August 8, 2017 10:00pm


As if to prove that casual prediction that we could not possibly survive 8 months of a cheeto-colored shitgibbon's presidency, the Universe has given us August! What a month! Tucked neatly between the anniversaries of two nuclear attacks on an Asian adversary as serious consideration is given to nuking another any day now, tonight's FINAL BROADCAST (see what we did there?) of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will 1) remember all the fun fun things that can and will happen on a lazy late summer day and 2) prepare for our own unnecessary demise. World wars and August go together like eggs and bacon, which is aborted fetuses and murdered pig belly, mmmmm so fatally good, like all of these August "coincidences":

338 BC – A Macedonian army defeated the combined forces of Athens and Thebes at the Battle of Chaeronea, securing Macedonian hegemony over the majority of Ancient Greece.
30 BC – Cleopatra, the last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, committed suicide, allegedly by means of an asp bite.
461 – Unpopular among the senate aristocracy for his reform efforts, Roman emperor Majorian was deposed by Ricimer and executed five days later.
778 – A Frankish army led by Roland was defeated by the Basques at Roncevaux Pass in the Pyrenees on the border between France and Spain.
1265 – Second Barons' War: Royal forces under Prince Edward defeated Baronial forces under Simon de Montfort, 6th Earl of Leicester, at the Battle of Evesham near Evesham, Worcestershire.
1461 – Ming general Cao Qin staged a failed coup against the Emperor Yingzong.
1506 – Muscovite–Lithuanian Wars: The Grand Duchy of Lithuania achieved one of the greatest Lithuanian victories against the Tatars in the Battle of Kletsk.
1521 – After an extended siege, forces led by Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés captured Tlatoani Cuauhtémoc and conquered the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan.
1745 – Bonnie Prince Charlie raised the Jacobite standard at Glenfinnan in the Scottish Highlands to begin the Second Jacobite Rising.
1792 – French Revolution: Insurrectionists in Paris stormed the Tuileries Palace, effectively ending the French monarchy until it was restored in 1814.
1814 – War of 1812: British forces invaded Washington, D.C., setting fire to various US government buildings, including what is now the White House
1796 – War of the First Coalition: The Austrian army attempted to break the Siege of Mantua, but were repelled by the French Army of Italy under Napoleon.
1877 – Nez Perce War: Both Nez Perce and United States Army sides suffered numerous casualties as they fought to a stalemate in the Battle of the Big Hole.
1896 – The United Kingdom and Zanzibar went to war, with Zanzibar surrendering less than an hour after the conflict broke out.
1897 – The Siege of Malakand ended when a relief column was able to reach the British garrison in the Malakand region of colonial India's North West Frontier Province.
1914 – First World War: Adhering to the terms in the 1839 Treaty of London, the United Kingdom declared war on Germany in response to the latter's invasion of Belgium.
1918 – Fanny Kaplan shot and wounded Bolshevik leader Vladimir Lenin, one of the events leading to the Red Terror in the future Soviet Union, a repression against Socialist Revolutionary Party members and other political opponents.
1934 – A German referendum supported the recent merging of the posts of Chancellor and President, consolidating Adolf Hitler's assumption of supreme power.
1937 – The Battle of Shanghai broke out, eventually becoming one of the largest and bloodiest battles of the entire Second Sino-Japanese War.
1939 – Nazi forces, posing as Poles, staged an attack against the German radio station Sender Gleiwitz in Gleiwitz, Upper Silesia, Germany, creating an excuse to invade Poland the next day.
1942 – Second World War: Erwin Rommel launched the last major Axis offensive of the Western Desert Campaign, attacking the British Eighth Army position near El Alamein, Egypt.
1943 – Second World War: The Royal Air Force began a strategic bombing campaign against Nazi Germany's V-weapon programme by attacking the Peenemünde Army Research Center.
1944 – World War II: Wehrmacht infantry carried out an assault operation against the civilian residents of nine villages located in the Amari Valley on the Greek island of Crete.
1945 – World War II: The U.S. Army Air Force B-29 bomber Enola Gay dropped an atomic bomb named "Little Boy" on Hiroshima, Japan, killing as many as 140,000 people.
1945 – World War II: Nagasaki is devastated when an atomic bomb, Fat Man, is dropped by the United States B-29 Bockscar. 35,000 people are killed outright, including 23,200-28,200 Japanese war workers, 2,000 Korean forced workers, and 150 Japanese soldiers.
1966 – Vietnam War: Members from D Company of the 6th Battalion of the Royal Australian Regiment were surrounded and attacked on all sides by a much larger Viet Cong unit at the Battle of Long Tan, but held them off for several hours until reinforcements arrived.

Hmmm, a lot of "extending extreme diplomacy by other means" seems to happen during the Dog Days. But, but, but, what about Popular Culture? Hold my beer:

1969 – Followers led by Charles Manson murder pregnant actress Sharon Tate (wife of Roman Polanski), coffee heiress Abigail Folger, Polish actor Wojciech Frykowski, men's hairstylist Jay Sebring and recent high-school graduate Steven Parent.
1977 – Elvis Presley (pictured), "The King of Rock and Roll", was officially pronounced dead at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, after he was found unresponsive on the floor of his Graceland bathroom.
1980 – Two-month-old Australian Azaria Chamberlain was taken from her family's campsite at Uluru by a dingo, for which her mother was wrongly convicted of murder.
1997 – Diana, Princess of Wales, her companion Dodi Fayed, and their driver Henri Paul were killed in a high speed car accident in the Pont de l'Alma road tunnel in Paris.

On the other hand, we can always fondly remember how we launched August last week:

August 11, 1942 – Actress Hedy Lamarr and composer George Antheil received a patent for their "Secret Communications System", an early technique of frequency-hopping spread spectrum that later became the basis for many forms of today's wireless communication systems.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Ah, save me, save me, save me from this squeeze. I gotta big fat mama trying to break me. And I love to live so pleasantly. Live this life of luxury. Lazing on a sunny afternoon. In the summertime. In the summertime. In the summertime. In the summertime.
In the summertime."

Chatroom History
August 8, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dial: Sweet (10:01pm)
Dial: So, my trick worked to get them going? (10:02pm)
vj pussycat: well, neither of the two i did following your method have sprouted yet, but they def appear to have roots (10:04pm)
DJ Stonehocker: we're actually closed right now. sorry guys. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: ha (10:06pm)
Dial: Well, at least your robot face-down is still on the website. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: hi stonehocker (10:06pm)
Dial: Stonehocker, is that really you? (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: yea, pretty funny the listener pic broke with my pic up there (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: do you think someone is impersonating stonehocker? (10:08pm)
Dial: I hope not. He's a great dude. (10:09pm)
Dial: Yep. Your picture is totally responsible for killing the Pic stuff. Ha! (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: i might've sent a more interesting pic had i known it would be up there this long (10:12pm)
DJ Stonehocker: someone is in my mind.. can't control. (10:12pm)
Karen Carpenter: I'm sick of people fucking around with these great dudes! (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HE IS INSIDE WITH US (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HIS PAIN WILL NEVER END (10:13pm)
Dial: I think it's perfect. The flat-out face down shot is hilarious! (10:13pm)
Dial: Agreed, Karen. I don't get it. Let's all just be chill. (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: he's possessed. don't think we can do much about that (10:15pm)
DJ Stonehocker:'t .....only ev///yll//// (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: is that a mott the hoople song (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: schmutz (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: idiots are people too (10:19pm)
Karen Carpenter: turns out Berkowitz IS a dj at RadioValencia (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: which show (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: is it the one after nhlg? (10:20pm)
Dial: Yeah, I said that. But, just being protective. Never want to piss anyone off. No reason. (10:20pm)
Dial: Chat later. Have a great night. (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: thx dial, you too (10:22pm)
JD Honestocker: CHAT NOW NOW NOW (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: how bout that dougie jones (10:24pm)
Karen Carpenter: keep it light, people! (10:26pm)
The Light People: Thanks! (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: wanna arm wrestle? (10:27pm)
The Light People: No arms. Just Light....thinking. (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: light people are idiots too (10:28pm)
The Light People: Hi! Wanna ride? (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: where you going (10:28pm)
The Light People: Bergawitz, PN! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: lovers lane (10:29pm)
The Light People: No car. Just Light! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: light speed (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: cherry pie! (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: charlie! (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: insanity (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: stop the insanity (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: rr to go (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: that was not the season finale (10:37pm)
The Light People: 567 Light Talk MR833j (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: what?!! season finale is sunday?!! fuck! too soon! (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: i'm so depressed now (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: and glen campbell is dead. what a shitty day (10:44pm)
The Light People: r5rl;' (11:26pm)

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