Tourists hate our freedoms and that's why they're attacking us. It is clear that the Tourists want the demise of America, as well as other places like Delaware, and Canada too (which is in Oregon, but it's like a territory of America).

The Tourists spend lots of time in Spain and they see the Alhambra, they like the architecture and now they want a Caliphate, with those impressive columns and stuff.

So, in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter & Dr. Fiasco will take a real, live Tourist and extract as much information from them as they can via enhanced interrogation methods approved by their lawyers from Big Al's House of Discount Lawyering, methods such as:

- be startled by the Bush Man out at Fisherman's Wharf
- get a $250 parking ticket
- witness a nude rights rally
- mistake a policeman for some leather dude at the Folsom street fair, get arrested
- run over a bicycle. Extra truth serum points if it's a fixie.
- say "Frisco"
- confront their underlying prejudices, awkwardly
- attempt to purchase a house, die trying



NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: You're with us or you're with the Tourists.