Did you know that 51 billion dollars in gift certificates go unclaimed every year? That would be enough to keep Chicken John in fake engagement rings for an entire year.

Do not let this happen to you and call in during the FINAL BROADCAST to redeem your NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND gift card! You'll receive :

- Dr. Fiasco's hard-cover non-fiction thriller "D. Boon is the Jerry Garcia of Punk Rock". With large type and lots of figures.

- Bob-Marc, the Mission Martian Hipster's, screed "Why Does Dr. Fiasco Hate America?".

- 2 hours of labor for Karen Carpenter to come and rewire your home stereo. This also includes 4 hours of labor for someone qualified to do it properly later.

Call in and ask for Mr. Feng Shui Ramirez to redeem your gift while Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and Bob Marc turn the Radio Valencia Studios into a Turkish Bath with semi-celebrity guests FRANKENSTEIN JONES, LIQUOR PIG and Internet sensation MR. BAD. Also, there may be a rare sighting (or rather, hearing) of the elusive KrOB which may or may not land in the neighborhood during his seasonal migration from Monaco to Jackson Hole.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, if Radio got any better than this, it'd be in Braille