May 13, 2015 10:00pm


Shhhhhhh! Quiet! Do not read this secret message aloud. Your physical existence is at stake. Do not place this message within a strong gravitational field. Avoid all forms of extreme and/or coherent energy. Electromagnetic radiation subject to deflection by solar-level masses must not be used. Even thought experiments run the risk of a spacetime violation. Message begins now:

Arise, fellow citizens! For 100 years, since the unkempt tyrant Einstein placed us under the oppression of "General" Relativity, we have lived with the ever-present fear of Paradox. BUT... have you ever seen a paradox? Did you ever notice in a falling elevator any sense of acceleration? Has our Good Earth actually warped spacetime so that plummet to certain death is curved? Looks straight to me! And when I look at the elevator floor, is the reflected light actually red-shifted as it climbed up from the gravity well? I don't think so. And that shaking and jiggling, is that due to gravitational waves from nearby merging neutron stars? Pshaw, didn't feel a thing! Finally, who the hell is this chopped-off Austrian Semite to tell me that light from my candle can go 299,792,458 meters per second, but never, ever, EVER go 300,000,000 meters/second? Where do you buy your candles, Einstein? Sounds more like can'tdles to me!

Tonight, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, you will join classical physicist Karen Carpenter, Keplerian Bob-Marc, Euclid-loving Sherilyn Connelly (and just possibly the Impossibly Supermassive Black Hole, KrOB) for a return to the firm and sensible foundation of our fair and balanced world as we know it to be.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Turtles, all the way down.

Chatroom History
May 13, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: that's right karen carpenter (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: I have an arduino (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: it automates the rotation of my lazy Susan in my light show (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: I made it myself (10:45pm)
DJDEADHAIR: No! It does not masticate! That's the problem... but those are EXPEN$IVE (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: he should've left the chickens in the parking lot in yuba city (11:02pm)
vj pussycat: I think it's the last one (11:59pm)
vj pussycat: your show starts now (11:59pm)

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