Radio Valencia's John Hell has decided to cut 4 trillion listeners from Radio Valencia over the next 12 years, as he laid out an aggressively right wing platform that eliminates staff salaries for all DJs except Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco (regarding the hosts of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, insane Program Director Hell stated, "The service they provide to the station simply cannot be interrupted... it is a matter of national importance").

Republicans cheered John Hell's seemingly bizarre actions, sending a message to all corrupt and mental despots hoping to destroy a radio station's credibility. The few regular listeners remaining are unlikely to be swayed by the new mantra of "balance" and "shared sacrifice", given Hell's intransigence regarding reducing his Maserati health plan and double digit profits he skims off the top.

In a screaming tirade to random passengers on the BART platform, John Hell added, "We vow to improve efficiency, reduce waste, protect the weak and sickly and encourage freedom, all while saving money and raising our Listener Deficit Reduction. Jeebus and My Many Buddhas, someone get me some crack!". Tonight, the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will play happy music by SLEEPYTIME GORILLA MUSEUM and avoid this disagreeable topic if at all possible.

FYI: NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND has never paid federal taxes.