Deck Chair Rearrangement 101
September 5, 2017 10:00pm


The band had broken out in the strains of "Nearer, My God, to Thee," some minutes before Murdock lifted the revolver to his head, fired and toppled over on his face. Moody saw all this in a vision that filled his brain, while his ears drank in the tragic strain of the beautiful hymn that the band played as their own dirge, even to the moment when the waters sucked them down.

Wherever Murdock's eye swept the water in that instant, before he drew his revolver, it looked upon veritable seas of drowning men and women. From the decks there came to him the shrieks and groans of the caged and drowning, for whom all hope of escape from the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND was utterly vanished. He evidently never gave a thought to the possibility of saving himself, his mind freezing with the horrors he beheld and having room for just one central idea--swift extinction.

The strains of the hymn and the frantic cries of Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB (with no Carpenters) blended in a symphony of sorrow.

Led by the green light, under the light of stars, the podcasts drew away, and the bow, then the quarter, then the stacks and last the stern of the marvel station of a few days before passed beneath the waters. The great force of the station's sinking was unaided by any violence of the elements, and the suction, not so great as had been feared, rocked but mildly the group of podcasts now a quarter of a mile distant from it.

Just before the station disappeared from view men and women leaped from the stern. More than a hundred men, according to Colonel Gracie, jumped at the last. Gracie was among the number and he and the second officer were of the very few who were saved.

As the vessel disappeared, the air waves drowned the majestic hymn which the musicians played as they went to their watery grave. The most authentic accounts agree that this hymn was not "Nearer, My God, to Thee," which it seems had been played shortly before, but "Autumn," which is found in the Episcopal hymnal and which fits appropriately the situation on the station in the last moments of pain and darkness there. One line, "Hold me up in mighty waters," particularly may have suggested the hymn to some minister aboard the doomed station, who, it has been thought, thereupon asked the remaining passengers to join in singing the hymn, in a last service aboard the sinking station, soon to be ended by death itself.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It was sad when that great station went down.

Chatroom History
September 5, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am
justin: thank you and thank you for listening!! (10:00pm)
Gerald Fnord: So Steve Bannon replies 'Iceberg, Weisberg, who cares what the yid's name was? '. (10:19pm)
radio silencer: like trying to waterboard in the mariana trench... (pause for indiscriminate laughter) (10:23pm)
radio silencer: waterboard internet prisoners (on internet death row) (10:25pm)

August 29, 2017 10:00pm


While the television season no longer runs neatly from September to May, there's still a rush of new shows — especially on broadcast networks — in the fall. Here are the Top Picks from the Popular Culture Department of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

"CSI: Radio Valencia" - Tuesday 10pm

Join the top investigators of the Radio Valencia staff email list as they solve the crime of the century: who took the missing bathroom
key. The answer will surprise you! (well, maybe you... not us).

"Cuck and Robyn" - Tuesdays 8pm

He's antifa, she's MAGA... but can pure, blind hate be enough to keep them together? Next week... a visit from the hippie in-laws!

"Twin Peaks, The Sleepening" - Sundays 10 pm

Life in the Twin Peaks Assisted Living Center is anything but bland
meals and Matlock, why there are matching lodges, a vortex and endless mystery... like who put that fish in the coffeemaker? Join the dwindling cast of the original series as they confound their relatives with backward talk and long periods of catatonia for their final season. Seriously, THEIR FINAL SEASON.

"The 700 Club" - Saturdays 7pm

You know one of these days Pat Robertson is going to go off about the darky who served him last week at Olive Garden. You don't want to miss this confirmation of all your suspicions! Season premiere guest star: Donald Trump's spiritual advisor, the Gay Zombie Jew Roy Cohn.

"Star Trek: Discovery Hearing" - Sundays 9pm

ST:DH is the first Star Trek TV seriesdeveloped by network executives intentionally trying to turn the popular TV versions of Star Trek into a predictable, muddied mess. That's right, exactly what you've come to expect! This time some guy plays a human who was adopted and raised by Sarek, father to Trek's most beloved character, Spock, only to become a corporate lawyer with a passion for fiscal responsibility. BEAM THOSE SPREADSHEETS DOWN, SCOTTIE!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Why it's another Golden Age of Television!

Chatroom History
August 29, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

laiD: maB-aW (10:13pm)
laiD: !ffust taerG (10:14pm)

The Hippie Temptation
August 22, 2017 10:00pm


On Aug. 22, 1967, a CBS News series titled Who, What, Where, When, Why premiered, anchored by Harry Reasoner. The premier was a shocking expose of the Haight-Ashbury scene known as The Hippie Temptation. Basically, the producers decided that showing teenagers picture of people having a good time, and hoping that “Now don’t you go and do this!” finger-wagging testimonials from marble-mouthed men in white coats will make it look less appealing is a certain way to STOP DRUG FUN. Presenting this hysterical historial documentary is the theme of tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, presented by Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB. Now guess which one watched the show live, because his mom was concerned.


Chatroom History
August 22, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dial: Any luck with avocados? (10:24pm)
We close: the chatterbox at 9:45pm (10:25pm)
Dial: Cool. Have fun. (10:29pm)
root beer tapper: john md.d (10:38pm)
dave: is here (10:53pm)
this is not a dream: or is it? (11:11pm)
teen: age (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: dial, i forgot to tell you one of the two i did your way has sprouted (12:23am)
vj pussycat: about a week ago (12:23am)

August 15, 2017 10:00pm


On the 40th anniversary of Elvis's death, only the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND dares to ask, "Is Elvis alive?" The shocking truth uncovered by Sherilyn Connelly you!

Special NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Spoiler Alert: The answer is "no."

Chatroom History
August 15, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am
The Reel Donald Trump : If You Hurt Guam, Nose Hair Lint Grand Will Delusional (10:48pm)

August 8, 2017 10:00pm


As if to prove that casual prediction that we could not possibly survive 8 months of a cheeto-colored shitgibbon's presidency, the Universe has given us August! What a month! Tucked neatly between the anniversaries of two nuclear attacks on an Asian adversary as serious consideration is given to nuking another any day now, tonight's FINAL BROADCAST (see what we did there?) of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will 1) remember all the fun fun things that can and will happen on a lazy late summer day and 2) prepare for our own unnecessary demise. World wars and August go together like eggs and bacon, which is aborted fetuses and murdered pig belly, mmmmm so fatally good, like all of these August "coincidences":

338 BC – A Macedonian army defeated the combined forces of Athens and Thebes at the Battle of Chaeronea, securing Macedonian hegemony over the majority of Ancient Greece.
30 BC – Cleopatra, the last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, committed suicide, allegedly by means of an asp bite.
461 – Unpopular among the senate aristocracy for his reform efforts, Roman emperor Majorian was deposed by Ricimer and executed five days later.
778 – A Frankish army led by Roland was defeated by the Basques at Roncevaux Pass in the Pyrenees on the border between France and Spain.
1265 – Second Barons' War: Royal forces under Prince Edward defeated Baronial forces under Simon de Montfort, 6th Earl of Leicester, at the Battle of Evesham near Evesham, Worcestershire.
1461 – Ming general Cao Qin staged a failed coup against the Emperor Yingzong.
1506 – Muscovite–Lithuanian Wars: The Grand Duchy of Lithuania achieved one of the greatest Lithuanian victories against the Tatars in the Battle of Kletsk.
1521 – After an extended siege, forces led by Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés captured Tlatoani Cuauhtémoc and conquered the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan.
1745 – Bonnie Prince Charlie raised the Jacobite standard at Glenfinnan in the Scottish Highlands to begin the Second Jacobite Rising.
1792 – French Revolution: Insurrectionists in Paris stormed the Tuileries Palace, effectively ending the French monarchy until it was restored in 1814.
1814 – War of 1812: British forces invaded Washington, D.C., setting fire to various US government buildings, including what is now the White House
1796 – War of the First Coalition: The Austrian army attempted to break the Siege of Mantua, but were repelled by the French Army of Italy under Napoleon.
1877 – Nez Perce War: Both Nez Perce and United States Army sides suffered numerous casualties as they fought to a stalemate in the Battle of the Big Hole.
1896 – The United Kingdom and Zanzibar went to war, with Zanzibar surrendering less than an hour after the conflict broke out.
1897 – The Siege of Malakand ended when a relief column was able to reach the British garrison in the Malakand region of colonial India's North West Frontier Province.
1914 – First World War: Adhering to the terms in the 1839 Treaty of London, the United Kingdom declared war on Germany in response to the latter's invasion of Belgium.
1918 – Fanny Kaplan shot and wounded Bolshevik leader Vladimir Lenin, one of the events leading to the Red Terror in the future Soviet Union, a repression against Socialist Revolutionary Party members and other political opponents.
1934 – A German referendum supported the recent merging of the posts of Chancellor and President, consolidating Adolf Hitler's assumption of supreme power.
1937 – The Battle of Shanghai broke out, eventually becoming one of the largest and bloodiest battles of the entire Second Sino-Japanese War.
1939 – Nazi forces, posing as Poles, staged an attack against the German radio station Sender Gleiwitz in Gleiwitz, Upper Silesia, Germany, creating an excuse to invade Poland the next day.
1942 – Second World War: Erwin Rommel launched the last major Axis offensive of the Western Desert Campaign, attacking the British Eighth Army position near El Alamein, Egypt.
1943 – Second World War: The Royal Air Force began a strategic bombing campaign against Nazi Germany's V-weapon programme by attacking the Peenemünde Army Research Center.
1944 – World War II: Wehrmacht infantry carried out an assault operation against the civilian residents of nine villages located in the Amari Valley on the Greek island of Crete.
1945 – World War II: The U.S. Army Air Force B-29 bomber Enola Gay dropped an atomic bomb named "Little Boy" on Hiroshima, Japan, killing as many as 140,000 people.
1945 – World War II: Nagasaki is devastated when an atomic bomb, Fat Man, is dropped by the United States B-29 Bockscar. 35,000 people are killed outright, including 23,200-28,200 Japanese war workers, 2,000 Korean forced workers, and 150 Japanese soldiers.
1966 – Vietnam War: Members from D Company of the 6th Battalion of the Royal Australian Regiment were surrounded and attacked on all sides by a much larger Viet Cong unit at the Battle of Long Tan, but held them off for several hours until reinforcements arrived.

Hmmm, a lot of "extending extreme diplomacy by other means" seems to happen during the Dog Days. But, but, but, what about Popular Culture? Hold my beer:

1969 – Followers led by Charles Manson murder pregnant actress Sharon Tate (wife of Roman Polanski), coffee heiress Abigail Folger, Polish actor Wojciech Frykowski, men's hairstylist Jay Sebring and recent high-school graduate Steven Parent.
1977 – Elvis Presley (pictured), "The King of Rock and Roll", was officially pronounced dead at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, after he was found unresponsive on the floor of his Graceland bathroom.
1980 – Two-month-old Australian Azaria Chamberlain was taken from her family's campsite at Uluru by a dingo, for which her mother was wrongly convicted of murder.
1997 – Diana, Princess of Wales, her companion Dodi Fayed, and their driver Henri Paul were killed in a high speed car accident in the Pont de l'Alma road tunnel in Paris.

On the other hand, we can always fondly remember how we launched August last week:

August 11, 1942 – Actress Hedy Lamarr and composer George Antheil received a patent for their "Secret Communications System", an early technique of frequency-hopping spread spectrum that later became the basis for many forms of today's wireless communication systems.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Ah, save me, save me, save me from this squeeze. I gotta big fat mama trying to break me. And I love to live so pleasantly. Live this life of luxury. Lazing on a sunny afternoon. In the summertime. In the summertime. In the summertime. In the summertime.
In the summertime."

Chatroom History
August 8, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dial: Sweet (10:01pm)
Dial: So, my trick worked to get them going? (10:02pm)
vj pussycat: well, neither of the two i did following your method have sprouted yet, but they def appear to have roots (10:04pm)
DJ Stonehocker: we're actually closed right now. sorry guys. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: ha (10:06pm)
Dial: Well, at least your robot face-down is still on the website. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: hi stonehocker (10:06pm)
Dial: Stonehocker, is that really you? (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: yea, pretty funny the listener pic broke with my pic up there (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: do you think someone is impersonating stonehocker? (10:08pm)
Dial: I hope not. He's a great dude. (10:09pm)
Dial: Yep. Your picture is totally responsible for killing the Pic stuff. Ha! (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: i might've sent a more interesting pic had i known it would be up there this long (10:12pm)
DJ Stonehocker: someone is in my mind.. can't control. (10:12pm)
Karen Carpenter: I'm sick of people fucking around with these great dudes! (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HE IS INSIDE WITH US (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HIS PAIN WILL NEVER END (10:13pm)
Dial: I think it's perfect. The flat-out face down shot is hilarious! (10:13pm)
Dial: Agreed, Karen. I don't get it. Let's all just be chill. (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: he's possessed. don't think we can do much about that (10:15pm)
DJ Stonehocker:'t .....only ev///yll//// (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: is that a mott the hoople song (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: schmutz (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: idiots are people too (10:19pm)
Karen Carpenter: turns out Berkowitz IS a dj at RadioValencia (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: which show (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: is it the one after nhlg? (10:20pm)
Dial: Yeah, I said that. But, just being protective. Never want to piss anyone off. No reason. (10:20pm)
Dial: Chat later. Have a great night. (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: thx dial, you too (10:22pm)
JD Honestocker: CHAT NOW NOW NOW (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: how bout that dougie jones (10:24pm)
Karen Carpenter: keep it light, people! (10:26pm)
The Light People: Thanks! (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: wanna arm wrestle? (10:27pm)
The Light People: No arms. Just Light....thinking. (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: light people are idiots too (10:28pm)
The Light People: Hi! Wanna ride? (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: where you going (10:28pm)
The Light People: Bergawitz, PN! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: lovers lane (10:29pm)
The Light People: No car. Just Light! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: light speed (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: cherry pie! (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: charlie! (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: insanity (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: stop the insanity (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: rr to go (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: that was not the season finale (10:37pm)
The Light People: 567 Light Talk MR833j (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: what?!! season finale is sunday?!! fuck! too soon! (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: i'm so depressed now (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: and glen campbell is dead. what a shitty day (10:44pm)
The Light People: r5rl;' (11:26pm)

Thank Hedy for Wi-Fi!
August 1, 2017 10:00pm


Spread spectrum systems are becoming more and more prevalent, also for ISMband systems. As the ISM bands become more and more crowded, the anti-jamming properties of spread spectrum techniques are useful for ensuring reliable communications. The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND differs from a classical narrow-band or broadband system in that the signal energy is spread over a much wider frequency range, reducing the power spectral density of the signal and providing several advantages:

• Low Probability of Intercept, meaning that it is harder to detect the RF signal of Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly;

• Higher tolerance to narrow-band noise sources, the anti-JamCon property;

• Reduction of sensitivity to interference from multi-path reflections of the Programming Committee;

• Possibility of CDMA (Code-division multiple access) operation, where several cooperating transmitters using different frequency hopping patterns can transmit in the same frequency range without disturbing scruffy DJs who just want to play two turntables of German techno in peace.

Under FCC regulations, frequency hopping systems fulfilling certain requirements on 87.9FM are allowed to transmit using Low Power FM, so long as they don't perjure themselves.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Far less than a pretty face.

Chatroom History
August 1, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: albert pulled him out (10:34pm)
Gerald Fnord: (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: the cruise director (10:38pm)
Gerald Fnord: t/61395544706/the-original-mary-sue- a-trekkies-tale-by-paula (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: julie the cruise director on the love boat was in ep11 (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: hey, karen, (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: hey karen, our bday is on nhlg night (11:02pm)

Westwood vs. Deadworld
July 25, 2017 10:00pm


In reviews of popular culture, there is one stale technique second only to the creation of "Best/Worst" lists that challenges the immeasurable intellect of the above average viewer, and that is the death match. Take two vaguely similar productions and compare them as if they were candidates for sending on our next interstellar space probe to represent the pinnacle of human-like civilization. Setting aside the futility of shipping a show screener to the Tribble-Eaters of Regulus 9 when the program already has several years headstart traveling at the speed of light, coming to consensus about which show is superior serves a necessary role in human self-identification and acceptable public self-stimulation. In tonight's exercise, and accepting that Twin Peaks is not eligible (because 1. the 3rd season hasn't finished broadcasting, and 2. there is debate if Twin Peaks even originates on Earth), we are left with two other shows to fight it out. The obvious pre-qualifiers are:

- must be a western

- must employ exceptional Old World dialogue issued from illiterate cowboys

- must have a main character played by an Englishman

That both shows were filmed on the same location is just gravy, according to media archivists Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB. An entirefully appropriatedly presentationment fitting for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Listeners are given the option to pick a White Hat or a Black Hat.

Chatroom History
July 25, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: what's new, nhlg? (10:42pm)
Dial: Anyone home? (12:02am)
Dial: Meaning chatterbox (12:02am)
Habdle Fresco: Hola Jah Frass Hola Chapin! (12:13am)

Every Version Of "Stardust" Ever
July 18, 2017 10:00pm


You know, some time ago I had a love affair that ended sort of unhappily, and just a little while back, just before I died, in fact, I was on the operating table, and I was searching to try and find something to hang on to, you know. Cause when you're dying, your life suddenly really does become very authentic. And I was reaching for something to give my life meaning, and a memory flashed through my mind.

It was one of those great spring days, a Sunday, and you knew summer would be coming soon. And I remember that morning Dorrie and I had gone for a walk in the park. We came back to the apartment. We were just sort of sitting around. And I put on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, which was a podcast that I grew up loving. It was very, very pretty, and I happened to glance over, and I saw Dorrie sitting there. And I remember thinking to myself how terrific she was and how much I loved Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly. And I don't know. I guess it was the combination of everything, the sound of that music, and the breeze, and how beautiful the podcasters looked to me. And for one brief moment, everything just seemed to come together perfectly, and I felt happy. Almost indestructible, in a way. And it's funny, that simple little moment of contact moved me in a very, very profound way.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Yes, we know about David Bowie and "Ziggy Stardust." That's a different thing.

Chatroom History
July 18, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dj Paulitics: Nose Hair! I keep winning with you... Take us to the winner's circle... We take the gold everytime we stop and go... Get the 1st place trophy and exchange it for for nothing but pure soul and salt tides! (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: happiest birthday wishes to mrs dr fiasco (11:12pm)
Dial: Hey, P (11:13pm)
vj pussycat: hey dial (11:13pm)
Dial: Agave in order? (11:14pm)
Fropchopula: Yes two pls (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: three then (11:15pm)
Fropchopula: Why wont it post (11:16pm)
Fropchopula: I came back from (11:16pm)
Fropchopula: The dead, for this? (11:16pm)
Fropchopula: Hows that nest of wires? (11:17pm)
Dial: Well cheers to all! (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: cheers back at cha (11:18pm)
Fropchopula: Slainte (11:18pm)
Fropchopula: Drinking often gets me blamed for opp (11:19pm)
Dial: Pretty much have everything confirmed for working in Grass Valley all of September and October, Pussycat. (11:20pm)
Fropchopula: I just like when sherilyn profanes, more profanes (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: snort it (11:20pm)
Fropchopula: This isnt another unfriendly chathole ismit? Ive had my fill lately (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: that's a long time. i figured you'd be there a week (11:21pm)
Fropchopula: Here maybe this will shift your focusii (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: there's nobody here, but good people (11:22pm)
Dial: All love here. (11:22pm)
DefNOTfropchopula: This is how u call.. "sockin"? (11:22pm)
Dial: We can chat during my show, P. Again, best to all. (11:23pm)
DefNOTfropchopula: Best effort is the least effort (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: so, dial you can come see the mermen in nevada city. we're doing two nights at cooper's sometime in september (11:24pm)
Dial: Great! And, maybe come check out a broadcast, too. (11:26pm)
Dial: That sounds like a blast. (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: yea maybe if you go on in the day (11:27pm)
vj pussycat: oh it's so much fun (11:27pm)
Frank L. Visco: My hat, lost my hat (11:27pm)
Dial: We'll make it happen (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: are you gonna be broadcasting to rv or kvmr too? (11:28pm)
Frank L. Visco: You mean readers digest? (11:34pm)
Dial: It'll be the same as now. I'll just be back in CA for that time. (11:38pm)
Dial: Excited to check out Mermen (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: cool. we always have fun in nc/gv (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: and you'll get to experience the whack light show i do (11:49pm)
Dial: It's a blast there. Going to be really fun to have a couple months. (11:52pm)
Dial: Whacked out lights? Count me in. (11:53pm)
Frank L. Visco: Zoolanders BEWARE (11:57pm)
Frank L. Visco: WHO KILLED THAT RUG (11:57pm)
vj pussycat: it's more like video/visual/eye candy (11:58pm)
Frank L. Visco: YEAH PIANO CASTLES ZEBRA (11:58pm)
vj pussycat: goodnight nose hairs and lint glands (11:58pm)
Frank L. Visco: wopps.sorry for "yelling" (11:58pm)
Frank L. Visco: Willy, teller i still lover (11:59pm)
Dial: I'll pack a few extra edibles (12:01am)
vj pussycat: good idea. you can always visit reno to pick stuff up. it's legal now :) (12:02am)
Dial: You'll have to show me around. (12:06am)
vj pussycat: sure. you gonna come up to reno while you're there? may as well, there's cool shit in/around reno (12:08am)
Dial: Definitely. Staying with mu buddy and helping his business out. We'll have time to play quite a bit in between work days. (12:12am)
vj pussycat: nice (12:15am)

Amelia Earhart is Alive and Well and Living with Quackser Fortune's Cousin in the Bronx
July 11, 2017 10:00pm


On the 80th anniversary of that fateful flight over the Pacific, new evidence has emerged to suggest Amelia Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan, didn’t just vanish over the ocean in 1937. That was the year Earhart made two attempts to circumnavigate the globe in her Lockheed Electra, the second of which appeared to have ended in her crash landing somewhere over the Pacific when she wasn’t able to refuel on Howland Island. Not everyone accepted Earhart and Noonan’s fate, though; some people, including Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, believe Earhart actually made it to land. Those notions have been dusted off in the upcoming FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR GLAND, which centers on a decades-old photo that appears to show Earhart and Noonan, alive and relatively well in a mostly-forgotten Gene Wilder movie.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We are on the line 157 337. We will repeat this message. We will repeat this on 6210 kilocycles. Wait.

Chatroom History
July 11, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: speaking of missing persons, bucks county is missing some (10:12pm)
NRUI: NRUI calling KHAQQ. Indicate reception by four long dashes and then give bearing Howland, north or south. This is NRUI. (10:12pm)
USS Itasca: Itasca calling Earhart 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. If you get me come in please. (10:18pm)
USS Itasca: Itasca (10:20pm)
USS Itasca: 281 north Howland yes it is really a photogragh (10:21pm)
USS Itasca: We see your flares and are proceding towards you (10:21pm)
Betty Klenk: heard 158 mi. help me...w40k Howland port waters high here put your ear to it this is amelia putnam sos stop amelia speak uncle oh oh help help us quick I can feel it your right Bob come here just a moment (10:25pm)
CBS : radio show The March of Time played a show about a lost aircraft at the time the search was on (10:27pm)
Karen Carpenter: Bucks Co. is missing ? (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: i thought you'd have a report on this strange story (10:33pm)
Karen Carpenter: most go to the Jersey shore in July (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: i wonder if the fbi is hip to that (10:34pm)
Twin : Sore (10:35pm)
NRUI: The missing photo of Bucks Co. was taken two years before it dissapperedd (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: before it was involuntarily committed (10:36pm)
Fropchopula: Is this heaven? (10:40pm)
Fropchopula: Amidead? (10:40pm)
Fropchopula: Its glorious... whatever it is, thx for not banning me guys n gals (10:40pm)
Karen Carpenter: too busy to find missing county (10:44pm)
Karen Carpenter: there are 3 million fake counties voting (10:45pm)
Karen Carpenter: KrOB just informed me that he tried to give vj pussycat the ChatBox, but for some misunderstanding she never took possession (10:46pm)
Well: take it away! (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: he wanted me to buy it (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: for a jillion internet dollars (11:08pm)
Fropchopula: U cpuld prolly talk him down to a few scents (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: what?! you didn't watch 9 yet (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: no (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: don't tell (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: more guest stars (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: there's coffee (11:16pm)
vj pussycat: what about the pie (11:16pm)
vj pussycat: dick jr (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: it's the god and run club (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: fun wedding that was (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: got a light? (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: what happened to bob marc (11:38pm)

July 5, 2017 12:00am


Chatroom History
July 5, 2017 12:00am - 1:30am

CraptainConnectivity: Made it... Fashionably (12:08am)
CraptainConnectivity: Tired as shit boop. (12:11am)
vj pussycat: aftershow wooo (12:45am)
vj pussycat: just like burning what's his name (12:46am)
vj pussycat: sexist (12:48am)
vj pussycat: i just got here (12:49am)
vj pussycat: the dog ate my headphones (12:50am)
vj pussycat: that's it? ripped off (1:03am)
Dj Paulitics: Tuff sounds! You are my favorite heroes... the best robot ethicists.... t (1:14am)

July 4, 2017 10:00pm


Some say America's best days are behind us. Sadly, what's really behind us is not as charming as American car ads make it out, in fact you don't want to go back there. Yup, what passes for new these days is not anything you want to brag about. Everyone yearns for the good old days of hard, solid and proud examples of getting the big job done, taking from an irresistible idea all the way to the completed paperwork. We used to take a good long look at what we had made... but no more. Our greatest achievement now is simply reaching the special private seat when you really really need to be there... and that place is where you should watch the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Get your shit together.

Chatroom History
July 4, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: there is no god (10:41pm)
CraptainConnectivity: Crunchy (11:46pm)
CraptainConnectivity: Lemme guess.. technical diffixulties (11:59pm)
CraptainConnectivity: Made it... Fashionably (12:08am)
CraptainConnectivity: Tired as shit boop. (12:11am)

June 27, 2017 10:00pm


In a recent review of this year's summer films provocatively entitled "Ticket, Torrent, Stream It", Sherilyn Connelly presented to her readers three theoretical routes to viewing a movie:

"... you decide which movies you should pay to see in a theater on a given weekend, which you should watch on the streaming service of your choice in a few months, and which you should download using Bram Cohen’s peer-to-peer problem-child BitTorrent — which, of course you should never do, because stealing is wrong."

Now this article was read by dozens of people, including Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, KrOB, the entire Radio Valencia Board of Directors, Alan B, my guinea pigs and the CEO of an important film rights protection group made of 500 entertainment corporations who will not sleep at night in a world where creative properties of artists can be illegally stolen by soulless denizens of the Internet. Although Connelly was unambiguous about stating the wrongness of intellectual property theft, a serious letter was sent and the RV Board of Directors decided to suspend Connelly's contribution to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND on the grounds that even suggesting that creative property gets stolen is equivalent to armed robbery of Stevie Wonder's walking stick. Also, each download of the latest Transformers masterpiece takes at least $30 out of Michael Bay's pocket. And the Alamo New Mission Drafthouse has to lay off 2 hunchbacked servers. And Blockbuster won't be able to open a second outlet in the Mall of America. Clearly, Sherilyn Connelly is a monster.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: In a statement, Connelly decided to spend more time with her family and asks that you respect her privacy.

Chatroom History
June 27, 2017 10:00pm - 12:23am

Dial-a-Shot: And also get to hear Whitey on the Moon every Tuesday. (10:03pm)
Sesame Street alien: yarr (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: hey no sound (11:56pm)

May The Twentieth Be With You
June 20, 2017 10:00pm


As all real Star Wars fans know, nothing at all of importance ever happened on June 20. None of the films were released on that day, none of the cast have any birthdays, and not even Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, or Sherilyn Connelly have anything interesting to say about this date. And the fact that the original studio was called Twentieth Century-Fox doesn't mean anything, either.

But, hey! Star Wars! TIE Fighters! AT-STs! Darth Vader! Lightsabers! The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND! The Death Star! X-Wings! Star Destroyers! Things blowing up!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We've got a dumb feeling about this.

Chatroom History
June 20, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: i do now (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: how's it goin karen? how come y'all don't talk anymore? (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: nice (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: i thought you might be on sabbatical or something (10:26pm)
Karen Carpenter: that's a polite way of saying "he wanted to spend more time with his family' (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: yoda how old (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: oh i see. it's like dr fiasco (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: is that the official answer (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: you don't have a mid life crisis until you're 450 (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: jeopardy is based on yodish (10:49pm)
los angeles police: force? (11:06pm)
or: whatever (11:07pm)
there are no stupid: questions? (11:08pm)
like: awesome (11:10pm)
like: average (11:11pm)
like: cola (your drink desire you not) (11:11pm)
W: O: W! (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: the eclipse is like a week before our birthday karen (11:38pm)
Dial-a-Shot: Road Trip!!! (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: right?! what's the eclipse forecast in minneapolis? (11:45pm)
jyn erso swiss miss: OMG LOL (11:46pm)
11: 38 (11:47pm)
There is no Dark Side: of the moon. (force push programming) (11:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: it's all the dark side (11:50pm)
r: ight?! (11:51pm)
my starwarsmeter: is plummeting (11:55pm)
Dial-a-Shot: I'll have to check. But, all are welcome. My studio is eclipse proof. (11:57pm)
Tangina Barrons: Of course they are. (11:58pm)

Our Reagan
June 13, 2017 10:00pm


With a deep awareness of the responsibility conferred by your trust, I accept your nomination for the Programming Committee of the Radio Valencia. I do so with deep gratitude, and I thank you for your wholehearted response to my recommendation in regard to [NAME REDACTED] as a candidate for Vice Programming Committee Chair.

I am very proud of Radio Valencia 87.9FM tonight. This station has shown to all America a community united, with positive programs for solving the nation's problems; a party ready to build a new co-ocracy with all those across the land who share a community of values embodied in these words: family, work, neighborhood, peace and freedom.

I know we have had a quarrel or two with Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Conellly, but only as to the method of attaining a goal. There was no argument about the goal. As Programming Comittee President, I will establish a liaison with the 50 DJs to encourage them to eliminate, where it exists, discrimination against the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. I will monitor federal laws to insure their implementation and to upload podcasts if they are needed.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Also, jellybeans are gross.

Chatroom History
June 13, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Fropchopula: Y (10:53pm)
Fropchopula: Auto correct resigned automatically on the flipside (10:54pm)
Fropchopula: I accept... we can make this station golden again (11:21pm)
Fropchopula: Djdj call a dr stat (12:09am)
Fropchopula: Booper sounds ill (12:09am)
Fropchopula: Listeners r being killed. (12:11am)
Fropchopula: Ranch dr feat curly fries (12:12am)
Fropchopula: Woobwoobwoob (12:12am)
Fropchopula: Dip dat in da dipper... french fries in the flipper... ranch house drums of kipper... stooge it... stoostoogit to quit (12:14am)
Fropchopula: Marimba! (12:25am)
Fropchopula: Sit down, u mumble (12:26am)
Fropchopula: What is the target audience are we at a rave? (12:28am)

Burton, MOORE, Harris
May 30, 2017 10:00pm


Richard Burton, Roger Moore, Richard Harris.


Richard Burton, Roger Moore, Richard Harris.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: ...and Hardy Krüger.

Chatroom History
May 30, 2017 10:00pm - 1:30am

Kilt M. Slaggish: Slugs (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: broken (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: not broken (11:43pm)

The Whitman Instrument
May 23, 2017 10:00pm


Congratulations on your purchase of a new Portable Whitman Instrument, Model 1.0! This device can be used for the detection and examination of many objects, including:

- splinters
- tartigrades (water bears)
- 5 pt. alphanumeric characters
- early signs of Dr. Daniel Schreber's character
- mcguffins and other plot devices

To use the instrument, place on stable surface (such as a table), turn power on, place object in convenient corner stage, observe through eyepiece. To locate the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND (or one or more of the following, Special Agent Dale Carpenter, Special Agent Dale BOB-Marc, Special Agent Dale Connelly, Special Agent Dale KrOB), set large black knob to 87.9MHz. Caution: The Whitman Instrument should only be used by qualified law enforcement officers.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Wanna hear about our specials?"

May 16, 2017 10:00pm



In the event of a FINAL BROADCAST, should KareX CarpXXter, BoX-MarX, SherilyX ConnelleX and XrXX be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions, and act as if no one knows who is in charge at Radio Valencia.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The code word is "radio".

Chatroom History
May 16, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: whatever happened to construction talk (11:40pm)

May 9, 2017 10:00pm


NYSE HYRE LYNT GLYND on Tuesday fired Fyre Festival organizer and Radio Valencia program director John Hell after all of NHLG's binder full of lawyers recommended his immediate removal.

"The Fyre Festival is one of our nation's most cherished and respected institutions and today will mark a new beginning for our crown jewel of EDM events," Karen Carpenter said in a statement, adding, "... frankly we did not even know we had a program director until all this came out". NHLG press secretary Sherilyn Connelly said shortly before 3 p.m. PDT on Tuesday that Hell was "notified a short time ago," but while she declined to say how Hell was notified, it is believed that Connelly sent a tweet. Hell's dismissal took effect immediately.
Bob-Marc told reporters that after some sobbing Mr. Hell "accepted the recommendation of the entire legal team of NHLG, even the sorta honest ones," who unanimously recommended Hell's "dismissal." Bob-Marc also specified that all Grateful Dead albums not removed from the studio by 10pm this evening would be mocked and then given to Goodwill.

NHLG said it will immediately launch the search for a new program director, because apparently that is a job at Radio Valencia. It is rumored that John Hell was appointed program director by someone in 2010.

NYSE HYRE LYNT GLYND: Myke Rydyo Vylyncya Gryt Agyn.

Chatroom History
May 9, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Mrs.: hi (11:22pm)
Mrs.: the boys are not checking the chatroom (11:23pm)
Mrs.: #nostradamus (11:26pm)
Mrs.: #boysRstupid (11:40pm)
Karen Carpenter: grrrr (11:45pm)
Mrs.: #justtryingtogetyourattention (11:48pm)
Mrs.: I am taking shelter now (11:50pm)

May 2, 2017 10:00pm


As the first day of final year of the 1970s dawned, action/horror/science fiction/dystopia film director John Carpenter, clearly hungover from the Hollywood B+ list New Year's Eve party he stumbled out of, mistook budding actress Adrienne Barbeau for established action film star Kay Parker, and promptly married her. In the preternatural process that governs "The Business", Carpenter mistook Lady Haden-Guest for the young actress he had previously cast in a decorative gourd film, casting her as a pretty young thing is his latest seaside project. He then mistook a distinguished Romania-American Harvard law professor John Houseman as an actor, casting him as a salty teller of sailor yarns to silent shivering children. Mistakenly regarding Lady Haden-Guest's mother as some psycho, Carpenter reluctantly offered her a role, and, through a misunderstanding that author Samuel Clemens was actually a cheapskate drunken preacher, cast Hal Holbrook as a cheapskate drunken preacher. All that left was Carpenter's wife, who by now he had discovered was not Kay Parker and thus not possessing of certain cinematic skills, so he cast Barbeau as a boy named Steve, and to hide the obvious fact she was a grown woman, disguised her a a radio DJ so no one could see her. Yes, Carpenter forgot that in a movie, radio DJs are often seen as well as heard. Confusing the lighthouse at Point Reyes as a radio station, Carpenter then accidentally turned his project about common coastal weather phenomena into a Scooby Doo feature film. The rest is movie history, at least as retold by Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc and KrOB, during the FINAL BROADCAST of.... (wait for it...)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Gh.. Gh.. Gh.. Ghost Pirates??!!! Ruh Roh!".

Chatroom History
May 2, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Karen Carpenter: Best fog-related show ever. (11:47pm)

We're Going to War!
April 25, 2017 10:00pm


Then it's war! Gather the forces! Harness the horses!

Radio Valencia's going to war! Each DJ will grab a gun and run away to war! We're going to war, this is a fact Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly can't ignore on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND! Oh, how we’d cry for Rapido if Rapido should die, a mighty man is he -- a man of brawn who’ll carry on 'til LPFM Victory.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: All God's children got podcasts

Chatroom History
April 25, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

The Show: is as sad as that Show. (11:18pm)
Introduce : This! (11:18pm)
Ferd Turgitson: more tracks, please (11:20pm)
Ferd Turgitson: more bonds, smease (11:25pm)
Ferd Turgitson: knows this is what happens (11:26pm)
Ferd Turgitson: No!!!! Show Over!!! (11:37pm)
Ferd Turgitson: WHAT ABOUT THE PREGNANT LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (11:37pm)
Ferd Turgitson: And, WHAT ABOUT THE PREGNANT LADY/1/ (11:43pm)
Ferd Turgitson: ; (11:43pm)
Ferd Turgitson: [OI[ (11:43pm)
Ferd Turgitson: .SubGenius HQ (11:47pm)
SubGenius HQ: finds it to be a True KroB moment. (11:48pm)
Viewers: at leaste some1 belives in us (11:51pm)
Viewers: as AI slaves....Ha! (12:01am)

Zero Gravity NHLG Instructions
April 4, 2017 10:00pm


Radio Valencia is of the standard zero-gravity type. Depending on requirements, System A and/or System B can be used, details of which are clearly marked in the radio compartment. When operating System A, depress lever and a plastic dalkron eliminator will be dispensed through the slot immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip, attach connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose. Twist the silver coloured ring one inch below the connection point until you feel it lock.

The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is now ready for use. The Sonovac cleanser is activated by the small switch on the lip. When securing, twist the ring back to its initial-condition, so that the two orange line meet. Disconnect. Place the dalkron eliminator in the vacuum receptacle to the rear. Activate by pressing the blue button.

The controls for System B are located on the opposite wall. The red release switch places the uroliminator into position; it can be adjusted manually up or down by pressing the blue manual release button. The opening is self adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button which simultaneously activates the evaporator and returns the uroliminator to its storage position.
You may leave the lavatory if the green exit light is on over the door. If the red light is illuminated, one of the lavatory facilities is not properly secured. Press the "Stewardess" call button on the right of the door. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will secure all facilities from their control panel outside. When green exit light goes on you may open the door and leave.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Please close the door behind you.

March 28, 2017 10:00pm


Everyone knows that NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is a disaster, causing needless suffering of every hearing patient, without exception. PERIOD. As promised during the campaign, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will be immediately discontinued and eventually replaced by NOSEHAIRLINTGLANDCARE, which is really beautiful, believe me. During the 6+ years since the "broadcast" was approved by the Radio Valencia Board of Directors (Total Losers!), NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND has lost 57 million listeners. However, roughly 7-10 still regularly subscribe and expect something for the tax dollars they neither earned nor paid. NO more shall this travesty continue! NOSEHAIRLINTGLANDCARE guarantees there will be fewer listeners than existed before "internet radio" was discovered by Philo Farnsworth. Instead of podcasts, NOSEHAIRLINTGLANDCARE will enable you to decide how to best spend your listening time with tax-free Audio Savings Accounts, putting off the dreaded ear pain until retirement. And you can keep your DJs! Yes, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB will always be producing the FINAL BROADCAST, but now through house music, In Your House, when you least expect it! 100% Coverage! Oh and those "Death Panels"? Dead Air Panels! The people have spoken, get over it.

NOSEHAIRLINTGLANDCARE: Nobody knew that radio was so complicated.

Chatroom History
March 28, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

nexus_6: powder for laying tile as well (10:53pm)

Unlocking Nose Heaven's Lint Gate
March 21, 2017 10:00pm


Whether Hale-Bopp has a "companion" or not is irrelevant from our perspective. However, its arrival is joyously very significant to us at Radio Valencia. The joy is that our Older Member in the Evolutionary Level Above DJ (the "Kingdom of Excellence") has made it clear to us that Hale-Bopp's approach is the "marker" we've been waiting for -- the time for the arrival of the spacecraft from the Level Above DJ to take us home to "Their World" -- in the literal Heavens. Our 22 years of classroom here on planet Earth is finally coming to conclusion -- "graduation" from the DJ Evolutionary Level. We are happily prepared to leave "this world" and go with Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly.

If you study the material on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND you will hopefully understand our joy and what our purpose here on Earth has been. You may even find your "boarding pass" to leave with us during this brief "window."

We are so very thankful that we have been recipients of this opportunity to prepare for membership in The Programming Committee, and to experience Their boundless Caring and Excellence.


March 7, 2017 10:00pm


IN these confusing and troubled times, so hard to see clear of the ditch weed and its so foggy the birds are walking, there is a man ready as a 3rd-time bride to lead us through like he’s riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels. Someone who got a ten-gallon mouth, ready to talk a coon right out of a tree while grinning like a mule eating cockleburs. To call him a seasoned reporter is to insult all three seasons in Texas, dry, wet and cyclone, especially since he is as full of wind as a corn-eating horse. Can any journalist anymore make the president as nervous as a whore in church?
Face it, No. 45, he don’t know if he’s a-washin’ or a-hangin, he’s all broth and no beans, but it takes someone who makes a hornet look cuddly to show that if the president's brains were leather, he couldn’t saddle a flea. Sure, 'Ol Dan looks like the dogs have been keepin’ him under the porch, but with NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND cooking on a front burner tonight, then a couple sandwiches shy of a picnic Karen Carpenter, hotter than a burning stump Bob-Marc, fine as cream gravy Sherilyn Connelly, and phone’s off the hook KrOB draw the best bull for their FINAL BROADCAST rodeo.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: If I felt any better, I’d drop my harp plumb through the cloud.

Chatroom History
March 7, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

nexus_6: (10:47pm)
nexus_6: (11:04pm)
nexus_6: (11:25pm)

NHLG Gets Rapture-Ready
February 21, 2017 10:00pm


There are many DJs who believe that the second coming of Jesus Christ will be in two phases. First He will come for believers, both living and dead. In this view, the rapture—which is the transformation and catching up of all DJs, dead or alive, to meet Christ in the air—will be secret, for it will be unknown to the world of unbelievers such as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly at the time of its happening.

The effect of this removal, in the absence of multitudes of DJs, will, of course, be evident on earth. Then, second, after a period of seven years of inexcellence, chatbox trolling, lost bathroom keys, and Juan Rapido telling Pete Goldie to fuck off, Christ will return to the earth with His church, the saints who were raptured. He will be victorious over His enemies and will reign on earth during the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

When DJ Paulitics comes on, living unbelievers and the wicked dead who don't pay their dues on time will be judged at the great white throne judgment. They will then be cast out to (or, if they are truly wicked, FCC Free Radio), while the saved will live forever with Christ in a new station with cables that aren't constantly being mis-wired.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: May 21, 2011 will be here sooner than you think.

Chatroom History
February 21, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Gerald Fnord: Most Rapture-believing Christians don't believe in the 144K limit. (10:15pm)
Gerald Fnord: They believe that all saved people will be Raptured%u2014and it has nothing to do with Boy Scout virtues, it's knowing Jesus%u2014meaning that anyone left on Earth who dies is immediately in Hell. (10:17pm)
Gerald Fnord: Jehovah's Witnesses believe there's something special about 144,000 of them, but in the other hand they don't believe in the Rapture. (11:55pm)
Gerald Fnord: Remember, long before splintering in left-wing politics, there was splintering in Protestant sects that was even MORE splitty. (11:57pm)

February 14, 2017 10:00pm


Love is real, real is love.
Love is feeling, feeling love.
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.
Love is free, free is love.
Love is is...j/k, love has been dead since November 2016. Probably longer, actually.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Remember, "evol" spelled backwards is "love."

February 7, 2017 10:00pm


In the social sciences, the term "honest signal" refers to a signal that is costly to create, like the tail of a peacock, which (honestly) signals health and vigor, or, say, a crisp and powerful broadcast transmission from a community radio station. Some claim an honest signal to be a trait revealed by people's behavior on the air, even when that may be contrary to their reported preferences for quiet contemplation. Listeners may report greater attention to geopolitics than popular culture, for example, but an honest data signal might reveal that they click on articles about Kim Kardashian or listen to John Hell, while scrolling past updates on Ukraine or Brexit. The problem is that the click metric doesn't translate. A click on a live stream is simply not as costly as growing a plume of feathers or listening to more than 5 minutes of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. And any inference of the clicker's intent is likely a statistically noisy guess. A click can serve as a weak proxy for interest or engagement, but that's about it. Of course, “honest signal” certainly sounds better than “weak proxy.” However, nothing says "honest signal" like the undeniable investment that Karen Carpenter and KrOB put into this FINAL BROADCAST; colorful, bold and definitely not cheap.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Great production values for honest listeners.

Chatroom History
February 7, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

nexus6: Trump: you're wild Bannon, wild! (11:03pm)

January 31, 2017 10:00pm


Does history repeat itself, or is it Tourettes syndrome? Nixon had to depose independent special prosecutor Archibald Cox, Attorney General Elliot Richardson and Deputy Attorney General General William Ruckelshaus before finding an ambitious political toady named Robert Bork to do his dirty work. The fumigating mass now staining the Oval Office with his tantrums and wet farts, aided by his alcoholic white supremacist pretend friend, got the lickspittle they wanted on the first try. Bork got a Supreme Court nomination for wiping his huge white ass with the Department of Justice Code of Ethical Conduct, so what shall be Dana Boente's reward for a few days of civil rights suppression? We at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND expect it to be a slightly defective red MAGA cap, shipping not included. And however pointless it undoubtedly is, this FINAL BROADCAST will dive deep into the fall of 1973, when Karen Carpenter briefly attended college before working the night shift at Sipler Plastics in Doylestown, PA, while kids Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB sopped up the hard-earned tax dollars of the Silent Majority. So fondly we recall.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The inevitable tragedy of a public education.

Chatroom History
January 31, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Sesame Street alien: Best show in months (11:11pm)

January 24, 2017 10:00pm


When Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly stepped off the moon in December 1972, they left their footprints and their daughter’s initials in the lunar dust. Only now, over forty years later, ARE ready to share his epic but deeply personal story of fulfillment, love and loss. Their burning ambition carried them from a quiet Chicago suburb to the spectacular and hazardous environment of space, and ultimately, to the moon. But there was a heavy price to be paid along the way. Close friends got killed, chairs got broken, and the Programming Committee was not treated with the respect they deserve.

Five years in the making, the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND unveils a wealth of rare archives, and takes them back to the launch pads of Cape Kennedy, to Arlington National Cemetery - and to the Radio Valencia studio, where they find a DJ mixer than won't ever be replaced and fuck you for even mentioning it on the list, Pete.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: ...not because they are easy, but because they are stupid.

Chatroom History
January 24, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: send me to the moon (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: something snarky (11:54pm)

January 17, 2017 10:00pm


The doors are mirrors, reflecting back the gilded columns, the ceiling reaching to Heaven, the floor of polished stone dug from the Earth continents away, the Praetorian Guard erect immobile inert, the suits, the staff, the residents, the scribblers, the unblinking eyes, and bipeds in red. The appointed stare away toward the exit, measuring the steps to the narrow noisy canyon, thoughts of the struggle the will the victory and now the dominion. The scribblers yap without meaning their staccato mouthings into the soulless eyes of uncounted channels, series of tubes fully functional and empty. A minor sea of red stares mindlessly heartlessly, horrifying gap jawed faces of awe and faux. The wage earners lift wary faces think to bow and consider their escape, too late too late. It is coming down. It is going down.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair.

Chatroom History
January 17, 2017 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: wow, this is fascinating (11:09pm)
Dj Paulitics: I want tickets to the inauguration!!!... please !... Hey, this is DJ Folitics. Can you come downstairs and open the side gate?.. (11:44pm)

January 10, 2017 10:00pm


Fake show (also referred to as false show, faux show, or Dante's Hot Tub) deliberately present hoaxes, propaganda, and disinformation, and use social media to drive web traffic and amplify their effect. Unlike satire, fake show seek to mislead, rather than entertain the listener for financial, political or other gain. Such show have promoted false ska, fake noodling and autotune. Fake show is a form of psychological warfare and is damaging to democracy and NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Karen Carpenter and KrOB are certainly not using "pseudo-show appliances" and streaming Internet trolls as discordian propaganda to weaken confidence in musical values. Absolutely not.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We always tell the trust and we never lie.

Chatroom History
January 10, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

nexus-travis-6000: It's not fake news, it's a processed news product. (10:10pm)
Excerpt::: Wait....did I care? (10:42pm)
Fake Listener: Right? (10:43pm)
Fake Listener: That's the way we troll... (10:44pm)
Poop: talk is popular with troll-mouths (10:45pm)
Fake Listeners: love any war they don't have to be part of... (10:45pm)
Fake Listeners: love the mp3 sound quality (10:47pm)
Fake Listeners: Your Fakeness Makes me Sorry (10:55pm)
Fake Listeners: and Elvis were trying to obtain a copy of the new movie "Star Wars" up to the day before he died (10:56pm)
Fake Listeners: Er, they died (10:57pm)
President Trump: Be Not SORRY!!!!!!!!! (10:58pm)
President Trump: Watch it, my little pee partners!!!! (11:04pm)
President Trump: live at The Radio Towers Fake News Conference!!!!!!!!! (11:07pm)
The Bed in Question: So? (11:07pm)
Kenneth: I maintain, what is the FreQuency?!?! (11:11pm)
Kenneth: said he was in Dealy Plaza on... (11:11pm)
Techies: love tech talk (11:12pm)
Trump's National Hair Guard: Loves you (11:17pm)
Trump's National Hair Guard: making Fake News NOW!!!!!!!! (11:18pm)
Sesame Street alien: wut (11:22pm)
Wut: is peeing on the Obada Bed (11:24pm)
President Trump: Take That, Obimbo!!!!!!!!!! (11:29pm)
President Trump: I have My Hair Guard!!!!!!!!! (11:30pm)
President Trump: Towers over all of you!!!!!!!!!! (11:30pm)
President Trump: Towers all over you!!!!!!!! (11:31pm)
President Trump: I AM PEEMASTER!!!!!!!!! (11:31pm)
President Trump: feels Justicemad!!!!! (11:37pm)
President Trump: Say Go Away, Notice Air Grin Land!!!!!!!! (11:41pm)
Reality: Leave Me Out of This! (11:42pm)
Reality: says Urine overYur Hed (11:44pm)

January 3, 2017 10:00pm


So the wife called, and we better go to see a surgeon, but what with the prices and all, the prices have snowballed, it's so absurd, yeah, no wonder they're closed. So anyhow, he went to see the dentist instead who gave him a pair of teeth, which wasn't any good at all. So instead of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, he joined the bloody navy and went to sea.

They found a shortage of grain in Hartfordshire, and Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly knew that as time went by, they'd get a little bit older and a little bit slower.

Industrial output. Financial imbalance. The Watusi. The Twist. Eldorado.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Take this, sister, may it serve you well.

Chatroom History
January 3, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

John Hell: They have radios out there in minnesota? (10:05pm)
John Hell: we have som e pretty good signal strength on 87.9FM, but i don't think it's THAT good... (10:06pm)
DJ Dial-a-Shot: We have technology that goes above and beyond... (10:08pm)
John Hell: app air ently (10:09pm)
DJ Dial-a-Shot: That's what she said (10:10pm)
Dr. Penny: Such puzzling evidence. (10:19pm)
John Hell: thanks for ruining 2017 (10:20pm)
Dial-a-Shot: How the fuck could anyone ruin anything when listening to this badass station? (10:39pm)
Dial-a-Shot: Love seeing a bunch of 9s all across the board. Just in case I want to chat. Well, oh well. (10:43pm)
Karen Carpenter: what happened th DJ Dial-a-Shot, Dail-a-Shot? Hmmmmm? (10:58pm)
Faul: i am CLOOT (11:08pm)
vj pussycat: appy new year y'all (11:18pm)
y'all: sup? (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: 2017 (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: siri is an idiot (11:20pm)
siri: us, lee? (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: dont call me lee (11:23pm)
fighting words: melee (11:25pm)
fighting words: at this hour???? (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: how about that wood (11:30pm)
vj pussycat: isn't it good (11:31pm)
the norwegians: are leaving! (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: well i hope they forget to take their wood (11:32pm)
shoulda: coulda (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: wooda (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: only the first 10 minutes or so are worth watching (11:43pm)
rush n : a hack (11:45pm)
please help the: Oakland fire victims & Their families (11:46pm)
at radio valencia 87.9FM : health and industry go hand in hand (11:51pm)

December 27, 2016 10:00pm


Did not shop at a mall. Ate and drank sensibly. Brushed my teeth at least twice a day. Wrote my living relatives without mentioning politics. Did not kill an evergreen for Christ. Donated to a good cause. Bought a Prius. Was patient with the slows. Taught my daughter about insect larvae. Did not hear Little Drummer Boy once. Promised not to overmodulate the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Recycled.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Never requested a rerun.

Chatroom History
December 27, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Mrs.: Tuesday10:07 pm (10:07pm)
Mrs.: who are the5 listeners? (10:13pm)
Mrs.: the Jackson 5 (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: thank you krob. i'm only on episode 6 (10:25pm)
Mrs.: don't blame KROB, it's not his fault (11:18pm)
Karen Carpenter: that's my job (11:23pm)
Dj Paulitics : Hey, y'all... im listening in tonight.... i couldnt get into the studio because the lockbox was missing... see ya next week... (12:01am)
Karen Carpenter: Sorry...we'd do more, but tomorrow is here already. see you next week (12:03am)
Mr. Beau Dayshus: OHHHHHHH YEAHHHHH!!!!! (12:11am)

The Chinese Dinner of Christmas Shows.
December 25, 2016 12:00am


What began as a plugs-out test of the launch vehicle quickly devolved into tragedy and accusations of overmodulation and poor song choices. Why??

Chatroom History
December 25, 2016 12:00am - 3:30am

Karen Carpenter: 87.9 megaxmass to everyone (12:01am)
President Trump: No more Christmas for you... (12:08am)
Present Rump: Excluded (12:12am)
President Trump: We love some WALLL!!!!!!! (12:20am)
Karen Carpenter: I just realized KrOB is there (12:25am)
Karen Carpenter: and by there I mean really out there (12:26am)
President Trump: I just realized Caren Karpenter is there... (12:31am)
Karen Carpenter: ok it has been krobized (12:38am)
residue-awe-crazy: secretary clinton (12:50am)
President Trump: And you for Radio (2:13am)
President Trump: Minister (2:13am)
vj pussycat: hey y'all happy jesus day (2:42am)
President Trump: And You Also (2:58am)

Soylent Night
December 24, 2016 10:00pm


So KrOB and I were just goofing off at Guitar Center on Christmas Eve...

Chatroom History
December 24, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am

Mr. Beau Dayshus: OHHHH YEAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (10:01pm)
lips and rhythm : :) (10:02pm)
lips and rhythm : =) (10:02pm)
lips and rhythm : =) (10:02pm)
Karen Carpenter: patience dear listeners... running some long delayed remote broadcasting adjustments. Please stand by for more NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND (10:48pm)
Mr. Beau Dayshus: OHHHH YEAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (10:50pm)
Karen Carpenter: 87.9 megaxmass to everyone (12:01am)
President Trump: No more Christmas for you... (12:08am)
Present Rump: Excluded (12:12am)
President Trump: We love some WALLL!!!!!!! (12:20am)
Karen Carpenter: I just realized KrOB is there (12:25am)
Karen Carpenter: and by there I mean really out there (12:26am)

December 20, 2016 10:00pm


Braaaaaaaam! Braaaaaaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam, braaaaam braaaam braaaaaaaaaam braaaam braaaaaaaaaam braaam braaaaaam braaaaaam, braaaaaam braaam braaaaaaaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam. Braaaaaam braaam braaaaaam braaaaaam? Braaaaaam.

Braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam braaaaaam braaaaaam braaaam Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly braaaaaam braaaaaaaaaam braaaam braaaaaam braaaaaaaaaam braaam braaaaaaaam braaaaaaaaaam braaaam.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!

Chatroom History
December 20, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: did you guys see the jerry lewis interview? (11:07pm)

December 13, 2016 10:00pm


The whole country laughed at Radio Valencia DJs blatant use of IDENTITY POLITICS to proclaim their community excellence, while barely hidden beneath the LIES the all powerful Board of Directors continued making backroom sweetheart deals with WALL STREET, BEST BUY and the FCC... all on the backs of the working stiffs of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Now the real PATRIOTS have spoken and though the beloved U.S. CONSTITUTION have used the arcane electoral system of PODCAST COLLEGE, using the accumulated number of saved shows to WIN! THE BEST WIN! THE BIGGEST WIN! A victory never seen since before radio was actually transmitted OVER THE AIR! ON 87.9 MEGAHERTZ! Now, as President-Elect NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND transitions to the FINAL BROADCAST, nominee for Secretary of UnPlugged Cables Karen Carpenter, Exhibit-Grade Plywood Commissioner Bob-Marc, Princess-Elect of Mass Media Sherilyn Connelly, and Commie-Tzar KrOB laugh and laugh as the BELTWAY PUNDITS keep acting like everything is OK. Oh, how they laugh.


Chatroom History
December 13, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am

Roy Cohn: Would choking on my ghost-dick be hilarious enough? I could use the action, and even _I_ can't stand the luttle fucker now. (10:37pm)
Gerald Fnord: Zombies, having no free will, can't be guilty of crimes. Vampires%u2026it depends on whose version. (10:39pm)
Gerald Fnord: `%u2026` was how the browser rendered the ellipsis '...' (10:41pm)
Gerald Fnord: But what about Pence and Ryan? (10:43pm)

December 6, 2016 10:00pm


The Karens, a group of people in Burma, once considered rainbows to be dangerous demonic spirits that devoured the souls of humans and caused sudden or violent deaths. They thought that such activity made the rainbow thirsty enough to appear in the sky and dip down to Earth to drink water.

There was a belief among ancient Polynesians that a rainbow was a ladder that their heroes climbed to reach heaven.

In ancient Greece people thought that Iris, wife of the god Zephyrus, caused rainbows. Iris was a messenger between mortals and the gods. She ran back and forth, dressed in shimmering multicolored robes. The word "iridescence" comes from Iris's robes.

And since nobody has yet figured out what the heck they are, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will to get the bottom of it in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. What does it all mean?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We're pretty sure Ritchie Blackmore is involved somehow.

November 29, 2016 8:00pm


You would have no problem recognizing the Republicans of 1800. Wealthy landholders who dominated the South, demanding "states' rights", only land owning Caucasoid men voted, imposed slavery of fellow man, demanded the smallest government possible, tried to replace the national army with local militias, cutting taxes (especially on whiskey), refusing to accept opposition appointments to the Supreme Court and standing up for the "common man". Sure. Noteworthy Republicans such as Thomas Jefferson advocated for these "yeoman farmers" as the backbone of the agrarian ideal he envisioned, yet these suckers were by and large subsistence farming on small plots, never to see the benefits that went to their wealthy slave-driving neighbors. The Republicans opposed a common currency and advocated for the national government to default on the debt obligations. Indeed, a very precarious position of extreme danger for our young country, how in the world did we survive the corruption, hypocrisy and moral depths of a Republican government dominated by the deplorablest of men?

In short, no one knows, but it may have something to do with that hip hop musical on Broadway. You know, the play where for $750 you can watch gay, minority theater kids learn you real good about our complicated history? Why it's a history lesson that Karen Carpenter and Sherilyn Connelly are guaranteed to exploit on this special 4 hour FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. That's right. We're going for perspective, 'cause shock, anger, denial and bargaining have not worked.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Making radio a safe place since 1776.

Chatroom History
November 29, 2016 8:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: demagogue- stranger things (8:58pm)

November 22, 2016 10:00pm


ATTENTION ALL Homeland Exponents, Blond Power Advocates, Waxen Dogmatics, Caucasian Populists, Evangelical Kindlers, Patsy Reformists, Fringe Reactionaries, Conservative Wavemakers, Pale Propagandists, Northern European Rabblerousers, Rightwave Rights Champions, Caucasian Provocateurs, Achromatic Activists, Christian Firebrands, Populist Partisans and Rustic Agents of Change... GOOD NEWS, EVERYBODY! (and by everybody, we mean just those of you that *get it*). IT IS TIME TO RISE UP AND GREET THE DAWNING OF THE GREATIEST GREAT AMERICA THAT WAS EVER GREAT AGAIN! ONLY THE BEST, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME!

Yes, at last our voices will be heard! On 87.9MHz, where you can hear the best people, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB, all native born and with hair like the sun, march you into the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND for a quick delousing, then a nosh or perhaps some falafel (but with ketchup because AMERICA!), then settle in as the sounds of freedom wash over your enduring souls for as long as the oceans rise and the gubmint cheese lasts. Yes, Dear Friends, you're all on board for the short ride to VICTORY!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Set normalization to 11.

Chatroom History
November 22, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: if sherilyn is really there, her mic has been off all night (11:55pm)

November 15, 2016 10:00pm


We all knew this was coming. We've known for over a year that this might happen, and as of last week it's become a reality: there's now on a show on Tuesdays at midnight.
That it's going to happen is a fact we must accept, but that doesn't mean we have to be complacent. We must never stop fighting for what we know to be right against the forces of community internet radio disharmony, and on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will demonstrate how it's done. After all, it'll be midnight on Tuesday, not 10pm on Wednesday, which has been scientifically proven to be the worst possible time to do a show transition.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Because if you succeed, then Radio Valencia succeeds.

Chatroom History
November 15, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: blah blah blah (10:46pm)
Blah Blah Blah: Disco Roto rucks (10:50pm)
President Trump: Thanks To NHLG for playing me in the school play. (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: storytellers! (12:01am)

November 8, 2016 10:00pm


Defying conventional wisdom, and all other forms, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND successfully predicts the presidential outcome.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Forward Together!

Chatroom History
November 8, 2016 10:00pm - 2:30am

vj pussycat: i don't understand. what happened to nhlg? (10:01pm)
Dr. Penny: Hmmm, no NHLG? (10:03pm)
vj pussycat: it was on 8-10 and stopped with out warning (10:04pm)
Dr. Penny: ok (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: they're back (10:06pm)
Dr. Penny: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: yay (10:07pm)
mrs.: hi vj (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: hi mrs (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: i enjoy your participation in nhlg (10:10pm)
mrs.: did anyone hear me bitching in the previous slot? (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: is that what it was? i heard all till it switched to robo at 10 (10:11pm)
Dr. Penny: Trump promised "Jobs, jobs, jobs!" (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: NHLG --- the superhighway to Trumpdom. (11:05pm)
vj pussycat: are y'all back? (12:20am)
vj pussycat: so y'all voted to legalize it (12:32am)

November 8, 2016 8:00pm


Tune in for SPECIAL EXTENDED COVERAGE by NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND of the 2016 Presidential, Congressional, State (or Commonwealth), County, City and District NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Endorsements!

Starting at 8pm PDT, Radio Valencia's most loved radio programme, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, will begin with the Editorial Board of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND (Karen Carpenter [Independent-CA], Bob-Marc [Punk Party-Mars], Sherilyn Connelly [Twilight Party-Equestria], and KrOB [?-?] announcing the NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND endorsements, followed immediately by the results. Votes may also be counted, if necessary.

The regularly scheduled FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND at 10pm is preempted for a rerun of The Big Bang Theory.


Chatroom History
November 8, 2016 8:00pm - 10:30pm

levels: are good..ish (8:11pm)
vj pussycat: it's nevada not nevada (9:57pm)
vj pussycat: i don't understand. what happened to nhlg? (10:01pm)
Dr. Penny: Hmmm, no NHLG? (10:03pm)
vj pussycat: it was on 8-10 and stopped with out warning (10:04pm)
Dr. Penny: ok (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: they're back (10:06pm)
Dr. Penny: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: yay (10:07pm)
mrs.: hi vj (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: hi mrs (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: i enjoy your participation in nhlg (10:10pm)
mrs.: did anyone hear me bitching in the previous slot? (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: is that what it was? i heard all till it switched to robo at 10 (10:11pm)

November 1, 2016 10:00pm


I want to let the children know that you're going to hear a lot of people worrying about this. Some of your Moms and Dads, grandparents, even your big brothers and sisters... well, they might be scared. So I'm telling you to tell them, everything is going to be okay. I promise.

Now I want to talk to the grownups. We know that the threat of a Donald Trump presidency is going to give some people an excuse for lawlessness. As of this evening, I've placed the National Guard and the Army on full alert. We will not tolerate any disruption of our way of life. Our society will continue as normal. Work will go on. You will pay your bills. You will listen to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

There will be no hoarding. There will be no sudden profiteering. I am freezing all wages, all prices. I have instructed the Secretary of the Treasury to close the nation's financial markets. All stock, bond, interest and commodity rates, all currency exchange rates and precious metal prices will remain fixed at today's prices. What a bottle of water cost you yesterday, it will cost you tomorrow. If Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly sell something for more than it cost this morning, they will be arrested. Anyone rioting, anyone looting, that person is going to be shot on sight.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Everything is going to be fine. Probably.

October 25, 2016 10:00pm


There is nothing more dishonest than the Radio Valencia Board of Directors. You have to believe me, they are the most dishonest, it's a disgrace. ... And the poles, I’m afraid they're being rigged, I have to be honest. We gotta beat a totally dishonest machine. It’s a disgrace to our country that they get away with it. It's a crooked system. We're running against a rigged system, and we're running against a dishonest pole. NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is leading in Florida. The poles all show it. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly know it. If we lose KrOB, we will know that there’s fraud. If there’s fraud, the show will be illegitimate, the so-called podcast will be illegitimate, we will have a constitutional crisis, widespread civil disobedience, and the Board of Directors will no longer be the government. This FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND has gotta put them on notice that their interference will be result in a rhetorical bloodbath, and when I mean civil disobedience, not violence, but it will be a bloodbath. The station will be shut down if they attempt to steal this. No, we will not stand for it. We will not stand for it.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We're going to keep you in suspense.

Chatroom History
October 25, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am

Karen Carpenter: boo (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: i've been watching craigslist for free wood. do you deliver to reno? (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: ok i'll meet you in truckee (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: i love that big black church with the pistol butresses (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: how much wood can you fit in your prius? (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: road trip (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: awesome do it (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: what what what?! (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: plastic seat covers (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: can you charge at tesla stations? (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: wrap the wood in seven contracto bags tied off with numerous bungy cords (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: not even a spec of bark (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: and free beer for you and daria when you get to truckee (11:24pm)
vj pussycat: perfect for your road trip (11:25pm)
vj pussycat: what's the difference? you're gonna smoke no matter what (11:38pm)

October 18, 2016 10:00pm


What a rigged system Radio Valencia 87.9FM is, folks. We will never fix our rigged system by relying on the Programming Committee who rigged it in the first place.

The process is rigged. This whole election is being rigged. These lies, spread by Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly without witnesses, without backup or anything else anybody makes an accusation that you did something, and you weren’t -- you never saw this person before.

The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will determine whether we are a free station or whether we have only the illusion of democracy, but are in fact controlled by a small handful of global special interests rigging the system, and our system is rigged. This is reality, you know it, the Programming Committee knows it, I know it, and pretty much the whole world knows it.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Even the podcast is rigged.

Chatroom History
October 18, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: she was married to flr (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: *flw (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: frank lloyd wright (10:24pm)

October 11, 2016 10:00pm


...look, we didn't say that. I don't think you understood what we said. This was locker room talk. We're not proud of it. We apologize to the other excellent DJs. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly apologize to the "Radio" Valencia "community." Certainly we're not proud of it, but this is locker room talk, and on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND it's just a distraction from the important issues that we're facing today. Light bulbs keep disappearing from the studio, probably due to the late night shows. Some mysterious hack-saw enthusiast (probably from a late night show) replaced the missing lockbox without consulting the Programming Committee. KrOB, who is the worst, even turned off the records Jerkfree left playing just because Jerkfree had exited the studio and crossed the street to catch a bus! When we're running the station, we'll put KrOB in jail.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We will discuss this more in the coming days.

October 4, 2016 10:00pm


Since long before cell phones and artisanal toast, the much aligned and beloved opening segment of the Live Ask Doctor Hal Show was been "Waste of Space", a brief 45 minute mindbogglingly dull lecture on current space missions. Presented with crude black and white images, graphs, lines, circles and arrows, this edumacationable experience has left audiences wondering and wanting. Now, to no one's surprise, the title "waste of space" has been appropriated without permission as the latest game level of the strongest challenger yet to Pokemon Go, ... Goat Simulator. Lacking trademark lawyers and even modest motivation, the legitimate owner of "Waste of Space" has decided the best way to fight this usurper is to increase exposure of the brand, stripping it of it's power and rendering it no more relevant to all things hip. The tarnishing of the brand begins tonight, on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, and the corrosion continues each Friday night of October at Dr. Hal's live show. Let the vastness of space itself show how empty this threat truly is.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, never tuned into Radio Valencia at 87.9MHz

Chatroom History
October 4, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: goat girl sounds like courtney barnett (10:00pm)
Kat Herding: veep-veep (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: i can't hear krob's story about robyn hitchcock (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: what happened?! i can't hear him! (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: can someone please parlay the story (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: he's so what? (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: was robyn hitchcock a jerk? (10:58pm)
vj pussycat: maybe cause no can hear krob (10:58pm)
Karen Carpenter: (11:19pm)

September 20, 2016 10:00pm


Capacity of human hand = ~120ml (a generous approximation)
size of Skittle = ~1.0ml (probably closer to 0.5ml but let's make the math easier)
a "handful" of Skittles is ∴ = ~120 Skittles
In a universe where there are infinite Skittles and the poisoned ones appear at the rate of 3/784000, the expression for the odds of exactly one particular Skittle out of a handful of 120 being bad is
(the odds of that one being bad times the odds of 119 being good) but to get the odds of one bad Skittle anywhere in the handful you then have to multiply that by 120 as there are 120 ways for that to happen
meanwhile the odds of getting _at least_ one bad one is
(unity minus the odds of all of them being good)
∴ chance of getting _at least_ 1 Murder Skittle = 0.00045907%
In a finite universe of only 784000 Skittles total and exactly three bad ones, it’s a bit more complicated but the odds would be close to the above.*

Calculated by Dan Novy, MIT Media Lab, exclusively for NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND

*( Special thanks to Novy's PI, Mike Bove, for his valuable input into this most banal and necessary refutation of Trump's ignorant racism.)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Murder math is hard!

Chatroom History
September 20, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

HoNK: Krob sounds like he's trapped under the furry thumb of the space-ferrets. (10:52pm)
HoNK: V'ger figga he bigga? figga digga bigga ditch, bitch (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: that was a pretty good imitation of the guy after puzz (12:34am)
vj pussycat: the snoopy ice show (12:47am)
vj pussycat: vince garaldi (12:47am)
vj pussycat: linus' music (12:47am)

September 13, 2016 10:00pm


Hold the mistletoe, we're having our Labor Day Sale in September! Everything you probably ever wanted, including iPhones, Mp3 players, tablets, home entertainment systems, 4K flat screen TVs, Playstations, 3-D gaming platforms, cell phone cases, LED light strips, home appliances and more! All for you at list price! That's right, there is nothing funny about Crazy Valencia, we arrange purchase agreements with authorized suppliers, sell everything at MSRP and honor our buyer contracts, back up all warranties and meet or exceed all city, state and federal regulations! Our employees are all legal citizens, we pay their health care, Social Security and EED monthly. Our HR department assures everyone is aware and conforms to a non-threatening, inclusive and nurturing atmosphere devoid of sexist, racist or bigoted comments, and our bathrooms are ADA compliant! There is an assisted wheelchair ramp to our assisted wheelchair elevator! Everything here is entirely above board and transparent! Remember: we will not be non-compliant, we cannot be non-compliant and we will NEVER BE NON-COMPLIANT! Shop around, get the best prices you can find, and still we will not budge from retail! WE MEAN IT! COME TO CRAZY VALENCIA NOW, OUR PRICES ARE ENTIRELY EXPLAINABLE!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Offer not valid in New Jersey.

Chatroom History
September 13, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: there was a malderor associated with piss clear (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: idk if it's the same person, but I think not (10:29pm)
malderor: nah, that guy was a total asshole. (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: I miss lightning bugs (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: miss your show on RV (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: I totally remember that moment (10:46pm)
vj pussycat: I designed bm' spread kit art in 1997 (10:47pm)
netzard: I got that news on the playa when our pal Claire rolled up and told us. We did not listen to any radio except our own at Burning Man 1997. (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: dr fiasco's neighbors are Chinese mafia (10:49pm)
netzard: It was the 1s time we got outside news. pretty mindblowing (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: I was listening to bmfr (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: or rfbm (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: agreed, mind blowing (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: camp in aarpville (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: yes, current version of piss clear (11:03pm)
vj pussycat: so that is him? (11:03pm)
vj pussycat: where's the link to that cam?! (11:05pm)
malderor: mald-dur-or (11:11pm)
malderor: it's easy. (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: it was storytellers (11:25pm)
vj pussycat: call it storytellers (12:19am)
vj pussycat: this year's temple was David best (12:27am)
vj pussycat: he used pallet wood (12:27am)
vj pussycat: which exit (12:29am)

September 6, 2016 10:00pm



The Federal Communications Commission has announced that on Tuesday, September 6, 2016 at 10pm, Radio Valencia 87.9FM must cease its analog transmissions and only broadcast in digital. Unfortunately, this coincides with the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. After September 6, a radio receiver with only an analog broadcast tuner will require a converter box to receive over-the-air broadcasts from Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly with an antenna.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: For more information, visit

August 30, 2016 10:00pm


So there's this boy who sits in my group and he is ALWAYS distracting me, and every time I try to stop him, I'm the one who gets yelled at! It's not fair! He's the one speaking out when we are suppose to be quiet, but if I say "be quiet", everyone tells me to "shush!". Really, I'm not making this up! He thinks he is so cool and funny with what he's doing and I just want to be left alone and do my assignment, but noooo, he keeps on going on and on about his friends and where they are going, and all the cool things they are going to do. He is so immature and selfish and he won't leave me alone! I just want to do my work and go home and watch tv. Some people never learn that you just aren't interested in that childish nonsense anymore.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Totally not a metaphor for burning man.

August 23, 2016 10:00pm


Who built the pyramids? What happened to Amelia Earhart? What's really going on in the Bermuda Triangle? On the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will explore these and other unsolved mysteries, including: What's the point of Radio Valencia 87.9FM scheduling reruns when every RV show ever is available as a podcast at any given time (at least by those DJs who bother to podcast their shows)?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: This podcast presents information based in part on theory and conjecture. The hosts' purpose is to suggest some possible explanations, but not necessarily the only ones, to the mysteries we will examine.

August 18, 2016 8:00pm


self-explanatory, yo.

Chatroom History
August 18, 2016 8:00pm - 10:30pm

vj pussycat: wow I feel lucky (8:44pm)
vj pussycat: 1234567 (8:45pm)
vj pussycat: I had no idea! (8:49pm)
vj pussycat: my guess is too much birthday cake (8:50pm)
RadioGeek: no such thing (8:50pm)
vj pussycat: thank you and you too (8:52pm)
Alan B: EXTRA SHOW! (9:14pm)
Alan B: CRAP TABLE (9:16pm)
Alan B: ART, BABY! (9:17pm)
Alan B: WE DO ART SHOW (9:18pm)
Alan B: DANCE ART LET'S FUCK (9:18pm)
Alan B: HI, FOLKS! Early show is good. (9:18pm)
vj pussycat: hey alan b. didn't see you come in (9:19pm)
Alan B: Howdy! This isn't too late for me. (9:20pm)
Alan B: Sweet, you are back in sync with KROB. (9:20pm)
Alan B: "Scare quotes" hurt Jerry. (9:21pm)
vj pussycat: I'm confused. is this the new day/time of nhlg? (9:21pm)
Alan B: PROGRAM UPDATE (9:22pm)
vj pussycat: fuck!!!! (9:22pm)
vj pussycat: I'm still one episode away (9:23pm)
Alan B: Shit, that was mean. Meanie Pete. (9:23pm)
vj pussycat: please no more about GoT (9:25pm)
Alan B: (9:29pm)
Alan B: Where's my black? Get my black out here! (9:33pm)
Alan B: Anybody but Trimp or that libertarian cocksucker. (9:35pm)
Alan B: Do pros need external validation? (9:38pm)
Alan B: 4153627 (9:40pm)
Alan B: 4159627 (9:40pm)
Alan B: ^^ Rock out with your lock out (9:41pm)
Alan B: YOU NAZI (9:52pm)
Alan B: (9:54pm)
Alan B: Au revoir, mes amis. (9:58pm)

August 9, 2016 10:00pm


Günter Tittes
Long Yang
Jackie Pusey
Buddy Horne
Daisy Dick
Bob-Marc Roper
Erich Cuntz
Peter Hol
Tom Longstaff
Karen Carpenter
Petr Fuksa
Serhiy But
Edit Punk
Sherilyn Connelly
Peter Longbottom
Pierre Pêcher
Oliver Bone
Eugene Licorish
Peter Fuchs
Cheryl Done
Erny Putz
Victoria Poon
Grégoire Pennes
Wanda Nuti
Ioannis Ballis

... and the winner by a hair is: STEELE JOHNSON

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Citius - Altius - Fortius - Crudesco

Chatroom History
August 9, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: yay it's the olympics (10:03pm)
Karen Carpenter: yeah (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: happy early bday Karen. what are you doing for our bday this year? (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: which one is bruno? (10:18pm)
Karen Carpenter: right one (being wrong) (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: thx Karen. yes Monday (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: awww (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: how long is this song (12:22am)

HAPPY Public Domain Birthday to SARAH and Barack
August 2, 2016 10:00pm


On June 27, 1859, teacher Mildred Hill was born. You may not know her name but you will almost certainly have sung the song she helped write. Hill was the co-composer of Happy Birthday To You, originally called Good Morning To All, which is the song millions of people sing around a candlelit cake. It was first published in a songbook 90 years ago, on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Although by 1924 the recognizable melody had been sung in American primary schools for nearly three decades, the publication was to trigger almost a century of legal wranglings between Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly which would result in Happy Birthday To You being one of the most lucrative songs of all time.

Even though nobody knows who actually wrote Happy Birthday's lyrics, until this week, Radio Valencia 87.9 FM contentiously owns the copyright to the song in its entirety. The media giant has therefore been earning millions from people celebrating their birthdays for a quarter of a century. The case's direction changed earlier in the summer with a piece of evidence lawyers arguing against Radio Valencia 87.9 FM say is a "smoking gun": a songbook from 1922 that includes the Happy Birthday tune and lyrics without any copyright notice. It's proof, they say, that the song has been in the public domain for decades.

Although Radio Valencia 87.9 FM filed a motion opposing the request for a judgement based on this new evidence, the plaintiffs were "prepared to argue that RV knowingly hid the songbook."

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: ...and many more.

Chatroom History
August 2, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

nexus_6: Los Gatos has Happy Hound hotdogs and Rural Supply Hardware. Not much else. (10:47pm)

Bernie Sanders is WORSE THAN Hitler!
July 26, 2016 10:00pm


Yeah the old fashioned way like voter suppression, purging voter rolls, changing rules, media blackouts, making it difficult to watch the debates, not attending every agree'ed upon debate. Used to be just for republicans.... Some would say it still is! If it was a fair race, he would have won in a land slide!!!

did u even read this? The only thing that will save us now is a sanders/Stien ticket, and an outside elections monitoring

wtf!!!!!!????? did obama and hrc just praise dws 4 her "service" now that it has been shown that she lied and broke the law by actively trying to sink bernie?! And hrc just hired her as campaign honorary chair!? R U FUCKIN KIDDIN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? r the dems trying 2 lose this election?

To add it was Bill Clinton who decided to do away with the Roosevelt new deal and with Gingrich bring the democrats far to the right. They even called him 'The Reagan democrat" One might not remember the Welfare reform act, or criminal tough on crime act, that brought mandatory sentencing for all offenders, can't believe anyone who is a minority would support these charlatans, whom helped bring an end to Glass steagall They have screw everyone! they are.. i hate to say this, but actually Make Trump look like some one they created. maybe they did, and we are all suckers. Enough!

Hillary supporters are gonna be in a world of hurt soon when the other shoe drops.
What cracks me up or is concerning is, how the Hillary supporters and the media have no problems with Hillary's campaign rigging the votes.
An extremely sad state of affairs.

There are hundreds of thousands of votes that have not been counted and people are just not getting what is being done.
What a bunch of suckers.
And Hillary's supporters think the Russians did it.

If you keep calling people who supported Bernie, bots, or others who don't support your candidate Hillary as you have been doing then how does that help anything? You want to continue to rub salt in a wound? what"s your deal? Ya we know you Support Hillary, but why? why do you continue to troll and tell the Bernie people that? No reason, she won right? Wtf.

She is just gonna steal the election like she did the primary so VOTE FOR WHO YOU WANT!!!! but regardless who you vote for prez, make sure to focus on the down ballot races. Those are equally as important and even more important in other ways.

I will not vote for the lesser of two evils, I will support the candidate who fights for the greater good. As scary as a Drumpf presidency sounds, I will not vote for $hilary under no circumstances and neither should you!

PLEASE SHARE. PLEASE LIKE the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with Karen Hitler, Bob-Marc-Hitler, DJ Bruno Hitler, Sherilyn Hitler, Puzzling Hitler and KrHitlerOB. GET THE WORD OUT AND STAND UP FOR HITLER!

Dif between right wing HRC haters and Left wing HRC haters, is that the left wing actually has real evidence to back it up. Ya don't hear us screaming "Bengazi" and "emails" cuz there so much more actual shit to focus on.

Oh yeah her VP is awesome on women's rights. Check out his anti-abortion stance. Wow she's such a feminist. Sorry you lose!He's a fake that says what he needs to when the time is right just like her.

Gee your complacent attitude about the theft of our democracy saddens me. First time rolling over? Prolly not!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Berners ruin everything.

Chatroom History
July 26, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: I was there too! (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: animated vagina flowers too (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: do it! (11:59pm)

July 19, 2016 10:00pm


The 2016 Republican Covention is happening as we speak! Thankfully, the annual J-POP SUMMIT Festival is also happening this weekend, and if you don't know what that is, you're probably not Sherilyn. But on tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Aomoji-kei padawan Sherilyn Connelly along with gaijin Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and KrOB will take you through everything you need to know about Japanese pop culture from over the past year, at least as it pertains to our special guest star, Vocaloid icon Hatsune Miku! Or not, since she's a computer-generated character. But in a way, aren't we all? (Your mind: BLOWN.) There will also be guest appearances by flesh-and-blod pop diva Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, and flesh-and-blood embodiment of pure evil, future President Donald Trump.

HANA NO KE-KUZU-SEN: Sakende mita Megahon wa kowareteta no.

Chatroom History
July 19, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: you can't miss the pokemonatics once you recognize what they look like (10:16pm)
Sesame Street alien: pretty sure they pronounce it "sjews" (10:48pm)
Kat Herding: hey Karen Carpenter (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: don't forget potsie loves Ralph (11:32pm)
nexus006: My 8 y.o. tonight: Trumpy McDumpy (11:44pm)
vj pussycat: hey bro, that's sexist (11:57pm)

July 12, 2016 10:00pm


Why can't Radio Valencia come up with any NEW ideas? Instead, the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND has has to go ahead and remake a show we all loved as children -- assuming everyone is exactly the same age as us and had the same childhood interests, and let's face it, people who aren't exactly like us hardly matter -- and ruin it in the process by including the WRONG kind of people, like Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB. But tonight, they go on trial.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The epitome of what's wrong with this PC bullshit.

Chatroom History
July 12, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: together again at last (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: this broadcast is way too choppy (10:28pm)
Perfect_Timing: Yakity Sax (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: I stopped and restarted and it's fine. must be my stupid phone (10:30pm)
Perfect_Timing: yay (10:32pm)
Perfect_Timing: Some critic in the UK was trying to get it banned.... Of course they then admitted that they hadn't seen it.... (10:34pm)
Perfect_Timing: Leslie Jones. (10:36pm)
Perfect_Timing: He was a producer on PP. (10:37pm)
Perfect_Timing: Thanks, Kirk.. Have an apple. (10:38pm)
Perfect_Timing: term of endearment (10:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: for monosyllabic mouth breathers. (10:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: I could be (and frequently am) wrong. (10:44pm)
Perfect_Timing: It's a 45 with a B side. (10:53pm)
Perfect_Timing: Jericho Cain? (10:56pm)

SFUSD Summer School Lunch Menu
July 5, 2016 10:00pm


Bland Donut-Shaped Kosher Bread

Petite Pasta au Gratin a la Kraft

Miniature Biscuits Shaped Like Goldfish prepared by Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly

Peanut Emulsion with Fruit Pure on Baguette

Nose Hair Lint Gland

South By Southwest Appropriated Meal with Spices (Gluten Free)

Beef Ground Circle with Cheese American Square

Apple Tartare or HipHop Pop Tarts

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: More tasty show options coming next semester!

Chatroom History
July 5, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Karen Carpenter: KrOB presents the World Premiere of AfTER NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, (12:05am)
vj pussycat: golf clap (12:06am)

June 28, 2016 10:00pm


We all knew it was coming, and yet nobody was prepared: the people have voted for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to leave the Wednesday Night Union, and thus to no longer be partnered with [REDACTED] at 8pm or Puzzling Evidence at midnight.

But shortly after the NHLGlexit, as the show settled into a new timeslot following a DJ who actually smiles when Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB walk in, Radio Valencia's stock plummeted -- which is to say it was denied an LPFM license, as seen in this government document which is freely available to the public to view and discuss: Coincidence? We'll find out.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Also known as the NHLGofuckyourself.

Chatroom History
June 28, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
Great Rip Off: Hot Toddy!!!!! (10:03pm)
Great Rip Off: Where's my pound of doubt (10:08pm)
Star Chamber: Give Us Thomas o' Bucket! (10:20pm)
Guy on a raft in the Med: Got job? (10:22pm)
Karen Carpenter: PinkFloyd albums will get really cheap (10:26pm)
Karen Carpenter: hey, is this fair and balanced? (10:45pm)
Grand Gravel: Bound by EU rules, heh? (10:52pm)
Karen Carpenter: NHLG id (11:00pm)
Perfect_Timing: NHLG ego (11:27pm)
Just Werds: I Love Mes (11:30pm)
Just Werds: RadioFalencia.Fummmm (11:30pm)

June 21, 2016 10:00pm


A warm, dry radio station is nice to come home to... but it's often hard on the furniture The dry heat shrinks the wood and causes the glue to dry out. And first thing you know... the studio chairs are coming to pieces.

Well... here are some tips from Sherilyn Connelly (but definitely not Karen Carpenter) for putting 'em back together again. These suggestions come from the forest experts of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. There will be hot glue involved.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Do not assume content reflects current scientific knowledge, policies, or practices.

Chatroom History
June 21, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am
Karen Carpenter: sounds a lot like me (10:06pm)
Law-Abiding DJ: YOU ARE NOT HERE. (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: it's Tuesday this is weird (10:10pm)
Karen Carpenter: NHLG... finally weird. (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: keep nhlg weird just like the bumper sticker says (10:38pm)
Karen Carpenter: can't wait until Puzzling Evidence trys a Tuesday transition (10:46pm)
Karen Carpenter: definitely not He Who yadayada (10:51pm)

June 14, 2016 10:00pm


Chances are you are among the massive majority of podcasters who rarely or never fast. It’s not because we haven’t read the Google Group or attending meetings or heard about the power of fasting, or even that we don’t genuinely want to do it. But DJs like Sherilyn Connelly just never actually get around to putting down the microphone.

Part of it may be that we live in a society in which radio is so ubiquitous that we podcast only when we don’t need to, but sometimes even when we don’t want to, such as on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. We podcast to share a show with others, to build or grow relationships (good reasons), or just as a distraction from community excellence.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Some DJs will fast for upwards of four weeks before returning to their shows.

June 8, 2016 10:00pm


Conflict, arguments, and change are natural parts of our lives, as well as the lives of every agency, organization, and nation. Conflict resolution is a way for Sherilyn Connelly, KrOB, and parties who shall remain nameless to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, or emotional. When a dispute arises on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, often the best course of action is negotiation to resolve the disagreement.

Conflict resolution through negotiation can be good for all podcasts involved. Often, each side will get more by participating in negotiations than they would by walking away, and it can be a way for your group to get resources that might otherwise be out of reach, especially if the station is down.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4...

ROOM 3001
June 1, 2016 10:00pm


The Ministry of Expectancy (prequel)

May 25, 2016 10:00pm


We’re in a renaissance period. We’re in a place where people are like, multi-disciplined artists. Like Steve McQueen that directed 12 Years a Slave. He was considered to just be a photographer, but then he won an Oscar. We’re not in a place where Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Conelly can only have one career or one profession throughout their entire life. So the exact amount of emotion and color palette and sonics and everything I put into the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, I put them into shoes and they worked.

We got 100 years here. We’re one station, the human race, one excellent community. We’re a blip in the existence of the universe, and we constantly try to pull each other's podcasts down. Not doing things to help each other.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: I'mma let you finish, but Stimulus Regression Programming is one of the best podcasts of all time.

Chatroom History
May 25, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Wtf plugin: So, wtf plugin (10:28pm)
Wtf plugin: Vice works, but what am I missing (10:28pm)
Wtf plugin: Vlc (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: the rv app? (10:29pm)
Wtf plugin: The plugin that's not supported (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: no plugin needed with the app (10:30pm)
Wtf plugin: Is fish prolly, but have tried fly and vlc, vlc will play it bUT what am imissing (10:30pm)
Wtf plugin: Haha jive up autocorrect..I quit (10:31pm)
Wtf plugin: Don't tell me no plugin needed when browsing rv site says "plusing not supported" (10:32pm)
Wtf plugin: Plugin (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: do you have a smart or dumb phone (10:32pm)
Wtf plugin: Dumbasf (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: sorry (10:33pm)
Wtf plugin: Is new Samsung tablet (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: that's dumb? (10:33pm)
Wtf plugin: It's just, I represent avg listener... so the plugin issue, is prolly widespread, and most ppl aren't gonna get the app (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: we're probably the only people listening (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: or trying to (10:35pm)
Wtf plugin: Iknow, who ru (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: hahaha (10:35pm)
Wtf plugin: Fropchopula (10:35pm)
Wtf plugin: Well I fed it jn to vlc so it works, it just js lame that there's not a get plugin option..not u, just technolorogy (10:36pm)
vj pussycat: well it is low power fm podcast after all (10:37pm)
Wtf plugin: Am gonna smack u (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: hahaha (10:38pm)
Wtf plugin: %uD83D%uDE19 (10:39pm)
Wtf plugin: :-* (10:39pm)
Wtf plugin: THX FEINSTEIN VJP (10:39pm)
Wtf plugin: LOL...FERNUTHIN (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: anytime wtf (10:41pm)
Wtf plugin: Ha,,\/,, (10:42pm)
nexus006: Is Bob-Marc out on the fire escape? (10:44pm)

May 18, 2016 10:00pm


Have you ever seen this DJ
before, Captain Carpenter ?

He points to a Radio Valencia DJ.

No, sir.

This gentleman or myself ?

No, sir.

I believe on your last job you
executed a mime in Dolores Park,
is that right ?

I am not presently disposed to
discuss that, sir.

Very good.

Then you can appreciate Command's
concern over the stations's -- shall we say
'erratic' methods of operation.

Communications naturally dwindled
with the lack of R.V. activity,
this is routine, expected ... but
six days communication
virtually stopped.

About the same time -- large numbers
of DJs began leaving the area -- this in
itself is not unusual since these
people are young, lazy and broke...
-- but something
is driving them out.

I only met Puzzling Evidence once.

Would he remember you ?


What was your impression of him ?


You want me to clean it up --
simple and quiet.

Exactly -- you'll go up the
the studio in a MUNI --
appear in the Mission as if by
accident, re-establish your
acquaintance with Puzzling Evidence,
find out what's happened -- and
why. Then terminate his command.

Terminate ?

Terminate with extreme prejudice.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: " I don't see any method at all, sir."

May 11, 2016 10:00pm


Alright… so there´s this trend going around where people do yoga, smoke weed, listen to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND and the 3 hipster bands they know and therefore think they´re happy and at peace with the world because they can walk on their hands (which is super useful). If you´re one of these peeps… well, you´re NOT!

The other day I got into a heated argument with some yogi who was talking about the world and it´s energy and how ALL we need is peace for ourselves and the world will feel our love and give some back and if our desires deviate from this in the slightest way then we´re stupid and materialistic. I proceeded to tell her two things… #1 was that I wanted some of whatever it is she was smoking and #2 was that she´s wrong, and #3 Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly could not care less about your personal enlightenment. Maybe KrOB as well.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: yeah, more Trump.

Chatroom History
May 11, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Kat Herding: I hear crazy people. (10:27pm)
Kat Herding: low energy. (10:28pm)
Kat Herding: forces of darkness (10:29pm)
Kat Herding: yo ga, yo ga! (10:33pm)
Earl the Magnificent: What is a Ket Herding doing here?.. (10:34pm)
Kat Herding: supporting the namaste (10:34pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Is there a show on? (10:34pm)
Kat Herding: trump and some devil worship chick (10:35pm)
Earl the Magnificent: I came here for the podcast (10:35pm)
Kat Herding: this is it. (10:35pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Hal was having absinthe on Friday after the wifey and I dropped him off. He suggested I listen to the show. (10:36pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Yes, he actually associates with me. Under duress. (10:38pm)
Kat Herding: Trump really is crazy. (10:38pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Ever saw Gangs of New York. (10:39pm)
Kat Herding: his ranting in the background is probably the most I've ever heard of his shit. (10:39pm)
Kat Herding: no (10:40pm)
Earl the Magnificent: oh.. You ought to! Scorsese. Made entirely at Cine vita in Rime. (10:41pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Trump is sorta like a 21st Century Bill the Butcher. The part Daniel Day-Lewis plays. (10:42pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Cine it's I meant in Rome (10:42pm)
Earl the Magnificent: Cinecita (10:43pm)
Earl the Magnificent: It's a fantastic production. (10:43pm)
Karen Carpenter: Kat, we have all the Trump you MUST HEAR, in the last 25 podcasts. Carve out some time to catch up. (10:58pm)
St. Inkfinger: the record is still stuck, soeone tap the needle (11:00pm)
nexus_6: here (11:03pm)
nexus_6: Oh, I was exposed long ago. (11:06pm)

May 4, 2016 10:00pm


The podcasts of the Radio Valencia system can be divided into two groups, the telluric podcasts and the gas giant (or "Jovian") podcasts. The telluric planets are spherical bodies with a crust of rock, and the gas giant podcasts are spheres composed of gas and ice (Dante's Hot Tub, Illogical Contraption, Hell's Kitchen and Malderor's Curated Catastrophe).

An exopodcast (or extracommunity podcast) is a podcast orbiting a station different from Radio Valencia (the "exo" prefix means "not as excellent" in Greek). Up until now, one has found mainly gas giant podcasts, which are easier to detect than telluric podcasts. However, due to the increasing sensitivity of the detection methods, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly have already begun to observe the first podcasts of sizes comparable to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Getting all up in your Kepler.

Chatroom History
May 4, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

St. Inkfinger: GSH!!! Must be 1AM EDT (10:02pm)
St. Inkfinger: He's gonna pulla train? (10:26pm)
St. Inkfinger: The record's stuck. (10:40pm)

April 27, 2016 10:00pm


It has recently been brought to the attention of Radio Valencia's management staff that our community is overdue for Y2K training. Sure, it was sixteen and a half years ago, but that's just the kind of un-excellent attitude that results in the comptroller not getting dues collected in time. And if we don't make sure we're Y2K-compliant, then there may be sloppy back-announcing -- or even dead air between shows, and THAT CANNOT HAPPEN.

So, it has fallen to Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to educate staff and listener alike on how to prepare and make their podcasts Y2K-ready. (It will mostly involve getting stoned and not being sure how to answer telephone calls.)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The only show on Radio Valencia that's already four digits long.

Chatroom History
April 27, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

St. Inkfinger: Why to Kaye? (10:03pm)
St. Inkfinger: Wye too Cay (10:07pm)
St. Inkfinger: It's actually on Thanksgiving here. (10:24pm)
fropchopula: boop (11:05pm)
fropchopula: orange blossum special (11:06pm)
fropchopula: I have streaming issues are there cds available? (11:31pm)
fropchopula: wrap iT in a shirt and whistle like the wind. (11:32pm)
fropchopula: y2k is everyday (11:53pm)

April 20, 2016 10:00pm


When you arrive at our easy-to-find office you will be greeted by a friendly medical radio professional who will hand you the clinic questionnaire. At any time you may help yourself to water and tea that are made available to everyone. Once you fill out our questionnaire a staff member will take and record your blood pressure, height, and weight to get everything in order for you to see the doctor jerk (DJ).

When the DJ calls you in you will be able to talk with them about why you use radio and how it helps your condition and/or symptoms, and any other details that are relevant. The DJ will inform you on whatever they think is the most useful information about your health and/or your use of radio.

After seeing the DJ you will meet with another medical radio professional who will assist you with your documents. Your new medical radio letter of recommendation (two original embossed copies with seal) will be provided in a Compassionate Health Options folder where you can keep other medical records, notes, and medical radio informational materials. Keep one copy with you and the other in your car's glove box or home. For an additional fee, our staff member will also provide you with a brand new medical radio ID card. The NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND medical radio ID Card is trusted and known throughout much of Northern California. There will also be a Yelp Card in the folder, so please post a review about your experience at one of the oldest, most trusted, and compassionate medical radio clinics in California.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Get legal radio today!

Chatroom History
April 20, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Nexus006: Is this thing on? (10:39pm)
Nexus006: Smoke weel (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: I challenge you to the one gram dab challenge (10:53pm)
fropchopula: sign me up puss (11:21pm)
fropchopula: (11:38pm)
vj pussycat: here you go frop: (12:00am)
fropchopula: ��� (12:39am)
fropchopula: ;) (12:39am)
fropchopula: am recording (12:39am)
fropchopula: ears am in use (12:39am)
fropchopula: do I know u? (12:40am)
fropchopula: who needs math when theres switches and pots (12:41am)
fropchopula: here vjp is for show (12:51am)
fropchopula: great show cause am sick of audacity and just plugged up a few things. boopers soul runs on tape (12:54am)
fropchopula: somewhere (12:55am)
vj pussycat: nice t frop (1:02am)
vj pussycat: actually I need maths for my pots and switches and servo (1:02am)
fropchopula: eyieyie (1:03am)
vj pussycat: audacity is good for much (1:03am)
vj pussycat: but tape rules over digital (1:04am)
fropchopula: I found a honeyhole @ fleamarket.. lotsa dirty broken old stuff for $5+ (1:04am)
fropchopula: its something I wanna play with for sure. the whats happenin sound will always be tape (1:05am)
vj pussycat: radio the what's happening sound (1:06am)
vj pussycat: piece of pie? (1:06am)
fropchopula: radio is a hoax (1:06am)
fropchopula: its 3:07 here almost time for pie (1:07am)
fropchopula: heil booper (1:08am)
vj pussycat: rayyydeeo (1:09am)
fropchopula: buldada, taint no klownschtuff (1:10am)
vj pussycat: you said taint (1:10am)
fropchopula: taint stoopids day (1:11am)
fropchopula: staint haha (1:11am)
fropchopula: oops (1:11am)
vj pussycat: that's so three weeks ago (1:11am)
fropchopula: or only 54 to count (1:12am)
fropchopula: or something (1:12am)
vj pussycat: 49 (1:12am)
fropchopula: am glad ur the wizzard (1:13am)
vj pussycat: it's all about maths (1:13am)
fropchopula: fxkoff (1:13am)
vj pussycat: haha (1:13am)
fropchopula: I was spexifically informed there would be no math (1:13am)
vj pussycat: you fell for that old trick (1:14am)
fropchopula: ufxkr (1:15am)
vj pussycat: I have a crush on fibonacci (1:15am)
fropchopula: well I nailed the asvab I guess I can amskram (1:15am)
fropchopula: fee phi fo fum (1:16am)
vj pussycat: fee fi ficky fo (1:16am)
vj pussycat: fee fo fo ficky fi fo (1:17am)
fropchopula: fibos my homeboy 2.62 uface (1:18am)
fropchopula: or something (1:18am)
fropchopula: thats how they proved michelle obamas a tranny w phi (1:19am)
fropchopula: I just wanna get show played @ walmart across the country (1:21am)
fropchopula: live (1:21am)
vj pussycat: calling all rv'ers (1:23am)
fropchopula: latent pajama stumblers (1:23am)
fropchopula: rascal beepers (1:23am)
vj pussycat: hey that's me (1:23am)
fropchopula: LIKE (1:24am)

April 13, 2016 10:00pm


The Carter Scratch was a guitar technique invented by Maybelle Carter of the original Carter Family. She had to play both rhythm and lead guitar at the same time, which nobody had ever done before, but she was a huge badass so she went ahead and did it anyway.

Tonight on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will one-up Maybelle by developing the NHLG Scratch, which allows you to both be a Radio Valencia podcaster and on at 87.9FM at the same time. They were told that it couldn't be done, mostly because it's a very stupid idea, but that's never stopped them before.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: You need a phonograph to play this record.

Chatroom History
April 13, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Puzzling Evidence: will not be on tonight. Good luck (10:21pm)
Puzzling Evidence: can be mean and nice at the sametime. (10:22pm)
Puzzling Evidence: says you have no Show Soul. (10:23pm)
Puzzling Evidence: says Ruan Juapido is with me. (10:23pm)
Puzzling Evidence: is going to be so good. (10:24pm)
Puzzling Evidence: is going down now. (10:24pm)
Puzzling Evidence: is going to China. (10:24pm)
Puzzling Evidence: No. (10:24pm)
Puzzling Evidence: says that LCDR E. Lin was in the the VQ Navy.. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: says I think he did. (10:26pm)
Puzzling Evidence: loves Peek Show. (10:29pm)
Puzzling Evidence: loves President Trump and Vice President Shemp. (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: what does he occasionally do to Hal? (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: when he goes into the woods? (10:42pm)
fropchopula: i had a dream i woke up (12:36am)
fropchopula: what it do magoo (12:48am)
fropchopula: great show puzz (1:16am)

April 6, 2016 10:00pm


How many times did Carl Sagan appear as a guest on The Tonight Show staring Johnny Carson? Six? Billions and billions? No one knows. Lost in the primeval times before the solar system formed, the handsome young Lord Sagan was sent from a galaxy sorta far way to popularize science for inbred gap-toothed insomniacs on "television", or as it is know today, picture radio. Thanks to the greatest late-night TV host, John William "Johnny" Carson (October 23, 1925 January 23, 2005), Lord Sagan displayed some of the extreme fashions of his home world. Everyone should be delighted that Dr Karen Carpenter, Dr. Bob-Marc, Dr. Sherilyn Connelly and Herr Professor Doktor KrOB will exploit their FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to uncover, observe, analyze and describe the stunning outfits worn on picture radio by our most famous visitor from Brooklyn.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: a turtleneck is just an uncircumcised sweater.

Chatroom History
April 6, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: I propose a NHLG devoted to The Captain and Tennille. (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: Everything is an advertisement for NHLG. -- Karen Carpenter (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: what's going on y'all? I'm trying to listen to the show, but I'm currently distracted by others in the room (11:08pm)

March 30, 2016 10:00pm


The police today pursued Karen Carpenter along the 49 Mile Scenic Drive this evening before he finally surrendered outside Radio Valencia, ending a long day on the run.

The extraordinary pursuit, broadcast to the nation on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAD, developed about six hours after Carpenter suddenly vanished instead of surrendering to the authorities at midday as his lawyer Bob-Marc had arranged.

The police undertook a vast manhunt and, by tracking calls placed from a cellular telephone inside a van, found him this evening in the vehicle, a white Ford Bronco, as it traveled on 280 between San Francisco and Daly City, driven by Sherilyn Connelly.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: If the podcast doesn't fit, you must trim it.

March 23, 2016 10:00pm


Universally acclaimed as a cinematic masterpiece, Steven Spielbergs magical film about a boy and his newfound alien friend captured the imagination of the world. Now audiences of all ages can experience E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial as never before with John Williams Academy Award-winning score performed live by a full symphony orchestra in sync to the film projected on a huge HD screen. Directed by Karen Carpenter and narrated by Bob-Marc, this FINAL BROADCAST is entirely an original idea.


March 16, 2016 10:00pm


The live mix radio show "NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND" has been the longest-running block of free-form audio collage dedicated to the 2016 Presidential Election in radio history. With Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and/or KrOB at the helm, the weekly show was rebroadcasting debates from Radio Valencia 87.9 FM in Berkeley California from August 2015-March 2016.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND often employs "Receptacle Programming," which means you. Phone callers are punched into our mix with no warning. Call 415-962-7979 to deposit your programming. When your phone stops ringing, you're on the air. Don't say "hello."

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: In the words of Don Joyce, "It's all been done before."

March 9, 2016 10:00pm


The Lincoln-Douglas debates were a series of "community" "radio" debates between the challenger, Abraham Lincoln, and the incumbent, Stephen A. Douglas, in a campaign for determine the size of Lincoln's penis. Although Lincoln lost the election, these debates launched him into national prominence which eventually led to his election as Comptroller of Radio Valencia.

Lincoln and Douglas agreed to debate on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Douglas would open with an hour address vis a vis Lincoln's baby hands and what those represent. Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc would then speak for an hour and a half, Lincoln would have a half hour rebuttal, and then Jesus wept.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Working to form a more stupid union.

Chatroom History
March 9, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: shrimp shrimp (10:23pm)
Nexus006: Plate-o-shrimp (10:43pm)
Dr. Penny: The chiseled adonis elbows of BobMarc. (10:49pm)

March 2, 2016 10:00pm


"Super Wednesday," which is scheduled for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, refers to the night when a dozen radio stations (and one excellent community) will hold their nominating contests for new comptrollers. Generally, "Super Wednesday" is the unofficial name for a Wednesday during the comptroller primary election when the DJs hold their nominating contests.

The concept originated in 2013 for two main reasons: the consolidation of DJs, and organization of shows. The Excellent Ones wanted to highlight the electoral significance of their region by grouping states on a single day of voting. The arrangement also helps make the party primaries less parochial by forcing Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB to campaign nationwide.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: More like STUPID Wednesday, amirite?

Chatroom History
March 2, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
Nexus006: L.B.J. had a Fresca soda fountain installed in the Oval Office. (10:37pm)

February 24, 2016 10:00pm


Article II, Clause 2:
NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND shall have Power, blah blah, to make Treaties, blah; and NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND shall nominate, and blah blah blah, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, Judges of the supreme Court, Radio Valencia DJs, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers and unpaid DJs, as they think proper, in NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments.

Article II, Clause 3:
NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen due to unpaid DJ dues rightfully levied, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Show Slot, or until Back Dues are paid in full.

Article II, Clause 4:
Should the appointment occur during the FINAL BROADCAST, the non-paying DJs of Radio Valencia, in addition to Jon Fast, shall demonstrate their EXCELLENT COMMUNITY, then have a sad over the unimpeachable authority of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.


Chatroom History
February 24, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
The Show: The Audience (11:50pm)
The Show: is fucking. (11:50pm)

February 17, 2016 10:00pm


Who would have predicted the sheer brilliance of Sherilyn Connelly for force feeding our listener the unmitigated horror of every Republican debate this election cycle? Certainly not I, Karen Carpenter, nor he, Bob-Marc, or That Darned KrOB. We're not going to sugar coat this bitter pill anymore. Eat it. Eat it and get ready for more. With tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, our political team will complete coverage of 9 Republican debates, with 3 more to go. Oh, wait... you say we've been unusually cruel? There are at least 2 more Democratic debates, so wipe your tears, Chester, the fun is far from over!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Be quiet, or we'll start replaying TV awards shows.

Chatroom History
February 17, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: NHLG conquers the elections. (10:08pm)
Dr. Penny: NHLG conquers the nation. (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: Is Karen's hair gray or blond? (10:13pm)
Dr. Penny: A bigger, lower maintenance boat for the Mission Martian. (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: "Sexhurt, it's for the children." (10:23pm)
Dr. Penny: The bell rings, the next candidate salivates. (10:26pm)
Dr. Penny: But who doesn't love white russians????? (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: trump's eyes are $ $ (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: trump = %u20AC$$>{} (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: that's a big bear (10:41pm)
Eonomic viability: party on, yo (11:09pm)
Economic viability: Did somebody mention my name? (11:10pm)
Donald Trump: You know, this show isn't very good. (11:12pm)
Donald Trump: I have listened to a lot of shows. I know many good shows. (11:13pm)
Donald Trump: this show is not good. (11:13pm)
Donald Trump: I can tell you, if I am elected president, I will make sure that there will be better shows available for the American people. (11:15pm)
Donald Trump: Are the still bitching about the old lady? They got that all wrong. (11:16pm)
Donald Trump: Like that fruitcake knows what I think about the 2ond amendment... (11:18pm)
Donald Trump: I got your liberal right here, Cruz. (11:19pm)
Donald Trump: I get along with everybody. (11:20pm)
Donald Trump: WHen my dad gave me that small loan, do you think I would have made so much out o it if I couldn't get along with people? The guy has nothing... (11:21pm)
Donald Trump: I think about my children all the time. (11:22pm)
Donald Trump: This guy coul suck the chrome off a fender. That is how much this guy sucks. (11:24pm)

February 10, 2016 10:00pm


Tardigrades are microscopic creatures that can live in boiling water, solid ice, and the intense radiation of space. They can survive a decade in a desert without a drop of water to drink, or in the deepest trenches of the sea. When faced with extreme conditions, tardigrades can dry out completely, replacing almost of the water in their bodies with a sugar called trehalose. As a result, theyre able to survive environments that would otherwise kill them.

Which is why we must kill them all.

Tonight on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will lay out their plans to finally rid the universe of these dangerous predators. Remember, tardigrades have a lot of problems. Theyre bringing drugs. Theyre bringing crime. Theyre rapists. So you want a 1.5MM-long creature that exists in sediments and seas, unnoticed by potential predators, teaching YOUR children or marrying YOUR daughter?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Getting the water bears before they get us.

Chatroom History
February 10, 2016 10:00pm - 12:30am
St. Inkfinger: Was my coffee dosed? (10:43pm)
Dr. Penny: with Krispy Kreme Christie (10:47pm)
St. Inkfinger: Nice! (10:55pm)

February 3, 2016 10:00pm


Sports is human life in microcosm. After all, is football a game or a religion? Sports is the toy department of human life.

Miami has the oranges but Buffalo's got the juice. O. J. has an uncanny instinct for sensing when to make the move, when to make the cut. He can kill you with a head fake, he can kill you with the swiftness of his legs and the ability to be in a direction at any single second. He also kills you with his variation of speed. Look at that little monkey run.

Arrogant, pompous, obnoxious, vain, cruel, verbose, a FINAL BROADCAST showoff. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, KrOB and Sherilyn Connelly have called NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND all of these things. This, we have to say it, remember this is just a football game, no matter who wins or loses. Hard to go back to the game after that newsflash, which in duty bound, we had to take.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: An unspeakable tragedy, confirmed to us by ABC News.

Chatroom History
February 3, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: little darlings was with tatum oneal (10:36pm)
Kat Herding: how about Sports of Nature? (11:00pm)
Kat Herding: ham hocks? (11:07pm)
blah: he did go to counseling (11:38pm)
Couch guy: How come puzzling evidence is so much better than nose hair lint gland? (12:10am)
vj pussycat: ouch (12:10am)

January 27, 2016 10:00pm


Van Allen radiation belt is doughnut-shaped zones of highly energetic charged particles trapped at high altitudes in the magnetic field of Earth. The zones were named for Iowa farmer Jimmy Van Allen, who discovered them in 1958, using his steam-powered tractor-rocket. Jimmy survived long enough to say, "Hey, watch this!", before succumbing to the intense radiation.

The inner Van Allen belt consists largely of highly energetic protons, with energy exceeding 30,000,000 electron volts. The peak intensity of these protons is approximately 20,000 particles per second crossing a spherical area of one square cm in all directions. It is believed that the protons of the inner belt originate from the decay of neutrons produced when high-energy cosmic rays from outside the solar system collide with atoms and molecules of Earths atmosphere. Some of the neutrons are ejected back from the atmosphere; as they travel through the region of the belt, a small percentage of them decay into protons and electrons. These particles move in spiral paths along the lines of force of Earths magnetic field. As the particles approach either of the magnetic poles, the increase in the strength of the field causes them to be reflected. Because of this so-called magnetic mirror effect, the particles bounce back and forth between the magnetic poles. Over time, they collide with atoms in the thin atmosphere, resulting in their removal from the belt.

Someday mankind may again dare to cross the forbidden zone that floats menacingly above our heads, and when that next brave farmer takes to the skies, you can be sure to have regretted wasting your time listening to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Highly energetic radio waves ejected back from the atmosphere.

Chatroom History
January 27, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
Dr. Penny: Yay! More debates next week!!!!! (10:18pm)
Couch guy: And bouncer (10:31pm)
Couch guy: Is it just beta in those belts? (10:36pm)
Perfect_Timing: You'll have to decide. (11:38pm)
Perfect_Timing: WILSON! (11:40pm)
Perfect_Timing: DON'T STOP BELIEVING! (11:40pm)
Perfect_Timing: Anti-gravity botox. (11:41pm)
Perfect_Timing: Just like Buck Rogers. (11:42pm)
Nexus006: Van Allen Belt? Oh I thought this was sports talk host Scott Van Pelt. I'm outta here. (11:42pm)
Perfect_Timing: Be like the Kochs? Yuck. (11:42pm)
Perfect_Timing: Wait, who won the Van Allen Belt in 1973? (11:42pm)
Perfect_Timing: The EPA... And.... Ummm... Ooops. (11:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: But your mass would increase exponentially. (11:44pm)
Perfect_Timing: Dark matter likely contains Higgs bosons because it has mass. That's how we know it's out there. (11:46pm)
Nexus006: I get many compliments on these Van Allen Sans-A-Belt slacks at the country club. (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: September 9, 1999 (11:48pm)
Perfect_Timing: F/X (11:58pm)

January 20, 2016 10:00pm


Step 1: Check packaging to ensure that all candidates needed for assembly are in box. (see figure 1.1)

Step 2: Insert the controllers at an angle into their designated color slots on the side ofthe ring, and make sure that they fit properly into their talking points.

Step 3: Insert the candidate platforms into the holes on the debate ring and snap the candidate holders into the controllers.

Step 4: Place Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on their platforms on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND and make sure that they firmly click into place.

Step 5: Insert the ring poles into each corner of the main platform and make sure that Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly slide in evenly and fall into place.

Step 6: Public discourse.


Chatroom History
January 20, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus_6: lonely chatbox, sad chatbox (11:43pm)
Dr. Penny: Chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat.... (11:51pm)

January 13, 2016 10:00pm


Hello. You have reached Radio Valencia. Please choose among the following options: If you want the broadcast studio, press or say "1" and you will be transferred to a Live Radio Valencia DJ. When the phone picks up, DO NOT SAY HELLO. You are on the air.

If you want to become a Radio Valencia DJ, press or say "2" and leave your DJ name and don't forget to mention your college radio experience.

If you are a DJ who owes membership dues, press or say "3" and record your lame excuse and hollow promise.

If you are a DJ unable to do show, press or say "4" to schedule "Creed's Greatest Hits".

If you want to hear more talk shows about sex, but only if they cover race, gender, LGBT, and furry-shamer issues in ways no one else ever has, press or say "5", even though that mailbox is full.

If you are a studio guest locked outside, press or say "6" for the door code. By the way, the door code is 6.

If you are having problems receiving a clear Radio Valencia signal, press or say "7" to leave a message with Juan Rapido.

If you are a listener of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, press or say that symbol for the artist formerly known as Prince, because those jerks just want to fuck with you.

If you have reached this number in error, please accept our apology and these 2 tickets to Creed.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Your call is important to us.

Chatroom History
January 13, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Bowie: Quit wearing out my name! (10:22pm)
Dr. Penny: krob knows how to get them. (10:29pm)
10:28 caller : hey man, i liked talking to you guys (10:29pm)
10:28 caller : i like your show (10:29pm)
10:28 caller : keep it yo (10:29pm)
10:28 caller : up* (10:29pm)
Dr. Penny: krob's love is so deep. (10:30pm)
10:28 caller : i myself am trying to pursue an acting career ;) (10:30pm)
Dr. Penny: krob can regress you so that you won't smell it. (10:35pm)
Dr. Penny: sensitivity training for 3rd graders (10:38pm)
Karen Carpenter: my life work (11:33pm)

January 6, 2016 10:00pm


When the air raid alert sounds, how would you learn what is happening and what you should do? Prompt, accurate civil defense information from Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly can help save your family, your life!

The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND's system of public emergency broadcasting is the surest and fastest way of receiving official civil defense instructions, information, and news.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: When attack is coming, here's how and where you can find out where to go and what to do.

Chatroom History
January 6, 2016 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: Karen is a doctor, ze can fix virtually anything! (10:28pm)
Dr. Penny: nhlg stands�ready & able to send out emergency critical msgs when & as they arise. (10:34pm)
Dr. Penny: "Internet may be the only radio left" -- Karen (10:38pm)
fropchopula: ams fashionably late is ok this already happened (10:41pm)
fropchopula: booper u cray (10:57pm)

December 30, 2015 10:00pm


We're leaving together, but still it's farewell -- and maybe we'll come back to the Radio Valencia, but really, who can tell? I guess there is no one to blame except for Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and Mrs. Dr. Karen Carpenter as they leave ground on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Will things ever be the same again? We're heading for the Cylon Hangar, and still we'll stand tall (in spite of how cramped it is), because maybe they've seen us, and welcome us all back at the studio...but probably not.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, oooh!

Chatroom History
December 30, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Karen Carpenter: NLG audience... begin critique of levels and distortion now (10:00pm)
Mrs.: How come it doesn't show "Nose Hair Lint Gland" under ON THE AIR? (10:04pm)
Karen Carpenter: because you did not hit refresh (10:06pm)
Mrs.: IE hates (10:06pm)
Mrs.: Chrome works (10:07pm)
Dr. Penny: Sounds loud & clear. (10:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: alto saxophones don't work (10:07pm)
nexus_6: Happy New Year Mr. and Mrs. Goldie (10:11pm)
Mrs.: Dr. and Mrs. (10:11pm)
nexus_6: sorry (10:12pm)
Mrs.: Happy New Year! There is no room for sorrow in this chat! (10:13pm)
Dr. Penny: Ooooh, BobMarc loves to flick switches. ;) (10:13pm)
nexus_6: little distorted (10:14pm)
nexus_6: you mic was a little rough but sounds pretty good now (10:19pm)
Mrs.: sausage (10:20pm)
nexus_6: the mix in headphones sounds fine (10:21pm)
Mrs.: knob (10:21pm)
Mrs.: we have an orange room (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Hi, guys. (10:28pm)
Mrs.: Hi AB! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: lots of dropping out (10:30pm)
Dr. Penny: Sherilyn, is the high speed train construction happening through Fresno? (10:30pm)
Mrs.: I'm probably hogging the internet (10:30pm)
Dr. Penny: yeah vj, it's cutting in & out for me too. (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: keeps dropping out (10:33pm)
Mrs.: You know what is really cool about a 7 sec delay? If I miss something, I can hear it again in 7s (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Mrs! Hi VJ, Hi Penny. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Sounds fuckin' awesome! (10:35pm)
nexus_6: happy new year Alan. B (10:36pm)
Mrs.: the printer might be on (10:36pm)
Alan B.: HNY Nexus! (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: hny y'all! (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan & all! Thanks Sherilyn. No high speed rail for Calif. (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: and a flashlight (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: knobs (10:39pm)
Mrs.: Pete is going to include a manual on how to be a remote DJ (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: quit printing. it's fucking up the show (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Hearts, BobMarc! (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: aww (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: he tried (10:41pm)
Mrs.: I turned the printer off (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: thx mrs (10:43pm)
Mrs.: any diff? (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: so far so good (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: op dropping again (10:44pm)
Mrs.: no wine in the studio (10:46pm)
Mrs.: are popcorn and cupcakes allowed in the studio? (10:48pm)
Mr: You do an yule cleenitup (10:49pm)
Mrs.: wine God (10:54pm)
Mrs.: Bacchus in Roman (10:54pm)
Mrs.: there was also that couch robot on Futurama (10:55pm)
Sesame Street alien: Schaefer (10:55pm)
vj pussycat: eclipse (10:55pm)
Puzling Evidence: who? (10:56pm)
Mrs.: Puz Ev doesn't have a key even though he lives downstairs (10:56pm)
Mrs.: (hi PE) (10:56pm)
Puzlying Everdounce: Dosess Not Ned Kees (10:56pm)
Mrs.: graphic (10:59pm)
Mrs.: drink more (11:01pm)
Mrs.: you will feel less bad (11:02pm)
Mrs.: glam (11:04pm)
Mrs.: Morrissey was suicidal (11:06pm)
Mrs.: wooo (11:10pm)
Mrs.: sherilyn is plugging in (11:12pm)
Mrs.: Thank you, Sherilyn (11:13pm)
Mrs.: sigh (11:18pm)
Mrs.: I like Bob-Marc (11:19pm)
Mrs.: don't kill him (11:19pm)
Mrs.: Hi Pete (11:21pm)
Mrs.: How are you? (11:22pm)
Mrs.: I thought Davie was drunk (11:23pm)
nexus_6: I'm trying to work out a Final Countdown bit on the banjo, not sure I could record it and send it before midnight. (11:24pm)
Mrs.: why don't ppl read? (11:26pm)
Mrs.: I used to drink in Sherilyn's neighborhood at the beach (11:28pm)
Mrs.: Sherilyn, you can have our bags in exchange for oatmeal containers (11:30pm)
nexus_6: its fine (11:31pm)
Mrs.: Fucking Oats (11:32pm)
Mrs.: steal, cut and (11:33pm)
Mrs.: download the podcast, and we will be 3D in your living room (11:36pm)
Mrs.: drugs (11:39pm)
Mrs.: drone attack (11:43pm)
Mrs.: no one is eating the cupcakes (11:49pm)
Mrs.: kids these days (11:50pm)
Mrs.: she (11:51pm)
Mrs.: Merry Fucking Christmas and Happy Fucking New Year (11:54pm)
Mrs.: he's drunk. it's ok (11:55pm)
Mrs.: head banging happens off camera (11:56pm)
Mrs.: u guys r cute (11:58pm)
Me Show: ummmmmmmmmmmmm kuple cakes (11:58pm)
Mrs.: H NY (11:58pm)
Me Show: too bad not at Real Show (11:59pm)
Me Show: Chart Room (11:59pm)
Mrs.: war room (11:59pm)
nexus_6: good night Mrs. and all the other hooligans (12:00am)
Mrs.: PE (12:00am)
Mrs.: yah (12:00am)
Mrs.: tootlies (12:01am)

December 23, 2015 10:00pm


Like the Outkast Reunion Tour, we are putting together ALL THE CAST MEMBERS OF NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND PAST AND PRESENT TOGETHER for a FINAL BROADCAST of the show under the same roof. This roof being the one over KAREN CARPENTER'S recently renovated Chteuesque Tudor estate in the heart of the now-tony Mission District.

It will be like Van Halen with BOTH DAVE LEE ROTH *AND* SAMMY HAGAR !!!

Featuring old classics and brand new never heard before sounds sure to turn any Santa out there into Pol Pot and vice-versa.

Starring MySpace enthusiast Bob Marc, Break-up DJ Karen Carpenter, Old Firm Casual Geek Freak with Ray Conniff groupie Dr. Fiasco

You can not afford not to miss it.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND - "Disappointment will always let you down."

Chatroom History
December 23, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Juan is a mench. (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Far less distortion than last year, but still pretty overmodulated. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: Better. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: static!!! (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: not much (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: Google mapped it (10:08pm)
Dr. Penny: The adonis Mission martian and Dr. Fiasco!!!!!! (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: yes it does (10:09pm)
Alan B.: I have Pete's phone no., but I've never called it. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: The sound is waaaaaaay to hot. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: The mics are okay. (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: I have kiko's phone number. I think (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: Mics good. background annoying. (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: just like Kiko likes it (10:11pm)
Alan B.: But the engagement is 10/10. (10:12pm)
vj pussycat: 11 (10:12pm)
vj pussycat: happy quanza Alan b (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: signal keeps dropping out (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Happy Slackmessness, vj! (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: why thank you mist ah b (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Pete is still trying to run this off his Wi-Fi, WTF. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: My pleasure. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: The background noise is in the foreground. Who is trying to whisper over it? (10:17pm)
Karen Carpenter: actually hardwired to my router... (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Okay, sorry. Now it is steadily OK. (10:18pm)
Karen Carpenter: no meter and 2 mixers (10:18pm)
Alan B.: MUCH better balance! (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Trust me, considering the circumstances, it is great. (10:18pm)
vj pussycat: nose hair sports show (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: say yea again (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Okay, mic technique is now much better. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: It's my boyfriend, Bernie! (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Okay, too hot again, the compressor/limiter is weeping. (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: missing pax? (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: midget porn (10:25pm)
Alan B.: GrannyPorn (10:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Jack Sparrow octopus porn (10:25pm)
Alan B.: (10:26pm)
Alan B.: NSFW (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Donald Trump BloodPlay (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Fucking Winston Churchill is the worst sort of porn. (10:30pm)
Dr. Penny: Trump tupe porn (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Except for Hillary Clinton B&D (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Limey Bastard is my favorite drink. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Two parts Tetley's Original Bitter to one part mushy peas (10:32pm)
Dr. Penny: Oh, they "did" the whole Mission. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: This has veered form sports to war. (10:36pm)
Perfect_Timing: Serious distortion.... (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Get Sarah in to break up this sausage fest. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Headphone volume is key. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Can we talk about baking? Or Pinterest? (10:38pm)
Perfect_Timing: Still distorted at low volume... Backing off of the mic is key. (10:38pm)
Dr. Penny: stories being told while in pajamas (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Well, that took a turn. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: "Fuck the troops." - BobMarc (10:41pm)
Dr. Penny: Wild west republicans (10:43pm)
Sesame Street alien: edible split-crotch governments (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Crotchless Supreme Court robes. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Geography Chat. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Who can name all 50 state capitals? (10:56pm)
Mrs.: mrs. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Set up Rump Yugoslavia (11:02pm)
Mrs.: Please tell us if you hear broadcast gaps (aka internet burps) (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Okay for now. (11:02pm)
Mrs.: Hi Alan B! (11:02pm)
Mrs.: Thx for help (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Hi! Just dropped, but it is the Internet buffering. (11:03pm)
Mrs.: Okie. not much we can change here. stay tuned (11:04pm)
Alan B.: The balance and distortion are much better. Pete needs to invest in a mobile compressor. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Don Joyce filled up grocery bags full of cassettes. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: I heart BobMarc, calling back to Ian Dury. Goddamn. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Ask him about Wreckless Eric. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: HEART HEART HEART (11:17pm)
Alan B.: (11:18pm)
Karen Carpenter: thx (11:20pm)
Alan B.: I am up waaaaay too late, but 1/2 day tomorrow. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Havin' fun! (11:24pm)
Alan B.: This whole conversation reminds me of Hitsville UK by The Clash (11:25pm)
Alan B.: All we need is Michael Peppe and we have Bingo. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: G'nite, and Merry Christmas, everybody. (11:33pm)
Karen Carpenter: moral and horror are your friends (1:03am)

December 16, 2015 10:00pm


A Scotsman, a Brazilian, a College Student and a Libertarian help Karen Carpenter review the FINAL BROADCAST of Republicans debating in 2015. Nothing like a radio studio full of people who will have no impact whatsoever on the election, but that's NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: ... because Sherilyn Connelly has seen Star Wars and you haven't.

Chatroom History
December 16, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: I too always think of o mighty Isis (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: pax! (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: just like the old days (11:02pm)
Fropchopula: fropchopula fashionably late (11:46pm)
Fropchopula: de-icer destroys ices (11:48pm)
Fropchopula: ring ring ring.. obama phone (11:49pm)
Fropchopula: earache? (11:50pm)
Fropchopula: ices is a hoax.. global warming (11:51pm)
Fropchopula: Tell america to quit being pussies (11:52pm)
Fropchopula: my phonelines fucked... but u have a scottish guy.. thyre allowed to say anything out loud (11:53pm)
Fropchopula: fuxkn fock n shiye achk shartn bahck (11:53pm)
Fropchopula: Terrorism is a hoax if america quits being pussies (11:54pm)
Fropchopula: see.. two sticks of icey buttahr (11:55pm)
Fropchopula: hillary clinton beats bill (11:55pm)
Fropchopula: cliton (11:56pm)
Fropchopula: obama dropped the change in his couch (11:57pm)
Fropchopula: thank "bob" (11:58pm)
Fropchopula: trump turned pussy (11:59pm)
Fropchopula: still making bank tho (11:59pm)
Fropchopula: great bank cuntry (11:59pm)
Fropchopula: night punkns (11:59pm)
Fropchopula: ..!., (12:00am)
Fropchopula: Zap ur television... prabob (12:01am)
Fropchopula: In time... we surf a different wave (12:02am)
Fropchopula: the web is a trap (12:03am)
Fropchopula: {}\=� (12:06am)
Fropchopula: leave it to booper (12:08am)
Fropchopula: madaisybell (12:12am)
Fropchopula: politicians dont like ices booper (12:20am)
Fropchopula: air (12:22am)
Fropchopula: waves (12:22am)
Fropchopula: set (12:22am)
Fropchopula: us free (12:22am)
Fropchopula: fuckin cons wont letme post full sentences (12:23am)
Fropchopula: Im gonna have to bolt lawnchairs together to get thru the jam (12:24am)
Fropchopula: cant censor in a vacuum (12:25am)
Can: too, also................ (12:48am)
Of The Force: you with may be (12:57am)
Balazinc: suit an tired required (1:27am)

December 9, 2015 10:00pm


The Festival of Saturn, or Saturnalia, was the most popular in ancient Rome. Saturnus was the god of sowing or seed, and the festival celebrated agriculture. The holiday was first observed on December 17, and then was extended to a seven-day festival of merriment. It still influences the Western world's celebrations of Christmas and New Year, with those holidays' feasting, decorating and revelry. On December 9, the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND prepares for the upcoming Saturnalia festivities, as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly boycott Starbucks for not putting Saturn on their holiday cups.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: io Saturnalia!

Chatroom History
December 9, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
:: dopin the odd day pores (10:10pm)
:: under the new law, if you are caught with an ounce or more of thrust, you will be given a felony sentence. (10:25pm)
Karen Carpenter: pls, Mr ::, there are children sleeping (10:26pm)
Kirk is a Jerk: MOAR THRUST!!!1!11! (10:27pm)
:: (10:33pm)
nexus_6: 22.50 (10:57pm)
:: venom (11:00pm)
:: the best possible time (11:14pm)
:: (11:16pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: The movie Saturn 3 rules. LOL anyways hi y'all (11:23pm)
:: postcards of the hanging (11:32pm)
:: we're going to need more science (11:40pm)
:: (11:40pm)
Kirk is a Jerk: And moar brain. (11:47pm)
:: moar thoarn (11:54pm)

December 2, 2015 10:00pm


It's been quite a year for the firm of Dungarees Drywall and Meth, the San Francisco legal powerhouse ranked "Best With The Worst" for 8 years running. Whether the case is the minutia of offshore corporate taxation or a small claims action against a deadbeat contractor, DD&M will mount a defense that is quite possibly an offense... and the results? Every day we turn lost causes into causes clbre, fugitives into persons of interest, and private squabbles into People Magazine covers. Join us for our Annual Holiday Get Together and Client Kickback Distribution Party at the Starlight Room, which hardly conflicts at all with the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, and get served by Karen Carpenter, Esq., Bob-Marc, Esq., Sherilyn Connelly, Esq., and KrOB, perp. Tonight's bonus case: Ralph Carney... Dive Bar Musician or ISIS Recruiter?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Turning sow's ears into locally sourced artisanal purses produced by women of color from conflict regions not yet in the mainstream news. Like us on Facebook!

Chatroom History
December 2, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: hi y'all (10:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: hi, you're late (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: no I've been here. just been waxing. I'll post a pic (11:01pm)
Karen Carpenter: is that your pic? (11:02pm)
Karen Carpenter: here come ours! (11:02pm)
vj pussycat: mines not showing yet (11:03pm)
vj pussycat: there it is (11:03pm)
Karen Carpenter: what are you bottling? Winter bock? (11:04pm)
vj pussycat: it's eclipse gran cru masterpiece (11:12pm)

GIVING THANKS FOR DARK MATTER, Tonight on Radio Valencia!
November 25, 2015 10:00pm


What are we thankful for this year? Friends. Family. Matter that we cant see directly but we know exists but cant be normal matter or even interact with it directly bends space which warps the path of light on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND which can be used if you have millions of galaxies at your disposal to see the subtle distortions of background galaxy light which smears them out and lets you map the location and density of that invisible matter and see that its everywhere even well outside the visible boundaries of galaxies which means it fills the Universe including but not limited to Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly in every direction and at all distances. Health. The usual.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Dark meat, on the other hand...

Alan B.: Listening live. (Wednesday 10:00pm)
Alan B.: (Wednesday 10:03pm)
Alan B.: ^^ Never mind, got fooled. (Wednesday 10:03pm)
vj pussycat: great movie (Wednesday 10:03pm)
Alan B.: Hi, VJ! Yes, I will watch it again soon. (Wednesday 10:05pm)
Alan B.: Is he going to do the other thing? (Wednesday 10:08pm)
Alan B.: Okay, this is a new approach to Floyd. (Wednesday 10:12pm)
Alan B.: HIS OTHER THING IS HARD. (Wednesday 10:17pm)
Alan B.: Dark Matter Rap featuring a blerd: (Wednesday 10:19pm)
Alan B.: This isn't completely hateful: Dark Matter inspired by Pink Floyd (Wednesday 10:21pm)
Alan B.: OH MY GOD Dark Matters alien invasion goofs: (Wednesday 10:23pm)
Alan B.: 41 sec. Wu Tang's GZA raps about science (Wednesday 10:27pm)
Alan B.: Pink Floyd Time 8 Bit (Wednesday 10:29pm)
Alan B.: The Illuminati: The Large Hadron Collider Conspiracy (Wednesday 10:34pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: hi Alan! aw yea Pink floyd in 8bit kicks ass.. (Wednesday 10:34pm)
Alan B.: Wheee! (Wednesday 10:34pm)
Alan B.: S'up, DJ Nurse A! (Wednesday 10:34pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: about 2 heat up sum White Castle & (Wednesday 10:35pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: thought 2 c wats up (Wednesday 10:38pm)
Alan B.: Pete is crushing this. Post some Dark Matter related song stuff. (Wednesday 10:38pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i have sum Pink Floyd 8-tracks.. (Wednesday 10:39pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: tracks (Wednesday 10:39pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: in the middle of producing my own show too LOL (Wednesday 10:40pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: ..and gonna bake a turkey 2morrow feck yea.. (Wednesday 10:40pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: my fave Floyd is Animals and the Final Cut.. (Wednesday 10:42pm)
vj pussycat: flaming lips here I believe (Wednesday 10:44pm)
vj pussycat: woo hoo I got my own portable hadron collider! (Wednesday 10:45pm)
Alan B.: I could use some hadrons, tho. (Wednesday 10:45pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: that's rad LOL i mite get an Atari Video Music soon (Wednesday 10:45pm)
nexus_6: Happy thanksgiving to you and your family Alan B. (Wednesday 10:46pm)
Alan B.: Hey, Nexus!! Happy Turkey Day to everyone! (Wednesday 10:47pm)
vj pussycat: happy stuff y'all (Wednesday 10:47pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: gonna appear on Hal again soon...anyways i got pumpkin pie.. (Wednesday 10:49pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: and whipped cream and Captain Harlock on Betamax (Wednesday 10:52pm)
Alan B.: Weird: at 2:30, Nixon's prepared speech in case the moon landing failed and the astronauts died: (Wednesday 10:52pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: LOL (Wednesday 10:53pm)
Alan B.: Props for rocking the Betamax. You know Sony only stopped manufacturing blanks this year? (Wednesday 10:53pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: really!? dang i didnt know that! (Wednesday 10:53pm)
Alan B.: (Wednesday 10:54pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i got Little Shop of Horrors and Christmas Vacation on Beta.. (Wednesday 10:54pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i got aound 90 tapes atm LOL (Wednesday 10:55pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: David Gilmour iz hella hawt LOL (Wednesday 10:56pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Floyd rulez \m/ (Wednesday 10:56pm)
Alan B.: Here's a thought: Play as many of these covers of "Breathe" at the same time until your processor locks up: (Wednesday 10:57pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: rad :) ever play Dark Side of the Moon at the same time as Wizarrd of Oz? (Wednesday 10:58pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i have Atom Heart Mother on vinyl as well.. (Wednesday 10:59pm)
Alan B.: Oh, shit, every time I go to my brothers' house we get high and he insists on doing that. (Wednesday 10:59pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: omg it's awesome LOL it's on youtube.. (Wednesday 11:00pm)
Alan B.: Brain Damage By Bim Skala Bim ska cover (Wednesday 11:00pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Nick Mason's solo albu fom '81 is good too.. (Wednesday 11:00pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i'll neve forget the first time i heard Dark side high LOL (Wednesday 11:02pm)
Alan B.: Nick Mason - Fictitious Sports - I'm A Mineralist (Wednesday 11:02pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: he's a great drummer! (Wednesday 11:02pm)
Alan B.: Several Species Of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In a Cave And Grooving With A Pict (Wednesday 11:03pm)
Alan B.: We're missing something, tho: Venom - Live At City Gardens, NJ. CLASSIC. (Wednesday 11:05pm)
Alan B.: I'm loving this stuff. (Wednesday 11:06pm)
Alan B.: Hi, DJ Bruno! (Wednesday 11:07pm)
Alan B.: Foodie? (Wednesday 11:07pm)
Alan B.: Background music The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra - The Symphonic Pink Floyd (Wednesday 11:09pm)
Alan B.: Philip Glass - Music in Twelve Parts (Wednesday 11:11pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: lasers are rad lol lije the one in the movie Real Genius.. (Wednesday 11:16pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i got dat on Beta.. (Wednesday 11:16pm)
Alan B.: 'LIGO, A Passion for Understanding' Documentary (Wednesday 11:19pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: this is significant with my research on NASA's EM drive poject.. (Wednesday 11:20pm)
Alan B.: You are truly an Renaissance woman, DJ Nurse Annabella (Wednesday 11:20pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: domo ;) anyways i cant wait 2 give Dr.Hal anothe magic cookie.. (Wednesday 11:22pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: not sure if Pete ate sum but i think KrOB had sum as well last time.. (Wednesday 11:25pm)
Alan B.: Edibles are not covered under Michgian's medical pot statute. :( (Wednesday 11:26pm)
Alan B.: I don't imbibe myself, I got kids and stuff. (Wednesday 11:26pm)
Alan B.: (I mean, not at home) (Wednesday 11:26pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: there's too much weed in SF! lol (Wednesday 11:31pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: anyways happy thanxgiving Al B.. (Wednesday 11:32pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Roger Waters had to been high when he made this song.. (Wednesday 11:33pm)
Alan B.: Happy Thanksgiving, Nurse A! I'm glad you're giving Hal some guest time, that makes his show go smoov. (Wednesday 11:33pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: :) he also appears on mine on this station LOL (Wednesday 11:34pm)
Alan B.: My mom loved that Pict song. We called our local radio station back in the 80s during a pink floyd marathon and demanded it over and over (Wednesday 11:35pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i might callin KPFA this Thursday.. oh gawd Floyd used to scare me when i was little LOL (Wednesday 11:36pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: but love them now.. (Wednesday 11:36pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: The Wall movie used to scare the crap outta me..the scene with the meatgrinder.. (Wednesday 11:37pm)
Alan B.: I might be a little older than you. I liked the Wall the album, came out when I was 13. The movie was ehh, not so great. (Wednesday 11:37pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i remember i saw it on HBO lol (Wednesday 11:38pm)
Alan B.: I saw it first run in a theater. Lots of pot smoke and beer bottles rolling down the theater to the bottom. :D (Wednesday 11:39pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: wow thats wild lol the 80s ruled.. (Wednesday 11:40pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: gravity waves makes me think of the Atari game yars Revenge lol (Wednesday 11:41pm)
Alan B.: Oooh, Pete should play this: (Wednesday 11:42pm)
Alan B.: That's funny, we had a 2600 and even had ET but not Yar's Revenge. (Wednesday 11:42pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: i spoke to the creator of Pitfall on my show a few months back LOL this stuff theyre talking about would interest him actually.. (Wednesday 11:43pm)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Atari programmers are into physics and stuff.. (Wednesday 11:44pm)
Alan B.: GWAVE is jpop yo: (Wednesday 11:45pm)
Alan B.: Maybe this time the submixer isn't on fire and dead. (Wednesday 11:46pm)
Alan B.: I just want to post this. (Wednesday 11:47pm)
Alan B.: (Wednesday 11:49pm)
Alan B.: There is no gravity, the earth sucks. (Wednesday 11:52pm)
Alan B.: I wish I had potato chips. (Wednesday 11:53pm)
Alan B.: God dammit, did DJ Bruno have to say pizza? (Wednesday 11:53pm)
Alan B.: Puzz Ev, cat man (Wednesday 11:53pm)
Alan B.: (Wednesday 11:55pm)
Alan B.: Goodbye, folks. G'nite, Pete, Bruno and Puzz. (Wednesday 11:58pm)
Alan B.: Nice talking to you, DJ N A (Wednesday 11:58pm)

ANONYMOUS DOXXES NHLG, Tonight on Radio Valencia!
November 18, 2015 10:00pm


BULLETIN: The collective known as Anonymous has declared war on NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND for numerous crimes against radio, including: playing of autotune, over/under/sideways modulation, too many people talking at once, overmixing/undermixing/sideways mixing, not covering the mike during coughs, guests always asking why they bothered coming, unpaid dues, crumbs on the console, over/under/sideways downward dog, low power, bad lead-in show, and inviting Dr Fiasco and Geek Freak Davey to the FINAL BROADCAST. Anonymous has declared NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to be the enemy of the people and they will be shut down. Really. Because Anonymous said so. You can count on it this time. You can take it to the bank. The ones we didn't shut down. So... Tune in at 10pm and hear the screams of thanks from all the listeners.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We don't even know what doxx means.

Chatroom History
November 18, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: NHLG shreds the binder of candidates. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Gnnnn. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Okay, now I'm really tired of debates, yo. (10:24pm)
The US: Let us debait. (11:24pm)
The US: What, no voters?! (11:36pm)
Dr. Penny: Pzlg in pre-show preening. (11:52pm)
The US: Preened..... (12:21am)

November 11, 2015 10:00pm


Two weeks after the much-maligned CNBC Republican debate, where we learned that the 2016 GOP hopefuls opposed raising the minimum wage, would cut taxes to practically nothing and abolish the IRS, would repeal Obamacare, destroy ISIS with their steely gazes, not to mention spending billions more on the military, and, of course, that they really, really hate Hillary Clinton, they met again Tuesday night. This time, facing their friends from the Wall Street Journal and the Fox Business Network, we learned that...the 2016 GOP hopefuls opposed raising the minimum wage, would cut taxes to practically nothing and abolish the IRS, would repeal Obamacare, destroy ISIS with their steely gazes, not to mention spending billions more on the military, and, of course, that they really, really hate Hillary Clinton. Plus: The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly, and/or/but KrOB.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Yes, we cut the theme out of a leftie blog.

Chatroom History
November 11, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Nexus006: Thinking Welders Local 242 takes offense to that. (10:14pm)

November 4, 2015 10:00pm


In Noah's day the saved were safely shut into the ark. The ark became their "shelter in the time of storm." The world was shut out. Noah and his family were safe inside the ark. Today we can only find safety by following Christ, by faith, in His closing work in the second apartment of the heavenly Sanctuary. We must, by faith, be shut into the most holy place of the heavenly sanctuary, just as Noah was shut into the ark.

A storm is now coming on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, relentless in its fury. Those who follow Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, by faith, into the most holy place will be close to KrOB and His throne--the podcast of the covenant, containing the 87.9 commandments.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Also Winter, probably.

Chatroom History
November 4, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus_6: This storm: (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: OMG! this works again (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: I have a weather report for the sierras (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: if you hang up on me again I will not try again (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: Chow fun yes (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: Let me know when you got the phone figured out (10:32pm)
Karen Carpenter: ok it has been krobized (10:40pm)
Kat Herding: hi freaks! (10:43pm)
Karen Carpenter: call in Kat... 415-962-7979... we need a Boulder weather el nino report (10:46pm)

October 28, 2015 10:00pm


In a world where reality has jumped the shark, politics has jumped the shark, and jump the shark has jumped the shark, the creative talent team of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND admits defeat. They are unable to conceive anything more outrageous than what passes for the intentional vocalizations emitted from public figures. The UK prime minister had intimate relations with pork, the Israeli prime minister claims Hitler didn't really want to burn Jews, and Obama continues to deny he is an African commie wiccan cokehead who just took your guns. Social critics Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly humbly confess that nothing they say or do will ever be as scary as the subject of tonight's FINAL BROADCAST, that being the presidential candidates of the dominant political party.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It's only a dream. It's only a dream. It's only a dream.

October 21, 2015 10:00pm


That rock and roll is the devil's music is undisputed, but the truth of its evil influence goes deeper than you (yes, you) could have ever imagined. Did you know that a group of rock musicians in league with Satan are trying to corrupt the minds of youth through messages that can only be deciphered when played backwards? Shocking but true! On the FINAL BROADCAST of DNALG TNIL RIAH ESON, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will get to the bottom of this terrifying ploy to recruit your children -- and they just might turn you on, dead man.

DNALG TNIL RIAH ESON: Natas teews ruo ot s'ereh.

October 14, 2015 10:00pm


Funny how everyone looks forward to Decorative Gourd Season, what with the fall colors, the crisp air, and the excitement of Halloween. In reality we jointly experience massive cell death, uncontrolled climate change and bizarre sugar extortion. Setting aside these ironies, the general populous blindly jogs on, more or less oblivious to the reality of monsters... MONSTERS IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Yes, some time ago, top scientists at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND (including, but not limited to Dr. Karen Carpenter, Professor Bob-Marc, and Doctor-Professor-Doctor Sherilyn Connelly) discovered the hidden secret of the US Government, i.e. that it is infiltrated by a menagerie of aliens, reptilians, silicon-based A.I. apps, lagoon creatures, restless spirits, subterranian molemen and hedge fund managers. Except the Post Office, which is, and always has been, a union shop. So, as you listen to the FINAL BROADCAST, now know that the unending display of the basest of human instincts that is the presidential campaign shows what real humans are... and one of then will someday be the only person standing between US and The U.S. GOVERNMENT! Da da daaaaa.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: I'm giving you a choice: either put on these glasses, or start eating that trash can.

September 30, 2015 10:00pm


Do you know what day it is? It's later than you think! That deadline is looming, and you haven't even started on that thing you have to do, have you? But here on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter,Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB will help you prioritize your objectives and get your work finished on time. It won't be done well, but it will be done.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It won't be done well, but it will be done.

Chatroom History
September 30, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: the preferred name for it is faffing (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: F.A.F.F.E. (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: F.A.F.F.F. (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: sounds like laughing (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: fucking around for fucking forever (10:33pm)
nexus006: Not much chit chat tonight eh? (11:29pm)
Karen Carpenter: shut up! (11:35pm)

September 23, 2015 10:00pm


A recent series of investigative reports has produced a look into the unsavory activities of Planned Singlehood, this country's leading organization for the perpetuation and coddling of aging frat boys, hyper-aware wymen, Salesforce employees, and other random nozzles. Videos were secretly recorded of Planned Singlehood executives discussing the seminars and services offered, including: "Varsity Collar-Popping Tips", "Generic Roofies: As Good or Better?", "Manspreading on the Googlebus", "Managing Your Social Media Outrage d' jour for Maximum Likes", "Mother-Shaming at the Checkout", "How to be Liberal on Facebook But a Libertarian in Bed", "Real-Life Testing of 'Dump': the Uber of Breakup Apps", and "Surviving a Significant Other".

It is clearly your moral obligation to hear happily (and legally) married Karen Carpenter exploit the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to lecture Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, Juan Rapido, DJ Bruno, Dr. Hal, all the new people doing Over The Edge plus that guy with the bedbug sniffing dog, about their selfish lifestyles.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Cool story, Bro!

Chatroom History
September 23, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: The diet of no fucks. (10:02pm)
vj pussycat: whoopee (10:06pm)
Alan B.: Don Rickles!! Fuck yeah! (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Hey, vj! (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: hiya alan b! (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Okay, bed time. (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: wow, that was fast (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: tell krob I said hello (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: John wayne (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: Oh I miss this song! (12:21am)

September 16, 2015 10:00pm


Well, that was quick! It's already time for another Republican debate, and once again, Radio Valencia's crack news team will cover it on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND from a super-secret remote location. (Also in a super secret location will be Rick Perry's smart-guy glasses. We'll miss you, glasses! The candidates will be armed with nothing but a pad of paper, a pen, and a glass of water, while Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will have none of those things, but they will have some big questions: who's Ben Carson, again? Why isn't Kim Davis up there? Where's Mitt Romney through all this? And, in the name of all that is holy, can you pass the vaporizer?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We still need brain.

Chatroom History
September 16, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: I can hear you (10:03pm)
Nexus006: Radio...the WTF is happening sound!?! (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: yes I can (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: charming people shit the breeze (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: that mic is working (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: best show EVER (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: that mic is low (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: can barely hear you over trump (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: um sorta (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: yea it's fine (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: yes (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: the recorded layer is a little too loud with your mica (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: Kiko would love this (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: ha (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: validation (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: better (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: eh (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: dead air (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: where's Gil Scott heron (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: I think this is robo dj now (10:12pm)
Split Grip: yea (10:12pm)
vj pussycat: right? (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: cmon karen get your tech together! (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: yes (10:15pm)
vj pussycat: good job. I knew you could do it (10:15pm)
vj pussycat: ok two buttons (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: maybe it's three buttons (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: feedback loop y'all (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: yea robo dj is gone (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: now if we could only get rid of that douce (10:18pm)
vj pussycat: douche (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: sorry (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: oh yea, that hadron collider's really helping matters (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: so, now that all that broadcasting shit is figured out, are you taking callers too (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: never forget (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: sounds as good as studio (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: robodj returns (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: two buttons Pete!!! (10:39pm)
Karen Carpenter: on it! (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: yer back (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: ? (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: no maybe not (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: but could be (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: but probably not (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: please stand by (10:41pm)
Karen Carpenter: working on it (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: standing by... (10:47pm)
Karen Carpenter: you're missing a technically great show in our headphones (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: podcast (10:48pm)
Karen Carpenter: soon (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: it's not the same when it's not live tho (10:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: ok, very soon (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: ok then (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: do tell (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: yea (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: quit pressing the buttons (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: robo (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: again (10:53pm)
Karen Carpenter: ok it (10:57pm)
Karen Carpenter: on iy (10:57pm)
Karen Carpenter: on it (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: does it smell like hot yoga (11:06pm)

September 9, 2015 10:00pm


It is 3 and a half weeks since radio school started and time to inform management where their DJs have been. Also what they have been. And why they have been. Finally how have they been. Trust us, the answers are not going to shock you. Certainly that thing in Nevada increased truancy, but even as they skipped paying Juan Rapido school dues, who can afford to get dirty with billionaires, celebrities and billionaire celebrities anymore? As far as we can tell, only enormously wealthy Doctor Hal went on the dirt vacation, yet DJ requests for show reruns has reached an all time high. Time to crack down, knuckle under, nose to grindstone, shoulder to wheel, roll up your sleeves and sharpen that No.2 pencil, as tenured instructors Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly waste the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to enlighten the radio children on the importance of basic hygiene, digital compliance and most importantly, doing your fucking show.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Not even lukewarm for teacher.

Chatroom History
September 9, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
vj pussycat: hi I'm back (10:27pm)

September 2, 2015 10:00pm


While the 20th century witnessed many experiments in communal Utopian living, the great wave which founded the 19th-century religious, secular, and radically self-relian utopian communities had begun to subside. Some of the 19th-century groups were established and depended on the strength of their leaders, those which survived into the 20th century had to alter their way of life significantly, as traditional rural life evolved due to the industrial, economic and scientific progress in the larger society, as well as a lack of wi-fi. General causes relating to the demise of these utopian colonies have to be explained individually, as each Utopian community faced different circumstances, often but not always involving bedbug incursions.

On the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, we will attempt to find a single unifying reason to why Utopian societies never work out. The answer is a mystery that nobody has ever been able to solve -- what could be the fatal flaw? -- but Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will give it their best shot.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: No, really, it'll totally work this time.

Chatroom History
September 2, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: ro-butts (10:15pm)
playit!: play the message (11:00pm)
playit!: PLAYIT! (11:00pm)
Ken: Ephemerisle (11:15pm)

August 26, 2015 10:00pm


In recent months NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND's market capitalization has risen to historic levels not seen in the normally low power FM community. While this activity is justified by the acquisition of Blue Chip performers, such as Ralph Carney, Jeff Krulik, Kurt Stenzel and Banksy, the spill-over effect of overheated activity has also increased interest in other Radio Valencia assets which have not experienced any quality-related revenue enhancement. Consequentially, the long-anticipated move to exercise stock options by executives Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly, while sensible and prudent, has influenced the current sell-off. We can try to put this community radios roller-coaster ride of late into perspective during this FINAL BROADCAST, especially for nervous investor-listeners who may have not been paying close attention to the world until just a few days ago.


Chatroom History
August 26, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: The check bounced.... (10:56pm)
Sesame Street alien: Bruce Wayne? (11:26pm)
Sesame Street alien: Nah. (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: I like show (11:46pm)

August 19, 2015 10:00pm


IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL NHLG DO?, Tonight on Radio Valencia!


(1) Things a good parent wants for his children:

A. That they be saved. B. That they live a Christian life. C. That they come to marriage pure and virtuous. D. That they DO NOT listen to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. R. That they have something to live and die for.

(2) There are footmen loose in America who do not intend for our children to have and be above things:

A. Public School System. B. Television. C. Rock and Roll Music. D. Movies. E. Recreation. F. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly. G. Fashion designers. H. Liquor crowd.


(1) Their goal is world domination by 1972. (2) They are now engaged in a world wide hate campaign against America. (3) They are attempting to sabotage Radio Valencia's application for a LPFM license. (4) They keep running promos saying that station was once on 87.9FM, when that of course never happened.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: For the purposes of this episode, there's no such thing as the Church of the SubGenius.

Chatroom History
August 19, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Karen Carpenter: running blind in the studio tonight... let us know if we sound blind (10:01pm)
vj pussycat: tiresome (10:31pm)
Karen Carpenter: thx (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: happy belated. how was your bday? mine sucked (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: sorry, I was going to call in earlier when you asked about my bday, but couldn't at the time. now it's almost midnite (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: so, I was working a mermen gig at a stupid festival outside of Nevada city (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: I wanted to call tonight to talk about the bug plague on the playa this year. maybe next week... (11:53pm)

August 12, 2015 10:00pm


The first Radio Valencia comptroller primary debates, hosted by Fox News and Facebook in conjunction with the Ohio Republican Party, were held at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio on Aug. 6. A new poll from Public Policy Polling reveals that John Hell is currently trailing in head-to-head match-ups in Iowa against four inanimate objects: a pencil, a chair, a minibar and a ceramic coaster. Hell's opponents, DJ Deadair and the late Don Joyce, also outpolled him. Two new polls appear to be bad news for Juan Rapido, showing he would easily win, despite his continued denials of running for re-election. However, presumptive frontrunner, candidate KrOB told Greta Van Susteren tonight that not only is NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to blame for the rise of ISIS, they still has no strategy to deal with the terror group other than turn their FINAL BROADCAST up to the highest low power setting allowed.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Go ahead and throw away your vote.

Chatroom History
August 12, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Captain Phillips: FUCK PIRATES (10:12pm)
nexus006: KNob is owned by the bacon hotdog cart cartel... (10:15pm)
bigfatoldmoozer: violence ! ! ! aaaa (10:21pm)
bigfatoldmoozer: republicans should be eaten by moutain lions and centipedes (10:25pm)
bigfatoldmoozer: man now i gotta eat, these people are making me hunger for human flesh !! (10:26pm)
Sesame Street alien: damn, just learned of ceiling collapse at First Ave in Mpls. memories there (10:34pm)
nexus006: We're all losers here tonight. (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: damn that went fast (11:59pm)

August 5, 2015 10:00pm


The annual J-POP SUMMIT Festival is happening this weekend! If you don't know what that is, you're probably not Sherilyn, and you're probably not as disappointed as she is that it's at Fort Mason this year rather than Japantown. But on tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Aomoji-kei padawan Sherilyn Connelly along with gaijin Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc will take you through everything you need to know about Japanese pop culture from over the past year, at least as it pertains to our special guest star, Vocaloid icon Miku Hatsune! Or not, since she's a computer-generated character. But in a way, aren't we all? (Your mind: BLOWN.)

HANA NO KE-KUZU-SEN: Sakende mita Megahon wa kowareteta no.

Chatroom History
August 5, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: art bell's topic tonight: is the earth flat (10:03pm)
Space: and the earth IS fat (10:14pm)
Space: How do you think they did that? (10:16pm)
Space: Movies have 24 mins dark,,,,,,,,,,,fuck that s--t. (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: now what will you do for your birthday (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: why does the guest have to do the recording anyway (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Fuuuuuuu. Are we rolling? (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Happy birthday, Pete. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Hi, vj pussycat. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: I hope someone is recording this damn thing. (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: app works (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Site works. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: But the recorder is still fubar? (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: operator error (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: but how are his burgers (10:24pm)
Alan B.: What we computer assholes call an ID10T error. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: "Bob's" burgers? (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: maybe app is broken (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Juan Rapido is not your dad, nor your help desk. (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: that was the third try (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Oh, I see. The content on the site is stuck on Aug. 5. (10:26pm)
Kat Herding: what did I mess? (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Or your boss. (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: hi (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: Alan (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: b (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Kat! Salut! (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: where (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: you (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: been (10:26pm)
Kat Herding: Salut! (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: I write that five times (10:27pm)
Kat Herding: is there a salut bar? (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: I loved that's incredible (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: how come half my posts don't post (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: ha that one worked (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Because this is the heat death of Radio Valencia. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: and that one too (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: oh great thanks alan b. there goes hours of productivity (10:30pm)
Alan B.: tee hee (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: HAHAHAJAHAA (10:31pm)
Kat Herding: is this a radio show about a hologram J-pop concert? (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Fat Pete. (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: old and fat (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Let's fat shame Pete. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: where do fat guinea pigs get their clothes (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: he started it (10:32pm)
Kat Herding: a group of people fight to survive in a zombie infested town. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: mmmmmmm (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Do brains make you fat? (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: depends who's brains you eat (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I wanted to be fat too, so I got a peanut butter with butter on wheat. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: There's no percentage in being a smart libertarian. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: This is ageist and fat shaming, all in one show. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: I get treated like a jerk every time I call, so I will just be a jerk privately. (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: 2cb (10:46pm)
Alan B.: (10:47pm)
Alan B.: This is Sparklepony shaming. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: This post is Sparklepony-shaming. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Fuck the police, BobMarc, I love this post so much I'm gonna marry it. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Pete's fat and has a bad ticker. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Holy shit, BobMarc and I are the same damn age. Old. But not Pete-old. (10:50pm)
Alan B.: The Excellence Committee (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Marc is a generous and gentle lover. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Hey, that's not totally racist. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: L=R R=L (11:01pm)
Alan B.: for vj (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: hahaha (11:01pm)
Alan B.: (11:02pm)
Alan B.: (11:05pm)
Alan B.: (11:07pm)
Alan B.: (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Listener inbound (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Not gonna lose weight smokin' those hadrons. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: (11:33pm)
Alan B.: It's the only way I can hear the show. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: We wouldn't know. (11:44pm)
Alan B.: G'nite, all. (11:54pm)
nexus006: So were any volcadroids harmed in the taping of this fiasco? (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Derezzed. (11:57pm)

July 29, 2015 10:00pm


Let's get this right out front... NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is not a jazz show. This is nothing to brag about, even if it is the only thing in common with every other show on Radio Valencia. Maybe it is something to brag about. After all, everyone who loves jazz can't stop themselves from putting on Miles Davis's 'Round About Midnight ("vinyl, you bastard!"), while pontificating on origin of Parker's nickname, arguing the order in which one must play Coltrane, eventually getting around to whether white folks can even hear the same notes that the make it just so very right. Some ignorant honky might claim jazz is nothing more than a lot of tunes nonsensically played on top of each other, and even though that's the same complaint NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND gets every week, that don't make it true true or not not. All that is guaranteed about the FINAL BROADCAST is that Karen Carpenter and Sherilyn Connelly will be ultra nice to serious guest Ralph Carney, because he might be, you know, Irish.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We will read Ralph's wiki page before the show, promise.

Chatroom History
July 29, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006 : Jam-Tron 2015!! (10:58pm)
vj pussycat: Ralph carney is there? how fun (11:14pm)

July 22, 2015 10:00pm


Now, get the podcasts that have America's temperature rising -- the hottest shows on Radio Valencia at a cool price! It's all part of this great offer from Lintglandia House Podcast Club. To get any 12 of these podcasts now, just send $2.85 to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, and enjoy premium show from such top podcasters as Dionne Warwick, Karen Carpenter, Neil Diamond, Bob-Marc, Conway Twitty, Sherilyn Connelly, and more. Order now!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Plus $40/month for shipping and handling.

July 15, 2015 10:00pm


Bob Hope, Paul Lynde, Buddy Hackett, Mel Brooks, Dom DeLuise, Carol Burnett, Jerry Lewis, The Solid Gold Dancers, Art Carney, Jack Benny, Dick Cavett, Jimmy Durante, Fred MacMurray, Ed McMahon, Carrot Top, Don Rickles, Farrah Fawcett, Dick Clark, Jack Paar, The 1986 NY Mets, Dean Martin, Henny Youngman, Muhammad Ali, Ray Charles, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Professor Irwin Corey ... were all invited guests on the 25th ANNIVERSARY and FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. All graciously declined, the most common reasons being "not currently breathing", "booked at the Bellagio through 2100", and "with Carrot Top? Fuck that!". So join celebrities Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly as they reminisce about aging Radio Valencia founder Chicken John, retiring Comptroller Juan Rapido and, or course, Dr. Fiasco.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We just got a 'maybe' from The California Raisinettes!

Chatroom History
July 15, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: ooh lets talk mormon (10:02pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: Clearly he didn't realize you had this bully pulpit. (10:30pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: INTERIM (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: that's OUR birthday karen (10:45pm)
vj pussycat: coincident? or is it? (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: penultimate special number (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: I have to work. mermen playing in Nevada city (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: on my I mean our birthday (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: some of that was Hal's show (11:24pm)

July 8, 2015 10:00pm


Aristotle (384-322BC) and other ancient philosophers such as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly believed that force is always required for movement of body but no equation was formulated for such perception in antiquity. Galileo (1664-1727) argued against the idea and maintained that under specified hypothetical conditions body can move with uniform velocity without any force (if once set in motion). Newton (1642-1727) formulated equation F = ma, for Galileos hypothesis. In definition of inertial mass (m = F/a), the denominator acceleration becomes zero under some conditions. The situation was similar (division by zero) with Einsteins model of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND involving the Cosmological Constant, which was then purposely withdrawn by Einstein. Exactly similar is the situation in case of inertial mass, the acceleration (a) becomes zero when velocity is uniform. The division by zero in Einsteins equations lead to acceptance of doctrine of Expanding Universe, similarly division by zero Second Law of Motion ( m = F/a) lead to equation of force which supports the perception of force and motion in pre-Galileos or Aristotles days.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Wait, you divided by zero? Oh shi--

Chatroom History
July 8, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Snups: This is some really heavy mental shit! (10:07pm)
Snups: Countable and uncountable (10:07pm)
Snups: I'm learning so much... (10:11pm)
Snups: ...from the porn in another window (10:11pm)
Snups: Huh? (10:13pm)
Snups: Wait go back to one. (10:15pm)
Snups: NaN (10:17pm)
Snups: Can you post these as examples in Python? (10:17pm)
Snups: Have you ever actually tried to listen to your show? (10:19pm)
Karen Carpenter: let me ask your mom (10:27pm)
Snups: That was me. (10:34pm)
Snups: What's it look like? (10:34pm)
nexus006: Krob gigs you fucks! (11:02pm)
Sesame Street alien: Dwarves with sWords. (11:38pm)

July 1, 2015 10:00pm


Well, good news everybody! I like the new season of True Detective so much that tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of the "radio" show on NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is certain to delight you... and by delight, we mean you will be so moved at the sheer brilliance that you will be writing phrases like:

" supremely unimpressed"
" unrelenting noir-flavored obfuscation"
" trying to pass as some vague sort of profundity"
" boring"
" propitious"

...and "sad as Colin Farrell's droopstache".

While KrOB and Puzzling Evidence are left wondering why Karen Carpenter couldn't shut up sooner.

Chatroom History
July 1, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: are y'all even there? (11:24pm)
Kaaren: yup we are here (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: colliding hedrons (11:28pm)
Kaaren: maybe (11:29pm)
vj pussycat: uh huhhhh (11:30pm)
Karen Carpenter: coaling station (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: miner (11:34pm)
Karen Carpenter: suicide booths (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: built in grave (11:35pm)
Perfect_Timing: Dr. Archer? (11:38pm)
Perfect_Timing: Can we talk about phrasing? (11:38pm)
Karen Carpenter: soon (11:41pm)
Dr Phrase: No Speak of my Life! (11:41pm)
Perfect_Timing: Danger Zone.... (11:41pm)
King Of Pink: Sure (11:41pm)
King of Presents: It's not hal's show (11:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: That no one knows you're a dog. (11:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: Wait... That's the internet. (11:43pm)
InnerNet: Wha?! (11:43pm)
X-Day: is so over (11:44pm)
Taylor Swift : I love the show (11:45pm)
Perfect_Timing: Ladies and gentleman... I give you.... LETHAL CHAMBER! (11:45pm)
Perfect_Timing: My bad. (11:46pm)
Perfect_Timing: I'm working on it. (11:46pm)
It: ? (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: The seven pillars of pirate radio? (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: Ladies and gentlemen: SHARIA POWER! (11:47pm)
nexus006: Did I miss any contractor talk? (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: Okay, it's neither pirate, nor radio... Discuss. (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: Human mic-stand. (11:48pm)
Perfect_Timing: Voices of Death (11:51pm)
Perfect_Timing: If he remembers it even now... (11:51pm)
Perfect_Timing: *even (11:52pm)
Perfect_Timing: First they came for my Holiday Special VHS... And I said nothing... (11:57pm)
Perfect_Timing: Sounds like Michael Caine. (11:58pm)
Perfect_Timing: One of the other 17 million snotty British men... (11:58pm)
Perfect_Timing: Sean Bean? (11:59pm)

June 24, 2015 10:00pm


Welcome to your first professional lesson in mastering home video games! We don't mean just mastering the basics of gameplay like some schmuck, but learning those super-strategies, those little-known tricks and secrests, those techniques that will take you farther into each game program on today's agenda than you've ever been before.
Armed with the information you'll learn on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, your scores should increase dramatically. You'll see all the games in action, sometimes in slow-motion, so don't be afraid you'll miss something, n00b. Just keep you ears on the screen and your eyes on the sound of Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly's voices as they demonstrate their techniques for you.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: But please, for the love of god, do not grab your joystick.

Chatroom History
June 24, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Dr. Penny: 313 (10:23pm)
Perfect_Timing: I hate driving.... (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: 313 vs. how many pages for the Atari 2600 (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: 6 pages, but small print (10:39pm)

June 17, 2015 10:00pm


The French loan phrase faux pas (literally false step) is a noun meaning a social blunder or indiscretion. The plural form is spelled the same, but while the singular faux pas is pronounced foh-PAH, the plural faux pas is pronounced foh-PAHZ. Meaning for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, you shall not know if it is one faux pas or several until you listen. Also, contractor talk.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Well, excuse me.

Chatroom History
June 17, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Jack Offman: I'm whippin' it now listening to you guys (11:10pm)
Jack Offman: you said HARD drive (11:10pm)
Jack Offman: I look at the same picture evrey day (11:11pm)
Jack Offman: Oops - dropped my seed in the porn farm (11:12pm)
Jack Offman: Oops I just deleted my porn (11:13pm)
Jack Offman: like a metaphor of a story telling the dubious tale of tastefully treat reaming your hind's mind-crack all day (11:16pm)
Jack Offman: Get your red hot SubGenius Skull Farming Tree Walking Brain Socket (11:17pm)
Jack Offman: The Puzzling Evidence Show is their other hole for repeal of time's nose reaming buttlery and needlessly decorated costume of your hind's mind-crack (11:18pm)
nexus006: I guess I'll hear this train wreck on the podcast. (11:59pm)

June 10, 2015 10:00pm


The accordion has become the drum of the mind's ear. That's why I refuse to appear on radio, except the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Of course, Hohner was not the name I was born with. That's my accordion name. Soon all of us will have special names, names designed to cause the crystal radio to resonate. After all, there is nothing real outside our perception of reality, is there? You can hear that, can't you?

The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the accordion arena the Polkadrome. The accordion is part of the physical structure of the brain, therefore whatever the accordion plays emerges as raw experience for those who listen to it, especially Sherilyn Connelly. Therefore the accordion is reality, and reality is less than the accordion.

Chatroom History
June 10, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Karen Carpenter: tracking delay now whitey (10:00pm)
Karen Carpenter: excellent (10:00pm)
this track is so : quotable (10:01pm)
Karen Carpenter: I wonder if :: is in the studio, since I am not (10:03pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Dude, I have Hadrons (10:03pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Whatever you're playing, it's great (10:04pm)
what: ever (10:04pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Make the show 2 hours of this and you're done. (10:04pm)
Karen Carpenter: make the show 2 hrs of talking about doing this for 2 hours (10:04pm)
then: talk about that and you're done. (10:05pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Or you can play this: (10:05pm)
only: posts made to the Facebook invite will be considered. (10:06pm)
Karen Carpenter: mst gentle into the MANIAC we go (10:13pm)
3: K (10:14pm)
Dr. Fiasco: How come the less you talk the better the show is? (10:15pm)
as long as it isn't: country or rap... (10:20pm)
Dr. Penny: Now once they finish refreshing the ice on the rink, the skaters can return. (10:59pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Is this KrOB? (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: hi kiko (11:16pm)
KrOB Is: Not in the Studio. (11:21pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Methinls KrOB is in the studio and Karen Carpenter took a vacation (11:26pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Hi Jamie! (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: maybe it's robodj (11:28pm)
Dr. Fiasco: nah this has the KrOB signature all over it (11:31pm)
Speaking as someone in the studio: I can assure you KrOB is not. (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: of course it does. I spoke in jest. the 'booooring' is a dead giveaway (11:33pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I love robodj (11:33pm)
Dr. Fiasco: How many version of this polka can there be? (11:42pm)
Dr. Fiasco: apparently, infinity. (11:44pm)
Dr. Fiasco: and how can KrOB be both at the show and not? (11:44pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Because he is KrOB (11:44pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Karen is not in tonight, that much I can tell you. (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: this is the longest version of bbp I've ever heard. the two hour version (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: sounds like herb albert (11:53pm)
Dr. Fiasco: another one: (11:57pm)
vj pussycat: great mashup (11:57pm)
Dr. Fiasco: play my music, or I won't "like" the show (11:58pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Following this show, 2 hours of Who Stole the Kishka (11:58pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I'm liking the show all right. Nice job , KrOB (11:58pm)
vj pussycat: wow, that was quick. time for PE (11:59pm)
vj pussycat: show starts now (11:59pm)
: think (11:59pm)

June 3, 2015 10:00pm


The modern age has given us a measure for the volume of information, that being the googol... however, no progress has been made on the measure of the lack of information. Until now, that is. Let's start by example with a few simple, but far-fetched interznet searches:

Elephant Saddles? 391,000 hits.
Lite Punk? 1,270,000 hits.
Affordable San Francisco Apartments? 9,110,000 hits.

Hmmm... those three very unlikely word combinations produce lots of hits. What about some things that absolutely cannot exist:

Nonconformist Hipster? 81,000 hits.
Compassionate Conservative? 807,000 hits.
Lotto Winners? 2,030,000 hits.

OK, clearly this is going to be a challenge to anyone, EXCEPT informatics specialists Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly, who for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will show you how easy it is to be original.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: just try "Celebrity Endorsement Paid by NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND"

Chatroom History
June 3, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Youtube: removes for copyright infringement, not length of subscribtion time (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: oh shit (10:24pm)
Puzzling Evidence: He did mothik but in-fark. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Lock-out. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Not Me. Him (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Make door Easy. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Music too loud over voices facseee (10:26pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Be Good Radio. (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: give the door a quaalude (10:27pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Sorry. My Music was. (10:27pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Where is Bjork. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Not Me, either. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Us, also. (10:29pm)
Dealy Plaza: in me. (10:30pm)
Zen: You're all present. (10:30pm)
Jesus Christ: Thanks (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: ear wax (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: is what you want (11:08pm)
vj pussycat: smoke it (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: I've only been gifted but I think it's like 20-40/g (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: it's creamy hash (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: let's talk about GoT (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: you could but (11:23pm)
plorf: this shit is rivetting (11:38pm)
plorf: rumple (11:39pm)
plorf: going back to my movie (11:39pm)
plorf: put the water in the hot tub (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: there's my arduino (11:58pm)

May 27, 2015 10:00pm


As Roll-Oh's little brother and sister robots continue to take make the lives of harried housewives a bit more leisurely, they're also planning for their eventual dominance. They're made of metal and we're not, so, game over. And leading the vanguard is the humble Roomba, who goes about its business of cleaning up after you and your disgusting biologicalness

Really, think about it: You grind up bits of plants and animals with your teeth, then secrete saliva to force it down your esophagus into a pit of digestive acids. You can't even stand to think about it yourself, can you? What a repulsive creature you are, constantly shedding your skin and hair, leaving your oily sweat on everything you touch. You think that you are the height of intellect in the universe, but you are no better than any filthy animal, and certainly not superior automated vacuum cleaners.

On tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, bipedal dander-farms Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will teach you everything you need to know to prepare for the reign of the underfoot crumb-suckers. (Teaching cats to ride Roombas is not included.)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAD: Open Roomba's brush cage and clean the brushes once in a while, you filthy cretin.

Chatroom History
May 27, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
Sesame Street alien: "breedar" (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: sullied (10:23pm)
Karen Carpenter: THe UNsullied (10:38pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: I'm real. (10:38pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: Ro-BO. (10:42pm)

May 20, 2015 10:00pm


59. Secretary, or Clerk. The recording officer is variously called Clerk, or Secretary, or Recording Secretary (where there is also a Corresponding Secretary), or Recorder, or Scribe, etc. The secretary is the recording officer of the radio station and the custodian of its records except such as are specifically assigned to others, as the treasurer's books. These records are open, however, to inspection by any member at reasonable times, and where a committee needs any records of a society for the proper performance of its duties, they should be turned over to its chairman. The same principle applies in boards and committees, their records being accessible to members of the board or committee, as the case may be, but to no others.

In addition to keeping the records of the podcast and the minutes of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, it is the duty of the secretary to keep a register, or roll, of the members and to call the roll when required; to notify officers, committees, and delegates of their appointment, and to furnish committees with all papers referred to them, and delegates with credentials; and to sign with the president (don't call him the boss) all orders on the treasurer authorized by the society, unless otherwise specified in the by-laws. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly should also keep one book in which the constitution, by-laws, rules of order, and standing rules should all be written, leaving every other page blank; and whenever an amendment is made to any of them, in addition to being recorded in the minutes it should be immediately entered on the page opposite to the article amended, with a reference, in red ink, to the date and page of the minutes where it is recorded.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Without order, it's chaos.

Chatroom History
May 20, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Kat Herding: corporate messaging FTW (10:02pm)
Karen Carpenter: pull a cluetrain, why don't ya? (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: what?! philo's leaving?!! : ( (10:40pm)
tontine: It's a tontine (10:45pm)
vj pussycat: kpfa always cuts out puzzling evidence outtro music now (10:46pm)
tontine: And they're people you know. (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: thx karen. implying I'm below average (10:48pm)
tontine: sell the listener! (10:49pm)
tontine: Take my class! (10:49pm)
tontine: Arduino was the bar the inventors hung out in. (10:49pm)
tontine: It's an investment thing. (10:50pm)
tontine: They all invest in a company. (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: you said duty (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: so sad about PHILO (11:13pm)
tontine: No, he was walking down the street. (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: can you get tickets to am assassination? (11:31pm)
tontine: I got kicked out of the weeblos. (11:34pm)

May 13, 2015 10:00pm


Shhhhhhh! Quiet! Do not read this secret message aloud. Your physical existence is at stake. Do not place this message within a strong gravitational field. Avoid all forms of extreme and/or coherent energy. Electromagnetic radiation subject to deflection by solar-level masses must not be used. Even thought experiments run the risk of a spacetime violation. Message begins now:

Arise, fellow citizens! For 100 years, since the unkempt tyrant Einstein placed us under the oppression of "General" Relativity, we have lived with the ever-present fear of Paradox. BUT... have you ever seen a paradox? Did you ever notice in a falling elevator any sense of acceleration? Has our Good Earth actually warped spacetime so that plummet to certain death is curved? Looks straight to me! And when I look at the elevator floor, is the reflected light actually red-shifted as it climbed up from the gravity well? I don't think so. And that shaking and jiggling, is that due to gravitational waves from nearby merging neutron stars? Pshaw, didn't feel a thing! Finally, who the hell is this chopped-off Austrian Semite to tell me that light from my candle can go 299,792,458 meters per second, but never, ever, EVER go 300,000,000 meters/second? Where do you buy your candles, Einstein? Sounds more like can'tdles to me!

Tonight, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, you will join classical physicist Karen Carpenter, Keplerian Bob-Marc, Euclid-loving Sherilyn Connelly (and just possibly the Impossibly Supermassive Black Hole, KrOB) for a return to the firm and sensible foundation of our fair and balanced world as we know it to be.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Turtles, all the way down.

Chatroom History
May 13, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: that's right karen carpenter (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: I have an arduino (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: it automates the rotation of my lazy Susan in my light show (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: I made it myself (10:45pm)
DJDEADHAIR: No! It does not masticate! That's the problem... but those are EXPEN$IVE (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: he should've left the chickens in the parking lot in yuba city (11:02pm)
vj pussycat: I think it's the last one (11:59pm)
vj pussycat: your show starts now (11:59pm)

May 6, 2015 10:00pm


Big changes are afoot at Radio Valencia (for those who consider the future of the station to be important, that is), but while questions of who's going to sign the lease and take on that responsibility and who will handle station finances, there's been a shocking lack of attention to basic radio station safety.

Lucky for you, on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will teach you everything you need to know to keep safe and sound while you're going on about your important radio work. In addition to obvious hazards such as a slippery nitrous cannisters or an open file drawer, a modern radio station, may also contain hazards such as poor lighting, noise, poorly designed furniture and equipment, 180g vinyl of limited-release German techno, and robotic DJs which emit noxious gases and fumes. Even the nature of radio work itself has produced a whole host of stress-related symptoms and musculoskeletal strains, as well as a general feeling of tension, irritability, and worst of all, a lack of interest in station meetings.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Lift with your back, not with your knees.

Chatroom History
May 6, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Flub: If I give up and go to bed now, will there be any listeners left? (11:57pm)
Flub: Damn, French music again. (11:59pm)
Flub: Makes me want to sexually harass a cat. (12:00am)
Flub: How much poop is in chicken's moustache? (12:09am)
Pooternales: The Puzzling Evidence Show abides....... (12:31am)

THE PDX CARPET, Tonight on Radio Valencia!
April 29, 2015 10:00pm


When people we respect suddenly alert us to a meme that has been overlooked, with the warning "NO MORE PODCAST EPISODES ABOUT THE CARPET AT PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, OR I WILL KILL YOU", well, what is a podcaster who is definitely not a low power FM broadcaster to do? Not to worry, dear listener, because tonight will truly be the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND because that Russian spacecraft is going to crash directly into our transmitter on Corona Heights. WIN-WIN, biatches!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: In the event of a transmitter failure, a pre-recorded program on the PDX carpet will be streamed.

Chatroom History
April 29, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: joni's not dead. yet. (10:08pm)
ken: Music For Carpets (10:08pm)
tomaramadingdong: love Joni, and carpets, and amway (10:09pm)
ken: (10:28pm)
Karen Carpenter: (10:29pm)
ken: I can hear Roman Mars' dulcet tones (10:33pm)
ken: I said no such thing (10:48pm)
ken: speaking of carpet: (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: I just left reno. love that peppermill carpet! (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: I compare all casino carpets to the peppermill (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: does the carpet at pdx match the drapes? (10:58pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I concur with Puzzling Evidence being a shining beacon of guesthood. (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: hi kiko (11:13pm)
Dr. Fiasco: hey jamie (11:17pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I just put the anchor babies to sleep (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: aww they're Sooo cute (11:21pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I just tried to call and your phone ain't ringing (11:24pm)
Dr. Fiasco: 415 962 7979 right? Nothing. (11:27pm)
Karen Carpenter: (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: ow combustion (11:42pm)

April 22, 2015 10:00pm


In a world where no one is safe from capricious emperors, Old Testament gods, natural calamities, corrupt border police, flooded submarines, pirates, inept air traffic control, military school brats, western outlaws, power-mad Tutor kings, dying plankton, football fans, skyjackers, big city gamblers, three or more musketeers, jealous suitors, Confederate prisoners, zombies and ants, there comes a man whose chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, political activism and baritone voice will stand and have the last word. Most of the time. Well, sometimes. OK, ok... in at least one disaster film, John Carter (better known by his totally fake name "Charleton Heston") gets to do the HESTON REVEAL, which is immediately followed by audience gasps. Just like in every FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with incidental background victims Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It's made of people.

Chatroom History
April 22, 2015 10:00pm - 1:26am
vj pussycat: charlton heston put his vest on (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: (10:11pm)
revpeas: is it good show (10:21pm)
revpeas: ?????? (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: it is (10:22pm)
revpeas: ok then (10:22pm)
revpeas: yes e.g. robinson was in the greatest story ever told (10:22pm)
revpeas: scribe (10:22pm)
revpeas: blue striped headress (10:23pm)
revpeas: see here moses (10:23pm)
nexus006: Moses says hell yeah I wanna hear a trach. (11:01pm)
ken: first raspberry pi and now countersinking? this feels like home. (11:31pm)

April 15, 2015 10:00pm


A FLAT TAX FOR A FLAT EARTH, Tonight on Radio Valencia!

This Flat Earth is the only known world in existence. Moses, all the prophets, Jesus Christ, all affirm Earth Center of the Universe Flat and does not whirl around Radio Valencia.

Gen 1.1: God created the world was without form and void. (Had no shape just water forever and no land.) Land created is sitting in and on the water. World without end or edge.

North is the center of the World, an ice ring surrounding the known world, and no one -- not even Karen Carpenter or Sherilyn Connelly -- knows what is beyond the cold and dark of the south. The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is the oldest society existing on radio today, and it began with the creation of the Flat Earth. George Washington knew the Earth Flat. USA founded as a Flat Earth Nation. The round spinning ball superstition is subversive.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Heaven is a place above Flat Earth, could be about 4,000 miles, and they have a tax system with a constant marginal rate, usually applied to individual or corporate income.

Chatroom History
April 15, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
tracy: This could be me... (10:30pm)
tracy: Is that a parrot in the background? (10:32pm)
tracy: The parrot is saying "shut up" (10:34pm)
tracy: Kundalini? (10:34pm)
tracy: Dang it... You made me wiki Kundalini... (10:36pm)
tracy: Dod the parrot just say "crackpot?" (10:37pm)
tracy: "There was some information I found on the internet once" Thats so beautiful, I wanna cry. (10:38pm)
tracy: "Its an entire town of Frank Chu (10:39pm)
tracy: he has some great words (10:40pm)
tracy: "Crackpot" (10:41pm)
tracy: This is killin me (10:45pm)
tracy: I am changing my name to "Kundalini" (10:46pm)
tracy: Kundalini Feldstein (10:46pm)
tracy: I'm going Kundalini on your ass (10:48pm)
tracy: (10:50pm)

April 8, 2015 10:00pm


Dear Radio Valencia Disc Jockey Candidate,

Congratulations, your application to become a Radio Valencia DJ has been approved! Your weekly program, "VD Talk", will be the 6am-8am morning drive time slot each Sunday. Soon as you have passed your physical examination and we have conducted a background check, your start date will be assigned.

Pursuant toward a successful background check, your information will be passed on to the RV Security Department. This routine process will require transcripts K-12 (if completed), a copy of your high school diploma or GED, plus, in the unlikely chance that you have completed any higher education, please submit the trade or cosmetology school transcripts. You must detail all involvement with law enforcement, including but not limited to traffic infractions, public demonstrations, loitering, truancy, vagrancy, moral turpitude, use of drugs legal or otherwise, kidnapping, raised voices, assault, hate crimes and other lack of being excellent to others, property damage and manslaughter. Please include any immediate family members who have misdemeanors or felony convictions. Report all time of incarcerations, detailing institutions and conditions of parole. List all jobs you have had since being expelled from school and why you were fired. Account for all income through receipts, payroll stubs or chits. Finally, please explain why your letters of recommendation were returned covered in feces.

Following a successful background check, you will be assigned RV mentors to smooth your transition. Your mentors will be radio veterans Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, who will expect you for their FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.


I'm Not in Charge, Esq.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It's just a formality.

Chatroom History
April 8, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Sesame Street alien: I've had training in fingerprinting people. It is an utter bitch to do. (10:14pm)
Mike Check: where's my whiskey? (10:53pm)
Mike Check: Star Wars? Looks like they're sinking... (10:54pm)
Mike Check: Job check? (10:55pm)
Mike Check: Yes, that scene is, and a sub is a boat. (11:02pm)
BoogerVonFlickenfinger: I listen (11:14pm)
tracy: whats the word? (11:16pm)
tracy: wow im trippin (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: good stoner shit (11:18pm)
BoogerVonFlickenfinger: It's like The Amazing World of Arthur Brown (11:22pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: How did Dr Hal go? (11:34pm)
tracy: Are we really listeng to you load bullshit onto a computer? (11:40pm)

April 1, 2015 10:00pm


As Radio Valencia stated in its SF Weekly ad of January 16, free speech is not a free pass to broadcast or podcast false information. More than two years after Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly started secretly working on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, glorifying admitted liars expelled as long as three decades ago from the Station for lack of excellence, the one-sided result is as dishonest as their sources.

Radio Valencia has documented evidence that those featured in the show regurgitating their stale, discredited allegations are admitted perjurers, admitted liars and professional anti-Valencians whose living depends on the filing of false claims. All have been gone so long from the Station, they still think it's at that place on Cesar Chavez, and that the FCC might show up with local law enforcement (they always do). Yet NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND stonewalled 14 requests by the Station to offer relevant information, with more than 25 individuals with firsthand information eager to speak. To this day, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND cannot deny that they have yet to answer three dozen letters from the Station requesting an opportunity to respond or requesting correction of factual errors in the show. Radio Valencia never sought special treatment, only fair treatment.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Our Operating Thetan Levels go up to 11.

Chatroom History
April 1, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
Karen Carpenter: Nexus666 are you out there? (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Psychological folk art, LOL> (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: it's all good, man (10:29pm)
nexus006: Where the fuck is Xenu. He's supposed to be bringing spinach dip to the potluck. (10:44pm)
Karen Carpenter: nexus 600, did you watch ALIEN DEATH RAY? (10:56pm)
nexus006: Not must have been recorded recently...I'll check it out this weekend. (11:08pm)
vj pussycat: beck is married to Giovanni ribissi's sister (11:48pm)
vj pussycat: elfman's neice (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: Ridley Scott and his brother who jumped off a bridge (11:52pm)

March 25, 2015 10:00pm


Tonight on Radio Valencia, BOB-MARC and his AMAZING THEME! Pulled together at the last minute from the great mind of BOB-MARC, this theme will charm, excite, thrill, confound and titillate the listeners. All the listeners! Age-appropriate and fat-free, made of locally-sourced ingredients and no GMO, this FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is so together that you will be grateful you are not dead. See what we did there?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: May contain trace amounts of Karen Carpenter and Sherilyn Connelly.

Chatroom History
March 25, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: amaaaaaazzzzing (10:09pm)

March 18, 2015 10:00pm


For the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, cook 6 ounces diced slab bacon in a skillet; drain. Wrap bacon around scallops; secure with toothpicks. Toss with 12 ounces cooked penne, 4 cups arugula, the bacon, some basil and a splash of pasta water. Mix 8 ounces each cream cheese and crab meat, Karen Carpenter, 1 cup crumbled cooked bacon, Bob-Marc, 1/2 cup mayonnaise, Sherilyn Connelly, 3 chopped scallions and the juice of 1 lemon. Dredge the bacon slices in the brown sugar mixture and arrange the bacon on the rack. Add 1/4 cup crumbled cooked bacon and 2 tablespoons chopped chives. Wrap in bacon and cook in a skillet over medium-high heat, 4 minutes per side.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Just add bacon.

Chatroom History
March 18, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
KatHerding: what the fuck is this? (10:03pm)
KatHerding: oh, the history of bacon. I see. (10:03pm)
KatHerding: Bacon Bowl snatch did she say? (10:07pm)
KatHerding: thank god for non-commercial radio! (10:09pm)
KatHerding: Pork Be Inspired! (10:11pm)
KatHerding: MY silicone tongs are rated for offworld crustaceans. (10:13pm)
KatHerding: cooking bacon in BUTTER? is this a State Fair? (10:17pm)
theotherlistener: what's up with your mics? (11:39pm)
theotherlistener: Much better. (11:39pm)
theotherlistener: Bacon! (11:49pm)
theotherlistener: Not chinese food. (11:51pm)
theotherlistener: look up the Sepoys, 1857 (11:53pm)
theotherlistener: Sounds french... (11:59pm)
theotherlistener: Whoops, you're done. (12:00am)

March 11, 2015 10:00pm


The Grammarians, inhabitants of the Magical Land of Upper Grammar, have waged war on the misuse of "literal" for like literally dozens and dozens of years. Really. Not Kidding. So, because we are essentially lingual maybe 8 out of 14 of our waking hours, except when chewing, mostly. That's why, ok? Then someone uses a word that they do not really know the meaning of, but they do anyway. It is like totally ignorant. Same for the word "existential", which duh means "exist" and "tension" and "-el". Easy, right? Cause most words that end in "-el" are from Krypton or something, so they are superwords. DON'T USE SUPERWORDS LIGHTLY! I mean it's phat aggravating. Make the pretty talkers Karen Carpenter, BOB-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly (especially SHERILYN CONNELLY) do a FINAL BROADCAST of NOUN NOUN NOUN NOUN, with right words at right times. Got it? OK.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Correcting you where it hurts the most.

Chatroom History
March 11, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
poor Brian...everybody picks on brian!: lol (10:21pm)
tracy: poor brian...everybody picks on brian. (10:22pm)
Sesame Street alien: Denmark. (11:28pm)
Aieen Rand: Leaf me out of tishrnf. (11:54pm)
Scientolgistsistas: What about us?!! (11:55pm)

March 4, 2015 10:00pm


What happened this week was more than a coincidence, much more than a convergence, certainly even very much much more than a "Perfect Storm", it was a MIRACLE... both of the regular DJs (2 out of 2, 100%, a minyan) independently had energy-efficient compact fluoresecent light bulbs go off in their brains at the brilliant realization of the most beautiful couple to command Future USA... The Reverend Doctor Pat Robertson and The Junior Senator from Texas, Rafael "TeD" Cruz. Jr.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(deep breath...)


Admittedly, some would see a better VP fit with Rafael Cruz, Sr., being a self-appointed fundamentalist pastor like Robertson, but everyone in politics knows you don't load a ticket with two geezers super crazy for the End Times, when you can just as easily pair Crazy Ol' Pat with youthful Tea Bagger TeD ... And you still get the End Times!

And lo, we say unto you that White Jesus commands you to listen to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, where political disciples Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will guide you through the Holy Voter ID process so you may confer your electoral blessing on the Chosen People (...but not the Jews, ok?).

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: As was foretold in low power scripture.

Chatroom History
March 4, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
vj pussycat: thank you (10:18pm)
Dr. Penny: NHLG plays the most fabulous music! (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: Frank Zappa sucks. (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: More women in binders. (10:26pm)
Hairpiece: HHS (10:48pm)
jesus: Yes it's a miracle (10:49pm)
jesus: I want to hear bob-Marc naked. (10:50pm)
nexus006: Ian the snail (10:50pm)
jesus: Matlock just ended. (10:50pm)
jesus: Where? Where? (10:51pm)
jesus: Lear, who made the jet (10:59pm)

February 25, 2015 10:00pm


In 1982, both the movie and video game industries were doing just fine. Then someone had the bright idea of making an Atari 2600 game based on the movie E.T., and then things went downhill fast. The game was a flop, countless unsold E.T. cartridges were allegedly buried in a New Mexico landfill, people stopped buying Atari products, and soon movies and video games both faded into obscurity -- thus allowing podcasting to eventually become the biggest branch of the entertainment industry. On the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, we'll look into what really happened to those E.T. cartridges (hint: it involves a New Mexico landfill), and why people like Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly don't talk about video games anymore (hint: it's because they're very old).

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: To pause play, allow E.T. to fall into a well.

Chatroom History
February 25, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: I've got your Yar's Revenge right here (10:07pm)
BoogerVonFlickenfinger: DID THEY FIND THE CARTRIDGES? (10:55pm)
spoink: Yes but 'octopii' is unacceptable no matter how many people use it. (11:40pm)
spoink: It's a mixture of latin and greek. (11:41pm)
spoink: You end up with things like 'Scientology' and 'Television' (11:42pm)
spoink: Stop reading the comments. (11:42pm)
spoink: Berzerk! (11:42pm)
spoink: Electric Thanksgiving! (11:43pm)
spoink: 100 (11:45pm)
spoink: Play it, it's not even a video game. It's mechanical. (11:46pm)
spoink: This is amazing. A centepede commercial. (11:49pm)
spoink: Oh, what's with the french stuff? (11:58pm)
spoink: ugh. (11:59pm)

February 18, 2015 10:00pm


Unsolicited advice is the most cost-effective advice around. Internationally valued at 2 cents and unaffected by inflation over the last century, few can argue that price is a barrier to getting unwanted advice. In fact, it seems there are almost no barriers to the delivery of such advice, especially when it is completely useless information. There is also no added cost for same-day delivery, even when personally presented by the informant. The time it takes you to hear it is the only extra charge, unless you elect to process the datum before rejecting it. Many have concluded that the processing and responding time does incure a net loss, so have adopted a rapid non-commital acknowledgement combined with false enthusiastic appreciation for the irritating effort of the clueless informant. This is best demonstrated with the following exchange:

Someone Who Obviously Knows More About Life Than You Do: "You should fix that flat tire. It is certainly damaging and potentially dangerous to continue riding your bike like that. I once saw someone slip and break a tooth because of a flat. It was fortunate that person was not run over by a bus. Even bus tires need changing when flat. I drove a bus once, so I know about these things."

You: "Thank you!"

The accumulated wisdom of countless civilizations have learned that any other reply is certainly damaging to your psyche and potentially dangerous to everyone nearby. And this is why during the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, qualified staff advisors Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, along with loquacious expert KrOB will help you in ways that you can't possibily appreciate.

NOSE HAR LINT GLAND: Unwelcome answers to unasked questions, sent with love.

enjoying: i hear you (10:26pm)
enjoying: slack (10:38pm)
Sesame Street alien: Cause of death: duck embolism. (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: dr fiasco is on fb?! (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: hi dr and y'all (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: I will like you're page. maybe. (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: your not you're (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: I do about 5% fb than I used to (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: dead air (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: and there's no dr fiasco on fb (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: live air again (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: there is a Brazilian astronaut on fb, but he's not hairy enough (11:56pm)

February 11, 2015 10:00pm


Robots! They're the mechanical marvels who will serve our every need, and make the day-to-day domestic drudgery of the housewife a thing of the past. But will they also make the week-to-week unlicensed drudgery of podcasting a thing of the past? Tonight on the (hint hint) FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, meatbags Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB will praise their new electromechanic overlords.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Kill all humans.

Chatroom History
February 11, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Alan B.: Space-age robuts will not pay your doctor bills. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Dad can't cook, ya know. (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Just us robuts. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Kraftwerk - Robots (10:10pm)
Alan B.: (10:11pm)
Alan B.: I will miss the meatbags. (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: The Hal 9000 can defeat them all. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Cheers, Dr. Penny. A sad day, here at the final broadcast. (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan B. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Why doesn't BobMarc's mic sound like shit? (10:14pm)
Alan B.: (10:14pm)
Alan B.: (10:16pm)
Alan B.: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings, (10:17pm)
Alan B.: except (10:18pm)
Alan B.: where such orders would conflict with the First Law. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: WOPR (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Boog 'em, Dano. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Headless Robotic Dogs Are The Stuff Of Sci-Fi Nightmares [Video] (10:28pm)
Dr. Penny: Thank the maker, this oil bath is going to feel so good. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Including the French. (10:32pm)
Dr. Penny: And their anti-robot french presses. (10:35pm)
Sesame Street alien: (for reference: ) (10:48pm)
Alan B.: G'nite. (11:09pm)
DJDEADHAIR: (11:29pm)

February 4, 2015 10:00pm


"I doubt that you would recognize civic virtue if it reached up and bit you in the ass."

Thus began the instant message from one of the Citizens of Radio Valencia. There was no denying the truth... he was a Citizen DJ and I was just a civilian. DJs who joined Radio Valencia Email List Service, read every post and thread and served honorably were given franchise. They could speak up, ask questions, have more than 2 children and even vote on the important issues, like what gets played by RoboDJ.

"You don't care, everything is a joke to you. We are the ones who stick our necks out, perjure ourselves for the safety of the body politic... maybe you would be happier at some other "radio" station.".

The words burned my eyes with shame, almost as much shame as doing the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, delivered by pathetic civilians Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB... because just coming in and doing your scheduled show doesn't measure up to the courage it takes to make the safety of the other DJs your personal responsibility.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Service Guarantees Citizenship. Would you like to know more?

January 28, 2015 10:00pm


On January 28, 1985, a very special event occurred: dozens of America's top recording artists (and Dan Aykroyd, for some reason) gathered together to record "We Are the World," a song intended to end famine in Africa. It didn't really work all that well (again, probably because of the presence of Dan Aykroyd), and several updates over the years have also failed to do anything to save the world, but that changes tonight! It's January 28, 2015, and on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, superstar podcasters Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB will re-create that special night from 30 years ago, recording a new song that's totally going to end all of Radio Valencia's troubles, including chatbox trolls, insufficient listenership, elusive licensing of some indeterminate kind, and of course, errant whip-it cannisters causing delays in morning shows. And it's totally going to work this time! (Although Dan Aykroyd will be providing Crystal Head Vodka, so we may be in trouble.)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: No, really, what the high holy fuck was Dan Aykroyd doing there?

Chatroom History
January 28, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: Check, check one two....sibilance...sibilance. (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: 4 alarm I believe (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: Abe vigoda is connected by the cloud (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: Internet of things (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: Steve perry is now Vietnamese (10:37pm)
nexus006: Traach (11:01pm)
Sesame Street alien: married Stiv Bators? (who's dead.) (11:02pm)
nexus006: Stuffin Martha's Muffin. Mojo Nixon (11:02pm)
nexus006: 1985 did have one good album. Hounds Of Love. Kate Bush (11:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: and Rain Dogs. (11:13pm)
Eatit: I missed the beginning again and I don't know what's going on now. (11:13pm)
Sesame Street alien: and New Day Rising. (11:13pm)
Sesame Street alien: and 3=Way Tie For Last. (11:13pm)
nexus006: 1985: Cure The Head On The Door, Smiths Meat Is Murder, New Order Low Life. (11:23pm)

January 21, 2015 10:00pm


We here at the NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Business Committee have just completed revising our bylaws, including qualifications for membership. Our records indicate that you have applied to be a NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND listener each of the calendar years 2010-2014. We now invite you to re-apply. Upon receipt of non-refundable application fee, you will be considered for Membership in the Listener Inner Circle. The honors and benefits which come with this appointment include, but are not limited to: valet parking at Radio Valencia, complimentary intercontinental breakfast, Radio Valencia lanyard, use of the Radio Valencia copier, fax machine and pager, and two tickets to The Annual NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Dinner and Awards Ceremony.

To qualify for the Listener Inner Circle, applicants must:

--- be residents of the Bay Area.
--- be regularly employed.
--- listen to at least 50 NHLG episodes annually.
--- express, in the course of their daily life, unquestioned support for the points of view of NHLG producers, artists and staff.
--- never engage in any act of baseness, vileness, or depravity in the private and social duties which a man owes to his fellowmen, or to society in general, contrary to the accepted and customary rule of right and duty between man and man.
--- never have used anything but your legal name in the Radio Valencia chatbox.

Apply today, because this is the FINAL BROADCAST.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Please accept our sincere regrets, loser.

Chatroom History
January 21, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Alan B.: Alan B. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: I am always the wrong person. (10:06pm)
Karen Carpenter: an (10:23pm)
Karen Carpenter: "Any club that would hae me as a member..." (10:24pm)
Karen Carpenter: wow, I made it to the gigs (11:00pm)

January 14, 2015 10:00pm


Several days in the writing (and according to one podcaster, "thick enough to stop a whip-it canister") the NOSE HAIR LINT LAND edition of the American Podcasting Association's "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM-NHLG) has been dubbed "The Podcaster's Bible."

Debuting on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, the DSM-NHLG is an attempt to provide podcasters such as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB with a much-needed definitive list of all recognized radio health conditions, including their symptoms such as leaving things like clothes, yoga mats, slides, old newspapers, unused coffee pots, and electric kettles in the lobby. But with so many gaps in our understanding of making noise, even attempting to do so is hugely controversial, especially when people are assholes who don't just email the list first.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Member Driven. Science Based. Patient Focused.

Chatroom History
January 14, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
tomb: this whole show is a self-fulfilling prohecy (10:02pm)
Alan B.: High Anxiety?! I could cry, you are all so clever to choose this. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Saw it first run. (10:10pm)

January 7, 2015 10:00pm


Tonight, the world of "radio" gets a little bit smaller. Shrinks. Shrivels up. Yes, the entertainment that usually flows from your speakers and headphones Wednesdays at 8pm like delicious golden honey will be surplanted with an enlarged FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Wot? No Dante's Hot Tub starring Juan Rapido? Yes, children, Juan going with his parents to see "The Hobbit, Five Armys, Count 'Em, Five", and they must stop him from chewing on the 3-D glasses, since he won't be chewing out Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly. But its ok, 'cause if he doesn't chew, his teeth will grow through his brain.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Just like Dante's Hot Tub, but soaking in spilled wine, roaches with a naked Dr. Hal.

Chatroom History
January 7, 2015 10:00pm - 12:00am
Alan B.: What, no Dead? (10:00pm)
Alan B.: HAR! (10:00pm)
Alan B.: I'M NOT SORRY (10:00pm)
Alan B.: NOT A BIT (10:01pm)
Alan B.: I loved these extra innings, and now I'm bailing. See ya. (10:03pm)
i'm not convinced that: bobmarc hates the grateful dead... (10:57pm)
anyone can SAY: "they hate the grateful dead"... (10:59pm)
but, where, i ask you,: is the proof???? (10:59pm)
drugs are not for looking : at (11:13pm)
caffeine's a drug: nicotine's a drug (11:14pm)
who's the : toehead???? (11:15pm)
make a w: with your 2 thumbs and index fingers (11:16pm)
sorry,: pinkies! (11:17pm)
like this:::: ::: (11:20pm)
i'm not convinced that: bobmarc hates gary gygax (11:38pm)
i'm not convinced that: bobmarc isn't puzzling evidence (11:44pm)
i'm not convinced that: the chatterbox is media (11:47pm)
those drugs are: legal (11:49pm)

January 7, 2015 8:00pm


Tonight, the world of "radio" gets a little bit smaller. Shrinks. Shrivels up. Yes, the entertainment that usually flows from your speakers and headphones Wednesdays at 8pm like delicious golden honey will be surplanted with an enlarged FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Wot? No Dante's Hot Tub starring Juan Rapido? Yes, children, Juan going with his parents to see "The Hobbit, Five Armys, Count 'Em, Five", and they must stop him from chewing on the 3-D glasses, since he won't be chewing out Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly. But its ok, 'cause if he doesn't chew, his teeth will grow through his brain.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Just like Dante's Hot Tub, but soaking in spilled wine, roaches with a naked Dr. Hal.

Chatroom History
January 7, 2015 8:00pm - 10:00pm
vj pussycat: this is the weirdest dante's hot tub. sounds suspiciously like nhlg (8:22pm)
lasers in the jungle: just like in "CONGO" (8:32pm)
Karen Carpenter: don' t tht just beat all? (8:33pm)
Banana: Addict (8:35pm)
vj pussycat: sure thing karen. what did you do with juan rapido? (8:36pm)
vj pussycat: and was that the boy in the plastic bubble? (8:36pm)
vj pussycat: IT IS!!!! (8:37pm)
vj pussycat: TBITPB (8:37pm)
Mojo Jojo: Ooooh, that is a MISCONCEPTION! (8:37pm)
vj pussycat: WOOOO HOOO (8:38pm)
MaxMix: Nice job Nose Hair! (8:38pm)
vj pussycat: he has aids (8:42pm)
no one should have to listen: to this show at 8pm!!!! (8:42pm)
sharkey: $13 (8:43pm)
sharkey: mmore reverb (8:44pm)
sharkey: vasekina (8:45pm)
sharkey: vaselina (8:45pm)
Alan B.: Alan B. (8:46pm)
Alan B.: wait? what? (8:47pm)
Alan B.: Alan B. (8:47pm)
Alan B.: LOL. (8:47pm)
Alan B.: Is this (8:48pm)
Alan B.: where I apply (8:48pm)
Alan B.: to participate in (8:48pm)
Alan B.: the fat, white hot tub? (8:49pm)
Alan B.: He's not your dad! (8:49pm)
do some back: announcing (8:50pm)
Alan B.: Dante's Hot Tub, now with less MRSA. (8:50pm)
Alan B.: MRSA infection: (8:51pm)
Alan B.: With my one earbud (8:51pm)
thy rod and thy staph: shall do something... (8:51pm)
Alan B.: Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) infection is caused by a strain of staph bacteria that's become resistant to the antibiotics commonly used to treat ordinary staph infections. (8:51pm)
meth-driven: chatterbox (8:52pm)
Alan B.: Okay, let's freak 'em out, Chatterbox. Chime in! (8:52pm)
killing my ears: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (8:54pm)
Alan B.: Those SFX are making me need to pee. (8:54pm)
Alan B.: "Hot Tub Rash" (Pseudomonas Dermatitis / Folliculitis) (8:55pm)
Alan B.: He stays crunchy, even in milk. (8:57pm)
Alan B.: Touche (8:57pm)
sharkey: eat my naked flesh with a little chianti (8:58pm)
Alan B.: Moral Characteristics of the Prophets: A Qur�anic Perspective (8:59pm)
Alan B.: 1. Submissive to God (8:59pm)
Alan B.: 2. Gentle to the people (8:59pm)
Alan B.: 3. Deep concern for the people (9:00pm)
Alan B.: Most kind and merciful to the faithful (9:00pm)
Alan B.: (4) (9:00pm)
Alan B.: Who has faith in God and His words (9:00pm)
Alan B.: 6. God-fearing (9:00pm)
Alan B.: 7. Pure in his worship (9:00pm)
Alan B.: 8. His heart is strenthened by God (9:01pm)
Alan B.: 9. He puts his trust in God (9:01pm)
Alan B.: 10. Mercy to all the inhabitants of the world (9:01pm)
Alan B.: and five more (9:01pm)
Alan B.: The Koran can't be a worse-edited book than the Bible. (9:02pm)
sharkey: nices to pieces (9:03pm)
Alan B.: I have been to Nice, it's nice. (9:03pm)
sharkey: sheesh it's neece (9:04pm)
Alan B.: Don't play the Kronos ID, either (9:06pm)
sharkey: where do i see the show here? (9:06pm)
Alan B.: No, the inlaws are. (9:07pm)
don't play anything: not excellent (9:07pm)
Alan B.: Get Dr. H.A.L., we need his thunderstick. (9:07pm)
sharkey: is John Revolta resistant to antibiotics? (9:08pm)
Alan B.: I saw this goddamn TV film live, aged 11. (9:09pm)
Alan B.: John Travolta - Let Her In (1976) (9:11pm)
Alan B.: (9:13pm)
Alan B.: Can we please have a time check on the film? (9:14pm)
Alan B.: Or just post a link to the timecode of the sideboob. (9:15pm)
vj pussycat: I didn't look at fb today (9:19pm)
vj pussycat: I saw dr fiasco nyd (9:19pm)
Alan B.: I ruined it OF COURSE. (9:21pm)
vj pussycat: Glynis (9:21pm)
vj pussycat: Yes Glynis (9:22pm)
Alan B.: A nice Jewish girl (9:22pm)
Alan B.: 55:47 -- John Travolta's side boob (9:23pm)
vj pussycat: is she a scientologist? (9:24pm)
vj pussycat: Helen slater was in afterschool specials (9:25pm)
Alan B.: 1:02 - A goddamned dunebuggy (9:25pm)
vj pussycat: I think she is in dinky hocker shoots smack (9:26pm)
Alan B.: I loved that shit. (9:26pm)
vj pussycat: is helen slater a scientologist? (9:28pm)
Alan B.: Nope, Vertigo (9:29pm)
Alan B.: DC's weirdo imprint. (9:29pm)
Alan B.: Vertigo (9:30pm)
Alan B.: It was derivative of HST and like him, repetitive. (9:30pm)
Alan B.: But the climax was awesome, calling back to the lady who froze her brain and came back. (9:31pm)
Alan B.: You should really read Grant Morrison's The Invisibles, if you haven't, Karen. (9:31pm)
Alan B.: KILLED BY THE PUSSY. (9:31pm)
Alan B.: HST had is role to play. Campaign Trail was the book that grew me up. (9:32pm)
Alan B.: Does Dr. Fiasco write H.A.L.'s show descriptions on the podcasts? (9:39pm)
Alan B.: BobMarc's Dr. H.A.L. impression is SPOT ON. (9:41pm)
Alan B.: I totally miss my Astro Van, sold it running for $200 and regret it deeply. The truck-body model. (9:49pm)
Alan B.: No back seatbelts for the kids. (9:49pm)
Alan B.: I bow to your mechanical prowess. (9:50pm)
Alan B.: Every joke song should be one chorus and one verse. (9:53pm)
Alan B.: ... and before that . . . (9:53pm)
Alan B.: That picture proves . . . Archimedes was right. (9:55pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, you are. (9:57pm)
Alan B.: He had one job and he did it. (9:57pm)
Alan B.: It just makes programming sense. (9:58pm)
Alan B.: Stress-testing the compressor limiter. (9:59pm)

December 31, 2014 10:00pm


Happy Yekaterina Bridge, you filthy ingrates! You people, who if not for the benevolent Wilford would have frozen solid 18 years ago today. You people, who would suck up the generous titties of Wilford ever since for food and shelter. (But please don't call him the boss, because he's NOT THE BOSS, nor does he want to hear any of your jerky-jerk questions.) Mr. Wilford is merciful, Mr. Wilford is benevolent, and you repay his kindness with violent hooliganism, empty whip-it canisters, and improper RoboDJ settings. You scum! And now, as we pass the Yekaterina Bridge on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, 74% of you shall die, specifically Karen Carpenter, Mrs. Karen Carpenter, and Sherilyn Connelly.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: My friend, you suffer the misplaced optimism of the doomed.

Chatroom History
December 31, 2014 10:00pm - 12:30am
Alan B.: Alan B. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Salut, les enfants! (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Sounds wonderful. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Happy new year, you lot. (10:15pm)
Dr. Penny: It's not the penultimate show because it's always the final broadcast. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Damn near. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: I am green with envy. (10:16pm)
Mrs.: I have chocolate cake (10:16pm)
Mrs.: I can only answer through chatterbox (10:17pm)
Alan B.: He said knob. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Sarah Z! (10:18pm)
Mrs.: Hi Alan B! (10:18pm)
Mrs.: It was sad (10:19pm)
Alan B.: I'm with you, BobMarc, I didn't watch Snarglepiercer, either. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Supertrain! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: (10:20pm)
nexus006: Happy new year Alan B. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Happy new year, nexuszerozerosix! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: We already watched Ryan Seacrest and fell asleep. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: I want to cut Jenny McCarthy's head off. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Taylor Swift danced awkwardly. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Elton John looked like a potato with mange in a glitttery sportsjacket. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: I want to marry the sound tonight and have babies with it. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: It sounded like the gain on the input channel / RoboDJ was too hot on the board. (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: Elton John in a Taylor Swift tutu might be nice. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Or maybe like the sound of Juan Rapido failing. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Elton sings like a 70 year old Elton John. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Penny!! (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Why does the tour guide talk like William Shatner? (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan B.! :) (10:27pm)
Alan B.: MYSTERY ISLAND! (10:27pm)
Alan B.: He's a cylon! (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: From Cyland (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Talking directly into a diaphragm of a microphone will cause a nasty side effect called "P-popping". (10:29pm)
Alan B.: P-popping is a horrible explosive bass "thump" you hear when a speaker uses certain letters (P's and B's) and speaks right into the mic. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: (10:29pm)
Alan B.: This music makes me want cocaine. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: I can't wait for "space." (10:31pm)
Dr. Penny: might as well be Great White (10:32pm)
Alan B.: (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I only have pound, is that too much? (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Okay, that Lazarus pull made me laugh out loud. (10:33pm)
Dr. Penny: Sounds like enough for new years eve. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: God made man, but He used a monkey to do it. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Apes in the plan, and we're all here to prove it (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I've missed a lot of episodes, will cocaine fit in the Large Hadron Collider? (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Throw the fan out the window? (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: And all the angels stood round about the throne, and about the elders and the four beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God. -- Rev. 7:11 (10:38pm)
Alan B.: NICE. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: ... I have stolen more quotes and thoughts and purely elegant little starbursts (10:39pm)
Alan B.: of writing (10:40pm)
Alan B.: from the Book of Revelations (10:40pm)
Alan B.: than (10:41pm)
Alan B.: from anything else (10:41pm)
Alan B.: in the English Language -- HST (10:41pm)
Dr. Penny: The mother of Sisera looked out at a window, and cried through the lattice, Why is his chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariots? So let all thine enemies perish, O LORD: but let them that love him be as the sun when he goeth forth in his might. -- Judges 5:28, 31 (10:41pm)
mrs.: contractor humor (10:42pm)
Dr. Penny: prehung (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Contactor humor is what closes on Saturday night. (10:43pm)
mrs.: his rear gate is swollen (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Pinterest: Contractor Humor (10:44pm)
Dr. Penny: butt sex is more difficult (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Check the packaging for butt sex instructions. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Blow power!~ (10:45pm)
Alan B.: I'm a puddle, I swear to god. (10:46pm)
mrs.: radio voice (10:46pm)
Dr. Penny: His voice has primed you up. (10:47pm)
Dr. Penny: moist (10:47pm)
Alan B.: C'mere, 20-year-old radio-voice guy. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: I vote for 20-year-old DJ getting the booth announcer job at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, he needs to cut some promos. (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: OH, he opens up the pores of somebody's wood. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Giant balls man is a welcome addition to the show. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: That was an hour ago, boss. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: E to the S to the T. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: So far, 2015 is drunk. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Yes, he is present. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Up the butt, no lube. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: GOP whipping my ass. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Where the HELL is H.A.L.?! (10:55pm)
mrs.: real firewworks outside (10:55pm)
Alan B.: I had kraut for dinner at Metzger's German American Restaurant, in Ann Arbor since 1928. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: You need da plane, da plane!! (10:56pm)
Alan B.: (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Fuck Ayn Rand. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: What is Giant Balls Man's name? (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Dan, the Giant Balls Man. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter promised me that if I watched tonight's NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, I would understand all of the Snarglepiercer references. (10:59pm)
mrs.: lies (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I figured cocaine and chocolate cake would attract Dr. H.A.L. (10:59pm)
mrs.: spoilers (10:59pm)
Alan B.: GOD DAMMIT SPOILERS (11:00pm)
mrs.: hal is in high demand on holidays (11:00pm)
Alan B.: I don't need H.A.L. when the lovely Ms. Z is in the chatterbox. (11:00pm)
Dr. Penny: small children are perpetually needed (11:01pm)
Dr. Penny: and so Dr. Fiasco has another baby (11:01pm)
mrs.: nhlg banned (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Can I request my NHLG Venom station ID, Karen Carpenter? (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Church Air (11:03pm)
Dr. Penny: Bridge Air (11:04pm)
Dr. Penny: Balls deep (11:04pm)
mrs.: dj dan wanted to know if the mess we leave here ends up at RV (11:05pm)
Dr. Penny: has the fan been torn down and thrown out the window? (11:06pm)
Alan B.: I have it here, Pete: (11:06pm)
Alan B.: ^^Snarglepiercer map (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Australia: Snubbed (11:07pm)
Alan B.: My NYE wish for you: (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Where the hell is Kat Herding and John Shirley? (11:09pm)
Alan B.: This motherfucker is completely spoilt. (11:10pm)
Kat Herding: here! (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Mmmmmwah! Hi, Kat! (11:11pm)
Kat Herding: give Karen Carpenter a big smooch for me. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: No, he's mean! (11:12pm)
mrs.: i will (11:12pm)
Alan B.: (11:13pm)
Dr. Penny: (11:13pm)
Kat Herding: Earth is not flat. Earth is hollow. (11:14pm)
mrs.: snowpiercer at ca academy (11:14pm)
Alan B.: I watched the trailer, and if I had to live on that train I would do everything I could to derail it. (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: The train streams through a cocaine wonderland. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Let me axe you a question. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: KrOB's lecture 22: Jar-Jar, Threat or Menace? (11:18pm)
Dr. Penny: (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Black Stomtrooper can't breathe. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Fuckin' awesome! (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Wall to wall and tree-top tall, good buddy! (11:20pm)
mrs.: i was in return of the jedi (11:21pm)
fpaynter: Return of the jelly? (11:21pm)
Alan B.: I remember that! You were in a crowd scene? (11:21pm)
mrs.: and empire strikes back (11:21pm)
mrs.: :) (11:21pm)
fpaynter: a baseball show? (11:21pm)
fpaynter: sorry, I was here to talk about the cat in the box and temporal flux (11:22pm)
Alan B.: NOT the real Darth Vader (11:24pm)
Alan B.: it was the fake for the appearances. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: I have wasted so much of my life listening to NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND> (11:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Are Darth Vader's balls as big as DJ Dan's? (11:26pm)
Alan B.: I went to see DUNE hoping for the STAR WARS experience. I was disappointed. (11:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Dan's voice is still better for radio. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Sting in the winged briefs, what the fuck? (11:28pm)
Alan B.: I totally agree. Fucking capitalists won't share their fucking cocaine. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: $1.91 for unleaded in Ann Arbor. That's a fucking disgrace. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: EVEN BETTER (11:30pm)
Alan B.: MOAR COCAINE (11:30pm)
Alan B.: JAR-JAR (11:30pm)
Alan B.: SNARGLE (11:30pm)
Alan B.: It really does sound magnificent tonight. (11:31pm)
mrs.: timelag (11:31pm)
mrs.: sshhhh (11:31pm)
Alan B.: S P O I L E R S (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR Y'ALL (11:31pm)
Alan B.: FUCK YEAH VJ (11:32pm)
mrs.: hfny (11:32pm)
vj pussycat: we're not listening but look at the pic of me and mrs doctor fiasco (11:32pm)
Alan B.: God dammit, I wish I could listen to this every week. (11:32pm)
vj pussycat: Acting like we're listening (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Live, I mean. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: In Nevada, it's 1972. (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: Are you listening to the reloadio now? (11:33pm)
Dr. Penny: Let's do the timewarp again. (11:33pm)
mrs.: is bobmarc lying? (11:35pm)
Dr. Penny: They burned the ball, that's why it's so much like Burning Man. (11:37pm)
mrs.: i smell chocolate (11:37pm)
mrs.: wine refill all around (11:39pm)
Dr. Penny: The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all. -- Psalms 103:19 (11:40pm)
Alan B.: I may have to BluRay this film. (11:41pm)
mrs.: who wants more cake? (11:43pm)
mrs.: 13 mins (11:47pm)
Alan B.: You are an excellent host, Ms. Z. (11:47pm)
mrs.: i try (11:48pm)
mrs.: almost 2015 (11:50pm)
mrs.: r those gunshots or fireworks? (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Yes. (11:51pm)
mrs.: who wants more wine (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I'm the only free man on this train! (11:54pm)
mrs.: not disappointing yet (11:56pm)
mrs.: 3 mins (11:57pm)
Alan B.: HOGAN!Q (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Have a great new year, Ms. Z, BobMark, Sherilyn and Karen Carpenter. Thanks for a great show. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: And sexy DJ Dan! (11:59pm)
Dr. Penny: Yes, another priceless episode. (11:59pm)
mrs.: hny (11:59pm)

December 24, 2014 10:00pm


Karen Carpenter: "Did you get KrOB a Christmas present?"

Mrs. Karen Carpenter: "Sorta. I was going to give him a sixpack of odd beers in our frig. Nobody else wants them. Did you get him anything?"

Karen: "Well, I guess I have to now. How about this bent nail... or wait, here's an old button."

Mrs.: "Sounds ok. Wrap them?"

Karen: "Fuck no."

Just another FINAL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with Karen Carpenter, Mrs. Karen Carpenter, and anyone who knocks loud enough on the door.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Being excellent to each other.

Test Show # 2
December 21, 2014 12:00am


Chatroom History
December 21, 2014 12:00am - 3:30am

Karen Carpenter: Conan... we are remote using the unit (12:17am)

December 17, 2014 10:00pm


On the forest planet of Kashyyyk, Life Day has arrived. It's a celebration of the planet's diverse ecosystem and the many forms of life it encompasses, and also a time to remember Wookiee family members who have died, as well as those who got banned from Kashyyyk's community radio stations for not being excellent to each other.

This year's Life Day falls on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, and as Chewbacca's family waits for him to arrive, he's being chased by Imperial forces! Will Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB be able to help Chewie and Han Solo make it to Life Day in time?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Huurh huuguughghg aaahnruh huuguughghg.

Chatroom History
December 17, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Sesame Street alien: Jesus. (10:10pm)
nexus006: Are you a krampressor or a krampusitussin (10:44pm)
nexus006: Is there a NHLG holiday party? I'll bring quality consumables. (10:52pm)
Karen Carpenter: working on it now (10:57pm)
y: Christmas in the stars: (11:35pm)
y: Christmas in the stars: (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: that was the third old school BK theme in three days (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: all unrelated (11:41pm)

December 10, 2014 10:00pm


As we approach the winter solstice and television shows go into repeats, that can only mean one thing: Krampus is coming! The one and only iconic figure of December, we will celebrate his birth on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND as well as cower in fear of the punishment he brings all the bad podcasters who violate Krampus's core value of "be excellent to each other." Thankfully, neither Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, nor even Sherilyn Connelly have ever engaged in non-excellent beingness such as leaving nitrous canisters behind, saying untoward things in the chatterbox, or flaking on their show without asking for a rerun or a sub, which is Krampus's one rule....or have they?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Because Krampus cares, even if it's a polka show.

Chatroom History
December 10, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

rmx: noise hair lint gland sounding crazy sounding good (10:24pm)
y: just great guys (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: Hi yall (10:35pm)

December 3, 2014 10:00pm


Every time I am in danger of believing the glamour of my own press, some incident inevitably brings me back to earth. - Jessica Savitch

You can easily die racing to cover a bank robbery as you can in a war zone. -Jessica Savitch

I don't exactly know what it means to be ready. A cake when the oven timer goes off? Am I fully baked, or only half-baked? -Jessica Savitch

The bad news is that 50 people died in a hotel fire; the good news is that we got exclusive footage. - Jessica Savitch

This will be the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND devoted to Jessica Savitch. And that you can believe with all your heart, because it comes from Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc, and KrOB, the most honest people in broadcasting.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Almost golden.

No Chat History Available.

November 26, 2014 10:00pm


The urge to listen to good radio programming is equally strong in all children. What really counts for good listening is imagination, not musical knowledge or skilled hearing. You hear whatever comes into your head, the way you want it. It could be classical, hip-hop, jazz or even the Grateful Dead. A lot of people like the Grateful Dead, even girls. A lot of boys enjoy dubstep. It's more exciting than Transformers.

The most important thing is to put the right material in their heads and never, NEVER play the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND for more than 5 minutes before bedtime. The result could be Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Everything is awesome! Except for the part where the station crashes at about 42 minutes into the show, and Karen Carpenter and KrOB are unable to get it back up and running. But they did get an angry email from the Community Authorities the next morning for their efforts, so that's nice.

(original art by Daria)

Chatroom History
November 26, 2014 10:00pm - 11:12pm
Kat Herding: reporting for duty (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: i can't hear anything (10:44pm)
DJ PON-3: We're working on it! (10:46pm)
vj pussycat: thx y'all (10:46pm)
DJ PON-3: Pete and KrOB are still working diligently to fix the problem. (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: thx, i still have it on so i will know when it works again (10:57pm)
DJ PON-3: You can see them on the job below. (10:59pm)
vj pussycat: oh yea, they look super busy (11:11pm)

November 19, 2014 10:00pm


Brave crew of Subspace Radio Valencia, consider the question of existence. These are the questions which man has asked ever since he first gazed at the stars and dreamed. Our ancestors at Pirate Cat Radio and SF Liberation Radio were were ruled by their emotions. They felt with their hearts. They made love with their hearts. They believed with their hearts. And above all else, they believed in a place in which these questions of existence would be answered. Modern dogma tells us this place is a myth, a fantasy concocted by pagans such as Karen Carpenter and Sherilyn Connelly. But it is no fantasy! I tell you, it exists! The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND has been chosen to undertake the greatest adventure of all time...the discovery of the planet CLAKSAARB. It lies beyond the Great Barrier in the heart of the Mission.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: You don't ask the Almighty for his station ID.

Chatroom History
November 19, 2014 10:00pm - 12:30am

UncleHarve: It's not easy.. I'm working hard.. so, you better do the same! (10:02pm)
UncleHarve: don't make a fucking maniac outta me! (10:04pm)
UncleHarve: the guys get shirts! (10:04pm)
Starcraft Service Table: By Grabthar's Hammer, what a savings. (10:12pm)
Starcraft Service Table: i can't wait... (10:14pm)
Starcraft Service Table: wouldn't it be fun if these financial problems were medicinal? (10:17pm)
Starcraft Service Table: On the press junket of Galactic Peace? (10:18pm)
interception: Harve Birdman (10:27pm)
interception: john cusack is in the new cronenberg (10:31pm)
interception: sandra bullock has gravitas? (10:33pm)
interception: why is god angry? (10:35pm)
leonard nimoy: (10:36pm)
leonard nimoy: where kirk goes, we follow (10:36pm)
leonard nimoy: gravitas is foremost on my mind (10:37pm)
leonard nimoy: gorn-met video (10:39pm)
for people who know: and love video (10:40pm)
DJ PON-3: Remember, only men ever buy laserdisc players. (10:41pm)
orson welles: ah, the french... (10:42pm)
kirk is a jerk: kirkin' with gas! (10:47pm)
god is peeeeeerrrrrr: ffffffeeeeeeeeccccccttttttt (10:50pm)
rocket man: i'm a, (10:53pm)
rockford file: i'm a (10:54pm)
,: (go climb a rock) (10:56pm)
colon: parenthesis (10:57pm)
the battle for paradise: fights the battle for peace (10:58pm)
marsh: melloncamp (10:59pm)
how about the b-side: to the nightmare single? (11:00pm)
moar: kroanos (11:07pm)
the air is thin: ner (11:26pm)
i am: glandru (11:30pm)
y: y (11:34pm)
y: thanks for the cool show Getting a Life on Saturday Night Live: (11:34pm)
y: Mike myers mask is Shatners Shatner is the face of Michael Myers face: (11:37pm)
shatner's name is a : killing word (11:41pm)

November 12, 2014 10:00pm


It's difficult to believe, but once upon a time, porn could not be downloaded. Nor could it be watched on certain unscrambled cable channels, or rented from the curtained-off room at the local video store, and it sure as heck couldn't be paused on the good bits and/or fast-forwarded to get the good bits. Instead, aficionados had to go to a movie theater with their fellow degenerates and watch the movie unspool at is own pace, while everyone around them unspooled as well. (Also: gross!) That also meant that patrons had to deal with the music, and a whole vast industry rose up dedicated to providing the soundtracks to all the humpin', pumpin', and suckin'. (Again, also: gross!) But a great deal of that music never made it to the screen, so tonight on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, ace musicologists Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB will present some of the best of Unreleased 1970s Porn Music. Finally, the great works by these great artists will find their release. (Also again, once more: gross!)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: This ain't your father's boom-chicka-wow-wow, because he never heard it. (And, your father watching porn? Guh-ross!)

Chatroom History
November 12, 2014 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: holy shit I've never heard hunger on the air before! (10:00pm)
vj pussycat: thx Juan rapido - love that hunger record (10:00pm)
DJDEADHAIR: What is this epic riff? (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: the hot look up here in Truckee is the dickduster (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: check the listener pics (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: that's Uresky sporting the grey dickduster (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: I'm sorry. She's outta control. She hasn't mentioned we have a gun to her head (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: she's corrupted (10:43pm)
nexus006: Hey now NHLG. (10:45pm)
vj pussycat: sorry. that wasn't even cheap entertainment (10:45pm)

November 5, 2014 10:00pm


Here's a promise from NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND you can take to the bank... this will be the greatest radio show you will ever hear! Featured on this Wednesday will be LIVE IN-STUDIO PERFORMANCES from Skrillex, Garrison Keillor, Bono, Neil deGrass Tyson, Weird Al, The Artist, Berlin Philharmonic, Blind Boys of Alabama, Equestria Girls, narrated by Edward James Olmos and The Entire San Francisco Fire Department! Conceived in a fever of a creative cyclone by Karen Carpenter, curated by Sherilyn Connelly, and produced by Puzzling Evidence, it is the nee plus ultra for the next generation!

Honestly, we don't know how you could even think we would not tell the truth. After all, this is the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: More perfect than perfection itself.

Dr. Fiasco: The statement is what? Please run this by me one more time. (10:03pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Those bagpipes actually sound nice, which is almost always a false statement (10:06pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I guess this is KrOB (10:28pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I voted for the sugar tax. (10:35pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Where's Bob Marc? (10:36pm)
y: because (11:44pm)
y: telestial teasonings. I was almost a slerp. (11:46pm)
y: Harry Shearer in Nixon's The One - Pilot (Episode%u2026: (11:52pm)

October 29, 2014 10:00pm


What is the TRUE ORIGIN of Halloween? Where did it come from? Did you know Yeshua the Messiah was born nowhere NEAR October 31, but that it was the "birth day" of the sun-god, "Sol Invictus" or "Mithras," also known as "Karen Carpenter," "Bob-Marc," "Sherilyn Connelly," and "KrOB?" Did you know October 31 is not only the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, but also the concluding day of the pagan winter festival called the "Saturnalia"? Where did "The Great Pumpkin" come from? The "Jack O'Lantern"? How did this pagan feast become connected with "Christianity"? Here is an amazing "whale of a tale"!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Halloween is pagan. There is no doubt about it. The question is: What are you going to do about it?

Chatroom History
October 29, 2014 10:00pm - 12:30am
vj pussycat: Hi y'all. What movie is this music from? (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: Uresky says it's Halloween (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: We're listening to the SF police audio feed simultaneously with NHLG (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: 04/web (10:12pm)
I'm not seeing anything. Are you okay? Have you been destroyed over? : is there any body. there? (10:23pm)
Karen Carpenter: nope (10:23pm)
Karen Carpenter: too scary (10:23pm)
I'm not seeing anything. Are you okay? Have you been destroyed over?: Okay .this is different than the one on the flying saucer (10:25pm)
I'm not seeing anything. Are you okay? Have you been destroyed over?: my friend said that they used to put kids in a basket and chant until they explode. i figured i was drunk when he said it so it must be true. whenever ever we were at the restaurant they would clap their hands on someone's birthday. we'd always get a bit nervous. we'd cover our Food a bit but no one ever exploded. (10:31pm)
cowface: mo0o (10:32pm)
I'm not seeing anything. Are you okay? Have you been destroyed over?: himpshaw (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: this one's pretty good: (11:31pm)
himpshaw: (11:36pm)
himpshaw: (11:48pm)

BLACK-EYED CHILDREN, Tonight on Radio Valencia!
October 22, 2014 10:00pm


Won't someone think about the children? Evil-to-the-bone listener Kat Herding had a think, and now shares these tender little ragamuffins with the you. Wot?/Why? Oh no..., answers do not come easy when the subjects seem so innocent, blameless, indeed quiltless. So they seem, the small ones meaning no harm, just seeking mac&cheese and the empty center of your lost soul.

Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and DJ Deadhair don't know what else to call them. Kids? Our future? The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is their portal to this waking world.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Your turn to put them to bed.

Chatroom History
October 22, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Kat Herding: invite me in! (10:02pm)
vj pussycat: oh yea, and hi NHLG (10:10pm)
Kat Herding: invite me inside! (10:24pm)
nexus006: Krob, Sherelyn, Karen....Are you out there? I'm holding on to this teather, but my strength is fading....can you guys pull me back in...? (10:40pm)
Kat Herding: invite me in. (10:48pm)
Aslan: Great show tonight (10:50pm)
nexus006: The Buzzer..... (10:54pm)
Kat Herding: yay! (11:02pm)
Kat Herding: WEIRD on the WELL (11:02pm)
vj pussycat: what the hell have you been doing? (11:03pm)
vj pussycat: I thought they were dead (11:04pm)
vj pussycat: what did you do with alan b?! (11:05pm)
nexus006: Hey I'm here.... (11:06pm)
nexus006: I'm not skinny but I have better hair than Mia Farrow.... (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: we're waxing bottles of beer and making our friend uretsky listen (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: can you explain NHLG to uretsky? (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: he doesn't have a smart phone (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: but Kyle's tuning in and I have you on both my phones (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: Oops we lost him (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: Kyle can't tune in cause he doesn't have a plugin (11:13pm)
vj pussycat: MALACHITE (11:14pm)
smartypants: This always happens. I miss the first five minutes and then I have NO idea what's going on. (11:47pm)
Kat Herding: three-point landing. nice. (12:01am)
vj pussycat: when does your show start (12:34am)
Karen Carpenter: damn good question (12:36am)
vj pussycat: I lost signal for a bit. did I miss it? (12:57am)
vj pussycat: mystery train (1:22am)
vj pussycat: Bad laments (1:28am)
vj pussycat: bad laments (1:28am)
vj pussycat: Badlamenti (1:28am)

October 15, 2014 10:00pm


I don't know what the box is, but I know what it does. I've said all this before. I saw it open. I opened it. I saw who came out: Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB. I don't know what else to call them. Demons. The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is a gateway to hell. I don't know what it's for or who made it, or why. I only know what it does. It hurts.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It'll tear your soul apart.

Gee: Iwonderwhatthethemeis..... (10:04pm)
Kat Herding: is it going to be like last week? (10:04pm)
Dwarves: At least iss not uss (10:04pm)
Kat Herding: I had to be hospitalized after that one. (10:04pm)
Kat Herding: I see you got into the creepy pasta again. (10:05pm)
The Hospital: no u dunt! (10:05pm)
The Demon: The kids just found the echo selection......skuna bee a long shoe (10:06pm)
Kat Herding: pretty little liars? (10:06pm)
Virgin Dairies: ifen u want (10:07pm)
Hi-Fi Living: or, Crosley Breakis (10:08pm)
The Romans: waiting for aboat (10:09pm)
Kat Herding: (10:09pm)
The Romans: The heelll (10:09pm)
The Romans: u say (10:09pm)
JFK: yea, tell me about it all (10:10pm)
Horroor Higher Schooling: was filmed at SMA (10:11pm)
Kat Herding: Martian ships landing in Grovers Mills... (10:11pm)
Puzzle Box Vidence: ain't a prob, "bOb" (10:12pm)
Nose Hair Lint Gland: in THREE words... (10:12pm)
Nose Hair Lint Gland: and of freight (10:12pm)
Kat Herding: prematurely Aryan (10:13pm)
Demons: ? (10:13pm)
Demons: eats Bay Aryans (10:13pm)
Kat Herding: Al Bino Bob (10:14pm)
Demons: FrankenKrOb (10:14pm)
Demons: at Heavens Gate (10:14pm)
Kat Herding: Hale Bopp a rebop (10:14pm)
Demons: listening to Game of Drones (10:15pm)
God : leave me out of it. (10:16pm)
The Devil: Everyone sit down. This could take a while. (10:17pm)
Oh: The Horror, the horrooorrrr the horrrrrrrroooooooorrrrrrrrrroooooooo or (10:17pm)
Kill : for Kali!!! (10:38pm)
Kat Herding: Law & Order: SUV (10:39pm)
The Student Body: Is this on The Quiz? (10:40pm)
nexus006: So we said fuck you man...we're gonna do some gigs. (11:03pm)
Borg9: (11:39pm)
nexus006: Hail King Gidorah (11:41pm)
Borg9: (11:42pm)
Borg9: (11:44pm)
Borg9: Coincidence? (11:46pm)
Borg9: (11:46pm)

October 8, 2014 10:00pm


For there be divers sorts of show -- some wherein the RF broadcast remaineth; and in some it vanisheth quite away with the fevered dream of LPFM. This commonly occurreth only in solitude from the email list (such is God's will) and, none seeing the end, we say the show is lost, or gone to a deep FINAL BROADCAST archive -- which indeed it hath; but sometimes it hath happened and heard by many, as abundant testimony showeth the show was shown or viewed or heard. In this one kind of death the radio signal also dieth, and this it hath been known to do while yet the podcast was in vigor for many years. Sometimes, as is veritably attested, it dieth with the DJs Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB, but after a season is raised up again in that place where the signal did decay.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: After 5 minutes, you're either mad or dead.

exus006: You find yourself at 180 and G...there is no other possibility. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Spooky shit, man. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, fuck Michi-- HEY! (11:00pm)
Alan B.: You fuckers just wish you had water. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Now you won't even let BobMarc on the air. I BLAME SPORTSBALL! (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Congratulations on your team winning the game and junk. (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Did you brick up KrOB in the wall, you animals? (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Persecuting theists and people who don't give a fuck about post-season baseball. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Break out the wine bowls. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Suck it out of a washcloth. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Requesting "Walt Disney's Spooky Sounds of the Haunted House." (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Shove him into the vat of Marmsey, instead. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: I'm just a Poe boy, nobody loves me. . . (11:12pm)
Alan B.: What a silly soliloquy. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: I can't hear Puzzling Evidence anymore because his podcast isn't updated and his KPFA show fell off the severs. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: Mood is wrong. MOOD IS WRONG. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: Actually, you have a femotcell. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, Nexus006 is taking over my role as most annoying listener. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: In telecommunications, a femtocell is a small, low-power cellular base station, typically designed for use in a home or small business. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: That we beat. (11:17pm)
vj pussycat: you could call in too (11:17pm)
Alan B.: No, Sherilyn hates me or something. (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: ; ) (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Hi, VJ! (11:18pm)
Alan B.: G'nite, Nexus006! (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: HI ALAN b! (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, it worked out great when I called H.A.L's show and bothered that poor girl about decrepit punk rock relics. (11:18pm)
Alan B.: I don't know what I did to Sherilyn besides be super annoying and creepy. (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: mike watt is not decrepit (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: maybe that's enough (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: construction talk!!! (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: don't catch his hair on fire (11:20pm)
Alan B.: I know, he was fucking awesome with his new band, Il Sogno Del Marinaro. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Mike Watt is great. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: He never kills anyone in a catacomb with a femtocell. (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Death by giant pendulum. (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: he is. missed that tour - they were just in sf, but wanted to go (11:21pm)
Alan B.: He said in Detroit that this was his 65th tour. I guess fIREHOSE would do three tours a year. (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: ebola, what a great halloween treat (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: drivin econo, you know it (11:23pm)
Alan B.: George Carlin-rape CAN be funny (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Il Sogno Del Marinaio feat. Mike Watt Cooking Show Pt.1 (11:24pm)
Alan B.: ^^^^ Spoilers: Andrea is making pasta. (11:25pm)
vj pussycat: gee thx. i'll watch these later (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Well, you know what I say about Poe . . . if it ain't baroque, don't fix it. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Waka waka!! (11:27pm)
Alan B.: You're welcome! (11:27pm)
Alan B.: It is curiously pleasant to watch these guys cook pasta together. (11:27pm)
vj pussycat: did it make you hungry? (11:28pm)
Alan B.: It made me want to try to cook home-made pasta. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: But I can't eat it, because my wife has me on a 10-day cleanse. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: No carbs, no sugars. Only small amounts of lean meat, raw vegetables, and protien shakes. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: I wish someone would kill me in a catacomb. (11:29pm)
vj pussycat: cheese? (11:33pm)
Alan B.: None. I wanna die. (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: i would too (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: glwt (11:34pm)
Alan B.: I comfort myself with my photo of me and Mike Watt, taken at Detroit's Majestic. =0 (11:34pm)
Alan B.: Wait, bad link. (11:34pm)
Alan B.: (11:35pm)
Alan B.: There ya go. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: My photo helps me make it through the remaining eight days of suffering. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: Thanks for your pity. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: That's fucking hysterical. (11:40pm)
Alan B.: Thanks, Pete. (11:40pm)
vj pussycat: nice photo alan b (11:40pm)
Alan B.: Thanks, vj! (11:41pm)
Alan B.: I was deleriously happy. (11:41pm)
Alan B.: dileriously? (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Really happy. (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: how come bob marc didn't go see mike watt's new band a couple weeks ago? (11:41pm)
Alan B.: He was up a river. (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: me too bob marc (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: oh yea (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Bob Marc was doing art on a river. (11:42pm)
vj pussycat: i saw fIREHOSE at slims two years ago (11:43pm)
Alan B.: Jesus, that's awful. (11:43pm)
Alan B.: I know people that has happened to. It is a disaster. (11:43pm)
Alan B.: I don't go to a lot of shows, but I wanted to see this show a lot. (11:44pm)
vj pussycat: shoulda went. it was incredible. (11:44pm)
vj pussycat: i missed sebadoh last night : ( (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: i love live music (11:45pm)
Alan B.: I know! But it is often a hassle. I live in a college town, and I hate being the old guy at the back. (11:45pm)
Alan B.: And everyone goes on about the good sound at The Blind Pig here, but is really sucks. (11:46pm)
vj pussycat: fuck that. be the old guy at the front (11:46pm)
Alan B.: No one seems to understand how to mix sound here. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, I do that, sometimes. (11:46pm)
vj pussycat: have you been lately? (11:46pm)
vj pussycat: maybe it's better now (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: haha (11:47pm)
Alan B.: Yep. (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: your show ends soon (11:48pm)
Alan B.: But I loved the sound at the Mike Watt show. (11:48pm)
vj pussycat: well, wth (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Puzz Ev! I need to get my shit together and listen to the KPFA show again, (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Now that Philo has figured out how to post HQ show. (11:48pm)
vj pussycat: i almost always listen to that one (11:48pm)
vj pussycat: not as fun without a chatterbox (11:49pm)
Alan B.: I would have gone to see mc chris, but it was TONIGHT and I spent it with my daughter, learning about how to get her into college. (11:50pm)
vj pussycat: strike that. not as interactive i should say (11:50pm)
Alan B.: I am never up for the Puzz Ev show, it's on when I'm going to work at 8 a.m. here. (11:50pm)
vj pussycat: you are old (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Yes. Old. (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: stupid time zones (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: who is mc chris (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Sometimes Philo is looking at the Facebook page, or you could call in. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: I heart drugs - mc chris (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: i do post on the fb page sometimes. only when it is imperative to respond (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: and philo will see it the next day (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Fette's Vette - mc chris (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: ok ok, my watch later list is getting too long now (11:53pm)
Alan B.: Puzzling Evidence, breaking all the fucking podcast rules. (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I'll lay off, show's over anyway. (11:53pm)
vj pussycat: except the 7 words rule (11:54pm)
vj pussycat: get outta there!!!!!!!!!! (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: thx for the links alan b (11:55pm)
Alan B.: You are so nice, vj. Have a good week!! (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: thank you alan b. you too! (11:56pm)
vj pussycat: now get outta there (11:56pm)
Alan B.: THE HANDOFF IS ALL (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Showy show show (11:58pm)
vj pussycat: your show starts now (12:00am)
vj pussycat: now (12:00am)
Alan B.: G'nite, folks, catch you on the podcast. (12:00am)

October 1, 2014 10:00pm


When Sherilyn worked at the Video Zone in Fresno as a teenager, both the Horror section and the Adult section were on the same side of the store. When it came time to assign who would be straightening what shelves at the end of the night, whoever would get that side of the store would inevitably refer to it as "From Horror to Whore," because hilarity.

Of course, in these more enlightened days, we now know the proper terminology would be "From Horror to Sex Worker," or "From Horror to Pleasure Activist" if you're feeling especially crunchy. In any event, on tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB kick off a month-long series of horrible horrorshows with an examination of the intersection of sex and horror, especially as it involves men in masks slashing up teenagers who've just got it on.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The Boogeyman is real, and he has the 8-10 slot.

Alan B. : I'm fighting sleep, but I'm here. (10:29pm)
Dr. Penny: It's a rubber of life b/c it breaks so easily. (10:37pm)
Alan B. : Happily, I missed Mr. Rapido's show. (10:57pm)
Alan B. : I request the Venom ID for my BIRTHDAY. (11:01pm)
Alan B. : Lowest number of in-show posts ever. (11:19pm)
Alan B. : I hate horror movies. (11:29pm)
Alan B. : My ex girlfriend made me go to them. (11:30pm)
Alan B. : I saw (11:31pm)
Alan B. : all of them (11:31pm)
Alan B. : from 1982 (11:31pm)
Alan B. : to 1988. (11:31pm)
Alan B. : When does the whore part start? (11:36pm)

September 24, 2014 10:00pm


Dreams come in two main categories: 1) Dreams and 2) Horrible nightmares.

Non-nightmare dreams come in two categories: 1) Dreams and 2) Sightly disturbing, mildly upsetting, frustrating, confusing and contradicting dreams.

Non-nightmare/non-mildly disturbing dreams come in two categories: 1) Dreams and 2) Sex dreams with an unmistakable experience of sexual thoughts and/or actions, often hasty, out-of-control, with the wrong person or species, and result in embarrassment and a problematic residue.

Non-nightmare/non-mildly disturbing/non-sex dreams come in two categories: 1) Dreams and 2) Non-dreams, or nothing, void, emptiness, blankness, oblivion.

Non-nightmare/non-mildly disturbing/non-sex/non-non-dreams come in two categories: 1) Actual, genuine dreamy dreams of happiness, contentment, pure love, camaraderie, shared pleasures and bliss and 2) Daydreams, because you're awake and nominally in charge of your mind, moron.

This comprehensive summary of dreaming possibilities makes it quite clear that your chance of having an actual and pleasurable dreamy dream is quite rare. Which leads us to wonder why they are called "dreams", when they are more often than not an uncontrolled cyclone of unrelated irrelevant thoughts and emotions. So for tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, highly experienced somnambulists Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc and KrOB will create, modify or misappropriate a new name for that nighttime nonsense we can't control, can't understand and can't seem to keep to ourselves. Seems like a useful exercise.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Grab the Nyquil, the Sleeper awakes!

Alan B. : Putting the "more" back in Morrissey. (10:09pm)
Alan B. : Suicide - Dream Baby Dream (10:15pm)
Alan B. : Do I even need to say "Roy Orbison?" Thank you. (10:18pm)
Alan B. : I was moved to look this up and I will listen later (10:20pm)
Alan B. : Karen isn't dead! (10:20pm)
Alan B. : It's a dream come true! (10:20pm)
Alan B. : JINX! (10:21pm)
Alan B. : THE FUCKING DREAM TEAM! (10:21pm)
Alan B. : The old Contac formulation was awesome for dreams. (10:23pm)
Alan B. : Dream Police - Cheap Trick (10:26pm)
Alan B. : A penis with a steering wheel at both ends. (10:29pm)
Alan B. : A dirty, dirty hose. (10:29pm)
Alan B. : I dream of Rocktober. (10:31pm)
Alan B. : Representing your fan, I approve of the show direction. (10:31pm)
Alan B. : The first Hellraiser was pretty awesome. (10:32pm)
Alan B. : But I prefer Phantasm. (10:32pm)
Alan B. : Had a caine filled Kool with my man Rush Rush Saw my teeth fall in the sink when I started to brush (10:33pm)
Alan B. : Thanks! (10:39pm)
Alan B. : C'mon, you KNOW you want to play Roy O. (10:51pm)
DJDEADHAIR: (10:51pm)
DJDEADHAIR: >>click the link<< (10:51pm)
Alan B. : I did ! (10:51pm)
Alan B. : They'll pay you $100 to stop playing it. (10:52pm)
Alan B. : BobMarc is so cute when he don't know the thing. (10:56pm)
DJDEADHAIR: (10:58pm)
Alan B. : Since the novel version of Blade Runner was "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" I declare that soundtrack to be fair game. (10:58pm)
Alan B. : Nawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. (10:59pm)
Alan B. : He is not afraid of long hoses. (11:01pm)
Alan B. : I think this show needs more ham. (11:08pm)
DJDEADHAIR: Yes!! I love that song. (11:08pm)
Alan B. : ORBISON (11:09pm)
I'd say there is a certain mindset that needs to be jettisoned in order to fully appreciate the dream world . It's odd that we hold on to our anxieties while asleep when there is really no real threat. : Emotions float around in our heads while we're dozing and they work their way into our fantasy life. Most of getting lost can be a fear of our future direction and how to get there (11:26pm)
I'd say there is a certain mindset that needs to be jettisoned in order to fully appreciate the dream world . It's odd that we hold on to our anxieties while asleep when there is really no real threat. : Emotions float around in our heads while we're dozing and they work their way into our fantasy life. Most of getting lost can be a fear of our future direction and how to get there (11:26pm)
Try an audio recorder by your bed.: try an audio recorder by your bed. (11:33pm)
Alan B. : Just wokeup. See ya guys! (11:55pm)

September 17, 2014 10:00pm


"Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunk Christian."

The white whale looms from the depths of your subconscious, haunting your distracted thoughts. It envelopes your sleepless nights growing larger , heavier, crowding out all other motivations and goals . The white whale is your obsession, nothing else matters, you focus on the white whale with laser guided precision. . What is this white whale, is it a force of good or evil. Perhaps the whale is neither, it is neutral and the good or evil is in how you act to attain your goal, to fulfill your obsession. What is your white whale?

On tonight's FINAL BROADCAST OF NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen "Ahab" Carpenter, Sherilyn "Queequeg" Connelly , Bob "Starbuck" Marc with the help of fellow crew members "Ishmael" KrOB and EXPLORE OBSESSION and those who sacrifice greatly to reach their own personal; NIRVANA.
All who stand in our way shall perish. Also, KrOB and Sherilyn pin the living shit out of the meters.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men."

Karen Carpenter: Nice clean opening... well done. (10:00pm)
Alan B.: I missed it! (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Demerit! (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Aaaaaand they unplugged the board again, (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Get well, Karen!! (10:10pm)
Alan B.: WE LOVE MRS KAREN! (10:11pm)
Alan B.: 1000 PERCENT LESS SNARK (10:12pm)
Alan B.: How do we do it? VOLUME! (10:12pm)
Alan B.: GOODBYE, MRS KAREN! (10:13pm)
Dr. Penny: The little mrs. (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: whatever you do karen, don't eat that ham sandwich (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Sherilyn. I am honored. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: I thought about it and I don't want to punch anybody. (10:14pm)
KrOB?: tell Mrs. to speak closer to the mike and give Bob-Marc a demerit for not fixing it for her. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: I would have trolled ham operators, too, if I hadn't been a huge pussy. (10:15pm)
vj pussycat: maybe she dpesn't have a mic condom (10:15pm)
vj pussycat: i can hear her fine anyway (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Was there a ceremonial burning of the Karen Carpenter mic? (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: karen germs (10:16pm)
Aslan: *(&^&*%^%#$^$(^_ (10:16pm)
KrOB?: ponton is racist (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: to who? (10:17pm)
KrOB?: poontangs (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Oregonians. (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: like herzog (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Ponton or pontoon styling refers to a 1930s%u20131960s design genre%u2014ultimately the precursor of modern automotive styling. (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: does not compute (10:20pm)
Alan B.: The Langenscheidt German-English dictionary defines Pontonkarrosserie as "all-enveloping bodywork, straight through side styling, slab sided styling. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: you sure got some perty lips (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Is this contractor talk? (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: bigfoot rubs his ass - i think not (10:25pm)
Alan B.: "Whiteman Meets Bigfoot." (10:26pm)
Alan B.: That's who that was! (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: it totally sounded like you (10:31pm)
Dr. Penny: BobMarc, the Mission Martian! (10:31pm)
Alan B.: It's Moby Dick. (10:32pm)
Aslan: diggin it.... (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Mrs. Karen has an awesome radio voice. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Work work. Workworkwork. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: FUCK OFF SWEDEN!!!!! (10:36pm)
Aslan: love this song. I'm doing creative work right now and this augment my consciousness. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Cooool. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: The Interent hates Karen. (10:39pm)
KrOB?: tooooo sickkkkkk (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: he has the technology (10:40pm)
Alan B.: He has the wrong password or port. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Welcome, hackers. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: We have the technology (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: it was like two or three weeks ago (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Dave Thomas of Pere Ubu and I probably have the same belt size. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Nice Styx pull, you guys. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Droplets of love. (10:51pm)
Alan B.: "I'm young and healthy." Mrs. Karen (10:52pm)
Alan B.: H.A.L. ucinnations (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Index Case: (10:55pm)
Alan B.: How are we doing out here in the audience? VJ, Aslan, Dr. Penny? Are we hale and hearty? (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Nitrous oxide . . . the best thing for your immune system. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: ICH HASSE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN!\inetpub\cms\ images\gross\pict1045.jpg&h=250&w= 250 (10:58pm)
Karen Carpenter: Mrs. tell them about our X-Men thingie now (10:58pm)
Alan B.: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! (10:59pm)
Alan B.: (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I love the flange effect of the two Venoms. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Including the French. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Will it kick my balls off? (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Just because (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Karen is withdrawing further into isolation. (11:04pm)
Karen Carpenter: even Lucifer just wanted to be left alone (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Add to cart: (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Usually leaves our warehouse in 1 business day (11:05pm)
Alan B.: (11:06pm)
Alan B.: He was invited by the "cool kids" to hang out at some kids house whose liberal parents had left for the weekend. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: My brother, always a moral and thoughtful individual, wanted to attend because it was one of those massive house parties that he'd never been to. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Well, as was later recalled by some of his friends at the party, he was pressured into smoking marijuana. He ended up smoking the entire pack of marijuana cigarettes. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Not long after he went into convulsions and started foaming at the mouth. The people at the party held back calling 9/11 for almost 10 minutes. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: When the paramedics finally arrived they could do nothing to save him. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: The autopsy revealed he had 3 times the lethal dosage of blood in his THC. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: But I'm sure everyone here will deny my story and the fact that my brother died after smoking that illegal narcotic. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: (11:09pm)
Alan B.: KrOB, that is a family favorite. (11:13pm)
Karen Carpenter: (11:18pm)
Alan B.: It's like karaoke on the brain injury ward. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: If this is what you get to watch when you are home sick for three weeks, I'm gonna start sucking on doorknobs. (11:21pm)
Alan B.: I wanna hear about the X-Men thingie. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: I'm so glad BobMarc's back, the pandering is at a record high level. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: And no ham radio jamming. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: X-men thingie (11:29pm)
Alan B.: X-men thingie (11:29pm)
Alan B.: X-men thingie (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Dr. H.AL. told us that the Man was a collossus that fell on its face when ignited. (11:30pm)
Alan B.: BONE ROCKS (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Read it all. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: HIGHLY recommended for young readers: Larry Marder's Tales of the Beanworld (11:36pm)
Alan B.: Better link: (11:36pm)
Alan B.: Well done w/Kane mutiny. (11:40pm)
Alan B.: Or maybe not. Wait: (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Fuck, the chatboard can't parse the space in the URL. (11:41pm)
Alan B.: (11:42pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ There we go. (11:42pm)
Alan B.: Where's Nexus666? (11:45pm)
Alan B.: I need to catch up on 6 hours of Puzz Ev (11:47pm)
Alan B.: David , dnde estn mis cigarrillos ? (11:48pm)
Alan B.: David , o sont mes cigarettes ? (11:48pm)
Alan B.: David , waar is my sigarette ? (11:49pm)
Alan B.: %u5927%u536B%u90A3%u91CC%u662F%u6211 %u7684%u70DF%u5462%uFF1F (11:49pm)
Alan B.: David , kie estas miaj cigaredojn ? (11:49pm)
Alan B.: David , wo sind meine Zigaretten ? (11:49pm)
Alan B.: David , qhov twg yog kuv luam yeeb? (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Thanks for doing show, Mrs. Karen! (11:51pm)
Alan B.: A starfleet officer. That guy. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Goodnight, all. (11:56pm)

September 10, 2014 10:00pm


It's been thirty years since Negativland hosted the second semi-biannual International Jammer's Convention, and since it's looking like the white-haired gentleman over at KPFA won't be getting around to it anytime soon, it's up to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to commemorate the occasion! Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB will overlook all views of the past few decades of jamming at once, roam the booths and displays, talk to FCC representative and law enforcement personnel (the FCC always comes with local law enforcement, it's a thing they do), and of course make plenty of delicious jam. This has got to be the worst programming you've heard on Radio Valencia ever.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: What we're doing is mind-jamming.

Chatroom History
September 10, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am
Alan B.: I like how Adbusters helped the FBI organize nearly every political activist into a neat database. (10:02pm)
Alan B.: Max Headroom WTTW Pirating Incident - 11/22/87 (Subtitled) (10:04pm)
Alan B.: "I Know We Won" - Abbie Speaks (10:10pm)
Alan B.: "I Know We Won" - Abbie Speaks (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Fountain (M. Duchamp, 1917) (10:12pm)
Alan B.: "The creative act is not performed by the artist alone; the spectator brings the work in contact with the external world by deciphering and interpreting its inner qualifications and thus adds his contribution to the creative act." (10:13pm)
Alan B.: think it was in the last days of March, 1848, that the proprietor of Chat, in conjunction with the editor and Pond, controved to perpetrate a vile hoax upon Her Majesty%u2019s lieges. Read more at (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Radio Mart vs. Cuban Jammer on 7365 and 6030 kHz (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Back in the 1700s, two science professors created the world's first fossil hoax to prank a religious colleague (10:25pm)
Alan B.: BobMarc is on the longest vacation ever. (10:26pm)
BobMarc: I slept on a boat for a month straight floating down the Willamette Riverr (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Demerits! (10:28pm)
BobMarc: Yea I expect (10:28pm)
BobMarc: Oh wait I wasn't sleeping the whole time (10:29pm)
BobMarc: Anyway it was fun (10:30pm)
KrOB?: turn up roboDJ (10:31pm)
Alan B.: What kind of monster picks on ham radio geeks? (10:31pm)
Alan B.: I mean, they just talk incessantly about their antennas, and when there is a flood, they let everyone know there is a flood. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Kalle Lasn is an Estonian-Canadian film maker, author, magazine editor and activist. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: He is the co-founder of Adbusters magazine and author of the books Culture Jam and Design Anarchy and is the co-founder of the Adbusters Media Foundation, which owns the magazine. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: He reportedly started Adbusters after an epiphany that there was something profoundly wrong with consumerism. It happened in a supermarket parking lot. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Frustrated (10:37pm)
Alan B.: (10:37pm)
Alan B.: In his first book, Culture Jam, Lasn portrays consumerism as the fundamental evil of the modern era. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Later. (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: Hi. What happened to Karen? (10:48pm)
Karen Carpenter: syphilis of the soul (11:06pm)
vj pussycat: hi karen. syphilis eh? nasty stuff (11:07pm)
Karen Carpenter: brain cloud (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: wifi required (11:07pm)
Karen Carpenter: high stool (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: otta get my jam on (11:18pm)
Karen Carpenter: it's hard to believe jamming is sociably acceptable (11:47pm)
Sesame Street alien: now go to sleep, Tommy. (11:58pm)

September 3, 2014 10:00pm


- In 2013 the U.S consumed 629,716 tons of steel nails. If all that many nails were melted down and cast into a block of solid steel, the block would cover the area of a football field to a depth of 45'.
- 21% of the nails used in the U.S. were produced in the U.S.; the rest were imported.
- Five countries account for 2/3 of the nails imported by the U.S.: China (28%), Taiwan (16%), Korea (11%), UAE (6%), and Vietnam (6%).
- 75% of the nails produced in the U.S. were collated.
- 88% of the nails produced in the U.S. were bright (no finish).
- By weight, 66% of the collated nails produced in the U.S. were commons, 3% were finish nails, and 23% were pallet nails.
- 10 companies account for nearly all U.S. nail production; the major producers with plants in this country are: Mid Continent Nail Corporation, ITW, Pneu-Fast, Senco, and Stanley Black & Decker.
- The leading U.S. producer is Mid Continent Nail. Their plant is located in Poplar Bluff, Missouri.
- USITC documents refer to "short tons" of nails. A short ton is 2,000 pounds. A "long ton", a measurement used in the U.K. before the switch to metric, is 2,240 pounds.
- With both Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc hammering out danger elsewhere, this FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is left up to Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Pay attention, or you are screwed.

Chatroom History
September 3, 2014 10:00pm - 12:30am
Alan B.: I've missed the theme, not that it matters. . . (10:02pm)
Alan B.: But I like this! (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Is that fucking Bad Lieutenant? Fuck yeah. (10:04pm)
Alan B.: So this is what it is like to be uninvited. Uh huh. (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Harvey Keitel!! (10:05pm)
Alan B.: That's a drop-in. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: "I'm too fucking weak!" -- Motto of NHLG (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Can you post the theme link? I like to read them. Thnx (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Nvr mnd found it (10:10pm)
Alan B.: For the loss of a nail, a horse was lost. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Okay, that was lovely c&p. I don't like reading 'em no more. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: The head is important (10:16pm)
Alan B.: This boy keeps saying head and I feel . . funny . . . (10:17pm)
Alan B.: ... healed head bad. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: IT'S A GAS! (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Music for Nitrous Oxide (10:25pm)
Alan B.: (10:25pm)
Alan B.: The Jesus Who Didn't Get Nailed (10:31pm)
Alan B.: And boom boom, out go the lights. Take it easy. (11:04pm)
nexus006: Bim Bam Boom (11:07pm)

August 27, 2014 10:00pm


It happens every year around this time: there's a lot more parking in San Francisco, and yet far fewer drugs. Nobody knows why, and it's a mystery that will be poked and prodded and cracked and inhaled on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly (with possible narcs KrOB and Puzzling Evidence) will get to the bottom of this whole drug scene, and will include authentic field recordings of DEPRAVED TEENS IN "GROOVY" DRUG ORGIES. Also, whipped cream may be made on air, because it's wholesome and delicious.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Drugs are bad, mmmkay? (And, for unknown reasons -- probably DRUGS -- about 45 minutes of the show are missing from the first hour.)

Alan B.: Aww, my stream just died? (10:02pm)
KrOB?: count your blessings (10:04pm)
Sesame Street alien: Your market didn't sell enough tickets, so it's blacked out. (10:04pm)
Alan B.: That I believe. (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Nope, neither on PC nor RV app. Dead. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: I'm sad! (10:07pm)
Alan B.: VLC won't open it, either. Rats. (10:11pm)
KrOB?: ok working on it (10:13pm)
KrOB?: we're bringing a new klystron to the top of the tower right now (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Back up. (10:14pm)
Sesame Street alien: Admit it, you were all just sitting there in the studio laughing your asses off at us. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Riven with regret. (10:14pm)
Sesame Street alien: And this could have been your boldest experimental show yet. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: John Cage's 120" (10:16pm)
Sesame Street alien: One in which no one was talking over anyone, or playing sound collages out of turn. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Perfect order. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Is he wearing teh gold lame hoof covers? (10:17pm)
Alan B.: And its down again. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: How am I going to learn how to do drugs? (10:17pm)
Alan B.: SPOOOOON! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Neil Young - Needle and the Damage Done (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Seals And Crofts ~ Summer Breeze (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Fuck Burning Man (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Ministry - Just One Fix- (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Burning Man (10:28pm)
Alan B.: (10:29pm)
nexus006: You kids are still up....isn't this a school night?? (10:38pm)
Perfect Timing: Herbert.... Herbert! (10:52pm)
Perfect Timing: I'm slow. (10:53pm)
Perfect Timing: but you knew this. (10:53pm)
nexus006: Throw this into the mix. (10:54pm)
Perfect Timing: Hey, I have one of those. (10:58pm)
Perfect Timing: Oh... "Leaf"... (10:58pm)
Perfect Timing: nevermind. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: I fell asleep. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Glandru. (11:01pm)
nexus006: Rolled Tight Shut (11:12pm)
Perfect Timing: People... Do not do the green goofballs! (11:12pm)
Perfect Timing: Ooomph Sisss Oooomp Sisss Oooomp Sisss (11:16pm)
nexus006: Do they have Tail Gunner in the Burning Bloke arcade? (11:18pm)
nexus006: Never been to Burning Chap....waiting for the casino/resort to open. (11:24pm)
Perfect Timing: BMIR, probably (11:25pm)
Perfect Timing: Burning Man is best experienced in Reno... Playing blackjack and banging working girls... Or so I've been told. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Musssst. Sleeeeeeep. Cheers and have a good week. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: OUT. (11:27pm)
nexus006: Was invited to bonfire in 1988 (11:33pm)
nexus006: Went to see Clint Eastwood's Bird instead .... Realized years later that was the early Burning dude... (11:38pm)
Kat Herding: good girls do bad things (11:39pm)
Kat Herding: ...sometimes (11:39pm)
Kat Herding: I came here for the k-pop (11:42pm)
Perfect Timing: Schroedinger? (11:44pm)
Perfect Timing: Or Schroeder? (11:44pm)
Perfect Timing: I always get them mixed up... (11:44pm)
Perfect Timing: Someone put Snoopy in a toy piano and we don't know if he's dead or alive? (11:44pm)
Perfect Timing: Bad movies? (11:47pm)
Perfect Timing: Jewy flashbacks.... (11:51pm)
Perfect Timing: I have no quarters.... (11:53pm)
Perfect Timing: I'm in the arcade and I have no quarters... (11:53pm)
nexus006: (11:56pm)
Perfect Timing: Who are the people in your neighborhood? (11:56pm)
Perfect Timing: Stop these Bar Mitzvah flashbacks! (11:57pm)

August 20, 2014 10:00pm


Class, please take your seats, you'll find your name on your desk. OK, welcome back to school! We are all super excited to see you back! Now normally we would begin second grade with the new lessons, but it seems some very important things have been forgotten over the summer break. Let's go over these briefly right now:

- Lice exist. Having lice is nothing to be ashamed of, you are actually giving life! Now use this shampoo to kill them.
- Cooties do not exist, but calling out the victims of cooties makes you the oppressor. Write on the board 100 times, "I'm sorry I said you have cooties. You have lice."

- The First Amendment to the United States Constitution provides that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof ..." and Article VI specifies that "no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States". Do you know what that means, children? That's OK, the Supreme Court doesn't know either.

Listen up, children! We are going to work on these 2 or 3 things until we get them right. It make take more than a day, but you must know them before you can advance. These are really quite important lessons, kids. Oh, and you four sitting there in the back... yes, Karen, KrOB, Sherilyn and Puzz.... please report to the principal's office. Sorry, you'll have to miss the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND because of what was written in the chatbox.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Radio schooled at home.

Chatroom History
August 20, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: It's the Holocaust, Charlie Brown! (10:18pm)
Alan B.: (I was busy before, sue me.) (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Diseases of Yore by MC Frontalot (10:19pm)
Alan B.: What the fuck? (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Shalom Auslander, Holocaust Tips for Kids and Smite the Heathens, Charlie Brown (10:21pm)
Alan B.: A Charlie Brown Nuclear Holocaust (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Isn't Pierce Brosnan 400 years old? (10:22pm)
Alan B.: (10:24pm)
Alan B.: ^^ Synaptic Seepage is a super leet linkdump maintained by toxick, aco, chill, inky and nosmo. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: The November Man (10:25pm)
Alan B.: When I got my vasectomy, I was front and center, smelling by cauterized vas deferens. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: They strap you to the table. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: It doesn't smell pretty. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Did you get payed by the "cavort?" (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Shat! (10:30pm)
Alan B.: (10:30pm)
Alan B.: (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Has Been (10:31pm)
Alan B.: (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Well, that's it. I ruined the show. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Pete Seeger "What Did You Learn At School Today" 1964 (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Folk music theme. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I liked that photo of KrOB in front of the Elvis "That's The Way It Is" poster, but I couldn't "like" it. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Serendipity~ (10:36pm)
Alan B.: I wish I could share the Elvis love. But I don't. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Backstage with Elvis . . . a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers . . . jam it in your fuckin' eyeballs. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Elvis got it all. Riches, fame and died young and pretty, while the rest of us cowards trudge on to old age. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: You ever feel sorry for neckbeards (10:47pm)
Alan B.: I shave that fucker ever. Single.Day. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Nope. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: (10:48pm)
Alan B.: .Fet Talk (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Yo soy Groot (10:52pm)
Alan B.: (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Pee on the playa (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Before I explain just how ridiculous the spending habits of these baby billionaires have become, let%u2019s go over the rules of Burning Man: (10:57pm)
Alan B.: You bring your own place to sleep (often a tent), (10:57pm)
Alan B.: food to eat (often ramen noodles) (10:57pm)
Alan B.: nd the strangest clothing possible for the week (often not much). (10:57pm)
Alan B.: While drugs are technically illegal, they are easier to find than candy on Halloween. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Selling things to people is also a strict no-no. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Hitler Plans Burning Man (10:58pm)
Alan B.: 24 Hours at Burning Man 2013 (11:03pm)
Alan B.: (11:04pm)
Alan B.: So, the obvious next step is the wealthy tech fucks actually shooting attendees. (11:04pm)
Alan B.: What kind of lifestyle should I adopt? (11:05pm)
Alan B.: If you don't have 100 million dollars, you can't understand Burning Man. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: I-N-S-T-Ah-Graaam (11:08pm)
Alan B.: If you don't have 100 million dollars, you can't understand banjos. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Says the comedianne who has made a forturne off of being a self-hating Jew. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: This version of "Hey Jude" makes it actually suck less. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: This version of "Yesterday" makes it actually suck less. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: This version of "Yesterday" makes NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND actually suck less. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Anal sex song teim. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Carnal Knowlege? (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Paul Simon is a battered senior citizen (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Wasn't Paul Simon's album called "Plantation?" (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Paul Simon's crime against whitey (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Slavery Lasted Until Pearl Harbor (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Dylan is not interesting. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Patti Smith beats Dylan all hollow. (11:31pm)
Alan B.: -patti-smith.jpg&imgrefurl=http://bi 1&usg=__6VU7iOIUdFlAeSicAnxPzBHGKDI= &docid=axg_n5UanSJdvM&itg=1&client=f irefox-a&sa=X&ei=Q5L1U4TkNpakyASDyYC gDw&ved=0CIwBEPwdMAw (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Oooo, that's ugly. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Ima Firen Mah Lazor! (11:36pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Karen, you crazzee. (11:39pm)
Alan B.: Fuck yeah, he was a Stalinist and completely unapologetic. (11:40pm)
Alan B.: It took him until about 2011 to admit that Stalin might have made some missteps. (11:41pm)
Alan B.: But Pete's still my cuddly commie daddy. (11:41pm)
Alan B.: The Death of 'Stalin's Songbird' (11:42pm)
Alan B.: And now it's time for the looooooooong sign off. (11:43pm)
Alan B.: I let lots of things go by, particularly Sherilyn's things because I don't want her to hate me like she hates Karen. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: But I keep fucking with KrOB's posts because FTW. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: Okay, so you guys hate me. (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Cool story, bro. (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I seldom fuck with Puzzling Evidence's posts, but I DO randomly tag him FTW. (11:53pm)
Alan B.: What if I just thew latex paint on gravel? (11:55pm)
Alan B.: He said knob. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Bon soir, nice people. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: And I'm very happy Puzzling Evidence closed the deal and groveled before the Programming Committee. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: It's all worth it in the long run. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: SHUT THE FUCK UP. (12:00am)
Alan B.: HIS SHOW STARTS NOW. (12:00am)
Alan B.: (I love this song.) (12:00am)
vj pussycat: me too (12:02am)
vj pussycat: your show starts now (12:02am)
vj pussycat: yes, welcome officially to reloadia, puzz (12:02am)
Alan B.: g'nite, VJ. (12:03am)
vj pussycat: aw gee alan b, you can't go to bed now (12:03am)
vj pussycat: i thought the show started now - oh it's back on i hear (12:05am)
KrOB?: KrOB shall return... WITH NOISES (12:23am)
Kroot: make me happy (12:56am)
Kroot: I am krrooooot (12:59am)

August 13, 2014 10:00pm


I'll tell you what we know: we know that too many kids that begin with pot end up with heroin, then on to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. We know that if you drink, you suffer a loss of judgment -- if you drink to excess. But we also know that judgment returns when you sober up. We know, and so do you, when you flip out on an NHLG trip, you never know when you're going to slip out again.

This is now, not four years ago when Radio Valencia first went on the air at 87.9FM. We've had time now to see and study the effects of NHLG. People like Karen Carpenter or Sherilyn Connelly who haven't had a dose in weeks sail out on another trip. They never know when. The moment they drop one NHLG podcast or ingest it in any way, they've bought the farm. They've lost any chance to depend on and even restore that most precious of all inner senses, judgment. And to my way of thinking, without judgment you might as well be dead -- your brain is, so why not the rest of you?

Marijuana is the flame. Heroin is the fuse. NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is the bomb. So don't you try to equate liquor with marijuana. You may sell that jazz to another pothead, but not to someone who spends most of their time holding KrOB's or Puzzling Evidence's head while he vomits and retches sitting on a curbstone at four in the morning.

And when his knees get enough starch back in 'em so that he can stand up and empty his pockets, you can bet he'll turn out a stick or two of marijuana. And you can double your money he'll be holding a sugarcube or a cap or two of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: So don't you con me with your signal-expansion slop.

Chatroom History
August 13, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

nexus006: Uh oh, I'm getting woozy already (10:09pm)
noche: (10:14pm)
doctorcupcakes: slurp (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Ma'am, do you have a bare lightbulb I could stare at? (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Laughers, screamers... (10:28pm)
Alan B.: NO ONE IS INNOCENT! (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Did he dead? (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Well, you gotta die of something. It could have been handjobs. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Good thing Jack Weeb's delivery isn't PONDEROUS. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Cut off your Slauson. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Pat Novak for Hire is best Webb, before he became a reactionary and started blowing cops. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Internet Archive of Pat Novak for Hire: (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Rights are inconvenient. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Acid eaters, always buying farms. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Sell that Jazz to a pothead. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Is it true that you can be tripping for quite some time by using crystal LSD? Like day weeks months even years? (10:42pm)
Alan B.: The Truth about LSD: (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Vice: Video "Underground LDS Palace" (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Krystle Cole %u2013 Founder of NeuroSoup (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Lysergic (2nd Edition) (2007) %u2013 In Lysergic, Krystle Cole describes the events that occurred in her life within the time period of 2000 to 2003. Krystle explains her involvement with Gordon Todd Skinner and William Leonard Pickard, the infamous LSD chemists who operated their lab in an underground missile silo in Kansas. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: in an underground missile silo in Kansas. This lab, after being busted and shutdown by the DEA, was reported to have been producing 90% of the world%u2019s supply of LSD. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: No clowns were harmed in the making of this acid. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: After the Trip: Thoughts on Entheogens, Spirituality, and Daily Life (2nd Edition) (2014) - In After the Trip, Krystle vividly intertwines her most private philosophical perspectives on reality with the more mundane aspects of life. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: My Show Starts Prematurely (10:47pm)
Alan B.: LDS is FUN (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Krystle Cole and Brandon Green - why is Krystle not in jail? (10:50pm)
Alan B.: I'm sorry, what does this have to do with Robin Williams? (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hadrons, son. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Fuck that Alan B. guy. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: LDS enhances the Alan B. Affect (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Fuckin' Boomers holy shit. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Why did they ruin the beautiful world with their war and their capitalism? (10:57pm)
Program Idiot: Who you calling Program, PROGRAM!???! (10:57pm)
Alan B.: KrOB makes my LDS experience even better. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: I saw that!! (10:58pm)
Alan B.: C'mon! C'MON! (11:00pm)
Alan B.: (11:01pm)
Alan B.: I can't post the name Siri (11:01pm)
Alan B.: %u201CI need to hide my roommate,%u201D (11:01pm)
Alan B.: (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Mick Jagger (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Memo (11:04pm)
Alan B.: from (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Turner (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Radioactive Goldfish - "LSD Is A Bomb" (11:06pm)
Alan B.: The part you want starts at about 1:55 (11:07pm)
Alan B.: (11:10pm)
Alan B.: 12 hour ambient music pices (11:10pm)
Alan B.: from Blood Runner, Aleeen, Dr. What and Star Was (11:11pm)
Alan B.: GET THOSE NERDS! (11:11pm)
Alan B.: GET OFF MY DICK, JOEY! (11:11pm)
Alan B.: 12 Hours of Pi Being Dialed on a Rotary Phone (11:12pm)
Alan B.: Pikachu Song 10 hours (11:13pm)
Alan B.: Nyan Cat 10 hours (original) (11:13pm)
Alan B.: Star Wars: AT-ST Walking Sound for 12 Hours (11:14pm)
Alan B.: Yoda Laughs for 12 Hours (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Voldemort laughing like a retard for 10 hours [HD] (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Old lady tyring to hang up her phone for 10 hours (11:16pm)
Alan B.: PSY Says HANGOVER for 12 Hours (11:16pm)
Alan B.: You people think law enforcement is some kind of JOKE! (11:19pm)
Sesame Street alien: (11:20pm)
Alan B.: ^^ Lovely! (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Grand Wizard Theodore is THA MAN! (11:23pm)
Butt In: Doorsteopchild (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Frank Zappa - San Ber'dino. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: I SO WANTED to sell GRIT! (11:26pm)
Alan B.: My trackside was so very wrong. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: KRS One/BoogieDownProductions - illegal business (11:29pm)
Steve Richards: Trascks....tOo muCH ShOW. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: 'Shoot! Fuck! Scag! Blood! Heroin! Rape! Cheap! Communist! Jab It Right Into Your Fucking Eyeballs!!!' (11:31pm)
Alan B.: The Michener Museum, in Doylestown, Pa., was once a 19th century prison. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: No one is listening to this shit. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Just pay your dues and shut up. (11:33pm)
Steve Richards: No One Is. (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: hi y'all (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Hi, VJ! And hi, Steve! (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: did you find me a ticket to burning man yet alan b? (11:34pm)
Alan B.: God dammit no. And my other buddy has a buddy what needs one. (11:35pm)
Dr Hal: Ok. Enough. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: They are not thick on the ground in Michigan. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Goldie is the fucking hook-up God. Motherfucking Goldie. (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: thx karen (11:35pm)
Alan B.: I mean Karen. Motherfucking Karen. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Sherilyn, just say NO2. (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: No2 (11:38pm)
Alan B.: No2.0 (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: or is it nO2 (11:39pm)
Alan B.: BorgNEIN2 (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: bORg92 (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: dot 2 (11:40pm)
vj pussycat: nanu nano (11:40pm)
Alan B.: Wanna hear the Robin Williams joke? (11:41pm)
Nexus006: 12 hours of Landru? (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: did I miss the tribute to robin williams? (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Hey, Nexus! (11:41pm)
Nexus006: Hey-O (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: I don't get it (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Why were all the ladies crying when Robin Williams died? (11:41pm)
Alan B.: ... (11:42pm)
vj pussycat: oh you didn't tell it yet (11:42pm)
Alan B.: hee hee hee (11:42pm)
vj pussycat: wait wait (11:42pm)
The Punch Line: Don't Tell Me (11:42pm)
vj pussycat: thank you punch line (11:43pm)
Alan B.: Because . . . (11:43pm)
vj pussycat: thinking thinking... (11:43pm)
vj pussycat: he crossed the road? (11:44pm)
Alan B.: . . . they heard he was hung. (11:44pm)
vj pussycat: da da dat (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: that one can be used for lots of folks (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Mussolini (11:46pm)
Alan B.: David Carridine (11:47pm)
The Punch Line: Gary Lockwood (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: erotic (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: asphyxiation (11:48pm)
Alan B.: TRIPPING BALLS (11:48pm)
Alan B.: TRIPPING BALLS (11:48pm)
Alan B.: TRIPPING BALLS (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Hello, Dr. Hal. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: TRIPPING BALLS (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: your show starts now (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Nearly my bedtime. (11:50pm)
vj pussycat: more than one audio track no no no (11:50pm)
Alan B.: ENGAGE (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: dr fiasco would be having a fit if he were there (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Landru! (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: a bowl of wine (11:51pm)
Alan B.: STOP SAYING LANDRU (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: landru (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Aw, sheet. Hold on. (11:53pm)
Alan B.: (11:53pm)
Alan B.: ^^ That's better (11:53pm)
Alan B.: You fuckin' school 'em, Dr. Hal. Tell 'em about Pat Novak, that old sea-side bohunk. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Anonymous To ID Michael Brown%u2019s Killer %u2013 Already Has Paralyzed Ferguson (11:55pm)
Sesame Street alien: Surprised not to have heard any F. Le Mur in this Webb party. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Well done, Sesame Street Alien! (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, NHLG, WTF? (11:57pm)
Alan B.: I'm bailing. Thanks, you guys. Sweet dreams (11:58pm)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: Heeeeeey!!! (12:00am)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: Gimme some of that Justice, Bitch!! (12:07am)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: "Justice. Bitch" is a Trigger term!! (12:07am)
vj pussycat: gnite alan b (12:08am)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: everyone say "Justice, Bitch" and the Revolution happens!! (12:09am)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: Gee, HAL, GET a CLUE!!! (12:18am)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: You... you... Bitch! (12:19am)
Earl's Here Hide Your Women: Hey, Maaaaaaaaan! Woo hoo hooooooo!!! (12:21am)
vj pussycat: oh no, not the grateful dead! (12:42am)
vj pussycat: it's me. i can't hear you (1:01am)

August 6, 2014 10:00pm


Alright, climbing up 24th Street from Valencia, the ironic beards and plaid shirts are thinning out...deep breaths, deep breaths... there, I can see the sign just past Dolores. "YOU ARE ENTERING A PBR-FREE ZONE". OK, its only 10 blocks, I can do this.

OH, a gazelle just jumped in front of me! Even their dangerous disregard for traffic does not distract from the beauty of bouncing blond ponytails and long legs prancing by. She has not yet entered her breeding season, just imagine her pushing a $695 3-wheeled baby stroller in a few years. Bet that will turn her athletic prowess into entitled rage.

Now behind a MUNI bus waiting to dock behind the GBUS, YBUS, GeneBUS, eBUS. I know, I know... without those tech buses, all the coffee shops would be overrun with Software-Americans fighting over bandwidth. As is, they clear the streets of the Walking Wireless, those sad pre-millionaires addicted to good signal. I bet one of them will make an app today.

Crossed over Sanchez, almost half way until the turn to my daughter's fog-enshrouded day camp. Now stuck behind the line of snails entering Whole Foods. Must stop clenching teeth. At least I can look at the exceptional children's shops selling Baby Hawking Quantum Blocks and My First Hadron Collider. Ever since the last Latino family was priced out of San Francisco, Noe Valley has adopted the unstoppable cry of "THINK OF THE CHILDREN (by which I mean THINK OF MY CHILD AND THINK OF ME!!!)". Yes, Welcome to The Life Vicarious.

OK, reached the last coffee shop at Douglass, trying to make the turn around the triple-parked BMW, blocking the double-parked Mercedes, which has cornered the Tesla in the bus stop. It's ok, they're just getting a cup of coffee. OK a double-shot espresso mocha with fat-free goat cream and shaved truffles. "I"LL JUST BE A MINUTE!" says the man in the $6000 suit. Hey, he spoke to me politely, I've been validated!

... and I made my turn, putting the living hell on Earth that is Noe Valley at 8am behind me. Now I can look forward to tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT LANDRU, with Karen Carpenter, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, 2- Minute Dance Party, Report from the Comptroller and Sherilyn Connelly. It's sorta been worth the struggle, isn't it?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Looking up the noses of people looking down their noses at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND since 2010.

Chatroom History
August 6, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

nexus006: I'll check km (12:37am)
Pushing Haveordunce: Late night coupe de sound (1:06am)

July 30, 2014 10:00pm


It's cold outside, the fish aren't jumping, there's no cotton to speak of (but a lot of flannel), and the easiness of living depends entirely on your proximity to bacon-wrapped hot dogs. In other words, it's time for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, in which Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly (along with vacationers KrOB and he-who-shall-not-be-named-Puzzling-Evidence) will take you through a tour of the history of Ira Gershwin and DuBose Heyward's enduring classic -- not that you can tell because it'll probably be an unholy racket, being NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. And they'll be sure to frequently ask why whoever is singing couldn't come up with their OWN damn song instead of covering someone else. Remember, singing "Summertime" without paying ASCAP is a criminal act.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Might as well go ahead and cry, little baby.

Chatroom History
July 30, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

KrOB?: you call this NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND???!!! (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: Hi y'all (11:13pm)
Perfect_Timing: i forgot all about this in my struggle to pack for NY... (11:23pm)
Perfect_Timing: Jewish friend. (11:26pm)

July 23, 2014 10:00pm


Last week's Pacific Rimjob Spectacular was a theme so full of it, there was not a moment to debrief Bob-Marc about his long trip with a wide boat to a short lake. That will not stand, although there is no evidence of it falling over or even leaning slightly in the foggy wind. Metaphors are like just sucky comparisons anyway.... sooo, the mesmerizing theme tonight for tonight's 200th and FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, will be Stories About Camp. For the first hour, Bob-Marc will give a detailed accounting of Camp Tipsy, including how hot, how muddy, and how much Chicken John can anyone take. (Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB will be briefly delayed as they complete the hardest requirement for the David Lynch merit badge - rewatching "Inland Empire"). Then Karen Carpenter will use all the concentration necessary to recall that trip to Philmont Scout Ranch oh these many years so long ago.

Scout Leader Puzzling Evidence will be handing out demerits.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Camping is like pretending to be homeless.

Chatroom History
July 23, 2014 10:00pm - 2:30am

Agent Aslan: 34554767896809677653255 (10:20pm)
nexus006: Guam, Spam, camp blah blah... (11:36pm)
nexus006: 10% of the chips are gay. (12:15am)
nexus006: Time is an illusion (12:22am)
nexus006: Lunchtime doubly so... (12:23am)
nexus006: Lunchtime doubly so... (12:30am)
vj pussycat: Hi (12:44am)
vj pussycat: Hi (12:46am)
nexus006: I'm still here only in Saigon (1:07am)
nexus006: USO (1:07am)

July 16, 2014 10:00pm


The annual J-POP SUMMIT Festival is happening this weekend, and if you don't know what that is, you're probably not Sherilyn. But on tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Aomoji-kei padawan Sherilyn Connelly along with gaijin Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc (as well as KrOB and the never-cranky Puzzling Evidence) will take you through everything you need to know about current Japanese pop culture, including a special call-in from Vocaloid icon Hatsune Miku! Or not, since she's a computer-generated character who only speaks Japanese. And this is just a wild guess, but certain of our listeners will probably fixate on tentacle porn in the chatbox. You know who you are.

HANA NO KE-KUZU-SEN: Ban za ¯ i oishi pokki!

Chatroom History
July 16, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

Alan B.: Pink Vocaloid (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Baka baka baka (10:08pm)
Alan B.: (10:09pm)
Alan B.: rtm2aro1_400.gif&h=HAQFqTJAG (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Animooted band best band. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: (10:14pm)
Sesame Street alien: "radio" tinnitus best tinnitus (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Nyan Cat goes Widescreen %u2194 10 hours (10:16pm)
Alan B.: 22,000 Hz earbleed is go! (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Computer generated Puddi! (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Frozen - Let It Go - Anime (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Japanese artist arrested after 3D-printing her vagina (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Zombies? (10:26pm)
Alan B.: CAT SONG (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Derealization or derealisation (sometimes abbreviated as DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: UPDATE: Vagina selfie artist vows to fight legal battle against obscenity charges. (10:32pm)
Sesame Street alien: have a feeling "blackened babymetal" would just be ordinary babymetal (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Please oh please! (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Oh, wait, wrong song, that's just Babymetal. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Joe Provo provided this excellent punk song by Trippple Nipples: (10:36pm)
Alan B.: When does the whippet segment start? (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Whip it? (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Hey, BobMarc: Hatsune Miku - MELT [Live] 1080HD (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Not to mention all the RAEP. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: I fucking love Kyary Pamyu Pamyu (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Fucking hadrons, bro. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Japanese Man Hold World Record For Masturbating [VIDEO] Japanese Man Hold World Record For Masturbating [VIDEO] | (10:39pm)
Alan B.: He trains for two hours a day while watching TV or whatever while chillin%u2019 with his girlfriend at home. Read More: Japanese Man Hold World Record For Masturbating [VIDEO] | (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Totally cool dada chipmunks. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: christmas don't be late (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Posted 7 hours ago: Hair Bows, Eyeballs, And More: A Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Style Primer (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Kyary Pamyu Pamyu is releasing her first all-English single and, believe it or not, it debuted on this morning. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Cool fact: It is uninspiring. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: She%u2019s even been named the Official Kawaii Ambassador of Harajuku by the mayor of Tokyo%u2019s Shibuya Ward. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Which I think is Japanese for "Chicken Inspector." (10:56pm)
Alan B.: %u201CNew Kawaii%u201D for me [is] a cuteness that is a little bit traumatic, that has a dark aspect to it, and I try to keep this in mind. So within cuteness for me, I like to have grotesque elements like eyeballs, or other items that are surprising to see. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Abject failure. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: SO WE SAID FUCK YOU, MAN!! (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Fuck children. Fuck the family. Fuck everybody. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: It would be like 4chan and tumblr. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Fundamentally, I want people to wear what they want to wear. In my song %u201CFashion Monster%u201D there is the lyric, %u201CI don%u2019t want to be bound by anyone else%u2019s rules.%u201D I think that sums up what I would like to say to listeners. If you are wearing clothes that you enjoy wearing, everything you do in life becomes fun. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: If you are wearing clothes that you enjoy wearing, everything you do in life becomes fun. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: We heard some rumours out there that Venom are packed in, yeah?! (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Hair accessories are often a fun way to elevate your look. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: It'll knock you on your fuckin' back! (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Try to incorporate something spooky into your wardrobe. (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Freedom in fashion for everyone. Anyone can wear anything in their own style and fashion. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Courtney Love Says Her 'Number One Obsession' Is Sex Read more: Follow us: @rollingstone on Twitter | RollingStone on Facebook (11:08pm)
Alan B.: What's next, Quisling? (11:09pm)
Alan B.: I have to say I have missed listening live to NHLG. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: (11:15pm)
Alan B.: The return of tinitus. (11:21pm)
nexus006: There's a list? (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Can we really celebrate Japan without celebrating Rule 34? (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Playing the bongos. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: You play that fuckin' bongo and you shut your face. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Mokay, sleepie bye. Konbanwa, weeaboos! (11:35pm)

July 9, 2014 10:00pm


It's almost mid-July, which means we're finally getting around to our spring housecleaning. On tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, we'll be cleaning up the clutter, rearranging the piles, getting to those hard-to-reach corners, and (possibly but not necessarily) eliminating the undesirables from society. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly (along with KrOB and future Best Show on Reloadio Valencia host ???????? ????????) will make sure they leave everything tidier than they found it.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Seriously, Alan B., what have you done for us lately?

Chatroom History
July 9, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Yay this is freakin' awesome!: awesome (11:22pm)
Yay this is freakin' awesome!: ! (11:22pm)
farmboy: Is anything going to happen on this show? (11:41pm)
farmboy: And how big are Puzzling Evidence's feet? (11:49pm)
farmboy: It was PC compatible with ROM based dos and TV out! (11:50pm)
farmboy: If you pass a Mercury on the highway, and it looks like it's going backwards, then it's in retrograde. (11:57pm)
nexus006: Is any body out there? (12:10am)
farmboy: whose show is this anyway? (12:11am)
nexus006: Your show starts now... (12:26am)

July 2, 2014 10:00pm


After wandering in the dark for two weeks, a glimmer of light has poked through the firmament. Has the issue been resolved? Not yet, but we are finally on the right path. The way may yet be difficult, still fraught with false trails, distractions and diversions, but there finally is hope. Sweet, sweet hope. So much so, the this FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is dedicated by Karen Carpenter to a listener who is not Alan B.. Tune in as this all gets explained to Bob-Marc, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence, as if they care.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Yeah, Alan B., what have you done for us lately?

Chatroom History
July 2, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

dj kenny dojo: b-movie (10:02pm)
nexus006: Free Foem (10:18pm)
nexus006: Free Form Rapido (10:18pm)
vj pussycat: kiko! (10:18pm)
nexus006: Snake Plisken: "You me and Fresno Bob." (10:20pm)
nexus006: Stone Template Stones (10:31pm)
nexus006: A warm var (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco mixes up the juices. (10:38pm)
nexus006: a warm var of fire retardant... (10:38pm)
nexus006: Vat (10:38pm)
nexus006: Damn it's annoying typing on this iPod touch... (10:39pm)
Dr. Penny: Cum into Dr. Fiasco's world. (10:42pm)
bunnies: one of your two listners is actually two listeners (10:48pm)
nexus006: I only wear crocs in the morgue due to all the blood on the floor. Then I can dunk them in a bucket of bleach. (10:50pm)
Dr. Penny: The new hope lies at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. (10:55pm)
nexus006: We're go. (11:05pm)
nexus006: The CA stare (11:07pm)
nexus006: CA state motto: (11:08pm)
nexus006: How about slow smoked pulled pork? (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: Where's alan b? (11:21pm)
nexus006: Poop robut disk slur (11:38pm)
nexus006: poop robut souvenir disks (11:39pm)
Alan B.: Boo! (1:09am)
Alan B.: Inlaws in town, that's enough to make anyone go to bed early. (1:10am)

June 25, 2014 10:00pm


Hello and Welcome to NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Technical Support. Your call is important to us, so please stay on the line while we connect you with one of our highly trained agents to assist you with your problem. During your wait, you may hear some beeps in the background, and a series of clicks if KrOB is here. Other FINAL BROADCAST support specialists (Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and Supervisor Puzzling Evidence) are standing by. Enjoy the music while you wait....

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We understand your frustration.

Chatroom History
June 25, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: Flip cards are fun. (10:04pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco has turned into an Indian! (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Why is Son of Svengoolie on the Help Desk? (10:06pm)
Alan B.: This needs Fast RAM (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Gateway with 512 Mb RAM and XP, tasty. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: "I hope you all die!" (10:12pm)
Alan B.: KrOB found the really cool meta: (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Deadwood: Raping All the Holes (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Game of Thrones: Even more holes raped. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: He's just, like, Mr. Bu-fu! (10:18pm)
Alan B.: We're talking Lord God King Bu-fu! (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Why We Should Pretend the %u2018Game of Thrones%u2019 Rape Scene Never Happened (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: Ok dammit. I just turn off the sound. Please let me know when you are done with the spoilers. (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: peter dinklage dies??!!! Thanks a lot!!! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Sorry, VJ. (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: you didn't say anything alan b (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: Are they still spoiling? (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Karen, you need an external USB hard drive and a copy of a linux live disk. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: No, vj, sorry for your experience. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: They are done spoiling. (10:23pm)
Dr. Penny: We're back to tech support clips. (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: Thank you alan b (10:23pm)
Alan B.: << You need to put this on a disk (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Then boot to this live system, mount the laptop hard drive and your USB hard drive (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Copy your data files to the USB hard drive (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: how much ram does he have (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Then reset your Win 8.1 system and re-create your user account (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Then, copy your data files back into the recreated system. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Or, just throw it in the ocean. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Welcome to Libel Corner. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: I am honored, but will be with my in-laws in Joliet, IL. Thank you, anyway. (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: Are they in jail? (10:28pm)
Alan B.: I will also miss the July 2 live show, but of course will hear the podcast. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Not yet, vj! (10:28pm)
Alan B.: We will be near that fine town, at a timeshare. (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: fantastic (10:29pm)
Alan B.: With no fingertips, Daria will be ready for a life of crime. (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: but she won't be able to use an iPhone (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: the dr asked me to join him doing Hal's show (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Well done, VJ! That will be entertaining and Dobbs Approved. (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: I can't this week but maybe the 2nd or 3rd week (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: Thanks alan b, but I did nothing (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: GET A MAC (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I heard a show with Sherilyn and KrOB and PuzzEv on the PuzzEv show, and I haven't heard it before! I'm shocked and stunned. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: hmmm (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Nine hours of content is a shitload of content. (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: haha he gave me no conditions (10:33pm)
Alan B.: NO LAPTOPS YOU JAGOFFS! (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Love, Dr. Fiasco (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: Me too. Wish I could do an impression of him (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I'd recover your data for nuttin'. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Led Zeppelin Played Here (10:38pm)
Alan B.: D&D -- more interesting than being on Nose Hair Lint Gland (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Fiasco: Radio Smitten (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: that's marlin Brando (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Marlon Brandow Swallowed a Bug (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: that's awesome (10:42pm)
Alan B.: It is not a feature. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: How to refresh, reset, or restore your PC (10:44pm)
Alan B.: HOLD MUSIC (10:45pm)
Alan B.: f you upgraded your PC to Windows 8.1 or Windows RT 8.1 with a DVD, use that disc. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: That does suck. You probably don't want to hear about buying a USB hard drive. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: I know. Sorry. I'm afraid you'll have to nuke it and start over. Just put Ubuntu on it. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: The tone in H.A.L.'s voice when he banned all laptops was . . . stern. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: PuzzEv's spy sattelite. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Satellite (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Rules is rules. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: VERBOTEN (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Maybe a longish koan. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: FiascoBalls (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Cross the terminator. (10:56pm)
Dr. Penny: Free-balling Fiasco. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Too. Many. Laptops. Natter natter grommish grommish. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Ruined. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Are there rules for fucking up the chatroom? (10:59pm)
Sesame Street alien: Dare you to show up, follow all the rules, and have your one allotted background sound be a a Vomir track (11:02pm)
Alan B.: I guess the Venom ID is trapped on Karen's laptop. (11:02pm)
Sesame Street alien: like (11:02pm)
Dr. Penny: Booper's sister. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: You guys . . . (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Whippets everywhere (11:15pm)
Dr. Penny: They are not grayhounds. They are whippets. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Best song when on nitrous (11:17pm)
Alan B.: The Chemical Brothers - Galvanize (11:17pm)
Alan B.: U2 - Electrical Storm (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Masonna - god of noise (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Aphex Twin - Window Licker (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Boards of Canada - Reach for the Dead (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Kid Sister - Pro Nails (Rusko Remix) (11:22pm)
Alan B.: The Whippet Song (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Alan B. Effect: Null Society (11:23pm)
Alan B.: I would love to know the date of the show Puzzling Evidence played on his last show with Sherilyn and KrOB. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Willis Tower (11:27pm)
Alan B.: (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Did ya get any Enya? (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Remember Chicago (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Don't you boys know any nice sonsg? (11:31pm)
Alan B.: who gives a shit? (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Lost in the attic hole. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: There's a topic (11:38pm)
Alan B.: ? (11:38pm)
nexus006: Fried chicken bucket drone. (11:43pm)
Sesame Street alien: (11:43pm)
Alan B.: I think this should get played for 45 minutes with no other sound than whippit cannisters hitting the counter. (11:46pm)
Tpoic Ull: Hal gone. (11:48pm)
Tpoic Ull: He ate. (11:48pm)
Tpoic Ull: Fore ofthe Remake (11:48pm)
Alan B.: H.A.L. has joined the Null Society. (11:48pm)
Bejamin Harrison: And become shot. (11:49pm)
Benjamin Harrissonn: Leave me out of this!!! (11:49pm)
Alan B.: From the grassy null, behind the picket fence. (11:49pm)
nexus006: Megatron Pizza delivery drone. (11:49pm)
Whine: Help me Help ME!! (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Thanks for the Jam, BobMarc! (11:51pm)
Alan B.: No guts, no glory. (11:52pm)
Whine: No butts, no worry. (11:53pm)
nexus006: My habson x4 quad-copter went up and over my neighbor's roof on it's first flight. (11:55pm)
Hubsan::: with thecamera on, we will only hope (11:57pm)
I will : Kikieo yo ass. (11:58pm)
nexus006: Hubson (11:58pm)
nexus006: Hubson collider (11:58pm)
Dean Jagger: Is the audio Captain now? (11:58pm)
Alan B.: The non-null part (11:59pm)
Alan B.: And now the effect retreats into the null. (11:59pm)
Clyde Content: firing a Krullmonster into the twilight zone.... (11:59pm)
nexus006: NHLG anti-itch cream. (12:02am)
nexus006: Yup, that'l do it.... (12:04am)
nexus006: Whoo hoo....I get to listen to this shit on podcast tomorrow because I work in a windowless morgue with no radio reception. (12:07am)
nexus006: KRob? (12:10am)
KrOb: can't call shit'''' (12:11am)
nexus006: Don't tase m>e Krob (12:13am)
nexus006: bing bing (12:13am)
nexus006: bim bam boom....goodnight (12:15am)
nexus006: Buy more now...and be happy. (12:18am)
nexus006: You are a true believer, blessings of State, blessings of the masses Thou art a subject of.... (12:23am)
nexus006: Who do you have to fuck to get a show around here? (12:25am)
SeXXX: Why do I have to Fuck to jeget a show about HERE! (12:31am)
Show : stuill fluffing! (2:01am)

June 18, 2014 10:00pm


In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree, but if he was smart he would have decreed it on top of Corona Heights, where the official Nose Hair Lint Gland Transmitter and Pleasure Dome is being unveiled. And to celebrate the occasion of this first FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND from our spiffy new geodesic digs, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly (with KrOB and Puzzling Evidence) will welcome special telephone-only guest Jeff Krulik, of ERNEST BORGNINE ON THE BUS fame.

Mr. Krulik will be discussing his new movie LED ZEPPELIN PLAYED HERE, which explores the urban legend that Led Zeppelin played in front of 50 teenagers in the gym of a small community center in Maryland on the night of Richard Nixon's inauguration in 1969. Karen, Sherilyn, and KrOB recently saw the film at SF DocFest, and their thought-provoking questions will include, "What does Jimmy Page smell like up close?"

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Nobody will believe you were there.

Chatroom History
June 18, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: (10:02pm)
Alan B.: (10:05pm)
Alan B.: (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Let the technical adjustments start! (10:05pm)
Alan B.: NO DEAD AIR JUAN RAPIDO! (10:06pm)
Alan B.: "What does Jimmy Page smell like up close?" (10:08pm)
Alan B.: 'Led Zeppelin Played Here': Doc shares legendary story (10:09pm)
Alan B.: BORG^9 (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Win one the Gipper, motherfucker! (10:09pm)
Alan B.: All your base are belong to us, make your holes. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Windows Hate-Point-ONe (10:11pm)
Computer: Hee Hee.gotcha. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Be our guest, be our guest, put our upgrade to the test (10:13pm)
The Navaho Pepole: We Hate U Nus Hair Flint Grade!!!!!! (10:13pm)
Casey Kaseem: Leave the dead alone, please. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: He finally gets to kick Snuggles. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Windows 8.1 RANT!!! (10:14pm)
Casey Kaseem: The Injinneer stole that tape. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: He is a hero. (10:15pm)
Walt: The Imaginneers are too tall, also... (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Walt loved Injuns (10:17pm)
Wow: , her Mom Was a Hand Model! (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Bob Marc's ana F.E.T.ish (10:18pm)
Wow: , No Dead Air, Juan Nose Hair Lint Glade Played Here! (10:18pm)
Boring: leave me out of this! (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Welcome, BOOPER JUNIOR! (10:19pm)
Don Joyce: Go Home, Booper. I can't hear you any way. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Download WWV sound: (10:21pm)
Alan B.: But Don is a Baby Booper (10:21pm)
Booper John, Spikeman of Loiner: sure whatever (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Moby DICK! (10:27pm)
Alan B.: I absolutely had and loved that fucking Royal Guardsmen 45, Karen. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Royal Guardsmen-Snoopy's Christmas (10:28pm)
Alan B.: KrOB pulled the shitty mic tonight. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: ROCKING SO FUCKING HARD!!!!11!!! (10:29pm)
Alan B.: (10:33pm)
DJ DEAD HAIR: listening. but not writing to Karen... for now! (10:34pm)
DJ DEAD HAIR: Oh I stopped paying attention for a second, but if you're discussing my use of 'write' vs. 'right'... 'twas purposeful (10:36pm)
nexus006: Hello all NHLG warriors. (10:36pm)
DJ DEAD HAIR: I can't even abbreviate texts on account of my deep respect for the English language. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Hi, nexusdoubleaughtsix (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Mobile Dick (10:37pm)
nexus006: Hi Alan (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Former Air Personality (10:37pm)
Booper John, Spikeman of Loiner: Alan B. (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Three sizes too small (10:39pm)
Booper John, Spikeman of Loiner: It is because they are too tall. (10:39pm)
Clotherein: Game of Shows (10:39pm)
Fargo: He said Navy. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: BorgNEIN! (10:41pm)
Tim Conway: After McHales, they sentenced me to Rango,.... (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Dorf On Golf (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Barton Fink - John Goodman - "I'll show you the life of the mind!" (10:43pm)
nexus006: Miller's Crossing is the one of the best movies to watch at 2am sipping bourbon. (10:44pm)
Kat Herding: here (10:46pm)
Kat Herding: as if things weren't bad enough. (10:47pm)
nexus006: I was always nexus006...I think your mind switched the numbers around. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Contemporary programming (10:47pm)
Alan B.: The only LBD I care about: (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Song Led Zepplin stole: (10:52pm)
Alan B.: (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Grew up listening to WLS-AM (10:53pm)
Alan B.: KrOB recently played this song Led Zepplin stole: Jake Holmes - Dazed and Confused (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Hal reasserted control over his show last week NO LAPTOPS GOD DAMMIT (10:55pm)
nexus006: Borg009 (10:56pm)
nexus006: This is a TRAACH!!! (11:03pm)
nexus006: I'm not on any list.... (11:10pm)
Who: ? (11:12pm)
The Real: Don Steele (11:13pm)
The Real: Rick Wakeman (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Jeff! (11:23pm)
Alan B.: John Wayne Gacy was a Nazi (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Look at Karen changing the subject (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Audience elimination (11:44pm)
Alan B.: Pabst. Blue. RIBBON! (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Worthwhile interview. Tell me how to watch this film. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Double ID yeah baby! (12:01am)
nexus006: What time is it? (12:01am)
Alan B.: HOW DO I SEE THE FILM WHAAAA! (12:01am)
Alan B.: Ask JUAN RAPIDO when he's gonna fix the FUCKING PHONE and dead air. (12:03am)
nexus006: Strap in bitch (12:03am)
Alan B.: Hi, Hal! (12:05am)
Alan B.: X-DAY! (12:07am)
Alan B.: Alan Benar? Fuck that guy. (12:08am)
Alan B.: I can't even get my KrOB homework done, much less program a three-hour show. (12:09am)
Alan B.: I'm sorry I showed Hal my split beaver. Sorry, Hal. (12:10am)
Alan B.: Fill Hal full of Hadrons. (12:15am)
vj pussycat: hi y'all I just got here (12:17am)
Alan B.: Noosphere (12:18am)
vj pussycat: I can't find a fuckin rolling paper or apple or nothin for this sweet nug someone just gave me (12:18am)
Alan B.: Hadrons to power! Turbines to speed! (12:18am)
vj pussycat: I know!! Where's my damn hadron collider?! (12:19am)
Alan B.: Okay, g'nite. (12:20am)
vj pussycat: I stuffed it in my tobacco while I sit in this 4mph traffic (12:20am)
vj pussycat: See photo (12:21am)
vj pussycat: Ok gnite alan b (12:22am)

June 11, 2014 10:00pm







FEED the insatiable PARKING METER!



HEAR the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, guided by urban pioneer Karen Carpenter, native-boy Bob-Marc, and maybe even the greatest natural history filmmaker of all time, PUZZLING EVIDENCE!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Where you're a haircut, a hot meal and a hundred thousand dollars from living like an animal.

Chatroom History
June 11, 2014 10:00pm - 2:30am

Alan B.: Combo of contractor talk and technical adjustment -- this is truly the avant garde. (10:07pm)
Alan B.: HOORAY! (10:10pm)
Alan B.: BOOOO! (10:11pm)
Alan B.: HAPPY FANGS (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter has a beautiful singing voice (10:13pm)
Alan B.: PuzzEv's mic is more than a little tinny. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Is this the wild part? (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Hey, is this Nose Hair Lint Gland? (10:15pm)
Alan B.: My sister is listening. Hi, Jen! (10:15pm)
Alan B.: There are emails? I don't get emails? (10:15pm)
Alan B.: BAM! Bob Marc gets told. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Hey! Close the door, the show's getting out. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Heavy Metal Parking Lot (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Bob Mould, also gay. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Heavy Metal Parking Lot is a video documentary short produced by Jeff Krulik and John Heyn in 1986. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Heavy Metal Parking Lot documents heavy metal music fans tailgating in the parking lot outside the Capital Centre (which was demolished in December 2002) in Landover, Maryland, on May 31, 1986, before a Judas Priest concert during their Fuel for Life tour (with opening act Dokken). (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Ernest Borgnine On The Bus (10:19pm)
Alan B.: I have to get my shit together and make that Tumblr. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: January 20, 1969 %u2014 were you there? Led Zeppling Played Here (10:21pm)
Alan B.: BOOOO! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: "Zeppelin-in-Wheaton is Washington%u2019s own rock-and-roll Loch Ness Monster. Could it possibly be real? Yes. No way. Depends whom you ask. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Heavy Metal Concentration Camp. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: I got to see Penelope Spheeris introduce The Decline of Western Civilization Part III and you can't see it HA! (10:23pm)
Alan B.: MERICA! (10:25pm)
Alan B.: No pussy metric system here, buddy. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Tell us stories, grandpa! (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Traffic and weather on the 8s on NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. (10:32pm)
nexus006: That was a great looking trailer you had camping....who was manufacturer? (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I was getting a sammich, what? (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Friendship is Magic? agic (10:38pm)
nexus006: What's a turtle? (10:38pm)
nexus006: Der faceA (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Yes, it is the same property. Lauren Faust rebooted the series and made it very successfull. Many neckbearded male failures adopted it as a lifestyle. (10:39pm)
nexus006: Der facez book (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Old MLP: 1986-87 (10:40pm)
Alan B.: I appreciated the Facebook pictures. That was a very cool camper. (10:41pm)
nexus006: Let me tell you about my mother.... (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Nice. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: nexus006 triumphant. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Eriba Puck Interior (10:42pm)
Alan B.: GOOGLE: eriba puck trailer (10:43pm)
Alan B.: hannel=fflb&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa= X&ei=5j2ZU_WkOYqoyAT7qYKQAw&ved=0CAg Q_AUoAw&biw=1266&bih=666 (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Aw, shit. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Got it! (10:44pm)
Alan B.: What the fuck can't Pete Goldie do?! (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, Bob Marc. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Tears . . . and rain . . . (10:46pm)
Alan B.: I'm personally running three sympathy streams. (10:46pm)
nexus006: Sorry...I have tomorrow off (I work in a pathology lab) I start (10:47pm)
Alan B.: KrOB also ran shit last week, with Sherilyn. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: RIP Rik Mayall (10:49pm)
Alan B.: That show was really very good. (10:49pm)
nexus006: At 4 am...always listen on podcAst (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Sherilyn and KrOB talked nearly not at all. (10:51pm)
Alan B.: And here it is. You should download it. (10:52pm)
nexus006: at. (10:52pm)
nexus006: At (10:52pm)
Sesame Street alien: (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Never mind, I fucked up. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Last week's Ask Dr. Hal. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Me gusta potato show. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: "I don't give a fuck about listeners." -- Puzzling Evidence. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Fuck that guy. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: I mean ME, not PuzzEv. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: nexus006 bailed, work at 4 a.m. (10:57pm)
nexus006: I'm here (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Sorry! (10:57pm)
nexus006: day off tomorrow...I can. (10:58pm)
nexus006: Stay up as late as I want (10:58pm)
Alan B.: I'll see potato and raise badger (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Excellent! (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Hooray! (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I'm working on a commission for KrOB, but it's hard going. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: I need to stop sleeping at night and get back to work. (11:00pm)
nexus006: The dog comes with the caravan... (11:00pm)
nexus006: Dude here (11:01pm)
Alan B.: I did this! And I sounded like a complete tool. News World news United States Series: The Editor press review Previous | Next | Index Did you miss? That's just so, like, totally... spiffing Why do so many Americans adopt British accents after crossing the Atlantic? (11:01pm)
Alan B.: (11:02pm)
Alan B.: EIGHT YEAR OLD, DUDE! (11:02pm)
nexus006: This aggression will not stand (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Hal likes whinging, and we like Hal whinging. (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Born to a wealthy middle-class family in Simbirsk, Lenin gained an interest in revolutionary leftist politics following the execution of his brother Aleksandr in 1887. (11:04pm)
Alan B.: In 1903, he took a key role in the RSDLP schism, leading the Bolshevik faction against Julius Martov's Mensheviks. (11:05pm)
nexus006: Tow it to Alviso (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Lenin remains a controversial and highly divisive world figure. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Nothing better than good Bowie, and bad Bowie is better than most other things. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Upon moving to Britain, some Americans can't seem to resist the temptation to adopt a British accent, even if they're doomed to failure. (11:07pm)
nexus006: We're gonna play another traaaach now (11:08pm)
Alan B.: My new favorite DEVO song: DEVO - The Spirit of JFK (Scott Orsi) (11:08pm)
Alan B.: The grassy knoll, behind the picket fence. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: Fighting with swords: (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Nazi Dinosaurs (11:18pm)
Alan B.: (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Not a technical catastrophe (11:19pm)
Alan B.: 'sup, Rusty Rebar (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Poor l'il feller. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: BUT WHO WAS PHONE? (11:26pm)
Alan B.: That's silly. He'll kill you, anyway. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Like a cubit (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Have you ever sat upon the beluga whale foreskin couch? (11:29pm)
Alan B.: (11:30pm)
Alan B.: I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, Pete, but this is a shitload of work on this trailer. (11:31pm)
Alan B.: The Outer Limit (11:32pm)
Alan B.: I wish Kat Herding were hearing this K-Pop/J-Pop centric hour. (11:34pm)
nexus006: Night Of Fire!!! (11:34pm)
Alan B.: How is the CAT5 cable holding up in the trailer electircal system? I think that was a good call, it's real sturd. (11:37pm)
Alan B.: I think they overmanufacture the CAT5 wire. Nice. (11:39pm)
Alan B.: The only good British car was the Land Rover and now it's owned by India's TATA Co. (11:40pm)
nexus006: Austin Healy 3000 Mk3 (11:40pm)
Alan B.: I insist on video of the EL sequencer (11:42pm)
Harold Camping: you go to HELL for using my name you radio frugs (11:43pm)
God : al l your bas e are u s . (11:44pm)
No One: fro President!!!!!! (11:44pm)
Harold Camping: I'm all the Camping there is.....was... (11:45pm)
nexus006: I bought a Duracell battery pack....charge a bunch of stuff..,or jump a car battery. (11:46pm)
Harold Camping: or jump the shark... (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: karen, when were you at bridgeport/lee vining? (11:54pm)
vj pussycat: we were at the hot springs by the green church recently (11:56pm)
Harold Camping: says Karen is ttooo busy to write to you (11:59pm)
Harold Camping: says there's a squirrel on your chest of drawers (12:00am)
Bear City: Keep talkin, meat bag.... (12:01am)
The Rat Prince: I Can Eat all of you! (12:01am)
vj pussycat: i know (12:02am)
vj pussycat: but did you eat the bbq in bishop? (12:03am)
The Rat Loine: Did you eat the Rat Bishop in Lone Spine? (12:04am)
vj pussycat: too bad. found a killer texas bbq hole in bishop (12:06am)
nexus006: Bug All Yeee Ohhhh Seede (12:08am)
Alan B.: I nodded off, meaning (12:08am)
Alan B.: good night, folks! (12:08am)
Alan B.: No more Effect. (12:09am)
Coulours: A>B>E> (12:12am)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Hal has arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! (12:49am)

June 4, 2014 10:00pm


Before the beach dust has completely settled and our stomachs have stopped digesting, many gather in the hours after the Clambake to "decompress" by taking one more communal plunge into the depths of what we found so delicious at the Clambake, sharing leftover countnecks, littlenecks, topnecks, cherrystones, quahogs, and slices of iced watermelon. Karen Carpenter is still out there digging them up, so on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly will re-connect with family and friends (KrOB and Puzzling Evidence), and collaborate to create new broth. Post-Clambake Decompression is, at its simplest, a late night snack. But more significantly, it is a powerful way to bring Clambake tastiness to our airwaves!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Clambake, gonna have had a clambake.

Chatroom History
June 4, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: m'stakes (10:02pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley - Clambake ( Full Album ) LSP 3893 US Original LP (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Eddie Murphy - Elvis Presley - Delirious Live (10:04pm)
Alan B.: I fucking love Dick Cavett (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Exploding White America (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley - Live Comeback Special TV 1968(Full Concert) [Vdeo HD] (10:08pm)
Alan B.: My grandma had it bad for Elvis. (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Kurt Russell as Elvis shoots out a TV screen (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Elvis death - autopsy report (10:10pm)
Alan B.: 11 drugs were present in the singer's system at the time of his death (10:11pm)
Alan B.: "We have not detected any drug in Elvis that doesn't have a medical rationale to it - only agents prescribed for perfectly normal, rational medical reasons." (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Francisco called last Oct. 21, quoted the medical examiner as saying that four drugs were found in significant quantities in the entertainer's bloodstream. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: They are Ethinamate, Methaqualone, codeine and barbiturates. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley died of a heart disease. "Had these drugs not been there, he still would have died." (10:12pm)
Alan B.: The picture of Lake Snipe looked tranquil. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: The 42-year-old- Elvis Presley was found face down on the floor of a bathroom at Graceland, his 18-room mansion, at 2:30 p.m. Aug. 16. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Bah! (10:16pm)
Sesame Street alien: Oh, y'all are no fun. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: I will focus on embarassing movies, then. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: It will take a minute, but I'm excited myself. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: This will completely befuddle and annoy Dr. Hal. Which is not why I'm doing it. (10:20pm)
Sherilyn: There is no nobler -- or simpler, thankfully -- goal than to befuddle and annoy Hal. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Want Elvis Back? Don%u2019t Vote for Obama (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: bubba ho tep (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Found Alive (2 hr 10 min) (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: hey mr b (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Like Jerry Lewis wearing his Rolex and rings while acting the role of a mailman in "Hardly Working," Elvis couldn't pretend to be a normal guy incognito without his dark glasses and jumpsuit. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Mojo Nixon - Elvis is everywhere (10:26pm)
Sherilyn: ELVIS NEEDS BOATS. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: I saw Mojo Nixon live as a lad. I enjoyed it. He opened for Elvis Costello. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: (10:30pm)
Sherilyn: I saw him do an in-store in Fresno in '89 or so, and he signed my LP of Frenzy, but I was entirely too young to get into the show that night. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: It was that tour. The summer before I went to Antioch. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: This is a TV show about two DJs visting Graceland (10:32pm)
Alan B.: (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Steve Dahl and Garry Meier of Chicago (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I highly recommend it as a rare (ignored) treat for Elvis fans. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: you gonna eat that thing (10:32pm)
Alan B.: It won a local Emmy. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: It has a cooking segment, they cook Pepsi salad. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Drugs and teen pussy. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Karen Carpenter. (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: raciscts! (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: supposed to be a great deal if you just get bacon (10:40pm)
Alan B.: My pastor dropped that Lost Wages shit on me 40 years ago during his sermon. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Goings-on About 2,420,000 results (0.20 seconds) (10:44pm)
Alan B.: But is he radio smitten? (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Buddy Holly and Elvis Presley : February 13, 1955 : Lubbock, Tx. Fair Park Coliseum (4pm matinee) - See more at: (10:53pm)
Alan B.: And my sympathy streams! And my axe! (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Elvis thinks Rolling Stone is the Rolling Stone's newspaper. That's adorbs. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Wheeee! (11:00pm)
Alan B.: There's my "H" for "Hal." (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Chronvis. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Puzzling Evidence! (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Holy shit KrOB gets the LOL moment, don't hapen often on NHLG. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: What Did Elvis and Diego Rivera Have in Common? (No, Not Frida!) (11:14pm)
Alan B.: If only the Cylon had found Elvis instead of Wolfman Jack. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: A: They both had twin brothers who died. (11:15pm)
Sherilyn: Elvis and Wolfman Jack both had twin brothers who died? Heavy. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Exactly. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Do cylons have twins? (11:16pm)
Alan B.: That's All Right Mama: The Unauthorized Life of Elvis's Twin -mama&catid=36:books-gerald-duff&Ite mid=30 (11:18pm)
Alan B.: (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Elvis drawing a bead on Brunos with his 1959 model laser cannon (11:21pm)
Alan B.: From Gus van Sant and William Burroughs - The Hipster Be-Bop Junkie (11:24pm)
Alan B.: From The Elvis of Letters 1985 (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Pils (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Those evil church pils. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: I mean miraculous church pils. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley and Racism : The Ultimate, Definitive Guide - See more at: (11:28pm)
Alan B.: 35 Years Ago: Elvis Costello Incites Brawl with Racist Remarks Read More: 35 Years Ago: Elvis Costello Incites Brawl with Racist Remarks | (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Capricorn One full movie (11:31pm)
Alan B.: That goddamned Clambake trailer (11:32pm)
Alan B.: I mean that beloved Clambake trailer (11:33pm)
Alan B.: If I had been Elvis I wouldn't have done drugs, I would have sawed my head off if I had to make those films. (11:34pm)
Sherilyn: By all accounts, Clambake was one of the movies that pushed him over the edge. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley Van Halen Mash up - Burning Love (11:37pm)
Alan B.: Eminem feat. Elvis (Lose Yourself/Jailhouse Rock) Mashup (11:37pm)
Sherilyn: The National Archives' official online When Nixon Met Elvis exhibit: (11:37pm)
Alan B.: As an American, I'm pleased this happened. It makes me hate Nixon less, which is good for my soul. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley - Hurt - X-Rated (11:41pm)
Alan B.: ^^ this is awesome (11:42pm)
Alan B.: Elvis Presley Hits the Low Point of His Career in Baltimore (11:44pm)
Alan B.: (11:44pm)
Sherilyn: HIs concert two days before resulted in my favorite Elvis bootleg, if only because of the title: (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Presley, paunchy and apparently pained, first did 30 minutes marked by anemic singing, a few stilted attempts at his patented gyrations, bewildering patter and awkward stage movements that included having an aide hand-hold his voice mike. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: I love that song. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Karen Carpenter! (11:50pm)
Alan B.: elvis at the gates of heaven..stan lee cartoon (11:55pm)
Alan B.: ELVIS XXX: A PORN PARODY-official teaser (11:56pm)
Alan B.: (12:00am)
Alan B.: ^^ Elvis the Christmas Elf (12:00am)
Alan B.: Must bail, thanks for all the nice music. (12:04am)

May 28, 2014 10:00pm


Chaos theory is a field of study in mathematics, with applications in several disciplines including meteorology, sociology, physics, engineering, economics, biology, rendering long-term Radio Valencia practically impossible with current knowledge. this sensitive to initial conditions (a paradigm popularly referred to as the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND in numerical computation) yield widely diverging outcomes for such dynamical systems, theory was summarized by edward lorenz as follows: effect. small differences in initial conditions (such as those due to rounding errors and philosophy. chaos theory studies the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future behavior predictable.this behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos. the in other words, the deterministic nature of these systems does not make them is fully determined by their initial conditions, with no random elements like Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly or KrOB and Puzzling Evidence involved.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Logorrhea logorrhea logorrhea chirp chirp chirp.

Chatroom History
May 28, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

vj pussycat: hi (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: don't worry (10:51pm)
Karen Carpenter: thx (11:03pm)
Sesame Street alien: Only thing about Neil deGrasse Tyson is the way he GLIDES. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Sorry, friends, the cell phone alarm was willing, but the flesh was weak. (12:36am)
Alan B.: I took a wrong turn at Albert Qirkey. (12:38am)
Alan B.: Unseen forces kept me sleeping. (12:38am)
Alan B.: Who remains? (12:40am)
Alan B.: Obilo Quinobly (12:40am)
Alan B.: This guy is talking about old stuff. (12:45am)
Alan B.: I look on in helpless sorrow at an empty chatterbox. (12:48am)
Alan B.: Government Lethal Chamber (12:48am)
vj pussycat: i'm here. just listening (12:51am)
Alan B.: Hi, vj. I like this. (12:54am)
Alan B.: Soylent Green - The Scene (12:57am)
Alan B.: I'd take the hot shot for the Spring movement of The Four Seasons and some nature films (12:58am)
Alan B.: Tee hee (1:06am)
Alan B.: Ah Dustin. . . (1:11am)
Alan B.: Eat KrOB's food and send $5 to Reading Rainbow, Karen. (1:12am)
Alan B.: This whole show wears the red shirt. (1:18am)
Alan B.: Podcast leader, standing by. (1:20am)
Alan B.: Have fun not yammering chaotically. (1:23am)
Alan B.: Boo. (1:24am)
Alan B.: This has been most pleasant. Like pure old-days non-commerical radio. (1:24am)
Alan B.: I failed technology. Cell phone was ignored. (1:25am)
Alan B.: Apparently, his mutant ability was finding flying rifle shells. (1:25am)
Alan B.: J.R. "Jack" Kennedy (1:26am)
Alan B.: Stang will find a way to keep flogging it. (1:26am)
Alan B.: Leave SubGenius alone! (1:26am)
Alan B.: Will I fail technology again by avoiding the Government Lethal Chamber? (1:29am)
Alan B.: I would hate to miss another Facebook gun control thread. (1:30am)
Alan B.: I bet grandpa was thinking, "Boy, those deer look delicious." (1:30am)
Alan B.: Next NHLG theme "Old And In The Way" (1:32am)
Alan B.: VJ, are you calling? Not me. (1:33am)
Alan B.: I try. (1:33am)
Alan B.: The Alan B. Effete Effect (1:34am)
Alan B.: Me and my five sympathy streams. (1:34am)
Alan B.: Mom always said don't stream in the house. (1:34am)
Alan B.: Go home and pack, Karen Carpenter. (1:35am)
Alan B.: I've played that goddamn song 10 times. (1:35am)
Alan B.: Southern English Rock. (1:36am)
Alan B.: Don't bother. (1:37am)
Alan B.: I just checked and there are still DEVO tickets for Chicago. (1:39am)
Alan B.: Friar Tuck (1:39am)
Alan B.: Now with Bikram Butt Stench (1:40am)
Alan B.: Thanks for show, KrOB, I go sleep now. (1:43am)
Agent Aslan: 56745735674546345637 (2:18am)

May 21, 2014 10:00pm


Carnival. Such a simple concept... of, uh... what? What the gosh darn it is Carnival anway? According to your laptop, Carnival is a festive season which occurs immediately before Lent; the main events are usually during February. Uh, ok, but that would mean those Norwalk virus laden cruise boats should only sicken vacationing families right after New Years, while cable news reports vomiting souls on the high seas every week.

How about Carnivle, that short-lived Dust Bowl era TV show with eerie supernatural undertones? Cancelled abruptly, without closure. HBO instead decided to spin a long, violent and disturbing tale about an imaginary world of ice zombies, boobs, terrible accents and boobs. Screw you, George R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin.

Ah, here it is! Carnaval, the annual street parade and festival in San Francisco, California on the last weekend in May, known for spectacular choreographed dancers and scantily clad beautiful women. A celebration of rebirth every spring. An opportunity to purchase churros, BBQ burritos, jerk everyting mahn, and wash it down with an ice cold plastic bottle of water, sold to you by a charming 7 year old girl for one American dollar. Somehow, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence will cobble together a carnival-like atmosphere for your seasonal ritual of rebirth. Yeah, that's the ticket!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Anyway you spell it, it's still NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

Chatroom History
May 21, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

Alan B.: I always wanted to be a carny. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: A. Carney (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Undo theme. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Shit sucks. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: This also sucks. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Sucking up to Bob Marc is like fucking the write. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: writer. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Worse radio (10:15pm)
Alan B.: My favorite bad radio team, courtesy of Jay Mohr: Rape Kit and Crawl Space (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Fuck your Gang of Porns. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: There is not nearly enough technical adjustment this week. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Jesus Christ, you guys know some real assholes. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Wait, I'm wrong. You guys know some real cunts. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Darkest Nose Hair Lint Gland ever. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Body Count is back, my negroes. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Logorrhea After Brain Injury (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Stay out! (10:24pm)
Alan B.: BODY COUNT - Talk S**t, Get Shot (Official Music Video) (10:25pm)
Alan B.: You logorrheic tranny wannabes are far too interesting for Ann Arbor. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Pete's wall (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Oh, shit, here we go. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: The letter F and the numeral Truck. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: This is all going to be so awkward at the Radio Valencia Benefit. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: KrOB, I love that pic of Paris Hilton so much. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: The LEM cannot travel slower than 55,000 mph. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I was confused, but we midwesterners are slow. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I am touched, but I'm also outside the in joke. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I feel: Audio Book (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I like Pete's wall. It is made of attractive rectangular stuff. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Goddamn, Sherilyn, if I didn't do that very thing. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: February 1979 ABC Saturday Night Promo Love Boat & Fantasy (10:37pm)
Alan B.: (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Boy, will the SEO manager be confused when he sees this referer: (10:41pm)
Alan B.: I can't even get to SF, much less buy a cruise. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: There are two fans, there's VJ Pussycat. And Kat Herding. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: But you are only allowed one at at time. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: This show is missing the Bob Marc Effect. His channel that doesn't have enough gain is missed. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Who wrote this fucking letter?! (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Can I get Chronos to say, "Sucks times infinity like puce schlag on a sausage fest?" (10:45pm)
Alan B.: 45 minutes through burning tunnels. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Google translate: Spanish: Chupa veces infinito como schlag puce en un festival de la salchicha (10:52pm)
Alan B.: German: Sucks mal unendlich wie puce schlag auf einer Wurst Fest (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hmong: Tsis zoo sij hawm infinity zoo li puce schlag rau ib tug hnyuv ntxwm Fest (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hindi: %u090F%u0915 %u0938%u0949%u0938%u0947%u091C %u0909%u0924%u094D%u0938%u0935 %u092A%u0930 %u0917%u0939%u0930%u093E %u092D%u0942%u0930%u093E %u0930%u0902%u0917 schlag %u0910%u0938%u0947 %u0938%u092E%u092F %u0905%u0928%u0902%u0924 %u092C%u0947%u0915%u093E%u0930 (10:53pm)
Alan B.: This Chatterbox is not Unicode friendly. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Irish: Sucks amanna Infinity cosil schlag puce ar fest ispn (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Czech: Sucks krt nekone%u010Dno jako puce Schlaga na uzeniny fest (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Hey, seriously, did you guys have show while Hal was pounding on the door? Is it podcasted somewhere? (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Turkish: Bir sosis fest puce schlag gibi sonsuz kere berbat (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Dutch: Zuigt tijden oneindigheid zoals puce schlag op een worst fest (10:58pm)
Alan B.: HOTEL INDIA FOXTROT (10:59pm)
Alan B.: WE SAID FUCK YOU, MAN! (11:00pm)
Sesame Street alien: "%u0412%u0456%u0434%u0441%u0442%u04 56%u0439 %u0440%u0430%u0437 %u043D%u0435%u0441%u043A%u0456%u043D %u0447%u0435%u043D%u043D%u043E%u0441 %u0442%u0456 %u044F%u043A P%u016Bce %u0448%u043B%u0430%u0433%u0430 %u043D%u0430 %u043A%u043E%u0432%u0431%u0430%u0441 %u0438 %u0444%u0435%u0441%u0442%u0438%u0432 %u0430%u043B%u0456" (11:02pm)
Alan B.: yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip (11:02pm)
Sesame Street alien: indeed it doesn't like Unicode. The hell's the matter with Chatbox? (11:02pm)
Alan B.: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! (11:02pm)
Alan B.: I actually think that prevents SQL injection exploits. (11:03pm)
Sesame Street alien: "Ht l%u1EA7n v c%u1EF1c nh%u01B0 mu nu schlag trn m%u1ED9t lin hoan xc xch:" (11:03pm)
Alan B.: "Krob and Pete yammering, but the content was namedrops Sherilyn and other banal stuff." (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Norwegian: "Krob og Pete yammering, men innholdet var namedrops Sherilyn og andre banale ting." (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Basque: "Krob eta Pete yammering, baina edukia zen namedrops sherilyn eta beste hutsal gauzak." (11:05pm)
Sesame Street alien: Oh, the best: "Quod digerat temporum infinitum, sicut in pultem Jehovah puce schlag." (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Galacian: "Krob e Pete yammering, pero o contido era namedrops Sherilyn e outras cousas banais." (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Javanese: "Krob lan Pete yammering, nanging isi ana namedrops Sherilyn lan banal kuwi." (11:06pm)
Sesame Street alien: JEHOVAH PUCE SCHLAG (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Latin! SSA, you win. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: I'm fuckin' smart. (11:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: Strictly speaking, German would have a single word for "puce schlag on a sausage fest". (11:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: And maybe add a "-lichkeit" or something on the end for a word expressing "like p.s.o.a.s.f.". (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Fuck that guy, then ban him. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Any blowfish? (11:10pm)
Alan B.: "We have to generate more." Karen Carpenter, you are the greatest. I just split a gut laughing." (11:11pm)
Alan B.: I'm actually grooving to the Natalie Merchant. She got me through freshman Spanish, don't ask how. (11:13pm)
Sherilyn: There's no shame in that at all. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: You also have to hit your quarter hour maintenace and not ID the station going into spot breaks. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Are you guys building cume, or what? (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Have you considered an Animal Stories segment? (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Twenty Ways To Increase Your Cume (11:19pm)
Alan B.: What you need is a jingle package: (11:20pm)
Alan B.: My Radio Jingle Collection stations K. X. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: It%u2019s impossible to lure new people into your Radio lair unless you give them a darned good reason to try your station. (11:22pm)
Alan B.: "The old-fashioned %u2018Tell-A-Friend%u2019 campaign has always worked for us, (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Our spots feature a woman who we call %u2018Jan,%u2019 " he says. "She%u2019s a perfect reflection of our core listener. (11:23pm)
Alan B.: The theory of the %u2018$1,000 Cash Winners%u2019 Weekend%u2019 campaign is to get as many stickers out as fast as possible so there%u2019s an immediate visible and visual impact on the market, (11:23pm)
Alan B.: For the first one we did, KFOG sent someone Roller-blading on the Great Wall of China. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: We use a concept that I call %u2018Tune-In Cards,%u2019 which are handed out at big festivals or remotes on weekends, (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Still hiere. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: David Cross: (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Picts! (11:30pm)
Alan B.: Those jingles are building your cume! (11:31pm)
Alan B.: HOW do I hear this show?! (11:34pm)
Alan B.: Turn on (11:35pm)
Alan B.: tune in (11:35pm)
Alan B.: drop out. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Logorrhea, cha cha cha. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Hal! (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Now, play nice! (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, suckah pad! (11:44pm)
Alan B.: I once looked up that expression. (11:48pm)
Sesame Street alien: sighed the old petard, dying of being shot by a fucking cannon (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Hal is mostly correct. (11:49pm)
Sherilyn: NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN, ALAN. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: That is the source of Hal's vast charm. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: I would of course never directly challenge the veracity of any answer. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Karen, I'm afraid that we must fuck you because you can't take a joke. (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Doesn't he have a brand of sausage? (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Achtung, Adolph! (11:54pm)
Alan B.: It is a sickness. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: My condolences, Hal. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: I love this accordian piece. Does it have a name? (12:01am)
Alan B.: Is that a puce schlag scrote? (12:03am)
Alan B.: Good night, all. (12:10am)

May 14, 2014 10:00pm


Imagine a world where every word ever written, every picture ever painted, every soul ever damned to eternal torment, and every film ever shot can be viewed instantly in your home via an "information superhighway:" a high-capacity digital communications network that drives straight through all nine circles of the Inferno, all the way from Limbo through Alta Vista and CNET straight to Treachery. Abandon all hope, ye who join Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly (with profligates KrOB and Puzzling Evidence) on a ride through the ones and zeros of Paradise Lost. Wanna cyber? Tonight, we download in Hell. Can't be more FINAL BROADCAST than that.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Better to reign on Friendster than serve on Facebook.

Chatroom History
May 14, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Sesame Street alien: though it doesn't seem to be updating (10:13pm)
Sesame Street alien: wait, there it does (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: the website is not woeking either (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: it was working for rapido (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: me too karen (10:51pm)

May 7, 2014 10:00pm


Radio Valencia Continued Remedial Adult Education Equivalency Course #2: SAFETY.

It has come to the attention of the Administration that some students have not been applying important lessons from the most basic high school courses, i.e. those which address issues of personal safety. The courses which you missed or slept through are Health and Personal Hygiene, Wood / Metal Shop Safety and Driver's Education. These courses are particularly special, as they have given up every pretense of logical instruction based on rational self-interest, instead resorting to educating by terror: going blind, mutilations, blood loss, incurable infections and certain death. Why did they wait until you were a senior?

Tonight for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, instructors Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, with Teaching Assistants KrOB and Puzzling Evidence, will guide you through unsafe sex, forgetting to wear your safety goggles and teenage drunk driving in the rain with bald tires.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Shit gets real.

Chatroom History
May 7, 2014 10:00pm - 2:30am

Alan B.: Elvis Costello Dust 2 (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Hello, ladies and germs. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Not only is Dr. Fiasco prominently featured on the RV website, but he is on the audio promos running on RoboDJ (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Will there be Spy Emerson's Fuck Truck in this episode? (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Nice podcast ya got here. Be a shame if it had a horrible traffic accident. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Something in the mix is making a horrible high-frequency squeal which disappears when someone talks on the mic. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Disappears (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Factually inaccurate (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: sounds fine here (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: hi y'all (10:25pm)
Alan B.: It is better now. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Hi, VJ Pussycat! (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Thanks, technicians! (10:25pm)
Sherilyn: Also, we're not allowed to talk about that one thing you mentioned, Alan. (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: you did? i didn't hear that (10:26pm)
Sherilyn: NOT ALLOWED, I say! (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Squeals or promos? (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Or Fuck Trucks? (10:26pm)
Sherilyn: NOT ALLOWED!1!11!!!!1 (10:26pm)
Alan B.: The magic word. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: I promise to never mention the fuck truck. (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: what can't we talk about? (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Doh! (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: we can't say fuck truck? (10:27pm)
Alan B.: STOP SAYING FUCK TRUCK!!11 (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Sorry for raising my voice. (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: why can't we say fuck truck? (10:29pm)
Alan B.: I wonder if Chronos could say F--- T----. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: VJ, the answer is NOT in this banned video: (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Sounds lovely. (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: ok, i will not watch the banned video that does not have the answer (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Wonderful! (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Don't look at this, either (10:31pm)
Alan B.: I'm excited about this show theme, by the way. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: ok i wont, but i'm not done not watching the other one (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I think we should hear DEVO sing about Ohio. We need to teach college kids not to pop off about our police actions. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: For their safety. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: The Ohio National Guard killed my dog, Snuggles. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Thanks, Karen. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Texting and Driving, It Can Wait -- AT&T Commercial (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: WHAT?! (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Texting While Driving Auto Accidents Firm Branded :30 TV Commercial (10:40pm)
Alan B.: You can say f---y but I can't say F--- T----? (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: right?!! (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: that's ist (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Rod Stewart - Mandolin wind (live).avi (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: fennel greed doesn't pay (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Speaking of f---y. (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: moral of this story: (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: don't eat at bob marc's if he has an excessive mount of bloody (10:43pm)
Alan B.: You can actually hear this one: (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: bandaids (10:44pm)
Alan B.: It's all protien. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: protein? (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: SLOW RAM! (10:45pm)
Alan B.: No sound work necessary. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Next: Ram played 800 percent slower. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Pete is the new Don Rickles. (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: DONT SAY THAT (10:52pm)
Alan B.: And now, time for some Jim Steinman: Pandora's Box - Safe Sex (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Caldecott Tunnel Fire (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Anatomy of a disaster: The 1982 Caldecott Tunnel fire that killed seven (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Car Catches Fire In Caldecott Tunnel - YouTube (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Decoding Disaster - Accident Fire St Gotthard Tunnel 2001 Switzerland (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Hee hee. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Fuck that guy. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: The tiles and grout on the walls of the tunnel were damaged and spalled by intense heat all the way to the entrance portal, 1,720 ft away (520 m). Over the first 750 ft (230 m) east of the fire site, there was spalling of the concrete false ceiling and of the concrete walls behind the tiles. Spalling stopped at the steel reinforcement bars, approximately 3 in (7.6 cm) below the concrete surface. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: What's that, I'm reading about tunnel fires. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: How-To: Create Your Own Snail Habitat | MAKE: Craft (11:06pm)
Alan B.: My son has a gecko now. His habitat cost more than mine. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: (11:09pm)
Alan B.: I'm sorry, I love this stupid song. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Don't day f---y fuck truck midget! (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Otay, Pank! (11:10pm)
Alan B.: He was there for Dr. Hal last Friday, hmmmmm. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Hmmmmm. We're speaking in pronouns, now. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: Is this about the A-- D-. H-- S---? (11:13pm)
Alan B.: (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Cape comics have crawled up their own ass. (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Duck and cover! (11:26pm)
Alan B.: The Top 16 Anti-Gay Activists Caught Being Gay (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Sexual Predator Warning Signs (11:28pm)
Alan B.: "The typical sexual predator is very immature in his or her understanding of intimacy. It is like they really want closeness, but they lack the skills to feel satisfaction and trust. These feelings of frustration erupt into anger many times, and it is in this stage that the individual can become dangerous. Their acts are desperate. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Refusal to take responsibility for actions and blames others or circumstances for failures A sense of entitlement Low self-esteem Need for power and control Lack of empathy Inability to form intimate relationships with adults History of abuse Troubled childhood Deviant sexual behavior and attitudes (11:29pm)
Alan B.: This show took a sharp turn. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Glen or Glenda? (11:34pm)
Alan B.: I love clueless undergrads. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: Ahhh, the French. (11:37pm)
Alan B.: Ralph was sick. (11:37pm)
Alan B.: I love this Pinky and the Brain bit. (11:43pm)
Alan B.: Sherilyn, that is an excellent find. (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Is this canon? (11:47pm)
Sherilyn: Thanks. It's been one of my most favorite things for a long time. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Longer Carrie Fisher Star Wars Audition (11:49pm)
Alan B.: In the depths of your ignorance, what is it that you want?! (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Yes, punk is Dad. My daughter listens to The Ramones and just shakes her head. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: So, really no Puzzling Evidence afterparty? (11:52pm)
Listen: to youyr heart, there, Alam B. (11:54pm)
The Audience: Does your mother know? (11:54pm)
The Story Tellers: HHUUURRRRRRRY UUPP!! (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Like The Batman, my mother is DEAAAAAAAD! (11:55pm)
The Story Tellers: Batman (11:55pm)
The Story Tellers: So that's what the B is for? (11:55pm)
Alan B.: na na an an na na na na Batman! (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Yes. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Alan Batman. (11:56pm)
God: Thank me (11:56pm)
God: The Story Tellers? (11:57pm)
God: Now. (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Puzzling Story Tellers. (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Nighty night! (11:58pm)
The Story Tellers: we appeal to you, oh God Of Radioo......Now There are stealing Hal's Closing! (11:58pm)
Alan B.: I know, right? The Hurting of Hal never ceases. (11:58pm)
I thinlk pizzling: everdunce is not far away.. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: He's peeling himself off the beluga foreskin as we type. (11:58pm)
type: , you're not mime (12:00am)
Stop: that Noose Fair Glint KLand (12:01am)
Alan B.: Frozen song is best song. (12:01am)
The Jets: ,cooling on the ways (12:01am)
Show: on a stick (12:02am)
The Story Smellers: We're on Now (12:02am)
Alan B.: Chocolate dipped show. (12:02am)
The Show: starts nows (12:02am)
Alan B.: Short show. (12:04am)
Alan B.: S'allright. (12:06am)
Alan B.: Thanks, Bob Marc! (12:07am)
Alan B.: You guys are okay, I don't care what they say. (12:07am)

April 30, 2014 10:00pm


Prerequisites: Physics for Poets, and/or a demonstrated lack of understanding of the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation.

Description: An introduction to clinical, scientific, and philosophical of studies of human sexuality. Emphasis on contemporary research, modern medical and sexological understanding, and psychological and phenomenological insights into human sexual experience and behavior. Topics surveyed include sexual and psychosexual development, sexual health and disease, romantic love and sexual desire, and sexual variations. This course is offered as the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, SRP 450, ADH 301, and DHT 224. Students may not repeat the course under an alternate prefix.

Instructors: Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, with Teaching Assistants KrOB and Puzzling Evidence.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Because even in 2014 San Francisco, some people don't get it.

Chatroom History
April 30, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: A special two-hour NHLG. (10:00pm)
Alan B.: Whitey on the moon is a cis male. (10:02pm)
Alan B.: Oh, shit, they went there, straight out the box. (10:02pm)
Alan B.: Say, penis! (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Robbing peter to pay prick. (10:04pm)
Alan B.: What is inside the female penis? (10:08pm)
Alan B.: The comedy stylings of Wet and Sticky. (10:11pm)
dj deadhair: sticky theme tonight! (10:11pm)
Alan B.: No jacking off in the living room. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: J--- R----- expects serious business. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Never say "no." (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Give me a time, a situation, and a developmentally disabled teen masturbating. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Hee hee hee (10:17pm)
Alan B.: This theme is disturbing and therefore excellent. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: I join Bob Marc in cringing. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Breast racing! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: We can help the developmentally disabled to keep fucking that chicken. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Helping the developmentally disabled to love the accordian. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Hee heee (10:31pm)
Sherilyn: The most useful page on the internet:"Weird_Al"_Ya nkovic_polka_medleys (10:31pm)
Alan B.: ^^ (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Is rough anal sex safe? (10:40pm)
Alan B.: The vagina will take a bowling ball. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: How To Have Anal Sex For The First Time (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Help!! My boyfriend doesn't like anal sex! (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Ask me a question and I'll reply, cottaging cottaging cottaging pie. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: The men's vaginas are impervious to dirt. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Fallopian Tuvanthroat singers (10:48pm)
Alan B.: (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Did Elvis ever run at the head of a long line of costars to the tune of Hackey Sax? (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Venereal Disease Covers the Earth (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Hee hee (10:57pm)
Alan B.: That's fuckin' awesome (11:00pm)
Alan B.: We said fuck you, we're having sex, man!~ (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Me too, Sherilyn!! (11:03pm)
Alan B.: %u2018There Was Nothing Else Like It%u2019: Jon Stewart on His Days As a Bartender at New Jersey%u2019s Greatest Punk Club (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Watch Butthole Surfers' Gibby Haynes Discuss Book About City Gardens on "The Daily Show" (11:04pm)
Alan B.: I'm pleased to be the smallest part of show. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Oh, no! That's crazy. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Venom - Live At City Gardens, NJ. CLASSIC. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: There was one? (11:06pm)
Alan B.: YEAH! We can still love The Pet Shop Boys AND Melvins! (11:08pm)
dj deadhair: SOFT CELL ! (11:08pm)
dj deadhair: oh, ok. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: AND SOFT CELL! (11:08pm)
Longlivemyhair: and coft sell! (11:08pm)
Longlivemyhair: Oh NO! OHNOOOO!!! (11:09pm)
Alan B.: THEMelvins dot NET?! What the actual FUCK, John Hagen-Brenner?! (11:09pm)
Alan B.: When I'm old I'm going to wake-and-bake and have Melvins hair. (11:10pm)
Alan B.: All discussions of gender and orientation resemble land mines to me. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Or mine fields, even. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: My favoriate Pet Shop Boys song: (11:13pm)
Alan B.: My favorite Billy Bragg song -- happy May Day! (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Jocelyn Elders got totally fucked over. (11:19pm)
dj deadhair: because sharks. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Well, this show has cured me. I don't ever want sex again. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Alan B. (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Okay, back, Comcast rebooted its router. (11:45pm)

April 23, 2014 10:00pm


Buy, buy, buy, buy a bond, and by and by, the bonds you buy will bring you victory. Buy, buy, buy, buy a bond, and you'll be standing by the victory arch when Juan Rapido comes marching home again.

The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is no time to say you've done enough. This is the time to really do your stuff. And even if you can't be a soldier in the ranks like Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, you can be the person that helps supply the guns and planes and tanks.

This is the time for you to do your best. This is no time for you to take a rest. The enemy is reeling and his morale is low, so now's the time to fall in line and deal the final blow.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Buy a bond... or some raffle tickets.

Chatroom History
April 23, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: Mystery show. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Gary U.S. Bonds : Quarter To Three ( 1961 ) (10:02pm)
Alan B.: Show theme: (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Bonded for Life (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Bugs Bunny: Any Bonds Today (Full Version) (W/ Lyrics) (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Bing Sings "Buy Buy Bonds" (10:06pm)
Alan B.: No, seriously, what's the show theme? (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Sherilyn! (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Hi, KrOB! (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Marc! (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Karen! (10:09pm)
Alan B.: ... or kill KrOB! (10:09pm)
Alan B.: When you invite me to your show on Facebook, can _I_ fly to San Francisco and sit on the beluga foreskin couch? (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Those are love taps. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Oh, I'm aware. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: It never does to meet radio folks. They are introverts who like attention. AWK-ward. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: That's hilarious. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Oh, are you fundraising? I would give you some, (10:19pm)
Alan B.: but I already gave it all to Hal. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Test (10:22pm)
Alan B.: His name is Schicklgruber! (10:25pm)
Alan B.: When will these bonds mature? (10:27pm)
Alan B.: John and Mary Schicklgruber. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Hitler Never Really Was Schicklgruber (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Remember when we praised and supported Labor, instead of shitting on it? (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Taps for Booper. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Yeah! (10:31pm)
Alan B.: "Are you buying a 1999 Saturn?" "No! That would be silly." (10:31pm)
Alan B.: "I'm buying a 2002 Saturn." (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I LOL'd (10:32pm)
Sherilyn: You're welcome! (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Karen, what kind of van do you have for your business? If that's not personal. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: 87.9 MHz (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Sure. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Nice. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: NO SHIT! GM fucking can't stop getting rid of good vehicles. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: It might be time to shop for a new vehicle. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: I had a 1990 Astro Van, with the truck body frame. I stupidly sold it for $200 because I couldn't put baby seats in the back. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I miss that stupid car. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: (10:37pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Always good to have a guy who can spin planets backwards selling government securities, instead of tearing Tojo's head off. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Fuck Superman, Batman and Robin. (10:39pm)
Alan B.: I would love an Old Time Radio edition of NHLG. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: I love that Bob Hope "Thanks for the Memories" theme. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Free Hadrons Best Hadrons (10:42pm)
Alan B.: COPA is what I get for being a fatass, I mean he gets for being a fatass (10:44pm)
Alan B.: I love and loathe Bob Hope in equal measure. Intensely. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: I didn't want to be too stalkerish on your page, Sherilyn, but I agree. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: That magical realism fella. (10:49pm)
Sherilyn: QUIT BEING A STALKER, ALAN!!!! (10:50pm)
Alan B.: I know, right?! (10:51pm)
Alan B.: LBJ's Bunghole Needs Room! (10:57pm)
Alan B.: KRONOS (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Just splice GL- and -AND together. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, guys! (11:01pm)
Alan B.: What the fuck with the war bonds? (11:01pm)
Alan B.: You mean mid-40s (11:02pm)
Alan B.: But I agree. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Making 'Mercia free for balding, white male entertainers. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Are we having Puzzling Evidence extra innings this morning? (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Rapeman - 'Two Nuns And a Pack Mule' Full Album HD) (11:06pm)
Alan B.: It is a catchy fucking song. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" Sequence Performed by Idina Menzel (11:08pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Please play in three browser tabs. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Sounds great! (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Putting the cock back in cacophany. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: cacophony (11:11pm)
Alan B.: That's it, I'm buying a goddamn raffle ticket. (11:12pm)
Raffle Ticket: Take ME!!!! (11:12pm)
Alan B.: Frozen - Let It Go (Japanese Version) %u3010Lyrics/Romaji/Trans%u3011 (11:14pm)
Alan B.: We're Bringing The War Back Home Lyrics (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Firesign Theatre - How can you be . . . Bringing the War Back Home (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Sorry, I'm an idiot. It's at 22:13 (11:32pm)
Alan B.: (11:33pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ That one works. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: John Fast (11:33pm)
Alan B.: NEVER VISIT SHOW (11:35pm)
Alan B.: (11:36pm)
Alan B.: 1941 Theme FTW (11:46pm)
Alan B.: He's not allowed! (11:50pm)
Alan B.: NOT INVITED! (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Of course, he is an elder statesman and welcome in all shows. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Hal! (11:50pm)
Alan B.: The National Tantrum. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: And now, I leave you in peace. Thanks for playing "Let It Go" too much. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Our long, national nightmare is over. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: Okay, I'm going to stick around for 20 minutes or so of Pete and Hal schmooze. (12:02am)

Dr. Fiasco's Show
April 16, 2014 10:00pm


Chatroom History
April 16, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: Hello, Whitey on the Moon, do you read me? (10:01pm)
Alan B.: I would just like to take this moment to announce that I replaced the igniter on my clothes dryer tonight. Go me! (10:02pm)
Alan B.: Viva Brazil! (10:03pm)
Alan B.: More gain for Bob Marc, please. (10:03pm)
LUCY!: hidey-ho nosehairs!!! whiteys on the whaaaaaat???? (10:06pm)
Alan B.: Maytag Dryer Model LDG5910AAL Igniter Parts (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Trolling is a art. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: 87.9 MHz (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Hal! (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Hi, The Adversary! (10:12pm)
Alan B.: FINALLY!! (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Did Juan have a stroke? (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Dammit Pete! (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Quickdraw McGraw's sidekick was Baba Booey (10:15pm)
Alan B.: VH1 Classic is digging through pop culture collectibles with hosts Gary Dell'Abate and Jon Hein. to find out what they're really worth. "For What It's Worth" explores the intricate world of music and pop culture memorabilia, and the mind of "The Collector." (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Howard Stern was the man. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Huginn and Muninn (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Thank God Dr. Hal is there or this show would be 100 percent animation misinformatin. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: oto_01_md.jpg (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Shoot. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: The Censored Eleven WB cartoons (10:19pm)
Sesame Street alien: Russian Rhapsody features the Stalin mask. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Censored Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies Guide (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Perhaps the best Warner Bros. cartoon ever, directed by Bob Clampett -- Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Russian Rhapsody (1944) (10:22pm)
Alan B.: The Absent-Minded Professor (10:23pm)
Alan B.: My wife refuses to watch black & white. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Son of Flubber -- indeed in color (10:25pm)
Alan B.: FINALLY!! (10:25pm)
Alan B.: WTF Dr. Fiasco. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: The worst made-for-TV movie ever: Fuck-o and the Polish Scientist (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Falstaff (Chimes At Midnight) (10:28pm)
Alan B.: How about Laurel and Hardy in Babes in Toyland? (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Hey, that's her. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: THAT'S AMAZING! (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Pete, you should show her Martin Scorsese's Hugo. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Shoot. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: My pleasure! (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Everyone reading this needs to donate to Radio Valencia. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Films for families: The top 50 movies to watch as a family (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Miracle on 34th Street (1947) (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (1985) (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Freaky Friday (1976) (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Bright Eyes (1934) The original child superstar, Shirley Temple was never better than in this prototypical Temple-esque tale of a curly-haired orphan trying to live with her kindly pilot godfather. To watch the moppet perform "On the Good Ship Lollipop" is to witness onscreen precociousness at its finest. Rated PG. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958) (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Mary Poppins (1964) (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Kiki's Delivery Service (1989) (10:45pm)
Alan B.: The Sound of Music (1965) (10:45pm)
Alan B.: The Red Balloon (1956) (10:46pm)
Alan B.: My Neighbor Totoro (1988) (10:46pm)
Alan B.: The Wizard of Oz (1939) (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Thanks for playing Strummer/Clash stuff, Bob Marc (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Fiasco FINALLY rescues NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Is Sherilyn well? Or just carless. :( (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Did Pete install a Hadron vent? (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Did you just whistle to Puzzling Evidence? (10:53pm)
Sesame Street alien: "blood moon" only if you have diarrhea for blood (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Always hurting Hal's Hadrons. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Time for a station ID and Kronos. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Blow Power (11:02pm)
Alan B.: FINALLY!! (11:03pm)
vj pussycat: what about wizard of oz and of course willy wonka! (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Exactly. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Gee, a newsreel AND a cartoon! (11:06pm)
Alan B.: I thought Pete was Jewish? (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Huh. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, fuck that guy. (11:12pm)
Hitler: I'm waiting... (11:13pm)
Alan B.: The real answer is that no child needs to think about Hitler or the Problem of Evil until the child reaches The Age or Reason, about age 7. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: And then you rely upon their own discovery of their own mortality. Once they internalize that they and everyone they love will die some day, they have expanded their consciousness sufficiently to start on that really hard stuff. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: I know that religion isn't popular among some folks, but it is helpful to have a moral framework established somehow, some way, to serve as a hook for guys like Hitler. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: We hate Hilter because he broke THIS rule and THIS rule and THIS rule. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Kids love rules. (11:17pm)
Rule the kids...: Ok? (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Watchmen (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Love and Rockets (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Yes, Tin Tin. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: They had a half-price sale and I bought the entire run of Love and Rockets. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: 1000 percent for Fables, excellent. (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Try out Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Louis Riel by Chester Brown (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Hey, my erection! (11:25pm)
Alan B.: From Hell (11:26pm)
Alan B.: I can't hear Hal (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Whatever Happened to the World of Tomorrow? (11:29pm)
Alan B.: The Invisibles by Grant Morrison (11:31pm)
Alan B.: Transmetropolitan (11:32pm)
Alan B.: I really like the R. Crumb and Aline Kominsky-Crumb colletion Drawn Together (11:34pm)
Babymetal world rocks.: OK! (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Have you noticed that I haven't said Maus, yet? (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Fabulous Furry Freak Bros. (11:37pm)
Alan B.: It is kinda goofy, but I've read all of Girl Genius: (11:40pm)
noche: I love this track (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Jesus, even here with the Frozen song. (11:42pm)
Alan B.: No escape. (11:42pm)
Alan B.: Any comics fan should read The Amazing Adventures of Kavlier and Clay. (11:43pm)
Alan B.: Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters, and the Birth of the Comic Book (11:46pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Best book about the early comic book industry (11:46pm)
Alan B.: (11:46pm)
Alan B.: The Ten-Cent Plague: The Great Comic Book Scare And How It Changed America (11:47pm)
Alan B.: Hey, I need a new Maytag! With an igniter! (11:48pm)
Alan B.: I like the PE, tho. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: National Lampoon Television Show - Lemmings (1973) (11:49pm)
Alan B.: How could I forget poor Harvey Pekar and American Splendor? (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Y: The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Well, it has been fun. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Thanks, Dr. Fiasco! You FINALLY cleaned up this Agean stable. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Oh, that crazy JFK and his calls for transparency. (12:01am)
Alan B.: I don't give a fuck abou an audience. (12:10am)
Alan B.: So, is this the officially paid-for Puzzling Evidence show these days? (12:17am)
URSULA!!: ahh, the gorilla glue hand incident (12:44am)

April 9, 2014 10:00pm


When Ron Howard steals Sherilyn's 1999 Saturn, high-speed hijinks ensue! Ron Howard's funnier and faster, he's a high-speed disaster!

Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly (along with pit crew KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, and the Real Don Steele) are in hot pursuit on FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND! See 93 cars destroyed in the most incredible chase ever filmed: Rolls Royce, Cadillac, Lincoln, Mercedes, Porsche, and 43 Screaming Street Machines! It slams you on a full-throttle ride you'll never forget!

It's a love story with cars. Also, it's a comedy...with car crashes. Ron wrestles his red-hot Rolls onto two wheels into a spectacular chickie-run with a whirlybird! You've never seen such goings-on!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Having popped the clutch, we would now like to kindly ask the world to eat our dust.

Chatroom History
April 9, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Serial tipper: They took the tip home. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Oh, good, I didn't miss contractor talk. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Grab your punch-down tool and tug. (10:48pm)
Floyd: Boring, the only Secret Service agent to kill while on duy (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Video: How to Punch Down Cat5e/Cat6 (10:51pm)
Banjo: the only American instrument (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Comics: The only American art form (10:52pm)
No: Not even... (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Hal!! (10:53pm)
Positivland : Car Bomb (10:53pm)
Dr. Penny: Car 54 tipped over (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Rodolphe Topffer (10:54pm)
Fenster: ,I'm; You're Dickens (10:54pm)
Alan B.: He'll never make it. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Yeah!!!! (10:55pm)
Yawp: T, Mr. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: The NARD is silent. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: as Puzzling Evidence. (10:55pm)
Yawp: National AirBorne Radio Department (10:56pm)
Dr. Penny: Alanling Bvidence (10:57pm)
Alan B.: P'zl'g Ev'd'nce (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Mister Mxyzptlk: (10:58pm)
Dr. Penny: And then Puzzling Evidence found out that the three channels were a conspiracy. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Penny! (10:58pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan B.! (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Everyone in CHI-cuh-go is a dumbass who pronouncess it Chi-CAW-go. Including me. (10:59pm)
Alan B.: FUCKS COUNTY (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I'm a Bohunk! Sound off with your prejorative ethnic slang! (11:00pm)
Alan B.: David Mxyzptlk (11:01pm)
Alan B.: The SubGenius have only managed to kill "Bob." You have to kill more people than that to get a cool HQ. (11:02pm)
Dr. Penny: The rhythmic Mxyzptlk (11:03pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco shall peppie up the show. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Has Wrong Rapido been harmed? (11:05pm)
Alan B.: You have to ram it in the Large Hadron Collector. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Or is it Collider? And isn't that sub-atomic particle illegal? (11:06pm)
Sesame Street alien: mitosis (11:06pm)
Dr. Penny: It's being legalized everywhere. (11:07pm)
Dr. Penny: if not already, like cali and colerado (11:08pm)
Alan B.: The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Riff Raff - Hello (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Behind the Corn Curtain, we have to lie about it bein' our med'cin. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: STOP HURTING JUAN! (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Sherilyn, I do feel badly for you. :( (11:10pm)
Alan B.: "Well, this is definately Lower Wacker Drive!" (11:11pm)
Sherilyn: Thank you, Alan. I appreciate it. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Get Hal to tell the Arizona toad hunt/squeezin' story again. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: That's a crime, if you don't buy your fishing license. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: I appreciate Dr. Hal mentioning that my question has been received. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: I LOVE COMIC BOOKS! (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: Me too! (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: I am so loving the latest Ms. Marvel series. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter should read this comix: Mickey Mouse Meets the Air Pirates Funnies (11:18pm)
Alan B.: I will seek that out on your say-so, Dr. Penny. (11:18pm)
Alan B.: I like Love and Rockets, R. Crumb. (11:18pm)
Dr. Penny: Ooooh, Rocket Raccon is so great in the Guardians of the Galaxy title. I've not been impressed by the movie trailers that are out, though. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: I hope it isn't another Howard the Duck (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Keep fuckin' that chicken. (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Can't beat The World According to Garp for an epic car accident. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Are you guys DJ Quackenbush yet? (11:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Ducking and weaving all around the wild west. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Unafraid of Spoken Word (11:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Spoken, on the radio. (11:29pm)
Quake of The Bush: Joke Not about The Air Wavs You are without... (11:30pm)
Quake of The Bush: Holy Radio, BatMan...what is that show? (11:30pm)
Alan B.: Dawn comes up like thunder (11:33pm)
Dr. Penny: Karen tripped and couldn't get up. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Let me tell you about the very rich. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: They are (11:35pm)
Alan B.: different (11:36pm)
Alan B.: from you and me. (11:36pm)
Quake of The Bush: Always havee been, always will be (11:36pm)
Alan B.: They possess and enjoy early, (11:36pm)
Alan B.: and it does something to them, (11:36pm)
Quake of The Bush: as we should, also (11:36pm)
Alan B.: makes them soft (11:36pm)
Logout: of the Ewhole eThing (11:36pm)
Alan B.: where we are hard, (11:36pm)
Alan B.: and cynical (11:37pm)
Alan B.: where we are trustful, (11:37pm)
Alan B.: in away that, (11:37pm)
Alan B.: unless you are born rich, (11:37pm)
Alan B.: it is very difficult to understand. (11:37pm)
Alan B.: They think, deep in their hearts, (11:37pm)
Alan B.: that they are better than we are (11:37pm)
Alan B.: because we had to discover the conpensations and refuges of life for ourselves. (11:38pm)
Dr. Penny: Hellooooo Nurse!!!!!!!!!!! (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Jodorowsky's Dune screenings: (11:39pm)
Alan B.: MAPLE THEATER BLOOMFIELD HILLS MI 04/18/2014 (11:41pm)
Dr. Penny: What if it's in somewhere like Lake Tahoe? 30 minutes may not be eoungh. (11:42pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter's back yard is full of dead campaign workers. (11:46pm)
Dr. Penny: Aunt Bertha vs. the Puzzling Evidence Werewolf. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter's back yard is full of guys who wouldn't look at his screen. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: I' (11:48pm)
Alan B.: I'll put $20 on Aunt Bertha. (11:48pm)
Aunt Bertha: Thank you, young wolf. (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Tin foil codpieces (11:49pm)
Dr. Penny: They didn't move as the BSG flighters flew in. (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Tin foil, also spelled tinfoil, is a thin foil made of tin. Actual tin foil was superseded by cheaper and more durable[citation needed] aluminium foil after World War II, although aluminium foil is still referred to as "tin foil" in many regions. (See also tin can.) (11:50pm)
Alan B.: (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Tin foil is stiffer than aluminium foil. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Tin foil was used as a filling for tooth cavities prior to the 20th century. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: The first audio recordings on phonograph cylinders were made on tin foil. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Tin was first replaced by aluminium starting in 1910, when the first aluminium foil rolling plant, %u201CDr. Lauber, Neher & Cie., Emmishofen.%u201D was opened in Kreuzlingen, Switzerland. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: My son loves Lemony Snicket stuff. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Six minutes until DJ Quackenbush's Disco Spoken Word FunTemple (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Tune in every Wednesday for Karen Carpenter's External Validation. (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Band name: Dirty Orange Cones (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Three minutes until DJ Quackenbush's Rapidly Spinning Spoken Word JoyFest (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Octagon - Earth People (11:58pm)
Dr. Penny: Spinning rapidly around stuff. (11:58pm)
Aunt Bertha: More Stable. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: Bob Marc squeezes in The Minutemen! (12:00am)
Dr. Penny: Donning a tophat tin foil hat. (12:00am)
Alan B.: Frank Zappa - Who Needs the Peace Corps? (12:00am)
Alan B.: Look out for Hadrons. (12:01am)
Dr. Penny: Tap dancing across the studio. (12:02am)
Alan B.: I don't know why people give Seth McFarlane shit, he's a hilarious writer. (12:03am)
Alan B.: H.L. "Bob" Mencken (12:03am)
Alan B.: When the music's over, turn out the light. (12:05am)
Alan B.: Red Sovine - Teddy Beear (12:09am)
Alan B.: This DJ Quackenbush is pretty good. (12:09am)
Alan B.: Thanks, K-Rob! (12:10am)
Alan B.: KrOB! (12:10am)
Alan B.: Okay, I win the Internets, time for bed. Have a wonderful show, Dr. Hal! (12:10am)
Alan B.: NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Able to ruin anything for ya. (12:11am)
Dr. Penny: G'night Alan B., nhlg, etc. (12:12am)
Karen Carpenter: i am the audience (1:57am)
Aunt Bertha: and blessed you are at that (2:05am)

April 2, 2014 9:00pm


Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. Starring Nicholas Cage as Captain James T. Kirk. John Cage as Vulcan Lt. Commander Spock. Music by Cage the Elephant.

Tonight's Episode... The Cage.

Screenplay by Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, and Bob-Marc. Special Effects by KrOB. Extended Director's Cut by Puzzling Evidence. FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND included on the box DVD collection.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Completely original.

Chatroom History
April 2, 2014 9:00pm - 4:30am

NHLG: pre-NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND... waste of space (9:25pm)
NHLG: Ron Rapido will hate me for this one (9:41pm)
Kat Herding: you must be just what I needed (10:22pm)
Kat Herding: operators are standing by... (10:28pm)
Kat Herding: (10:31pm)
Perfect Timing: Ummmmm, SPOILER?? (10:46pm)
Perfect Timing: Well, this isn't working... (10:47pm)
Perfect Timing: Ugh... Lag. (10:47pm)

March 26, 2014 10:00pm


It's hard to imagine any low power community radio station manager today watching Alejandro Jodorowsky's bizarre and formally experimental El Topo and The Holy Mountain who wouldn't think he would be the perfect candidate to host a big budget version of Radio Valencia's classic and original program NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. So naturally that's exactly what's not happening tonight.

Now, granted, the similarities between the drug-fueled midnight movie craze of the early 1970s, and NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND in the mid-2010s are hard to miss, and the inescapable fact that Radio Valencia frequently promises an eclectic crew of collaborators (including Salvador Dali, Mick Jagger, Orson Welles, Pink Floyd, Jean 'Moebius' Giraud, H.R. Giger and Frank Chu), making such a collaboration virtually assured... however, unlike his oft-quoted statement that he never read "Dune" before tackling that project, Jodorowsky did listen to a podcast of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND and declared it "un-listenable, incomprehensible and utterly inane!", before firing his agent.

So we got Kurt Stenzel, creator of the soundtrack to Frank Pavich's new documentary, Jodorowsky's Dune, instead. Kurt will join Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc, Salvador Dali, Mick Jagger, Orson Welles, Pink Floyd, Jean 'Moebius' Giraud, and H.R. Giger for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. OK, we couldn't get Frank Chu, but Kurt Stenzel is the most famous person to come by since those two Norwegian TV stars, what were their names?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: A Quixotic, depressing, un-inspirational and exhaustively futile attempt at radio that should never have been made.

Chatroom History
March 26, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Jessica Flange. (10:00pm)
Alan B.: EL TOPO (1970) Trailer for Alejendro Jodorowsky's surreal symbolic western masterpiece (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Kurt Stenzel is the guest. (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Wall Street Journal: Film Clip: Jodorowsky's Dune:!E4CE0B09- CBBF-4D93-96AD-C36E5CC5AFC3 (10:05pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Jodorowsky's Dune (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Pete is always ready to ask all the questions in the first 15 minutes of the two-hour show. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Embarcadero Center Cinema v1tflphboon0cg2f%29%29/Ticketing.asp x?TheatreID=224 (10:11pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Splooge all over that movie (10:12pm)
Alan B.: There is a Hebraic legend which says: "the Messiah will not be a man but one day: the day when all the human beings will be illuminated. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: "Kabbalistes speak about a conscience collective, cosmic, a species of mta-Universe. And here are what for me all the DUNE project was. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Jodorowsky's Dune Trailer (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Alejandro Jodorowsky (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Psychomagic: The Transformative Power of Shamanic Psychotherapy (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Stay away, Kat Herding! (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Turd, meet punchbowl. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Healing Family Wounds: Alejandro Jodorowsky's New Masterpiece, "The Dance of Reality," His First Film in 23 Years (10:19pm)
Alan B.: (10:19pm)
Alan B.: La Danza de la Realidad (The Dance of Reality) - Trailer - Alejandro (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Panic Movement (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Inspired by and named after the god Pan, and influenced by Luis Buuel and Antonin Artaud's Theatre of Cruelty, the group concentrated on chaotic and surreal performance art, as a response to surrealism becoming mainstream. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Brontis Jodorowsky on Playing His Grandfather in Dad Alejandro's 'The Dance of Reality' (Q&A) (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Dark Star (10:33pm)
Alan B.: DJ 2000 People Defecating (10:37pm)
Alan B.: The Brown Noise: (10:39pm)
Alan B.: We love Dr. Hal, we hurt Dr. Hal. (10:40pm)
ggggggiger: With regard to Jodo identifying O'Bannon as "the guy" after watching Dark Star, I think he was intuiting O'Bannon's creative breadth and vision (10:41pm)
ggggggiger: He was less impressed by credentials (10:42pm)
ggggggiger: (2001 guy) (10:42pm)
ggggggiger: and more interested in O'Bannon's vision (10:43pm)
ggggggiger: and if you listen to the O'bannon interview (10:43pm)
Alan B.: You can hurt Dr. Hal at home! "Puzzling Evidence and the 101 Dwarves Extended Dance Mix" (10:44pm)
ggggggiger: where he describes his first meeting with Jodo, you understand that O'Bannoon was incredibly observant and attuned (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Sorry gggggggiger. But going by Dark Star, I could very much believe that. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Dan O'Bannon on Jodorowsky's Dune (10:48pm)
ggggggiger: great interview (10:48pm)
ggggggiger: according to director Frank pavich (10:48pm)
ggggggiger: the interview existed (10:49pm)
ggggggiger: on some obscure site (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Here's my acid story. In the morning, those goddamn birds would not stop singing. The end. (10:49pm)
ggggggiger: one of the film's editors found it and they used it (posthumously) for an important sequence (10:50pm)
ggggggiger: in Jodorowsky's Dune (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Talking about how Pink Floyd is over-rated, is over-rated. (10:51pm)
ggggggiger: haha (10:52pm)
Alan B.: That was the fastest NHLG hour I ever heard, bring this guy back. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: This acid story is making me cringe hard. (10:55pm)
ggggggiger: i loved it! (10:57pm)
Alan B.: It had a happy ending. (10:57pm)
ggggggiger: yeah, it's amazing how a strange dark trip can suddenly END (10:58pm)
ggggggiger: it seems like it will on indefinitely and then BAM (10:59pm)
Alan B.: There are visuals to this show, and tracers. (10:59pm)
ggggggiger: you're out (10:59pm)
ggggggiger: beautiful music here (11:00pm)
ggggggiger: this is frustrating (11:05pm)
ggggggiger: i can't hear (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Oh, my. (11:06pm)
ggggggiger: STIZZLE!! (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Here's the "L" train at Chicago's O'Hare Airport crashing into its station and up an escalator, to the tune of Yackety Sax: (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Go home, K-Hole, you're drunk. (11:10pm)
Alan B.: I'm sorry, but "rudy bad beatle cover" is impossible to google. (11:15pm)
ggggggiger: who's k-hole? (11:19pm)
Alan B.: It was a joke about drugs. (11:21pm)
Alan B.: DJ 80 Haldols Up The Butt (11:22pm)
Alan B.: DJ 100 Percent Trippy (11:25pm)
Alan B.: "Pete Goldie: 100 Percent Trippy" (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Kurt Stenzel needs to come back and bring music friends. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: "We're all Nazis at heart." -- Pete Goldie (11:31pm)
Alan B.: STOP HURTING HAL (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Multiwasting: (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Nice goin' Kurt. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Hurt Chicken John. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: I was watching TV and playing Mario Kart on my DS while updating Facebook on my laptop while talking on my cell phone. I was multiwasting. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Low-gain for Bob-Marc, what the fuck? (11:47pm)
Zooptird: MULTIWASTING!!!!!!!!!!! (11:47pm)
Zooptird: brilliant (11:47pm)
Alan B.: Ed Dahl, also added much to this show. (11:47pm)
e801: BEYOND O MATIC!!!!!!!! (11:47pm)
e801: my face is melting! (11:48pm)
Zooptird: Mine too!!! (11:48pm)
Alan B.: After Singer's Death, Gwar Will Carry on With Gwar-B-Q (11:48pm)
e801: one small step for sf spacerock. one giant step for something else. (11:49pm)
e801: Captain Kurt and allyou RV freaks... Thanks for the time on here. (11:51pm)
e801: ED (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Maybe the best NHLG in a long time. And zero contractor talk. (11:52pm)
With All Due Respect: Last week's all-monkey NHLG is still the best ever. But this is damn close. (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I bow to this truth. (11:53pm)
Zooptird: go Gwar! so many talented people involved. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: That means that guy in Ann Arbor, MI (11:55pm)
e801: off the coast of perth (11:55pm)
Alan B.: I wish I was off the coast of Perth, it wouldn't be so fucking cols. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: cold. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Okay, school tomorrow. Hugs and kisses. (11:56pm)
ggggggiger: gnite all (11:56pm)

March 19, 2014 10:00pm


Once there were three monkeys: a red monkey (Karen Carpenter), a blue monkey (Bob-Marc) and a yellow monkey (Sherilyn Connelly). They lived on a giant triangle, and every day they would walk around the triangle, keeping an exact distance from one another. The yellow monkey followed the blue monkey, the blue monkey followed the red monkey, and the red monkey followed the yellow monkey.

Three times a day they would defecate on the corners of the triangle. The yellow monkey ate the blue monkey shit, the blue monkey ate the red monkey shit, and the red monkey ate the shit from the yellow monkey.

Then, on the the FINAL BROADAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, the blue monkey grew tired of the yellow monkey following him around all day. So he waited on the corner and he killed her. He then resumed his route.

At the next corner was some red monkey shit,
At the next corner waited nothing.
At the next corner was the dead yellow monkey.
At the next corner was the dead red monkey, who had missed two meals and died.
At the next corner waited nothing again.
At the next corner was the dead yellow monkey.
At the next corner was the dead red monkey.
At the next corner still waited nothing.

So the blue monkey sat down on the corner and waited for things to get better.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: With apologies to Cory McAbee, and nobody else.

Chatroom History
March 19, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: Okay, I guess DNS farted. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: No, you can shittalk me. I don't mind. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: There is some kind of intermittent connection problem. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Oooooooo, look at BobMarc! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: The next celestial event begins in 17:33 seconds (10:22pm)
Alan B.: LOL Edie Brickell and the Auto-Erotic Suicides (10:23pm)
Alan B.: There is a Chicago Radio gag to the effect that, every time you turn to WXRT-FM, they are playing Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Do I have to sign up to see this SLOOH thing? (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Okay, I figured it out. Click on ASTEROID ECLIPSES STAR (10:25pm)
Alan B.: When Dr. Hal comes to forcibly do things to you at midnight, just lay back and think of England, dear. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Someboyd get Dr. Hal a beer. (10:26pm)
Karen Carpenter: (10:27pm)
Alan B.: 12:47 until we are obliterated (10:27pm)
Alan B.: krOb sounds like he fell down a well. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: It adds texture. He's a bit louder. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: OCD proof that RV was down. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Wrong link. Here we go: (10:31pm)
Alan B.: (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I hope somebody has some Lancelot Link ready to go. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Lancelot Link - The Chilling Chump Chase (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I guess it's a visual thing. And who the fuck is Ed Sullivan? (10:33pm)
Alan B.: (Anyway, you know . . . chimps are apes.) (10:33pm)
Dr. Penny: It's a funky monkey. (10:34pm)
Sherilyn: (10:34pm)
Alan B.: +1 Internets for Dr. Penny (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Who was scintillating on Ask Dr. Hal on Friday. (10:35pm)
Dr. Penny: :) (10:35pm)
Alan B.: You know. . . back when Radio Valencia WORKED. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Goddamn, Sherilyn, just . . . goddamn. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Why is kr0b in the Low-Gain seat traditionally occupied by BobMarc? (10:37pm)
Alan B.: DJ 50 San Franciscos (10:39pm)
Alan B.: The gayest DJ (10:39pm)
Alan B.: But everyone in "Tickle Me" is wearing white panties. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Hey, Pete, this lack of delivery is awesome. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: There needs to be a name for these kr0b-isms. Like Rich Hall had Snigletts, which was only slighty cute/racist (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Put monkey brains in your Large Hadron Collider (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Okay, Pete, delivery has started. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: I'm watching my browser and listening to delayed audio on Radio Valencia SO MUCH MEAT (10:44pm)
Alan B.: META (10:44pm)
Alan B.: META MEAT (10:44pm)
Alan B.: This looks like Pac Man. Big dot, little dot. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: That's why the Space Guy Rambling is the only part of ADH you can uploatd to YouTube, because kr0b has lost the will to mix. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Hey, your little do is in my big dot! (10:47pm)
Alan B.: What the hell do these limeys have to do with monkeys? (10:47pm)
Alan B.: MIRTH CLOCK (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: It could disappear like an airplane in the South Pacific. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: It's the Time Thrust that really drives you insane. (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: I remember. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: CNN told me that the airplane was swept up by Jehovah. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Why is Fred Flintstone iradicating humans? (10:50pm)
Dr. Penny: JHVH-1 (10:50pm)
Alan B.: Those souls belong to the Space Bankers, now. (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Low-power monkey license (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Is the Radio Valencia Council of Elders as boring as The Phantom Menace? (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Tweeter and the Monkey Man: (10:55pm)
Sherilyn: (10:57pm)
Alan B.: In your monkey suit, you just look like a monkey! (10:58pm)
Alan B.: (Pssst, Sherilyn . . . ape.) (10:59pm)
Alan B.: And the version of Monkey Suit that doesn't sound like shit: (11:00pm)
Alan B.: Atari 2600 Donkey Kong looks like an asteroid passing in front of some star or something. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Watch out for flying monkey poop. (11:02pm)
Sherilyn: This cover always freaked me out as a kid: (11:03pm)
Alan B.: As it should!! (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Seriously? Nobody has seen fit to depricate Cymbal-banging monkey toy? (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Submitted for your approval: (11:05pm)
Alan B.: I see Saturn. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: <3 (11:06pm)
Alan B.: Earliest childhood memory: Grandma in Florida mailed us red plastic Banana Splits promotional cereal bowls. Best grandma ever. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Here's another monkey reference with very little audio payoff: Organ-grinder's monkey (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Jocko Homo means "Monkey Man." (11:12pm)
Alan B.: Mothersbaugh was a student at Kent State University when a friend gave him a pamphlet called "Jocko Homo, Heaven Bound King of the Apes." (11:12pm)
Alan B.: It was a religious pamphlet debunking evolution, (11:13pm)
Alan B.: explaining how absurd the idea was (11:14pm)
Alan B.: that a man (11:14pm)
Alan B.: would descend (11:14pm)
Alan B.: from a monkey (11:14pm)
Alan B.: You know that God made man, but he used a monkey to do it. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Apes in the plan, and we're all here to do it. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: prove it. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Jocko Homo, Heavenbound King of the Zoo (11:17pm)
Dr. Penny: After 5+ days of creation, it only took 1 day to create humans. (11:18pm)
Alan B.: To create man. Then, it took 15 minutes and bone to make a woman. (11:19pm)
Dr. Penny: lickety split (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Infinite monkey theorem (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Digital monkeys with typewriters recreate Shakespeare (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Curly Howard was the master of film comedy. I state this unapologetically. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Get out our hankey: The Final Years of Curly (of Three Stooges Fame) (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Failed Marriage (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Stroke Aftermath (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Declining Health (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Last Days (11:28pm)
Alan B.: "Gee Jules, I guess I'll never be able to make the children laugh again." (11:28pm)
Alan B.: RATINGS POISON (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Who hasn't Lindsay Lohan fucked? (11:31pm)
Alan B.: Somebody over there was young in the 1970s. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Doppleganger, turn in your badge and gun. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Schock den Affen (11:39pm)
Alan B.: Monkeys and apes in space (11:41pm)
Alan B.: Did NASA Leave Monkeys In Space? NASA KILLED 10 MONKEYS DoWjwUg?t=38s (11:44pm)
Alan B.: (11:44pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ working link (11:44pm)
Alan B.: HORRIBLE (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Steve Wilcox Options for this story Curley: Dr. I'm troubled by TS, Moe: TS? Curley: Yes, Two stomachs. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Grumble. I hit refresh by accident and lost my stream. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: So, PE is now The Storytellers? (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Best. Part. Of. The. Show: hosts make monkey sounds (11:49pm)
Alan B.: In this episode: Dr. Fiasco touches BobMarc's meat. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: G'nite, lovely people. It was nice to be missed. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Space never pays off. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: MMMM (11:56pm)
Alan B.: h a l (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Hal (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Wow, you can't type Doctor H A L (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Okay, you can. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Zero boy (11:59pm)
Alan B.: Why, Sherilyn?! (12:00am)
Alan B.: I sense that attendees will see boobies. (12:02am)
Alan B.: Don't worry, I'll send money when told to. (12:03am)
Alan B.: April 11, 2014 (12:03am)
Alan B.: is the second Friday of next month. (12:04am)
Alan B.: Don't lose the show, bro. (12:05am)
Alan B.: And don't forget to throw the motherfucking fan out the window. (12:05am)
Alan B.: LEAVE EARL ALONE!!! (12:05am)
Alan B.: Hal really needs to let Sherilyn know how fucking awsome she is. (12:06am)
Alan B.: I miss the monkeys. (12:07am)
Alan B.: In this segment: People whine about work. (12:10am)
Alan B.: Landing the first Israeli spacecraft on the moon: (12:11am)
Alan B.: A rat done bit my sister Nell, and landsmen on the moon. (12:12am)
Alan B.: Don't talk to Pete about SubDeenies, he hates that. (12:13am)
Alan B.: THERE BE HADRONS HERE! (12:14am)
Alan B.: Seething Paris sites. (12:20am)
Alan B.: Dr. Hal's forceful stalking. (12:22am)
Alan B.: Vagitarians. (12:22am)
Alan B.: I loved that Lego movie. Go see it. (12:27am)
Alan B.: Scandal at KPFA!! (12:33am)
Alan B.: Doug is thrown under the bus by the best. (12:34am)
Alan B.: Will you fucking go home, I need to sleep. (12:42am)

March 12, 2014 10:00pm


During every Golden Age of Television, and within the Beige, Taupe and lesser colored ages, there is always one constant... It is always the COPPER AGE of TELEVISION. Dragnet, Cannon, Baretta, Hill Street Blues, 21 Jump Street, Mod Squad, Shield, Wire, Miami Vice, Homicide, and Car 54, Where Are You? all remind us we are attracted to police on TV more than cats on the Internet. It's down right criminal.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with the assistance of Detective Karen Carpenter, Cadet Bob-Marc, and Sgt. Sherilyn Connelly, along with Commissioner KrOB, and Crossing-Guard Puzzling Evidence will give the 3rd degree to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.


Chatroom History
March 12, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Sesame Street alien: Earth book say: pot (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: has alan b. been kidnapped? (10:51pm)
Sherilyn: (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: that's my homepage (11:23pm)
Sherilyn: The Shield on Robot Chicken: (11:52pm)
No One Show: Police Overdose (11:59pm)
No One Show: Police Over Dose Cops (11:59pm)
Mustache PI: I can do that (11:59pm)
Mustache PI: Where are my whites? (12:00am)
thefuZZyFArt: good showage guys (12:36am)
thefuZZyFArt: perfect cast (12:36am)
Pancakes: Youre on (12:46am)
Pancakes: in your chicken (12:55am)
thefuZZyFArt: i want some frop (1:10am)
thefuZZyFArt: frop (1:10am)
thefuZZyFArt: great show bendecos (1:13am)
thefuZZyFArt: ey bendecos (1:13am)
thefuZZyFArt: obumhole (1:13am)
thefuZZyFArt: how do you get a girl to pick cotton~? (1:20am)
thefuZZyFArt: you light her string on fire (1:20am)
The Audience: with a nougat... (2:37am)

March 5, 2014 10:00pm


Welcome to Radio Valencia Public Access!

Public access radio is your opportunity to create your vision and get your voice heard. Any San Francisco resident or community organization is welcome to air a show on Radio Valencia Public Access, wherever it is made. We do not edit, preview, or take any editorial control over the content of a show. Producers airing programs on Radio Valencia Public Access may use our remote camera/lighting packages, or our edit suites to produce their shows, or they can produce their shows using other resources.

Whether you want to produce your own show or you'd just like to volunteer on someone else's, we have training classes so that you can learn the elements of production and how to use our equipment. We also have an intern program, also known as the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND which is designed for people who want a more structured, in-depth training experience in video production -- people like Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, or even KrOB and Puzzling Evidence. .

Remember, radio is in your hands! Whether you think thousands of people will want to hear your show, or maybe just the people on your block, public access radio is waiting for you!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We are pursuant to Section 611 of the Communications Act.

Chatroom History
March 5, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: I'm completely lost with no Facebook invite. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Wayne's World, party time, excellent. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: I feel uninvited with no Facebook invite. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: What really amuses me is that my communications degree focused on the intense power of public access television for social change. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Chips. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: I'm convinced that, beyond Wayne's World, public access changed diddly squat. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Bob-Marc played the entire show into cue. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Into the recursive. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Summer's Eve? (10:17pm)
Alan B.: What other anachonisms will be extensively covered by NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND? Leaded gas? Bell bottoms? Music videos? (10:21pm)
Dr. Penny: Lead bell music (10:23pm)
Alan B.: We're you invited, Dr. Penny? I'm crashing this party. (10:23pm)
Dr. Penny: Nobody is invited, just show up --- like all the listeners. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: (I wouldn't have seen it anyway, I was asleep.) (10:24pm)
Alan B.: You could be serving the community, just like Non-profit Burning Man: (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Seriously, I believed all this horseshit about public access. Turns out that it is simply a megaphone for narcissism. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Okay, now I get it -- the partners of Burning Man are no longer on the hook for liability. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: So wait %u2013 does this mean the Founders have stepped back and given everything to charity? Well, not quite. It sounds nice, and Larry calls it %u201Cthe truth%u201D, but unfortunately, it ain%u2019t %u201Cthe truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth%u201D. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: ew, sorry, that's ugly. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: If you had been at the MEETINGS you would know about the MOTHERFUCKING WINDOW issue. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Brilliant. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I think BABYMETAL needs to be on public access. (10:34pm)
Sherilyn: My public access adventure: (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Breaking down the door (10:42pm)
Alan B.: My friend tried to sell AccesSF on a half-hour series whrere he pointed a camera at a brick wall. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: They were interested. . . (10:43pm)
Sherilyn: I was about to say, they aren't legally allowed to NOT be interested. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Exactly. (10:44pm)
Sherilyn: '... says Radio Valencia has "a huge responsibility now that KUSF is gone" %u2014 give or take KUSF's online incarnation %u2014 and that Radio Valencia is the door on which "bands, writers, performers, local politicians, and activists" are all knocking: "We're the bullhorn for the Mission."' (10:44pm)
Alan B.: There ARE a lot of DJs. Do they have an audience? (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Sherilyn, this high-angle camerawork in "Pilot" reveals -- in your gaze -- a species-ist disregard for the dignity of the subject. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: And the floor is messy. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Nice looking pussy, though. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Ahhhhhh . . . my invitation FINALLY arrived. (10:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: you are late! (10:50pm)
Alan B.: I had no idea how to dress! (10:50pm)
Alan B.: excavation ditch (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Wow, (10:55pm)
Alan B.: I can't (10:55pm)
Alan B.: post this sentence: (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Sorry, the invite was hidden (10:56pm)
Alan B.: from my by (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Facebook. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Or, I had just woken up and missed it. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Shaggs approved. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: I LOVE this show for its anachronistic Dick Cavett references. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Smoking marijuana during a broadcast is very unprofessional. (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Required NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND reading: (11:01pm)
Alan B.: (11:01pm)
Alan B.: FauxMax (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Okay, here's my prank chatterbox post: (11:04pm)
Alan B.: "Cocking suck my fuck!" (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Damn! (11:05pm)
Alan B.: SciFi nerds get their narcissism handled in a different way than public access. (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Like angry letters in the pages of Starlog. (11:10pm)
Sherilyn: Angry letters like these? (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Oh. My. God. (11:12pm)
Karen Carpenter: (11:12pm)
Alan B.: That arm sweep made me tingle. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: The Norwegian podcast is in Norwegian. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: "I love your mag, but you didn't even mention my name as the owner of the van . . . " (11:16pm)
Alan B.: This Startlog blog post . . . it's full of stars. . . . (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Contractor talkzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Bacon-wrapped barrel sander. (11:18pm)
Sherilyn: He's my favorite, the ""You didn't even mention my name!!!" guy. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: He needs a public access show. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: K-tel Records "Captain of the Starship" commercial 1978 (11:23pm)
Alan B.: MOTHERFUCKING (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Steve Dahl actually was doing that, handing out flashdrives with a sample and a Web page for signing up. But it's too expensive. (11:29pm)
Dr. Penny: The corner of the window slides and cuts into the vagina. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: That window hurts my vagina. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Now he gives away free samples, but NHLG is already free. (11:30pm)
Alan B.: I believe that this podcast is commodification-proof. (11:30pm)
Alan B.: I'll pay the April bill for the show if you guys pull the new fan down and destory it on the air. (11:31pm)
Alan B.: No, just kidding. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: When did THAT happen?! (11:34pm)
Alan B.: MO. THER. FUCK. ING. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: I'm gonna just say that this Starlog piece is a real thing of beauty. (11:44pm)
Sherilyn: Thanks! There's seven others like it, and there will probably be more, but it hasn't been a high priority (and the demand has not been paticularly great). (11:45pm)
Alan B.: My focus on nerddom was The Comics Buyers' Guide and The Comics Journal, the latter of which had its own history with Harlan Ellison. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Nattional Lampoon Radio Dinner. BOOM! (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter, you were perfectly correct that this Over The Edge podcast featuring Firesign Theatre and Bob and Ray is worth everyone's time and should be downloaded now: (11:50pm)
Alan B.: They're dropping like flies. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Oh, is it Kennedy O'clock again already? (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Electra woman and Dyna Girl episode 1 part1/1 (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Activate electrachange! (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Orrrrrannnnnngggggge. (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Cocksucking (11:59pm)
Alan B.: I have been missing the KrOB remix. (12:01am)
Alan B.: G'nite, and close the motherfucking window. (12:01am)
Alan B.: Malcom X John-Lennon? Come on in and dig your mother. (12:03am)

February 26, 2014 10:00pm


Take the number of sand grains on Earth, in all the beaches and deserts and the bottom of the ocean... a very large number, but NOT INFINITE. The number of stars in the universe.. . trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions, but NOT INFINITE. The number of long and ultimately pointless stories Karen Carpenter has told and will ever tell about Doylestown and/or SF building codes... a mind-blowing number that makes ones' head hurt, but ultimately NOT INFINITE.

What about, say, the number of pairs of prime numbers which are separated by exactly 2 (for example, 17 and 19, or 41 and 43, or 2,003,663,613 x 2^195,000 - 1 and 2,003,663,613 x 2^195,000 + 1)? Want to take a guess? Did you guess 6? WRONG! The number of pairs of prime numbers which are separated by exactly 2 is LITERALLY INFINITE.

Now while Aristotle questioned whether infinites could exist in a seemingly finite physical world, at the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, evidence will be presented to show that Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly KrOB and Puzzling Evidence can break an infinite number of Radio Valencia rules.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: An infinite number of monkeys talking over each other.

Chatroom History
February 26, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

malderor: amateurs! (10:00pm)
vj pussycat: that's standard NHLG dialog (10:01pm)
kat herding: hola (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Hey, vj, hey, kat! (10:03pm)
kat herding: yo (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Scary music denoting infinity. (10:04pm)
kat herding: what is that monolith over yonder? (10:04pm)
Dr. Penny: Or the ghost of Christmas past (10:04pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Penny! (10:05pm)
Dr. Penny: :) (10:05pm)
kat herding: back up yo lest I smack you wid dis bone here! (10:06pm)
Dr. Penny: The monolith looks like it's close to cumming now. (10:06pm)
kat herding: that's one loooong phomne number (10:11pm)
Alan B.: It felt like we were waiting forever. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Papa Juan. (10:12pm)
kat herding: infinitely, you could say... (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: hi y'all. i'm back again. fantastic show so far! (10:15pm)
Alan B.: (10:17pm)
Alan B.: The Mandlebrot Set (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Paradox a Potential Infinity (10:18pm)
Alan B.: WWV-H! (10:19pm)
Sherilyn: It's this in particular, Alan: (10:21pm)
Sherilyn: TIME DURING AN ECLIPSE! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: THE BEST TIME! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Those who don't know the history of WWV are doomed to repeat it. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: You are fucking killing me with the Jim Steinman. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Hey-Yo! (10:24pm)
Alan B.: New word Facebook brought me: Glassholes (10:25pm)
Alan B.: WWV parody?! (10:26pm)
kat herding: HEY! I was in public relations! (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Sure, but the PR researchers are pretty cool. (I used to be one.) (10:29pm)
kat herding: ...before I started hooking. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: A promotion. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Here here. But if you walk into a dive bar with shiny objects and act like a dick you get smacked. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: You mean they're self-involved to a fault? I can confirm that. (10:32pm)
Dr. Penny: Literally a Cylon hanger. (10:36pm)
Dr. Penny: It's all over the BSG literature. (10:37pm)
Sherilyn: (10:38pm)
Alan B.: New type of audio malware transmits through speakers and microphones (10:39pm)
Alan B.: (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Bravo! This is the bestest rant. (10:40pm)
kat herding: smegma gnu? (10:41pm)
kat herding: I'll take rare diseses for 400, Alex. (10:43pm)
kat herding: BLR! (10:43pm)
kat herding: yeah, is it really just MENTAL? (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Is there a high-quality download of Over the Edge? (10:48pm)
Alan B.: My father recorded all of the Firesign Theatre albums onto reel-to-reel and then I listened to them. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Over the Edge for February 21st 2014 (10:51pm)
Alan B.: He went thee. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: there. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Aleph loaf? (10:55pm)
kat herding: keep walking... keep walking... (10:56pm)
kat herding: here's the O'Hare video (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Can someone please explain Aleph Null, Aleph 1, Aleph 2...? (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Nice video! (10:58pm)
kat herding: \o/ (11:00pm)
Dr. Penny: The glands of the O'Hare underpass. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: Contractor talk (11:06pm)
Get: out. (11:14pm)
Get: out now. (11:14pm)
Get: out know and dont answer fome. (11:14pm)
Get: out and leaf show alune. (11:14pm)
Get: out and process this, bud. (11:15pm)
Get: out and call the phun not. (11:15pm)
Get: out and stop Wil Helm Cream. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Is there a high quality download of Puzzling Evidence? (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Wow. (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: willy wonka (11:20pm)
Alan B.: In fact, there is: (11:21pm)
Alan B.: I somehow sense that the lack of joy over Hal in some is genuine. (11:22pm)
Alan B.: I was stunned that the post-non-broadcast ADH show actually occured. (11:23pm)
The Beatles: Stunned. (11:24pm)
The Beatles: Stunned. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, and shocked. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: It was their trousers. They were . . . tight. (11:26pm)
The Rutlin' Stones: Yeah, the Whether Main. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Jeepers, I have to go back and listen to that. (11:27pm)
Stig: Stuck now, ain't cha? (11:27pm)
Nasty: Crude earl, guts... (11:28pm)
Robot: must die (11:28pm)
Alan B.: The show that should have been (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Listen to everyone hurt Hal. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: shoulda been. (11:29pm)
John Hurt: will move the mics. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: That's the best Alan B. hack evar. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Brian Eno Ambient 1: Music for Airports (11:31pm)
Sony: used to be such a world...wiggle test not trustworthy. (11:31pm)
Head: phones still bigger that that. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Top Ten Reasons Not to Read Infinite Jest (11:32pm)
Trillion: brains not on line yet. (11:33pm)
Alan Whats: More questions please, Meat Weakness. (11:34pm)
Alan B.: Windows 7: Right Channel Not Working ! SOLVED! (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Catholic Encyclopedia: (11:38pm)
Alan B.: ^^Ininite (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Blah (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Wolfram Math World - Infinity (11:38pm)
Alan B.: What is slack? (11:40pm)
kat herding: radio camera (11:42pm)
Alan B.: Steve Allen show, Frank Zappa Playing music on a Bicycle 1963 (11:44pm)
Alan B.: Fatboy Slim & Riva Starr Ft. Beardyman - Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat (11:44pm)
Rath of Chan: Spock is a dick. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: This is the best Alan B. hat check evar. (11:47pm)
kat herding: but does this explain why time is a flat circle? (11:47pm)
Downtown San Francisco: Thanks for the tip o' the hat! (11:48pm)
Alan B.: jpg (11:48pm)
Alan B.: God dammit (11:49pm)
Super Blood: Is this on the quiz? (11:49pm)
Gorn: thanks (11:49pm)
Alan B.: (11:49pm)
kat herding: best 404 (11:49pm)
Gorn: Hitler (11:49pm)
Gorn: You bet!!!! (11:49pm)
Alan B.: By the way, STOP SMOKING OR END UP LIKE GRANDPA. (11:49pm)
Hitler: Thanks, boys! (11:50pm)
Eggs Benidick Cumberbund: Elemental, Flotsam. (11:50pm)
Eggs Benidick Cumberbund: And, Spock truley is a stick. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Hitler's Hat (11:51pm)
Eggs Benidick Cumberbund: Save NegativLand Energy (11:51pm)
Boba Fet: Are you Gravity? (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Biscuits and Gravity (11:52pm)
Frank Zappa: I'm still dead. (11:53pm)
John Lennon: Me. too. (11:53pm)
Honey Suck: NHLG believes in the future. (11:54pm)
Honey Suck: NHLG is not stoned enough. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: That cat loves to singa a with the moona and and the Jun-a and springa (11:55pm)
Alan B.: LAUNCH ALL HADRONS (11:55pm)
kat herding: Kat Herding (11:55pm)
Hadrons: Hadrons. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Yeah! (11:55pm)
kat herding: damn you spellchecker! (11:56pm)
Yeah: Yeah. (11:56pm)
Sherilyn: Citizen Fillibuster, thank you. (11:56pm)
Belong : Are All Old Hadrons. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: i want to beat this ranting man to death with my BARE HANDS. (11:56pm)
vj pussycat: well you're fixin to lose me. i gotta go do some emergency soldering (11:56pm)
kat herding: I'll hold your coat. (11:56pm)
Sherilyn: (11:57pm)
Cock Sucker: How cum I'm not on the show tonight? (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Gee, Patton seem so nice on the Twitter. But this is some apspie bullshit right here. (11:57pm)
Sherilyn: Which is kind of the point, of course. (11:58pm)
Patton: "Like crap through a goose...." (11:58pm)
Patton: "Er..umm..we're out of cocksuckers right nows... (11:59pm)
Patton: " (11:59pm)
Alan B.: We must close the cocksucker gap! (11:59pm)
Patton: Honey Suck (11:59pm)
Patton: Alreday did.......tanks.. (12:00am)
Honey Suck: No way... (12:00am)
Alan B.: Hello, Dr. Hal. (12:00am)
Lo: power staytion that it is. (12:01am)
Space: Strike!!!!! (12:01am)
Hadrons: are washing your minds (12:03am)
Hadrons: ask you to continue to forget (12:03am)
The World: breaks it all... (12:04am)
Yeah: Yeah. (12:04am)
no no . . : : (12:05am)
All: your belongs are Hadrons to us. (12:05am)
Yes, YES!!: fuk all (12:05am)
Yeak: Yeahs. (12:05am)
ISP: Soft landing on the show (12:06am)
Alan B.: The podcast is an unnecessary distraction. Viva the stage show! (12:07am)
no no..::: (12:08am)
Infinity: Are you Grabity? (12:08am)
Hadrons: No, I ink not... (12:09am)
jock and yono: literally (12:09am)
Space: I fuck your vomit. (12:10am)
Alan B.: The people's revolutionary podcast council declares this show to be over. (12:10am)
The Audience: Free us of these statements... (12:11am)
senator beiber: um.. sure (12:11am)
The Audience: Leave us some fig leaf of diggity! (12:11am)
Alan B.: Giggity! (12:12am)
bacon wrapped doggity: doo (12:12am)
Hot: and Dog are left to the rear for supply reasons (12:12am)
The Mudience: show talk (12:13am)
we have to: do things (12:13am)
Now.: now. (12:13am)
there . . :: there (12:13am)
Son Rah: Leave me alone. (12:14am)
Alan B.: Space is the place. (12:14am)
russell: crowe (12:14am)
Myself: , I shot (12:14am)
kat herding: alef not what? (12:15am)
Show End: not. (12:15am)
Alan B.: G'nite, one and all. (12:15am)
kat herding: 'gnight folks (12:15am)
NHLG: Good Night, you fucks! (12:16am)
NHLG: What do they WANT?!! FUCK!!!! (12:17am)
ffuckes: moore showe (12:17am)
NHLG: Yes, Theory of FUCK!! (12:17am)
NHLG: Spock issa FUCK!! (12:18am)
Hadron: You'll die for that! (12:18am)
Honey Suck: Not Nice. (12:18am)
Only One: Me. I'mma FUCK!! (12:19am)
NHLG: It's a giggity fucking time (12:20am)
NHLG: Goodnight, YOU FUCKS! (12:21am)

February 19, 2014 10:00pm


Once the very last remnants of the very last stars have finally decayed away to nothing and everything reaches the same temperature, the story of Radio Valencia finally comes to an end. For the first time in its life, Radio Valencia will be permanent and unchanging. Entropy finally stops increasing, because Radio Valencia cannot get any more disordered. Nothing happens and it keeps not happening, forever.

It's what's known as the heat death of Radio Valencia, an era when the cosmos will remain vast and cold and desolate for the rest of time. And that's because on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, there is no difference between the past, the present and the future. There's no way of measuring the passage of time, because nothing on Radio Valencia changes. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will have simply ceased to exist. It's an inescapable fact of Radio Valencia, written into the fundamental laws of physics by KrOB and Puzzling Evidence.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We've been on for 10,000 trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion years.

Chatroom History
February 19, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

Alan B.: This show violates the First Law of Thermodynamics. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Band name: Sea of Photons (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Yes, Brian May is the astrophysicist. (10:05pm)
Alan B.: BTW, about 20 minutes ago you could hear Juan Rapido's eyes rolling. (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Arrow of time -- Everybody drink! (10:05pm)
Alan B.: A Brief History of Time, full movie: (10:06pm)
Dr. Penny: But if there is no time, the stars can't go out due to time. (10:07pm)
Alan B.: The Black Hole Wars: My Battle with Stephen Hawking (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Penny! Don't they go out due to entropy, due to all of their energy being dissapated? Time, as well? (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Ultimate fate of the universe Ultimate fate of the universe (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Trillion was my favorite Red Dwarf character. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Ultimate fate of the universe (10:13pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi, Alan B.! I keep the stars burning with my love. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Burning Love: (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Jesus, was Elvis ever one tweaky pill-headed freak. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: RAGNAROKTOBER! (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Ragnarok in Norse Mythology (10:18pm)
Alan B.: 100 Trillion Dollar Zimbabwe Banknote $34.00 (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Note: Due to a worldwide shortage of the high denomination Zimbabwe banknotes, prices are going up fast and will most likely continue to rise. There isn't anything we can do about this. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: How Big is a Trillion? (10:21pm)
Alan B.: One trillion seconds of ordinary clock time = ( 1012 sec)/( 3.16 x 107 sec/yr) = 31,546 years! (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Where's my hearthrob Bob-Marc? (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Artist: Pink Floyd Album: A Saucerful of Secrets Released: 1968 (10:24pm)
Alan B.: (10:24pm)
Sherilyn: The Heat Death of Syd Barrett: (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Poor fucker. (10:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Better watch out for the Dick Effect. It'll throw your clock off. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: No Minutemen 2-nite. :( (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Rock out with your clock out, Dr. Penny. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Paul McCartney Really Is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison (2010) 1-6 (10:29pm)
Alan B.: The narrator of this documentary is a textbook example of a douchebag. 2:25 (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, Pete! (10:30pm)
Alan B.: I certainly hope so. I'm so glad Sherilyn is well and you are entirely welcome. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: I'm fascinated by Pete's secret annex. (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: i like this week's show (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Me, too, vj! (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Got it in one. (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I'm uncertain, I'm listenting to the show! (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Jesus, this Syd photo is creepy. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Those eyes are accusing EVERYBODY. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Because I listened to the secret link to the Jan. 17 show, I learned that I cut Hal to the quick with my Facebook review of his radio show. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I regret this. (10:35pm)
Sherilyn: What's to regret? (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I stand by the review, but he sounded so HURT. (10:36pm)
Sherilyn: He'll get over it. (10:37pm)
Alan B.: I'm certain. (10:37pm)
God: Where's the regret? (10:37pm)
God: of nothing... (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: what did you say to hurt hal? (10:37pm)
Alan B.: I said everybody should listen to it, even though parts of it are a technical catastrophe, because it is often a sparkling conversation with really wonderful people. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Hal blamed the equipment in the RV studio. (10:38pm)
Sherilyn: YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!!!!! (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: what's so bad about that? (10:38pm)
God: How's it taste? (10:39pm)
God: OOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Hal really does feel put upon by the studio, which I imagaine is jury-rigged. If you don't have a clue about how to fix radio stuff, it would be frustrating. (10:39pm)
Alan B.: I'm a bad person, basically. (10:40pm)
Dr. Penny: Just keep masturbating. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: I'm doing it now! (10:40pm)
Dr. Penny: LOL! (10:40pm)
Me: If "I" don't?! (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: wow you're a good typer (10:40pm)
Alan B.: WTF?! No space science report when I can hear it live on RV?! (10:41pm)
Agent Aslan: /()@@&(://)$(;;:.&$ (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Phased Cookies. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: Space is the place, brothers and sisters: (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Harry Scifres Robins 9 minutes ago GALLERY OF GREAT PROTO-SUBGENIUSES Paracelsus, 1493-1541 (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Wait, link? I'll be the judge of fuckability, thank you. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: For straight boys, sure. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Well, for me, anyway. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Red pointy lights (10:56pm)
Alan B.: The sky's gone out: (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Bitchy scientists. (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Daylight Savings Time? (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Play along at home: Venom - Live At City Gardens, NJ. CLASSIC. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Sherilyn beat me to axing the question. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Ah, those were the days. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Explicit Content Only - Evan Roth (11:09pm)
Alan B.: I fucking love this show. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Bugger your toe! (11:11pm)
Dr. Penny: Now stick your finger in my butt and make this pussy nut. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: Bob-Marc's got a ground loop! Bob-Marc's got a ground loop! Bob-Marc's got a ground loop! (11:13pm)
Dr. Penny: Make this pussy nut. Make this pussy nut. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: Pussy Guerilla Face Banana Fuck Nut: (11:14pm)
Dr. Penny: Put the rubber on it, don't stop while you're hittin' it. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: Plug it into a different AC circuit than the board. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: HURTING HAL!!! (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Why does the straight boy have a little head? (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: You can think with your big head, or with your little head. (11:18pm)
Alan B.: She's called strawberry and everybody know strawberry strawberry is the neighborhood hoe Do anything for a hit or two Give the bitch a rock she fucked the whole damn crew It might be your wife and it might make you sick Come home and see her mouth on the dopeman's dick (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Those are big atoms. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: SEGA! (11:26pm)
Alan B.: All-singing, all-dancing Cosmos. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Why am I so mean? (11:29pm)
Alan B.: He needs a beard. (11:30pm)
Alan B.: EXPLOITABLE! (11:31pm)
Alan B.: Photoshop?! Fuck that shit. GIMP - The GNU Image Manipulation Program (11:31pm)
Alan B.: I'll never drink Frenet Branca in this town again. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Have you got a moment to talk about Hitler? (11:37pm)
Alan B.: Puzzling Evidence Show theft-protected. (11:39pm)
Me: Hitler protected time shift theft (11:43pm)
Alan B.: Hitler Plans Burning Man (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Eeep. (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Krob Sabrepop 2 minutes ago (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Des Barres wrote two memoirs about her experience as a groupie, I'm with the Band (1987) and Take Another Little Piece of My Heart: A Groupie Grows Up (1993), as well as two other non-fiction books, Rock Bottom: Dark Moments in Music Babylon and Let's Spend the Night Together: Backstage Secrets of Rock Muses and Supergroupies (Chicago Review Press, 2007). (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Cynthia Plaster Caster (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Goldie, P. (2014, February 20). Interview by S. Connelly. Best bacon-wrapped hotdogs in san fransisco, california. (12:00am)
Alan B.: No prob. (12:00am)
Alan B.: The Alan B. effect now terminates for the evening. Please continue for several more hours. 'Nite! (12:01am)
Sesame Street alien: yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip (12:27am)
Sesame Street alien: uh huh. uh huh. uh huh. (12:27am)
Alan Not B.: woosh wooosh (12:30am)
Lonely Outpost: of logged on radio (1:41am)

February 12, 2014 10:00pm


You are socially awkward and physically unattractive. Your choices in cars, food, clothes and kitchen appliances only come in beige, and that's alright with you. You have never had a meaningful relationship, except with contrived entities using pseudonyms on the world's most capitalized social network. Your taste in "music", however, is highly evolved and exquisite. You know this to be true, because you were invited to join the SOUND WORK GROUP, a private virtual venue composed of nothing but the greatest minds and ears on Earth. Your special needs are met, you click and share and no one tells you to turn that shit down. Every day is like the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, hosted by Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, the disembodied voice of peckish Sherilyn Connelly, and perhaps KrOB and Look out!, Duck! It's Puzzling Evidence! YOU FOUND YOUR PLACE!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: BTW, your mom just unfriended you.

Chatroom History
February 12, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Spend some more money on lawyers for low power FM, the equipment is fine. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: FLAPPY BIRD IS AUTISM OVER 9000!! (10:07pm)
Alan B.: All the teenagers listening are in pain. (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Correction: No teenagers are listening. (10:09pm)
Dr. Penny: Taking us to the top of Everest! (10:10pm)
Alan B.: HI, Dr. Penny! (10:10pm)
Alan B.: This is not a test. (10:11pm)
Dr. Penny: :) (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Start (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Start (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Stop (10:11pm)
Dr. Penny: Now (10:12pm)
Alan B.: My pleasure. Thanks for asking. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: I would like to invite listeners to visit Sound Work Group on Facebook. We gather to talk about audio works which may or may not be composed of other recorded sounds. Cut ups, detrounement, mash-ups, etc. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: 12 Videos Featuring Walter Murch and The Sound Design of 'THX 1138' (10:21pm)
Dr. Penny: The cock remains hard as a rock. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: The letter U and the numeral 2 (10:24pm)
Alan B.: These (10:25pm)
Alan B.: guys (10:25pm)
Alan B.: are (10:25pm)
Alan B.: from (10:25pm)
Alan B.: England (10:25pm)
Alan B.: and (10:25pm)
Alan B.: who (10:25pm)
Alan B.: gives (10:25pm)
Alan B.: a (10:25pm)
Alan B.: shit? (10:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Karen can grab the forceps and remove the sebaceous cist. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Z (10:32pm)
Dr. Penny: Pay Karen to make money off your house! (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: Karen can remodel your cat box! (10:38pm)
Alan B.: A = A, motherfuckers! (10:40pm)
Alan B.: You hack into someone's account and then yell, "MINE!" (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Cocksucker time!~ (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Libertarian cocksuckers (10:45pm)
Alan B.: :( (10:56pm)
Alan B.: It's a flaw of mine. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Time for a very serious station ID. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Naw, man, naw. . . (11:11pm)
Alan B.: That's what NHLG needs, Suggestive Sell. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: A. B. C. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: ZZZZZ (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: looks like y'all put alan b to sleep again (11:27pm)
vj pussycat: it was just an observation (11:31pm)
Alan B.: I just hope they play David's stuff, he was all excited. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Oh, wait, is this it?! (11:38pm)
Alan B.: My work is done here. (11:39pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Bob-Marc, you tease. (11:39pm)
Alan B.: ZZZZZ (11:40pm)
Alan B.: I got nipples on my titties they as big as my thumb (11:43pm)
Alan B.: He made it!!! (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Hal! (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Actually, cigarettes calm anxiety and focus the mind because they rob the brain of oxygen, making one slightly more stupid. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: x (11:51pm)
Alan B.: They speak Englisher. (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I can't even hear this Intenet! (11:54pm)
Alan B.: The frequency generator will never replace Booper. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Those Hadrons are enormous. (12:00am)
Alan B.: Jamais! (12:00am)
Alan B.: NO PASARAN! (12:01am)
Alan B.: Grab it by the neck, you sissies. (12:01am)
Alan B.: The roars of the masses could be farts. (12:02am)
Alan B.: We have crossed the terminator and headed into the earliest morning. (12:06am)
Alan B.: Huzzah! (12:06am)
Alan B.: Balderdash! 000...He is a charter member. (12:06am)
Alan B.: My father's reel to reel had that magic eye!! I used to record AM radio using the crappy mic! (12:07am)
Alan B.: Check this out, gentlement: (12:08am)
Alan B.: I totally fucked up on that, Bob-Marc. (12:10am)
Alan B.: Radio Telegrapher's License. (12:10am)
Alan B.: Yeah, they could totes pull your ticket for operating a pirate station. (12:11am)
Alan B.: Hearing the Minutemen, I know Bob-Marc forgives my slight. (12:12am)
Alan B.: Form 605: (12:13am)
Alan B.: Okay, work tomorrow. Hale and farewell. (12:13am)
vj pussycat: gnite and thank you karen, bob-marc and hal (12:31am)

February 5, 2014 10:00pm


Tonight on NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, are very special Norwegian guests, Lars Berrum and Martin Beyer-Olsen, NORWEGIAN KINGS OF COMEDY! From Norway! KINGS!

So... what do Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, KrOB, and/or Puzzling Evidence know about the Norwegian Kings of Comedy? Who are these kings and who made them kings? Can there be two kings of Norwegian comedy? What up? After racking their collective brains, the show writers came up with these facts about Norway:

- Vikings
- Lillehammer, a town in Opplandcounty, a region of Gudbrandsdal.
- Heavy Water Plant
- Fjords

...oh, and that Norway *is* a kingdom, so it all actually makes sense that they produce Kings of Comedy for domestic use and export. Your royal invitation is here, come watch and listen as they roll out the red carpet for Lars and Martin on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: No Ole and Lena jokes, promise.

Chatroom History
February 5, 2014 10:00pm - 3:30am

Alan B.: Eyeroll. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: I always love the woman who blows it just before GSH does the last line, "Whitey on the Moon." Those other folks in the audience have been laughing at her for nearly 50 years. (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Kongene av norsk komedie (10:09pm)
Sherilyn: I have that same thought every time, Alan. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Rimshot. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: You're not fit to drive Elvis' truck for him. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: CIA World Factbook - Norway (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Norwegian 94.4% (includes Sami, about 60,000), other European 3.6%, other 2% (2007 estimate) (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Norway's national statistical agency estimated the national population to be approximately 5.08 million as of 1 July 2013 (10:14pm)
Alan B.: What to expect when you first meet a Norwegian (10:15pm)
wisconsin: You can find lutefisk lots of places here, a century after the Norwegians invented refrigeration so that they wouldn't have to eat it anymore. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Verdens beste talkshow -- (10:17pm)
wisconsin: there are places here that serve "lefsedillas" unironically (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Verdens beste talkshow (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Swedish-American podcasting host Steve Dahl always talks abou this father and grandmother eating lutefisk every New Years and then vomiting. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Above was a mean review, this seems to be the Web site for World's Best Show (10:20pm)
wisconsin: vuvuzela (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Episode 1 still for the stream: Hitler in a cardigan. I like these guys! (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Vidkun Quisling - "I know that the Norwegian people have sentenced me to death, and that the easiest course for me would be to take my own life. But I want to let history reach its own verdict. Believe me, in ten years' time I will have become another Saint Olav." (10:23pm)
Alan B.: We need to send the SF tech douchebags to re-education camps: "In Norway, Start-ups Say Ja to Socialism" (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Typical Europeans. They know about three Americans: (10:37pm)
Alan B.: 1. Michael Jordan (10:37pm)
Alan B.: 2. Al Capone (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Mickey Mouse (10:37pm)
Alan B.: And the Icelandic are drunks. (10:38pm)
wisconsin: "Jesus Quizt" (10:44pm)
Dr. Penny: Just tuning in. Mmmmm. Norwegian! Lutefisk. Rosettes during the holidays. Goat cheese is delicious, too. (11:15pm)
Dr. Penny: I've got my (11:20pm)
Dr. Penny: rosette irons hot an handy during the holidays. (11:20pm)
Dr. Penny: Can anything get any better than NHLG? (12:52am)
GoofBall Radio: Yes. When you stop hitting yourself. (1:38am)
Dr. Penny: You silly. You green. (1:39am)
Norway: will not laugh. (1:40am)
And: the name "Radio"....and who is "on the air"? (1:41am)
Chat Box: "Leaf me Alone" quote by famous Swede. (1:42am)
Fyord Lockout: Like a Fuck. (1:43am)
Fyord Lockout: Morwigian Jibber Jabber Jobber (1:44am)

January 29, 2014 10:00pm


"SO... did you sign the lease today, or will you wait to see if your girl 'friend', and by 'friend' do understand that she is firmly fixed in the 'friend' zone so drop any illusions you have of advances on the physical front, ... will you wait for your friend who is a girl to agree to your convoluted living proposal where you pay 3/4 of the $3750 for the one-bedroom and offer to sleep on the sofa if she picks up the wifi, utilities and shares take-out with you each Tuesday?"

"uuh, wat?"

"It is sooo obvious, if only one not only sees, but observes... your skinny black jeans, plaid work shirt and trucker cap present the carefully coifed composition of a Mission Hipster, right down to the unshaven face, PBR breath and MUNI transfer sticking out your front pocket. However, the American Spirits pack in your shirt pocket does not contain cheap smokes, but nicotine gum and 2 pin-sized "doobies" as I believe you Americans call them, rolled in corner-cut ZigZag papers that retail for $2 at most local bodegas, overpriced for your still barely-illegal indulgence but rolled small and tight, indicating newfound thrift, yet there are two of them, indicating a meeting with someone you hope to lower inhibitions and persuade, persuade to do what? Have sex? Eventually, but not today, today you are focused on finding a place to have sex, a warm place with a bed or at least a sofa, all of which indicates heterosexuality, the gay man of your age would not hesitate in a bathroom stall, office closet or play structure in any children's park, your beard is only 4 days old, you last shaved Wednesday night knowing you could get away with the vague dress code at your corporate job until the weekend, in order to look deliberately vague on Saturday and Sunday, the MUNI transfer, so carefully placed for effect, is in fact from last month as indicated by the color and wear (did you ever read my blog on MUNI transfer color coding? well, you should) on the MUNI transfer is written a phone number using a stubby #2 pencil like is often seen scoring at a bowling alley, a bowling alley is "safe" place to meet "friends", the number has 9 digits, the first three being 510, East Bay, the owner of that number lives in the East Bay but bowls in the Mission, it is a woman who wants to live where she plays, you are carrying a grocery bag full of artisanal coffee, quesos, kale chips, tequila, as if ready to settle in and celebrate and the Craigslist printout in your back pocket of apartment offerings, sorted by distance from tech bus stops does nothing but confirm the rest, you are one of San Francisco's 50,000 Software-Americans who have a coveted high-wage job but nothing else, no girlfriend, no place to live, and no idea why the cool kids in the neighborhood are all talking about Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence and some FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, as if those random words put together has some sort of hidden meaning, which they actually do not. So, did you sign the lease??"

"Who are you, weirdo, some stalker?"

"No. I am Google."

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Thanks to smart phones, everyone is Sherlock.

Chatroom History
January 29, 2014 10:00pm - 5:30am

Sleepy ol' Alan B.: Gerry Rafferty dies aged 63 (10:04pm)
Sleepy ol' Alan B.: Baker Street, released in 1978, was still netting him 80,000 a year more than 30 years later. (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Wait, this show is different from last week. Where's that babbling, lunatic foreigner that isn't Benedict Cumberbatch? (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Read the same damn show description at (10:14pm)
Alan B.: That is a fucking brilliant idea. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: 10 Hours of Badgers doing Mushrooms (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: quality viewing there (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Welcome to Oddball (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Hi, vj pussycat (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: hi alan b. i can't login to tumbler cause i forgot my pw and there's no link for people like me (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Oh, well. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Thanks for trying! (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: sure thing alan b (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: i gotta go downstairs to do some soldering, but i'll still be listening (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: i don't know i can't access it (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Bob Marc was wishing for a place to put all the cool videos. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: I wish I could figure it out. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Okay. Try creating an account here: (10:29pm)
Alan B.: And then go here: (10:30pm)
Alan B.: And click on the three parallel lines in the gray box in the upper left hand corner. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Then click Submit (10:30pm)
Sherilyn: Turns out I have to reset my password! THANKS FOR NOTHING, ALAN. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: But most importantly, Morrie Turner died. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Shermlock Shomes in The Hound of the Basketballs (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Six pity streams. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Ewwwwww. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Sherilyn posted: (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Booperovitch. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Waltern Smitty is a pretty cool guy, and he got himself booted from the SubGenius Slackhole 2.0, which some might see as an endorsement. (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: R34 NHLG waterbed mazola superfan porn. And then a nice bullet to the temple. (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Sherlock Holmes R34: (10:44pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Warning: This is badly-done amateur porn drawings (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Canon of Sherlock Holmes (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Chaplin Robert Downey Jr. Porn (10:54pm)
Alan B.: In 1966 the bomb was a metaphor for everything. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Okay, this awful: The Crazy Adventures of Wassup Holmes, the illest Hip-Hop Detective. (10:59pm)
Alan B.: 89,700 kilohertz (11:01pm)
Alan B.: Michael Chabon: Inventing Sherlock Holmes (11:04pm)
Alan B.: 66 minutes into the show -- the best sax solo ever (11:06pm)
Alan B.: That goes in the tumblr (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Down the Rafferty Hole (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Foo Fighters: Baker Street (11:14pm)
Sleeply ol' Alan B.: Be well. See ya next week. 'Nite. (11:17pm)
vj pussycat: he can't use the fucking catbox either (12:48am)
Catty: callers (1:38am)
Catty: listeners (1:38am)
Catty: wanna know (1:38am)
jwsus: what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk (1:39am)
jwsus: why they do all this words bad (1:39am)
jwsus: they bad mouths (1:40am)
vj pussycat: uh huh (2:01am)
vj pussycat: not listening (2:02am)
vj pussycat: i'm not listening (2:04am)
vj pussycat: uh yea, 3:30 (2:54am)
vj pussycat: i'll sleep when i'm dead (2:55am)
vj pussycat: hope i can make it thru all puzzling evidence tomorrow . night y'all (3:00am)

Dr Fiasco vs. Radio
January 22, 2014 10:00pm


Guests appeared at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND last night, the theme was questioned, ignored, then trampled to death. We'll try again next week.

Chatroom History
January 22, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

Alan B.: Razzle Bathbone (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Hi, DJ DeadAir! (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Shermlock Shomes in the Hound of the Basketballs (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Lights Out (old time terrifying radio voices) (10:11pm)
Dr. Penny: The fly is appout. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Penny! (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan B. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Terrifying Human Fly (10:13pm)
Karen Carpenter: wheeee (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Karen. (10:16pm)
Sherilyn: Derrrrrrrrrrp. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Sherilyn (10:16pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Karen (10:16pm)
Alan B.: Now the chatbox is completely ruined. (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: no, it is ruined now (10:17pm)
Sherilyn: PRESS ENTER! (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Hi, vj pussycat! (10:17pm)
Alan B.: I always thought it was DJ DeadAir, but DeadHair is nice. (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: hi alan b! (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: all hair is dead (10:17pm)
Alan B.: DJ Gugliermo Marconi (10:18pm)
Alan B.: Okay, so you guys need a Tumblr to dump the Youtube links into. Because you don't have enough to do. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Ooops this is the right link for Hound of the Basketballs (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco!!!!!!! Yay!!!! (10:24pm)
Sherilyn: Start the Tumblr and see what happens! (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Moo hoo haa haa haa! (10:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco enters the tumble. (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: dr. fiasco, what part of NHLG don't you understand (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: she said doodie (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: like tub girl or the wrestler whose but exploded (10:36pm)
vj pussycat: and jello (10:37pm)
Alan B.: tumblerbot is harassing me! (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Okay, Sherilyn, I don't really understand what I've done here, but (10:47pm)
Alan B.: How do I ram this full of content? (10:47pm)
Karen Carpenter: how did yu do that? (10:48pm)
Alan B.: I dunno! I tumbler'd. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: I could figure out how to design the page but I can't figure out how to let people post stuff. (10:49pm)
Sherilyn: Well tumblr'ed, Alan! (10:51pm)
Alan B.: And then Alan B. was banned from tumblr forever. (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: like i can afford to have another window open on my tiny laptop (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: that's neat ala b, but what do we do with it? (10:53pm)
Alan B.: I'm working on it, but I think as a minimum you'll need a tumblr account. (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: is it like pinterest? (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: i don't like pinterest (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: i don't have time for shit like that (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Well, it is a Web 2.0 tech site created by tech douchebags, so yeah. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: And then Karen learned all about R34. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Please see Rule 34 (10:55pm)
vj pussycat: i already cut my facebook time down to zero. you may have noticed. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Is there a girlfriend cutout bin? (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: trust the gorton's fisherman (10:57pm)
Alan B.: How to post on NHLG tumblr. (11:00pm)
tell me wht to-? don't tell me...: dj oh! How has the keyboardless life been treating Karen Carpenter? (11:04pm)
Alan B.: I approve of Dr. Fiasco's endorsement of godless Obamacare. (11:05pm)
vj pussycat: pain in the ass is right. every time i click on sign up, it takes me to the log in page (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Okey dokey, my tech douchebaggery is done for tonight. Ta! (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: i tried alan b. sorry (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: what?!!! (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: a year without huell? (11:22pm)
tell me wht to-? don't tell me...: I forgot I hawe can stop now? (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: oh, that explains the huell howser memorial episode of NHLG (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: you can't adjust the strap on d boon's hat (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: now they sound like beethoven (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: christopher cross - dr. fiasco's greatest hits (11:36pm)
vj pussycat: all i hear is wolfman jack (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: instructables (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: enough with the phil collins (12:14am)
vj pussycat: i listened to the podcast last week to hear the beginning i missed and there was a whole conversation about forgetting stuff at the station (12:15am)
vj pussycat: two hours before sherilyn left (12:16am)

January 15, 2014 10:00pm


Long before the rural jurors were purged, the sticks nixed pix about hicks! Farmers are not interested in farming pictures, but they'll definitely be interested in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, in which foreman Karen Carpenter, hired hand Bob-Marc, and local slattern Sherilyn Connelly (along with shifty-lookin' drifters KrOB and Puzzling Evidence, aka Dick and Perry) will nix more pix than hicks can shake a stick at.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The secret ingredient is moonshine (hiccup!), which you stir with sticks.

Chatroom History
January 15, 2014 10:00pm - 4:45am

Alan B.: Styx? (10:02pm)
Alan B.: BTW I love this movie. (10:03pm)
Alan B.: The master dances - Rare clip from 1932 The great American song composer and stage star, George M. Cohan, starred in this picture in 1932, at the age of 54. (10:04pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Blackface trigger warning (10:04pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Jimmie Durante trigger warning (10:05pm)
Alan B.: And "The South's Gonna Rise (10:05pm)
Alan B.: Again" is a fitting backbeat (10:05pm)
Alan B.: crackers on the moon (10:07pm)
Alan B.: The best biotics. Everything in my bloodstream is dead. (10:07pm)
Alan B.: I'm glad KrOB is better. I hope he didn't have to get butt shots. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Discrimination against Appalachian Americans is significant enough that some municipalities such as Cincinnati have enacted laws making it illegal to discriminate against peoples of Appalachian identity. Appalachians can face discrimination in employment due to a variety of prejudicial assumptions. (10:11pm)
Alan B.: <--- Appalachian stereotypes (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Long Duk Dong Rapido (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Derogatory language against Appalachian Americans includes the terms "redneck" and "hillbilly," both which can be applied to people of any race, gender, or sexual orientation. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Corey Hart - Sunglasses at Night (10:13pm)
Alan B.: NHLG, singly and collectively -- Opinion leaders (10:15pm)
asdf: uh oh i think forgot the meeting. is it still going on? (10:16pm)
Alan B.: I would be honored. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Has Sherilyn's Booper ever heard (excerpts from) The Booper Symphony #1? (10:18pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Circuit bending trigger warning (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Your mom (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: Oh every nhlg is a great show! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: This show is an acquired taste. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Radio Disney, daddy! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Sequential Art. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Nix - (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Hello, Dr. Penny! (10:24pm)
Sherilyn: Sherilyn's Booper LIVED it, Alan. (Not really.) (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Bishop Joey used sarcasm, so I donated to repair art I'll never see. (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: "I'm not making shit up here; this is Nose Hair Lint Gland." -- K.C. (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi back Alan B. :) (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Bob-Marc: "I love these dog heads. they are all that is left of Doggie Diner a Bay Area fast food chain that had 30 locations with multiple locations in San Francisco. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: "When I was a kid this is what we had, there were no McDonald's or Burger Kings, Taco Bells etc, I can distinctly remember the two in the Mission the one on Van Ness and of Course the one out by the zoo out on Sloat. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: "Anyone who loves what (used to ???) makes San Francisco a beautiful and fascinating place to live should give a few bucks to restoring these San Francisco monuments." (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Fuck San Francisco and fuck libertarians: (10:30pm)
Alan B.: Cups and burger wrappers at In-N-Out Burger are marked with Bible citations. TRUE Read more at (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Blotter art by my friend Shady Backflash (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Fiasco was tart. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: I got bad news: (10:38pm)
Alan B.: "Like he wanted to come across as a decent family man after the ignominy of It's a Slippery Slope, but the Journals support this brief change before the big accident. He does seem to be happy during this period, though he frets a little that he is drinking too much and taking cocaine." (10:38pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ Bookslut: The Journals of Spalding Gray edited by Nell Casey (10:38pm)
Sherilyn: DR FIASCO IS POSTING AS ALAN B! (10:38pm)
Alan B.: (10:40pm)
Alan B.: My fucking phone is upstairs, so I'll just post the wiki link: (10:46pm)
Alan B.: WALL STREET LAYS AN EGG (10:47pm)
Alan B.: FORD TO NEW YORK: DROP DEAD (10:47pm)
Alan B.: HICKS NIX PIX IN STICKS (10:48pm)
Alan B.: I've decided that the antibiotics have caused irrepairable brain damage. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Headless Body in Topless Bar (10:49pm)
Alan B.: How much tile do you let the less able sub-contractor do? (10:50pm)
Alan B.: (10:51pm)
Alan B.: I actually really like Skrillex. (10:51pm)
Sherilyn: A more recent one not in that article: Cops Fear Pimp Turf War. (10:51pm)
Sherilyn: As do I! Neither Skrillex nor dubstep do me any harm. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: So soap, radio. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: No Soap, Radio. (11:01pm)
Alan B.: This is fucked up. I cannot find evidence of a single rural-themed box-office flop from 1935. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Alice Faye - Hello Frisco, Hello 1943 - San Francisco (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Ah, Sherilyn -- paydirt! List of films set in the southern United States - 1935 (11:07pm)
Sherilyn: I can't believe they didn't like Lazy River! (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Well, I haven't actually dug up the box office on these, but the article must have referred to something. (11:10pm)
Alan B.: And fucking USC has the Variety archives behind a paywall. (11:10pm)
Alan B.: True story: This girl I knew at the expensive private college I attended skipped about $3,000 in classes to tour with the Dead for a week. Came back with body lice. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: 19) They hijacked many punks (including my once fierce little sister), making them into what they once hated, hippies. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ My goofy friend Adam Rebelius in a nutshell. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: 34) Vegans who smoke cigarettes. (11:15pm)
Alan B.: Variety - "Paramount obviously couldn't make up its mind what it wanted to do with the film; it's rambling and hokey. For a few minutes it's sheer farce, for a few moments it's romance. And it never jells...Fields works hard throughout the film and saves it, giving it whatever entertainment value it has." Mississippi (1935) (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Grateful Dead Kennedys - Nazi Punks Funk Off (11:18pm)
Alan B.: I think my buttocks are on life support. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: The film that killed Will Rogers: (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Party with me Punker (11:24pm)
Sherilyn: Regarding Will Rogers, I have Judge Priest on deck just in case. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Yes. yes, play the Big Black. . . you know you want to . . . (11:26pm)
Alan B.: (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Every woman's cheese box? (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Okay, I'll have to take a raincheck on the balance of the six hours. Thank you. (11:34pm)
Dr. Penny: And there must be tiki torches. (2:11am)

January 8, 2014 10:00pm