NHLG Gets Rapture-Ready
February 21, 2017 10:00pm


There are many DJs who believe that the second coming of Jesus Christ will be in two phases. First He will come for believers, both living and dead. In this view, the rapture—which is the transformation and catching up of all DJs, dead or alive, to meet Christ in the air—will be secret, for it will be unknown to the world of unbelievers such as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly at the time of its happening.

The effect of this removal, in the absence of multitudes of DJs, will, of course, be evident on earth. Then, second, after a period of seven years of inexcellence, chatbox trolling, lost bathroom keys, and Juan Rapido telling Pete Goldie to fuck off, Christ will return to the earth with His church, the saints who were raptured. He will be victorious over His enemies and will reign on earth during the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

When DJ Paulitics comes on, living unbelievers and the wicked dead who don't pay their dues on time will be judged at the great white throne judgment. They will then be cast out to (or, if they are truly wicked, FCC Free Radio), while the saved will live forever with Christ in a new station with cables that aren't constantly being mis-wired.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: May 21, 2011 will be here sooner than you think.

Chatroom History
February 21, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Gerald Fnord: Most Rapture-believing Christians don't believe in the 144K limit. (10:15pm)
Gerald Fnord: They believe that all saved people will be Raptured%u2014and it has nothing to do with Boy Scout virtues, it's knowing Jesus%u2014meaning that anyone left on Earth who dies is immediately in Hell. (10:17pm)
Gerald Fnord: Jehovah's Witnesses believe there's something special about 144,000 of them, but in the other hand they don't believe in the Rapture. (11:55pm)
Gerald Fnord: Remember, long before splintering in left-wing politics, there was splintering in Protestant sects that was even MORE splitty. (11:57pm)

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