SO EXCLAIMED Dr. H. Owll when he ACTUALLY DID A LIVE SHOW, not a re-run, at the new Radio Valencia studio. Dylan Thomas, a live intro, the whole megilla. But the club next door overwhelmed us with its incessant noise. That will have to be dealt with in the fullness of time. And there are two re-runs coming; it can't be otherwise, since this is the season when Dr. H. Owll takes his travels, ultimately to a Nudist Colony in Florida (as part of his Church of the SubGenius sacramental devoirs). After that we'll be back, trying to do shows though the ruckus from next door may infiltrate our content. Ironically, few who listened even seemed to understand that it WAS a live show. And to combat the noise we did have to feature quite a bit of recorded material (though never presented before). Oh, you can hear the yakking crowd and the thudding disco beat vibrating our walls. How those drunks can hoot n' holler! C'est la vie, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies. Our audience, mostly dispersed and disinterested after our long hiatus, will have to be restored-- one listener at a time... starting, perhaps, with YOU?

BUT NOT US. Not us.

OR SOME SUCH. A mystifying melange of Michael Peppe, KrOB, Spider Science and other varied ingredients. Good to the very last dropped name and obscure pleasantry. All marking time until the day, not too far from now, when we reclaim our rightful domain-- if, that is, we can reclaim it in a studio next to the roar of a crowd directly outside waiting to attend a loud night club, and next to that club itself, whose pulsing mechanically generated percussion shall blast through our poor, thin walls to be picked up by our microphones...

THE EARTHWORM, THE GOLD BEETLE, the wise Emmet dance around the Wine-presses of Luvah. The Centipede is there. The Ground Spider with many Eyes... The Ambitious Spider in her sullen Web, the lucky golden Spinner. The Earwig, arm'd. The tender Maggot, Emblem of Immortality. The Flea, Louse, Bug, Tape-worm, all the Armies of Disease, visible or invisible to the slothful vegetating Man. The slow Slug, the Grass-hopper that Sings and Drinks and Laughs-- Winter comes; he folds his slender Bones without a Murmur. The cruel Scorpion is there. The Gnat, the Wasp, the Hornet and the Honey-bee. The Toad and venomous Newt, the Serpent clad in gems and gold-- they throw off their gorgeous Raiment, they rejoice in loud Jubilee, dancing round the Wine-presses of Luvah, naked and drunk with Wine. Re-run.

MORE THAN FOUR AND A HALF HOURS in the Studio was this Show from Awhile Ago. Remember, though, here in re-run-ville it will automatically slice off at the 3-hour mark, no matter what's going on. If they came in fast enough, back then, you'll hear we were eventually hosting Jett, Puzzling Evidence and Michael Peppe. Yes, we touched on multiple subjects with an eye toward the upcoming X-Day and other onrushing then-future events. You can't call in. And you couldn't call in then. They're saying that in the all-new now-a-go-go RV there will be a landline with a number you can call, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies. But "they" say a lot of things, don't they? These days that useful sideshow, the Chatterbox, often appears to fill in for this former link to the simultaneous outside world, and ideally, we are even now able, after a fashion, to respond to requests and suggestions. We fear that by the time "RV" finally gets rolling, Dr. H. Owll will be launched on his Summer travels, and we'll have to put in (you guessed it) yet another re-run. Oh, the shame of it. As to this re-run-- the first part of the show (the first two hours): it's THE ADVENTURES OF TARZAN. Poems, re-mixes, speculation on subjects literary, folkloric and scientific. The Paleontology Report. Second part of the show (starting around Midnight): CHRISTMAS MORNING as Jett attempts to give away numerous treasures; gift after gift is proffered and, sadly, in some cases refused, since storage space is now so precious in crowded ateliers in Ron Conway's Baghdad By The Bay...

PUZZLING EVIDENCE AND MICHAEL J. PEPPE are guests on this episode, "an odd cast for a Podcast." That is, if there IS a show, a re-run, here. Perhaps it did not get posted. Try downloading, and see. Hard for us to tell over here. A re-run, of course. It's starting to look as though the Show won't get an opportunity to be live-- due to the slow-w-w-w "reopening of RV" --until, fiendishly, just as Dr. H. Owll has to begin his annual Summer Travels. More re-runs then, he thought, grinding his teeth. Some fun, eh, kids? Confound this by-our-Lady COVID thing, the "Trump Virus." Confound him, too. Well, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies, if there is a show here it ought to be a good one. Poems, songs, expostulations-- layering new mixes of older presentations in the accustomed style all the while --these apparently comprise a formula to increase listeners at show-time, according to our in-studio detection equipment. Thanks to Mister Beau Dayshus, back at the bad ol' Impact Arts Hub (grrrr!) we achieved ingress, despite all the Crap about the App. We will do everything we can to avoid a repetition of our involuntary no-show in recent days, we swore then in our innocence, and hope eventually to beard the Kisi App in its lair. After the Anthem, post-Show continues for nearly an hour. We welcome all guests. But after 3 hours it cuts off like a descending Guillotine blade. That is, if there's anything here at all...

MATTHEW, 6:24-- "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." In "Poverty," a short story by American writer Nicholas Gentile, this adage is put to the ultimate test. A performance of the tale in its entirety begins the Show. Other highlights include the poetry of T.S. Eliot, X.J. Kennedy, William Blake and Archibald MacLeish. Some voices in passing are those of Ivan Stang, Suzie the Floozie, Zero Boy, Rev. Baby Bear and Philo Drummond. Later Puzzling Evidence visits and joins in. A re-run if ever there was one. They shout much that's out about a cute re-boot of R.V., see? Avec a re-opening, we're hopening. No fun though, still not done, though. Dr. H. Owll still mopes, but hopes, although, friends, he pretends to have given in. livin' in an unanswerable modality of an un-cancelable reality. If anything ever actually happens, he's said, he'll become a "baby-blue crawdad." MEANWHILE: An ye thirst for a Live Show, go unto Twitch on June 13th-- 7:00 PM, PST-- and view Ask Dr. Hal! the videocast, No. 11. Mark your calendars accordingly. Will the Station take wings just as (irony of ironies) Dr. H. has to leave on Summer travels? Will there be an under-the-gun re-run even then, too, then? You'll know, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies, by the 13th, when you go to https://gonzotronics.net/adh/ --whether or not Dr. H. transmogrified into an azure crayfish.

...LIVED APPROXIMATELY 76 million years ago, during the late Cretaceous Period. First discovered in 1889, in the vicinity of Denver, Colorado, it was fully examined a year after its discovery and named by Othniel C. Marsh, who gave it its name-- Ornithomimus, or “bird mimic." The little (for a dinosaur) omnivore probably ate seed ferns, fruits, insects and maybe even some mammals and reptiles. And, wandering like an Ornithomimus, the Show, a re-run, took a circumambient route. Having visited Virginia City, Nevada, we reminisced, via Ancestral Memory, about a somewhat similar place, Tombstone, Arizona and the lawmen, cowboys, saddle bums, owl-hoots and other riff-raff who once lived there. Then in came Michael Peppe(!) and Puzzling Evidence, and even later, KrOB. The former regaled us with tales of his toils in the bowels of the Conspiracy, now over and done with (the j_b and sadly not the Conspiracy). Yes, a splendid time (we hope) was had by all in a show lasting a bit more than 5 hours (though only three typically are posted here). With the poetry of Coleridge and Clark Ashton Smith among others. We're hoping to put in an all-new (!) show next week in this space! Hard to believe-- Dr. H. Owll reportedly said if that happened he'd "be a baby-blue crawdad." Is a Crustacean Metamorphosis immanent?

IT WAS POSSIBLE, though always something of a near thing, to perform one of these shows back at the soi-dissant Impact Arts Hub, so long as Dr. H. Owll could get past the fiendish Kisi App, the computer hurdle that blocked the door. Sometimes a person coming or going would allow us into the building when this App (frequently) failed us-- sometimes, not. Always, always, such a distracting headache and trauma of just freaking getting into the by-our-Lady building. Yet that was the hurdle we had to jump. And, as difficult as it was, at least back then we did have the potential to do a new show. Then the Impact Arts Hub imploded, running away with the family silverware. And shortly after, COVID 19 swept through and ended our live participation, beginning for us the current Era of Re-runs. Supposedly, as of May 7th, we will do an entirely new, non re-run show. Supposedly. Dr. H. Owll says if that happens he'll be a baby-blue crawdad. Time will tell if this Crustacean metamorphosis into a blue-tinged member of superfamilies Astacoidea and Parastacoidea will indeed be prompted by future events. For now, enjoy the diminishing echoes of this Blast from our RV Past, which may even be the penultimate re-run in our quiver-- before we reclaim our rightful domain.

THE DAUGHTERS OF BEULAH, Muses who inspire the Poet's Song. They're in here. And commentary by Dr. H. Owll on C.S. Lewis's THE GREAT DIVORCE. SubGenius miscellany. Yes, we're serving up an audio Mulligan Stew in this re-run. Re-runs, re-runs. Will we ever do live shows again? Actually... we may. We may quite soon. That's the plan; that's the program. See last week's write-up. It could be that there will be an all-new, non-re-run (ran?) show as early as May 7th. We will see what the Radio Gods decree. And we'll keep up the online live show too, subject to Acts of God or the Devil. Down-load those at your leisure-- go to https://gonzotronics.net/adh/ --and enjoy the visual dimension. We are pulling out of the inactivity and despair of being a fossil of a previous series of podcasts in stasis, locked in amber. Unless we're not. Those of you who remain listening to these have our deepest thanks.

THE RIGHT REVEREND MOTHER DOKTOR MILLER, a special visitor to the Studio, finds herself, in this classic re-run episode from 2018, surrounded-- by the agitated entomology of the twitching SubBugs! The first outsized arthropod, one Jett, is quickly followed by KrOB. Then skitters in Michael Peppe, flailing away with all six limbs, then Puzzling Evidence, waving his feelers... All that time, Dr. H. "Gregor" Owll did what he could to promote the general welfare of his guests and show. On, on it went, through the night, with those lovable, bloated, human-sized invertebrates, and here's the first three hours. Here's the buzz-- technical difficulties at the beginning were the result of system failure, not just a poor workman blaming his tools... The Show was, of course, longer, but in these repeats we are only able to present the initial 3 hours, as previously reported in this space. But be of good cheer-- no, really. For it is very likely that... that... RADIO VALENCIA'S LIVE ASK DR. HAL! SHOWS ARE ABOUT TO RESUME! Yes, you read it right, right here. Even WE hardly believe it. If this long-dreamed of event does take place, mark MAY SEVENTH as the date. A true, new Ask Dr. Hal! Show featuring... well, featuring everything. Of course, this prediction might just turn out to be a little too rosy. But, as far as we can see, squinting down the track, the way appears clear; there are no washed-out bridges or obstacles on the rails... We'll see. Meanwhile, for those who just... can't... wait, this upcoming Sunday there is another live Ask Dr. Hal! Zoom/Twitch show at 7:00 PM Pacific Standard Time (make corrections for your Time Zone). Get your Questions for Dr. H. Owll ready... and on Sunday go to https://gonzotronics.net/adh/ You'll have to copy-and-paste that URL, folks-- no use trying to click on it here...

...OVER THE BOUNDING MAIN? We have to live by re-runs, so we're running this show again! Flailing, flailing happened all through this Show-- Michael Peppe can't sit still; that's all you need to know! Michael Peppe, our legendary Guest, Gave us a lot of trouble, but, no matter-- he's the best! Michael Peppe simply can not sit still; He pulls out wires and microphone cords-- we couldn't get him to chill! Ahem! Nonetheless, the voluble Mr. Peppe is a Guest whose presence on the Show we have always prized. Hear why during this vintage re-run from pre-COVID times. Still no word on "RV" ever returning in a real way. We just don't see any interest there. But there are those who still listen-- to these re-runs! These fossil impressions of our old shows! We're thinking of you, Rev. Bitwise! We wrote an answer to your letter-- thanks for the enclosed book in yours-- a good read. Well. here's where we plug the upcoming live Ask Dr. Hal! show on Twitch-- YOU can be a real-time participant! To do that, as well as download earlier episodes, visit the web site. Try https://gonzotronics.net/adh/ Cut-and-paste it in your browser bar. Every Second Sunday of every month, 7:00 PM, P.S.T.

IT MIGHT BE. SOMETHING is interfering, periodically, with Radio Valencia's ability to provide continuity in presenting its shows. Of course, in the case of Ask Dr. Hal! there can be no continuity, because there are no shows. Only reruns, like this one from back in March 24th, 2017. But what afflicts SAM? (The SAM Computer that rules "RV" these days, not poor old Republican-infested "Uncle Sam.") Perhaps, indeed, computer-loving mites just might be the culprits. We're just sayin'. If only the late Pete Goldie were still around-- a specialist in such matters. It's too bad he "bugged" certain volatile members of the Secret board of Directors. What Mite be a computer-loving might? Remotely diagnosing this arthropod Apocalypse, we have a possible malfeaser. This would be a species in the family Acaridae, genus Tyrophagus. These aren't Hemiptera, aren't insects at all, actually-- more like extremely miniaturized spiders. One of the most common mites found in homes or other buildings, Tyrophagus putrescentiae, sometimes called the "mold mite," will feed on a wide range of organic materials. They tend to be a pallid white, somewhat oblong in shape, and have long, stringy body setae. They can be part of the normal "house dust fauna" and may be a minor source for House-Dust Allergy (HDA). They’re fairly desiccation-tolerant, as mites go. Their little bodies can be quite moist. Inside a computer's housing, well, their wee persons and their excreta and wee-wee can cause micro-short-circuits-- and macro-disruptions-- of the hardware. Just like in the revised THX-1138. We can accept this as an excuse without being mad at anybody for being recalcitrant about getting the Station out of Limbo. Yeah... put the blame on "bugs."

CAME FROM THE HOUR of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show. Late-night broadcasting, or podcasting as if broadcasting, often is accompanied by a suite of hallucinatory sensations and perceptions. The twilight between the rational and the irrational, the known and the unknown, may significantly deepen, particularly after Midnight. Yes, back in the day, or, rather, the night (2017) it was common to explore, with a select group of psycho-adventurers, the frontiers of the unreal. Did supernatural events actually occur? YOU be the judge...

YES, THAT'S JUST THE SORT OF QUESTION we get at Ask Dr. Hal! Does a rattlesnake, a reptile, have an omphalos, or navel, colloquially called a belly button. Well, Dr. H. Owll is among other things a professional question-answerer. [Hence our show's title. --Ed.] And, in consequence, he gets a lot of frivolous questions. Questions not sincerely levied. Snarky, mocking, jesting queries which have no purpose other than to waste the irredeemably precious time of Dr. H. Owll and his audience. But, y'know, the quality of the questions isn't up to us. No, Sir, no Ma'am. It's the quality of the ANSWERS that's our bailiwick. However inane the questions, it's always up to us to come up with a good answer-- and make it entertaining, too, by George. This is our skill and purpose. Well, the most elementary-school Biology class teaches the little nippers that it's Mammals that have navels-- Mammals, who give birth to live offspring. And that button is the scar from where the umbulicus is attached, during gestation and birth. Egg-laying critters are hatched, not born. But folks, here's the thing. Your reptile is also ventrally fed through a sort of umbulicus, a fleshy tube connecting to the amnion, the fluid sac inside the egg that nourishes the embryo. And when that little snakelet comes out of the egg this, ideally, breaks off. It leaves a little scar which can even be found, if one searches, on the adult snake. So, YES, the rattlesnake DOES have a belly button. That's showbiz. If you like that, then HEAR Dr. H, Owll answer questions a-plenty on his upcoming live show, this Sunday, the 14th at 7:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. Don't let that Daylight Saving thing throw you off course. Just go to https://gonzotronics.net/adh/ --and you'll be guided to the show from there. Maybe someday THIS show, the Radio Valencia one, will be offered live again-- new shows, not re-runs. But don't hold your breath.

...TENEBRARIUS IN TENEBRIS. That is, a dark eye looks at us darkly in darkness. Well, what if It does? It knows when you are sleeping; It knows when you're awake-- It knows everything, basically. WE have powerful charms and protections, spells woven round about. Expert Sages and Mages have conjured impenetrable protective barriers, with interlocking spells and terrible Words, never to be articulated except in time of greatest need. And, within the Guardian Circle, just look, or rather listen to, what goes on. Clark Ashton Smith's poetic cantrips and incantations. Gen-you-wine Archival material from SubGenius Headquarters, a profound Question (complete with emolument) from Washington, D.C.'s own Mob Meattie... And then, in come KrOB, Michael Peppe, Dr, Penny, Puzzling Evidence and sultry Mystery Siren 342638. All get busy a-palaverin' and a-yakkin. Never mind that big, scary EYE trying to intimidate us. There'll surely be, we hope, more like this. And, in the Slackful Name of Dobbs, ple-e-ease beseech whatever deities you may be on good footing with to END the Long Sleep of Radio Valencia's frozen inactivity, so's we can start up this here Show LIVE once more. This re-run shows what our live-presence shows used to be like. Note: Later this month (March 14th) we will be doing the live Zoom, or whatever it is, show. Ask your questions then. (Always) the Second Sunday of the Month at 7:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. Reach us-- or download previous episodes --at https://gonzotronics.net/adh/

IN THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY of Kennaquhair, whose latitude is 91 degrees north and longitude 181 degrees west, Archimedes the owl, familiar spirit of Merlin, brings the future King Arthur, a boy also transformed into an owl, to the presence of the goddess Athene. There, in the luminous hollow of a tree stump blasted by lightning and whittled clean by the winds of knowledge, the birds alight on the outstretched hands of the invisible goddess. They are shown, through accelerated Time, first the lives of the trees at a rate of thirty years in a minute, then the lives of the rocks at two million years a second. We also feature the poetry of Clark Ashton Smith and W.S. Merwin. Puzzling Evidence appears; it is at this point we watch and narrate a singular film, to wit, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER. And that's the way it is, or was, back awhile ago... It was in the Impact Arts Hub, where glitches and computer failures-- to say nothing of the pestilential Kisi App, which often made gaining entrance a chancy thing-- caused endless, obstructive difficulties. The building alarm would go off on its own; sometimes, with drawn guns, the police would show up. But, you know, at least then we had more than re-runs. We had a show! Alas, sluggardly Radio Valencia! Thou didst once move and breathe, thou didst live! Now thou sittest at home in thine underdrawers, downloading Dubstep from the Cloud, and calleth that a Radio Station!

...BY BRIAN ALDISS. A recording of a picaresque tale. An accident, a side effect of superluminal travel, strands an Earthman in a backwater part of the Galaxy, a region where multiple alien races of different origins contend in a solar system of orbits around multiple variable stars, on a planet where the known Earthly laws of physics are often altered or negated by other forces. The traveler is frequently unwelcome among the otherworldly beings, even as he seeks a way off the unpleasant world, enduring abuse, surviving (barely) by his wits and compelled to trek across the unusual landscape to reach a distant city where a spaceship will depart which could take him to more human-friendly interstellar realms. However, author Aldiss explicitly positions the story as a tall tale, the details of which have been exaggerated and modified since the historical events occurred. Aldiss’s common themes—- filth, decay, transmutation and alienage-— produce a sensuous literary experience. The observant and resilient human hero cannot help but notice the stench of the world, the piles of garbage, the slimy food he has to eat and the bizarre inversions of interpersonal expectations. His fastidious nature is frequently baffled and challenged. Joining a human woman destined as the consort to a pig-like local potentate, the Ungulph of Quilch, he proceeds relentlessly toward his objective. In a dramatic reading, Dr. H. Owll does his best to bring this vision to life, ideally to submerge the listener in the intricacies of the tale. A re-run, of course.

WHEN LAWRENCE "LARRY" TALBOT, a.k.a. The Wolfman, made the transatlantic journey to the United States just after the Second World War to stop the Conspiracy of the Monsters-- see ABBOT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN (1948), he ended up making yet another suicide attempt, dragging Dracula in bat-form down into the ocean with him. Yet once again, he found that death is no option for the Lycanthrope. Larry had relapsed after apparently being cured by Dr. Franz Edlemann (see HOUSE OF DRACULA (1945), and never realized that HE was one of the monsters, always thinking of himself as a victim. This changed when he met Irving Klaw and his best "Peekaboo" model, the famous Bettie Page. Klaw, the notorious "pornographer," ran afoul of the Kefauver Hearings of the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency in 1957-- the same politicians who were attacking comic books. The Senate Hearings marked the beginning of the end of Klaw's mail-order fetish art business in New York. The investigation tried to link pornography to juvenile delinquency. The McCarthy-style hearings branded Klaw as a "degenerate" and ushered in a new wave of media censorship. Bettie Page was also summoned to the hearings but never did get asked to testify. While waiting to be called at her hotel in the District of Columbia, lovely Bettie met Larry, whose rooms were across the hall from hers. Suffice it to say that the vivacious Bettie convinced Talbot to accept his quasi-lupine, animal nature. And... and there aren't any Wolfman movies featuring Larry Talbot after that, are there? Plenty of Lon Chaney, Jr. ones, though. We ask that you draw your own conclusions. A six-hour show this was, ultimately featuring Puzzling Evidence and KrOB. But of course this here is just another re-run-- it can't be otherwise until the entity called "Radio Valencia" finally decides to focus on the locus (22nd St.), get the lead out of its treads and ahieve some traction on the action. These older shows were multiple hours in length, but the re-runs allow only 3 hours, and that's it. What we're saying is that the "good" parts might be... surgically nipped off after the third hour. Well, it hurts us more than it hurts you. Hey, kids! In the non-frozen, non-Radio Valencia world you can watch and participate in our upcoming Ask Dr. Hal! Show online (Twitch) this Valentine's Day, February 14th, at 7:00 PM, PST. Just go to our web site and follow instructions, easy as pie: https://gonzotronics.net/adh/

...HAVE NOT BEEN ENTIRELY EMPTIED. If it were so, O best beloved, we could not keep retrieving for thee these moldering, ancient scrolls and palimpsests, this sard, incense and cinnamon. The mummies of ancient shows, revived by unhallowed sorceries, once more recite the lays of the pre-diluvial times. And in this ancient bauble or bubble, Dr. Howland Owll could boast he mostly hosted a host of fellow-travelers. Jett was one-- he skyed in on wings of thunder, dodging the Puz-Ev Drone. Soon, lovely Sarah Szczechowicz Goldie, also known as Zee, appeared with her well turned-out consort, "Doc" Goldie, the Tile Specialist, both still glamorously outfitted from the Anti-Inaugural Ball they'd been attending... KrOB too contributed to the ambiance. And, admitted somehow, was, we must admit, famed '80's Performance Artist sensation Michael J. Peppe-- yes, Peppe! --who can't keep a Code in the Head. All locks, wards, tumblers and the like having been changed, life went on, thrilling as always, if admittedly less secure. Refreshments were served. Do they still refresh? Meanwhile, in the world of the living, there's a new on-line Ask Dr. Hal! Show coming up-- live! --on Valentine's Day, February 14th. Meet us there at 7:00 PM PST at https://gonzotronics.net/adh/ --and know that we still live.