TO clear the aisles for the Thanksgiving items, we are offering the Ask Dr Hal Show at a discount. How do we do it? VOLUME!


Chatroom History
November 15, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr Joe Mengaylay: Dear Dr Hal -- The Boys from Brazil have arrived at last... I am certain that they will meet your special "needs", as I selected them myself according to your specifications : blond eyes, blue hair, Aryan, bulletproof, ready to explode into Destiny, and finitely superior to any and all pinks. Their names are Bobby. If you are satisfied with them, please remit the remainder of your payment to my BitCoin account according to our agreement. Signed, Dr Joe Mengaylay (10:20pm)
Dr Joe Mengaylay: Their names are Bobby. If you are satisfied with them, please remit the remainder of your payment to my BitCoin account according to our agreement. Signed, Dr Joe Mengaylay (10:21pm)
Bobbette: CONFESSIONS OF A SHOW HO' -- After years of listening to The Show ( Ask Dr Hal & Puzzling Evidence ), I began to realize that I have HUGE chunks of Missing Time as a direct result of listlessly listening to their relentless audio-sexual abuse. Their slithering silver tongue devilry has wormed through my cochlea and into my cranium, where it LIES implanted, always transmitting their interminable insidious, invidious, insipid, indecent mind-control commands. (10:23pm)
Bobbette: Their slithering silver tongue devilry has wormed through my cochlea and into my cranium, where it LIES implanted, always transmitting their interminable insidious, invidious, insipid, indecent mind-control commands. (10:24pm)
Bobbette: I have undergone hundreds of hours of psychiatric counseling and hypnotic recall to recover my memories of the horrific torture of my genitalia by the seemingly loveable Dr Hal Robins and his creepy cohort Doug Wellman. Here is my story : OWWW ! OWWW ! OWWW ! STOP ! STOP ! PLEASE STOP ! PLEASE ! (10:24pm)
Bobbette: Sleep deprivation, Russian roulette, boiling water enemas, recycled micturation, faecal fear-mongering ( to this day I am afraid to make caca, poopoo, nana, doodoo, shyte, turds, or merde )... (10:24pm)
Bobbette: Ritual evocations and victual blood sacrifices of terrified kidnappee Milk Carton Kid virgins to Hypo-Dimensional Reptilian HemiUrges... (10:25pm)
Bobbette: followed by orgiastic buffet feasting upon harvested organs and goblets of hot, fresh haeme... (10:25pm)
Bobbette: All too much Pink Magic... Somebody help me, please ! Stop The Show ! Stop The Show ! (10:25pm)
Bobbette: There must be some threshold for criticality, some brasting point that prompts the legions of swindled Listeners to break out its fabled arsenals of Killer Jokes that bring the Big Lie to its long overdue bitter end, (10:26pm)
Bobbette: when Truth will out The Show for the fantabulous, feckless daemonic fraud that it is, at an unaffordably hyper-inflated price at that, plus a profound disinterest in the inevitable subsequential counter-coup of the zeitgeist. (10:26pm)
Bobbette: It is one of the great hidden blessings of our time, actually, that anything organized on such a massive scale as The Show is pre-doomed to failure. But it is likewise the great mission of our time to prepare to get funny and funnier, (10:26pm)
Bobbette: something we%u2019re not really ready for, nor capable of accomplishing in the face of the Extinction Level Event we have evoked in Fukushima. As we consummate with Dr Hal this evening, we can find solace and succor in knowing that the intertwining of these general dynamics will be the story line for millions of millenia to come. (10:27pm)
Bobbette: the story line for millions of millenia to come. (10:27pm)
Ezekiel: Tonight, as I lay abed, pondering the mysteries of the orgasm, I received a Vision from God. It told me to tell you this : -- A Great Earthquake will strike San Francisco-Sodom at 10:48 pm tonight. (10:28pm)
Ezekiel: If you value your pathetic excuse for a life, run away NOW ! RUN ! It is too late to get out of town -- but RUN to the nearest open space so you won't be squashed by collapsing buildings, or sliced and diced by a rain of glass shards. RUN ! RUN ! (10:28pm)
Ezekiel: P.S. Too late... We return now to our regular programming. (10:28pm)
Neville Shoot: Come One, Come All ! Meet Dr Hal -- "On The Beach" at The Presidio under the Gilded Gate Bridge -- November 31 at 9 p.m. -- We'll dance the night away, "Waltzing Matilda" till Fukushima comes ashore, bearing its generous gifts of clinging, cloying, sticky particles of nuclear love for you, mon amour. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: for you, mon amour. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: Together we'll stumble along the shoreline, over and around the softly glowing tsunami debris. Simultaneously, we'll thrill as one to the squishyness of countless nuked starfish disintegrating inexplicably. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: We'll gasp with unified amazement at the beautious pods of beached dolphins and whales, all covered with noisome sores, tumors, and plastic flotsam. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: Hand-in-hand, we shall look for pieces of mind, passively pussyfooting around the nuclear issues that derive from Israel's Magna BSP-Stuxnet cost-effective pacification of the bankruptured Pacific Ocean. (10:33pm)
Neville Shoot: Don't miss this once-in-a-Yuga opportunity to be too late to do anything whatsoever effective ! Join us for a mealy-mouth schmooze-fest "On The Beach" at The Presidio -- November 31 at 9 p.m. (10:33pm)
Neville Shoot: We'll sit on our duffs and butocks around a raging bonfire of vain veneration of Dr Hal, united in juvenile circle-jerking jocularity ! Later, we'll rage and rail against the Machine-Beast in futile self-indulgence, even more meaningless and monumentally time-wasting than Burning Man ! (10:33pm)
Noah Webster: That's BUTTOCKS, you ass.... (10:34pm)
Liberty Valencia: A Warning To Show Trolls I will not brook, nor shall I tolerate, any more slanderous articulation, nor any libelous pink journalism with regard or in reference to Dr Hal and that one time with that Mule. (10:36pm)
Liberty Valencia: That Mule was at least 21 years old, which made it a consenting adult. And that one time occurred over 7 years ago, so the statue of limitations does not apply. And anyhow, it was a science experiment, and Dr Hal will do anything if it's for Science. (10:37pm)
Liberty Valencia: So bugger off, all you retro-voyeurs ! You are but vicarious vampires vultures, viscerating the virtuous vitae of the good Dr Hal, Lord of the Fleas ! All hail Dr Hal ! Vote for Dr Hal, Emperor of San Francisco ! Vote early, and vote often ! (10:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: A Warning To Pink Boys -- You Pink Boys are destined to slavery because you have all the attributes and appropriations of a slave race. Look around you and take notice of what you nominally SubGenius have become: (10:51pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: semi-literate, quasi-cultured, proto-philistine, easily misled and incredulous, rational, subject to objective propaganda and principled pleasure, television-addled, enervated by aspartame, stultified by fake drugs, brutalized by prehensile pornography ! (10:52pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: As the sewage of Puzzling Evidence and Ask Dr Hal -- collectively called " The Show " -- spreads its slime over the golden cornfields and shining towers of a once Christian country, there is nothing much to live for except sex and death and more money. (10:53pm)
The English Patient: READ THIS OR ELSE BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEXT NEAREST FRIDAY POSSIBLE BY THE LOVE OF OUR LIFE. TOMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF OUR LIFE, HOWEVER. IF YOU DONT POST THIS TO THREE ASK DR HAL SHOWS, HOWEVER, YOU WILL DYE WITHIN THE NEXT TWO DAYS. NOW, YOU'VE ALREADY STARTED READING SO DONT STOP, HOWEVER. THIS IS REAL. SIGNED, THe English Patient. (10:55pm)
The English Patient: NOW, YOU'VE ALREADY STARTED READING SO DONT STOP, HOWEVER. THIS IS REAL. SIGNED, THe English Patient. (10:55pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: BREAKING NEWS HEADLINES : FEMA Bodybag labels : Radio Valecia - Ask Dr Hal Listeners ! Pictures at Midnight ! Start Worrying -- Facts Follow... (11:01pm)
Dr. Penny: $35 dollars for eternal salvation or triple your money back!!!! Praise "Bob"! (11:04pm)
John Lennon: I wrote a song for you : Show, Show me do You know I Show you I'll always be true So please, Show me do Whoa, Show me do (11:07pm)
John Lennon: Dear Mr Robins -- I may be dead but being stuck on the astral plane, I can still listen to your radio broadcast, which comes across like a megaphonic loudspeaker on this side of reality. (11:09pm)
John Lennon: Yep... you're wonderful, but you're stinking up the atmosphere in Hell. Please use a script or shut up. Reruns of Old Show are ok, before you went maudlin on us... Signed, John Lennon (11:09pm)
John Lennon: Dear Dr Hal I wrote another song for you: "Can't Buy Me Jokes --- Can't buy me jokes, jokes Can't buy me jokes I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if you'll tell a joke just right I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you'll tell a joke just right Cos I don't care too much for money, and money can't buy me jokes (11:11pm)
John Lennon: and money can't buy me jokes I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll just tell a joke I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me jokes Can't buy me jokes, everybody tells me so Can't buy me jokes, no no no, no (11:12pm)
John Lennon: How do you like it ? Admittedly it's a bit rough in spots, but it has a good hook, and it's danceable... Signed John Lennon (11:13pm)
John Lennon: Dear Dr Hal -- You're so inspiring, I wrote another song for you : "Help!" Help, I need some Show Help, not just any Show Help, you know I need Dr Hal, somebody help me, please (11:14pm)
John Lennon: When I was younger, so much younger than yesterday I never needed anybody's Show in any way But now those Shows are gone, and I'm not self insured Now I find I've deranged my mind, and turned on the radio (11:14pm)
John Lennon: Help me even if you can't, I'm feeling down And I do appreciate you being round Help me get my ears back in the sound Won't you please, somebody help me, please. Signed John Lennon (11:15pm)
Dr. Penny: John Lennon, I know you really do wish I'd "show you do." It shall be, one day. ;) (11:16pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: John Lennon (11:17pm)
John Lennon: May I reincarnate through you as my mommy ? (11:17pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Blogosphere is awash with the anguished wails of concerned SubGenii who bemoan the present state of The Show -- the looting of ordinary listeners by Pink pranksters, homeyness, joke losses and falling skies, rising unslackment and pre-poverty, drugless addiction, low-grade post-sexual pornoglyphy, failed suicides, daily shoot-ins and the slurred murder of the English tongue, decaying political infrastructures, spying and snitching by facecomic fiends and faceless foes alike, buttheads all. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: low-grade post-sexual pornoglyphy, failed suicides, daily shoot-ins and the slurred murder of the English tongue, decaying political infrastructures, spying and snitching by facecomic fiends and faceless foes alike, buttheads all. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: All in all, it is a disgraceful picture from The Show to an ordinary SubGenius, as if of a Fourth World theocratic iconograph of Mohammed the Mohel, as it were, a profitable prophecy by the God of the Gorillas, a desperate last-gasp attempt to convert Camel-suckers to Marlboro-mensch. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I call for Jihad against The Show ! Come one, come all ! Join me in front of Radio Valencia to protest this violation of my virginal vagaries and the hymen of my vacuous vaginal virtues ! Bring your own pitchforks and condoms and beer. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Show Tip of the Day --- Newbie listeners often complain that Ask Dr Hal has a steep learning curve. This is because The Show has multiple different attention-capture modes and their names (or whatever they are) are not self explanatory. (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: New listeners will doubtlessly -- or perhaps even indubitably -- be confused as to which modalities to utilize, depending on the mood de jour. The good thing is, the Help file clearly explains what each mode is and its fundamental funcion in terms of fun. So stop worrying, sit back, sit up straight, and enjoy the damned Show ! But PLEASE -- DO NOT TRY TO TALK AND THINK AT THE SAME TIME ! (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: sit up straight, and enjoy the damned Show ! But PLEASE -- DO NOT TRY TO TALK AND THINK AT THE SAME TIME ! (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: When the music stopped in October 2013, Dr Hal bopped away with a $40 million severance package from Chicken John, and we puerile peons were left to sweep the confetti off the floors, mop up the spilt champagne, pick up the empty bottles, broken glasses and caviar droppings, scrub the vomitorium with our own toothbrushes, and pay for all the damages incurred during the sordid orgy of greed, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: scrub the vomitorium with our own toothbrushes, and pay for all the damages incurred during the sordid orgy of greed, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Somehow the distracted, techno-narcissistic, oh-so-too-easily duped zombies have been lured once again into the cutely decorated arachnoidal web of subprimarily mortgaged Show lies. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We have only ourselves to blame as the discorporate fascist panarchist vampires implement their final solution for the SubGenius central class and our once proud Show %u2013 a pointless joke to the back of the head. (11:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Already enow, I find myself gasping with amazement as I gaze into the abyss, alternately yawning with bemused boredom and post-existential ennui as our parasitic host shows his true color : PINK ! PINK ! PINK ! (11:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: NEW MENTAL HEALTH REGULATIONS TIED TO JOKE CONTROL: DISAGREE WITH ANYTHING DR HAL SAYS , YOU ARE SHOWIST, PSYCHE GULAGS ON THE WAY AND THEN THORAZINE HELL AND LOBOTOMIES FOR CRITICS. (11:34pm)
jr "spud" seven: One week, 50 years! (11:47pm)