: Somebody over there was young in the 1970s. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Doppleganger, turn in your badge and gun. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1fJ3oDX (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Schock den Affen http://bit.ly/1fJ3pHZ (11:39pm)
Alan B.: Monkeys and apes in space http://bit.ly/1fJ3uLN (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Did NASA Leave Monkeys In Space? NASA KILLED 10 MONKEYS http://bit.ly/1fJ3ICG//youtu.be/Y8Im DoWjwUg?t=38s (11:44pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1fJ3M5a (11:44pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ working link (11:44pm)
Alan B.: MARK MARK MARK THEY ARE PERFORMING EXPERIMENTS ON ANIMALS IN SPACE THEY ARE PERFORMING (11:45pm)
Alan B.: HORRIBLE (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Steve Wilcox Options for this story Curley: Dr. I'm troubled by TS, Moe: TS? Curley: Yes, Two stomachs. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Grumble. I hit refresh by accident and lost my stream. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: So, PE is now The Storytellers? (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Best. Part. Of. The. Show: hosts make monkey sounds (11:49pm)
Alan B.: DR. HAL WILL HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU ALL. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: In this episode: Dr. Fiasco touches BobMarc's meat. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: G'nite, lovely people. It was nice to be missed. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Space never pays off. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: MMMM (11:56pm)
Alan B.: h a l (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Hal (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Wow, you can't type Doctor H A L (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Okay, you can. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Zero boy (11:59pm)
Alan B.: Why, Sherilyn?! (12:00am)
Alan B.: I sense that attendees will see boobies. (12:02am)
Alan B.: ASK DR HAL AT THE DARK ROOM THEATRE 10 PM SATURDAY (12:02am)
Alan B.: Don't worry, I'll send money when told to. (12:03am)
Alan B.: April 11, 2014 (12:03am)
Alan B.: is the second Friday of next month. (12:04am)
Alan B.: LARGEST HADRONS EVER (12:04am)
Alan B.: Don't lose the show, bro. (12:05am)
Alan B.: And don't forget to throw the motherfucking fan out the window. (12:05am)
Alan B.: LEAVE EARL ALONE!!! (12:05am)
Alan B.: Hal really needs to let Sherilyn know how fucking awsome she is. (12:06am)
Alan B.: I miss the monkeys. (12:07am)
Alan B.: In this segment: People whine about work. (12:10am)
Alan B.: Landing the first Israeli spacecraft on the moon: http://bit.ly/PSpUFB (12:11am)
Alan B.: A rat done bit my sister Nell, and landsmen on the moon. (12:12am)
Alan B.: Don't talk to Pete about SubDeenies, he hates that. (12:13am)
Alan B.: THERE BE HADRONS HERE! (12:14am)
Alan B.: Seething Paris sites. (12:20am)
Alan B.: Dr. Hal's forceful stalking. (12:22am)
Alan B.: Vagitarians. (12:22am)
Alan B.: I loved that Lego movie. Go see it. (12:27am)
Alan B.: Scandal at KPFA!! (12:33am)
Alan B.: Doug is thrown under the bus by the best. (12:34am)
Alan B.: Will you fucking go home, I need to sleep. (12:42am)

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