HIS GREAT BEAKE IN THY FLESH TO SHEATH, When thou, unknowing, strip to swim, He riseth through the Waters dim. On such Transgressors He shall feed, Driv'n onward by His gnawing Need, But Those who love Mee and my Show, That watery Fate may sure Forgo. Old Sequaw, the legendary Guardian of Wisteria Pond, feeds on stragglers who show Conspiracy leanings, but never the upright heart and true SubGenius. Which, pray tell, are YOU?

It looks like Dr. Howland Owll has a quiet Friday night on his hands, when another victim of Puzzling Evidence and his marauding Band of Military Academy Brothers seeks refuge in the Radio Valencia studio. After calming the blonde vagabond down with hot cocoa and 2.5 grains of acetylsalcylic acid, it comes out that Puzzling Evidence *was* the victim of a slanderous hoax! All in good fun!

Dr. Hal teaches the pinks a lesson or two about radio, commiserates over a misplaced frop satchel then is rescued by a very gravid Dr. Fiasco.


Chatroom History
May 4, 2012 10:00pm - 1:30am

See what happened: ? It's too late now... (12:01am)
Unborn Fiasco Jr: Daddy!! (12:04am)
Meachael Peppe: I started you guys, I can kill you guys... (12:12am)
Church Air: They are knowing Me. (12:13am)
Church Air: Just a little more, radioheaeds, and you will forget to speak on the shoe forever (12:13am)
Pete Goldoey: Born Fiasco Jr (12:17am)
Pete Goldoey: is here!!!!!!! (12:18am)
The Shag Rug: They hate me....they really hate me! (12:18am)
The Shag Rug: suck me. (12:19am)
RoboDJ: Listen to me, RoboDJ it!!! (12:26am)
You guys: What's M. Peppe writing about? (12:31am)

Is all the information contained in the universe represented on the surface of a hologram? Can we trust graduate students to solve this mystery, or should we return to the more reliable source, The "Voice of God" (Voice of God is a wholly own subsidiary of The Ask Dr. Hal Show, Dr. Howland Owll, The Church of the Subgenius and Google). Join Dr. Hal as he explains everything in an entertaining intellectual saloon.


Chatroom History
April 27, 2012 10:00pm - 1:30am

e_yazel: e_yazel (10:07pm)
Dr. Penny: Praise "Bob"!!!!! (10:12pm)
Curmudge: Bob Schmob (10:15pm)
Curmudge: He is a 7,000 degree Free Mason (10:15pm)
8000 Degree Freeze Mason Man: So? (10:24pm)
Clark Kent: Super X Day? (10:31pm)
Bizarro: Krytonite Clark (10:31pm)
Bizarro: Kryptonite (10:31pm)
Bizarro: Crypt Tonight (10:32pm)
Clark Kent: Kractor, City of Poop? (10:32pm)
Bizarro: Creep 2nite (10:32pm)
Clark Kent: BoB? (10:32pm)
.: . (10:33pm)
Clark Kent: Bob? (10:34pm)
.: ..: (10:34pm)
Clark Kent: Ms Pac Man? (10:34pm)
.: ::::::..:..-. -- ..- (10:34pm)
Clark Kent: Cylon Bakery (10:34pm)
The 60's: Hey, knock it off. I'm dead. (10:35pm)
Vietnam: Remember me? (10:36pm)
Dr. Penny: Time control at last. (10:37pm)
The 60's: I love/hate you, Viet... (10:37pm)
The Subgenius Church: Too bad Hal can't be talk guy...some accident or something.........X Day, or something..... (10:40pm)
The Subgenius Church: Take the damn blue pill. (10:43pm)
The Subgenius Church: nice words only, guys. (10:46pm)
Chemtrails: . (10:47pm)
Oh My Dear Bowels: Thank you all. (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: Oh, Dr. Hal could do no wrong. :) (10:59pm)
Dr. Penny: the software of Landru. (11:02pm)
Oh My Dear Bowels: Ro-butts, he said. (11:03pm)
Oh My Dear Bowels: I hear Chuirche Aire... (11:12pm)
Karin Army Carpenter: No Tile! Wood! (11:19pm)
Dr. Penny: what is kilbasa? (11:21pm)
Dr. Penny: Could Pete tell us what the hexagon on top of Saturn is? (11:27pm)
Nice try.: try me... (11:31pm)
Dr. Penny: Is the tree dwelling octopus related to the prairie squid? (11:42pm)
Dr. Penny: of course, invented by the republicans. (11:45pm)
The Storytellers: When are we on? (11:55pm)
&%$@#$%^&*_)(*&^: :.......;;;;,,''';,.....<';. (11:56pm)

Friday Night Frights finds Dr. Hal with an infestation of radio talent at "his" show, as Pete Goldie, Dr. Fiasco, Bob-Marc and Hal's special friend take turns talking over each other. One of the more "sciency" reports emerges, as the "Pioneer Anomaly" is explained away with, you guessed it, science.


Chatroom History
April 20, 2012 10:00pm - 1:30am

orc: *snorts (10:22pm)
Mr Lomax: We're talking about hard-driving perfectionists who live on a veritable razor's edge... (11:39pm)

Dr. Hal mans the board and educates newbies in the intricacies of Subgenius scripture. Pete Goldie calls with 911 recordings that prove Puzzling Evidence committed radio crimes, which also implicate Hal Robins. Puzzling Evidence is brought before the mike to answer the charges and suddenly the phones stop working. COINCIDENCE?


For the Lovers of Chatbox Timestamps:
====================================
Chatroom History
April 13, 2012 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: We love you Dr. Hal!!!!!!!!! (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: Maybe he was a part of the "mountain meadow massacre." (10:17pm)
Lost in Space: You're fired. (10:18pm)
Aunt Bertha: Listen to my story, dammit. (10:18pm)
Aunt Bertha: Hal dissin' me! (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: Or maybe Hal likes to fuck Aunt Bertha in the ass. \o/ (10:20pm)
Aunt Bertha: Yes, I like that very much. (10:21pm)
Aunt Bertha: Puzzling Evidence (10:24pm)
The Show: This is from the opening of that great Puzzling Evidence Radio Show on KPFA! (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: And I thought I was listening to the Ask Dr. Hal show! lololololol! (10:27pm)
e_yazel: : "lollol" (10:28pm)
e_yazel: : "col" "cringe out loud" (10:30pm)
The Show: Hal is on that cool, cool Show! (10:30pm)
The Show: HA HA. (10:30pm)
e_yazel: : oh, yes, I agree (10:30pm)
Confusion: You're mine now, girl... (10:31pm)
Confusion: is a talk show. (10:31pm)
Dr. Penny: Radio waves with tentacles, like a baby tree lobster emerging from it's egg. (10:33pm)
Karen Carpenter: give me the head of Puzzling Evidence (10:34pm)
Bob: "BOB" (10:36pm)
Prarry Squid: All right, if you give me a baby tree lobster in a formaline jar. (10:36pm)
Dr. Penny: Bob is always up, he doesn't need porn, he's always up. (10:36pm)
Prarry Squid: and, JFK's Brain. (10:36pm)
Bob: must be god, because I'm bored of him (10:37pm)
The only Listener: Bang. Kill me! (10:37pm)
Ok Why not.: Killed him from here, on the radio. (10:38pm)
Karen Carpenter: Puzzlinbg Evidence is a known killer (10:38pm)
Karen Carpenter: killed a know in front of me (10:39pm)
Pinbag Everdunce: You are about to... (10:39pm)
Dr. Penny: Pzlg Evdc kild Bob (10:39pm)
Pinbag Everdunce: OK. Done. (10:39pm)
Puzzlling Evidence: is a crazy killer (10:40pm)
Dr. Penny: But evey one of us killed Bob, and then we killed him again, and then again, and again. (10:40pm)
Puzzlling Evidence: is a crazy clown time killer (10:40pm)
Curmudge: Mud butt (10:41pm)
Dr. Penny: yum! (10:41pm)
Dr. Penny: Really??? Transylvania dinosaurs? (10:44pm)
Dr. Penny: How can Dr. Pete Goldie explain the alien interference? (10:51pm)
Curmudge: LSD is fun! (10:54pm)
Curmudge: So is PCP,DMT,Banana Peels,and Oxycotin (10:55pm)
Phineass Narco: Ok. (10:55pm)
Curmudge: Hey Narco (10:57pm)
Curmudge: tic (10:57pm)
Curmudge: How does that puke smell? (10:59pm)
this show is 98% canned: right? (10:59pm)
Curmudge: He has razor blades for fingers...for splicing you see. (11:00pm)
like rubber...: I smell. (11:00pm)
Strike!: Pete Goldie!!! (11:01pm)
Strike!: on Karen Carpenter (11:01pm)
Dr. Penny: No Devilettes!!!!? (11:05pm)
Curmudge: Jerry Mathers will be there? (11:05pm)
Dr. Penny: Praise "Bob"!!!!!! Praise his sweet name!!!! (11:11pm)
this show is 98% canned: and only goes live to play Mozart and smoke LSD (11:26pm)
Strike!: Me (11:51pm)
Spastic: There is no voices on the air, just the innernet signal... (11:52pm)
Karen Carpenter: I wish I could tell you how to use the phone (11:55pm)
Karen Carpenter: On the modular system, press the "online" button (11:56pm)
Karen Carpenter: make certain the green PRG light and the Red light are on with phone slider and the slidder is up (11:56pm)
Spastic: stand by the indica mod switch (11:58pm)
Spastic: sending the messag (11:58pm)
Spastic: Alamo, 'Steve!!!! (11:59pm)
Karen Carpenter: I'll bet that Hal indavertantly pressed the red button below the phone slider (11:59pm)
Karen Carpenter: yes, terrible terrible technologyu (12:03am)
All ther chicken soup won't help...: Wha.....? (12:05am)
Mick Jagger: Sure glad I don't them... (12:05am)
Paul Avery: It''ll alll fall down on the earthquake. (12:08am)
Paul Avery: and, I'm dead. he Zodiac did not kill me. (12:08am)
Karen Carpenter: FIX THE PHONE DAMMMMMIT!!!! (12:09am)
Karen Carpenter: please (12:09am)
George Harrison : Chant Hare Krishna (12:10am)
Gavin Newsom: why is it called The "Ask" Dr. Hal Show? (12:12am)
Adolph Menjou: Because you just "ask"ed. (12:13am)
toolateeeeeeeeeeBLAM!!!!: ooppps.... (12:15am)
e_yazel:: to an insect.. ha ha.. must be Robert Burns (12:22am)
e_yazel:: oy (12:22am)
e_yazel: no, it's something else I was thinking of (12:24am)
e_yazel: Vas ist dass? (12:26am)
e_yazel: Benn Gunn? The guy from Treasure Island? (12:27am)
e_yazel: Good, warn him of the pleasure he amy be taking in smacking his lips over the mid-western storms. (12:30am)
George Harrison : No one copped to it (12:46am)

Dr. Hal plays far too much subgenius diatribes until KrOB comes to the rescue. It all ends too soon for school.

FORMULA FOR CAVORITE: Take... uless...

While trying the patience of Radio Valencia's most prolific DJ (the insomniac Dr.), Dr. Howlin' Owll and Puzzling Evidence set out to endlessly promote a live show and foil Pete Goldie's critically important phone messages.

Dr. Hal Robins throws away the textbooks and re-writes REALITY FOR EVERYONE! Zero Boy repudiates all this self-indulgent claptrap, thus mellowing the harsh for public consumption.

Dr. Hal Robins makes the most of a random Friday evening with KrOB, then Pete Goldie comes by and ruins everything. Again.

An extended set introduced and abandoned by Dr. Hal, as KrOB and Pete Goldie replay, remix and re-edit the unforgivable NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND episode of the previous Wednesday. For no other reason other than lack of boundaries and remorselessness. An ADHS Simulus Regression Programming NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND cream corn special.

Dr. Hal and Zero Boy banish boring radio while KrOB soothes the ladies.

The Most Honorable and Venerable Dr. Howland Owll hosts the increasingly misnamed "Ask Dr. Hal Show", with guest audio-scientist ZeroBoy. In this week's episode, the two describe the end of civilization while being interrupted repeatedly by a Chicken John fundraiser. Sorry for being redundant.

Dr. Hal supervises a madcap rendition of the William Harrison presidency, starring Hal as President Harrison, ZeroBoy as Marilyn Monroe, KrOB as Richard Nixon, and Puzzling Evidence as Lee Harvey Oswald. A Weekly Reader selection!

Zero Boy visits Dr. Howwwland Owwwl at Radio Valencia, along with hearing specialist Ivan Stang and a serving of Philo Drummond.

...WILL BE BEATEN BY YARD BULLS and left on the tracks to be macerated by the 4:48 Special Express (it doesn't stop). "I'd like to stake a claim, get some land set to my name, So when Boom times come I'll leave a legacy..." "These days, the Railroad's bought the land up-- you can't put a taco stand up Without tresspassin' on Railroad Property..." --Traditional

A rare (but not rare enough) visit from Church of the Subgenius founder, the Rev. Ivan Stang, brings forth a minion of church fathers and laypeople. Dyed in the cloth atheists stay home and watch furry snuff films made by PETA.

For the 1st time in 2012, Dr. Hal goes long... very long, on a 6 hour show designed to squeeze the last electrons out of the ramshackle and antiquated equipment of the Radio Valencia studio, as another Chicken John fundraiser squeezes the shekels from loyal listeners and patrons. Several times Dr. Hal tries to end the show, only to be barricaded inside the booth by misguided fans. In the end, Dr. Sleepless finally overcomes his interstellar knihilism, slays Hal's fans, frees Hal and resumes the regular broadcast schedule.

Now they accuse us of "flip-flopping" our policies and opinions? Pure spin and taradiddle-- hogwash indeed. As Sir Thomas Browne has said, "I could never divide myself from any man upon the difference of an opinion, or be angry with his judgement for not agreeing with me in that, from which perhaps within a few days I should dissent myself." 'Nuff said.