One could think that we at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND would be upset at the departure of BORG9, Supreme Art Critic for Life. We are not. In fact we are elated our Dear Leader has discarded his mortal body and is now completely free of encumbrances to smash punks throughout this and other Universes.

BORG9 made his presence known in the Modern Era by turning the 2005 My Art Is Bigger Then Yours Contest (known by the Ancients as Borg 2) into a Babel of Inanity that culminated in the choosing of the theme of The Great Hippie Dirt Fest 2006 to be "Show Me Your Tits: $300".

From that momentous occasion, The Beautiful One went on to smash punks wherever punks needed to be smashed and to perform incredible feats such as opening that jar of jam that no one else could.

And so in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and SPECIAL GUESTS KrOB and PUZZLING EVIDENCE will pay homage to BORG9's legacy in this world and beyond.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The Golden Anvil of Smashing.
Chatroom History
July 11, 2012 10:00pm - 1:30am

The Duke: Where is Snake? (10:11pm)
KatHerding: has it started yet? did I miss anything? (10:12pm)
vj pussycat: Just Ernest Borgnine masturbating (10:13pm)
The Duke: They played a bunch of K-Pop (10:13pm)
The Duke: I meant K-Rob (10:14pm)
Borgie and Bacall: Karen has a secret crush on Chicken John (10:17pm)
Burning Man: That sucks (10:20pm)
Kurt Russell: It was an honor to work with a legend and Borg. (10:23pm)
KatHerding: YES!!! (10:23pm)
K-Pop: Kill me.... (10:23pm)
K-Pop: Mourn me... (10:24pm)
KatHerding: Gee! (10:24pm)
K-Pop: Love me.... (10:24pm)
K-Pop: Marry me.. (10:24pm)
KatHerding: me love you long time fi dollah. (10:24pm)
K-Pop: Kreer? (10:24pm)
K-Pop: SUe-all? (10:25pm)
e_yazel: Hey, play some Poseidon Adventure (10:25pm)
e_yazel: I put a great video representation from Poseidon Adventure on the facebook page for this very show on right this moment. Who WIll Survive? (10:26pm)
Shelly Winters: There is no morning after (10:26pm)
e_yazel: There's got to be a morning after. (10:26pm)
e_yazel: "My Linda" (10:27pm)
KatHerding: I guessed the song. do I win something? (10:27pm)
I'm Pissed: means "I'm drunk" (10:27pm)
e_yazel: You get to survive and make it through the Night (10:27pm)
Shelly Winters: A Morning After pill (10:27pm)
KatHerding: gee, thanks. (10:27pm)
Thing: He got me. (10:28pm)
e_yazel: Paul Gallico wrote the novel (10:28pm)
e_yazel: He got to be married to Stella Stevens, too, in that. SHe was a tough New York prostitute he was rehabilitatin. (10:28pm)
KatHerding: you're trying to tell us there was really a guy named Ernest Borgnine!? (10:28pm)
e_yazel: Yes, he is talking right now on NOSE HAIR!!! (10:29pm)
e_yazel: Can't you hear hm?? (10:29pm)
KatHerding: I can. but I don't believe he's real. (10:29pm)
Capt Binghamton: We won the war with these micks (10:29pm)
e_yazel: Aw, he can't remember the director of The Poseidon Adventure (10:29pm)
e_yazel: It was a guy named Ronald Neame, I think. (10:30pm)
e_yazel: It was very much a Twentieth Century Fox film. (10:30pm)
e_yazel: I believe the Borg9 (10:30pm)
KatHerding: so gullible. (10:30pm)
e_yazel: he was always calling Gene Hackman "Preacher" in that. They are great in that. (10:31pm)
e_yazel: Cmon, play John WIlliams haunting music form The Poseidon Adventure. (10:32pm)
e_yazel: The whole world turns.. upside down!!! (10:32pm)
KatHerding: what a bummer. (10:33pm)
e_yazel: it was, too. A bummer. (10:33pm)
e_yazel: A Bummer for Borg9 (10:33pm)
KatHerding: he's probably rolling over in his grave if he's listening to this. (10:33pm)
e_yazel: For Borg9 it wasn't actually a bummer. (10:33pm)
e_yazel: For his character it was a bummer, though, a BIG one, he loses his Linda. (10:34pm)
e_yazel: The press is so mean even about nice dead people. (10:35pm)
NHLG: WE MEAN TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!! (10:36pm)
e_yazel: Ernest and Ethel (10:36pm)
Thing: He did me....for the boys inna rack... (10:38pm)
Cusin Eerie: What are you Sleeping, Radio Trops!!?!!!! (10:40pm)
KatHerding: wat r trops? (10:41pm)
Ouch: What a voice (10:41pm)
Cusin Eerie: Trops are stylizations 'bout this Show. (10:42pm)
Cusin Eerie: Dave 's not here (10:42pm)
Cusin Eerie: DAVE'S NOT HERE!!!!!!!! (10:42pm)
Dave: I am right here (10:42pm)
e_yazel: Actually, Ethel Merman as a younger woman was attractive... (10:42pm)
Cusin Eerie: DAVE'S NOT HEREEEE1111 (10:43pm)
Cusin Eerie: OH....HI, DAVE. (10:43pm)
Dave: Yes,I am...open the door (10:43pm)
Cusin Eerie: What? (10:43pm)
Dave: Open the god damn door (10:44pm)
Cusin Eerie: The Doors? (10:44pm)
300 bucks: Kiss me goodbye (10:45pm)
Jim Morrison: Break on through...got any LSD? (10:45pm)
ADM Morrison: Come home, son. You must be this high to ride this life. (10:46pm)
Jim Morrison: I am a wizard,a true star,and me and Ernie are dosing God right now. (10:46pm)
Kickstarter: Use me,you can raise money for meat! (10:47pm)
Borg10: HA HA!!!!! My turn NOW!!!!! (10:47pm)
Borg11: Damn it,when is it MY turn???? (10:47pm)
e_yazel: okay, your turn. DIE (10:48pm)
Borg10: Right after MEE!!! GET IN LINE!!!!!!! (10:48pm)
e_yazel: I posted a great photo on this program's facebook page. (10:48pm)
Borg10: I ATE FACEBOOK!!!! (10:48pm)
e_yazel: Die, already, Borg10. Pretender. (10:49pm)
Borg10: gurgle gur..... (10:49pm)
e_yazel: also, you're a bad actor Borg10 (10:49pm)
Borg8: I will make a comeback (10:49pm)
Dr. Fiasco: clearly someone forgot to take their medication tonight (10:50pm)
e_yazel: you're not as good as Borg9. Yu know it. Farewell. (10:50pm)
Borg-100: I will make a come-forward... (10:50pm)
e_yazel: Goodnight Sweet Prince. (10:50pm)
JFK : Someone else, now? (10:51pm)
e_yazel: He said exactly what Entertainments Tonight reported. (10:51pm)
Dracula9: PT 56 was his second boat. (10:51pm)
e_yazel: JFK, make room for Borg9 in Heaven. (10:52pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 lived longer than CLiff Robertson. (10:52pm)
but what was McHale's boat's #?: ? (10:52pm)
Hendrix: Just follow the haze... (10:52pm)
e_yazel: ok, what was it? (10:52pm)
He: 's breathing... (10:52pm)
e_yazel: McHales boat? I'll bet it was Borg9.. right? (10:52pm)
He: Wghat was the PT boat #? (10:53pm)
He: likes the Doors. (10:53pm)
He: it's Antelope Canyon (10:53pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 and Lee Marvin are in Heaven, right now, making a sequel to Emperor of the North (10:53pm)
e_yazel: WHy couldn;t Jogn Travolta die instead of Borg9? (10:54pm)
Rain, Devil's, one each: was used by Travolta9... (10:54pm)
Hendrix: PT 109: John F. Kennedy in WWII (10:55pm)
e_yazel: The Devil's Rain is based on the infamous Scienntology cult. (10:55pm)
Appolloo Mission 18: and his second PT was 56 (10:55pm)
Hendrix: PT-73 (10:55pm)
Appolloo Mission 18: was MackHale? (10:55pm)
e_yazel: Eddie Albert?? (10:56pm)
e_yazel: Eddei Albert was in The Devil's Rain??? (10:56pm)
Appolloo Mission 18: tes, fraid so (10:56pm)
e_yazel: A man Called Horse producer produced The Devil's Rain, too??? (10:57pm)
e_yazel: Heaven Help Us All!! (10:57pm)
Elvise: with Tim Conway, in the Nav... (10:58pm)
e_yazel: Was Richard Harris ever in a movie with Borg9? He had to be. (10:58pm)
e_yazel: I cannot call, it would wake everyone up. (10:59pm)
e_yazel: The Devl's Rain is based on The Actor's Studio training. (10:59pm)
Elvise: They lost ernie Bornime9? (11:00pm)
e_yazel: Who lost whom?? (11:00pm)
B org Mine: Yea, more dark angels, please. (11:01pm)
e_yazel: See? Borg9 and Catian Kirk had ab Actor SMackdown!! (11:01pm)
Call Me Ernie: Smash (11:01pm)
e_yazel: "Martin Fife??" (11:01pm)
e_yazel: This Devil's Rain is amazing, play more. (11:01pm)
e_yazel: is the phne working? (11:02pm)
B org Mine: Yea, more Mark Preston. (11:02pm)
e_yazel: See. Borg9 is talking purity. (11:02pm)
B org Mine: There is no evil, no good...only tape. (11:02pm)
e_yazel: See? Devil's Rain is a mvie about membership at CostCO, they're anticipating it. (11:03pm)
B org Mine: Yea, more Martin Fife. (11:03pm)
KatHerding: ok NOW it's getting EXCITING (11:03pm)
B org Mine: Yea, more Spock. (11:03pm)
e_yazel: I need to see this film. (11:03pm)
KatHerding: me too (11:03pm)
B org Mine: it is right there on the innernet. (11:03pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 is one spooky dude, man, when he wants to be, MAN... (11:04pm)
Call Me Ernie: A bunch of Satanists in the American rural landscape have terrible powers which enable them to melt their victims. (11:04pm)
e_yazel: Look at that, an unlikely Satn worshipper guy. WHat an ACTOR. (11:04pm)
e_yazel: Ernest, we hardly EVEN KNEW THEE. (11:04pm)
e_yazel: We felt as if we did, though. (11:05pm)
e_yazel: And Mister DOuglas is also in Devil's Rain!!! (11:05pm)
e_yazel: Eddie Albert and Ernest Borg9 in the same flipping movie. (11:06pm)
e_yazel: The WIld Bunch??? (11:06pm)
e_yazel: Sam Peckerhead. (11:06pm)
KatHerding: I thought parapsychology was an advanced form of hang gliding. (11:06pm)
e_yazel: A SAM PECKERHEAD Production. (11:06pm)
e_yazel: it was a veritable slaughtetfest. (11:07pm)
e_yazel: The Devil's WIld Bunch in the Rain. (11:07pm)
e_yazel: Warren Oates. (11:07pm)
e_yazel: I think Karen Carpenter is watching that WIld Bunch video that counts out the dead on YouTUbe. (11:08pm)
e_yazel: This is radio!! (11:08pm)
e_yazel: This defines it. (11:08pm)
e_yazel: They all kill a great many people in that movie, and then they all have melted faces because they worshiped Old Scratch. (11:09pm)
KatHerding: Dr. Fiasco was quick with his wife, apparently. (11:09pm)
e_yazel: Aw, it wasn;t real killing, it was a motion picture entertainment. (11:09pm)
e_yazel: They even sya in the credits that it bears no similarities to actual persons, living or dead. (11:10pm)
e_yazel: Smash Up All the Punks (11:10pm)
No silmilar: bears living or dead are actual. (11:10pm)
e_yazel: Bears? (11:11pm)
e_yazel: Aw, now they speak of the baby. (11:11pm)
e_yazel: Dr Fiasco is claiming to have six pack abs (11:12pm)
e_yazel: But were they like Borg('s abs? Nooo. no way! (11:12pm)
Borg9abs: because it's punks! (11:12pm)
Call Me Ernie: Anyone remember a movie where Bill Shatner plays a Cowboy(Gunfighter?) who takes mushrooms and flips out while the Indians(Native Americans?) Taunt him? (11:13pm)
Borg9abs: or as Sponge Bob's left hemi-cudda (11:13pm)
e_yazel: No, that movie never happened. (11:13pm)
e_yazel: I wish they could stick to the topic at hand. (11:13pm)
Borg9abs: Trpoic Hands, 1943 (11:14pm)
e_yazel: wha? (11:14pm)
Call Me Ernie: Don't worry,it is the final episode...and yes,that was a movie,or a tv play...or something. (11:14pm)
e_yazel: IS ths Borg9 as a poet, somehow?? (11:14pm)
Call Me Ernie: He is playing Bukowski (11:14pm)
e_yazel: Is that The People with Kim Darby?? (11:14pm)
e_yazel: Yeah, stick to the theme!!! (11:15pm)
e_yazel: RAZY??? (11:15pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 played Bukowski?? (11:15pm)
e_yazel: Lynn STarmart, Central Casting (11:16pm)
Borg9abs: The People are With The Dear Leader Kim Ill Fun (11:16pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 would have made a great Bukowski!! (11:16pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 was ever in a space movie? (11:17pm)
e_yazel: Was Borg9 in The Black HOle?? (11:17pm)
e_yazel: I think he was, right? (11:17pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 was at Burning Man? Wow. (11:17pm)
e_yazel: He'd really kick all the Burners butts around the playa. (11:18pm)
Mitchellville Iowa Town Council: We'll thank you to leave us alone, now, young men. (11:18pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 was never rabid. (11:18pm)
e_yazel: He was never infected in that way. (11:18pm)
e_yazel: He had syphilis. The CLAP. maybe. (11:19pm)
Mitchellville Iowa Town Council: peanut butter pie (11:19pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 on the Bus. Great alliteration.... (11:20pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 had ulcers and it never phased him. (11:20pm)
Austrocon: set ulcers to phase. (11:21pm)
e_yazel: How do they say Ernest Borg9 in Portugese? (11:21pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 was in Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea? Naw.. (11:22pm)
Call Me Ernie: Found it..it is peyote,not mushrooms. (11:22pm)
Call Me Ernie: http://crackheadlove.com/uwuw (11:22pm)
e_yazel: Eddie Albert also could have been in The Poseidon Adventure. (11:23pm)
Call Me Ernie: White Comanche (11:23pm)
e_yazel: He's gonna break the bottom of his head? (11:23pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 was also very intelligent. (11:24pm)
e_yazel: MAybe people don't know it, but Ernest Borg9 had a PHD in English Literature. (11:24pm)
e_yazel: Oh, you guys... (11:25pm)
e_yazel: I don't count?? (11:25pm)
Call Me Ernie: Is this the People's Court theme? (11:25pm)
Austrocon: He can't count?! (11:25pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 also had an associate degree in Celtic Musicology. (11:26pm)
e_yazel: Poor Ernest Borghead. (11:26pm)
Call Me Ernie: I was on Twin Peaks? (11:27pm)
e_yazel: Captain Video (11:30pm)
e_yazel: That is a very bad acccent by Borg9 (11:32pm)
e_yazel: That is HSelly WInters, there,! (11:32pm)
e_yazel: Gondola guys get so many women, it isn;t even humorous. (11:33pm)
e_yazel: Life is Always Very Important (11:33pm)
e_yazel: NO Shelly WInters husband in Poseidon was JACK ALBERTSON (11:34pm)
e_yazel: BORG( was married to Stella Stevens!!! (11:34pm)
e_yazel: in Poseidon Adventures (11:34pm)
Punks: Is it safe yet? (11:34pm)
e_yazel: No, they have the cast and plot all messed up for Poseidon Adventure (11:34pm)
e_yazel: some kind of WHAT movie. Doctor Fasco?? (11:35pm)
e_yazel: what was his question?? (11:35pm)
Chuck Heston: Ernie was great to work with on Earthquake and The Towering Inferno. (11:35pm)
e_yazel: He was in neither of those movies (11:36pm)
e_yazel: Fool! (11:36pm)
Chuck Heston: You dare question Heston? (11:36pm)
e_yazel: I always do. (11:36pm)
Chuck Heston: ...what did I do with my gun.... (11:36pm)
e_yazel: What is Borg9 saying, here?? (11:36pm)
e_yazel: Heston, that is not a gun. It's a tennis racket. (11:37pm)
Chuck Heston: He is saying the smog on the Towering Inferno set was terrible (11:37pm)
e_yazel: He was not in Twoering Infernos (11:37pm)
e_yazel: you're confusing him with John Williams (11:37pm)
e_yazel: NO no he was not in that!!!!!!! (11:37pm)
Chuck Heston: Lord of the Towers (11:37pm)
e_yazel: Noooooooo (11:38pm)
Chuck Heston: I told you (11:38pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 was not in Towring Inforno!! (11:38pm)
Chuck Heston: We were in Airport together too (11:38pm)
e_yazel: See? They are now naming all of the cast!! (11:38pm)
e_yazel: He was not in it!!! (11:38pm)
e_yazel: No no no no (11:38pm)
Chuck Heston: And we played gay lovers on the Love Boat (11:38pm)
e_yazel: Noooo (11:38pm)
e_yazel: Heston was not on Love Boats (11:39pm)
Chuck Heston: He liked to admire my gun. (11:39pm)
e_yazel: You're cofusing Borg9 with Fred Astaire (11:39pm)
e_yazel: Yes, Irwin produced that (11:39pm)
e_yazel: That is correct, Faiasco!! (11:39pm)
e_yazel: what? (11:39pm)
e_yazel: Gene Hackman was in Towring Inferno (11:40pm)
Chuck Heston: Ernie and I really enjoyed acting together in Planet of the Apes,he played the part of Zeus (11:40pm)
e_yazel: NO no no no (11:40pm)
e_yazel: thi is a moackery of casting (11:40pm)
e_yazel: Borg( was in The Devil's Rain (11:40pm)
Chuck Heston: And remember Ernie in Clockwork Orange,that was a departure for him. (11:40pm)
e_yazel: It was -- because Borg9 was never in that!!! (11:41pm)
e_yazel: you lie!!! (11:41pm)
Chuck Heston: Menstrual member (11:41pm)
e_yazel: CHuck, you have no knowledge of 70s cinemas. or 60s. DAmn you!!!! (11:41pm)
e_yazel: She what??? Hedy did what?? (11:42pm)
Chuck Heston: Ernie used to tell me about the days playing Uncle Fester on the Addams Family (11:42pm)
e_yazel: Didshe do it with her brassiere?? (11:42pm)
e_yazel: CHuck, what do you really know?? huh? huh?? (11:42pm)
Chuck Heston: Oh great...the sex lady is here. (11:43pm)
e_yazel: Borg9? who s this woman, now? (11:43pm)
e_yazel: make her talk about Borg9 (11:43pm)
e_yazel: force her to talk about him (11:43pm)
Chuck Heston: Remember Ernies great turn as Dr.Smith on Lost in Space? (11:43pm)
e_yazel: Compel her to discuss Ernest Borg9 (11:44pm)
e_yazel: She sold oregano to Borg9? (11:44pm)
Chuck Heston: Ernest also played Beavers friend Larry on Leave it to Beaver. (11:44pm)
e_yazel: this is so confusing. (11:44pm)
e_yazel: Talk abut Ernie. (11:45pm)
e_yazel: Borg9 is what is important. (11:45pm)
e_yazel: QUIZ her about what she knows about Borg9 (11:45pm)
e_yazel: Oy. (11:45pm)
Chuck Heston: And he was Spanky in the Little Rascals with Eddie Murphy and Robert Blake. (11:46pm)
e_yazel: Everyone thinks this girl is drunk, but I say that's not possible... (11:46pm)
e_yazel: "Polyamourous" (11:46pm)
Chuck Heston: With her there is no morning after (11:47pm)
e_yazel: "attractive man" (11:47pm)
Chuck Heston: I had a family once. (11:47pm)
e_yazel: Fiasco will save it. (11:47pm)
e_yazel: He will save the prgram. (11:47pm)
Chuck Heston: But I was too attractive to drunk girls. (11:47pm)
e_yazel: The Devil's Rain was about CostcCo menbership rituals. (11:48pm)
Chuck Heston: Boxes of Kitty Cats? (11:48pm)
e_yazel: See, it is good he has steered it back to Borg9 discussion. (11:48pm)
Chuck Heston: Freeze dried kittens? (11:48pm)
e_yazel: slowly, he is doing that. (11:48pm)
e_yazel: He means cases of KitKat bars. (11:49pm)
e_yazel: Does sheoften come on, here? (11:49pm)
Chuck Heston: Break me off a piece... (11:49pm)
Chuck Heston: Yes (11:49pm)
Chuck Heston: She does (11:49pm)
e_yazel: Sigh, she wants to discuss sex. (11:49pm)
Chuck Heston: She is sexually active and likes to let everyone know. (11:50pm)
Chuck Heston: Sex disgusts me,guns are better than sex. (11:50pm)
e_yazel: Yes, I'm afraid she wants that acknowledgement or she will not leave. (11:50pm)
Chuck Heston: This guy needs autotune (11:51pm)
Chuck Heston: Her panties? (11:51pm)
Chuck Heston: Take a call. (11:52pm)
Chuck Heston: This is the final episode boys. (11:52pm)
Chuck Heston: Me and Ernie wore robes when we starred in Ben Hur together. (11:53pm)
Chuck Heston: Then we did Death Wish 8,and then Dirty Harry Gets A Hand. (11:54pm)
KatHerding: oh no! it's the FINAL BROADCAST! (11:54pm)
Mike Douglas: Merv Griffin stole my thunder. (11:55pm)
e_yazel: They cannot take calls, I think... (11:55pm)
KatHerding: suspenseful buildup (11:56pm)
Mike Douglas: They can make them...they need to just dial people at random and get thier thoughts on Ernie. (11:56pm)
KatHerding: Italo! (11:56pm)
e_yazel: It's Doctor Hal!! (11:56pm)
KatHerding: this reminds me of the Sabian Symbols. (11:56pm)
Mike Douglas: He is not really a Doctor...he is just an intern (11:56pm)
e_yazel: Gee, the prgram is over, already? And what happened? (11:58pm)
storytellers: we're locked and loaded!! (11:58pm)
e_yazel: He's shuffled off his mortal coil. (11:58pm)
Mike Douglas: Here's a story,of a lovely lady,and her love affair with Ernest Borgnine.... (11:59pm)
KatHerding: bye Borgie. (11:59pm)
e_yazel: Good night Sweet Borg9 (11:59pm)
storytellers: fare the well... (12:00am)
Borg9: Goodnight everyone,do not worry about me,I am everywhere and nowhere...I am all and nothing. (12:01am)
Karen Carpenter: thx everybody (12:01am)