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THE FINAL BROADCAST
CARNIVAL
May 21, 2014 10:00pm
Carnival. Such a simple concept... of, uh... what? What the gosh darn it is Carnival anway? According to your laptop, Carnival is a festive season which occurs immediately before Lent; the main events are usually during February. Uh, ok, but that would mean those Norwalk virus laden cruise boats should only sicken vacationing families right after New Years, while cable news reports vomiting souls on the high seas every week.

How about Carnivle, that short-lived Dust Bowl era TV show with eerie supernatural undertones? Cancelled abruptly, without closure. HBO instead decided to spin a long, violent and disturbing tale about an imaginary world of ice zombies, boobs, terrible accents and boobs. Screw you, George R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin.

Ah, here it is! Carnaval, the annual street parade and festival in San Francisco, California on the last weekend in May, known for spectacular choreographed dancers and scantily clad beautiful women. A celebration of rebirth every spring. An opportunity to purchase churros, BBQ burritos, jerk everyting mahn, and wash it down with an ice cold plastic bottle of water, sold to you by a charming 7 year old girl for one American dollar. Somehow, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence will cobble together a carnival-like atmosphere for your seasonal ritual of rebirth. Yeah, that's the ticket!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Anyway you spell it, it's still NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.


Chatroom History
May 21, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

Alan B.: I always wanted to be a carny. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: A. Carney http://bit.ly/1jWGACn (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Undo theme. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Shit sucks. http://bit.ly/1jWGACn (10:12pm)
Alan B.: This also sucks. http://nyti.ms/1jWHzlT (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Sucking up to Bob Marc is like fucking the write. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: writer. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Worse radio http://bit.ly/1jWHTkD (10:15pm)
Alan B.: My favorite bad radio team, courtesy of Jay Mohr: Rape Kit and Crawl Space http://bit.ly/1jWI4MO (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Fuck your Gang of Porns. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: There is not nearly enough technical adjustment this week. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Jesus Christ, you guys know some real assholes. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Wait, I'm wrong. You guys know some real cunts. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Darkest Nose Hair Lint Gland ever. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Body Count is back, my negroes. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Logorrhea After Brain Injury http://bit.ly/1jWIKSq (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Stay out! (10:24pm)
Alan B.: BODY COUNT - Talk S**t, Get Shot (Official Music Video) http://bit.ly/1jWITp8 (10:25pm)
Alan B.: You logorrheic tranny wannabes are far too interesting for Ann Arbor. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Pete's wall http://bit.ly/1jWJcQC (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Oh, shit, here we go. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: The letter F and the numeral Truck. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: This is all going to be so awkward at the Radio Valencia Benefit. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: KrOB, I love that pic of Paris Hilton so much. http://bit.ly/1jWJB5G (10:32pm)
Alan B.: The LEM cannot travel slower than 55,000 mph. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I was confused, but we midwesterners are slow. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I am touched, but I'm also outside the in joke. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: IT'S MY TURN TO SCREAM THE LOUD FUNNY WORDS. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: I feel: Audio Book http://bit.ly/1jWK5sB (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I like Pete's wall. It is made of attractive rectangular stuff. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Goddamn, Sherilyn, if I didn't do that very thing. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: February 1979 ABC Saturday Night Promo Love Boat & Fantasy http://bit.ly/1jWKQSm (10:37pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1jWMd3u (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Boy, will the SEO manager be confused when he sees this referer: http://bit.ly/1jWN0Bt (10:41pm)
Alan B.: I can't even get to SF, much less buy a cruise. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: There are two fans, there's VJ Pussycat. And Kat Herding. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: But you are only allowed one at at time. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: This show is missing the Bob Marc Effect. His channel that doesn't have enough gain is missed. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Who wrote this fucking letter?! (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Can I get Chronos to say, "Sucks times infinity like puce schlag on a sausage fest?" (10:45pm)
Alan B.: 45 minutes through burning tunnels. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Google translate: Spanish: Chupa veces infinito como schlag puce en un festival de la salchicha (10:52pm)
Alan B.: German: Sucks mal unendlich wie puce schlag auf einer Wurst Fest (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hmong: Tsis zoo sij hawm infinity zoo li puce schlag rau ib tug hnyuv ntxwm Fest (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hindi: %u090F%u0915 %u0938%u0949%u0938%u0947%u091C %u0909%u0924%u094D%u0938%u0935 %u092A%u0930 %u0917%u0939%u0930%u093E %u092D%u0942%u0930%u093E %u0930%u0902%u0917 schlag %u0910%u0938%u0947 %u0938%u092E%u092F %u0905%u0928%u0902%u0924 %u092C%u0947%u0915%u093E%u0930 (10:53pm)
Alan B.: This Chatterbox is not Unicode friendly. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Irish: Sucks amanna Infinity cosil schlag puce ar fest ispn (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Czech: Sucks krt nekone%u010Dno jako puce Schlaga na uzeniny fest (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Hey, seriously, did you guys have show while Hal was pounding on the door? Is it podcasted somewhere? (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Turkish: Bir sosis fest puce schlag gibi sonsuz kere berbat (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Dutch: Zuigt tijden oneindigheid zoals puce schlag op een worst fest (10:58pm)
Alan B.: HOTEL INDIA FOXTROT (10:59pm)
Alan B.: WE SAID FUCK YOU, MAN! (11:00pm)
Sesame Street alien: "%u0412%u0456%u0434%u0441%u0442%u04 56%u0439 %u0440%u0430%u0437 %u043D%u0435%u0441%u043A%u0456%u043D %u0447%u0435%u043D%u043D%u043E%u0441 %u0442%u0456 %u044F%u043A P%u016Bce %u0448%u043B%u0430%u0433%u0430 %u043D%u0430 %u043A%u043E%u0432%u0431%u0430%u0441 %u0438 %u0444%u0435%u0441%u0442%u0438%u0432 %u0430%u043B%u0456" (11:02pm)
Alan B.: yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip (11:02pm)
Sesame Street alien: indeed it doesn't like Unicode. The hell's the matter with Chatbox? (11:02pm)
Alan B.: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! (11:02pm)
Alan B.: I actually think that prevents SQL injection exploits. (11:03pm)
Sesame Street alien: "Ht l%u1EA7n v c%u1EF1c nh%u01B0 mu nu schlag trn m%u1ED9t lin hoan xc xch:" (11:03pm)
Alan B.: "Krob and Pete yammering, but the content was namedrops Sherilyn and other banal stuff." (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Norwegian: "Krob og Pete yammering, men innholdet var namedrops Sherilyn og andre banale ting." (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Basque: "Krob eta Pete yammering, baina edukia zen namedrops sherilyn eta beste hutsal gauzak." (11:05pm)
Sesame Street alien: Oh, the best: "Quod digerat temporum infinitum, sicut in pultem Jehovah puce schlag." (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Galacian: "Krob e Pete yammering, pero o contido era namedrops Sherilyn e outras cousas banais." (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Javanese: "Krob lan Pete yammering, nanging isi ana namedrops Sherilyn lan banal kuwi." (11:06pm)
Sesame Street alien: JEHOVAH PUCE SCHLAG (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Latin! SSA, you win. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: I'm fuckin' smart. (11:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: Strictly speaking, German would have a single word for "puce schlag on a sausage fest". (11:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: And maybe add a "-lichkeit" or something on the end for a word expressing "like p.s.o.a.s.f.". (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Fuck that guy, then ban him. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Any blowfish? (11:10pm)
Alan B.: "We have to generate more." Karen Carpenter, you are the greatest. I just split a gut laughing." (11:11pm)
Alan B.: I'm actually grooving to the Natalie Merchant. She got me through freshman Spanish, don't ask how. (11:13pm)
Sherilyn: There's no shame in that at all. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: You also have to hit your quarter hour maintenace and not ID the station going into spot breaks. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Are you guys building cume, or what? (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Have you considered an Animal Stories segment? (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Twenty Ways To Increase Your Cume http://bit.ly/1lTTsw3 (11:19pm)
Alan B.: What you need is a jingle package: http://bit.ly/1lTTJPl (11:20pm)
Alan B.: My Radio Jingle Collection stations K. X. http://bit.ly/1lTTS5n (11:20pm)
Alan B.: It%u2019s impossible to lure new people into your Radio lair unless you give them a darned good reason to try your station. (11:22pm)
Alan B.: "The old-fashioned %u2018Tell-A-Friend%u2019 campaign has always worked for us, (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Our spots feature a woman who we call %u2018Jan,%u2019 " he says. "She%u2019s a perfect reflection of our core listener. (11:23pm)
Alan B.: The theory of the %u2018$1,000 Cash Winners%u2019 Weekend%u2019 campaign is to get as many stickers out as fast as possible so there%u2019s an immediate visible and visual impact on the market, (11:23pm)
Alan B.: For the first one we did, KFOG sent someone Roller-blading on the Great Wall of China. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: We use a concept that I call %u2018Tune-In Cards,%u2019 which are handed out at big festivals or remotes on weekends, (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Still hiere. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: David Cross: http://bit.ly/1lTUVSQ (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Picts! (11:30pm)
Alan B.: Those jingles are building your cume! (11:31pm)
Alan B.: HOW do I hear this show?! (11:34pm)
Alan B.: Turn on (11:35pm)
Alan B.: tune in (11:35pm)
Alan B.: drop out. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Logorrhea, cha cha cha. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Hal! (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Now, play nice! (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, suckah pad! (11:44pm)
Alan B.: I once looked up that expression. (11:48pm)
Sesame Street alien: sighed the old petard, dying of being shot by a fucking cannon (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Hal is mostly correct. http://bit.ly/1lU00KQ (11:49pm)
Sherilyn: NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN, ALAN. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: That is the source of Hal's vast charm. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: I would of course never directly challenge the veracity of any answer. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Karen, I'm afraid that we must fuck you because you can't take a joke. (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Doesn't he have a brand of sausage? (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Achtung, Adolph! (11:54pm)
Alan B.: It is a sickness. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: My condolences, Hal. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: I love this accordian piece. Does it have a name? (12:01am)
Alan B.: Is that a puce schlag scrote? (12:03am)
Alan B.: Good night, all. (12:10am)

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