We recorded this BRAND NEW EPISODE in the middle of the night when no one was listening. Now YOU TOO can have the pleasure of not listening!

As our first show after a long hiatus, there is a certain amount of "getting back into the swing of things" that must be done. That is to say, we just did this show so we could do this show, and we didn't prepare 800 stories, and we didn't provide helpful interpretation of the news stories, and the music wasn't perfectly synced up, etc. In point of fact it NEVER WAS and it NEVER WILL BE so get over your unreasonable expectations. We have enough shit to do without you bothering us about it, ok? This radio stuff is hard.

Anyway, sorry about everything. I'm confused. What's going on?

Without her. Boo.

A great show! I liked it, anyway. Many burps are avoided. Some not.

THIS IS NOT A REPEAT, although at times you might suspect it is. Well, it's not. That's just nostalgia talking.

Your unlikely travel guides invite you to pack your backpack, your passport, and your paper lunch baggie, so that we can steal them all while you sleep. And metaphorically sell them back to you at a flea market! Yes, our show is a little like that.

Tune in for...
LITERATURE OF INSENSITIVITY
* Today's feature: "Old Mother Earth and Her Family"
* Year: 1930
* Pages: 261
* References to Darkies, Negroids, Mongoloids, etc: lots

STORIES OF MISPRONUNCIATION
* Yoga Exorcises [sic]
* Dictator not fond of domestic pets; Wikileaks hilarity ensues
* Global tax protests continue, using venomous snakes
* Landlord harassment continues, using poisonous scorpions
* Darth Vader fights government corruption
* Madlib: Chinese farmer digs up...
* Russians love Jessica Rabbit; collagen
* Thermal pants — solution to global warming?
* Nicest burglar ever: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I'll leave now"

GUESS THE COUNTRY
* Toy Poodles as Police Dogs
* No Googling!

Why are you reading this? You're going to listen to our show anyways. Why spoil things by getting a preview of our...

MUSIC of INCOMPREHENSION
* Folkstep
* it's a thing where you take, like, ethnic music
* and you mix in some Dubstep
* no, it's really good actually
* you know, Dubstep, with the gigantic wobbly bass lines
* where are you going?! Come back!

STORIES of MISPRONUNCIATION
* "If it tastes like bacon, I'll have it" says Chief Rabbi
* Naked Jews support naked Muslims
* In Switzerland, gay = cocaine
* How giving women fishing boats helps cure AIDS
* Swedish meatball mishap poorly "handled"
* Spanish King victim of domestic abuse, from door
* Out-of-work pilot forced to take gig as lead singer of Iron Maiden

STRANGE STORIES and AMAZING FACTS
* Lynae steals the show by, literally, stealing the show

GUESS THE COUNTRY!
* Florida is not a country
* Also, we didn't get to it
* tune in next week! I guess!

If you're reading this, we'd like to thank you. Really. We'd be nothing without our audience, and we'd like you to know... that we don't know what that means. It sure sounds good though. Anyway, happy Turkey Day. Which reminds me...

You should have seen this coming:
MELANGE OF A MILIEU: TURKEY!
* Ever wonder what turkey is called in Turkey? A ridiculous "Who's On first/royale with cheese" scenario ensues.
* A thoughtful critique of Turkish film adaptaions
* Adaptations like Star Trek, Star Wars, Superman, E.T., The Exorcist, Rocky, Rambo, Wizard of Oz... uh...
* Pirates of the Caribbean?
* Interesting "facts" about Turkey
* If they're called fairy chimneys, where are the fairies?
* Stories from the weird side of the transcontinental country, i.e. both sides
* Istanbul (Not Constantinople) (Not Byzantium Either): a retrospective
* Orin will probably start talking about geology, at which point it's time to move on to...

MUSIC OF UNPRONOUNCEABILITY
* Turkish Delight provided for all
* Psych funk folk garage psychedelic protest rock
* Psych funk folk garage psychedelic protest rock, volume 2
* Why are there always 2 volumes?
* Ye olde Turkiye musique
* I guess we might play "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" once, a little

GUESS THE COUNTRY
* Today's super-secret hint: some of these may be Turkey

Wow, we really liked this show. It was excellent, even though it was mostly us talking. Wait! Don't go!

No, really, there's a lot of good stuff, such as our...
STORIES OF UNPRONOUNCEABILITY
* Calls for cats resignation; "that cat won't hunt", say lawmakers
* High school, Obama fisheries fights giant jellyfish by inventing new caramel candy for astronauts
* If only there were a way to make travel tours less boring -- I've got it! Afghanistan!
* A real-life, true-blue, button-your-shoe sandal scandal
* "Sure, the vet bill costs thousands, but it's our national ridiculously cute animal"
* Grab a dude's butt? That's a lashin'
* Iron Pastry Chef: Greece -- this week's special ingredient... cocaine!
* Donkey legally runs for Mayor, takes no kickbacks
* Atsa spicy curry! I'm going to the hospital now, as my usual diet is oats and herring
* Britons: wipe before texting, it's gross
* Meanwhile in Holland: here, shit in this plastic bag
* No sex please, we're over 60
* Special! Lightning Round... Round the World


It's not quite a...
MELANGE OF A MILIEU
* We visit scenic North Korea! ...'s official website.
* North Korean worker's paradise created in underwear factory using choco pie currency
* Oh, sorry, this is the story about the North Korean underwear factory (with porn connection!)
* There are only 2 bands in North Korea; 1 of them wears short shorts (who wears short-shorts?)
* A thoughtful, in-depth analysis of the political realities of a country where freedom NOPE BORING


Sure it was mostly a talk-ing show, but we had still managed to pack in some good...
MUSIC OF INCOMPREHENSION
* lots of Beatles covers, because we have to kill time somehow
* Beegees covers, because we have to kill our listenership somehow
* Throat-singing metal, metal throat-singing, who knows?
* Military "top brass" from Ka-ree-ar

GUESS THE COUNTRY
* Nah, don't
* That game is hard sometimes

Tune in! Let your earholes do the walking! It's healthy! It sounds unhygienic but it's actually probably good for you, maybe. I'm not a doctor.

GALVANIZED NOODLE EXTRUDER

Guests in the studio!? You don’t hear that every day. I finally have a guy around who can back me up when I claim all men want to pee on Mt. Everest.

Our best-produced episode yet, no doubt due to certain changes in the studio environment. This un-re-pre-recorded episode was quite fun to make. We got to sample many foreign delicacies such as Turkish coffee (from Ethiopia) and Lichtenstein pear pie (from the pears we bought).

This can be considered a follow-up, if you will, to last week's epic episode wherein we covered the world many times over. So big is the world (it turns out) that there wasn't room enough for such STORIES OF UNPRONOUNCEABILITY as:

* a polyglot dictionary entrepreneur/unicycling evangelist/space survivalist who is NOT Japanese
* solar panel factory closes after pollution protests
* familiy sedans used as stunt cars by spoiled rich a-holes (w/ video!)
* Ghana's problem with those pesky Wiccans
* Africa says "suck it up, whitey"
* filthy pollution is no problem, it's filthy brains which are
* crinkly aluminum foil!

To the delight of all, we have found time for some truly great MUSIC OF INCOMPREHENSION including:

* Eskimo throatsinging
* modern Russian electronic exotica
* African Jews -- yes really!
* Egyptian/Indian crossover psych jam sessions
* Jazz-io-pia
* Some plinky Indonesian shit
* non-traditional Eskimo throatsinging
* Cambodian classical rock revival
* Pakistani Bollywood (Lollywood)
* What is this? New Caledonia? I don't even know.
* Celtic Bagpipes Hip-Hop
* Inuit throatsinging
* Covers! Rape Me, Born To Be Wild, Delilah
* Middle East Drum 'n' Bass (actually good)
* Oh, look at that, some Eskimo throatsinging
* A really surprise birthday song

Fun trivia: the working title for this episode was "Some Weird Foreign Shit".

Where to start... where... *on Earth* to start... get it? Cause, we do a show about weird and interesting stuff around the world, and I said "where on Earth", and... nevermind. That joke's probably over your head anyways.

GUESS THE COUNTRY
* prizes!
* dumb banter!
* ethnic/national stereotyping!
* Lynae says she's tired of having to guess all the time!
* someone please for gawdssakes call in or chat!
* no Googling. I'm serious, NO GOOGLING.

MUSIC
* Orgasmatron
* You're Cheatin' Heart
* Delilah
* man, don't we have any foreign covers of happy, nice songs?
* Rape Me

ANIMAL STORIES:
* piranhas
* beeeees!
* hedgehogs, lots of hedgehogs
* frogs (the French)
* frogs (juice only)
* Adolf Hitler

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT A GUESS THE COUNTRY
* schools raided by police; police say "stop studying"
* "Jesus Christ, Superstar" center of media corruption plot
* familiy sedans used as stunt cars by spoiled rich a-holes
* cheap car made less cheap by addition of 176 pounds of gold
* vice defendants: "our P.M. loves whores even more"
* corpse alarms: more useful than you think
* singing garbage cans decrease litter, increase stupid
* Butter shortages! Fat taxes! Mass hysteria!
* Rent-a-country... in Europe, even! Only $70K! Wait, really?
* accidental Hipsters; hint: they're old people
* topless Virgin Mary causes crime Cf. "Mariolatry is not a joke!"
* Irn-bru blah .scot domain yadda yadda distraght over new Italian accent
* radio station gives out AK-47, hand granades... you know, for kids
* free helicopter rides for kids! In a warzone!
* solar panel factory closes after pollution protests

BONUS: a polyglot dictionary entrepreneur/unicycling evangelist/space survivalist who is NOT Japanese.

Remember, if you miss any of our shows you can listen/download them here: https://radiovalencia.fm/podcasts/?show=radio+unpronounceable

Thanks for reading!

It's been a long time since we did a music show. You know, where exotic and enjoyable music is played. Today... is the day we break that funk.

What better way than to go on a mind-expanding trip, across oceans of culture, to discover a music forgotten by time? You'll find how exciting a traditional droning 3-stringed goatskin lute and 7-horned bagpipe-like folk oboe can be!

Now, I don't want to give too many spoilers. I'm not just trying to psych you up either. But I'll say that there will be lots of great music and you may want to break out the "special" headphones to get "the full effect".

Introducing a New Unpronounceable Feature: MÉLANGE OF A MILIEU

This week we profile Turkmenistan, a perfectly functional central Asian country with scarcely any corruption problems, unusual politics, or bizarre infrastructure. Since president-for-life Türkmenbaşy (father of all Turkmen), a former electrical engineer and Soviet orphan died in 2006, many welcome changes have arrived. People are permitted to move about the nation on subsidized $5 flights. Government employees are no longer required to to take a 37km "health walk" annually in this, the hottest Asian country. All vodka bottles do still bear his likeness, however, while beards, gold teeth, dirty cars and opera remain a faux pas.

Say it with me: Mélange! A mixture of unrelated parts!
All together now: Milieu! A social or cultural setting!


Meanwhile, GUESS THE COUNTRY gets harder and harder... here's some real toughies:

* Kangaroo apprehended for stealing panties
* Man forgets 9 pounds of meth at grocery store checkout
* New lawn sign: "please do not defecate on dead hedgehogs"
* Gov't likes idea of answering census topless, wearing lingerie, holding whip
* Prime Minister pulled from foreign substitute teacher pool


Here are many other STORIES OF UNPRONOUNCEABILTY we have the newsroom chasing up:

* Journalists not liked in Nigeria, I suggest they stop stealing penises
* Malaysia still smells bad
* Despite reprimands, Orangutan finds nicotine patches useless
* How do you even get 110 pounds of lamb meat into a suitcase?
* Controversial lunar no-fly zone enacted... no word if Christmas on the Moon still possible
* Scientists bored of searching oceans turn to local fish markets to discover new species
* Seriously!! Let us tell you about these yellow Greek mafia donuts!!!!


Last & somewhat least, now that I think about it, I used to play so much, man we should really play more MUSIC OF INCOMPREHENSION
* Don't worry. I mean, I've got stuff. Good stuff.
* Hey, YouTube has stuff
* Here's some cool pictures from Flickr. I know that's unrelated but I needed more bullet points: http://www.flickr.com/photos/orinrobertjohn/galleries/72157627536568499/

We weren't here last week. Did you even notice? You didn't, you insensitive cad, and to make up for it you need to listen to us this week as we cover a scintillating array of topics like:

* Does farting count as "friendly fire?"
* Chuck Norris and the U.N. agree, but Chuck is too busy doing roundhouse kicks to understand that.
* You pay your doctor; if he kills your brother, can you kill your doctor for money?
* Our favorite sterotyping game: guess the country!
* Necessity of knowing what you're packing before lending library books highly overestimated, court declares.
* Made in China: holy books filled with errors
* Made in China: American civil rights leaders
* Made in China: really expensive dogs that are NOT for eating
* Made in China: virgins, apparently
* Progressive Dutch solve asylum crisis with game show
* Mega-rare Buddhist flower, possible slime mold
* "Wait, you mean I can just waltz into any museum and snort a dead animal to get a hardon?"
* What I did on my Summer vacation, goofy American fighting for Libyan rebels edition
* The War on Fun continues... in Iran
* If you urinate in an abandoned house filled with donuts, don't buy donuts next door
* Many more too asinine to list!


Of course we will have our usual selection of fine musical selections,

* Blathering old Jews -- no, really!
* Dub reggae with a Laotian khene, khaen, khein, however those Louses spell it.
* "Tequila" as heard in a disco in Spain in 1978.
* Some plinky Chinese shit, you know what I mean Orin.
* The famous "Yok Yok" song (we promise to sing the lyrics we know)
* Macedonian pop
* Palestinian pop
* Cambodian pop
* Ok, you have heard of Sublime Frequencies right?
* Eskimo throatsinging, but only if you're good

Please do tune in. There will be prizes! We will consider sharing some, but probably won't.

We don't even tell you when we'll be on. That's how cool and off-the-cuff we are.

We here at Rah-di-o Unpronounceable have an ear for quality. At least one between us, just like those witches in Clash of the Titans. Whether it's meaningless banter, insensitive social commentary, annoying foreign music, or the most useless headlines of today, we guarantee Zebest.

To celebrate our 25th show we're giving our listeners something special: a surprise! Something many might have asked for, but few ever would. No point ruining the surprise here — you'll have to tune in!

"The law says all you can do on a Sunday is religiously lay down and pray for Monday to arrive."

Mah Na is mentioned more than once.

Graphic source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/benpearce/2078156914/in/set-72157603362219168

Sponsored by the "rural community" of Diamondbar.

The episode graphic can be found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/benpearce/2271635173/in/faves-orinrobertjohn/