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Deck Chair Rearrangement 101
September 5, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Deck Chair Rearrangement 101
The band had broken out in the strains of "Nearer, My God, to Thee," some minutes before Murdock lifted the revolver to his head, fired and toppled over on his face. Moody saw all this in a vision that filled his brain, while his ears drank in the tragic strain of the beautiful hymn that the band played as their own dirge, even to the moment when the waters sucked them down.

Wherever Murdock's eye swept the water in that instant, before he drew his revolver, it looked upon veritable seas of drowning men and women. From the decks there came to him the shrieks and groans of the caged and drowning, for whom all hope of escape from the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND was utterly vanished. He evidently never gave a thought to the possibility of saving himself, his mind freezing with the horrors he beheld and having room for just one central idea--swift extinction.

The strains of the hymn and the frantic cries of Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB (with no Carpenters) blended in a symphony of sorrow.

Led by the green light, under the light of stars, the podcasts drew away, and the bow, then the quarter, then the stacks and last the stern of the marvel station of a few days before passed beneath the waters. The great force of the station's sinking was unaided by any violence of the elements, and the suction, not so great as had been feared, rocked but mildly the group of podcasts now a quarter of a mile distant from it.

Just before the station disappeared from view men and women leaped from the stern. More than a hundred men, according to Colonel Gracie, jumped at the last. Gracie was among the number and he and the second officer were of the very few who were saved.

As the vessel disappeared, the air waves drowned the majestic hymn which the musicians played as they went to their watery grave. The most authentic accounts agree that this hymn was not "Nearer, My God, to Thee," which it seems had been played shortly before, but "Autumn," which is found in the Episcopal hymnal and which fits appropriately the situation on the station in the last moments of pain and darkness there. One line, "Hold me up in mighty waters," particularly may have suggested the hymn to some minister aboard the doomed station, who, it has been thought, thereupon asked the remaining passengers to join in singing the hymn, in a last service aboard the sinking station, soon to be ended by death itself.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It was sad when that great station went down.

Chatroom History
September 5, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am
justin: thank you and thank you for listening!! (10:00pm)
Gerald Fnord: So Steve Bannon replies 'Iceberg, Weisberg, who cares what the yid's name was? '. (10:19pm)
radio silencer: like trying to waterboard in the mariana trench... (pause for indiscriminate laughter) (10:23pm)
radio silencer: waterboard internet prisoners (on internet death row) (10:25pm)

August 29, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
While the television season no longer runs neatly from September to May, there's still a rush of new shows — especially on broadcast networks — in the fall. Here are the Top Picks from the Popular Culture Department of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

"CSI: Radio Valencia" - Tuesday 10pm

Join the top investigators of the Radio Valencia staff email list as they solve the crime of the century: who took the missing bathroom
key. The answer will surprise you! (well, maybe you... not us).

"Cuck and Robyn" - Tuesdays 8pm

He's antifa, she's MAGA... but can pure, blind hate be enough to keep them together? Next week... a visit from the hippie in-laws!

"Twin Peaks, The Sleepening" - Sundays 10 pm

Life in the Twin Peaks Assisted Living Center is anything but bland
meals and Matlock, why there are matching lodges, a vortex and endless mystery... like who put that fish in the coffeemaker? Join the dwindling cast of the original series as they confound their relatives with backward talk and long periods of catatonia for their final season. Seriously, THEIR FINAL SEASON.

"The 700 Club" - Saturdays 7pm

You know one of these days Pat Robertson is going to go off about the darky who served him last week at Olive Garden. You don't want to miss this confirmation of all your suspicions! Season premiere guest star: Donald Trump's spiritual advisor, the Gay Zombie Jew Roy Cohn.

"Star Trek: Discovery Hearing" - Sundays 9pm

ST:DH is the first Star Trek TV seriesdeveloped by network executives intentionally trying to turn the popular TV versions of Star Trek into a predictable, muddied mess. That's right, exactly what you've come to expect! This time some guy plays a human who was adopted and raised by Sarek, father to Trek's most beloved character, Spock, only to become a corporate lawyer with a passion for fiscal responsibility. BEAM THOSE SPREADSHEETS DOWN, SCOTTIE!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Why it's another Golden Age of Television!

Chatroom History
August 29, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

laiD: maB-aW (10:13pm)
laiD: !ffust taerG (10:14pm)

The Hippie Temptation
August 22, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
The Hippie Temptation
On Aug. 22, 1967, a CBS News series titled Who, What, Where, When, Why premiered, anchored by Harry Reasoner. The premier was a shocking expose of the Haight-Ashbury scene known as The Hippie Temptation. Basically, the producers decided that showing teenagers picture of people having a good time, and hoping that “Now don’t you go and do this!” finger-wagging testimonials from marble-mouthed men in white coats will make it look less appealing is a certain way to STOP DRUG FUN. Presenting this hysterical historial documentary is the theme of tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, presented by Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB. Now guess which one watched the show live, because his mom was concerned.


Chatroom History
August 22, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dial: Any luck with avocados? (10:24pm)
We close: the chatterbox at 9:45pm (10:25pm)
Dial: Cool. Have fun. (10:29pm)
root beer tapper: john md.d (10:38pm)
dave: is here (10:53pm)
this is not a dream: or is it? (11:11pm)
teen: age (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: dial, i forgot to tell you one of the two i did your way has sprouted (12:23am)
vj pussycat: about a week ago (12:23am)

August 15, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
On the 40th anniversary of Elvis's death, only the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND dares to ask, "Is Elvis alive?" The shocking truth uncovered by Sherilyn Connelly you!

Special NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Spoiler Alert: The answer is "no."

Chatroom History
August 15, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am
The Reel Donald Trump : If You Hurt Guam, Nose Hair Lint Grand Will Delusional (10:48pm)

August 8, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
As if to prove that casual prediction that we could not possibly survive 8 months of a cheeto-colored shitgibbon's presidency, the Universe has given us August! What a month! Tucked neatly between the anniversaries of two nuclear attacks on an Asian adversary as serious consideration is given to nuking another any day now, tonight's FINAL BROADCAST (see what we did there?) of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will 1) remember all the fun fun things that can and will happen on a lazy late summer day and 2) prepare for our own unnecessary demise. World wars and August go together like eggs and bacon, which is aborted fetuses and murdered pig belly, mmmmm so fatally good, like all of these August "coincidences":

338 BC – A Macedonian army defeated the combined forces of Athens and Thebes at the Battle of Chaeronea, securing Macedonian hegemony over the majority of Ancient Greece.
30 BC – Cleopatra, the last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, committed suicide, allegedly by means of an asp bite.
461 – Unpopular among the senate aristocracy for his reform efforts, Roman emperor Majorian was deposed by Ricimer and executed five days later.
778 – A Frankish army led by Roland was defeated by the Basques at Roncevaux Pass in the Pyrenees on the border between France and Spain.
1265 – Second Barons' War: Royal forces under Prince Edward defeated Baronial forces under Simon de Montfort, 6th Earl of Leicester, at the Battle of Evesham near Evesham, Worcestershire.
1461 – Ming general Cao Qin staged a failed coup against the Emperor Yingzong.
1506 – Muscovite–Lithuanian Wars: The Grand Duchy of Lithuania achieved one of the greatest Lithuanian victories against the Tatars in the Battle of Kletsk.
1521 – After an extended siege, forces led by Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés captured Tlatoani Cuauhtémoc and conquered the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan.
1745 – Bonnie Prince Charlie raised the Jacobite standard at Glenfinnan in the Scottish Highlands to begin the Second Jacobite Rising.
1792 – French Revolution: Insurrectionists in Paris stormed the Tuileries Palace, effectively ending the French monarchy until it was restored in 1814.
1814 – War of 1812: British forces invaded Washington, D.C., setting fire to various US government buildings, including what is now the White House
1796 – War of the First Coalition: The Austrian army attempted to break the Siege of Mantua, but were repelled by the French Army of Italy under Napoleon.
1877 – Nez Perce War: Both Nez Perce and United States Army sides suffered numerous casualties as they fought to a stalemate in the Battle of the Big Hole.
1896 – The United Kingdom and Zanzibar went to war, with Zanzibar surrendering less than an hour after the conflict broke out.
1897 – The Siege of Malakand ended when a relief column was able to reach the British garrison in the Malakand region of colonial India's North West Frontier Province.
1914 – First World War: Adhering to the terms in the 1839 Treaty of London, the United Kingdom declared war on Germany in response to the latter's invasion of Belgium.
1918 – Fanny Kaplan shot and wounded Bolshevik leader Vladimir Lenin, one of the events leading to the Red Terror in the future Soviet Union, a repression against Socialist Revolutionary Party members and other political opponents.
1934 – A German referendum supported the recent merging of the posts of Chancellor and President, consolidating Adolf Hitler's assumption of supreme power.
1937 – The Battle of Shanghai broke out, eventually becoming one of the largest and bloodiest battles of the entire Second Sino-Japanese War.
1939 – Nazi forces, posing as Poles, staged an attack against the German radio station Sender Gleiwitz in Gleiwitz, Upper Silesia, Germany, creating an excuse to invade Poland the next day.
1942 – Second World War: Erwin Rommel launched the last major Axis offensive of the Western Desert Campaign, attacking the British Eighth Army position near El Alamein, Egypt.
1943 – Second World War: The Royal Air Force began a strategic bombing campaign against Nazi Germany's V-weapon programme by attacking the Peenemünde Army Research Center.
1944 – World War II: Wehrmacht infantry carried out an assault operation against the civilian residents of nine villages located in the Amari Valley on the Greek island of Crete.
1945 – World War II: The U.S. Army Air Force B-29 bomber Enola Gay dropped an atomic bomb named "Little Boy" on Hiroshima, Japan, killing as many as 140,000 people.
1945 – World War II: Nagasaki is devastated when an atomic bomb, Fat Man, is dropped by the United States B-29 Bockscar. 35,000 people are killed outright, including 23,200-28,200 Japanese war workers, 2,000 Korean forced workers, and 150 Japanese soldiers.
1966 – Vietnam War: Members from D Company of the 6th Battalion of the Royal Australian Regiment were surrounded and attacked on all sides by a much larger Viet Cong unit at the Battle of Long Tan, but held them off for several hours until reinforcements arrived.

Hmmm, a lot of "extending extreme diplomacy by other means" seems to happen during the Dog Days. But, but, but, what about Popular Culture? Hold my beer:

1969 – Followers led by Charles Manson murder pregnant actress Sharon Tate (wife of Roman Polanski), coffee heiress Abigail Folger, Polish actor Wojciech Frykowski, men's hairstylist Jay Sebring and recent high-school graduate Steven Parent.
1977 – Elvis Presley (pictured), "The King of Rock and Roll", was officially pronounced dead at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, after he was found unresponsive on the floor of his Graceland bathroom.
1980 – Two-month-old Australian Azaria Chamberlain was taken from her family's campsite at Uluru by a dingo, for which her mother was wrongly convicted of murder.
1997 – Diana, Princess of Wales, her companion Dodi Fayed, and their driver Henri Paul were killed in a high speed car accident in the Pont de l'Alma road tunnel in Paris.

On the other hand, we can always fondly remember how we launched August last week:

August 11, 1942 – Actress Hedy Lamarr and composer George Antheil received a patent for their "Secret Communications System", an early technique of frequency-hopping spread spectrum that later became the basis for many forms of today's wireless communication systems.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Ah, save me, save me, save me from this squeeze. I gotta big fat mama trying to break me. And I love to live so pleasantly. Live this life of luxury. Lazing on a sunny afternoon. In the summertime. In the summertime. In the summertime. In the summertime.
In the summertime."

Chatroom History
August 8, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dial: Sweet (10:01pm)
Dial: So, my trick worked to get them going? (10:02pm)
vj pussycat: well, neither of the two i did following your method have sprouted yet, but they def appear to have roots (10:04pm)
DJ Stonehocker: we're actually closed right now. sorry guys. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: ha (10:06pm)
Dial: Well, at least your robot face-down is still on the website. (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: hi stonehocker (10:06pm)
Dial: Stonehocker, is that really you? (10:06pm)
vj pussycat: yea, pretty funny the listener pic broke with my pic up there (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: do you think someone is impersonating stonehocker? (10:08pm)
Dial: I hope not. He's a great dude. (10:09pm)
Dial: Yep. Your picture is totally responsible for killing the Pic stuff. Ha! (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: i might've sent a more interesting pic had i known it would be up there this long (10:12pm)
DJ Stonehocker: someone is in my mind.. can't control. (10:12pm)
Karen Carpenter: I'm sick of people fucking around with these great dudes! (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HE IS INSIDE WITH US (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY (10:13pm)
JD Honestocker: HIS PAIN WILL NEVER END (10:13pm)
Dial: I think it's perfect. The flat-out face down shot is hilarious! (10:13pm)
Dial: Agreed, Karen. I don't get it. Let's all just be chill. (10:14pm)
vj pussycat: he's possessed. don't think we can do much about that (10:15pm)
DJ Stonehocker:'t .....only ev///yll//// (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: is that a mott the hoople song (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: schmutz (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: idiots are people too (10:19pm)
Karen Carpenter: turns out Berkowitz IS a dj at RadioValencia (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: which show (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: is it the one after nhlg? (10:20pm)
Dial: Yeah, I said that. But, just being protective. Never want to piss anyone off. No reason. (10:20pm)
Dial: Chat later. Have a great night. (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: thx dial, you too (10:22pm)
JD Honestocker: CHAT NOW NOW NOW (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: how bout that dougie jones (10:24pm)
Karen Carpenter: keep it light, people! (10:26pm)
The Light People: Thanks! (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: wanna arm wrestle? (10:27pm)
The Light People: No arms. Just Light....thinking. (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: light people are idiots too (10:28pm)
The Light People: Hi! Wanna ride? (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: where you going (10:28pm)
The Light People: Bergawitz, PN! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: lovers lane (10:29pm)
The Light People: No car. Just Light! (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: light speed (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: cherry pie! (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: charlie! (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: insanity (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: stop the insanity (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: rr to go (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: that was not the season finale (10:37pm)
The Light People: 567 Light Talk MR833j (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: what?!! season finale is sunday?!! fuck! too soon! (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: i'm so depressed now (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: and glen campbell is dead. what a shitty day (10:44pm)
The Light People: r5rl;' (11:26pm)

Thank Hedy for Wi-Fi!
August 1, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Thank Hedy for Wi-Fi!
Spread spectrum systems are becoming more and more prevalent, also for ISMband systems. As the ISM bands become more and more crowded, the anti-jamming properties of spread spectrum techniques are useful for ensuring reliable communications. The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND differs from a classical narrow-band or broadband system in that the signal energy is spread over a much wider frequency range, reducing the power spectral density of the signal and providing several advantages:

• Low Probability of Intercept, meaning that it is harder to detect the RF signal of Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly;

• Higher tolerance to narrow-band noise sources, the anti-JamCon property;

• Reduction of sensitivity to interference from multi-path reflections of the Programming Committee;

• Possibility of CDMA (Code-division multiple access) operation, where several cooperating transmitters using different frequency hopping patterns can transmit in the same frequency range without disturbing scruffy DJs who just want to play two turntables of German techno in peace.

Under FCC regulations, frequency hopping systems fulfilling certain requirements on 87.9FM are allowed to transmit using Low Power FM, so long as they don't perjure themselves.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Far less than a pretty face.

Chatroom History
August 1, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: albert pulled him out (10:34pm)
Gerald Fnord: (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: the cruise director (10:38pm)
Gerald Fnord: t/61395544706/the-original-mary-sue- a-trekkies-tale-by-paula (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: julie the cruise director on the love boat was in ep11 (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: hey, karen, (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: hey karen, our bday is on nhlg night (11:02pm)

Westwood vs. Deadworld
July 25, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Westwood vs. Deadworld
In reviews of popular culture, there is one stale technique second only to the creation of "Best/Worst" lists that challenges the immeasurable intellect of the above average viewer, and that is the death match. Take two vaguely similar productions and compare them as if they were candidates for sending on our next interstellar space probe to represent the pinnacle of human-like civilization. Setting aside the futility of shipping a show screener to the Tribble-Eaters of Regulus 9 when the program already has several years headstart traveling at the speed of light, coming to consensus about which show is superior serves a necessary role in human self-identification and acceptable public self-stimulation. In tonight's exercise, and accepting that Twin Peaks is not eligible (because 1. the 3rd season hasn't finished broadcasting, and 2. there is debate if Twin Peaks even originates on Earth), we are left with two other shows to fight it out. The obvious pre-qualifiers are:

- must be a western

- must employ exceptional Old World dialogue issued from illiterate cowboys

- must have a main character played by an Englishman

That both shows were filmed on the same location is just gravy, according to media archivists Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB. An entirefully appropriatedly presentationment fitting for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Listeners are given the option to pick a White Hat or a Black Hat.

Chatroom History
July 25, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: what's new, nhlg? (10:42pm)
Dial: Anyone home? (12:02am)
Dial: Meaning chatterbox (12:02am)
Habdle Fresco: Hola Jah Frass Hola Chapin! (12:13am)

Every Version Of "Stardust" Ever
July 18, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Every Version Of "Stardust" Ever
You know, some time ago I had a love affair that ended sort of unhappily, and just a little while back, just before I died, in fact, I was on the operating table, and I was searching to try and find something to hang on to, you know. Cause when you're dying, your life suddenly really does become very authentic. And I was reaching for something to give my life meaning, and a memory flashed through my mind.

It was one of those great spring days, a Sunday, and you knew summer would be coming soon. And I remember that morning Dorrie and I had gone for a walk in the park. We came back to the apartment. We were just sort of sitting around. And I put on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, which was a podcast that I grew up loving. It was very, very pretty, and I happened to glance over, and I saw Dorrie sitting there. And I remember thinking to myself how terrific she was and how much I loved Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly. And I don't know. I guess it was the combination of everything, the sound of that music, and the breeze, and how beautiful the podcasters looked to me. And for one brief moment, everything just seemed to come together perfectly, and I felt happy. Almost indestructible, in a way. And it's funny, that simple little moment of contact moved me in a very, very profound way.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Yes, we know about David Bowie and "Ziggy Stardust." That's a different thing.

Chatroom History
July 18, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Dj Paulitics: Nose Hair! I keep winning with you... Take us to the winner's circle... We take the gold everytime we stop and go... Get the 1st place trophy and exchange it for for nothing but pure soul and salt tides! (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: happiest birthday wishes to mrs dr fiasco (11:12pm)
Dial: Hey, P (11:13pm)
vj pussycat: hey dial (11:13pm)
Dial: Agave in order? (11:14pm)
Fropchopula: Yes two pls (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: three then (11:15pm)
Fropchopula: Why wont it post (11:16pm)
Fropchopula: I came back from (11:16pm)
Fropchopula: The dead, for this? (11:16pm)
Fropchopula: Hows that nest of wires? (11:17pm)
Dial: Well cheers to all! (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: cheers back at cha (11:18pm)
Fropchopula: Slainte (11:18pm)
Fropchopula: Drinking often gets me blamed for opp (11:19pm)
Dial: Pretty much have everything confirmed for working in Grass Valley all of September and October, Pussycat. (11:20pm)
Fropchopula: I just like when sherilyn profanes, more profanes (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: snort it (11:20pm)
Fropchopula: This isnt another unfriendly chathole ismit? Ive had my fill lately (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: that's a long time. i figured you'd be there a week (11:21pm)
Fropchopula: Here maybe this will shift your focusii (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: there's nobody here, but good people (11:22pm)
Dial: All love here. (11:22pm)
DefNOTfropchopula: This is how u call.. "sockin"? (11:22pm)
Dial: We can chat during my show, P. Again, best to all. (11:23pm)
DefNOTfropchopula: Best effort is the least effort (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: so, dial you can come see the mermen in nevada city. we're doing two nights at cooper's sometime in september (11:24pm)
Dial: Great! And, maybe come check out a broadcast, too. (11:26pm)
Dial: That sounds like a blast. (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: yea maybe if you go on in the day (11:27pm)
vj pussycat: oh it's so much fun (11:27pm)
Frank L. Visco: My hat, lost my hat (11:27pm)
Dial: We'll make it happen (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: are you gonna be broadcasting to rv or kvmr too? (11:28pm)
Frank L. Visco: You mean readers digest? (11:34pm)
Dial: It'll be the same as now. I'll just be back in CA for that time. (11:38pm)
Dial: Excited to check out Mermen (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: cool. we always have fun in nc/gv (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: and you'll get to experience the whack light show i do (11:49pm)
Dial: It's a blast there. Going to be really fun to have a couple months. (11:52pm)
Dial: Whacked out lights? Count me in. (11:53pm)
Frank L. Visco: Zoolanders BEWARE (11:57pm)
Frank L. Visco: WHO KILLED THAT RUG (11:57pm)
vj pussycat: it's more like video/visual/eye candy (11:58pm)
Frank L. Visco: YEAH PIANO CASTLES ZEBRA (11:58pm)
vj pussycat: goodnight nose hairs and lint glands (11:58pm)
Frank L. Visco: wopps.sorry for "yelling" (11:58pm)
Frank L. Visco: Willy, teller i still lover (11:59pm)
Dial: I'll pack a few extra edibles (12:01am)
vj pussycat: good idea. you can always visit reno to pick stuff up. it's legal now :) (12:02am)
Dial: You'll have to show me around. (12:06am)
vj pussycat: sure. you gonna come up to reno while you're there? may as well, there's cool shit in/around reno (12:08am)
Dial: Definitely. Staying with mu buddy and helping his business out. We'll have time to play quite a bit in between work days. (12:12am)
vj pussycat: nice (12:15am)

Amelia Earhart is Alive and Well and Living with Quackser Fortune's Cousin in the Bronx
July 11, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Amelia Earhart is Alive and Well and Living with Quackser Fortune's Cousin in the Bronx
On the 80th anniversary of that fateful flight over the Pacific, new evidence has emerged to suggest Amelia Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan, didn’t just vanish over the ocean in 1937. That was the year Earhart made two attempts to circumnavigate the globe in her Lockheed Electra, the second of which appeared to have ended in her crash landing somewhere over the Pacific when she wasn’t able to refuel on Howland Island. Not everyone accepted Earhart and Noonan’s fate, though; some people, including Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, believe Earhart actually made it to land. Those notions have been dusted off in the upcoming FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR GLAND, which centers on a decades-old photo that appears to show Earhart and Noonan, alive and relatively well in a mostly-forgotten Gene Wilder movie.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We are on the line 157 337. We will repeat this message. We will repeat this on 6210 kilocycles. Wait.

Chatroom History
July 11, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: speaking of missing persons, bucks county is missing some (10:12pm)
NRUI: NRUI calling KHAQQ. Indicate reception by four long dashes and then give bearing Howland, north or south. This is NRUI. (10:12pm)
USS Itasca: Itasca calling Earhart 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. If you get me come in please. (10:18pm)
USS Itasca: Itasca (10:20pm)
USS Itasca: 281 north Howland yes it is really a photogragh (10:21pm)
USS Itasca: We see your flares and are proceding towards you (10:21pm)
Betty Klenk: heard 158 mi. help me...w40k Howland port waters high here put your ear to it this is amelia putnam sos stop amelia speak uncle oh oh help help us quick I can feel it your right Bob come here just a moment (10:25pm)
CBS : radio show The March of Time played a show about a lost aircraft at the time the search was on (10:27pm)
Karen Carpenter: Bucks Co. is missing ? (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: i thought you'd have a report on this strange story (10:33pm)
Karen Carpenter: most go to the Jersey shore in July (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: i wonder if the fbi is hip to that (10:34pm)
Twin : Sore (10:35pm)
NRUI: The missing photo of Bucks Co. was taken two years before it dissapperedd (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: before it was involuntarily committed (10:36pm)
Fropchopula: Is this heaven? (10:40pm)
Fropchopula: Amidead? (10:40pm)
Fropchopula: Its glorious... whatever it is, thx for not banning me guys n gals (10:40pm)
Karen Carpenter: too busy to find missing county (10:44pm)
Karen Carpenter: there are 3 million fake counties voting (10:45pm)
Karen Carpenter: KrOB just informed me that he tried to give vj pussycat the ChatBox, but for some misunderstanding she never took possession (10:46pm)
Well: take it away! (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: he wanted me to buy it (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: for a jillion internet dollars (11:08pm)
Fropchopula: U cpuld prolly talk him down to a few scents (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: what?! you didn't watch 9 yet (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: no (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: don't tell (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: more guest stars (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: there's coffee (11:16pm)
vj pussycat: what about the pie (11:16pm)
vj pussycat: dick jr (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: it's the god and run club (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: fun wedding that was (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: got a light? (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: what happened to bob marc (11:38pm)

July 5, 2017 12:00am


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Chatroom History
July 5, 2017 12:00am - 1:30am

CraptainConnectivity: Made it... Fashionably (12:08am)
CraptainConnectivity: Tired as shit boop. (12:11am)
vj pussycat: aftershow wooo (12:45am)
vj pussycat: just like burning what's his name (12:46am)
vj pussycat: sexist (12:48am)
vj pussycat: i just got here (12:49am)
vj pussycat: the dog ate my headphones (12:50am)
vj pussycat: that's it? ripped off (1:03am)
Dj Paulitics: Tuff sounds! You are my favorite heroes... the best robot ethicists.... t (1:14am)

July 4, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Some say America's best days are behind us. Sadly, what's really behind us is not as charming as American car ads make it out, in fact you don't want to go back there. Yup, what passes for new these days is not anything you want to brag about. Everyone yearns for the good old days of hard, solid and proud examples of getting the big job done, taking from an irresistible idea all the way to the completed paperwork. We used to take a good long look at what we had made... but no more. Our greatest achievement now is simply reaching the special private seat when you really really need to be there... and that place is where you should watch the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Get your shit together.

Chatroom History
July 4, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: there is no god (10:41pm)
CraptainConnectivity: Crunchy (11:46pm)
CraptainConnectivity: Lemme guess.. technical diffixulties (11:59pm)
CraptainConnectivity: Made it... Fashionably (12:08am)
CraptainConnectivity: Tired as shit boop. (12:11am)

June 27, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
In a recent review of this year's summer films provocatively entitled "Ticket, Torrent, Stream It", Sherilyn Connelly presented to her readers three theoretical routes to viewing a movie:

"... you decide which movies you should pay to see in a theater on a given weekend, which you should watch on the streaming service of your choice in a few months, and which you should download using Bram Cohen’s peer-to-peer problem-child BitTorrent — which, of course you should never do, because stealing is wrong."

Now this article was read by dozens of people, including Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, KrOB, the entire Radio Valencia Board of Directors, Alan B, my guinea pigs and the CEO of an important film rights protection group made of 500 entertainment corporations who will not sleep at night in a world where creative properties of artists can be illegally stolen by soulless denizens of the Internet. Although Connelly was unambiguous about stating the wrongness of intellectual property theft, a serious letter was sent and the RV Board of Directors decided to suspend Connelly's contribution to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND on the grounds that even suggesting that creative property gets stolen is equivalent to armed robbery of Stevie Wonder's walking stick. Also, each download of the latest Transformers masterpiece takes at least $30 out of Michael Bay's pocket. And the Alamo New Mission Drafthouse has to lay off 2 hunchbacked servers. And Blockbuster won't be able to open a second outlet in the Mall of America. Clearly, Sherilyn Connelly is a monster.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: In a statement, Connelly decided to spend more time with her family and asks that you respect her privacy.

Chatroom History
June 27, 2017 10:00pm - 12:23am

Dial-a-Shot: And also get to hear Whitey on the Moon every Tuesday. (10:03pm)
Sesame Street alien: yarr (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: hey no sound (11:56pm)

May The Twentieth Be With You
June 20, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
May The Twentieth Be With You
As all real Star Wars fans know, nothing at all of importance ever happened on June 20. None of the films were released on that day, none of the cast have any birthdays, and not even Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, or Sherilyn Connelly have anything interesting to say about this date. And the fact that the original studio was called Twentieth Century-Fox doesn't mean anything, either.

But, hey! Star Wars! TIE Fighters! AT-STs! Darth Vader! Lightsabers! The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND! The Death Star! X-Wings! Star Destroyers! Things blowing up!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We've got a dumb feeling about this.

Chatroom History
June 20, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: i do now (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: how's it goin karen? how come y'all don't talk anymore? (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: nice (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: i thought you might be on sabbatical or something (10:26pm)
Karen Carpenter: that's a polite way of saying "he wanted to spend more time with his family' (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: yoda how old (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: oh i see. it's like dr fiasco (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: is that the official answer (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: you don't have a mid life crisis until you're 450 (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: jeopardy is based on yodish (10:49pm)
los angeles police: force? (11:06pm)
or: whatever (11:07pm)
there are no stupid: questions? (11:08pm)
like: awesome (11:10pm)
like: average (11:11pm)
like: cola (your drink desire you not) (11:11pm)
W: O: W! (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: the eclipse is like a week before our birthday karen (11:38pm)
Dial-a-Shot: Road Trip!!! (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: right?! what's the eclipse forecast in minneapolis? (11:45pm)
jyn erso swiss miss: OMG LOL (11:46pm)
11: 38 (11:47pm)
There is no Dark Side: of the moon. (force push programming) (11:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: it's all the dark side (11:50pm)
r: ight?! (11:51pm)
my starwarsmeter: is plummeting (11:55pm)
Dial-a-Shot: I'll have to check. But, all are welcome. My studio is eclipse proof. (11:57pm)
Tangina Barrons: Of course they are. (11:58pm)

Our Reagan
June 13, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Our Reagan
With a deep awareness of the responsibility conferred by your trust, I accept your nomination for the Programming Committee of the Radio Valencia. I do so with deep gratitude, and I thank you for your wholehearted response to my recommendation in regard to [NAME REDACTED] as a candidate for Vice Programming Committee Chair.

I am very proud of Radio Valencia 87.9FM tonight. This station has shown to all America a community united, with positive programs for solving the nation's problems; a party ready to build a new co-ocracy with all those across the land who share a community of values embodied in these words: family, work, neighborhood, peace and freedom.

I know we have had a quarrel or two with Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Conellly, but only as to the method of attaining a goal. There was no argument about the goal. As Programming Comittee President, I will establish a liaison with the 50 DJs to encourage them to eliminate, where it exists, discrimination against the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. I will monitor federal laws to insure their implementation and to upload podcasts if they are needed.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Also, jellybeans are gross.

Chatroom History
June 13, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Fropchopula: Y (10:53pm)
Fropchopula: Auto correct resigned automatically on the flipside (10:54pm)
Fropchopula: I accept... we can make this station golden again (11:21pm)
Fropchopula: Djdj call a dr stat (12:09am)
Fropchopula: Booper sounds ill (12:09am)
Fropchopula: Listeners r being killed. (12:11am)
Fropchopula: Ranch dr feat curly fries (12:12am)
Fropchopula: Woobwoobwoob (12:12am)
Fropchopula: Dip dat in da dipper... french fries in the flipper... ranch house drums of kipper... stooge it... stoostoogit to quit (12:14am)
Fropchopula: Marimba! (12:25am)
Fropchopula: Sit down, u mumble (12:26am)
Fropchopula: What is the target audience are we at a rave? (12:28am)

Burton, MOORE, Harris
May 30, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
Burton, MOORE, Harris
Richard Burton, Roger Moore, Richard Harris.


Richard Burton, Roger Moore, Richard Harris.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: ...and Hardy Krüger.

Chatroom History
May 30, 2017 10:00pm - 1:30am

Kilt M. Slaggish: Slugs (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: broken (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: not broken (11:43pm)

The Whitman Instrument
May 23, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
The Whitman Instrument
Congratulations on your purchase of a new Portable Whitman Instrument, Model 1.0! This device can be used for the detection and examination of many objects, including:

- splinters
- tartigrades (water bears)
- 5 pt. alphanumeric characters
- early signs of Dr. Daniel Schreber's character
- mcguffins and other plot devices

To use the instrument, place on stable surface (such as a table), turn power on, place object in convenient corner stage, observe through eyepiece. To locate the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND (or one or more of the following, Special Agent Dale Carpenter, Special Agent Dale BOB-Marc, Special Agent Dale Connelly, Special Agent Dale KrOB), set large black knob to 87.9MHz. Caution: The Whitman Instrument should only be used by qualified law enforcement officers.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Wanna hear about our specials?"

May 16, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland

In the event of a FINAL BROADCAST, should KareX CarpXXter, BoX-MarX, SherilyX ConnelleX and XrXX be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions, and act as if no one knows who is in charge at Radio Valencia.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The code word is "radio".

Chatroom History
May 16, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

vj pussycat: whatever happened to construction talk (11:40pm)

May 9, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland

NYSE HYRE LYNT GLYND on Tuesday fired Fyre Festival organizer and Radio Valencia program director John Hell after all of NHLG's binder full of lawyers recommended his immediate removal.

"The Fyre Festival is one of our nation's most cherished and respected institutions and today will mark a new beginning for our crown jewel of EDM events," Karen Carpenter said in a statement, adding, "... frankly we did not even know we had a program director until all this came out". NHLG press secretary Sherilyn Connelly said shortly before 3 p.m. PDT on Tuesday that Hell was "notified a short time ago," but while she declined to say how Hell was notified, it is believed that Connelly sent a tweet. Hell's dismissal took effect immediately.
Bob-Marc told reporters that after some sobbing Mr. Hell "accepted the recommendation of the entire legal team of NHLG, even the sorta honest ones," who unanimously recommended Hell's "dismissal." Bob-Marc also specified that all Grateful Dead albums not removed from the studio by 10pm this evening would be mocked and then given to Goodwill.

NHLG said it will immediately launch the search for a new program director, because apparently that is a job at Radio Valencia. It is rumored that John Hell was appointed program director by someone in 2010.

NYSE HYRE LYNT GLYND: Myke Rydyo Vylyncya Gryt Agyn.

Chatroom History
May 9, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Mrs.: hi (11:22pm)
Mrs.: the boys are not checking the chatroom (11:23pm)
Mrs.: #nostradamus (11:26pm)
Mrs.: #boysRstupid (11:40pm)
Karen Carpenter: grrrr (11:45pm)
Mrs.: #justtryingtogetyourattention (11:48pm)
Mrs.: I am taking shelter now (11:50pm)

May 2, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
As the first day of final year of the 1970s dawned, action/horror/science fiction/dystopia film director John Carpenter, clearly hungover from the Hollywood B+ list New Year's Eve party he stumbled out of, mistook budding actress Adrienne Barbeau for established action film star Kay Parker, and promptly married her. In the preternatural process that governs "The Business", Carpenter mistook Lady Haden-Guest for the young actress he had previously cast in a decorative gourd film, casting her as a pretty young thing is his latest seaside project. He then mistook a distinguished Romania-American Harvard law professor John Houseman as an actor, casting him as a salty teller of sailor yarns to silent shivering children. Mistakenly regarding Lady Haden-Guest's mother as some psycho, Carpenter reluctantly offered her a role, and, through a misunderstanding that author Samuel Clemens was actually a cheapskate drunken preacher, cast Hal Holbrook as a cheapskate drunken preacher. All that left was Carpenter's wife, who by now he had discovered was not Kay Parker and thus not possessing of certain cinematic skills, so he cast Barbeau as a boy named Steve, and to hide the obvious fact she was a grown woman, disguised her a a radio DJ so no one could see her. Yes, Carpenter forgot that in a movie, radio DJs are often seen as well as heard. Confusing the lighthouse at Point Reyes as a radio station, Carpenter then accidentally turned his project about common coastal weather phenomena into a Scooby Doo feature film. The rest is movie history, at least as retold by Karen Carpenter, Sherilyn Connelly, Bob-Marc and KrOB, during the FINAL BROADCAST of.... (wait for it...)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Gh.. Gh.. Gh.. Ghost Pirates??!!! Ruh Roh!".

Chatroom History
May 2, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

Karen Carpenter: Best fog-related show ever. (11:47pm)

We're Going to War!
April 25, 2017 10:00pm


Nose Hair Lint Gland
We're Going to War!
Then it's war! Gather the forces! Harness the horses!

Radio Valencia's going to war! Each DJ will grab a gun and run away to war! We're going to war, this is a fact Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly can't ignore on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND! Oh, how we’d cry for Rapido if Rapido should die, a mighty man is he -- a man of brawn who’ll carry on 'til LPFM Victory.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: All God's children got podcasts

Chatroom History
April 25, 2017 10:00pm - 12:30am

The Show: is as sad as that Show. (11:18pm)
Introduce : This! (11:18pm)
Ferd Turgitson: more tracks, please (11:20pm)
Ferd Turgitson: more bonds, smease (11:25pm)
Ferd Turgitson: knows this is what happens (11:26pm)
Ferd Turgitson: No!!!! Show Over!!! (11:37pm)
Ferd Turgitson: WHAT ABOUT THE PREGNANT LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (11:37pm)
Ferd Turgitson: And, WHAT ABOUT THE PREGNANT LADY/1/ (11:43pm)
Ferd Turgitson: ; (11:43pm)
Ferd Turgitson: [OI[ (11:43pm)
Ferd Turgitson: .SubGenius HQ (11:47pm)
SubGenius HQ: finds it to be a True KroB moment. (11:48pm)
Viewers: at leaste some1 belives in us (11:51pm)
Viewers: as AI slaves....Ha! (12:01am)

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