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May 17, 2019 10:00pm
REV. A. STOOT "FISHY NARDO" of Lilburn, Georgia writes to ask if Saltopus, that enigmatic dinosauromorph Archosaur from Triassic stratigraphic horizons wasn't the most edible and indeed toothsome of all the Dinosauria. Rev. Nardo, thanks for your question for Ask Dr. Hal! and your enclosed donation. Well, once again we have another Archosaur under unresolved taxonomic debate. We do know Saltopus was a very small, bipedal dinosauriform from the late Triassic (late Carnian) period. Discovered in the Lossiemouth Sandstone Formation in Scotland, it's a rarity, known from very little fossil material. Indeed, all Science has to go on is a portion of the vertebral column-- the forelimbs, pelvis, and hind limbs-- it cannot be classified as definitely a dinosaur or, definitely, even a really close cousin. The pelvis, what there is of it, does at least suggest dinosaurian affinities. If only we could see the feet and especially the ankles... You see, there were many "sort-of dinosaurs" running around at that time, the so-called Thecodonts and erect, bipedal crocodylians. The ankles would be key, even more so than related skull material, which is rare. So it’s uncertain whether Saltopus is an early Saurischian, perhaps what we would call a Crurotarsal, a more advanced theropod, or a close relative of Herrerasaurus, the noble and primal, basal Ur-dinosaur. The remains found suggests that Saltopus was an agile, probably insectivorous predator, like a modern-day chicken (though as a listener you must know we are not comfortable with the paleontologically dominant view that birds are direct dinosaur ancestors and should be considered "living dinosaurs"). Balderdash! Horseradish! But... how would it taste?
Here's our recipe for Saltopus in Curry Sauce: 1 Saltopus
5 Tbsp. Lemon juice
1 Tbsp. Curry powder
3 Cloves garlic, crushed
1 onion, chopped
Leaves from 1 stalk celery, chopped
1 small hot pepper, chopped fine
2 chicken bouillon cubes or 2 tsp. bouillon powder
2 Tbsp. Vegetable oil
2 tomatoes, chopped
salt and pepper

Cleaning the Saltopus

Hang the little dinosaur (or whatever it is) by the head. Cut off the feet and the crest on the back. Grab the skin with both hands at the back where you cut the crest off, and pull it towards the front until it all comes off. Cut off the tail. Put it aside (you might want to cook it separately). Cut the chest cavity open and remove the entrails! (VERY important.) Take it down and cut off the head. Wash the Saltopus thoroughly. Cut it into pieces and put it in a bowl of water with the lemon juice and 1 tsp. salt. Stir. Let it sit for ½ hour.


Take the meat out of the water, pat it dry and sprinkle it with salt and pepper.

Heat the oil in a frying pan or wok. Add the garlic and curry powder. Stir for about a minute.

Add the meat, tomatoes and onions. Continue stirring.

Add ½ cup water, the celery leaves, hot pepper and bouillon cubes (crushed) or powder.

Turn the heat down, and let the meat stew for ½ hour, adding more water as necessary. Keep tasting the broth, and you will know when you are done! Also on the Show, we have the usual poetry, Whitman MacGowan, the Original Gentleman, Michael Peppe, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence. The whole thing lasts 6 hours, though Dr. H. Owll fades during the last two, having to get up the next day for a hospital appointment. Too much exotic food, perhaps...

May 10, 2019 10:00pm
BY BRIAN W. ALDISS, the novella read in its entirety, is mainly featured during this solitary (Guest-free) show. Also with the usual poetry and pedantry. The failure of the Kisi App to function menaced the Show's existence as usual, yet Fate willed that it was still to be. Just three hours, this time...

May 3, 2019 10:00pm
MATTHEW, 6:24-- "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." In "Poverty," a short story by American writer Nicholas Gentile, this adage is put to the ultimate test. A performance of the tale in its entirety begins the Show. Other highlights include the poetry of T.S. Eliot, X.J. Kennedy, William Blake and Archibald MacLeish. Some voices in passing are those of Ivan Stang, Suzie the Floozie, Zero Boy, Rev. Baby Bear and Philo Drummond. Later Puzzling Evidence visits and joins in. We also remind listeners about the forthcoming May 30th San Francisco screening of the motion picture, "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the SubGenius" at the Roxie theater, part of SF Indiefest, to be followed by an on-stage panel with filmmaker Sandy Boone, Dr. H. Owll, Lies and Puzzling Evidence. Mark your calendars accordingly.

April 26, 2019 10:00pm
Ein Buch für Alle und Keinen as heard on the Ask Dr. Hal! Podcast. Yes, Michael Peppe. For what constitutes the tremendous historical uniqueness of that San Franciscan Performance Artist is the fight of Good and Evil-- the very Wheel rolling in the machinery of things: the transposition of Morality into the metaphysical realm, as a force, cause, and end in itself. Peppe, or as we shall call him, Peppethustra, created with his freewheeling statements and speculations this most calamitous error, Morality; consequently, Im-ho-Pep must also be the first to recognize it. His doctrine, and his alone, heard on this episode, posits Truthfulness as the highest virtue; this means the opposite of the cowardice of the "Idealist” who flees from reality to preserve his formulated standard. Memory may play us false, but we can succeed in overturning this so-called Morality by means of our preference for Truthfulness, as much as it may be attained through our efforts, above all other competitive considerations-- the self-overcoming of hypothesized Morality, out of Truthfulness; the self-overcoming of the moralist, into his opposite—into Peppe. However, his attempts to dramatize the Chatterbox by reading it aloud is destabilizing and will probably be discouraged in future episodes.

April 19, 2019 10:00pm
...ARRIVED WITH A THUMP on the Show, after Special Counsel Robert S. Mullock III submitted the massive, phone-book-thick document to Attorney General Will'iam D. Boor on Friday, marking the end of his insiccation into Russky interference in the 2016 erection and possible Obfuscation of Justice by porcine, orange Resident "Don" Drumpf. Thus ends, supposedly, the lengthy, closely watched inquiry — a case that has engulfed the Drumpf Administration since its inception, leading to criminal charges against 34 sort-of people, including six former Drumpf cronies, hangers-on, associates and "advisers." A senior Justice Department official who spoke on the condition of anonymity said the Special Counsel has not recommended any further indictments — a revelation that buoyed and electrically charged Drumpf’s volatile, hayseed, frothing, po'bucker supporters, even as other Drumpf-related investigations continue in other parts of the "Just-is" Department. It is also unclear whether a Mullock report that does not result in additional charges could still hurt the Resident politically, or even, ideally, physically. In addition to political matters, this episode of the hard-hitting Show featured poems by reclusive WEIRD TALES poet and author Clark Ashton Smith. In the Paleontology Report we discussed the newly-discovered prehistoric species Dynamoterror, Invictarx, Acantholipan, Jinyunpelta, Lingwulong and Mansourasaurus shahinae. Puzzling Evidence and KrOB made an appearance, but neither could be induced to say a word. They did, however, attach their equipment to the board, essentially disabling all Ask Dr. Hal! content and taking over the last two hours with their "Nose-Hair Lint-Gland"-type mixes.

April 12, 2019 10:00pm
...LIVED APPROXIMATELY 76 million years ago during the late Cretaceous Period. First discovered in 1889 in the vicinity of Denver, Colorado, it was fully examined a year after its discovery and named by Othniel C. Marsh, who gave it its name-- Ornithomimus, or “bird mimic." The little (for a dinosaur) omnivore probably ate seed ferns, fruits, insects and maybe even some mammals and reptiles. And, wandering like an Ornithomimus, the Show took a circumambient route. Having recently visited Virginia City, Nevada, we reminisced, via Ancestral Memory, about a somewhat similar place, Tombstone, Arizona and the lawmen, cow-boys, owl-hoots and other riff-raff who once lived there. Then in came Michael Peppe(!) and Puzzling Evidence, and even later, KrOB. The former regaled us with tales of his toils in the bowels of the Conspiracy, now over and done with (the j_b and sadly not the Conspiracy). Yes, a splendid time (we hope) was had by all in a show lasting a bit more than 5 hours (though only five are posted here). With the poetry of Coleridge and Clark Ashton Smith among others, and featuring an answer to a question (with a donation, many thanks) from listener Mob Meattie of Washington, DC.

March 29, 2019 10:00pm
"TO SEE THINGS IN THE SEED-- THAT IS GENIUS." -Lao Tzu. Many things come to be newly born in the depths of space, an ontogeny of singular presence. Within molecular clouds, relatively dense concentrations of interstellar gas and dust stretch where the temperature hovers just above Absolute Zero. There, streaming gases become molecular, and atoms bind together. CO and H2 are the most common molecules in interstellar gas clouds, where deep cold also causes gas to clump to high densities. When hyper-concentration reaches a certain essential mass, stars form and begin to blaze, as the supremely concentrated parts of the cloud core collapse under their own mighty, megalo-gravitic weight. Such ultra-concentrated cores typically possess around 104 solar masses in the form of gas and dust. The central cores, nuclei denser than the outer cloud, are first to undergo pre-stellar collapse, fragmenting into massive clumps around 0.1 parsecs in size, about the equivalent of 10 to 50 Solar masses. These embryonic clumps then develop into proto-stars, and are fully fledged in circa 10 million years, from unimaginable cold to greater than white-hot heat, the unstoppable hydrogen-helium fusion reaction which persists and endures through lustrums and epicycles, pulsations of Cosmic Time. Before four hours elapse but after three, the show concludes. Dr. H. Owll performs "The Hitchhiker" by Roald Dahl in its entirety. Puzzling Evidence chimes in toward the end. Submitted questions are answered, donations received. Mob Meattie, yours shall be answered on April 12th. Next week while Dr. H. Owll is far, far away from life-zone habitable California in remote, deep cold, a re-run will be in place, ideally superseded by Puzzling Evidence with lusty, bawling, newborn sound.

March 22, 2019 10:00pm
...IN THE SMALL METROPOLIS PARK near the DAILY PLANET building was an interval of time well exploited by his superior intellect. The alien being, human-shaped by cosmic forces of convergent evolution, had reasons of his own for refreshing himself, during his isolation surrounded by many, by maintaining all his activities while enjoying an intellectual game of a vast imposture, one stretching far beyond the playful trope of a false identity. As for this episode of the Show, we featured the poetry of Dylan Thomas and Samuel Taylor Coleridge; we attended and presented the recent SxSW Interview with Sacred Scribe Ivan Stang and SubGenius Documentary-maker Sandy Boone, via a virtual re-creation, in which it seems we lost the entirety of our easily-bored listening audience, and heard J.R.R. Tolkien read eloquently from his own works on the death of Boromir, the Lament for Boromir.
The older brother of Faramir, Boromir was known in Gondor for his greatness as a warrior and champion, having already achieved knightly merit in Gondor prior to the Council of Elrond. The eldest son of Denethor II, who was Steward of Gondor during the War of the Ring, and his wife Finduilas, he was admired even by the equestrian people of Rohan, particularly Éomer.
Boromir was born in the year TA 2978, the eldest child of Denethor II (the penultimate Steward of Gondor) and his wife Finduilas, and would have taken over as Steward after Denethor's death, had he lived. When Boromir was only ten years old, his mother died. Consequently, his father became a grim person and visibly displayed a preference for Boromir over his younger brother. Despite this fact, Boromir was most fraternally close to Faramir, and typically looked after his interests. He devoted himself to leading his people and fought in the battle for the eastern part of Osgiliath. He, his brother, and two others were the only survivors of the unit that held the bridge until its destruction; they had to swim the river Anduin to preserve their lives. Although KrOB and Puzzling Evidence were present at the Show, once again neither would deign to speak.

March 15, 2019 10:00pm
WITH THE POETRY of J.R.R. Tolkien (marred by forgetfulness), Dylan Thomas and David Erdreich (from MR. E'S MYSTERY). A ramble through questions and answers. Advanced SubGenius studies-- a suggested curriculum. Family life of the large Tyrannosaurs. Gwangi and Kali. KrOB and Puzzling Evidence-- but not salaryman Michael Peppe, though hope springs eternal for his return...

March 8, 2019 10:00pm
...AND ARE THANKFUL FOR YOUR DONATIONS. Here on the Ask Dr. Hal! Show-Live-on- Radio we appreciate receiving your mailed-in queries. Sometimes it happens that we may temporarily mis-file a letter, though, which we deeply regret doing... take heart-- your question will be answered on an upcoming show. Reverend Dick Mauve of Conway, South Carolina, though we didn't get to your inquiry, we WILL take care of it in our very next podcast. This time, once again we had no guests in the Studio and put out a "solo" performance. This presentation was the standard three hours in length, but here we include the subsequent hour so you may download the after-show, up to the point Robo-DJ takes over.

March 1, 2019 10:00pm
...AND TRYING TO PROVIDE a full-bodied Show on our own, this is what we came up with. See, both KrOB and Puzzling Evidence were apparently P.O.'d at us and wouldn't come in, the reason being that we didn't make it into the Puz-Ev Show on KPFA 94.1 FM a number of hours earlier. Why not? Well, wily Pete Goldie gave us to understand that by mutual agreement between himself and those guys, we were not to make the usual exciting train trip to Berkeley with the reeking, unhinged Last Train buskers and predators, but instead repair to towering Reloadio, there to transact the KPFA Show business via remote link. Yet somehow that link never did seem to link, and now frozen silence is the only response to our inquiries from our former confreres. Well sir, we did have a great time that night/morning in Reloadio Tower, though. But thus later in solitude we transmitted our own podcast afterwards. Among other things we featured the 1945 Lux Radio Theater production (No. 488) of THE CANTERVILLE GHOST by Oscar Wilde, starring Charles Laughton and Margaret O'Brien. A few years back we were working in Hollywood on a script about Oscar Wilde. The studio, our employer, gave us the disc of this show among other possibly helpful materials. Being quite familiar with Wilde's haunting, beautiful (and funny) story, we didn't play it at the time. Friday night, faced with a co-hostless show, we thought we would play the disc, expecting an entertaining version of the story. What we got was scratchy and frequently interrupted by ads for Lux soap, and did not have, we found, anything more than a superficial resemblance to Wilde's story at best-- the adaptation by Edwin Blum shoehorned in all sorts of crap about "lovable" G.I.s stationed in wartime England, distorting the whole venture into propaganda-infused Low Comedy. But, having started, we gritted our remaining teeth and let it play. So there's that, and the usual poems and mix. Just three hours this time, though...

February 22, 2019 10:00pm
THE KISI APP was on the Fritz again, but a Lady appeared who let us in. Actually, while malfunctioned that most un-digital means of ingress, a KEY to the building was momentarily available in a lock-box attached to the door. We had help ere we could use it, as said, but for one brief, shining moment there was a sure and anxiety-free means to get in and do our show. But now, things are back to the Old Normal and fidgeting, over-designed computer systems must be surmounted by the Night People if they wish to get in. A historical presentation on San Francisco's FIRST Chicken John, the hook-handed, brawling "Shanghai Chicken" gave way to the Ragtime Era's traditional tale of passion and murder, "Frankie and Johnny." We worked to present Keats's Eve of St. Agnes, but periodic interruptions took their toll. Puzling Evidence and KrOB settled in and the Show passed from our tentacles to a sound-effects-dominated live mixing session... Ask Dr. Hal! itself, it may be estimated, lasted until about 2:00 AM, P.S.T. And so it goes. Better luck next session, next month, Fate (and Kisi) permitting...

February 15, 2019 10:00pm
SIX HOURS with Puzzling Evidence, after a while, and, later,KrOB. Rain fell.

Calico Pie,
The little Birds fly
Down to the calico tree;
Their wings were all blue,
And they sang 'Tilly-loo!'
Till away they all flew,--
And they never came back to me!
They never came back!
They never came back!
They never came back to me!

Calico Jam,
The little Fish swam,
Over the Syllabub Sea.
He took off his hat,
To the Sole and the Sprat,
And the Wallaby-Wat--
But he never came back to me!
He never came back!
He never came back!
He never came back to me!

Calico Ban,
The little Mice ran,
To be ready in time for tea,
They drank it all up,
And danced in the cup...
But they never came back to me!
They never came back!
They never came back!
They never came back to me!

Calico Drum,
The Grasshoppers come,
The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
Over the ground,
Around and around,
With a hop and a bound!
But they never came back to me...
They never came back!
They never came back!
They never came back to me! --Edward Lear.

February 8, 2019 10:00pm
PULLED BY A POWERFUL NEW YORK CENTRAL 4-6-0, the Show rattles along the tracks of reminiscence as Puzzling Evidence and Dr. H. Owll converse about vanished worlds. We pass the Reloadio Express running the other way. After the first hour of Saturday more remains, but we pull in before the turning of Two O'clock in the morning, and Robo-DJ is invoked and at work before then. An easy, un-interrupted trip. Two wheezing geezers mine their beezers, and render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. Just to pass the time away.

February 1, 2019 10:00pm
THE "APP" ONCE AGAIN wouldn't open the door-- It told us "No Wi-Fi" as it had before. We were stuck in the street and we couldn't get in-- The icy rain fell. We were soaked to the skin. And we muttered, "That's all we can take of this crap-- We'll tell them just what they can do with their App!" Then, a mad homeless woman, a menacing hag, Tried to grab and make off with our radio bag! If Dusty's "sub" hadn't just then left the place, We'd have never got in! What a freaking disgrace! The DOOR has a KEYHOLE! Can't we have a KEY? This Kisi App thing is as dumb as can be! Well, we rushed up the stairs, with the Start Time now passed, But still hoping to take up our RV Podcast, We burst into the Studio, only to find All the cords and connectors we had to unwind! The Board was quite jumbled, the mics wouldn't start-- The set-up was messed up, and all torn apart! We were already late, so while playing a song, We frantically tried to find out what was wrong. With the Intro all bungled, we started at last-- What a way to mess up our own special podcast... After that, it got better-- "Puzz" brought in a Guest. That's right-- MICHAEL PEPPE, the famous, the best. From then on the Show fell like plums in our lap, But, man! how we loathe that twice-dammed Kisi App!

January 25, 2019 10:00pm
...AND PLENTY MORE. The poetry of Dylan Thomas, the music of Robin Coomer and Sam Bass as Loop! Station, reports from the field of SubGenius activities, including first word on the reception of The SubGenius (Documentary) Movie. Edward Lear's "The Jumblies." Archival Material from times past. A venomous rant by Mr. Francis E. Dec. "Monsters Attack Jerry Lewis!" Robert Heinlein's "All You Zombies" retold. And still more. Eventually, Puzzling Evidence, and later (around Midnight) KrOB, visit the show-- but we expend great effort to keep from turning into Nose Hair Lint Gland, and eventually do bring the peripatetic duo from the ensorcelment of their glowing screens to speak, actually speak, into the microphones. Later, from the realm of Current Events, President Don Drumpf makes a special announcement. So, we prevailed! Yes, the Kisi App dingfutzer failed, but we achieved entrance anyway. Onward!

January 18, 2019 10:00pm
...IN AS MANY HOURS. Yes, the Show That Never Ends threatened to live well up to its name in this lengthy episode. We did Humpty's poem again, together with others (Clark Ashton Smith for one, un-credited) and then discussed the Extinction Events which have troubled our planet's biosphere in previous lustrums and epicycles. When Puzzling Evidence and later, KrOB appeared, we took a jog in another direction, ending up watching and narrating SHIP OF MONSTERS (1960) a Mexican film about two comely Venusians who have captured males of various sentient species from other worlds to take back to the Planet of Love for breeding purposes (!) when stopping on Earth due to a momentary, transient space ship breakdown. They decide to collect a happy-go-lucky vaquero (Eulalio González) named, in the film, Lalo Gonzalez "Piporro," whose bar-room buddies regularly are regaled by his outrageous lies. Naturally, they disbelieve him when he tells of encountering the Space Babes and their retinue of grotesques. To complicate matters, one of the Venusians turns out to be a curvaceous but sharp-fanged Vampire with sinister plans for the Earth. Hilarity, of a sort, ensues. Viewers of this sort of film will remember that Venus is populated by shapely glamour-dolls in sparkly, form-fitting swimsuit-like affairs, as in QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE (1958), ABBOT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS (1953) et al. (Yes, I know, the funnymen in that movie intend to go to Mars but actually end up on Venus.) The all-female Venereans apparently enjoy a highly evolved technological civilization, which is how they have managed to delude Earthly space probes into reporting that the second planet out from the Sun is a Hell World of super-heated acid rain in a searing black abyss. Good strategy, that. The film's leading ladies, Ana Bertha Lepe and Lorena Velázquez, were crowned Señorita México (Miss Mexico) in 1953 and 1960, respectively. Six hours.

January 11, 2019 10:00pm
PERFORMED BY DR. H. OWLL, with an introduced musical/sound-effect. The verse, called (by some) "Indeterminacy," also known by its first line, "I Sent a Message to the Fish," was composed by the poet prior to Mr. Dumpty's tragic accident; the Palace Guard, together with the Royal Equerry are, we hear, at present engaged in a major medical effort to remedy his injuries. Also with the poetry of Dylan Thomas. Nurse Kelly speaks at length on the Night of Slack (1984) and the forthcoming(?) SubGenius Documentary film (working title) "Slacking Toward Bethlehem." At this point Michael Peppe and Puzzling Evidence visit the Studio; a new conversation proceeds from there. For the address to mail contributions and Questions, please listen to future episodes. Ironically, the ongoing Government Shutdown may be, in our favor, delaying the Inevitable.

January 4, 2019 10:00pm
In this hard-hitting episode, fearless Dr. H. Owll shows a vision of omnipresent destruction, with the aid of Ray Bradbury's prophetic story THERE WILL COME SOFT RAINS, which he reads. Before that, the word-music of Dylan Thomas. After that, the arrival of Puzzling Evidence in the Studio heralds the second petal of our triune blossom: a narration of the film HELLCATS OF THE NAVY, featuring Arthur Franz and, yes, Ronald Reagan, with a shore-side romance with the ankylosed, angular former Nancy Davis (we should do DONOVAN'S BRAIN sometime). In this Morningside picture, Ron keeps a stiff upper lip, along with the rest of his anatomy, while intrepidly piloting a submarine into Japanese waters. Based on something that actually happened somewhere and sometime, hidden and distorted by layers of scriptwriting and the standard patriotic homilies, the picture begins with Admiral Chester Nimitz (in Berkeley, California) and veers between a back-lot Guam and a submarine interior familiar to those who watch IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA. For this potboiler was cooked up by Columbia producer Charles Schneer, who worked with Ray Harryhausen. Some of the shots in HELLCATS also make it into IT CAME, the movie about the bulbous, thousand-foot-long octopus, actually a sextopus in the movie, which tears down the Golden Gate Bridge. Moreover, this Reaganesque clunker is directed by Nathan Juran, whose filmography includes THE DEADLY MANTIS, ATTACK OF THE FIFTY-FOOT WOMAN and the Harryhausen pictures TWENTY MILLION MILES TO EARTH, THE SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD and THE FIRST MEN IN THE MOON. All this is actually of great interest to some of us. You know who you are, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies... eh? Lastly, we drag things out with a co-presentation of the lugubrious British comedy, CARRY ON SCREAMING. You know, the one with "Oddbod." And this carries us on (heh, heh) to the end,

December 28, 2018 10:00pm
WHY DIDN'T JOHNNY APPLESEED (September 26, 1774 – March 18, 1845), a.k.a. Jonathan Chapman, ever get married? As every schoolboy knows, or probably doesn't have an inkling these days, Mr. Appleseed dressed in a coffee sack, donned a saucepan for a hat and traveled barefoot. A 19th-century horticulturist who made great contributions to the westward expansion of the United States, he planted entire orchards as far west as Illinois. Though he may not have traveled down the Allegheny River on a block of ice like his folk-hero persona, Chapman, the son of a farmer, was born in Leominster, Massachusetts. He moved to Ohio at the beginning of the 19th century, bringing seeds from Pennsylvania cider presses with him and planting them along the way. The whole thing was about Cider-- hard Cider, an essential in hard-drinking America at the time, so most homes had their own small orchard. Chapman planted his orchards right along the pioneer routes, staying ahead of other orchard-planting competition-- since his obsessed, nomadic, unmarried lifestyle allowed him to cover more ground. He would then trade his seedlings with new settlers in the area so that they could grow apples for their new homes. A wife, perhaps, would have cramped his style. And few would put up with his peculiar calling, or his deliberate courting of harsh conditions. If this be Sexism, make the most of it. With the poetry of Dylan Thomas and others, Michael Peppe, Puzzling Evidence-- and KrOB.

December 21, 2018 10:00pm
AND, SO, SWIFT AWAY THE OLD YEAR PASSES. Come, ye merry lads and lasses. Cut through the cornball tinsel commercialism to encounter the on-"air" refuge of the Old Gods, not dead, but only (lightly) asleep-- and dreaming. Within the First Hour, the poetry of John Milton; later, while waiting (in vain!) for a manifestation of Michael Peppe, may his voice grow ever louder! --"The Journey of the Magi," by T.S. Eliot, performed by Dr. H. Owll. We never did get to "The Night Before Christmas..." Maybe AFTER Christmas-- who can say! Later, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB, after much exhortation to have a presence on the Show, are eventually heard. And though we couldn't get Bubba-Free Im-Ho-Pep live, we DO present one of his greatest classic rants/performances, "Living in the Tenderloin." That should be Peppe enough for most who are jones-ing for the True, the Blushful Hippocrene from this artist. A Sovereign Solstice and Sweet Saturnalia, by mooned Ashtaroth! And to all, a good night.

December 14, 2018 10:00pm
THIS FIVE-HOUR EPISODE alters, as it tends to do, when Puzzling Evidence makes his appearance ca. 11:00 PM. Later, KrOB also comes in. Those lovable so-and-sos extend the show by several hours. By then, Dr. H. Owll, tormented by lack of sleep, was barely able to participate. Before that, at Puz-Ev's suggestion, we narrated the (fairly) recent film, COWBOYS AND ALIENS. This movie was better than one might expect, with good performances from well-known actors-- Paul Dano is exceptionally good, as is Harrison Ford playing a villainous John Chisum- inspired character (perhaps-- we think of the Lincoln County Wars in this context), while Daniel Craig, always reliable, essays an outlaw performance-- the Billy the Kid in this set-up, we think. Multitudinous improbabilities aside, the script offers several surprises. Mostly from our perspective it offers the opportunity to engage in Japanese-style narration of the events, while speculating about American History, exobiology, infra-planetary exchanges, marksmanship, horsemanship and of course all sorts of other science fiction and monster movies of varying quality but permanent memory... If this is your cup of granola, O Etherettes and Rocket Rookies, please dig right in. Well, the year's almost over, isn't it? Of course, a massive Alien Incursion is predicted for July of THIS NEXT YEAR by the Church of the SubGenius. Forewarned is forearmed, eh? With poetry, pedantry and the usual re-mix of Archival Material.

December 7, 2018 10:00pm
FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW made Dr. H. Owll late to start. But we did start, and soon enjoyed two guests, Prof. C.N. and the charming Kimmie Joan. Those reprobates Puzzling Evidence and Michael Peppe, however, did not show and had to be simulated by archival excerpts. Much talk about the Road to Black Rock City, and what we found there. Four hours.

November 30, 2018 10:00pm
THIEVES climbed into the building, or a thief, singular, as Security Cam footage appears to show. And he stole valued equipment from Radio Valencia. Most particularly two thoroughbred high-end microphones. And now there are those who say the Napoleon of Crime, Mister Karen Carpenter, a.k.a. Emanuel Goldstein, masterminded the heist. Further it is alleged that we, the much-suspicioned "Night People," willingly aided and abetted. No kidding-- that's what they say. The purloined Mikes reside at Reloadio, they say. Well, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show gives this issue a most thorough examination and analysis. With psychedelic glossolalia and echo chambers of looping, and general hilarity. Wheee! We're synthesizing, fusing with Reloadio here. Before that, before Puzzling Evidence and, later, KrOB came in, we... well, we were late to the studio. Started late. Stay with Robo DJ for a few beats at first when you download. "The Hashish-Eater" by Clark Ashton Smith is read by Dr, H, Owll. Eventually, Puzzo and KrOB turn what remains of the show into their own version of... Nose Hair Lint Gland...

November 23, 2018 10:00pm
PLUTONIUM, A FINE WHITE POWDER certainly not to be confused with the element (Pu) but a substance collected on an expedition to the Outer Solar System. Clark Ashton Smith's story tells what happens-- and what can happen --if you take it. This begins our show, and you can also hear it with a different musical accompaniment here: on PseudoPod 591. There also may you hear, audacious Explorer, Dr. H. Owll's rendition of Smith's THE HASHISH-EATER. Dylan Thomas was also there at the beginning, and an a-Capella rendition of some Old French Songs. At Eleven we admitted Puzzling Evidence, and gradually continued our colloquy. Traces persist after the Anthem, but after we faded away Robo-DJ failed singularly; even Puzzling Evidence was unable to pinpoint the problem. A wave of infinite darkness, unfathomable and final, settled over Radio Valencia.

November 16, 2018 10:00pm
AS AN EXPERIMENT, we ran the next of our group of recordings of Clark Ashton Smith's stories. The source seemed to be at a lower volume; we tried amplification but perhaps it was somewhat muffled by the incidental music? Hard to tell from our end. Followed next an excerpt from our INVISIBLE CITIES recorded series, the first a genuine Calvino (Italo), the second one by Dr. H. Owll that we slipped in. Thanks again, Dr. Fiasco! And later, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB appeared in the recently violated studio and eventually began affecting, then controlling the output. Enjoy these while they last, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies. The auto-destruction of what is called Radio Valencia is a most likely possibility; digital chains, more curtailing exponentially than the guardian Kisi App, seem ready to bind us to a complete halt. Well, we've had a good run. Download these things while they're here-- there's talk of removing all these posted episodes to throw off the scent of our pursuers, as an animal caught in a trap will sometimes chew off its own foot. Four hours of (mostly) yaks and laffs.

November 9, 2018 10:00pm
DR. HAL HAD TO MEET A FRIEND AT THE AIRPORT, and Puzzling Evidence came in with KrOB to maintain a live presence on Ask Dr. Hal! And so they did, even as the station became ringed about with dangers and troubles. Now digital gremlins may bring the glorious enterprise to a premature and unwanted conclusion; until then we can only continue. Meanwhile, Duckburg's most notorious criminal gang made surreptitious entrance to the premises, making off with microphones and other essential studio equipment. Despite all, we prevail-- for now. For five full hours. Enjoy the mind-breaking Special Effects.

November 2, 2018 10:00pm
NINE DAYS AFTER the Full of the Moon, Lycanthropic back-up Puzzling Evidence was still somewhat "wolf-y." He subdued his howls and created an amazing five-hour synthesis. There's more than a chance that Radio Valencia will have to retreat down the Exit Corridor of History, following the Dodo & the Dinosaur. But even if so, these are great days (& nights), as our night-blooming Show expands to full efflorescence. No humans were harmed during the fabrication & creation of this show. During that, yes, but we're not talking about the PODCAST, are we? Well, develop a thick skin. Let the Show engulf you in waves only to bounce off its invulnerable, impenetrable exterior. You'll live. This one's five hours, remember. In the meantime, distracted "Doc" Hal will return when he can...

October 26, 2018 10:00pm
THANKS TO The Brazilian Astronaut, crackerjack recording engineer "Kiko" Aumond, we were at last able to debut some of our recording of the work of the late Clark Ashton Smith which earlier this year we did for Pseudo Pod... these readings can be found online, but we presented them with newly added musical effects. More to come from that quarter... Then, near 11:00 PM, we welcomed Puzzling Evidence and Michael Peppe; the results may be heard here-- INCLUDING an unfortunate gap when the station went completely dark after an episode of "flailing" from our exuberant guest. Fortunately (for our tenancy at Radio Valencia) Dr. H. Owll was able to trace the problem and re-boot the station. But it was a close thing. Sunt lacrimae rerum, eh? Next week, a re-run, at least for part of the time, as we must be elsewhere and elsewhen. This show: four hours.

October 19, 2018 10:00pm
...UNABLE TO ACCEPT that the lush primeval jungles have been replaced by the angular mechanisms of industrial civilization. So did Dr. H. Owll feel himself to be, several times during the presentation. Some "looping" does occur. Mechanical repetition opposes spontaneity and creative freedom. On the other hand, formal limitations are God's gift to the creative artist. And so, right after the initial hour, Puzzling Evidence in came, eventually to speak through a microphone and add thereby to the lustre of our performance. An incursion from Pete Goldie's Reloadio sidetracked the genteel converse avec echoes, delays and other, similar tropes. An extra hour is added-- the casual after-effect of the show. You can't call it real sophistication. All in all, four hours in duration.

October 12, 2018 10:00pm
PERIPATETIC QUONDAM GUEST DR. PENNY accepts our hospitality. The Trump-loving Angelena is a SubGenius fellow-traveler from SoCal's realms; she asked several questions and the clink of coins exchanging hands was heard. Archival sources, poems of Dylan Thomas, the music of Robbie Basho-- these flavored the session. Puzzling Evidence later appeared and we hooked up the equipment to narrate (yet) another Monster Movie. Although classic Bulldada is considered the purest and best by discriminating practitioners of SubGenial scientific criticism, since originating before the Knowing Age it is assumed to manifest the best aesthesis, allegory, poetic narrative and prophetic wisdom, unclouded by self-referential symbolism, the night's exercise ably demonstrated that the secret slackful illumination can come in even along latter vectors, even from latter sources. This show's exemplar: LAVALANTULA, in which washed-up actor Steve Gutenberg plays a washed-up actor who complains when he finds out he is making a movie about giant bugs (sounding the self-referential note). In the story, but not in the fictive film-within-a-film, volcanic activity under L.A. coughs up hideous, murderous flame-belching giant spiders. Drama, horror and hilarity ensue, assisted by cameos from other alumni of the POLICE ACADEMY series... Learned listeners will note a superficial similarity to THE BLACK SCORPION (1957), in which huge subterranean arachnids escape to the surface from their abyssal realm to terrorize rural Mexico and Mexico City. We hope the audio track makes a worthy addition to our enterprise. Four hours (and hours)...

October 5, 2018 10:00pm
STARMAN, not Jeff Bridges but Ken Utsui, the hero of a Japanese TV show, is sent by a coalition of confederated planets to stop testing of nuclear weapons on Earth. He employs the assistance of a bunch of kids, too, though invulnerable and able to fly... one shouldn't knock any aid one can get from the rising generation. Can that be the subtext of the strange plot of ATOMIC RULERS OF THE WORLD (1964)? The 9 films featuring Starman, a.k.a. Super Giant, though in ATOMIC RULERS he does not exhibit his additional power of expansion, like Marvel's Ant-Man when he becomes Giant Man, were purchased for distribution to U.S. television and edited, if that's the word, into 4 episodes by cut-rate Walter Manley Enterprises and low-rent Medallion Films. The basal Japanese pictures which were to become ATOMIC RULERS (by name SUPER GIANT and SUPER GIANT CONTINUES) were 49 minutes and 53 minutes in duration respectively. These two were hacked by the hackmeisters into one 83-minute entertainment. The originals, it should be said, were two parts of a complete story, but a total of 19 minutes vanished during the re-editing, dropping essential backstory and plot elements from both. And it was also at this time most of the original music was scrapped and replaced by library cues. That, in less-than-glorious smeary, blurry black-and-white is what we, Dr. H. Owll and Puzzling Evidence, narrated. BUT the amount of degradation present, though to be aesthetically regretted, only adds luster to the divine SubGenius concept of BULLDADA. You see, to SubGeniuses, the more infimal the cultural product may appear, the greater likelihood of profundity in its essence. We suppose this axiom should be iterated now and then. All this came after we began, featuring SubGenius Archival material (from X-Day XXI) and preceded by Dr. H. Owll's recitation, to the music of Robbie Basho, of Dylan Thoma's "The Long-Ago Seabird Rises." 3 hours.

September 28, 2018 10:00pm
...ADMIT IMPEDIMENT. LOVE is not love which alters when it alteration finds... Except, for a cautionary lesson, in the 1958 motion picture I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE, directed and produced by Gene Fowler Jr. The Psychotronic Encyclopedia says of this one, "An overlooked, well-made science fiction hit that should appeal especially to women." On her wedding night, raven-haired Gloria Talbot discovers that her new husband (eerily slender Tom Tryon) is actually an "alien monster." And no one will believe her! Except the cops and the avuncular Chief of Police, already all taken over. Yes, the invasion is at this point quite successful. The fake humans are simulacra-- the real ones are floating, suspended in the concealed saucer, alive but attached to wires plugged into "glowing white orbs." As they say, the course of true love never did run smooth. On the Show, we narrate this film, about which, and about the institution of marriage, our feelings have not changed over the years. Puzzling Evidence is on hand, as is KrOB, though the latter is never heard, we think. Well sir, these here aliens from (really) far away (Andromeda) had their germ plasm irradiated by a stellar catastrophe. OUR sun would never do a thing like that to us. Not our good old steady-state dwarf star. But these poor aliens, masters of genetic manipulation, only need some intimacy with human females-- though they resemble, according to the Psychotronic Encyclopedia, "mutated rhubarb." At the climax (of the film, natch-- Spoiler Alert!) a mob of Normals wrecks the alien craft and unleashes (literally) Earth's most deadly protection against extraterrestrials-- lunging, woofing German Shepherds. These bounding, marauding mastiffs cruelly rip and tear the (sympathetic) invaders, causing them to expire in disgusting torrents of flowing slime. Gloria gets her bozo husband back, truthfully not nearly as nice as the sensitive, thoughtful space monster she's been shacked up with. Well, that's showbiz! With crawling clouds of black smoke, disintegrator beams, Ken Lynch and "Slapsy" Maxie Rosenbloom. But wait-- there's more! We segue, courtesy of Puzzo, into THE CREATURE WITH THE ATOM BRAIN (1955). Alas, we run out of time while narrating this programmer from Columbia Pictures. All in all, a grand night out. Some problems with the equipment at the beginning. Three hours.

September 21, 2018 10:00pm
BOTS, SOMEHOW WE GOT IN to the ol' Radio Valencia Studio without the Kisi (smek! smek!) or any other by-Our-Lady "App," thanks be to Dobbs. And there we did something that's rare, a solo show from the git-go. Avec poetry of Dylan Thomas, Clark Ashton Smith, Charles Kingsley, Ruth Stone. Talked a lot 'bout this n' that. Then we left that habitat. "Radio" c'est Where it's At. Smell the flowers. 3 hours.

September 14, 2018 10:00pm
HOME IS THE SAILOR, HOME FROM SEA-- the Sea of Dust, that is-- and the Hunter home from the Hill, by which we mean, in the scheme of things, a hill of beans. Well, you had to be there. And we make no apologies at the present time. All in all, it's good to be back. Yet we feel, in this atypical year, we might have to make another trip or two after all. Until then, this episode; another miraculous penetration past the obdurate Kisi App into full studio freedom. With (eventually) Michael Peppe and Puzzling Evidence. 240 action-packed, hard-hitting minutes and a spectacular conclusion...

August 17, 2018 10:00pm
IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, particularly the Dwarf Planet Pluto and its companion body, Charon-- these among other matters were featured in the discussion. With the loquacious Michael Peppe. Extra show, extra music... this is one of those episodes that continues on and on, anon-- in this case, for five hours. Also with Puzzling Evidence. But now off to Burning Man. We'll be back, after a while...

August 10, 2018 10:00pm
TAKING UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF, a guest-less show explores various incarnations of the voluptuously horrible. Avoiding the heavy gravitational field of rival ReLoadio, we re-established our orbit after being absent (X-Day, Starwood, Kiloquah) for a month and a week. The next disruption will be during the Burning Man iteration of 2018, but a Reserve Officer is expected to take the helm. Meanwhile, this show features, in addition to audio from the relevant Hours of Slack-- sent us by I. Stang from this year's X-Day-- poetry of J.R.R. Tolkien, Kenneth Rexroth-- thanks, Jack Mellender! --and the late Ruth Stone. NEXT WEEK: Some guests-- for sure!

June 22, 2018 10:00pm
SIGNS, WONDERS AND PORTENTS, STRANGE STELLAR CONFIGURATIONS and other unmistakable hints by the Cosmos are there, for those who can read them-- A great disturbance in the Noosphere is clearly coming. This is the last podcast of Dr. H. Owll for awhile; he goes to Ohio, New Jersey and New York for the next tumultuous period. This episode also features KrOB and Puzzling Evidence, together with poems by Dylan Thomas and others.

June 15, 2018 10:00pm
STARTING WITH FLIGHTS OF FANCY, and then veering to a narration of the vintage motion picture, HITLER, DEAD OR ALIVE. You see, these (U.S.) gangsters go over to Germany, capture Hitler and shave off his mustache and forelock. He keeps telling the SS, "I'm Hitler!" and they just beat him up. A cinematic curiosity (1942) in which Ward Bond is the best-known name in the cast. Before that, before Puzzling Evidence appeared and brought in the movie, there were poems, reminiscences and speculations. More on GWANGI-- but then Puzzling came through the studio door...

June 8, 2018 10:00pm
THREE HOURS OF MIXED EDITS AND LIVE performance are delivered here. Rioting sports fans in the streets nearly prevented this show from being. Past them, even past the loathsome Kisi App (smek! smek!) we managed to penetrate to bring this particular episode to you, Etherettes, and you, Rocket Rookies. For the mechanically minded, and for others. Poems of Dylan Thomas, Clark Ashton Smith and additional favorites.

June 1, 2018 10:00pm
THE EARTHWORM, THE GOLD BEETLE, the wise Emmet dance around the Wine-presses of Luvah. The Centipede is there. The Ground Spider with many Eyes... The Ambitious Spider in her sullen Web, the lucky golden Spinner. The Earwig, arm'd. The tender Maggot, Emblem of Immortality. The Flea, Louse, Bug, Tape-worm, all the Armies of Disease, visible or invisible to the slothful vegetating Man. The slow Slug, the Grass-hopper that Sings and Drinks and Laughs-- Winter comes; he folds his slender Bones without a Murmur. The cruel Scorpion is there. The Gnat, the Wasp, the Hornet and the Honey-bee. The Toad and venomous Newt, the Serpent clad in gems and gold-- they throw off their gorgeous Raiment, they rejoice in loud Jubilee, dancing round the Wine-presses of Luvah, naked and drunk with Wine.

May 25, 2018 10:00pm
MORE THAN FOUR AND A HALF HOURS in the Studio, eventually hosting Jett, Puzzling Evidence and Michael Peppe, we touched on multiple subjects with an eye toward X-Day and other onrushing future events. You can't call in. We no longer even have a Studio Phone at RV, by the way, folks, since the practice of taking "on-the-air" calls does not seem viable to most at the station in the "Selfie" Era, or perhaps seems simply passe. But the Chatterbox often appears to fill in for this former link to the simultaneous outside world, and ideally, we are able to respond to requests and suggestions. First part of the show (the first two hours): THE ADVENTURES OF TARZAN. Poems, re-mixes, speculation on subjects literary, folkloric and scientific. The Paleontology Report. Second part of the show (starting around Midnight): CHRISTMAS MORNING as Jett attempts to give away numerous treasures; gift after gift is proffered and, sadly, in some cases refused, since storage space is now so precious in Ron Conway's Baghdad By The Bay...

May 18, 2018 10:00pm
PUZZLING EVIDENCE AND MICHAEL J. PEPPE are guests on this episode, which also partakes of more Reloadio (see last week's show), "an odd cast for a Podcast." Poems, songs, expostulations-- layering new mixes of older presentations in the accustomed style all the while --these apparently comprise a formula to increase listeners at show-time, according to our in-studio detection equipment. Thanks to Mister Beau Dayshus, we achieved ingress despite all the Crap about the App. We will do everything we can to avoid a repetition of our involuntary no-show in recent days, and hope eventually to beard the Kisi App in its lair. After the Anthem, post-Show continues for nearly an hour. We welcome all guests.

The shortened URLs to link automatically to REloadio streaming
players are as follows:


* Winamp, iTunes, VLC
* Windows Media Player
* Real Player
* QuickTime

Also, a modicum of listener interaction is available through the
listener's web browser: (which is the same as

May 11, 2018 10:00pm
BACK TO RADIO VALENCIA FOR SOME PURE, UNADULTERATED SHOW-- and it isn't as if we didn't try to resume podcasting last week. No, we came, we tried-- but just couldn't get into the !??@#$%?!! over-automated building. That requires the perfect application of a series of digital electronic protocols. Nothing worked, no help was available-- so, we had to go sadly home. But this week-- yes, this week was different. Lahat hahereb hammithppeket was on duty, but we did, nonetheless, pass the flame of the whirling sword-- this time. While reloadio went out that evening, so did we. Hear the sensation of cross-pollination re-establish our old Station. Puzzling Evidence sits in for a bit.

April 27, 2018 5:00pm
AND THE LAST re-run of this series, unfortunately necessitated by the live version of Ask Dr. Hal! going on at Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, more commonly known as Chicken John's Warehouse. Soon to be a memory, seen dwindling in the rear-view mirror. For there will never be another version of that show in that location. Now, the next hurdle is to see if we can get into the building past bristly obstructing electronics. If so, our standard fare will return.

April 20, 2018 10:00pm
THIS PODCAST, FROM JANUARY 19th of this year, was the first we managed after successfully entering the building according to what were the previously un-surmounted electronic protocols. We prevailed! But, now... Ah, well a-day! There is no getting in; had we any hopes of later ingress we would add to these replays as we had intended, coming to the Building immediately following the Live Show, the Friday night performance of ASK DR. HAL! now running, still, at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret down on Cesar Chavez. Such was the plan-- but the tendency of systems to elaborate upon themselves on their own has, through gradual degrees, erected an impenetrable barrier to our passage. The live ASK DR. HAL! will run for one final Friday night; then we must, only then we can-- hustle to tussle with the Kisi App and all its pestilential proliferating gremlins. During the run of a live show such combat exceeds our reach, we're here to tell you. Well, folks, we've been selling out the live show. If you're going, get your tickets now. This won't happen again for another year. And, confidentially, it'll NEVER play at CHEZ POULET AGAIN. You read it here first. And, in May, somehow, in the later Spring, we will prevail against the Dragon. Somehow...

April 13, 2018 10:00pm
THE LIVE SHOW CONTINUES, but we've had terrible luck in getting in after that's over to do a little live podcasting as planned. Can't get into the building, the Kisi App does not work for some reason. We hope to fix it when the run ends this month. Please have faith-- we'll be back!

April 6, 2018 10:00pm
ORIGINALLY PODCAST February 16th of this year, this is a re-run of Episode #29099. The live show of Ask Dr. Hal! began on the 6th and took place during the show's podcast hours. There are three more of these live shows remaining at Chicken John's famed Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, located on Cesar Chavez near Mission. Showtime is 9:00 PM. It was our intention to put these re-runs in place while the live shows were happening, and then travel, after the end of the performance, to Radio Valencia, and there provide new material, which would then be experienced by the listener after a few hours of the re-run. This time, however, after-hours podcasting happened instead on Pete Goldie's Reloadio. We will try to follow through and join the in-progress re-run next time on Friday, April 13th, if luck holds...

March 30, 2018 10:00pm
NO GUESTS appeared as special archival material was presented and mixed anew. Prefigured: The Saint Stupid's Day Parade, with ruminations by Bishop Joey Himself. Clark Ashton Smith and Italo Calvino (as performed by Dr. H. Owll to Doc Fiasco's Sound Mix) bracket the presentation. Three and a half hours, or thereabouts. The live Ask Dr. Hal! Show is on the way; re-runs will appear, ideally to be super-ceded at their ends by post-performance roistering.

March 23, 2018 10:00pm
FIVE HOURS. Can you take it? Starting with the standard show and recitations (Charles Kingsley's "The Sands o' Dee," Tennessee Williams's "How Tranquilly the Olive Branch" and so forth), the arrival of Puzzling Evidence (silent throughout the show) and Michael Peppe (voluble throughout) sets the whole megilla in magnum motion. And we have some talk about the Undead, e.g. Vampires... Oh, we tread again over pre-treaded ground-- some of that is inevitable with this format-- but, just as inevitably, the birth-cry of newly whelped synthesis is heard, at first faintly and then at deafening volume, especially as Peppe strives once again to manage the more than formidable task of Reading the Chatterbox...

March 16, 2018 10:00pm
THE ORIGINAL MEMPHIS, that is. The ancient capital of Aneb-Hetch, in Lower Egypt, whose ruins are located near the town of Mit Rahina, 12 miles south of present-day Giza. Before the rise of Alexandria, the city, at the mouth of the Nile Delta, was the Capital of Egypt during the Old Kingdom, under the protection of the god Ptah, the patron of craftsmen. Its great temple, Hut-ka-Ptah (meaning "Enclosure of the ka of Ptah"), was one of the most prominent structures in the city, back (way, way back) in the day. Now, the name of this temple, rendered in Greek as Ai-gy-ptos by the historian Manetho, is actually believed to be the etymological origin of the modern English name, Egypt. And we're here to tell you this belief is correct. Yes, Dr. H. Owll and Puzzling Evidence time-trip together under the Double Diadem of Mighty Egypt, until OUR time runs out-- near the three-hour mark. No Michael Peppe, unfortunately. Before that, we follow The Last Oblivion, by Clark Ashton Smith, with a more spotty recitation, about 95% worth-- maybe a little more, of John Milton's Il Penseroso, first found in the 1645/1646 Quarto volume of verses, THE POEMS OF MR. JOHN MILTON, Both English and Latin, published by Humphrey Moseley. The Ghost of Dr. Penny smooths down the edges of the rough spots. Don't miss the upcoming, onrushing LIVE night club show, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, in April at the famed Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, otherwise known as Chicken John's Warehouse. It's on Fridays, meaning a month of re-runs (until WE get there after the show, if we can, and take over...)

March 9, 2018 10:00pm
SURPRISE GUEST DR. PENNY, fresh from proselytizing on behalf of the Church in other locales, returns to Radio Valencia. Also present: Puzzling Evidence. Not, however, Michael Peppe this time, though we shall have more of him anon. The alarm went off in the building again. Questions from far-flung fans. Poetry, pedantry. Listed as five hours, though realistically more like four and a half. The Live Show is coming soon!

March 2, 2018 10:00pm
INTRODUCTORY poems. Archival material from a remote period. Puzzling Evidence and Peppe arrive. Animated cartoons of the past. Clampett's Daffy the best. A Generation generated Animation. Sir Thomas Browne gave evidence at a witchcraft trial. His *Pseudodoxica Epidemica.* G. K. Chesterton's *The Celestial Omnibus.* Commentary on the political landscape. Puzzling pipes in his own music track. Peppe reads the Chatterbox. The alarm in the building goes off. It all goes for five and a half hours.

February 23, 2018 10:00pm
THE RIGHT REVEREND DOKTOR MOTHER MILLER was in town, and joined Dr. H.Owll on the Podcast. Some of these sessions approach the provision of needed catharsis-- WE are improved by them, though others may be more indifferent. In this virtuous Voyage let not disappointment cause Despondency, nor difficulty Despair: think not that you are sailing from Lima to Manillia, wherein thou may'st tye up the Rudder, and sleep before the Wind; but expect rough Seas, Flaws and contrary Blasts; and 'tis well if by many cross Tacks and Veerings thou arrivest at thy Port. Sit not down in the popular Seats and common Level of Virtues, but endeavour to make them Heroical. Anyhow, later Puzzling Evidence, Michael Peppe and even KrOB were here, or at least near... Here's the download on the down-low from our abode. Five irreplaceable hours.

February 16, 2018 10:00pm
IN THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY of Kennaquhair, whose latitude is 91 degrees north and longitude 181 degrees west, Archimedes the owl, familiar spirit of Merlin, brings the future King Arthur, a boy also transformed into an owl, to the presence of the goddess Athene. There, in the luminous hollow of a tree stump blasted by lightning and whittled clean by the winds of knowledge, the birds alight on the outstretched hands of the invisible goddess. They are shown, through accelerated Time, first the lives of the trees at a rate of thirty years in a minute, then the lives of the rocks at two million years a second. We also feature the poetry of Clark Ashton Smith and W.S. Merwin. Puzzling Evidence appears; we watch and narrate FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER. It is not a happy meeting. The alarm goes off in the building and the police come, but don't enter the studio.

February 9, 2018 10:00pm
THE AUTOMATED DOORS were off on another self-examination jag when we approached the perimeter. The CPU, or central ganglion of the building, was occupied mentally with private concerns. So the alarm was triggered-- by correct safety procedures observed, not breached. It took about five minutes for the processing brain to rise from its private deep ruminations and catch on. Then the correction was made and the jangling of the alarm was replaced by blessed silence. The Police never came, fortunately. Nor, less so, did any visitor or promised guest. But, what the hell? This thing practically flies itself. Three cobbled-together hours.

February 2, 2018 10:00pm
SPECULATION on the legends of prehistoric faunal survival in recent times, yes, that's in there, and different ways of rendering one's self invisible. The poetry of Dylan Thomas comes and goes. And guests also come; KrOB, Spy, Orrin, Puzzling Evidence and even Michael Peppe pay a call. The newly acquired electronics actually did open the outer door, by George! --and the portal rolled open. Perhaps a new era beckons after all. The progressive scientific views of British paleontologist Horace Terrence Bromley (1845-1912) receive credit on the program. Archival material includes the mating rituals of slugs. A little after the half hour past 2:00 AM the podcast concludes (the rest of the download provided by RV;s own beloved Robo DJ). Perhaps--- who can say? --our next time will feature the widely anticipated narration presentation of FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER.

January 26, 2018 10:00pm
THE BAT, THAT FLITS at Close of Eve, Has left the Brain that won't Believe. --Wm. Blake. Yea, our fourth Show in the New Studio, this time with guests... First, after initial pedantry and poetry (Dylan Thomas), we bring on Rusty Rebar, the poet and self-styled "all-gay rodeo clown," with ambrosial poet Sugar, creator of sweet poetic confections. After recitations, we bring on another guest, KPFA's and RV's own Puzzling Evidence. We hear there's some kid out there on the radio calling himself Puzzling Evidence. Don't believe it! This one's the genuine article, about whom the David Byrne song was written, in fact. "Puzzo" and Dr, H. Owll chew the metaphorical fat for awhile, Rebar and Sugar make their adieus-- then we segue to a narrated movie on-show, reconstituting the Ask Dr. Hal! tradition. This is THE RETURN OF DRACULA, a most interesting entry... Discussion of the associated powers of Vampirism comes into it naturally, naturlich. This 1958 film features sinister Francis Lederer as Dracula. The female lead, Rachel, is played by blonde, English-accented Norma Eberhardt. It's elegantly filmed in black-and-white (though there is an unsettling color shot, only seconds long, of red blood fountaining when the vampire hunters drive a stake into the Undead former poor little blind girl Jennie Blake [Virginia Vincent] an unpleasant surprise for the viewer). Back in the day, this was released on a double bill with THE FLAME BARRIER. Real exterior locations are used for the setting of Carleton, California, though the familiar Bronson Canyon Cave, Ro-Man's hang-out, is also employed. All this takes us an extra hour, and we put off the pleasure of narrating FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER to another show.
When shown on American television, this picture was titled CURSE OF DRACULA. In the UK it was released theatrically as THE FANTASTIC DISAPPEARING MAN. The picture, Vampirically Correct in most significant details, had the misfortune to come out the very same year that the great Christopher Lee single-handedly re-started the horror cycle with his dynamic portrayal of the Undead Count in THE HORROR OF DRACULA (U.S. title). But it has a certain integrity, as we discovered... Three hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds of this. Yes, we played the Anthem, but you won't hear it.

January 19, 2018 10:00pm
POETRY AND THEOLOGY pricked us on. No guest shared the new Studio, solely occupied. In the three hours, Dylan Thomas and Negativland added thought to the topic. And it seemed we began to register, even though minutely, on the graph; tremors of interest detected by our subtle and far-reaching equipment, were certified on the home screen. So minor the ripple, but the ultimate consequence as it expends itself remains unknown. The voices in your head are real and require your attention.

January 12, 2018 10:00pm
PAST WARDS AND LOCKS, past gates and metal doors, Past stairs and hallways and past lower floors, Past passwords, codes and algorithms wound The simple business of arrival round, Past sensors ready to provoke alarms, Past electronics woven thick as charms, Past barriers like a maze, or like a test, Past watchful dragons, those which never rest, We managed once again to get inside And spread our message outward, far and wide. And Spy was there, our first official guest, A visitor to our new, high-up nest. Three hours of Show are here, if you download-- Perhaps next time we'll learn to use the Code.

January 5, 2018 10:00pm
AND LO, THE FIRST SHOW IN THE NEW PLACE somehow did happen, although Cult of the Portable Device problems with electronic doodads and doohickeys nearly kept it from transpiring. Yet, a way around the overcomplicated contraptoids was found after all, however, and no dingfutzers, gizmos, widgets or whatchamacallits were able to succeed in preventing the first Ask Dr. Hal! Podcast "Radio" Show from meeting its appointment with Destiny. At least, ultimately they didn't succeed. At the start, though, our struggle against them did actually result in an unprecedented 14-minute gap, it must be admitted. Then, after almost a quarter of an hour, as you can hear, we got going and performed the rest of our allotted three hours. A poetry-heavy show with interspersed mixes and ruminations. No guests are featured. Just fast-forward for 14 minutes or so.

December 22, 2017 10:00pm
YES, I'M REALLY the Last of the Do-dos. Since you ask. Assuming you have any real and genuine interest. And Radio Valencia is indeed moving. We're going to try to keep rolling, to provide some kind of continuity here. Perhaps it will be seamless. Alternatively, there may be a delay. This show may be the last five hours we ever performed in the (gutted, stripped) Old Studio. With KrOB on the job, Puzzling Evidence in residence and Dr. H. Owll still not throwing in the towel. For now.

December 15, 2017 10:00pm
OPENING ON THE FOAM Of perilous seas, in Faerie lands forlorn. Or, in our case as we enjoy the last nights in the old studio in the El Dorado Building overlooking Mission Street, opening on the spectacle of Bruno's, where the night life is always churning. We hope, ideally, to go beyond the world and its concerns, with strains of music and poetry, with parody and laughter, with philosophical speculation. And these high aims, though even often served, nonetheless tumble from time to time-- some would say, most of the time, into greasy tropes of filth and imbecility. Well, that's show-biz. With Jett, Spy Emerson, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, Dr. H. Owll and the Flail of the Lord, Michael Peppe. A force of Nature is Mr. Peppe. He understandeth not what he doth, nor careth. And the flailing disconnecteth and damageth the studio equipment. At least we did six hours. It began with the poetry of Clark Ashton Smith, moving then to a discussion of Slime Molds. All good and proper. But then...

December 8, 2017 10:00pm
WE EXPERIMENT ONCE AGAIN WITH THE NARRATION of a film; in this case INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN, that 1957 exercise in paranoia within a "teen" film-- also called INVASION OF THE HELL CREATURES. We maintained, or perhaps only tried to maintain, during a flailing guest free-for-all, that popularly enjoyed entertainments of their time, like INVASION, inculcated fears which became solidly cemented as folk belief. Here such fears are prompted by repeated scenes of Air Force men blowing up the saucer and covering it up (with shovels), all the while remarking, "It's a good thing those civilians don't know we're out here covering all this stuff up." Later the same speaker goes on to remark, "Y'know, we're just one team out here hiding this evidence. Just think how many teams like ours are out this minute hiding other stuff we can't let the public know about!" And so, this scenario gradually percolates into the lexicon of public belief. Of course, no one pays any attention to INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN. No one, that is, except true-blue SubGeniuses who know the value of top-grade Bulldada. It was only then that we moved to THIS ISLAND EARTH, and, still later, the immortal EEGAH! With Jett, Michael Peppe, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB, even after the sun comes up...

December 1, 2017 10:00pm
AN AWFUL, SPASMODIC START, when abruptly confronted with a maddeningly re-wired "board" and all equipment out of adjustment. Scratchy stops. Starts. But we get under weigh. The book is finished. And then... Dr. H. Owll is a minister of the Church of the SubGenius and yet legitimate, by virtue of a special legal dispensation. Yes, he has ecclesiastical authority, and has legally married many couples. And it was Puzzling Evidence who suggested he perform the ENTIRE Anglican Marriage Service on the Show. And lo, this happened. A new lo. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve and keep you; the Lord mercifully with His Favour look upon you; and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting. Amen. Also with Jett and Krob in attendance. Michael Peppe was too fatigued after his day at work as a medical experimental subject to come in. Only 3 more of these at the Old Station, or perhaps, in other circumstances, fewer.

November 24, 2017 10:00pm
RADIO VALENCIA will soon close its doors at its present location in the famed El Dorado Building, evicted in favor of a more high-paying tenant-- a Karate studio. Hii-Yah! In the beginning of Twenty-ought Eighteen, we'll be setting up our new digs in a far more low-rent spot, replacing comfortable luxury with gritty, urban necessity. O Tempora, O Mores! It may take a bit before we can actually put out any new shows from The Hub (our new pad, Dad). At least by that time we should have finished our chapter-by-chapter reading of James Thurber's novel of enchantment and frozen Time, THE 13 CLOCKS. We just presented Chapter Seven! Prince Zorn of Zorna battles the army of the cold Duke's dreaded Guards, including Krang, the strongest. Meanwhile, the Princess Saralinda, with the aid of the Golux, actually manages to start some of the frozen clocks. One more chapter-- and the Epilogue-- remain. We'll just get it done before the chaos and interruption begin. Well, here you go-- FIVE HOURS of natter and palaver, featuring Dr. H. Owll, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence. Download these last shows; they're going fast! Also featuring the poetry of Clark Ashton Smith and others. Special added attraction: Dr. H. Owll sings the ENTIRE Butternut Bread song! Wow, Gang!

November 17, 2017 10:00pm
INSIDE, within the most civilized and urbane exterior, one may expect to find that unbridled, chimpanzee-like egotism and rage, capable of malice and violence, all forms of destructiveness. This is what we on the Show seek to banish. We are a philosophical symposium of peaceable Enlightenment, to which no subject is considered too "sensitive." Our Listeners know this, or seem to. Still, without conflict, where can there be any interest? --one may wonder. Well, Sir or Madam, the WHOLE MEGILLA is in conflict with the aims and power of the Conspiracy. But we (and the entire Church of the SubGenius) shall prevail, as we have long anticipated and expected. Three hundred minutes, if you have the time, featuring Dr. H. Owll, Michael Peppe, Jett, Puzzling Evidence (silent though present) and KrOB. Lively was the Chatterbox during this lengthy outing.

November 10, 2017 10:00pm
SHE WAS A GORDIAN SHAPE of dazzling hue, Vermilion-spotted, golden, green, and blue; Striped like a zebra, freckled like a pard, Eyed like a peacock, and all crimson barr’d; And full of silver moons, that, as she breathed, Dissolv’d, or brighter shone, or interwreathed Their lustres with the gloomier tapestries— So rainbow-sided, touch’d with miseries, She seem’d, at once, some penanced lady elf, Some demon’s mistress, or the demon’s self. Upon her crest she wore a wannish fire Sprinkled with stars, like Ariadne’s tiar: Her head was serpent, but ah, bitter-sweet! She had a woman’s mouth with all its pearls complete: And for her eyes: what could such eyes do there, But weep, and weep, that they were born so fair? --As Proserpine still weeps for her Sicilian air. Her throat was serpent, but the words she spake Came, as through bubbling honey, for Love’s sake, And thus; while Hermes on his pinions lay, Like a stoop’d falcon ere he takes his prey. Three hundred minutes with Jett, Michael Peppe and Puzzling Evidence, in the soon-to-vanish Radio Valencia Redoubt.

November 3, 2017 10:00pm
JETT AND PUZZLING EVIDENCE were present, though the latter was infrequently heard owing to the scarcity of usable microphones. And we hashed it all out. We chewed the fat. We kicked the old can around. We spun some yarn. We burnished some legends. Well, it was pharmaceutically augmented. Just the thing for such a fling. Note the extra hour.

October 27, 2017 10:00pm
STUDIO GUEST MICHAEL PEPPE and a mostly silent Puzzling Evidence (they had only one working microphone between them) yak, palaver, hob-nob and otherwise confer as they look into the Deep Abysm of Time. With a special added extra hour, bringing it all to four hrs. in toto. More of THE THIRTEEN CLOCKS, more poetry of Dylan Thomas. Excerpted: SubGenius Movie confab with Night of Slack Nurse Kelly. Apocalyptic musings. With the Buffalo Bill Circus Orchestra and the T. J. Breckenridge Wild West Show Extravaganza...

October 20, 2017 10:00pm
RIGHT REVEREND MOTHER DOKTOR MILLER, our Special Guest for this episode, joins with Puzzling Evidence and Dr. H.Owll for a thorough treatment of significant issues, while, ordained by the Gods, beautiful music is heard. Don't expect to hear the National Anthem at the end-- we never played it. The whole thing is some four hours long, all you dementedly devoted fans. Hallelujahgobble!

October 13, 2017 10:00pm
THE SUBGENIUS MOVIE is under way-- look for it to appear in 2019. And we do discuss it, Puzzling Evidence, Nurse Kelly (from the original Night of Slack!) and Yrs. Truly. Oh, how we travel up strange byways. This episode is of special interest to Those Etherettes and Rocket Rookies who lust to hear what goes on Behind the Curtain, in... the Inner, Inner Ring. Three (3) hours, with NO concluding Anthem. Just SubGenius palaver. NEXT WEEK: Rev. Dr. Mother Miller, amid a bevy of stars!

October 6, 2017 10:00pm
SLAVE SHIPS OF SATURN. METAL MURDERERS OF MARS. Vampire Vagrants of Venus. Skeleton Men of Jupiter. Actually, in the latter case, they APPEAR to be skeletons, but actually are not. As mentioned on this broad (Pod) -cast, they DO have bodies, but these are more or less transparent-- sometimes you can see, when looking at the Morgors (their name for themselves) a cloudy form, including, when you look closer, half-digested food in the intestines... Ick! Eeww! Perhaps you wouldn't want to look closer. Anyway, they (Jovian Skeleton Men) are, from all known accounts, an obnoxious, racially egocentric, aggressive and fractious bunch, not really worth getting to know. Also Featuring: Jett. With the poetry of Clark Ashton Smith (1893 – 1961) and Dylan Thomas (1914 – 1953). For hours! (4 hours).

September 29, 2017 10:00pm
FLASH-THAWED BY AN ATOMIC EXPLOSION, a giant Mesozoic reptile returns. With Jett, Spy (and KrOB, silent but in attendance), and Dr. H. Owll, still battling the Croaking Syndrome of long duration. Deep Time, anyone?

September 22, 2017 10:00pm
STILL STRICKEN after more than two weeks, Dr. H. Owll manages no more than a pathetic croak, with both the upper and lower registers missing. Thank Gobbs that the faithful three, Jett, Michael Peppe and KrOB were on hand to do some of the heavy lifting. But enough is enough. Prayers to Aesculapius, solicited, arise with the smoke from beneath the tripod of the Pythoness. All that being considered, perhaps not so bad.

September 15, 2017 10:00pm
A GARRULOUS ENTRY in this Series, in which Dr. H. Owll, plied with Liquor and various Potations by his well-meaning Friends, speaks at length, and all too indiscreetly, about various Poets and Personages, living and dead. Abandoning Discretion as the Pod-cast moves through the allotted Hours, he spreads his unsolicited Opinions. Present were KrOB Sabrepop, Jett and Puzzling Evidence. It is perhaps of Interest to note here that "Dr. Howll" was not, during these Proceedings, a Well Man. Nay, he did suffer encroaching Laryngitis, and the Listener may care to compare his Voice at the start with its Croak at the Finish.

September 8, 2017 10:00pm
BACK FROM SANDSTORMS AND THE SWIRLING DUST of the super-heated Desert, Dr. Hal diverts himself with the great voices of John Milton and Clark Ashton Smith. Then Jett and roistering Michael Peppe return things to their usual state. KrOB heavily contributes... until the Anthem is played...

August 18, 2017 10:00pm
HAVING ONLY RECENTLY RETURNED FROM HIS WANDERINGS, Dr. H. Owll now must depart again, and start again his gondola. This potential download-- please go ahead --documents the evening when the familiar, long-suffering group met for his last show until Friday, the Eighth of September. Present and accounted for: KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, Michael Peppe... but no Jett! Presumably caught in a holding pattern, the multi-talented Kaiju expert was unable to make a landing. For now, until Dr. H's reappearance in these latitudes, a LIVE Krewe will carry on right in this space, to provide the faithful with necessary entertainment and enlightenment. With Special Mystery Guests-- a certain mystery at the present time. Enjoy the Podcast while Dr. H. Owll sweats and struggles in the burning sun and lifeless, unforgiving waste.

August 11, 2017 10:00pm
AFTER RETURNING AT LAST from X-Day and later travels, Dr. H. Owll was gratified to have a veritable Symposium (and that's the best kind) of towering intellects as voluble guests. One more of these, and then he makes the next arduous trip-- this one to the fabled Black Rock Desert. But the Show this time boasts a Smorgasbord of philosophic sages. We counted among these Jett, Rusty Rebar (avec fetching companion Lisbet), Sebastian Melmoth (yes, him) about to set forth on more Wanderings, Michael Peppe, KrOB the Unbelievable (couldn't get Varan on short notice) and Ralph Fielding Snell. A brief vision of Puzzling Evidence was apparently hallucinatory. Settle back and hear them go at it!

July 28, 2017 10:00pm
THE PUNDITOCRACY OF ASK DR. HAL! go at it hammer and tongs. Weighty items from the Current Events of the day are discussed and evaluated. Much breath is spent, many words rapidly articulated. Some listeners may have trouble distinguishing cynicism from sarcasm, sophistry from advanced theoretical speculation. When it all winds down, the jaws cease clattering. Dr. H. Owll himself will re-appear next week...

July 21, 2017 10:00pm
LIBELLULA, OH, LIBELLULA. De lovely Libellula! Watch her soar, watch some more, for all the good 'twill do ya. And hear the sound come reach the ground, that sound that goes right through ya. It's a genus of dragonflies, commonly called skimmers, in the family Libellulidae, distributed throughout the temperate zone of the Northern Hemisphere. And it's also a most unusual aircraft, seen here. See and hear Puzzling Evidence and the Krewe as they produce Synasthetic images through the pure Power of Suggestion.

July 15, 2017 1:00am
THE WEIRD INSECTS THAT APPEARED last year at the Burning Man Arts Festival near Gerlach, Nevada, heretofore scientifically unknown, have recently yielded insight into the Transposon, a segment of DNA that can replicate itself and move around to different positions within the genome. These Transposons can cause mutations, change the amount of DNA in the cell and dramatically influence the structure and function of the genomes where they reside. Since these "bugs" (not all Hemipterans) frequently feed on humans, it is conceivable that bugs and humans may have exchanged DNA through the mechanism just uncovered. Detecting recent transfers to humans would require examining people that have been exposed to the bugs for thousands of years, such as Native American populations. Anyone who has been to the area is automatically a perfect subject for observation and experimentation. Yes, data on the insect and the snail provide strong, if still puzzling evidence, for the previously hypothesized role of host-parasite interactions in facilitating horizontal transfer of genetic material. Additionally, the large amount of DNA generated by the horizontally transferred Transposons, in all their glory, supports the idea that the exchange of genetic material between hosts and parasites influences their genomic evolution.

July 14, 2017 10:00pm
THE KREWE GO QUITE INFORMAL on this occasion, to gain lasting fame when it will be said they boldly, defiantly broke away from the classical view that "art" should obey established conventions and seek to achieve timelessness. The Podcast was rejected by the so-called "Hipsters, Techies" or "Yuccies" as "triggering" intangible feelings of being disapproved of. The rejection was occasioned not so much by the female nude Cabaret performer (depicted), a well-known, oft-limned singer-dancer in Hollywood film shorts (in this particular case in no shorts)-- a classical subject --as by her presence in a modern setting, accompanied by bumptious, grinning, bourgeois m-e-n.

Yet the Show only pays tribute to Radio Valencia's artistic heritage, borrowing our subject from The Pastoral Concert - a painting by Titian attributed at the time to Giorgione (now in the Louvre) - and taking his inspiration for the composition of the central group from the Marcantonio Raimondi engraving after Raphael's Judgement of Paris, in the mode of Dave Fleischer. Let us know what YOU think.

July 8, 2017 1:00am
THE LOYAL FANS "tuned in" in droves (like cattle) to see how the Krewe performed on a rudderless ship. They found that all did nobly. Without that pedantic Dr. H. Owll around, this thing's a hell of a lot of fun! No animals were harmed, or renegade large spiders squashed, at any time during this episode. What you hear to the contrary are simply sound effects. Masterfully engineered, ultra-realistic sound effects...

July 7, 2017 10:00pm
X-DAY IS A TRADITIONAL PART of the Church of the SubGenius, a religion formed as a parody of cults and extreme religious groups, and that sect's Sacred Books, VHS tapes, comic books, recordings, DVDs, Cassettes, CDs, various pamphlets and claims. X-Day fell, falls or is to fall on July 5, 1998, the scheduled "End of the World", and has been celebrated on July 5 each year since then. [But major changes are afoot.] From its inception in 1980, the Church has prophesied that an army of Alien invaders (known as the "X-ists" or "Space Babes From Planet X") will land on the planet Earth and destroy the non-Sub-G world of "Normals", "Pinks", and "Glorps," while the Members of the Church of the SubGenius shall be rescued by the Aliens and taken away into space. Argument within the Church presently rages over whether or not "the real 1998" has, in fact, actually taken place...

June 30, 2017 10:00pm
DR. HAL WAS GONE, Man, we mean real gone, dig? He was, like, already at X-Day, in more ways than one. So it was up to the ADH Krewe, and in they came, to provide the audience a LIVE show, rather than the dread "re-run," ever so-o uncool. Way, WAY uncool. See, like these swingin' science studies, dig, they sample audience profile numbers, computer algorithms and all that crazy jive, and, dig, they "made a determination" that the, like, statistically average Ask Dr. Hal! Show listener just doesn't roll with that nowheresville re-run scene. Matter of fact, the cat would rather groove on ANYTHING else than a re-run. So, like, your wish is our command, Baby. Lend us your ears and listen in while the Dr. H. Owll-less Ask Dr. Hal! Show kicks out the jams. Get set for lots of this.

June 23, 2017 10:00pm
AS PREVIOUSLY THREATENED, Jett brought in a huge container of Kaiju monsters; these made themselves at home in the Studio with great rapidity. They were everywhere, and unfortunately no respecters of the control board. Several times Michael Peppe or another guest would find himself cut off when a wandering claw, tentacle of tail brushed a button and caused the proceedings to come to a standstill. KrOB was there to fix things, though. Puzzling Evidence sat apart, not wishing to get on the microphone or chat with Pete Goldie. Dr. H. Owll presided over his last show on Radio Valencia for the next five weeks. But, Rocket Rookies and Etherettes, fear not! The Dr. Hal Krewe will be on the job during that interval. On August 11th, should he return safely, the live Dr. Hal will be heard in the mix again. And now-- off to X-Day-- and beyond!

June 16, 2017 10:00pm
...I'll be there, I'll be there; when the brain comes down the chimney I'll be there (I'll be there)-- when the brain comes down the chim-neeee, I'll... be... there! With Very Especial Guests Jett, Michael Peppe, at his absolute best, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB. And KrOB carried it on afterward, too. Now, for the next six weeks the show will be in other hands, while I'm on my travels. Probably their hands. I shall return-- to whatever's left. When I'm back I'll update the Podcast Page.

June 9, 2017 10:00pm
Jett, Michael Peppe, Dr. H. Owll, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB were joined by acerbic ADH Science Solon Pete "Starman" Goldie. Although Pete never got close enough to a microphone, he did engage heavily, as they say, with the two new Kaiju creatures Jett had brought to the studio. Like the recent Giant Spider visitor, the gaudier of the two unthinkable alien beings showed aggression, when, apparently inadvertently insulted in some inter-species fashion by "Doc" Goldie's sharp tongue, It became enraged-- and went right for Pete. Quite a tussle it was. Clean-living Pete eventually prevailed against tentacles and mouth-parts... And there was other stuff, too, to fill the three hour slot we've been allotted. These are great nights and days, but soon Dr. Howll must begin his annual travels. A Substitute Crewe will do the honors for the next five weeks after our last show on June 23rd.

June 2, 2017 10:00pm
AS USUAL,THE SHOW BEGAN and Meeting called as per our plan. Spy and Allison were there; we spoke with the bewitching pair. Then in came our good friend Jett, pitching significance, you bet. Michael Peppe did not show. What he missed he'll never know. Then came KrOB with his screen, then Puzzling Evidence was seen. Science, and the World at Large, were met, when our Team led the charge. Through the night like steeds we cantered. All the while we japed and bantered. Dawn at length drove us away, to our earth-boxes, from our play.

May 26, 2017 10:00pm
A CARAVAN OF GUESTS troops through the Studio, and there are microphones for all. Long conversations, augmented, strive toward improvements in understanding and interpersonal consilience. Jett's Kaiju monsters are heard from again, including in particular one eerily glowing, malevolent mini-mite whose radiated presence fills the room. Michael Peppe is conspicuously there, as well. Poems by Blake, Poe et al.

May 19, 2017 10:00pm
ANOTHER NIGHT of Special Guests-- Jocund Jett, Sultry Spy and Kryptic KrOB. Faith, we were up a-yakkin' 'til Cockcrow. But there was another Guest, as it turned out, a giant Aranea spider. Not the oversized tropical spider inadvertently liberated by Michael Peppe recently-- that same arachnid seems to have taken up clandestine housekeeping behind the storage racks in the anteroom, where (so far!) she prefers brooding over her egg sac to emerging to confront visitors. But this newly encountered web-spinning giant dropped in for a visit. NOTE: Dr. H. Owll has encountered these before. They generally live in the upper hills of San Francisco. A few years back he literally ran into one, walking into the huge web, which was to all intents and purposes invisible, while traversing from upper 21st Street to the 22nd Street Steps, his habitual mode of descent. A truly huge Aranea crawled on him that time, one larger than Science allows. Now another such creature has entered the studio, not part of but perhaps drawn to Jett's amazingly comprehensive Spider Collection. Perhaps listeners can be excused in thinking "the drugs" were responsible. Indeed, they augmented the experience. But Spy actually got tired of screaming and photographed the eight-legged visitor with her phone. NEXT: BATTLE OF THE GIANTS!

May 12, 2017 10:00pm
Recovered from the Hypno-Kat's baleful effects (see Episode #27262, we were all set to enjoy a crowded but fun three hours plus, up in our snug Studio atop San Francisco's famed El Dorado Building. Visitors included Jett, Tracy Feldstein (and, later, Donald Bruce), Puzzling Evidence, the vivacious Spy Girlfriday and Barnacle Bill. Later, the ebullient Michael Peppe joined the crowd. Conversation and refreshments flowed freely. And we may as well admit that the latter included an array of... controlled substances, let us say. Well, it seemed OK to do, though Dr. H. Owll knew he was in for "the long haul," since some of these things, intense as they are, don't wear off for many hours. In truth, he felt on the cusp of queasiness, especially when Jett, an entomologist-arachnologist among other interests, began to produce specimen after specimen of various kinds of huge spider from his collection. The first group of these were instars, which is to say the molted hairy skins, with all anatomical details still present, of a number of large Lycosidae, or Wolf Spiders. Soon "Dr. Howll" was feeling unavoidable nauseous arachnophobia as these things were held in his face, one after the other, so he could see them properly... The party went on, more drinks were consumed, and the show continued. After Dr. H.'s viewing of super-venomous scorpions and the preserved remains of Huntsman Spiders, Jett next introduced the stars of his collection: the Egg Sac of a giant tropical bird-eating spider, then, abruptly, the spider herself, who seemed to be scrabbling furiously at the plastic container's walls while she watched us handle her eggs. Matters came to a head when a flailing Michael Peppe, ironically trying to demonstrate how he WOULDN'T knock the specimen case open, did just that with the bottom of the beer bottle he was waving. Shrieks and chaos ensued... perhaps it made "good radio" to listen to... The giant adult scrambled across the board, moving with incredible speed, seized the egg bundle with her chelicerae, and dropped to the floor to run out the studio door. It was difficult to move as fast, and by the time we had disentangled from headphones and microphone, we could just see Theraphosa blondei squeezing her 9-pound body behind the storage rack on the North side of the anteroom. No one was in any shape to try to get her out of there, what with the drugs and all. This giant is probably still there. Unlike the typical coloration of her species, brown to light-brown blondish bristles, this particular spider is dark brown, almost black-- the result of natural variation. The mouth parts and fang sheaths are, as usually noted, of a bright red color. These are aggressive spiders which WILL pursue and attack humans-- the venom is quite deadly, too. She may simply be planning to hatch her eggs, but it's also possible hunger may bring her out. So Radio Valencia now is more unique than ever as it houses the largest and most aggressive spider on Earth. Next week: we'll probably schedule a re-run and not personally come in.

May 5, 2017 10:00pm
HELLO. I'm... Dr. Howland Owll. And, I'm here tonight to tell you about an incredibly powerful being, a source of mental stimulation and a sponsor, you could say, for this very program. Also featuring... Michael Peppe! But no one else. No one else appeared, but we two had a pleasant chat, up to and then beyond the temporal bounds of our allotted space. As has long been known, felines secrete a substance, an enzyme, which they rub on you. This makes you want to serve them and take care of them. Depending on frequency of propinquity and dosage, one may be subtly bound to the service of the animal. With more cats, the servanthood, so to speak, is certain to be greater. Cat Ladies are famously overrun and overwhelmed, mere walking servitors of the Cat Hive. Let's suppose-- just for an instant! --that at the very top of the graph for Cat Overlords there exist a few powerful felids, or perhaps just One... who control their minions not electrochemically, but by a long-range, feline-centered ability of mental induction. Anyway, we hope you enjoy the show. All Hail his Magnificence, the Hypno-Kat!

April 29, 2017 1:00am
HERE IT IS, FOLKS-- the Overflow from a psychedelic, entheogenic what-you-may-call-it, spiced with passion, sauced with memory, laced with rue. How those guys do go on. As long as there is fuel, the fire burns. And so many guests that night, but in successive waves, so them in t'first part ne'er met them in the nextmost part. But it's all kind of apiece, and there may be gems to extract from the dross. Rhinestones, even.

April 28, 2017 10:00pm
A LONG, LONG NIGHT of Show, with only 3 hours to present from it here. But the Guest List principally is found in the first three. Jett hit Mach 5 on the way over, so we weren't late. No hideous set-up mis-adjustment as happened last iteration. In fact, Spy Emerson, when she appeared, flexing her mighty musculature, brought in B.F Barnacle Bill, a super-technology specialist among other talents. Swiftly and silently, the Barnacle perfectly adjusted the battery of microphones, a skill thoroughly beyond antiquated, doddering Dr. H. Owll, so there was a "mike" for everyone who came. Who? Oh, besides Jett, Spy and the wonder-working Barnacle, we boasted Pete and Sarah Goldie. Then there was the great KrOB. All the while, sprites, imps, minor angels and demons and ghosts from the El Dorado Building leered in upon us. But NOW how does it sound?

April 21, 2017 10:00pm
SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT at the beginning of the episode; the controls would not respond. Volume of music sounded at full blast in the earphones and could not be adjusted. Sound levels dropped and rose. We were ready to give up on it all (did the S.F. Power Out(r)age earlier that day have anything to do with it?) and just concede defeat. But tinkering around with the equipment somehow fixed things (we wish we could understand what we did) and encouraging words from the Chatterbox helped us immeasurably. Things really took a turn for the better when Puzzling Evidence dropped by. And so, we watched QUEEN OF BLOOD, something we always wanted to do. With Basil Rathbone, Dennis Hopper, John Saxon, the bewitching Judi Meredith, Forry Ackerman(!) and a green-skinned Florence Marly. ETHERETTES AND ROCKET ROOKIES! There is ONE more LIVE Ask Dr. Hal! Show this Thursday. Drop by the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret if you're in the local area...

April 14, 2017 10:00pm
THE RIGHT REVEREND DOKTOR MOTHER MILLER, a special visitor to the Studio, found herself surrounded by the agitated entomology of the twitching SubBugs-- first Jett, then KrOB, then Michael Peppe, flailing away with all six limbs, then Puzzling Evidence... all the time Dr. H. "Gregor" Owll did what he could to promote the general welfare of his guests and show. On it went, through the night with those lovable, bloated, human-sized arthropods, and here's the first three hours. Technical difficulties at the beginning were the result of system failure, not just a poor workman blaming his tools...

April 7, 2017 10:00pm
Thanks to our friends the renowned and redoubtable Pooh-Bah Players, we led off with more than half an hour of Radio Drama-- not Pat Novak this time (Pat will be back sometime this Summer) but a fast-paced tail --er, tale, that is, of the Spaceways, and rocketing rodents scampering through the Cosmos. Not to be missed. And then, of course, there was other stuff, but only just before the End we were visited by KrOB and Puzzling Evidence. NEXT WEEK: Right Reverend Doktor Mother Miller will be featured, and possibly other Special Guests. Wow! And make sure, if you're relatively local, to come to our Thursday night LIVE show! Only 3 left!

March 31, 2017 10:00pm
MICHAEL J. PEPPE, the famed '80s Performance Artiste, has difficulty restraining his bounding natural exuberance. And so it was, on this night, the Eve of St. Stupid's Day, when he, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence and Jett came in to be guests on the last Podcast before Live Shows begin on April 6th. These live stage shows, it should be noted, at the legendary Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, a.k.a. Chicken John's Warehouse, will run every Thursday night, April 13th, 20th and 27th following the opening night, at 9 PM, barring Acts of God or the Devil. And, YOU can get tickets online or at the door. Oh, don't worry, these Podcasts, not being on the same night, as in the past, will keep coming. Well, whatever was the cause, Mr. Peppe, buzzing with drugs, just couldn't keep still, like any force of Nature, with a disastrous effect on the microphones, cables and studio in general. He even managed to start a small fire, which we did extinguish. What a Frenetic Fervor. Some were entertained by this. For three hours. Well, that's it, folks. Come to the Show if you're local. 3359 Cesar Chavez Boulevard (at Mission). Be there for the end of the private life.

March 24, 2017 10:00pm
Science, Folklore, Nostalgia, Film Criticism, Politics, Gossip, Innuendo... all come skittering out of the woodwork in this episode of The World's Most Inconsequential Talk Show. On the other hand, "Poets are the Unwritten Legislators of Mankind." --Shelley. On the OTHER hand, if you guys really want to start solving the world's problems, write some poems, already. One poem IS included in here, by Clark Ashton Smith, somewhere before midway through the, er, Dark Wood (referenced). Then "gleeful chaos" and Glossolalia descend. Perpetrators: Michael Peppe, Jett Jackson, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence. Perp.-in-Chief: Dr. Howland Owll. Three hours of this stuff, though after signoff it still continued... to past dawn...

March 17, 2017 10:00pm
This meeting of like minds was professionally augmented. Alterations in inboard chemistry were sampled by Dr. H. Owll, Michael J. Peppe and Jett; also present were Puzzling Evidence and KrOB, though largely unheard. Actually the whole thing went on and on, not winding up until after 5:30 AM. But here, for now, are the first three hours, also featuring interpretations of the poetry of Dylan Thomas and Clark Ashton Smith. The sharp-eared may note the transition point, occurring just after the recitation of the Tenth Psalm. DON'T FORGET: Etherettes and Rocket Rookies take note-- April will bring the long awaited LIVE Ask Dr. Hal! Night Club show, put on "just where you think it'll be put on" (in the haunted post-Ghost Ship landscape). Reserve your tickets now, or purchase them at the door.

March 10, 2017 10:00pm
Uses and Abuses - Acceleration and deceleration - False Time Control - Alternate Methods - Assorted Epiphenomena - Taking a Reading - Chronar - The Temporal Vacuole/travel capsule - Inertia and its problems - Alternates and other Time Tracks - Ethics of Time Control - Obstacles in Arrival Paths - Impetus - Time and Gravity Waves - Vortices - Time Travel Sickness (Chronoperigrinitis)- Out of Time - Poetry of Poe, Clark Ashton Smith and Dylan Thomas. The very latest X-Day recapitulation on disc(s) from SubGenius HQ. No visitors. No listeners.

March 3, 2017 10:00pm
POETRY of Clark Ashton Smith. Poetry of Dylan Thomas. Poetry of Leigh Hunt. Selections from James Thurber's FABLES FOR OUR TIME. A nosegay of musical offerings. And a visit from those peripatetic night-birds, the Goldies, dropping in after leaving from yet another exclusive, glamorous soiree. Remix we mix; same old old tricks. Let's hope the starter kicks, so the planned performance sticks. If it will or wont's unclear. All we know is, we'll be here.

February 24, 2017 10:00pm
...tenebrarius in Tenebris. A dark eye looks at us darkly in darkness. Well, what if it does? WE have powerful charms and protections, spells woven round about. Expert Sages and Mages have conjured impenetrable protective barriers, with interlocking spells and terrible Words, never to be articulated except in time of greatest need. And, within the Guardian Circle, just look, or rather listen to, what goes on. Clark Ashton Smith's poetic cantrips and incantations. New Archival material from SubGenius Headquarters, a profound question (complete with emolument) from Washington, D.C.'s own Mob Meattie... And then, in come KrOB, Michael Peppe, Dr, Penny, Puzzling Evidence and sultry Mystery Siren 342638. All get busy a-palaverin' and a-yakkin. Never mind that big, scary EYE trying to intimidate us. There'll be more like this. And, in the Name of Dobbs, Contribute, everybody, won't you-- to the Ask Dr. Hal! Kickstarter-- use those Search Words to find it-- and help inaugurate an ALL-NEW series of LIVE A.D.H. performances-- in April...

February 17, 2017 10:00pm
Right Reverend Doktor Mother Miller was our special guest. Things progressed about as usual; questions were asked (remotely) and answered (in situ). Then "Doc" Goldie and Sarah Zee paid a welcome surprise visit. Imagine OUR surprise, however, when we were taken to task-- by that selfsame Science Solon, for remarks made in a letter to Ringmonster "Chicken" John. Fortunately, our lawyer was present. Remember, Friends of ADH, to support the Kickstarter effort now underway to put on the most memorable version of the "live" Show yet! And, if it happens, this one'll be on a Thursday, NOT Friday this time, so your long-cultivated listening habitual preferences will not be affronted.

February 10, 2017 10:00pm
Many things are taking place in the world of Ask Dr. Hal! We have a chance to do the live show, if "Chicken" John's latest attempt-- a Kickstarter solicitation to the fans --pans out. That will be, if it is, in April of this Year of Grace 2017 Anno Domini. Well, here we feature William Blake and Clark Ashton Smith among others. Never say we aren't consistent. Earlier efforts are plowed under, to fertilize the new crop coming up. What is that, to one who reaps not harvest of his youthful joys, though the deep heart of existence beat forever, like a boy's? Knowledge comes, but Wisdom lingers-- and We linger, on the shore, and the individual withers, and the world is more and more. Thanks for inspiration (and all apologies to) Alexiuss.

February 3, 2017 10:00pm
...beyond the margin of the Heliopause. A barren planet. A ringed planet, though that's not all that special a distinction; more than one planet actually has rings, and even Earth itself could be said to have rings of a sort. The Sun in such realms appears as a feeble smear of light in the sky, even though it's still the brightest thing around. Fortunately, on the Show we had Jett, and KrOB to navigate in the second half. Neither Puzzling Evidence nor fair-weather sailor Michael Peppe deigned to venture out in the ongoing Cosmic Storm.

January 27, 2017 10:00pm
Dr. H. Owll began solo, with selections from Blake's Prophetic poem "America." We also heard from the late Whitman McGowan, always missed in this year of Grace, as is the late Jeff Robins (obit. 2002)-- and that vintage rambunctious radio team, the Robins Bros. are heard as well in this anterior end of the program, interspersed with various poetic snippets and sweetbreads. Then, brightening the gloom in the room, in came Zee, our visiting angel Sarah G., the sole guest for the rest of the slot, who enlightened us about many things under Heaven on this Earth (Portrait above by Mark Bryan).

January 20, 2017 10:00pm
Und zo, upon returning from the Sonoran Desert, Dr. Howland Owll could boast he mostly hosted a host of fellow-travelers. Jett skyed in on wings of thunder, dodging the Puz-Ev Drone. Soon, lovely Sarah Szczechowicz Goldie, also known as Zee, appeared with her well turned-out consort, "Doc" Goldie, the Tile Specialist, both still glamorously outfitted from the Anti-Inaugural Ball they'd been attending... KrOB too contributed to the ambiance. And, admitted somehow, was, we must admit, famed '80's Performance Artist sensation Michael J. Peppe-- yes, Peppe! --who can't keep a Code in the Head. All locks, wards, tumblers and the like being changed, life went on, thrilling as always, if less secure. Refreshments were served.

January 13, 2017 10:00pm
Dr. H. Owll had to take a powder, as it were. He went to the Arizona desert for a 10-day period, to visit, fraternize and otherwise hob-nob with various alchemists, sorcerers and magicians (but of course no necromancers). Puzzling Evidence took the Ask Dr. Hal! helm with elan. It was a beautiful thing, and the results are HERE...

January 6, 2017 10:00pm
As the Storm of the Century hits, Dr. H. Owll, KrOB Sabrepop and Jett are safe three stories above the street. High wind rocks the El Dorado Building as the colloquy continues. And eventually the name Ray Harryhausen arises, as it must. Oh, there will be much more on Harryhausen as this series continues, part of our SubGenius Heritage and a classic exponent of stop-motion animation, the great and noble art. To many computer-manipulators, "animation" means moving things around in the frame. But the root of the word lies in "anima," or soul-- true animation is the puppeteer's uncanny art of investing the subject with a soul of personality. And, there's the metaphorical, allegorical, analogical aspect ever hovering... over, perhaps, if it were uncharitably said, those who watched one monster movie too many.

December 30, 2016 10:00pm
THE LAST SHOW of the Old Year passes... with Dr. H. Owll, Jett, Michael Peppe, and, sitting silently in the corner, Puzzling Evidence. How we wish for a lack of encumbrances, a relaxation of binding gravitational fields, a condition of inherent freedom without reference to codes or regulations. But, though the departing year releases us, we are still hemmed in on all sides. At such times, even as we wish all our listeners and Fellow Travelers the best of hopes for a year which looms with inherent anxiety, we renew our hopes that the Space Goddesses will arrive and descend. 2017's X-Day may well be the "true" one. Pete Goldie appeared for a flash, almost above the threshold of perception, but was then gone. Meanwhile, we hashed things out in the usual fashion, swilling Absinthe and Champagne...

December 23, 2016 10:00pm
Periodically, the ASK DR. HAL! Podcast returns, in its orbit, to the "bottle" show condition, wherein Dr. Howland Owll, solus, not contending with unruly, chaotic guests, instead mixes and performs the presentation on his own, in its entirety. On this seldom-experienced world, pace, content and music are all from a single source, without such interference as might ordinarily emanate from the Personal Devices of guests. We understand that there are more than a few Listeners who actually prefer these Shows to all the others; for them the recitations from Clark Ashton Smith and other uncompromising explorers of the Noosphere are a holiday from idle on-air chatterboxes. For them are such Shows as these-- perhaps not, indeed, of the reassuring quality generally found in standard programming, but still sufficient to provide protection against the indifferent, overarching, unforgiving vastness and deep, primordial cold of enveloping Outer Space. Three hours.

December 16, 2016 10:00pm
The Journey of the Magi begins. It takes a while to travel at this time of year by camel, the very worst time for a journey-- and such a long journey: the ways deep, the weather sharp, the very dead of winter. And with Dr. Hal coming down with Scholar's Epizootis, too, a drain of energy. But the festal time must be acknowledged. Oh, it was a merry party, avec Jett, Pete Goldie, Puzzo and KrOB, Lynn and... Michael Peppe. Like the Efreets of Peristan, like Djinn of Chaos, the whirling forces of disorder scattered the show to the four corners of the Earth by the time the National Anthem played. That "Manger" you've heard of-- yes, it was one, but it was in a cave. Saves too much building just for a lot of critters. And then... just look what happened...

December 9, 2016 10:00pm
In-studio guest Right Reverend Doktor Mother Miller shows Dr. H. Owll and other visitors how to live and flourish, all the while hewing to some of the Principles of the Church of the SubGenius. Archival material gives way to an open symposium of the Sacred and Profane...

December 2, 2016 10:00pm
A feint by the Goldies. Then, Jett, Puzzling Evidence, Nurse Annabella, and Michael Peppe. An interrupted four-way conversation continued. Technical difficulties. Sparks spitting and smoke. Much stimulation. No floor, ceiling or walls. The cosmic spaces leer. The baying of the Hounds of Tindalos. Keep those cards and letters coming in. Our Country, Like It or Not.

November 25, 2016 10:00pm
In this episode, Storm Clouds are followed by the usual poems and pedantry. And we bring on the great Zero Boy, the Toast of New York. In fact, also the scrambled eggs, bacon and full glass of orange juice of New York-- then almost through his latest pass through S.F. and adjoining regions. With him came the beauteous DJ Claudia M. Costa, who played the flute to boot. Z.B. riffed-- it's his gift. We concluded with the ruminations of Dr. Pete Goldie, Astronomer Royal to the Ask Dr. Hal! Show and related enterprises. And we raised a few glasses, anticipating Dr. H. Owll's Birthday (November 28th)...

November 18, 2016 10:00pm
We are constantly bombarded with the so-called Cosmic Rays-- this show explored that phenomenon and some of its ramifications. Starting at about 335 miles, or 56 kilometers above the Earth's surface, this alien radiation breaks atoms apart, and the contents rain down toward the surface at the speed of light, including muons. These transient particles, neither super-heavy nor particularly lightweight, have a mass equal to about 208 electrons. Though they have a short life-span, with a half-life of just two millionths of a second, they can cause harm if they happen to strike the wrong bit of genetic material in a cell's nucleus. 240 muons flash through your body every second. But Michael Peppe, famed Performance Artist, was bravely unconcerned about this as he visited our Ask Dr. Hal! studio. With: KrOB Sabrepop, Puzzling Evidence.

November 4, 2016 10:00pm
Make sure you're where you're supposed to be. Then, much chagrin will not follow. Do your homework first, before trying something new. That's what we say at ASK DR. HAL! In this episode we are once again visited, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence, with none other than, you guessed it-- Michael Peppe. Just imagine the hi-jinks and hilarity. For enlightened adults only.

October 28, 2016 10:00pm
As has been pointed out, and ignored, many times, skin impressions are not uncommon among the Dinosauria and have been clearly preserved in sauropods, ornithopods, stegosaurs, ankylosaurs, ceratopsians and theropods; and some are preserved with internal organs. Yet in no case is there evidence of structures that could be remotely construed as feathers. Among the more notable theropods that preserve integument is the Lower Cretaceous Spanish Pelecanimimus, which exhibits an integument with a distinctive cross-hatching on the surface, representing wrinkling of the hide, but the surface of the skin is smooth, devoid of scales, much less hair or feathers. In 1996, Alexander Kellner reported preserved skin in a Brazilian theropod, showing under scanning electron microscopy a very thin epidermis, formed mostly by irregular quadrangles bordered by deep grooves in a crisscross pattern. But, as Mark Twain once said, you can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

October 21, 2016 10:00pm
Studio visitor Dr. Penny came to S.F. to see the (now-cancelled) live show. But we had fun on Reloadio Valencia instead. Much poetry, pedantry and periphrastic perspicacity. Making the best of it. From the depths of Time, the farthest reaches of Space, to your quivering ears.

October 14, 2016 10:00pm
Thanks to our own Dr. Fiasco, we did, in the end, manage a simulcast, of sorts. Curious about what the debut of the stage show was like? We've got the audio. Yes, it's possible to hear most of what went on, though there are patches of sub-standard sound quality which must be endured along the way... NEXT WEEK: we try again, natch-- until we get this by-Our-Lady simulcast thing down! With Chicken John, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, Dr. Hal-- and the hovering ghost of KrOB (maybe we'll get the real thing back for our second show?)over all. A co-production with the San Francisco Institute of Possibility (SFIOP).

October 14, 2016 10:00pm
The live Ask Dr. Hal! Show was suddenly and unexpectedly cancelled by Chicken John. Will there be others? Time will tell. Certain internal problems must be dealt with. So it's back to "radio" in the meantime (we like Dr. Goldie's useful term for our podcasts, "Reloadio"). Here we continue to explore the too little-heard poetry of the great American poet Clark Ashton Smith, with a rendition from Dr. Hal of his THE STAR-TREADER. And we also let Samuel Taylor Coleridge (seen above)pay us a call, as that poet's DEJECTION: AN ODE was also interpreted... then, poet Rusty Rebar visited us, as well as RV's own Karen Carpenter, the lovely Sarah Szczechowicz-Goldie, KrOB and even Puzzling Evidence, though the latter was, it turned out, only there to observe. Much fun ensued, you bet...

October 7, 2016 10:00pm
THANKS and a flip o' the ASK DR. HAL! Fez to our own Dr. Fiasco, daring and skilled audio engineer. Despite illness and exhaustion he brokered the podcast (They Said It Couldn't Be Done) of what was to be the first of four live shows at the elegant Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret-- or, as some prefer to call it, Chicken John's Warehouse. Ah, for that moment preserved in digital amber. The persistent may enjoy this, though audio quality may vary. After this, "Chicken" abruptly cancelled the remaining shows for October-- just a few hours before the second show! This is what remains...

September 30, 2016 10:00pm
First guest of the night was Spy, then there was Sarah Szczechowicz Goldie, then Don and Tracy, then Michael Peppe and Puzzling Evidence. All trooped through a show of variant hues and intensity, but many voices produced the result. It was a cauldron, or caldera of intellectual eruption. As when the Force of Subterranean Wind Transports a Hill, torn from Pelorus, Or the shatter'd side of thundering Aetna, Whose combustible and fueled Entrails, thus conceiving Fire, Subim'd with minerall Fury, Aid the Winds and leave a singed Bottom all involv'd With stench and smoke.

September 23, 2016 10:00pm
We begin tonight's episode with a visit to that distinctive house at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Did you know that "The Munsters" theme music had lyrics? Hear them here. Dr. H. Owll is received by, and briefly visits, Herman and Lily, with a side trip to "Grandpa's" underground laboratory. The family's dragon-ish pet, Spot, also roars at us when we arrive. Visit is otherwise entirely congenial, but then studio guests appear and prevent its continuance. Maybe another time we'll get to Eddie and Marilyn. Herman shows off his new chair-- built by Westinghouse --with a demonstration, too. Also on tap: Puzzling Evidence and the beauteous Sarah Goldie (nee Szczechowicz), who discuss and dish dirt on various local personalities of note. Yeah, the Addams Family were arguably cooler. But what could possibly be more, well, "American," than being monsters and NOT KNOWING it? Just ask our friends from other countries. With Fred Gwynne, Yvonne DeCarlo, Al Lewis. 3 hours.

September 17, 2016 1:00am
And so it turned out that after it was all over we attempted another narrated movie, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. M. Peppe had trouble getting with the program: FLIGHT TO MARS (1951) with Cameron Mitchell. A curiosity for hard-core followers only, we warn. Once you get there, it's awfully like here. Is this trip really necessary/

September 16, 2016 10:00pm
Not while the woods are redolent of Spring
Or scentless immortelles of Autumn blow
Shall I evade your loveliness, or know
Surcease of Love,and Love's remembering.
But, haply, wandering, worlds and cycles hence,
Through unforeseen, fantastic avatars,
I shall forget you in the future stars
And take of Time an alien recompense,
'Till, in some strange and latter planet made
Of molten shards and meteor dust of this,
My hand shall pluck an unsuspected bloom
That lifts again the scarlet of your kiss,
And I shall muse, and linger, knowing not
The love that perished, like a lost perfume.

September 9, 2016 10:00pm
There is Order, and there is Chaos-- in our Relativistic Universe, largely a function of entity, speed and location. There are the Poems of Clark Ashton Smith. And there are Studio Guests, More Fun Than A Barrel Of Monkeys. In other words, some fun to speak of. You have to open the barrel, of course, or there is no fun, none at all. And don't get me started on whether that ??!!@#$&?! cat in the box is dead or alive. We go on, afterwards, in our desultory way-- not necessarily recommended -- with our Late-Nite Feature, FLIGHT TO MARS with Cameron Mitchell (1951). Also with M. Peppe lurching, muttering and bumping the microphone. All in all, the Formula for Freedom.

September 2, 2016 10:00pm
I was at Burning Man! Yes-- you heard me--Burning Man! How would you like it if someone threw a shovelful of sand in your face every 40 seconds? Oh, you'd like that, would you? You would? How about riding your bicycle through the dark and blinky-light chaos, in a dust storm, at night, to the other side of the Dial, dodging unlit cyclists and pedestrians ("Darkwads," they call those Out There), with the street signs stolen as souvenirs by over-privileged hipsters, in 35-40 mph winds, peaking on Acid? Is that your idea of fun? Meanwhile, here's this.

August 26, 2016 10:00pm an unsafe rattletrap RV, the lights failing, turn signals not working on the trailer. We lost some stuff off that. Well, there's a hotel room in Boomtown-- for the 1%. Must not give in to Existential Panic. At home: Puzzling Evidence and the ADH Krewe to the Reskewe.

August 20, 2016 1:00am
These are the two hours after Ask Dr. Hal! officially ended on Friday night. But in fact, it kept chugging along, as it often does. So here are those audio files, served up for those who may be fans of poetry, pedantry and Entomology, although the species of Weevil discussed was mis-identified, as it later turned out. As Darwin remarked, God had an inordinate fondness for beetles, which is why He made so many of them.

August 19, 2016 10:00pm
This episode of Ask Dr. Hal! also featured Jett, Michael Peppe, and (mostly unheard) KrOB and Puzzling Evidence. During the presentation, in which a bubbling pipe played a significant part, we experienced...
...uncontrollable laughter,
...past memories-- revisiting places from childhood recollection,
...various sensations of motion, including the feeling of being pulled and twisted by external forces,
...variegated visions of membranes, films, a plethora of two-dimensional surfaces, and fractal patterns,
...instances of merging with objects, for a time actually becoming them, and
overlapping realities, including the perception of being in several locations at once. Now, this is all legal, though you wouldn't think so. Three hours go by... Don't forget, the LIVE Ask Dr. Hal! Show will go on the boards in San Francisco weekly during the month of October, starting Friday, October 7th and continuing every Friday night through the month. "Sometimes, a thousand twangling Instruments about mine Ears, and sometimes Voices."

More Discussion, More Adumbration
August 13, 2016 1:00am
The Ecstatic colloquium, begun on the night of Friday the 12th of August, did not end at 1:00 AM on Saturday as expected. No, propelled by a dynamo of psychic energy, the palaver continued, solving the world's problems until 4:30 AM. And even then, KrOB Sabrepop provided an extra half-hour. Dr. H. Owll, Michael J. Peppe and Jett bestrode the intellectual landscape with seven-league steps. Puzzling Evidence was present, but silent. With Pete Goldie.

Many Dimensions, Metaphysical Atoms
August 12, 2016 10:00pm
The Golden Atom, the perfect exemplar of the irreducible structure, the ideal form of manifested energy, the glowing Centurion of Being, Guardian of Existence. In its corona, during a strange, extended session were Jett, Michael Peppe and Dr. H. Owll. Pete Goldie dropped by the vortex to hand out homilies and corrections. Before that, "The Jumblies" by Edward Lear. After that, four more hours of extended Show violate the norms of a timeless realm. See above.

August 5, 2016 10:00pm
Poems this episode: first heard, "The Castle of Dreams," by Clark Ashton Smith (1893-1961). Later we essay the Hymn (an excerpt) from "On the Morning of Christ's Nativity" by John Milton (1608-1674), a real rip-snorter. Hey, it's our show and we can do what we want. You know, when Dr. H. Owll does those recitations from memory, often enough he makes goofy mistakes in the delivery, whether faltering recollection or tongue-twisting be the destructive and frustrating agent here. And in the Milton poem, he manages to do the entire lengthy thing EXCEPT for the verse about Moloch, which he gets all wrong. One of the coolest verses in the piece, too. But, you just keep going, try to save the recitation and keep in mind that very few know enough to call you out on the errors. Then we were visited, on this our third post-X-Day show, by the renowned writer and Performance Artist Michael Peppe (1906-2056), inventor of Behaviormusik. So we chew the fat with Peppe awhile, until we come to our usual dropping-off place, 1:00 AM on Saturday morning. This time, though, we go on, for late-night die-hards, with another Bleary-Eyed Theatre presentation, the narrated movie VOYAGE TO THE PLANET OF PREHISTORIC WOMEN (1968). Brave cosmonauts and their impressive Giant Robot companion reach the Morning Star (also called the Evening Star) after a lengthy and complex Sunward voyage. Descending through the layers of atmosphere that veil the Venereal planet from Earthly observers with its brilliant reflective albedo, they discover not a searing, black calm punctuated by intense, lethal heat and pyroclastic acid flows, but a cloudy landscape of mist and vegetation, which they explore in their cool Space Runabout. Apparently water is not just found in the upper atmosphere as vapor but actually flows freely on the surface. And, there are controversies with attacking Lizard men and man-eating plants. But... just over the next rise, if they only knew, lolling beside an unexpected ocean, beautiful nymphs in seashell bras recline languidly on the rocks. One of them is even Mamie Van Doren (1931-2034)-- and, man, can she fill out that revealing seashell-and-kelp strand ensemble, or whatever it is. Easy on the eyes, yes, sir! Eh, Gentlemen? But-- here's the tragedy of the thing. After coming all the way to Venus, our sober scientific types never do cross that ridge and meet the girls! They do, however (spoiler alert!) kill their giant Pterodactyl God. And it makes the Venusian devotchkas very, very mad. How they pout! In (faded) color. Narrated by Peter Bogdanovich, who also plays Derek Thomas. Yeah!

July 29, 2016 10:00pm
Feminine servo-mechanisms incorporate backup systems and feedback loops in so-called Fembots. The Robotic Principles of Asimov (the Three Laws) are operative, though in this series the Third Law defers to the others more readily. Self-maintaining androids, they provide insights informing many additional platforms, including this (solitary) episode of ASK DR. HAL! Remember to watch for the coming all-LIVE A.D.H. Show at Chez Poulet this October, a venue (mostly) for Humans.

July 22, 2016 10:00pm
Dr. H. Owll finally returned from the event called "X-Day." Still moving forward, he reassembled his afflicted powers. Yes, the Saucer hovered, but didn't land. Yes, the Chatelaine of Vulture Island was there... His heartfelt hopes he still keeps close, and in secret. Meanwhile, the Church survives, mutates and adapts. This is the inevitable result. Authentic Pre-X recordings vie here with the poems of Clark Ashton Smith. Then, wandering Michael Peppe comes to our door. And, though we officially "end" at 1:00 AM, there's an hour added, an extra bowlful brimming over for the famished. Let's hope it's indeed download-able, since viruses played Hob with Dr. H. Owll's archives while he was ministering to Subs in distant Ohio. Our verdict? Well, we think this can be fixed-- AS LONG as Radio Valencia is willing. Watch this space.

Pat Novak, Hooterville, Parallel Worlds and Anti-Matter Events
June 14, 2016 5:00pm
A Portmanteau Show, for those in the know. Brewed up with love, as Above, so Below. Pat Novak was first, all the rest, unrehearsed. Michael Peppe and Jett made the Show a sure bet. We talked of the stars, and of Vacuums in jars. Comic books and TV, with these too we made free. It approaches true bliss when we have shows like this. And we answered two Questions. Are there more suggestions?

June 10, 2016 10:00pm
1987. What a year; what a year. Yes... Remember the Jim Bakker Scandal? Or when Prozac made its debut in the U.S.? The British Government stopped the publication, in Britain, of the book SPYCATCHER. The prophetic movie ROBOCOP came out. And, THE SIMPSONS first appeared on your TV. Yes, a lot was going on, back then. Now, thanks to Puzzling Evidence Studios, this particular Episode of the ASK DR. HAL! Show features some rare, archival recordings from that very year, in a spanking brand-new mix. HEAR Dr. Hal! Puzzling Evidence! Even Michael Peppe! Oh, we've all been around as long as the Beard of Moses, it turns out. HEAR our younger selves Jell in a Verbal Jam which, as the record Preserves, Jars and Jars as it reveals in retrospect that we've learned nothing, nothing, nothing at all since then. What Smuckers! Ah, that is, we meant to say, Suckers. But that might work. Kind of a hybrid of Schmucks and Suckers. Eh? Well, ENJOY this wallow in outre Nostalgia. TASTE it slowly, and WHIFF its impudent bouquet...

June 10, 2016 1:00am
Puzzo wasn't through by the traditional 1:00 AM. No, he wasn't! Here's more of the mix, suds-ing and foaming... 120 exquisite extra extraordinary minutes of marvels and malarkey.

June 3, 2016 10:00pm
Another jagged start from RV "gremlins" leaving the Big Board all tapsalteerie... Y'know, when the Lynch Mob was after Dr. Hal last year, he was informed that, "if there is ANYTHING about the way the Board is left after your show that makes it hard for the next show to start, ANYTHING at all, then YOU LOSE YOUR SHOW!" [Paraphrasing here] --to which was added as a coda, "NO EXCEPTIONS!" Wa-al, I guess them Are-Vee boys n' gals done kind o' fergot themselves 'bout all that kind o' clabber. Funny, ain't it? NONETHELESS, heroic Dr. Hal swiftly untangled the Briaraeus-like Mess with elan and verve-- and got the Show rolling, first with the obscure but sublime poetry of Clark Ashton Smith, and then... Well, about then, right down the Runway for a textbook three-pointer of a landing swooped in-studio guest Jett. A rotating air compressor powered by a turbine, with the leftover power providing thrust via a propelling nozzle — the Brayton Thermodynamic Cycle-- it was all more than ordinarily evident. Yes, our Jett sports a complex high-bypass turbofan engine, offering higher velocity and greater fuel efficiency than any old piston-and-propeller aero-engine. That fuel mixture he uses is volatile, too, and includes ultra-fiery Absinthe of an insanely high proof. As we sipped it among clouds of visionary smoke-- what a Fetid Fervor of Freedom! --the sparkling conversation ranged dynamically over multiple topics. Among these-- COMIC BOOKS. The great American Literary Form. Different artists, different styles... Long-distance Show Friend Michael G. Pevey appeared by telephonic proxy all the way from San Angelo, Texas. Not Michael Peppe-- Pevey. Peppe never came in, and in point of fact, this time, for once, we didn't really need him...

May 27, 2016 10:00pm
During the Triassic Period, roughly 252.17 to 201.3 million years ago, an interval of 51.04 million years, did giant, super-intelligent cephalopods, perhaps a form of Ammonite large enough to rip giant icthyosaurs apart, make "art" (the world's first) with their vertebral discs, arranging them in rows like tentacle suckers on the ancient sea floor? Did they? Hmmm? Well, that's just one of the unusual topics covered on this week's episode. The world wants to know. So the Listeners say, anyhow. In-studio guests Jett and Michael Peppe returned to add further conversational shadings to all matters discussed. KrOB was there too, likewise Puzzling Evidence. And, curiously enough, Presidential candidate Dr. Pete Goldie was heard shouting incoherently in the ante room, but never actually entered the broadcast booth to promulgate his, er, rather extreme views. Well, it's all here in the download-able podcast, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies. We soldier on through technical minefields and station incompetence. And we hope for a Brighter Tomorrow. A thousand thanks and a tip of the old Ask Dr. Hal! Fez to loyal listener Michael Pevey of San Angelo, Texas, whose generous contribution arrived without even a question to answer within the envelope.

May 20, 2016 10:00pm
There was no show at all last time, on Friday the 13th of May, O Best Beloved. There was no show because there was no "radio," no podcast-- a double-damned "computer glitch" shattered all our plans and dreams. They came and tore the hard drive out of poor old Sam, the studio computer, and when we got there the pathetic thing lay asprawl, denuded of its guts. And, as it happened, all the ya-hobs and Nimrods were off yukking it up at a by-Our-Lady "chili cook-off" without a thought, a single thought, of offering warning or assistance. Why, I oughta... But this time it happened, yes! we had a show, with studio guest Dr. Penny, later joined by studio guest Rusty Rebar. Those two had a variety of things to say, and-- the political opinions expressed by guests on the show are not to be construed as views endorsed by the titular head thereof, or of any other quondam contributors not present. But, all in all, we did have a good chin-wag about alternative subjects as well. Poetry and pedantry were served. No Absinthe this time, which tends to make the heart grow fonder. Please continue to send in your questions, together with an emolument, and we will endeavor to provide worthy answers, depending on the premium.

May 6, 2016 10:00pm
IN THIS EPISODE we touch on divers matters, with a conversation among special guests. Jett made an appearance first-- he brought two kinds of Absinthe, among other refreshments. We sipped it, looking into its luminous green depths as we spoke of mysteries of Creation. KrOB came in and directed the ongoing soundscape with his unique skill. He was glad to join us and raise a glass of the glowing, greenish potation, and then easily prevailed upon to enjoy yet another. Suddenly the ravishingly beautiful Sarah Goldie appeared, fresh from a night at the theater, wearing a dazzling low-cut ensemble... as she took her place at the microphone it was only right to salute her with another glass of the emerald liquid. Not long after, Pete Goldie appeared. He had wine but we had an other. Other glass of Absinthe, tha' is. And another one to keep ou' the chill. Jett ol'man, this's prime stuff, prime stuff. What're you doing over there? You look as if y'were a mile away. What inschpiring conversatiumons. This's an Innelecshual Salon, in cashe you didn' know-- exshuse me, thish deserves 'nother glasxh. That Sarah's so, so boo-ful. Where'd Pete and Sarah go? You've got to pashe, to pace yoursel' so's not to make a s-schpectacle'f y'selfph. I know my limits, unnerstand? --an' I'll have jus' one more lit-tle drinky of the old Absinthy. Woops! That was th' microphone, we'll pick it up later. Later. Wash out for thish equipment. Later for that. Itsh very late. Let's have s'more of that, that Absiinsh... Normalize the board. We run a tight ship at thish show.

April 29, 2016 10:00pm
GUESTS include Dr. Fiasco, who brings along his Patented Soundscape, skymaster Jett, who provides fact-checking during peripatetic entomological discussions and Pete Goldie, distributor of wine --and some bile. Hovering just off-mike, equally meanwhile, were Puzzling Evidence and mighty KrOB, who seized the reins after 1:00 AM. Exotic edulia were consumed, strange vintages poured. And moved by what unknown impulse, our thoughts strayed among certain clades of invertebrates. Dr. Fiasco exhibited uneasiness as we called up multi-legged horrors. But of course, there was more-- much more! So tired... we'll just lie down in this web-like hammock...

April 22, 2016 10:00pm
And, while you're at it, all you Imps, STOP attacking our Shows with Power Out(r)ages. Yes, at 11:25 PM, They struck again, knocking Us off "the air." Not only did our Podcast crash to an unseemly stop, but also all the lights in the good ol' El Dorado Building went out, along with the lights across the way in Bruno's (a wail of dismay arose from the street) and even the street lights on Mission. Overkill, you guys, overkill. Every time we start reaching the edges of Profound Cosmic Secrets, the Directorate of Hell stops us cold. Haven't you bureaucrats in the Infernal Regions anything better to do? This time, advanced Radio Valencia computational devices expertly repaired the damage on their own. Around 10 minutes later, just as the repair 'bots were scuttling and rolling out the door, we came creakily back to life. "We" in this case being Irritating Horror Host Dr. Howland Owll, St. Michael Peppe and peripatetic Puzzling Evidence. Peppered by pesky Pete Goldie calls, the rest of the sad Show limped home after concluding in the usual way, at the usual time. Note the prophetic Warnings at the very beginning. As ever, Prophecy is never believed until fulfillment. We Still Live!

April 15, 2016 10:00pm
Shoulda beena paira ragged claws, scuttling across the floora silent seas. But couldn't arrange that, so preserved the social niceties. Clark Ashton Smith's poem, "Desert Dweller" helped us launch. But then we didn't Tread the Shadows of Zothique after all; first Pete Goldie came in for a govoreet-- later, visiting peripatetic Puzzling Evidence was all of that, in his chat. KrOB was on the job, but we didn't hear much from him, by "Bob!" The ending is abrupt and underwhelming. Nothing broke, fuzzed off, dropped out or failed, but the sign-off this time wasn't until a half hour AFTER the podcast's ending, so just this once, you will have to imagine hearing the National Anthem.

April 8, 2016 10:00pm
In-studio guest Jett taxied in for a perfect three-point landing, and stayed to fuel up. Slightly later, KrOB was also present and accounted for. Using an intricately designed engine combining compression with ignition, which generated thrust for swift forward movement, Jett whizzed at a much higher speed than the standard old, droning piston-engined planes, zooming dizzily from topic to topic.
Quite a lot of ground got covered, though perhaps landforms overly familiar to some. Well, by the end, perhaps a lot of jet fuel had been consumed after all-- but it was worth it ("We don't need no bad drugs!"). With Whitman McGowan, Speedy Alka-Seltzer and the Polaroid Swinger.

April 1, 2016 10:00pm
Partially turned out from the early Triassic, 251-245 million years ago (rounded off), also known to some as the Scythian Epoch. Because this stage of Earth's history did not last very long, in geological terms, we are only considering it in terms of its two main subdivisions, the Induan and the Olenekian. The show drifts between these. It was a period of great change on the show, as whole new lineages and clades of animals radiated into the empty niches vacated of their original occupiers by the mass extinction which had pervasively eliminated the ecological framework of the departed Permian fauna, and the evolutionary battle for the supremacy of the land was waged. The hot dry Pangaean deserts of the Triassic would witness the competition between the Synapsid proto-mammals (Therapsida) that had dominated the land in earlier cycles and the newly-emerged Archosaurian reptiles (Thecodonts, as we used to call them). And, in the arid climes of the early Mesozoic, the reptiles had an obvious metabolic advantage, despite the superior mechanics of locomotion and guardian care-of-young behavior possessed by these ancient mammals. Bulky beasts bellowed in competition, while Radio commercials of yore emerged from oozy swamps of oblivion. Three age-long hours.

March 25, 2016 10:00pm
Dr. Fiasco's specially created soundscape underlies most of this episode. Punctuated by wheedling bleats, begging for donations from the Listeners again (for Station Dues time looms), Poetick Recitation and the usual tropes, we also debuted the Brazilian Astronaut's newly engineered additions to Dr. Hal's recorded canon of Italo Calvino's INVISIBLE CITIES. Jett taxied in after a three-point landing, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence hovered discreetly in the anteroom, and St. Michael Peppe came in to add to the dialogue. We ranged afar, from the Triassic and Jurassic to the Classic and Periphrastic, natch. We thank in advance whoever throws in on the bailout, while we look hopefully forward to more such harmony to come.

March 18, 2016 10:00pm
And a welcome donation from our good friend "Vineet," a Question answered. Power drops, static, distortion-- but K. Carpenter to the rescue. The Brazilian Astronaut also made a rare appearance; we owe him a Bazillion thanks for his additional trouble-shooting. Nice shooting, son. All will come out, in the Laundry, in the Fullness of Time. Noisy studio parties need to be held in the adjacent chamber for best low blood pressure results.

March 11, 2016 10:00pm
This week Dr. H. Owll entertains a quondam guest, Nose Hair Lint Gland's head honcho Karen Carpenter (the alias of a well-known secret super-scientist). Various callers & contributors receive on-air thanks, & Whittier's reflective poem "Maud Muller" is an early feature, a response to a listener request. Eventually, the arrival of Puzzling Evidence precipitates a narrated showing of the 1934 Clyde Beatty feature THE LOST JUNGLE. In the film, circus impresario & animal trainer Clyde Beatty (not related either to Ned or Warren) heads a rescue party in search of his pneumatic peroxide blonde girlfriend, Ruth, & her hapless father, who get lost-- way lost --looking for an uncharted island, site of the fabled Lost City of Komar. Shipwrecked, she & doddering old Dad deal with ferocious lions and tigers, both, improbably, co-inhabitants of the island, not to mention rebellious, surly sailors. Beatty heads after them for Africa in his dirigible, but, wouldn't you know, it crashes right into the jungles of the island instead. When wandering, jodhpur-clad Clyde locates Ruth, he learns that her father has disappeared. The ensuing search is hindered by greedy gold hunters & wild animal mayhem... Meanwhile, the sinister Sharkey, Sadistic animal handler for the Maitland Circus Giganticus (who alternately resembles Richard Nixon & Bob Hope), is revealed to be jealous of the success of stuck-on-himself star animal tamer curly-haired Clyde Beatty - murderously so, as he has once surreptitiously permitted a hungry lion to be prematurely freed in a cage with Clyde, who at that time escaped being mauled by the width of a nanodiameter. Clyde and his buddy, loathsomely repulsive "comical" sidekick circus PR Man Larry Henderson, of the Adam's apple-prompted bobbing bow tie & other quite unforgivable tropes, having taken the maiden flight of an ill-fated dirigible, destination India, to collect tigers, & Africa, to collect lions, to bring both back & make their lives miserable in circus show biz with cracking whips, discharging revolvers & brandished chairs before the peepers of assorted peanut-chewing rubes & wide-eyed urchins-- these guys, unwise, take slippery Sharkey along for the ride. Spoiler: eventually, before the end, he's lion chow. An unholy din on the soundtrack of roaring, infuriated lions, tigers, cheetahs, bears, bleating camels & stampeding zebras permeates the movie. Dr. H. Owll narrates the proceedings. You know, Dr. H. Owll once went to Clyde's circus as a boy. It was memorable. This was after he (Clyde) went to Komar, & also after he discovered a lost race of winged Bat Men in Africa... Then we watch another picture, Doris Wishman's BAD GIRLS GO TO HELL. In this, men, a sordid bunch of leering rapists, are no damn good. So the show covers all the bases. Perhaps this-- this! is the show for you.

March 4, 2016 10:00pm
When Oppressions bore Us Down to Earth, heroick Listener & Fellow-Traveler Monsieur Mob MeAttie sended Slack in Simoleon Form; in return He did request of Us that we Address the Origins of the word "Nincompoop." And for a Bit in a largely content-free Show, We did just That. We admire Dr. Johnson's Assertion, in his deserv'dly famous Dictionary, that the Epithet deriveth, in a Sort of Macaronic Latin, from the Original Phrase in that Language, "NoN COMPOs mentis," used in the Law to Express the Condition of being Out of One's Mind. This despite the Fact that any Evidence for the "Poop" part seemeth here lacking to Our own Apprehension. Then, too, Some point to the Old French Word, Nicodeme, or Nicodemus, in the Holy Bible the Pharisee of that Name who Questioned Our Lord so Naively in the Gospel of St John. Thus, videlicet, a Simpleton. Throughout the Centuries, the Pejorative & Opprobrious Association hath compounded, given the Natural Vituperation of fallen Human Nature; cognate Expressions include Idiot, Moron, Goofus, Stupid Fool, Bozo, Jackass, Pin-head, Jack-a-napes, Retard, Dumb-Ass, Jazzbo, Imbecile, Block-head, Ignoramus, Butt-face, Air-head, Dunce, Ninny, Jerk, Cretin, Nit-wit, Dim-wit, Loser, Dork & especially Dolt. In the early Eighteenth Century, the Word existed side-by-side with its Variant, Nickumpoop. The Late John Ciardi, whom We think the best English Translator of Dante's DIVINE COMEDY, said that the Dutch Vernacular Phrase, "Nicht om Poep," meaning "the Female Relative of a Fool," was the Source. Other Authorities classify the Word Origins as simply Unknown. A Vast Crowd then entered; We found it Arduous to Host them, since They felt Little Interest in Joining Us on our Podcast. 'Twas little Else than an Affront, though cloak'd in Conviviality. Nonetheless, They Cavorted & Frolick'd unto the End of the Proceedings, when, & just Prior to Closing of the Session, Monsieur Michael Peppe at last join'd Us for a Brief but Civil Converse.

February 26, 2016 10:00pm
AND SO it came to pass that the menace of the Cosmic Imbalance was, as ever, at the last nanosecond, averted yet again. Yes! Listener Donations saved the Show from the wickedly sharp scythes of the blood-minded Bean Counters. Goings-on in Eden, in the first mornings of the world, occupied us at first. Then (from SubGenius Headquarters, a special Archival Recording had arrived), new Audio was debuted-- we played it-- right up until the moment Michael Peppe strode into the Studio. And we spoke thereafter of many things in Heaven and Earth. KrOB and Puzzling Evidence hovered, yet each never took up a place behind a microphone. But Peppe fountained forth, and soon the onrushing End overtook us all. No Monster Movie this time, but soon-- soon! we'll travel to unexplored darkest Africa, by dirigible, with Clyde Beatty, to tangle with Bat Men and the like...

February 19, 2016 10:00pm
We start at "IndyVival," with Dr. H. Owll's famed Speech to the Indianapolis, Indiana SubGeniuses some irreplaceable years ago, back in the day (actually, at night). From the Sacred and Sacrosanct SubGenius Archives. Many are the sown pearls of wisdom cast down before seeking, searching and rooting Suidae, delectable candy Easter Eggs for the taking laid gently within the clean, tall grass of this, our Podcast. If not then disgruntled, they then find Michael J. Peppe's arrival equally toothsome and savory. And so it goeth unto the End of the Show (ca. 2:31 AM)--the relentless fountain ever burbles forth. Many are the Voluminous Pains which have been taken to learn the Fate of the Soul upon Disunion, but men have wax'd most Phantastical in the singular Contrivances of their Corporeal Dissolution. Hear and be warned. Which is it-- the Soul sproing-ing off the end of its elastic tether, or the Body beginning its crumble?

February 12, 2016 10:00pm
One of our best shows, but... with 48 minutes remaining, we found ourselves suddenly without power in the studio. Something happened-- who knows what? We're always at the mercy of infernal devices opaque to understanding. Perhaps a guest moved his foot and altered the spaghetti tangle of wires and hookups under the desk. Puzzling Evidence worked tirelessly to restore power, but in vain. Dr. H. Owll then re-booted the computer-- out the window. No, seriously, he did try a re-boot-- and yes, the whole shebang did come back online-- what do you know? --but too late to do us any good. Still, up until that point when all audio ceased, one of our most interesting and informative shows, moving from Victor Frankenstein's Undying Monster, with Count Dracula also getting his oar in, on to ordinarily little-heard subject matter, including aspects of Mesoamerican history and ethnobotany. Not to mention the Sacred Toad, Lord Bufo alvarius... Guests were our friend Jett, visiting filmmaker Oliver Quitanilla, who discussed his new movie LITTLE SAINTS: EAT A MUSHROOM, TALK TO GOD, and, providentially, the well-informed artist David Normal. What a symposium on secret magic and cryptic botany! And going great guns, too, until the idiot machines abruptly rung down the curtain. Well, enjoy it for two hours and twelve minutes, anyway.

February 5, 2016 10:00pm
IN this week's 3 hours, the most distinctive feature is archival audio of Dr. Hal and his late brother, Jeff Robins (obit. 2002) improvising in the manner which distinguishes all such performances. Listening, one also hears Papa Joe Mama (a.k.a.Kurt von Buse Kuersteiner, Obergruppenfuhrer of the Nordland Reich SubGenius Clench) and other voices of yesteryear. Poems of Dylan Thomas. Very Special Effects. This type of talk programming organically formed out of the interplay between the two brothers. Thanks to Puzzling Evidence, we were able to present it in original and unalloyed form. Jeff will always be missed.

January 30, 2016 1:00am
Dr. Hal limped home, but the stayers-on didn't leave until the first fingers of dawn massaged the throbbing sky. And this-- this! is what they left behind.

January 29, 2016 10:00pm
Three hours of Show, and "America's Mussolini," the proto-Fascist toxic tycoon never once referenced. Unique among shows, broadcasts and podcasts. Instead... well, with special studio guest Jett we talked of many things. Old syndicated newspaper comic strip features, for example. And why not? Then two peripatetic beauties, Edie and Sarah, appeared. They came in and slipped into something comfortable. Good old Reloadio Valencia! Then, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB finally appeared, and...

January 23, 2016 2:00am
It goes... it goes... goes on. Caveat emptor. But there are those who are never satisfied with moderate length.

January 23, 2016 1:00am
A large group of guests are featured; among these are Kiko, Jett, MIchael Peppe, Puzzling Evidence, Spy, Sarah and Editn. Or is that next week? We think, probably both weeks. A heavy downpour outside. Four hours of audio metamorphosis. A larger slice than usual. A production of circumstance. Description thereof previously posted, then removed, by person or persons unknown. This is the succedaneum. Kindly mess not avec the posts. Now, the show Dr. Hal planned with Spy could not come about. We like visitors, even, at times, drop-ins, but we had an unmanageable crowd interrupting us, bumping the microphones and complaining about the hook-up. The fans hated it (we heard later). So... let Dr. Hal know if you plan to show-- you can always go, but he has to know.

January 15, 2016 10:00pm
SubGenius show mixes from the Gestalt of a generation of radio performers support this episode. And, we hear "The Convergence of the Twain" by Thomas Hardy, somewhat garbled, but these are the breaks. Like, it's HARD to try to run the Board AND recite the blankety-blank poetry at the same time, dig? We mean, YOU try it. A lovely surprise visitor dropped by in the rain, briefly, not on microphone... But eventually, you will hear that Michael Peppe does come in (ferried by silent, non-participating Puzzling Evidence) to carry us through to... the end, and beyond! But-- you won't hear the sign-off; we ran far, far later than we should have... hosting Peppe is like that, and can be distracting... "Only" 3 hours of this stuff seem to have been preserved. See, Night Owls? There's actually some value in STAYING UP to listen as we do the Show. Who needs sleep? When we left the Studio, Puzzling and Peppe were still going strong. We have the technology. They had the stamina. BUT-- there's an actual physical limit to how much flesh and bone can take in the way of these Marathon sessions, you know? We're not getting any younger. Quite the opposite, in fact. And so, to conclude, we took aim, squeeeezed the trigger... and fired, at Shibboleths and Bugaboos-- direct hit! As Davy Crockett said, "Be sure you're right-- then go ahead!"

January 8, 2016 10:00pm
Another in-studio medicinal visit from Nurse Annabella capped an evening where two radio hosts-- the real thing, in her case --performed ASK DR. HAL! right after just viewing the new Star Wars movie. Approximately 30 (terrestrial?) years after the destruction of the second Death Star, nobody seems to know the current whereabouts of former farm-boy Luke Skywalker, the last remaining Jedi hold-out. The First Order, a crypto-Fascist group reminiscent of the Republican Party, seeks to turn him up again as they eliminate all Progressives in the Galaxy, right around the time Resistance pilot Poe Dameron meets village elder Lor San Tekka on the planet Jakku off to obtain a gas station map to Luke's location. Stormtroopers under Kylo Ren land and destroy the village of Gerlach in order to save it. But terminally cute 'bot BB-8 escapes the "Burn" with the map, and encounters a scavenger, Fay Rey, dumpster diving at a junkyard settlement. At the First Order's Starkiller Base, on a planet-sized superweapon, the old Death Star writ large, Supreme Leader Snoke orders General Hux to use it for the first time, and destroy something, already. As Starkiller Base prepares to fire on D'Qar, the Resistance devises a plan to destroy it by attacking a convenient critical weakness. Apparently they always design these things so that if a rag-tag bunch of barnstormers gets through and destroys one special little component, the whole thing just explodes, with a tremendous noise. With Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and mind-breaking special effects. But, you know, we also spoke of other things on OUR show, especially after deliberately ingesting a "funny" cookie.

January 1, 2016 10:00pm
We look forward to the Future, and the one thing we unquestionably know there will be more of in the Future is... the Past. Time-tripping is featured in this episode, and the "action" persisted after the 180th minute. For our purposes, we will submit three Terrestrial hours, incorporating a much asked-for PAT NOVAK radioplay chapter and the poetry of Dylan Thomas and Clark Ashton Smith. The temporal vortex shifts us to the late Jurassic Period in a forested swamp. There are controversies between various indigenous Dinosauria. Eventually Michael Peppe, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence, appears, and is induced to wax philosophical. His preoccupation is with Creation. He defends his inspiration with much animation. And, a timely donation pays our dues to the station.

December 25, 2015 10:00pm
Hey, kids! OK, all you Rocket Rookies and Etherettes-- get set for a late-hour Christmas Ask Dr. Hal! Show Special. That is, we feature two long-ish poems, one being T.S. Eliot's THE JOURNEY OF THE MAGI and later on John Milton's Hymn: ON THE MORNING OF CHRIST'S NATIVITY, which discriminating fans of the soi-dissant Occult may enjoy. All this in between X-Day iterations sent straight from SubGenius headquarters-- thanks, Stang! (the second of these laced with not-suitable-for-airtime profanities, oaths and expostulations), other ADH addenda and a partial selection of quite unlikely Christmas music, whose veritable "Christmas" essence requires some intense concentration to apprehend. The Officer of the Day, Puzzling Evidence was on board. There was no Christmas live show this night, to speak of that, and there will be no live shows in January on Fridays in the latter P.M. But, this you knew, did you not?

December 18, 2015 10:00pm
Creating the Great Work, one process at a time, we distill a Show Homunculus which works for some, if not all. And the visitors come in; Lord, how they come in. This includes the beauteous Sarah Szczechowicz Goldie and Miss Katy Bell. The latter, though she never really seemed to cotton to the fact that there was an attempt to do an audio performance going on, did speak into the microphone once or twice and, as a bonus, may be heard muttering in the b.g. at other times. Michael Peppe provided the philosophico-scientific underpinnings of this episode for the most part, right up until the official end. But was it the end? After an interval of the music of Raymond Scott, we left the Studio with the indefatigable KrOB in charge. NOTE TO FANS: For reasons best known to himself, Chicken John Rinaldi has cancelled all the live shows we were going to do in the next month.

December 12, 2015 1:00am
The over-spill, for ADH completists (you know who you are). NOW with more strippers! Too bad it's audio, because the visuals are, in a word, incendiary...

Chatroom History
December 12, 2015 1:00am - 4:30am

St. Inkfinger: still going? (2:20am)
vj pussycat: bonus (2:24am)
vj pussycat: are y'all watching a movie? (2:24am)
St. Inkfinger: woot woot! ...and I thought I had missed it, because I nodded off. (2:25am)
vj pussycat: Poseidon adventure (2:37am)
St. Inkfinger: which one? (2:43am)
St. Inkfinger: Lyme sucks (2:56am)
St. Inkfinger: had it.....never froze (2:56am)
mrs: And never will... (3:01am)
St. Inkfinger: Good morning (3:02am)
The Doctors: Please step lively towards the Show. (3:02am)
St. Inkfinger: I am so shown (3:04am)

December 11, 2015 10:00pm
A tumultuous night on Ask Dr. Hal! with studio visitors of note and conversational value par excellence. TEST your Show Endurance with the following extra-bloated Holiday Podcast... Nota Bene: This show starts just about a quarter of an hour late, and apologies to the Faithful are due-- Dr. Howll had to re-boot the entire Station when he came in out of the cold-- then it runs to (gulp!) 2:35 AM Saturday matin. The Darkling Thrush, by Thomas Hardy - X-Day 2014 echoes - Hurricane Carla: I'll Be Glad When You're Dead, You Rascal You - Enter the Goldies - Enter KrOB - Enter Miss E. Harbaugh - Japanese Pornography - A Money Order for $37.09 from kindly, curious listener, 709Austin - Ignorance vs. Enlightenment - Mutiny aboard the Show - Comforted by beauties - Susuma Yokota: Symbol - The Living Creation - Giant Flat-screen Color TV - Wine is a Mocker; Strong Drink is Raging - Two Comely Shownauts, "wired," effect a penetration into Bruno's - A Fretful Husband - Speculation and Indifferent Radio Reception - Concluding Remarks - Our National Anthem - Oh, no! MORE Show! - Our Relations - Stillmore Show District - What if? - Building For the Future - L'envoi... 180 Minutes.

December 4, 2015 10:00pm
A SubGenius Klassik from 1983. Guest Helmsman Cmndr. Puzzling Evidence unearths a ripe-smelling old file from the Cellars of the Nameless Mission. (Far) back in the day, on KPFA 94.1 FM in Berkeley, came the genesis of this sprightly li'l contender in the Pantheon, Mimiko. Not to the Sacred Scribe alone is the Act of Creation where the Figures stand in the Hall of the Unspeakable. Listen, and wonder. During this episode Dr. H. Owll was far, far away in distant Arizona, speaking at the Memorial Service of the late Merl Reagle, the greatest Cruciverbalist on the planet-- and collaborator with Dr. Howll on numerous songs and plays, even an Operetta, "Das Lebensflamme." None of the obits for Merl mentioned a thing about the music, even the one in the NY Times. Now that's all over, Dr. H. Owll is back, and Merl is still deceased. We're getting pretty tired of all these deaths over here at Ask Dr. Hal! N.B.: Previous announcements about the upcoming run of the LIVE A.D.H. Show in January are now invalid. The latest is that these shows WILL be on FRIDAYS, not Thursday nights as we have announced in this space. And so we progress.

November 27, 2015 10:00pm
And so, 58 minutes and change after the conclusion of this podcast, Dr. H. Owll was gobsmacked in the chops, metaphorically speaking, by imminent mortality and the looming arrival of the hour (2:00 AM) of the commencement of his sixty-sixth year. The feeble, tottering old fossil, blasted with eld and freezing old age, managed to dodder along and produce, with palsied hands and wheezing voice, this 181-minute offering, despite icy breaths from the grim and frozen Land of Death. Fun for all, followed by tonight's movie NABONGA (1944), featuring Buster "Flash" Crabbe and the lovely, sarong-clad Julie London, stars of a different gorilla (suit) film showcased on a recent, previous episode. It was a gig, we suppose. Survivor of a plane crash in the dense Equatorial jungle of the Congo Basin, kid Julie grows into sultry adulthood, accompanied by the faithful, devoted ape, whom we learn far too late in the picture (sorry about the confusion) is not, after all, really named "Nabonga" but rather, it seems, the more unimaginative "Sampson." MIGHTY JOE YOUNG this ain't. Along comes Buster, decked out in pith helmet and tropical kit, who, along with the trigger-happy, treasure-seeking, ape-shooting villain (the reliable Barton MacLane), forever disturbs this idyllic Rousseau-esque equilibrium, drags Julie back to Hollywood's vision of the Patriarchal West and puts the ape (most probably played by professional gorilla-suit wearer Charlie Gomorra) six feet under, but not, however, after the big, simian galoot has his way, discreetly off camera but certainly within audio range, with gold-digging Bad Girl Fifi D'Orsay, who fails to survive the too-kinky encounter. Show proper also features Puzzling Evidence (live), Sacred Scribe Ivan Stang, Dr. Philo Drummond, Peter Sellers and the Mutant Mountain Boys, among others. 181 mins.

November 20, 2015 10:00pm
An addendum to the November 20th Ask Dr. Hal! By the Sacred Rutabaga's forbearance, the hangers-on hung on until, ultimately, even they tired of their torqued and twisted tropes and elaborations. Hear the remainder, perhaps even including elements which persisted after Dr. H. Owll limped home, additionally burdened by two huge bags of coffee beans. But that, as they say, is another story. Featuring (most probably) Puzzling Evidence a the helm, with the indefatigable KrOB Sabrepop.

November 20, 2015 10:00pm
The Red Admiral (Vanessa atalanta) has an approximate wingspan of 45 to 50 milimeters. In North America, the species characteristically has two broods, which can emerge at any time during a period spanning the month of March through middle-to-late October. Wintering largely in south Texas after migration, this is the very butterfly celebrated by lepidopterist-author Vladimir Nabokov in his novel PALE FIRE. In a special on-the-spot recording, hear entomologist Daria Goldie describe the life-cycle of Vanessa, after Sarah and Pete Goldie visit the Show. Until then, SubGenius Archives release the post-'Bob'tism reflections of Dr. H. Owll, Sacred Scribe Ivan Stang and Dr. Philo Drummond at Caffeina's at Wisteria during 2015's X-Day Week. In the inclusive, ecumenical spirit of intellectual and philosophico-religious tolerance, Mr. Goldie's unpleasant remarks about the Church of the SubGenius pass without comment. Puzzling Evidence and KrOB make their appearance, eventually stretching the podcast to an inordinate length (see extended episode posting, above: AND STILL MORE: AFTERGLOW, AFTER SHOW).

November 13, 2015 10:00pm
"As the groaning stomach of a growing Nation requires a fulsome feed, to provide a dinner for the population is a mighty task indeed." According to the new Dietary Guidelines endorsed by the National Board of Nutritional Demonology, varying one's caloric intake ensures that it's relatively easy to avoid being entombed forever in the Burial Chamber of the Food Pyramid. This lip-smacking episode of Ask Dr. Hal! is 180 minutes (we exceeded our scheduled time) of gourmandizing, monitored on-site by Studio Guest nurse Annabella, R.N. Also consulting: "Doc" Goldie, KrOB Sabrepop. M.D. and, shadowy and in the velvet background, Puzzling Evidence...

November 6, 2015 10:00pm
Another "bottle" show wherein Dr. H. Owll attempted to craft varying currents into a Flow of Show. Poetick Recitation included The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by S.T. Coleridge, garbled at the end because of persistent distraction, mainly from the ??!!@#&#%??!! studio phone-- ringing again and again after about 40 minutes into the reciting... Y'know, folks, when one is trying to perform a 45-minute poem from memory and trying to accompany the same with music and sound effects, one thing one CANNOT do is stop and take a phone call. Just sayin'. More from the late Whitman McGowan, too-- first our home-grown recapitulation of his rant, "Bobs," followed by the canonical night club recording of the same prophetic piece. NOTE: ASK DR. HAL! the Night Club Show is coming back, at the famed Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, in January and perhaps beyond! On Thursday nights, not Fridays, though. That didn't work too well last time. Watch this space.

October 30, 2015 10:00pm
New mysteries have come to light via the exploration of Dwarf Planet Pluto by the New Horizons Ralph/Multi-spectral Visible Imaging Camera. At the Live Podcast Show at Oakland's XOXO Club, Pete Goldie revealed the albedic nimbus of the unknown and unexpected Plutonian atmosphere, as well as this outward world's mountains, frozen plains and foggy hazes. "Doc" Goldie also put up on the club's Big Screen the so-called "heart" seen on the planet's surface, called Tombaugh Regio (Tombaugh's Region), a curiously flat and smoothly frozen area named for Pluto's discoverer, Clyde William Tombaugh (1906-1997). It lies just north of the Plutonian Equator, northeast of Cthulhu Regio (Cthulhu's Region). Karlyn DeSteno played, sang and was lovely; Rusty Rebar recited and the question-and-answer period, derived from the Ask Dr. Hal! Night Club Show (returning January 2016) was lively. Throughout, Sherilyn Connelly provided computer-derived accompaniment to the audio; a KrOB highlight showcased monsters destroying San Francisco's visible landmarks. All hosted by John Hell. Outside, the peripatetic Doggie Diner Heads loomed on their trailer. Too bad if you couldn't be there, but you do get to listen.

October 23, 2015 10:00pm
Not Rev. Baby Bear, not officially. No, we invoke the tutelary Spirit of the Air Waves, whose light-speed broadcasts ring the Earth and fly at all times into the depths of Space. A "bubble" show, in which the sole board operator, Dr. Howland Owll, entertains himself with various oddments. Among these, new audio from Church of the SubGenius Headquarters in Ohio (Mars), poetry, pedantry, and commercials from the Dawn of Time. Let's hope She (the Goddess) blesses our enterprise, since, as we must always bring ourselves sadly to admit, it's not really Radio we do here, strictly speaking. No appearance from KrOB or Puzzling Evidence, nor did "Doc" Pete Goldie enter with a vinous libation. NEXT WEEK: our Podcast for XOXO in Oakland, in Jack London Square! The first of many, perhaps, or... a dismally failed one-shot. A paying audience ($5, and food and drink are available) will probably decide the issue decisively.

October 16, 2015 10:00pm
Friday night, and the Show is in full swing. First KrOB, then Puzzling Evidence and at last Karen Carpenter trickle in, the latter with wine and cheer. Soon it's time for our off-and-on long-running Narrated Movie feature. Up this week: BATTLE OF THE WORLDS, a 1961 programmer directed by "Anthony Dawson" (read Antonio Margarheti) and (mainly) featuring Claude Rains. Also known as IL PLANETA DEGLI UOMINI SPENTI, the story features a rogue planet, or perhaps a runaway asteroid, said to be from another galaxy(!)--which is probably, one must suppose, a translation error for saying another solar system. This wandering world, in the movie dubbed "The Outsider," mysteriously begins orbiting the Earth (uh-oh), and, wouldn't you know, then threatens it with lethal flying saucers. Rains emotes and over-emotes, saucers spin, model rockets on wires smoke in space and explode, and general tedium reigns. We all have a say in the narration. This was because, basically, we couldn't find the far more enjoyable QUEEN OF BLOOD (1966) with Florence Marly, Dennis Hopper, John Saxon and an aged but still living Basil Rathbone, for free online. Where BATTLE is concerned-- well, now recent discoveries have shown that there are indeed rogue worlds, wandering, un-shepherded by any sun, through space. (Gulp!) As for the plot, with sentient machines set in motion by their extinct creators threatening the human race, the relevancy to our oncoming predicament is too oppressively great. Remember our live podcast from OXO, coming Oct. 30th!

October 10, 2015 1:00am
ART IS SYNTHESIS wouldn't lie down and go to sleep after the official mandated closure time of 1:00 AM on Saturday, October 10th. No, sir, the palaver kept a-happenin' with in-studio kabitzers KrOB, Karen Carpenter and, on Flugelhorn, Puzzling Evidence. Dr. H. Owll was still there too, riding the wave. Give a listen.

October 9, 2015 10:00pm
First a tribute to our friend the late Whitman McGowan. Then, after consuming a Whitman Sampler, we turn to our last live Ask Dr. Hal! Show from April of 2015 (our next will be in January 2016). Poetry periodically breaks forth. We thank those who support our enterprise. And we mix new tropes with old favorites-- madness, violence, arcane obsessions, weird learning and ghastly comedy, all laid out in an atmosphere of po-faced, high Neo-Gothick. But you expected that. With Karen Carpenter and KrOB, toward the very, very end. Upcoming Oct. 30th: our LIVE XOXO Podcast from Jack London Square! Admission for audience members: $5.00 [cheap].

October 2, 2015 10:00pm
This solo effort (by Dr. H. Owll) employs overlayerings of (surprise!) SubGenius Archival Material, from X-Day (2015) and other sources. Although KrOB at one point did stop in, he declined to participate. Among topics: Michael Peppe on Bedbugs, the "Fiend Voices that Rave" and whisper to lonely travelers through the wilderness and the Purity of SubGenius Doctrine (99 & 44/100 %). This is what rushes unceasingly through one cranium. Punctuated by Commercial Announcements from the Lost Past! Coming-- October 30th! Our LIVE Podcast Show at XOXO in Oakland!

September 25, 2015 10:00pm
Back in action, and we're recording. Eveything's goin' fine. And look, it's KrOB! And Karen Carpenter! Puzzling is far away this time, on a separate expedition. Time to break out the liquor and cigars. Man, oh man-- this is solid living. Yes, sir! A Good Cigar is a Smoke. We take some calls. You know, it's for the fans-- "Bob" bless 'em! --that we do it all. We know they're listening, since that's what keeps us going...

September 18, 2015 10:00pm
Hobbled, the injured Dr. H. Owll was conveyed to the Studio by Puzzling Evidence. There a new Show was decanted. The usual opening move, SubGenius Historical recordings from 2015's X-Day Drill (as it turned out)introduced Poetick Recitations from Dr. Howll and the incomparable, ravishing Robin Renee, his aquatic companion on Eastern voyages... More currents and eddies whirled and curled the proceedings around visiting Guest Artists Karen Carpenter and KrOB Sabrepop, until it was time for the narrated film, WRESTLING WOMEN VS.THE AZTEC MUMMY. The latter, it seems, can transform at will into a (rubber-ish)
bat, and even into a Mexican Red-Knee tarantula. And so we close. With a climactic musical passage, the drama comes to a conclusion, all passion spent. Through an unfortunate control malfunction, though, Puzzling Evidence then "smears" the "Outro."

September 12, 2015 1:00am
After the official end-time of 1:00 AM the Show really picked up speed. Though Dr. H. Owll was laid up with a pedal appendage injury, the Monitors made much of the available time and added their unique adumbrations to the ever-elaborating gestalt. About 180 minutes of this. For some, anathema, for others, bliss.

September 11, 2015 10:00pm
After a successful return from the Planet of Dust, Dr. Howll was re-acclimatized and prepared to take up his duties. Unfortunately, however, a gravitational fluke left him completely disabled. The slight jar of landing so damaged his right leg that he was unable to report in to RV HQ. Once again, Team Puzzling Evidence stepped in to fill the breach.

Puzzling Evidence's Dr. Hal Substitute A374-d
September 4, 2015 10:00pm
At Burning Man, the wounded Dr. Hal prepared to do his Stage Show on the following day, the Day of the Burn, completely severed from any hope of altering the content of the scheduled Podcast back in the Cool Gray City of Love, the Land of Poets' Pride... But Puzzling was, as ever, at the helm. The result, critics say, is of a piece with thirty-one plus-odd years of broadcasting for his Secret Masters.

While Dr. Hal Stuggled for Survival...
August 28, 2015 10:00pm
Dr. Howland Owll was at Burning Man, battling daemonic forces in the Accursed Desert. Alone, raving, sick and tempted by Ahriman, Apollyon and Beelzebub (among others)he endured endless dust storms and brain-eroding Dubstep. During this protracted period of penitence, back at Radio Valencia this show was thoughtfully substituted for one he might have done, put in place by Cmndr. Puzzling Evidence, late USN.

August 21, 2015 10:00pm
WE were expecting ultra-attractive Nurse Isabella to be in-studio, in her fetching uniform, to tend to our various needs, medical and Spiritual.
But, as the Norns would have it, she became Stuck in Traffic (not to mention Hooked on Phonics).
Another time, soon, we promise-- provided Dr. H. Owll survives the upcoming, looming juggernaut known as Burning Man.
Meanwhile, a large crowd gathered-- IN the studio!
Present were Ginger Vee and Sleepy Swain, Karen Carpenter, KrOB, Rusty Rebar, Margaretha M'Organ Antic-pantic, Puzzling Evidence, Col. Spozzmo and everyone's newest see-worthy Gull-friend-- the captivating "Brunellita."
Some of them even deigned to get "on mike" while beleaguered Doktor Howll frantically operated the machinery, as you'll hear here! Eat 'em up.
For dessert, the show coasts to an end as Puzzling Evidence reminisces about the Desert...
After this, the Deluge, as a "glitch" causes the "station" to go "off the air..."
Some people are all thumbs. Or, maybe they just have big feet?
They're Hell on "radio," THAT'S for sure.

August 14, 2015 10:00pm
Another excursion to Dr. H. Owll's monomaniacal inner Monster Landscape sorts and eventually picks out the remaining cheese-coated baldrics. As here your favorites, in good order, Rutabaga-shaped morions offer inadequate protection, but warriors of werewolfery persisted just the same in their whiskery Unibrow-mooned monotony, until lyrical parameters were long-established, in true Justice. Domestic tranquility, meanwhile, and provision for the common defense insured the Chatterbox. Even long-distance disruption, NHLG-style couldn't spill the contents of the apple cart, which we kept before the hoarse voices of orange appeal.

August 7, 2015 10:00pm
With poetry by J.R.R. Tolkien and Dylan Thomas. Also featured: Bill Cosby Talks to Kids About Drugs, Whitman McGowan, The Mutant Mountain Boys, Ivan Stang, Princess Wei R. Doe, Phineas Narco, Dr. H. Owll, Priestess Pisces and Reverend Baby Bear. More armchair-quarterbacking on the End-of-the-World which, once again, wasn't that. Newly processed digitations from SubGenius Headquarters comprise the appendicular skeleton. Ominously, all this material begins to seem less post-X-Day than pre-Burning Man... And there was no movie, none at all.

July 31, 2015 10:00pm
On his second show after the return from his far travels, Dr. H. Owll hosts a presentation robustly redolent of post-X-Day ratiocination.
Featured: the poetry of Dylan Thomas and Whitman McGowan.
Speculation and periphrasis. More architecture of SubGenius serendipity; symbiotic synecdoche comes to the fore. We speak of a class of metonymy, often by means of either mentioning a small part for the entirety of the whole, or conversely the whole for one of its parts. Funny how that works. Then, having visited planet Uranus for last week's episode, we turn out attention, via Mario Bava, to, distantly in space, the more exotic, fog-shrouded Vampire world. With the aid of Puzzling Evidence, we enjoy-- or do we endure? --a thorough visit. Not present on any microphone, KrOB nonetheless flits about the studio, finally coming to a rest suspended, head downward, from the ceiling. Show is about two hours and 5 minutes.

July 24, 2015 10:00pm

Back from his lengthy X-Day travels and adventures, after much bargaining with the Xists to "spare Earth over for one more year," worn-out but game Dr. H. Owll presents, in allegorical form (thanks to guest Radio God Puzzling Evidence), the Bulldada Version of What They Have Against Us-- a stunning indictment of bad species behavior by the usual suspects-- humans.
With Ivan Stang and other recent X-Day voices.
St. Andrew the Impaled performs the bawdy SubG classic, "Saucer Built for One."
Then on to our evening cinema feature, AIP's 1962 programmer set on sinister green Uranus, where American astronauts, sent by the all-powerful UN, find, set amidst the -200 degrees C Uranian landscape, the Giant Rat Cyclops, Monster Spider, Pulsating Uber-Brain (radioactive, complete with megalo-eyeball) and comely chorus girls. What were they expecting to find, anyway?
With John "Planet Arous" Agar (the former Mr. Shirley Temple), Greta Thyssen and fetching Hanne Smyrner, the first woman to appear bottomless in PLAYBOY.
Three hours.
Please contribute to the Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show Dues Fund, and "Bob" will bless you, or at least leave you alone.

July 17, 2015 10:00pm
A present-day Ahasuerus, Dr. H. Owll is condemned to roam without rest
among Eastern realms, when the planets are in their present configuration.
Puzzling Evidence Laboratories has, in the meantime, kindly created this
ingenious, life-like synthesis as a succedaneum.
Enjoy the same sort of stuff as always, with added overlays of kibitzing from
KrOB and other co-conspirators.
Dr. H., meanwhile, is engaged elsewhere generating more radio with Stang,
the Head of his Order, which shall in the fullness of time come to light, no doubt
in future iterations...

July 11, 2015 1:00am
A present-day Ahasuerus, Dr. H. Owll is condemned to roam without rest
among Eastern realms, when the planets are in their present configuration.
Puzzling Evidence Laboratories has, in the meantime, kindly created this
ingenious, life-like synthesis as a succedaneum.
Enjoy the same sort of stuff as always, with added overlays of kibitzing from
KrOB and other co-conspirators.
Dr. H., meanwhile, is engaged elsewhere generating more radio with Stang,
the Head of his Order, which shall in the fullness of time come to light, no doubt
in future iterations...

July 10, 2015 10:00pm
A present-day Ahasuerus, Dr. H. Owll is condemned to roam without rest
among Eastern realms, when the planets are in their present configuration.
Puzzling Evidence Laboratories has, in the meantime, kindly created this
ingenious, life-like synthesis as a succedaneum.
Enjoy the same sort of stuff as always, with added overlays of kibitzing from
KrOB and other co-conspirators.
Dr. H., meanwhile, is engaged elsewhere generating more radio with Stang,
the Head of his Order, which shall in the fullness of time come to light, no doubt
in future iterations...

July 3, 2015 10:00pm
A present-day Ahasuerus, Dr. H. Owll is condemned to roam without rest
among Eastern realms, when the planets are in their present configuration.
Puzzling Evidence Laboratories has, in the meantime, kindly created this
ingenious, life-like synthesis as a succedaneum.
Enjoy the same sort of stuff as always, with added overlays of kibitzing from
KrOB and other co-conspirators.
Dr. H., meanwhile, is engaged elsewhere generating more radio with Stang,
the Head of his Order, which shall in the fullness of time come to light, no doubt
in future iterations...

June 26, 2015 10:00pm
A present-day Ahasuerus, Dr. H. Owll is condemned to roam without rest
among Eastern realms, when the planets are in their present configuration.
Puzzling Evidence Laboratories has, in the meantime, kindly created this
ingenious, life-like synthesis as a succedaneum.
Enjoy the same sort of stuff as always, with added overlays of kibitzing from
KrOB and other co-conspirators.
Dr. H., meanwhile, is engaged elsewhere generating more radio with Stang,
the Head of his Order, which shall in the fullness of time come to light, no doubt
in future iterations...

June 19, 2015 10:00pm
Dr. H. Owll helms his last pre-X-Day podcast, resurrecting the dead
and gone hours with his usual competency, such as it is. Moments
on deck include phantoms and shadows of the long-ago, far away
Indianapolis DeVival of 2002(!) among other crumbling historical
Then, another narrated film ends the podcast, this time UNCLE WAS
A VAMPIRE (1959), in its original form titled TEMPI DURI PER VAMPIRI
("Hard Times for Vampires")...
Thanks to Puzzling Evidence, this moldering curiosity is exhumed
and brought back to a shambling counterfeit of life.
An EXTREMELY un-funny comedian plays a cash-strapped Baron
forced to sell his ancestral castle to a hotel chain. Becoming a hapless,
Jerry-Lewis-like bellhop in his former home is one of many indignities
he, not to mention the audience, is forced to undergo...
But then, salvation arrives (from our perspective) as he turns out to
be related to vampire aristocrat Christopher Lee, who arrives for a
(just-in-) timely visit.
Our unlikeable protagonist is made a vampire himself by the usual
procedure. He occupies much time biting the necks of Italian bikini
starlets, until the curse is lifted from him by a kiss from ravishing Sylva
Well, that worked in NOSFERATU, too, both versions. Love can,
apparently, release one from life-in-death, which we have to take as a
theoretical possibility, though indeed greatly longed for, in our own case.
Just after his magnetic performance in Hammer's style-setting DRACULA
(1958), known to Americans as HORROR OF DRACULA, Lee has never been
more charismatic, magnificent or thanatotically glamorous, radiantly
inhabiting his freshly decanted vampire persona. This poor film, though it
boasts Lee and Koscina, both so highly watchable, isn't fit to kiss the feet
of, say, Polanski's great and occasionally even profound vampire comedy
DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES (1967). But here Lee (and lovely Koscina) give
this otherwise nearly unwatchable programmer a major boost.
You'll have to take our word for it as we narrate the picture, unless you
can follow along in approved digital fashion.

June 12, 2015 10:00pm
Omar Khayyam got in his innings during this episode-- then, the Persian Astronomer-poet's contemporary incarnation, Michael Peppe, stepped into the breach. For three full hours the podcast vacillated between the poles of the Sacred and the Profane. IN YOUR FACE, National Public Radio! We're more "educational" on OUR show than YOU could ever be. Now THAT'S Entertainment!

June 5, 2015 10:00pm
While Dr. Hal was in Petrolia, California, up in the state's Lost Coast "undeveloped" area on a field trip of sorts, splashing in the Mattole River with various lovely Naiads and Nereids, that night's Show went on as scheduled, just the same. Though Dr. Hal, even as he enjoyed viewing the Beauties of Nature in the Raw, was yet unable to helm his eponymous program as accustomed, Ask Dr. Hal! show archivist Puzzling Evidence was on the job-- he compounded a savory and appetizing Mulligan Stew of past performances and radio radiance. Dr. Hal, floating in the river, did a live performance for the laughing, un-swimming-suited sirens, which envanesced and vanished on the blossom-scented wind, never to be recorded. But Puzzling Evidence called upon his mighty audio collection to save the day, synthesizing a Radio Valencia show more Radio Valencia than Radio Valencia itself...

May 29, 2015 10:00pm

Life? Life, on the Moon?
Sure, why not. We get into it. And more, with Dylan Thomas, The Uncluded, Baby Bear,
Rev. Ivan Stang and gumshoe Pat Novak, on a case.
The Isle is full of Voices.
And a famous young SubGenius, in fact, has submitted that we're all more or less afflicted--
with a species of mental derangement, symbolized by a paper record of a flying mammal's
But, sadly, she "holds the paper."
There were no special guests, no "technical problems," no Monster Movie, no...
Nobody here but us bats, Boss. That's right, move the comma.
Multitudes contained.
A Stream of Consciouslessness.
Every now and then, we do a good one.

May 22, 2015 10:00pm
That's dealt with fairly soon.
Then comes the part with-- oh, boy! --the Special Show Guests-- Puzzling Evidence! The
Overman, Philo Drummond, a little later on! And, eventually, and terminally, Michael Peppe!
A conversational free-for-all, round after round, among these legendary big-time Sub-
Geniuses and Dr. H. Owll. Quite the fat-chew, eh? What a chin-wag, eh? Eh?
The movie tonight is, or was A Visit to a Small Planet, featuring industrial-strength Jerry
It proved a less-than-stellar (get it?) choice, though, because (1.) The film sacrifices Gore
Vidal's stage play to big-time player Jerry's whims and shtick, and 2. Michael Peppe, with
scattered apprehension, was incapable of following it or commenting on it. Then there's the
unavoidable fact that (3.) the dialogue-heavy script takes forever to move out of the interior
set where most of the first act is set. (4.) In any case, Michael Peppe just yakked loudly away,
right over 95% of the dialogue.
(5.) The long-anticipated scene where Jerry grooves with the beatniks didn't happen, and didn't
happen... finally, Puzz-Ev mercifully advanced the plot, artificially-- and then it happened.
Well, it's no Attack of the Crab Monsters.
But live and learn. Or, depending on who you are, just live...

May 15, 2015 10:00pm

Reverberations, waves, ripples and resonant echoes from the live Ask Dr. Hal!
shows of April still sound in this, our latest podcast.
The last and most riotous of the Chez Poulet shows is featured here, but then,
like eying a far-off galaxy whose light has just now reached us, we behold an iteration
far farther nestled in the Beforetime-- the Eighties, to be more precise.
No, really, 1982-- the younger voices of Dr. Hal, Mobius Rex and Puzzling Evidence
are heard along with that of the late Jeff Robins (1960-2002), whose voice has often been
mistaken by audiophiles for that of his brother, Dr. H. Owll.
An archival recording, made by Puzzling Evidence, from his extensive collection.
And then-- movie time: The Attack of the Crab Monsters.
It seems that giant, radioactive mutant crabs are picking off the cast one by one in
this exceptionally murky and hard-to-see (illegally rephotographed?) print.
Dr. H. Owll's deteriorating vision causes much of what he narrates and describes to
be a mere guessing game. Hot-spot and fall-off are a consistent conundrum.
Then, the outsized shellfish, having consumed the brains of their late victims, call
eerily to the diminishing survivors in the voices of the departed, to lure them into giant
It's not just mimesis-- you can actually hold a conversation with the things, and they
advocate for their point of view, for all the good it does...
While this goes on, below the surface, the monstrous, swollen crustaceans, strangely
transmogrified and hypertrophied decapods of the infraorder Brachyurae, are chewing
away with their multiple mouth-parts at the island's foundation, making it a smaller and
smaller place for the last stand of our blurry, barely visible heroes...

May 8, 2015 10:00pm
We are so far ahead of Conspiracy Science that it's laughable, boy, just laughable.
Look what we got.
A hypothetical means by which memory traces are stored-- or a practical one,
of long-proven provenance.
Thus, a show of impressions from recent iterations of live p'formance, alive, alive-oh
at the uber-fashionable Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, which in common parlance is yclept
"Chicken John's Warehouse."
Where the Elite Meet, reet?
The recording quality? Better, according to blowback, feedback and payback.
Performance quality? Well, this... be, er, a more... nebulous entity.
And we intersperse poetry, music and various gags. Wow!
We're getting back in our groove, see? Now, everyone calm down. Keep telling
yourself... it's only a show. It's only a show...
Next Week: The Final Show of April, and far, far before...
Then, Movie Night! Hint: Watch Out For Gigantic Crustaceans.

May 1, 2015 10:00pm

It was a month of doing live shows, April was. And we tried to keep the radio show going during
that time, but that proved to be somewhat rough sledding.
Those live shows and Radio Valencia shows, you see, were on the same day at the same time.
And somehow, something always prevented the podcast from going out properly...
Here at Ask Dr. Hal! we resist the idea that our serial misfortunes had anything to do with those
shows dedicated to textual exegesis of the notorious Al Azif or Necronomicon of the so-called "Mad
Arab," Abdul Ashif Bethel Muhammed Alhazred (668 - 732 A.D.), known historically as Abdul Alhazred.
We managed to obtain a verifiable copy and decided to share it with our audience.
That weird misfortunes of various kinds seemed to beleaguer the show after we introduced this
unique and, we thought, interesting subject material, a Grimoire or book of ancient magic in
fragmentary form, is and can only be pernicious superstition, a typical case of correlation without
Then came the First of May.
So once again on the show, after the usual poetico-musical interludes, we returned to Alhazred's
Unfortunately, a mysterious illness, seemingly out of nowhere, strongly afflicted Dr. Hal and may
have negatively affected and distorted that evening's podcast. Somehow we made it past that part of the
program, utilizing counterspells, cantrips, talismans and sacrificial procedures.
Then to the lighter side of the show. Puzzling Evidence visited and our commentary can be heard
for the last seventy-five minutes, commentary on the motion picture JUNGLE MOON MEN (1955) with
Johnny "Jungle Jim" Weissmuller, midget actor Billy Curtis, the voluptuous Helen Stanton in the role
of Moon Goddess Oma, and Kimba the chimp. With all this, we ran an extra quarter of an hour.
Dr. Hal is now convalescing, receiving visitors, and is expected to be on the job again next week.

Live at Chez Poulet on April 17th 2015
April 24, 2015 10:00pm
This show is a live recording of the Ask Dr. Hal Show at Chez Poulet on April 17th, 2015.

April 17, 2015 10:00pm

Listen and wonder-- these are the first eighty minutes of the live Ask Dr. Hal!
Show going on a mile away over at Chicken John's warehouse, the fabled Chez
Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, on the 10th of April...
Then... well, let's just say there were, not recording problems, but this time a
problem playing the recording.
Oh, if we kept this relay process up long enough we'd surely, surely get the
hang of how to do it.
Anyway, there's only one more example of our attempt to present the live
show coming your way-- next week's.
After the first eighty minutes herein, a huge, hour-long gap, or hole, of
excruciating dead silence opens up in the record.
You will not encounter it, ideally.
This aperture, this pause, this fermata, has been skillfully closed after the fact,
stitched together by ADH's own adroit in-house audio surgeon, Dr. Fiasco.
Any irregularity greater than what might be expected as part of our usual
product should be blamed, in this instance, on the Monster, not the Doctor.
Luckily, there's a reserve of post-show skylarking and kibitzing to call upon
by the usual in-studio gremlins, in place of the vacuous vacuum.
Don't expect a full-length, industrial-strength episode this time, however.
Onward and upward!

April 11, 2015 12:00pm
ASTRONOMER ROYAL Pete Goldie (to the Ask Dr. Hal! Show) provides Expert Scientific Assistance. What we (or the Station) would ever do without him we just don't know. Probably simply go out of existence, like decaying particles in the farthest reaches of Space...

April 11, 2015 1:00am
A recording of sorts, made at the live Ask Dr. Hal! Show on April 10th.
We are consulting with experts in the field and doing everything possible
to improve the sound duplicating process.
At the same time, inevitable limitations on the ability of the equipment to
provide acceptable acoustic balances within the performance space have
produced, at best, a flawed version of the recorded presentation.
Some voices, we readily acknowledge, are blurred; others are too "warm"
--which is to say, too near the local microphone. Crowd noise at times partially
muffles the amplified vociferation from the stage.
And yet, if one listens patiently enough, one may gain a partial under-
standing of what it must be like to be attending one of the now-ongoing live Ask
Dr. Hal! Shows, as executed at "Chicken" John Rinaldi's Chez Poulet Gallery-
The hoarse, expostulating voice heard continually throughout, hectoring,
browbeating, is that of Chicken himself.
The loud, explosive and unending laughter emanates from the vicinity of
the Smoke Pot Guys. And the latter is well-recorded indeed, since the ambient
microphone was nearer those laughers than it was to the stage, to Dr. Howll
and Chicken John.
Every now and then something, or a piece of something, seems to
Well, next week's, as we've said, should be better.
We'll be back to doing our usual podcasts as of May 1st.

April 3, 2015 10:00pm
A matter of timing, of shoring up spaces to be filled-- in this case,
ruminations on chronology.
From February 27th, actually.
We were off doing the first of the anticipated 4 live shows at Chez
Poulet, you see.
The plan is that the audio from these will be posted here.
But, beware!
Yes, there was a show-- a quaint , contrived re-creation of our once-
revolutionary past.
Something like Colonial Williamsburg.
You shall hear for yourself, faithful follower. But the audio-- well, it's
often... muffled, and made incoherent by crowd noise...
Every now and then something, or a piece of something, seems to
emerge. For gleaners only, we fear that show will be, on Radio Valencia.
Deciding to run it was difficult... By the next week we will attempt to
solve this, and many other problems...

March 27, 2015 10:00pm
We continued with textual criticism of the legend-haunted grimoire,
the Necronomicon of Abdul Alhazred, the "Mad Arab."
By golly, though-- there was yet another suite of weird audio and
technical problems. And we suppose they tend to come with this
particular territory.
This time those included being haunted by hallucinations,
epiphenomena, we suppose, of deteriorating eyesight.
Often these take the form of phantom insects. Hateful ones.
Regrettably, these have not gone away.
But there was more... finally, another narrated film, the BullDada-istic
Hercules Against the Moonmen, starring screen thespian Alan Steel.
This vintage motion picture runs half an extra hour, Etherettes and
Rocket Rookies.
Puzzling Evidence and KrOB hovered, but again didn't come
"on the air," though one can just make out Puzzling, during the narration
of the picture by Dr. Howll.
Remember, a performance series is coming up the next month which
will achieve, we hope, at least partial coverage on the program.
Yes, we'll be trying something entirely new, offering an audio version
of our Friday night live show at Chicken John's Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret.
Next week won't be live, or entirely so.
Expect a so-called "re-run" for at least the first few hours.
Or, maybe not. KrOB seems to think we can somehow cover the show
at Chicken's.
It's in the Lap of the Gods.
Some of you can guess which ones.

March 20, 2015 10:00pm
More on the Necronomicon, with critical commentary... Some of the
more famous verses are explicated. Yes, some of that actually "got out."
But there were repercussions. There are always repercussions.
We hear studio guest Dr. Penny give a two-part sermon on Slack and
other SubGenius tropes. Flailing, failing studio equipment add greatly to
the ambiance. Coincidence, or Conspiracy?
Dr. Howll was exhausted, as it happens, exhausted-- from a scary, far
Northward trip comprised of, among other ingredients, car crashes and
poetick recitations...
But the show lumbered and labored on.
KrOB, Pete and Puzzling, the Apocalypse Triplets, were actually
present but, as is so often the case, not heard, or helpful...
The show ends, but then Dr. H. Owll narrates, with Dr. Penny's help,
the vintage motion picture PREHISTORIC WOMEN (1950), featuring lovely,
fur-clad Laurette Luez. Not, we hasten to add, PREHISTORIC WOMEN
(1967) with lovely, (less) fur-clad Martine "Nupondi" Beswicke.
The Pterodactyl attack is surprisingly good, in its own weird, floppy way.
Too bad no one without access to the picture can actually see it.
Still don't know how it was done.
Maybe in a future show... So many cavegirls, so few (perhaps) remaining
An extra hour (at least) is added to present this material, Etherettes and
Rocket Rookies.
Then, KrOB and Puzzling elbow Dr. Howll aside and begin their own
cacodaemoniacal sound assemblage, loaded for bear.
But that's not recorded here. We hear they left the studio in a reeking
mess, which our good friend Bullwinkle later completely cleaned up...
And just wait-- our shows at Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret (known less
euphoniously elsewhere as Chicken John's Warehouse), upcoming, will
spring through the month of April.
And, harken, Etherettes, Rocket Rookies, true believers all-- in that
coming month we'll be trying something entirely new, offering an audio
version of our month long live show at Chicken John's. Never before ever
attempted. Successfully, that is.
Next week-- more visitors! Ideally, human ones.

March 13, 2015 10:00pm
The Ask Dr. Hal! Show continued in its efforts to present passages
from, and critical commentary on, the legend-haunted Necronomicon.
But, after introductory remarks... Funny how every time we try to do
this, something interferes. In this case, KrOB appeared and diverted the
show. Coincidence, or Conspiracy?
Then all chances of re-directing it into its original channel were lost
when Puzzling Evidence also appeared.
Well, we had a good time going over familiar ground. The fans didn't
seem to mind. And just wait-- our shows coming up will vault over these
and all other impediments...
And, harken, Etherettes, Rocket Rookies, true believers all-- in the
coming month we'll be trying something entirely new, offering an audio
version of our month long live show at Chicken John's Chez Poulet Gallery-
Cabaret. Never before attempted. Successfully, that is.
Never let it be said that we rest upon our laurels, at the hardy Ask Dr.
Hal! "Radio" Show! Until we do, that is.
Next week-- more visitors!

March 6, 2015 10:00pm
THESE THINGS HAPPEN. Take a deep breath. Perhaps some of the other passengers may be willing to help you. It's easy to be taken advantage of, embarrassingly, to lose things in the Big City. The point is, there are also those who are willing to help.

February 27, 2015 10:00pm
The Treasures of Time lie High, in Urns, Coins, and Monuments, scarce below the
Roots of some Vegetables. Time hath endless Rarities, and shows of all varieties; which
reveals old things in Heaven, makes new Discoveries in Earth, and even Earth itself a
A night chewing the fat, as they say. Kicking the old ball around. A nice, long chin-
wag. With KrOB, the sole studio guest.
Rival Oddcast Nose Hair Lint Gland's own Karen Carpenter kept attempting to disrupt
the flow with a barrage of phoned-in questions, effortlessly fielded by Dr. Howll.
Samples of Ask Dr. Hal! shows from far-off places and times, from earlier cycles, invade
the Noosphere.
Also featuring the poetry of Dylan Thomas. Music of Yokota Susumu, from Symbol,
the Reverend Baby Bear and other proven sources. Excerpts from Negativland's new
album It's All in Your Head. We quote extensively from DJ Female Convict Scorpion's Bill
Cosby Talks to Kids About Drugs. And then there's that live, a capella rendition of the
re-worked lyrics from Hanna-Barbera's The Tom and Jerry Show...
Three irreplaceable hours of your life that you will never, ever get back.

Chatroom History
February 27, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: Praise the sweet name of "Bob". (10:41pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Sweet? Sweet? No, no, "Bob" has a name as sour as the sourest persimmon. It's "sour" so as to be understood. Yes. It is certain. (10:44pm)
Dr. Penny: Oh yes, and fuck "Bob". (10:46pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Precisely. Fucker. (10:47pm)
Dr. Penny: Fuck'r harder. (10:47pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: His is no sweet-thang prison bitch... he is only sweet when he wishes to be... (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: Sweet fuckin'. (10:49pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Like the sweet girl in the dress picking that daisy as the countdown to nuclear detenation rings out in the background... (10:49pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Yet, little do they know... if "Bob" chooses then, yes, that daisy stem is the wire, itself, which may disconnect the fuse switch which leads to our destruction... or NOT. (10:51pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: It.. uh... all depends. (10:53pm)
Dr. Penny: Poppies! Poppies! Poppies! (10:53pm)
Dr. Penny: Slack can allow any which way. (10:54pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Oh, sure, all of this might provide more "yucks" than your bar Mitzvah.., (10:55pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: or her bat Mitzvah.. (10:56pm)
Sesame Street alien: And the worst part of this downer is that you're in a room with Bill Cosby. (10:56pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: or that Catechism, SUnday School, est seminar... (10:57pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Sure "Bob" might make you think, for a time, that it's all a big JOKE... (10:58pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: sure, sure, sure sure, SURE (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Hee hee hee, Earl, not too many of us remember that LBJ commercial anymore. (11:08pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: We've no need to remember it, I suppose, provided we're prepared to live it. However, then it becomes a lot of Hots-On-For-Nowhere, everyone addicted to the cynically hip "End Times Porn" Rev. Stang warns us about. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: I say live it, or live with it. (11:12pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: The Middle Way is the hardest and most rewarding. The string must be tight enough but no tighter to strike the correct note. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: Just the right amount of Slack. (11:13pm)
Errrrr-rrrl: Therefore -- be not overly cynical. Be hopeful and comforted. He/She/It who has ears to hear, let He/She/It kisten. (11:14pm)
Dr. Penny: Perfectly balanced on the slack wave. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: I love the Banana Splits. My grandma sent us the promotional bowls and cups when we were wee. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Gentlemen. (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Danger Island!? (11:21pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: It's some of that Hannah Barbara Santa Barbara stuff KrOB thankfully plays. (11:22pm)
Alan B.: So much beefcake in the studio. (11:23pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: A Hanyah Nagilah Cartoon Production (11:23pm)
Alan B.: For having COPD, he was doing good to make it to 83. (11:23pm)
Alan B.: So everybody, quit smoking everything but (11:24pm)
Alan B.: 'frop. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Hal, I got paid, the dosh is in the post. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter was attracted by all the beefcake, calls for a reachover. (11:25pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: Who? (11:25pm)
Alan B.: I know, right? I mean Pete Goldie. (11:26pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: They aren't blasting him into space, he needs to be buried quickly. (11:27pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: I mean Sir Nimoy. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Houston, this is Tranquility Base . . . I can't believe that we are on fucking Vulcan. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Sir Nimoy was pretty observant. He does need to be interred post haste. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: 30 day delay. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: 30 day notice. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Okay, Hal, I'm paying the dosh directly to RV NOW. (11:29pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: I'll let them talk and stop typing. This box is usually only acknowledged On the Air for its complaints. But YEAH, send something fo this precious, entirely indispensible internet broadcast. Send it in. C'mon. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Doing it now. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: And done. The farm is saved. (11:34pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: Yeah, everyone reading these words, send. Send it. Send. Send it on. Who ELSE can do an audio efffort like this one? (11:34pm)
Errrr-rrrrl: And very often in stereophonic sound. (11:39pm)
Alan B.: We need to just get some Hadrons up there, stat! (11:40pm)
Alan B.: Can we use Folger's Crystals, if we can't find Dilithium? (11:40pm)
Alan B.: WHY can't you START making PROGRAMMING SENSE?! (11:43pm)
Alan B.: Hot Velma: (11:45pm)
Dr. Penny: Sounds like they've already got hadrons. Folgers is for 3am. (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Dr. H.A.L. signs off on Space Jam?! (11:45pm)
Dr. Penny: Luscious. (11:46pm)
Dr. Penny: They believed that they could fly. (11:47pm)
Dr. Penny: More amusing is the man in the background with the cigarette. (11:48pm)
Karen Carpenter: want: (11:49pm)
Food.:::: Now speak about me. (11:50pm)
Alan B.: Hipster analog chic. (11:50pm)
Drink.::::: And leave me not out... (11:50pm)
Dr. Penny: He's turning the corner with his feet, maybe a pass around his neck, at a comic con, out for a fag. (11:50pm)
Dr. Penny: His watch is not the one Pete wants. (11:52pm)
Lawyer Penny: Yes, he wants the 0400 to 0800 watch (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I am Spock's Dad. (11:54pm)
So: , fly Dock's Spad. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Hal, check yer mail. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: IBM and the Holocaust (12:00am)
The Night People: So? (12:01am)
Alan B.: SPACE JEWS (12:02am)
Alan B.: -- Space Jews (12:02am)
Or: Cosmic Tribe (12:03am)
Oreders: Take your leisure at Tao Ying (12:03am)
Alan B.: Meesa love ask Dr. H.A.L.! (12:03am)
Alan B.: Start Trek Bible -- got it. (12:04am)
Alan B.: Start Drek (12:04am)
Alan B.: SEE! Jews in space! (12:05am)
Dr. Penny: Star Drax (12:05am)
Alan B.: Peak is about an hour into the show when the tracers start and you need trip toys. (12:11am)
Alan B.: Ask Dr. Hack. (12:17am)
Karen Carpenter: KrOb is as yakkity yak as Dr Hal (12:21am)
Alan B.: He is loquatious as hell, yes. (12:22am)
Alan B.: loquacious (12:22am)
Alan B.: That's not how I orgasm, just saying. (12:23am)
Moon Men: Leave Us Be! (12:24am)
Alan B.: That song was awesome (12:33am)
Alan B.: My old man told me it means: Loose Straps Mean Floppy Titis (12:37am)
Malbourough Man :'s M.y F.ingers T.ired (12:37am)
Alan B.: approved. (12:38am)
Glass Smoking Tube: I'm hiding...heee heeee hheee heee (12:38am)
Cigarette Smoking Man: I'm alive . . . with pleasure! (12:39am)
nexus006: I live about 50 minutes south of you guys and yes we do wave to each other. (12:39am)
Lass Cloaking Booth Troll: So? (12:40am)
Alan B.: I've got a TRAIN to catch! (12:40am)
Dr. Penny: When the light is green, the trap is clean. (12:45am)
The Phone Company: Love Us. (12:47am)
The Phone Company: And, We hate The Science Guy. (12:47am)
The Phone Company: It's Fresno. (12:48am)
Alan B.: Fuckin' Fernet (12:51am)
Alan B.: No fucking in the kitchen. (12:51am)
The Phone Company: It's Fernet. (12:51am)
The Phone Company: It's Freedom. (12:51am)
Alan B.: Belligerent caller is belligerent. (12:52am)
Karen Carpenter: "it's hip to nate on pete" (12:53am)
nexus006: What kind of watch is it? (12:53am)
Karen Carpenter: (12:53am)
Alan B.: That's the difference between a citizen and someone who just does his how. (12:54am)
Alan B.: show. (12:54am)
Alan B.: That's crazy, there is no icthyclaus. (12:54am)
Karen Carpenter: they can have more children (12:54am)
Alan B.: I bet that $12 watch is of the finest quality. (12:54am)
The Phone Company: What's the phone # there? (12:56am)
Alan B.: 415-962-7979 (12:56am)
Alan B.: Four minutes left to pledge your support for the ask Dr. H.A.L. show. Replicants standing by. (12:57am)
Puzzling Evidence: U Staying? (12:58am)
Alan B.: What the actual fuck? (12:58am)
Puzzling Evidence: U Calling In? (12:58am)
Puzzling Evidence: He? (12:58am)
Puzzling Evidence: U? (12:58am)
Alan B.: 12 hour Ask Senor H.A.L. marathon. (12:59am)
Puzzling Evidence: You can't keep a Hal happy... (12:59am)
Alan B.: Cuckold Cocoon Cock (1:00am)
Karen Carpenter: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (1:00am)
Puzzling Evidence: I'll be right over, then... (1:01am)
Alan B.: NO SLEEP (1:01am)
Puzzling Evidence: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (1:01am)
Karen Carpenter: oh, yah, I go to work kin 6 hours. (1:01am)
Alan B.: Why is he playing To Anacreon in Heaven. (1:01am)
Alan B.: ? (1:01am)
Puzzling Evidence: Means the parade is a third over, on a sultry Shenandoah Valley afternoon...... (1:01am)
Alan B.: And now, The Best of Robo DJ (1:02am)
Puzzling Evidence: Not so, Meat. (1:02am)
Karen Carpenter: RoboDJ on KrOB (1:02am)
Alan B.: Au revoir, mes amis. (1:07am)

February 20, 2015 10:00pm
There bee certaine Cantrips, older than Recorded Time, which emergeth from
the Black Grimoires of the Esoteric. Stones have been known to Move, & Trees to
Speak. All the Operator needeth to do, to make certaine the Work proceedeth Rightly,
is give Utterance to that Realm of Speech which unlocketh the Daemonic Power from
the Spheares. Where Others Listen, the Lesson descendeth, undisturb'd, like unto a
Caul or Mantle over the Soul, as sayeth Eibon in his Booke. So do ye Listen, and thou
shalt bee Verily made Pregnant with the Keys, will-ye, nil-ye. Ia! Shemhamphorash!
And so forth, and so on. Well, things were going swimmingly, heh, heh-- when,
suddenly, we took quite a different direction as nosy newsgirl Justin "Lois" Credible
darted into the room and began to interview Dr. H. Owll all about-- you guessed it-- the
Church of the SubGenius. Wow! Who saw that coming? Had to change course...
She got her "scoop," while Puzzling Evidence, Karen Carpeter and KrOB all
yukked, cackled and roistered.
They had a great time. Will you?

February 13, 2015 10:00pm
I, Dr. H. Owll, was unavoidably detained, lecturing on Hieronymus Bosch
at Chicken John's megalo-spectacle, The Fallen Cosmos show.
So, Puzzling Evidence, Karen Carpenter of rival RV show Nose Hair Lint
Gland and KrOB swung into action.
Featured was an authentic recording of the entirety of the last live Ask Dr.
Hal! Show at Viracocha in January of 2015.
And then... and then... matters took their course. At length, I dragged
myself in to try to get the program back on track.
Boy, did we go into some overtime.
Although the themes of his work were religious, his choice of symbols to
represent the temptation and eventual ensnarement of Man in earthly evils
caused many early critics to view Bosch as a practitioner of the occult arts.
More recent scholarship views Bosch simply as a talented artist who
possessed a deep insight into human character, and as one of the first to
represent abstract concepts in his work.
Next slide, please.

Chatroom History
February 13, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Hmmm. Is this a rerun after all? (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Adulterated rerun. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Gotta go. Take it easy, all. (10:56pm)
Grush Godd: This is the last live show at Veri-coacha, weeks ago... (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Back. Jesus. (11:36pm)
Alan B.: I'm dizzy....... (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Wait. Can see the least people!! (11:40pm)
St.Inkfinger: Am I too late (11:48pm)
Alan B.: And without pants (11:50pm)
St.Inkfinger: I'll take a triceritops any day (11:50pm)
St.Inkfinger: How did you know? (11:50pm)
St.Inkfinger: I still have my socks on though (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Rock on wid yur socks on! (11:56pm)
St.Inkfinger: Hmmm (11:57pm)
St.Inkfinger: I'm done rockin' for the night (11:58pm)
St.Inkfinger: froppin' in my socks (12:00am)
brooding noodler : thoughts for foodlin' (12:01am)
St.Inkfinger: usually happens after froppin' (12:02am)
Alan B.: SubGenius? (12:05am)
St.Inkfinger: What else? (12:06am)
St.Inkfinger: since 2000 (12:07am)
St.Inkfinger: We chatted on FB before. (12:08am)
The FBI: Chat Away. (12:14am)
St.Inkfinger: Does it come in a spray bottle? (12:14am)
a robert zemeckis film: starring tom hanks (12:15am)
St.Inkfinger: He's an industry icon (12:16am)
St.Inkfinger: Clint Howard is a master thesbian (12:23am)
The PodCast: is the Show. (12:24am)
St.Inkfinger: one would hope (12:25am)
The PodCast: One must Beelive. (12:30am)
St.Inkfinger: or at least have a passing curiosity. (12:32am)
St.Inkfinger: Wasn't the White Knight talking backwards? (12:34am)
St.Inkfinger: Everybody mambo! (12:59am)
St.Inkfinger: Heimdall (1:04am)
The PodCast: Fuck Gomplaints! (1:08am)
St.Inkfinger: Who's complaining? (1:08am)
The PodCast: Ize Know! (1:09am)
St.Inkfinger: snot eye (1:09am)
a robert zemeckis film: (1:20am)
The PodCast: A Robert Altman Film (1:26am)
The PodCast: What about Me Show? (1:26am)

February 6, 2015 10:00pm
Plans change, rain falls and the postponement to next week, of the live
show Dr. H. Owll had signed up to be in, left him free--- free to watch monster
movies on his show, brokered by Puzzling Evidence.
And so it was, first The Vampire Bat (1933) with Lionel Atwill, Melvyn
Douglas, Dwight Frye and the haunting Fay Wray among others. Hear our
spontaneous reactions.
Then stay with us as we encounter the far more disjointed and bizarre
Sex Maniac (1934), based on Poe's "The Black Cat" with references to his
"Murders in the Rue Morgue" --also containing numerous gratuitous scenes
of women lounging around in their lingerie.
Outside, the rain fell heavily and strong winds howled.
Inside, we folded into our podcast two strange, compelling films, both
with the persistent subtext of the creation of artificial life.
How rewarding life, and even artificial life, can be...

January 30, 2015 10:00pm
Dr. H. Owll could not be in the studio during this episode.
He was in "Chicken" John's huge and confusing specatcle, The Fallen
(And, next week he'll be in the last two nights of that extravaganza as
well, also unable to be present on Radio Valencia.)
That's when Puzzling Evidence, KrOB and even Pete Goldie stepped
into the breach. Not uttering a word into the microphones, which they seem
to find distasteful, they produced a substitute "radio" show entirely spliced
together from recorded bits of this and that, tag-ends, remnants, outtakes
and trims, various sound effects and music cues-- an inventory from their
ever-present laptops, I-phones and I-pods.
Oh, old Dr. Howll was "on there," just the same, now himself another
recorded snippet. Quite a snippet, too, as we hear. Perhaps you'll enjoy that
selfsame snippet.
Then, hours afterward, footsore and weary (you try to stay on your feet
for three hours explaining The Garden of Earthly Delights to an indifferent,
uninterested crowd of so-called hipsters!), Dr. H. limped into the room,
present and accounted for indeed after making his weary way there from
Chicken's big wing-ding.
So there was a little bit that was "live" at the end.
And what an end, too. The program finally concluded after running way
over! After going on, and on...
Next week: more of the same!

January 23, 2015 10:00pm
Not as the plants and flowers of Earth, growing peacefully beneath a
simple sun, were the blossoms of the planet Lophai. Coiling and uncoiling
in double dawns; tossing tumultuously under vast suns of jade-green and
balas-ruby orange; swaying and weltering in rich twilights, in aurora-curt-
ained nights, they resembled fields of rooted serpents that dance eternally
to an other-world music.
Strangely enough, even though KrOB and Puzzling Evidence visited
the studio in corporeal, physical form, neither would deign to lend his voice
or commentary to the Show, despite repeated exhortations.
At one point, an incongruous, squealing sound effect was audible in
sudden cry, unneccessarily interpolated into Dr. Howll's presentation, shot
into the mix sportively by KrOB.
But no voice spoke to punctuate this fragmentary violation. And live
recitation from the show host continued, as the only alternative interposed
between the lengthy cascades of recordings, largely documented echoes of
other preserved shows diuturnally dead from earlier cycles.
No extra half hour was required, this time, for this iteration, which ended
at the proper temporal terminus; but had there been listeners, their ears would
have heard the two outliers break the snaky, Mesmeric fascination of their
laptops, seize the microphones and the studio, and, coming into their own,
produce the longed-for hybrid of past, present and future influences, a gift to
lay upon the flower-strewn sacrificial altar of an unknown god.

January 16, 2015 10:00pm
An extra half hour was required for this presentation, in which we finally
reached the long-awaited semi-simulcast of Mario Bava's unearthly horror
film with John "Tumak" Richardson and the supernaturally visaged Barbara
Steele, thanks to a tech assist from visiting Monster of Radio Puzzling Evidence.
It was a bumpy ride getting there, however, as can perhaps be heard...
Visiting studio guest Dr. Penny and companion Kat experienced a "Bob"
-related Epiphany sometime during the event, causing consideable peturbations
in the Noosphere. Or perhaps it was the wine?
For reference consult Coleridge, Samuel T., "Christabel," and Ackerman,
Somehow, we got through it all, despite a cacaphony of ranting, mumbling
and cavernous belches. Good vs. Evil-- who really wins?

January 9, 2015 10:00pm

The time has come to admit that after more than 2,000 years of back-and forth proofs
and counterproofs, any debate about the existence of God has reached an unsolvable
impasse. Here at Ask Dr. Hal! we have our own approach, a Church of the SubGenius-
brokered, so-called "War on God." Meanwhile, not far away, seething and murderous
fanatics are marshalling their forces to attack the Sunday School Picnic. We include
selections from Negativland's "It's All In Your Head," their new album (which comes
with a FREE Bible)! Omar Khayyam also makes a return appearance. But then, we
descend to almost Absolute Zero Radio, as the substitute Monster Movie precipitates
a calm-- a Dead Calm. Take that journey with us, and have your Reward here, not in
Heaven later.

January 2, 2015 10:00pm

Experiments with mutation in programming and sound formation
have lately been conducted under the aegis of the Church of the
SubGenius. In particular, recent mutants of praxis have included the
double-teaming of the Creature From the Black Lagoon soundtrack
and the juxtaposing of Susumu Yokota's Symbol with archival Ohio
radio achievements. William Blake's Auguries of Innocence first
started us off. Followed live recapitulations from, and converse with
Rusty Rebar; KrOB came in, but he didn't plug in. No one will have
to look at drugs at 8:00 in the morning. It was all a day before the big
show, the one at Viracocha on Saturday night... Well, we broke the
curse, had a good crowd, even made a profit. Hear it here prefigured.

December 26, 2014 10:00pm

We featured the debut of another Pat Novak episode to start off
our last show of the year. Treacherous dames, gangsters and
gunsels, served up in seasoned noir style by the ever-reliable
Pooh-Bah Players. It was a privilege.
Music of dope-smokers. Poetry of Whitman and de la Mare.
SubGenius X-Day reportage in situ from the X-Moment itself,
Then, after a while, we got around to the narration of PRC's "White
Gorilla" (Suit) Epic, White Pongo, starring Buster Crabbe and Julie
London. Encountering this material was of long interest to your
Editor; if the listeners were also diverted, we should find that
outcome agreeable.
Some of First Spaceship on Venus, known in Germany as Der
Schweigende Stern (The Silent Star) and in Poland under the
name Milcz ca Gwiazda, some of this, indeed, was added, but we
then closed up shop, forty minutes overtime.
We'll have to come back and try this another time if we want to
follow what happens when they land on the Morning Star.
Meanwhile, we're counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at
Viracocha again-- January 3rd!

December 19, 2014 10:00pm

The Siege of Belgrade in the 15th Century was documented by early 19th
Century newsman Alaric Alexander Watts, in his alliterative alphabetical
poem. So we threw that in.
But soon we, my stout companions and I-- we'll go on that diet after the
holidays --were engaged in a unique voyage through the High Frontier of
free-associative flight. Using the latest technical equipment, and also
benefiting from top scientific expert assistance, we iteratively broke
through barriers of standard thought and unimaginative rumination.
Featuring Karen Carpenter, Puzzling Evidence and KrOB.
Meanwhile, we're counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at
Viracocha again-- January 3rd! Will it be broadcast? The audio will
probably be good...

December 12, 2014 10:00pm

More tag-ends and remnants from X-Day Drill 2014, that disturbance in
the heart of existence. Join fanatical SubGenius "Savonarola" Stang as,
in desperation, he leads his torch-bearing minions against a creature
more fantastic than the human mind can encompass...
Among the ancient, overgrown trees, dire signs point to the presence of
an unimaginably malevolent force, unconfined, on the loose and ravening
for human blood. But this is no mere monster movie. Recorded on the spot.
Poetry, philosophy and Powers of Pedantry fill up the chinks between
the kinks. Ancillary material by Whitman McGowan, Gregory Peck, the late
Peter Sellers and others. Gags, novelties, Cosmic truths.
We often, in fact, call on a uniquely gifted group of performing ministers,
prophets, teachers and archivists, each the possessor of specific talents,
abilities, knowledge and techniques of the spirit. They present parables
and living examples to wean wee SubGeniuses away from doctrinal error,
credulity, superstition and fanaticism. Right from our studio.
Meanwhile, we're counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at
Viracocha again-- January 3rd!

December 5, 2014 10:00pm

Another Monster Movie, Lippert Pictures's 1959 oddity The Manster,
serves as the holiday centerpiece for this piquant Reloadio presentation.
With Puzzling Evidence. KrOB visited the studio too. Dr. H. Owll starts
with Keats but soon wallows in the obscurity of long-forgotten Pop
Culture, narrating the clumsy tale of a red-blooded Ugly American who
ultimately rips into two beings, after a lengthy indulgence in protracted
angst. Then, it's into the volcano for the bad one, a hairy and murderous
But the "fun" doesn't stop there, as we then visit a slice of The Evil Brain
from Outer Space before going our separate ways. Single-antenna'd Starman
battles deformed Marpetians ruled by the suitcase-dwelling Brain of Balazar.
With Tervo Ishii, Akira Mitsuwa and Koreyoshi Akasaka. Meanwhile, we're
counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at Viracocha again--
January 3rd!

November 28, 2014 10:00pm

I, Dr. H. Owll, became 64 years old on the day of this show.
The epigraph was Robinson Jeffers's poem, Vulture, a remnant
of the Rev. Baby Bear influence. This program then featured the
entirety of the 1959 German horror film, with commentary by Dr.
Howll, Puzzling Evidence and Pete Goldie, while excited fans
watched and listened at home. When the mysterious, obsessed
Dr. Ood (Horst Frank) arrived at the laboratory of Prof. Abel and
Dr. Burke and volunteered to help the former with his experiments,
the professor was working in some unusual directions, including
keeping the detached head of a dog alive on an operating table for
several days. This process is technically known, among mad
scientists, as Perfusion. Through plot developments, Prof. Abel
awoke from an operation to find himself now a living severed head,
perfused by laboratory apparatus. Dr. Ood next contacted one Irene
Sanders, a hunchbacked nurse and former patient of Dr. Burke's,
and completed his plans to replace her body with that of an
attractive nightclub stripper. Unusually, for movies like this, the
operation was a spectacular success, though some may prefer the
stripper's original head. A mysterious pipe-smoking man also
prominently figures in the plot... Birthday festivities conclude with
a blow-by-blow account of The Day Time Ended (1979), or at least
the good parts.
Again, deranged edits segue into a cascade of echoing glossolaliac
madness, the voicing of lyric ruminations from the free-falling brains
of disintegrating personalities.
Counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at Viracocha
again-- January 3rd!

November 21, 2014 10:00pm

A SubGenius Load, with a vengeance.
Deranged edits segue into a cascade of echoing glossolaliac
madness, the voicing of lyric ruminations from the free-falling brains
of disintegrating personalities.
And some people, demented individuals, obsessively record every
word and squealing sound effect. Of course, you may just hate it.
With: Poetry recitations from Dr. Hal and Rev. Baby Bear and a
live studio visit by Puzzling Evidence. More news coverage by Ace
reporter Carol Denney. More of Ivan Stang. And is Too Much, in every
case, always Better Than Not Enough?
Counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at Viracocha
again-- January 3rd!

November 14, 2014 10:00pm

The Kraken and the Great Sea Serpent make an appearance, along
with Dr. P. Goldie, who provides a review of recent widely-publicized
Space Science experiments. With: Whitman McGowan, Peter Sellers,
Professor Elemental, Rev. Baby Bear, Princess Wei R. Doe and Ivan
Stang. News writing by reporter Carol Denney.
Counting down to the upcoming live show: ADH at Viracocha
again-- January 3rd!

November 7, 2014 10:00pm

Everyone in my neighborhood these days only looks down at the glowing Distraction Box he or she
carries at all times.
That's why they miss some of the stranger denizens, who used to be only glimpsed making their
stealthy rounds as I took my late-night walks. Now they're out in force, even by day, emboldened, since
nobody can see them. Explained on the show.
In addition, pedantry, poetry, much of Stang and the Gang. Puzzling Evidence sits in, helps make a
crisp ending. Breaking News: ADH at Viracocha again-- January 3rd!

October 31, 2014 10:00pm

Halloween, and a re-run.
The owl Archimedes, familiar of Merlin the Enchanter, is the Psychopomp who takes us, in the initial reading, to the undiscovered country of Kennaquhair, whose latitude is 91 degrees North and longitude 181 degrees West, the domain and demesne of Athene, Goddess of Wisdom. There we observe the lives of the trees, at thirty years a minute, and then the lives of the rocks at two million years a second. All thanks to Terence Hanbury White.
From the sublime... to elswhere, as we feature St. Andrew the Impaled's telling performance, from X-Day 17, of his lyric, "Low Standards."
Also with Baby Bear, Professor Elemental, Spy Emerson, Rusty Rebar and DJ Female Convict Scorpion ("Bill Cosby Talks to Kids about Drugs").
An a capella rendition, better unremarked and forgotten, emits from Dr. Hal as, tormented, he channels Frank and Nancy Sinatra's "Life's a Trippy Thing" ("Gettin' Stoned on Sunshine").
Then there's the Techie who Looks Through my Windw. What to do?
NEXT WEEK: Mo' Show...

October 24, 2014 10:00pm

A special sound mix accompanies Dr. Hal's recorded reading of Brian Aldiss's story
The Legend of Smith's Burst. Then the Studio Gang arrives and (ultimately) finds its way
on to the microphones.
"Doc" Goldie pours the wine, and the evening expannds like a contented stomach.
Electoral prospects are the meat for our well-rounded round-table discussion.
Next week: Re-runsville, since Halloween is too big to be avoided.

October 17, 2014 10:00pm

"And while the Poem on the Show was read,
Nestled with Music in its new-made Bed,
Then came the jangling Telephone, and, Lo!
'Twas Michael Peppe in the Poem's stead.

"Such Chaos then did Peppe there create,
The Poem fled, and sought another Date,
Perhaps an unborn Broadcast yet to come,
Perhaps to nothingness, if thus its Fate.

"Meanwhile did Puzzling and KrOB come in,
Usurped the Board, and added crazy din
To change the Show, unutterably, and
Tacked on two extra Hours-- or, were they Djinn?

"Ah, me! So often will the Show be turned,
As if by baleful Magic, all aim spurned,
Against the fleeting Dreams of Dr. Hal,
To be a New Thing-- all-too-often learned!"

October 10, 2014 10:00pm
A solitary effort, despie the hovering presence, later on, of Puzzling Evidence in the studio.
Absorbed in his laptop, he never accepted the invitation to come to the microphone.
A mlange of music and poetic fragments, the show also contains a call from a distant fan.
Keep those calls coming, folks!
And the wild wings were raised above her folded head, and the soft feathered voice was
flying through the house as though the she-bird praised. And all the elements of the slow fall
rejoiced, that a man knelt alone in the cup of the vales.

October 3, 2014 10:00pm
"She, to whose person paradise adher'd,
As courts to princes; she, whose eyes enspher'd
Star-light enough t' have made the South control,
(Had she been there) the star-full Northern Pole;
She, she is gone; she is gone; when thou knowest this,
What fragmentary rubbish this world is
Thou knowest, and that it is not worth a thought;
He honours it too much that thinks it nought."
--John Donne
As Doktor Reverend Baby Bear wanders far away, among the stars,
Dr. Hal, robot-like, curates a show of SubGenius odds and ends, an
automaton without soul or inspiration.
Some of those bits are pretty funny, though.
No one else is present in the yawning void; no one comes into the
studio to visit, this time.
Except KrOB, at the very, very end.
Next week: more fun!

BABY BEAR... and "THE GANG..."
September 26, 2014 10:00pm

Doktor Reverend Baby Bear appears for her final three hours of radio on Dr. Hal's show.
But in come Puzzling Evidence, KrOB and Karen Carpenter of NHLG-- and pretty soon,
they've plugged their Infernal Devices into the board-- and her voice must contend with an
overwhelming wash of sound effects and snarky clips.
Still, as always, she does more than hold her own.
After the show concludes she tries to stay on for the AfterShow, but the Noise Avalanche
roars louder than she cared to prevail against...
Since then, the fans have all weighed in on her favor.
So ends her conquest of Left Coast Bay Area Radio, and whatever "Radio" Valencia is.
And now she's gone.
Some say she'll return, but they say that about Jesus, too, and both returns require an
Apocalypse, don't they?

September 19, 2014 10:00pm
This show, only this show, We are truly more than happy to declare That the Guest with whom this special show we share Is the Reverend Baby Bear. This show, only this show, No one else dropped by to share our bill of fare-- Just one other was there with me on the air-- It was the Reverend Baby Bear. Hear, hear us conversing, Hear us rehearsing For next time; Hear, hear us dispensing All we're condensing On line. This Show, only this show, We are truly more than happy to declare That the Guest with whom this special show we share Is the Reverend Baby Bear.

Chatroom History
September 19, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: Wow, that really must've been a lot of sawing of wood to build that big ark. (10:05pm)
Dr. Penny: Praise that sweeeeeet name of Bob!!!!!!!!!! (10:07pm)
spy emerson: can't hear her!! (10:12pm)
spy emerson: boyo (10:17pm)
spy emerson: subgenius power (10:18pm)
spy emerson: activate!!!! (10:18pm)
??: Why does he insist on complaining about the internet when that's how his audience actually hears him? (10:19pm)
spy emerson: google glassholes (10:19pm)
spy emerson: skin flute (10:20pm)
spy emerson: sasssafrasssss (10:20pm)
spy emerson: david BOTTOMS? (10:21pm)
Dr. Penny: I hear the show due to slack. (10:22pm)
spy emerson: ooohHHhh ... the girl can poem. sweet. (10:24pm)
spy emerson: i am suffering (10:26pm)
??: Baby Bear is right about that thing abt being their own tormentors/ (10:29pm)
??: she correct to question it. (10:30pm)
Dr. Penny: The head certainly is bloody, especially during period sex. (10:35pm)
spy emerson: blow me. (10:38pm)
spy emerson: HEY!!!! HAL...... (10:41pm)
spy emerson: THE PHONE IS OFF THE HOOK!!!!! (10:41pm)
Observing: He sounds busy. (10:44pm)
spy emerson: hallllllll (10:47pm)
Observing: Perhaps he'll listen to her advice abut that knee. (10:56pm)
Observing: Well, eternallife on this earth is a different thing than eternal life elsewhere, Babay Bear. Hal might inform her of this. Mebbe. He ought to. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Eternal vampyric life would probably suck, but being a de-balled, lobotomized resident of Jesus' Heaven with my dead Mom and dog would probably rock. (11:13pm)
Alan B.: Sweaty yeti. (11:28pm)
Sesame Street alien: being a lobotomized vampire running around after women like reanimated JFK would at least be entertaining for someone else. (11:34pm)
spy emerson: its busy!!! (11:35pm)
spy emerson: the phone IS OFF THE HOOK!!!!! (11:35pm)
spy emerson: hey, someone else is using my name on here!!! (11:36pm)
spy emerson: imposter (11:36pm)
spy emerson: poser spy (11:36pm)
Spy Imposter: Hey! (11:37pm)
Spy Imposter: Calm down! You now have an imposter, here. Isn't that becalming? (11:43pm)
spy emerson: hal!! can you mention a few things!!?? (11:49pm)
spy emerson: 1. the people's climate march in oakland at lake merit this SUNDAY. lucky and i will be there (11:49pm)
Observing: He seems busy. (11:49pm)
spy emerson: and also... i have an indiegogo campaign for the hook-up truck (11:50pm)
spy emerson: HEY HAL!! (11:50pm)
spy emerson: yes i did! (11:53pm)
spy emerson: i dis (11:54pm)
spy emerson: cause its BUSY (11:54pm)
spy emerson: do it baby bear!! (11:54pm)
spy emerson: yes (11:55pm)
Spy Emerson: be sure to throw your money away on my kcikstarter (11:55pm)
Spy Emerson: ' cause there's nothing like a joke without a punchline (11:55pm)
Spy Emerson: Hey can you hear me? I'm on the radio plugging shit so people look at me! (11:56pm)
Observing: Ah, she's managed to get through the distractions. (11:57pm)
spy emerson: Hey, there's another imposter using my name (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Slander! (11:59pm)
Alan B.: Give a fuck in the Fuck Truck. (12:00am)
vj pussycat: Don't call it that (12:01am)
spy emerson: bully on the chat box (12:01am)
spy emerson: a powerless little nerd (12:02am)
vj pussycat: Will the real spy emerson please stand up (12:02am)
spy emerson: that me (12:03am)
spy emerson: be (12:03am)
spy emerson: I'm an ARTIST! (12:03am)
spy emerson: thats the bully (12:03am)
vj pussycat: Where? (12:04am)
spy emerson: there! (12:04am)
vj pussycat: The one sitting down (12:04am)
spy emerson: if you shoot, you might hit the wrong one (12:05am)
vj pussycat: I think the bully is gone (12:05am)
Alan B.: Pime Taradox (12:06am)
vj pussycat: Existential isn't it (12:07am)
spy emerson: the bully is posting as me. not gone. (12:08am)
spy emerson: I'm going back to when people cared about The Hookup Truck (12:08am)
spy emerson: you are a mean person (12:08am)
spy emerson: obviously you have nothing yourself going on (12:08am)
spy emerson: so you pose as me and say mean things (12:08am)
??: What's so "bullying" about calling it a "Fuck Truck" ? Maybe that was intended as a positive. (12:09am)
spy emerson: I decide what is mean and that's art too (12:09am)
??: Oh, that makes a lot of sense. (12:10am)
vj pussycat: I always liked that name for it. Spy expressed it not be called that. (12:10am)
spy emerson: IM LOGGING OFF!! GOODBYE fucking asshole bully posing as me. (12:10am)
??: I didn;t call it that, but it seemed complimentary to me. (12:11am)
Alan B.: It was said with tolerance. (12:11am)
??: Right, exactly. (12:11am)
vj pussycat: Is ?? The bully? (12:11am)
spy emerson: SOMEONE IS POSTING AS ME, SPY EMERSON (12:11am)
??: I didn;t call it a "Fuck Truck" initially, I was repeating the comment. (12:11am)
spy emerson: THEY ARE BIENG VERY MEAN (12:12am)
spy emerson: fuck truck is totally fine. (12:12am)
Alan B.: I promise you that I'm an asshole but only under this abbreviated name, and not at Ms. Emerson's expense. (12:12am)
spy emerson: posing as me is not ok. (12:12am)
??: Which are you saying is mean, the posing or the "fuck Truck" matter? (12:12am)
vj pussycat: Cool. I like it better. Probably not as marketable tho (12:12am)
spy emerson: posting under my name is mean (12:12am)
??: Yes, well, that does seem to have stopped, unless you are the imposter. (12:13am)
Alan B.: I have other thoughts about what kinds of statements are mean . . . less said the better. (12:13am)
spy emerson: marketing is art too (12:13am)
spy emerson: THATS THE POSER (12:13am)
??: the one who said marketing? (12:13am)
spy emerson: THERE! (12:13am)
??: well, the name of the truck was more interesting, however; what is the name of the vehicle? (12:14am)
??: I am not posing as spy emerson, I am ?? (12:15am)
Puce schag on a sausge fest: Stop being mean! (12:15am)
vj pussycat: Yea Hal's right. Don't look at the chat (12:16am)
Copy"Bob": Operation: Cancel All Counterfeit Spys Commence (12:16am)
Puce schlag: Organizing "Sausage Fest 2014" (12:17am)
??: So, everyone give Spy Emerson validation. Go ahead. Hurry. She's upset. (12:17am)
??: Okay, I will do it: she has a vehicle that is not called a "Fuck Truck" but something more savory... what is it called? (12:18am)
??: Anyone? Okay, I will look it up to be certain. (12:20am)
Love Lorry: Am I the right answer? (12:20am)
??: She has obtained some notariety with a concept and, I believe, and actual vehicle, called "The Hook-Up Truck".. so... so... (12:21am)
??: So Fathom the Conecpt. (12:21am)
??: COncept. (12:21am)
STD Shack: I am certainly not the answer. (12:23am)
??: I mean, you know, Grasp the Idea. The Hook-Up Truck. Got it? (12:24am)
??: STD Shack? No, this thing is on wheeels, apparently, and run by petroleum products, but it's okay in this case. (12:24am)
??: It is no shack, it's a motor vehicle of some kind. (12:25am)
Connubial Carryall: This is a stretch. (12:26am)
??: (If you ask me, it's some manner of Truck... (12:26am)
??: That's oretty good, though. Connubial Carryall. (12:26am)
??: That made me laugh. (12:26am)
Fornication Flatbed: How about this one? (12:27am)
vj pussycat: Ooh good one ff (12:27am)
??: But now you're being "mean" so "lay off"... (12:27am)
??: That's not bad, either. (12:27am)
Wet-Spot Wagon: Now, this is geting silly. (12:28am)
??: Fornication Flatbed, ha ha. SOrry, but it's funny. Its just another way of plugging this Hook_uP Truck business, if only it might be seen that way. (12:28am)
vj pussycat: Lotion in motion (12:29am)
??: At least no one is calling it The Syphilis Cycle (12:29am)
vj pussycat: Haha (12:29am)
Johnny Potsmoker: That's excellent. (12:30am)
??: Gonerrhea Gogart would also be entirely inapropriate in plugging the thing. (12:30am)
vj pussycat: Stop it (12:30am)
??: GoCart, that is... (12:30am)
Exploitation Express: Said with love. LOVE. (12:31am)
??: Yes, LOVE (12:32am)
vj pussycat: Hal, did you go to sleep? Come back Hal! (12:32am)
??: LOVE, but she will not see it. (12:32am)
vj pussycat: Sexpress (12:33am)
??: Sexpress sounds like public transport. (12:33am)
Dr. Penny: Bob's slack is so great, he can't experience pain or distress. (12:33am)
Logorrhea Cha Cha Cha: But what are words for, if no one listens anymore? (12:34am)
vj pussycat: Pubic transport (12:34am)
Dr. Penny: Word, on public transit. (12:34am)
??: Pubic Transport, that's pretty good. (12:34am)
Dr. Penny: Those sperm sure get around. (12:35am)
Johnny Potsmoker: Agreed, that's sweet. And who can be unhappy when Peter Sellers is impersonating Jimmy Durante? (12:35am)
??: I guess ther is also the reknowned Metrosexual. (12:37am)
vj pussycat: Nah. Doesn't sound mobile (12:37am)
??: The New York Municipal Rubway. (12:37am)
Johnny Potsmoker: Tryst Trolly (12:37am)
Johnny Potsmoker: And if you go by yourself: Onanism Omnibus (12:38am)
vj pussycat: Sexportation (12:39am)
vj pussycat: Service (12:39am)
Dr. Penny: He said climactic. (12:39am)
??: Disney has, of course, The... Monorail (12:39am)
Johnny Potsmoker: MONORAIL! I LOVE IT! (12:40am)
??: Hal, we are making jokes, here, be fair. Are we complaining? (12:40am)
Dr. Penny: No need for a monorail when there in a two fisted tail. (12:40am)
Johnny Potsmoker: Let the beluga foreskin claim you, Baby Bear. (12:40am)
??: WHo is complaining? well, someone was complaining, true, but most of us are merely cracking jokes. (12:41am)
Johnny Potsmoker: That's easy: Logorrhea (12:41am)
vj pussycat: I was being serious ?? (12:41am)
Alan B.: I would never complain about show. (12:42am)
vj pussycat: Nor would I (12:43am)
Dr. Penny: More show good. (12:43am)
??: Someone ws complaining, true, and we all know who it was... the remainder were making harmless wise-cracks. Gosh. (12:43am)
Alan B.: How much could you get for the beluga foreskin couch? (12:44am)
Golddiggers of 2014: Brother, can you spare a dime? (12:45am)
Dr. Penny: Just hit the cervics big. (12:46am)
??: I feel ashamed for merely beng here. What on Earth am I doing here? Like a previous, actual complainer, I am signing off. My goodness. (12:46am)
So long, ma, : I'm off to join the cervix. (12:51am)

September 12, 2014 10:00pm
The owl Archimedes, familiar of Merlin the Enchanter, is the Psychopomp who takes us, in the initial reading, to the undiscovered country of Kennaquhair, whose latitude is 91 degrees North and longitude 181 degrees West, the domain and demesne of Athene, Goddess of Wisdom. There we observe the lives of the trees, at thirty years a minute, and then the lives of the rocks at two million years a second. All thanks to Terence Hanbury White. From the sublime... to elswhere, as we feature St. Andrew the Impaled's telling performance, from X-Day 17, of his lyric, "Low Standards." Also with Baby Bear, Professor Elemental, Spy Emerson, Rusty Rebar and DJ Female Convict Scorpion ("Bill Cosby Talks to Kids about Drugs"). An a capella rendition, better unremarked and forgotten, emits from Dr. Hal as, tormented, he channels Frank and Nancy Sinatra's "Life's a Trippy Thing" ("Gettin' Stoned on Sunshine"). Then there's the Techie who Looks Through my Windw. What to do? Next Week-- Baby Bear LIVE!

Chatroom History
September 12, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

earl: HAL, You are thinking of Will Smith (11:25pm)
Earl the Almost Imperfect: God give me.. strength! (11:26pm)
Earl the Almost Imperfect: But Sinatra was a tremendous drinker! (11:42pm)
Earl the Almost Imperfect: Except for ME-EEEEEEEEEE (11:47pm)
Earl the Almost Imperfect: Hey, it's really great to be here. (11:49pm)
Earl: This is confusing, whether contributions in this box or on the phone are of any importance to those participating in the studio. I shall go and contemplate this! Sayonaras! (12:10am)
What is this?: Yes pie (12:22am)
What is this?: I love pie (12:22am)
SPY: I need pie (12:23am)
SPY: I want pie (12:24am)
SPY: SPY (12:24am)
SPY: $PY (12:24am)
SPY: SPY PIE (12:25am)
$PY: This too... (12:25am)
$PY: blackberry (12:26am)
$PY: SEX CRUMB PIE (12:27am)
$PY: I WROTE IT! (12:28am)
$PY EMERSON: The faker.. (12:29am)
Dr Hal: Me too (12:29am)
SPY: Roofie Spy Pie (12:30am)
Pie: in the fickin' Spy Sky (12:30am)
Dr Hal : Must push button, must eat pie of Spy (12:31am)
$PY EMERSON: Pie for everyone! (12:31am)
$PY EMERSON: Pie for me (12:33am)
Kirk: Spock Pie (12:33am)
Cable: I've been put out (12:33am)
Cafe: This! (12:34am)
Hal: can't stand not being center of 'tension (12:35am)
And: Hal loves to watch (12:36am)
Earl: HAL< just put up an unsightly picture facing this neighbor you're complaining about. (12:36am)
Earl: Like a big drawing of an atomic explosion that you've crafed to look unpleasant. (12:36am)
Angst: is so prevalent (12:37am)
Craf: is the present of crafed (12:39am)
Earl: on the phone (12:40am)
Show: this is much better than the murderer discussion (12:40am)
God: Time for the naked Spy (12:41am)
Not: his idea of, he did not produce those films (12:45am)
$PY EMERSON: Time for naked god (12:45am)
Not: more than 1 dollar to get in thaetre (12:46am)
Not even SPY: Nope (12:51am)
$PY EMERSON: Not $PY (12:51am)
$PY EMERSON: Cool start rek sounds (12:51am)
Not even SPY: Hal Hal Hal (12:51am)
Not even SPY: How do I get super cool art babes to like me? (12:51am)
Not even SPY: I like thems.. (12:52am)
Try: being your self (12:54am)
Spy : left out on the cold (12:54am)
Not even SPY: This never works... (12:54am)
Not even SPY: Except for that one time...;) (12:55am)
Not even SPY: Always can (12:55am)
Anyone: can (12:55am)
Spy Emerson: I wanted to everyone to fully understand that my love of Jerry Lewis knows no boundaries. Jerry! Thank you. (12:55am)
Radio: is, save when it snot (12:56am)
Spy Emerson: loves Jeryy (12:56am)
Not even SPY: Noooooooo!.... (12:58am)
Spy Emerson Also: I know it's like me and Jerry sittin' in a tree (12:58am)
Some Kinda Spy: this is not broadcast, nor narrow, nor airie at all (12:59am)
Not even SPY: So many SPY's (12:59am)
Spy Emerson Also: K. I. S. S. I. N. G. (12:59am)
Not even SPY: Ready (12:59am)
Some Kinda Spy: and set (1:00am)
Spy Emerson Also: Smooching like crazy, me and JERRY!!! Yum. (1:00am)
Thank God: That's over (1:00am)
Not even SPY: I like kissing. (1:00am)
Hm: Gee, it sounds as if she especially likes kissing Jerry, huh? (1:01am)
Not even SPY: What's next? (1:01am)
RoboDJ: rules (1:01am)
Hm: Does she mean Jerry Lewis? Wow. Ok, night! Have fun with that. (1:01am)
RoboDJ: rules (1:02am)
Come over: And get me stoned .! (1:02am)
Kimona My House: stunned....we was stunned (1:03am)
SUre.: About what (1:06am)
Kimona My House: bout mo sho (1:14am)

September 5, 2014 10:00pm
Recovering from desperation and dessication in the Desert, Dr. Hal springs back to life in his first post-Burning Man radio show. Featured: after "The Owl and the Vulture," a poetick rumination, the ADH show debuts the third of the Pooh-Bah Players's Pat Novak for Hire radio detective series, "Ruben Calloway's Pictures." Hour of Slack No. 1477 excerpts provide post-14-X-Day ruminations. Whitman McGowan chimes in with "Bobs" from his Caught in the Act CD; we also hear "Hypatia" by Italo Calvino, from the Dr. Fiasco-produced Invisible Cities of Italo Calvino CD, performed by Dr. H. Owll. Another vulturine poem, the sublime "Under the Vulture Tree," by David Bottoms, precedes Whitman's "Unconfirmed Report" and "Be Nowhere Now," both from Caught in the Act. And Dr. Hal provides an a capella performance of "[Then I Know that I'd be] Satisfied with Life." KrOB, a drop-in visitor, helps round off the show with his usual technical finesse. No vultures were harmed during the making of this program.

Chatroom History
September 5, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: hooray (10:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: join me in st louis for free drinks this hot september (10:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: damn that was badass dame (10:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: good evening dr hal, glad you are back! (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how was burning man? sorry i missed the first 15 minutes of the show (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: =] (10:38pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yikes (10:38pm)
earl: okay DON'T stick up yout thumb. Gee, you're dumb." (10:41pm)
earl: Stang has taste regarding that ripped dress in King Dinosaur.. Good for him. (10:49pm)
earl: Oh, Hal, what did you ever hide under the seat while seeing? (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i'm here for you Hal - it was a hard week at the office and this is my favorite entertainment (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Long Live Radio (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: indeed! RV is the best (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: =[ (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: well that's a bummer (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hah! (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: they posted the exact stream in the #subgenius chat at Taphouse (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it might be up to 8 listeners =] (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: have you been to almost all of them? (11:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha (12:03am)
DrPantzFunkley: jack lord have mercy (12:03am)
DrPantzFunkley: hi krob (12:04am)
nexus006: Kroooob! (12:04am)
DJ MEOW: YAAAA Krob!! (12:05am)
Sesame Street alien: quien es mas macho (12:06am)
DrPantzFunkley: woohoo (12:07am)
DrPantzFunkley: DJ Meow (12:07am)
DrPantzFunkley: happy saturday (12:07am)
DJ MEOW: Oh ya!! (12:07am)
DrPantzFunkley: =] (12:08am)
Alan B.: Hung Dong Phooey (12:09am)
Alan B.: All Tomorrow's Particles (12:10am)
Alan B.: Planet of the Grape Ape (12:11am)
Alan B.: Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'. (12:12am)
Alan B.: Mock out with your cloaca out. (12:12am)
Alan B.: Would the last FCC agent to leave please turn out the lights? (12:13am)
Alan B.: Russian hands and Roman fingers. (12:13am)
malderor: text (12:16am)
Alan B.: The Muddy Mudskipper Show! (12:16am)
Alan B.: Wilcommen to Boning Man. (12:17am)
malderor: man, the chatterbox sucks (12:17am)
malderor: how far (12:17am)
malderor: is it (12:17am)
malderor: from (12:17am)
malderor: finland (12:17am)
malderor: to (12:17am)
malderor: russia? (12:17am)
Alan B.: Any Russian will tell you Finland is already in Russia. (12:17am)
malderor: heh (12:18am)
Alan B.: Larry Harvey was a fag! He was too, you boys! One time I hung two-way mirrors in his pad in Brentwood. Came to the door in a dress. (12:19am)
malderor: what do the finns say? (12:19am)
malderor: the hell he was. (12:19am)
Alan B.: (12:20am)
Alan B.: Skeeters (1993) Trailer (12:21am)
Alan B.: All loser cast (12:22am)
Alan B.: Spiders Movie Trailer (2013) (12:23am)
Alan B.: Benefit - If I Owned a Midget [HD] (12:25am)
Alan B.: Alpha and Omega (12:25am)
Alan B.: They'll do anything for fifty bucks. (12:27am)
Alan B.: Bringing peace and understandign to the coloreds, or whatever. (12:28am)
Alan B.: Miss Collagen (12:29am)
Alan B.: Mary-Jane Rottencrotch (12:29am)
Alan B.: Never give up! (12:31am)
Alan B.: S.I.B. (12:32am)
Alan B.: Pure energy (12:34am)
Alan B.: Procter & Gamble Mr Clean Commercial 1958 (12:38am)
Alan B.: Banned Cartoons NTSC (12:40am)
Alan B.: There's no prob with "Fob." (12:46am)
Alan B.: Why Am I Mr. Pink? - Reservoir Dogs (12:47am)
Alan B.: The Last Projector Changeover - STRAND Theatre, Ocean City, NJ 9/5/1988 (12:49am)
Alan B.: Thank you, Dr. Hal and KrOB. Have a good week. (12:51am)
Alan B.: Engage! (12:55am)

August 29, 2014 10:00pm
Dr. Hal is still on the Kobol playa learning the truth of the opera house, and Sherilyn Connelly, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, and Pete Goldie are trapped in San Francisco due to an Icelandic volcano erupting inside BART. Meanwhile, Venus Flytrap can't think of the word "poi," and Johnny Fever just wants to get blazed back in his Winnie.

Chatroom History
August 29, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: what's going on (11:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: woohoo - who's there (11:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Oddesy was the bomb (11:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: there was a space game I used to play on a friends oddesy but can't remember any of the names or anything (11:11pm)
Sesame Street alien: so it's nineteen eighty what, two? (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: good question, that's probably right (11:23pm)
DrPantzFunkley: `moon knight was cool (11:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: at least had a cool costume (11:30pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is that KRob in the house? (11:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: night fellas, thanks for the delectable audibles (11:46pm)
Sesame Street alien: The ten thousand things, / How long do any persist? / lol stupid TV (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Is this the Boning Man simulcast? (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Energy dense and protien-filled. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: Devolved (11:56pm)
Alan B.: from watching Twilight Zone (11:56pm)
Alan B.: to watching game shows. (11:56pm)
Alan B.: DEVO was right. (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Show me CUM! (11:57pm)
Alan B.: O, Heavenly Dog! (12:00am)
Alan B.: The film stars Benjean, billed here as Benji, Chevy Chase, Jane Seymour and Omar Sharif. (12:01am)
Alan B.: Here's Uncle Joe, he's a movin' kinda slow at the Junction. (12:01am)
Alan B.: Bababooey. (12:02am)
Alan B.: (12:03am)
Alan B.: A lie. (12:04am)
Alan B.: (12:06am)
Alan B.: Keep. It. TOGETHER! (12:06am)
Alan B.: (12:10am)
Alan B.: It will be like the end of "It's a Wonderful Life." (12:16am)
Alan B.: Daddy, teacher says, (12:17am)
Alan B.: every tiem (12:17am)
Alan B.: you drop (12:17am)
Alan B.: a Whip-It (12:17am)
Alan B.: cannister, an (12:17am)
Alan B.: angel gets its wings. (12:17am)
Alan B.: (12:18am)
Alan B.: The corner of Police and Eat Streets (12:22am)
Alan B.: (12:24am)
Alan B.: (12:27am)
Alan B.: And the French. (12:28am)
Alan B.: Sacre bleu. (1:00am)
Alan B.: The brown note. (1:02am)

August 22, 2014 10:00pm
Hal was off being tortured by the Master for failing as Torgo, so Sherilyn Connelly, KroB, Puzzling Evidence, and eventually Pete Goldie dive into the Videodrome. The tone of the hallucinations is determined by the tone of the tape's imagery, and it just keeps going.

Chatroom History
August 22, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: You blasphemous SubGenii must convert to Islam this very instant or I will decapitate every last one of you infidel puppies. (10:17pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Especially Mikey Peppy and Momma Joe Poppa and Puddling Evidence (10:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: K-Rob gets it first for being so damned scary. We will spare that mealy-mouth apologist Dr Hal for the time being. (10:26pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: All of you ( male, female or LBGWhatever ) will undergo genital mutilation before webehead your craniums. (10:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: If you don't have genitalia, we will desecrate your rectal orifice. If you do not possess such a ole, we will generate a generic saidsuch for you. (10:32pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: ole = hole in anglo-arabic (10:33pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: ole means something else in espagnole. Go figure. Then go disfigure yourself. Or else, we will decapitate you anyway, Muslim or not, you running puppies. Wimps. Sissies. Cowards. What's the matter, kitty got your tongue? (10:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And if you're a judaic semite, we will circumcize you again, twice or even thrice, even if you do convert to the glory of All**. (10:43pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Before we behead you anyway... (10:43pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And tyhat goes triple for you Mormons. (10:43pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: take tyhat ! and tyhat ! (10:44pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: BTW : that journalist we beheaded actually was a mannequin, suckas ! (10:46pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Stop The Show ! I want to get off ! (10:49pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: What fascinating drivel ! How do you do it ? (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Tonite's "Show" has hugely enhanced my auto-erotic asphyxiation. Thank you ! (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Tonite's "Show" has hugely enhanced my auto-erotic ass-fixation ! Thank you ! (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: On behalf of Robin Williams, I thank you again... please untie the know now, please... Please ? Somebody help me, please ! Gurgle... (11:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: know = know... cain't your thilly word-processor type write? (11:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: know = know... cain't your thilly word-pwothessor type white? (11:25pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: know = knot dammit (11:25pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: that's better, dammit anyway... (11:25pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: apparently you agree with me, or else you don't understand a word I'm writing (11:26pm)
Animal Motivation Speech: I, here on the sidelines, have no clue. (11:35pm)

August 15, 2014 10:00pm
Dedicated to Vulture Goddess Nekhbet, this episode flies on broad pinions through poetry to archival japery. Spy Emerson, Sarah Szczechowicz Goldie and Puzzling Evidence (the latter unheard, but present) take up temporary residence in the Studio, while the action at Bruno's down below registers as boiling hot. Past, future and present impossible worlds that never were are featured. Music of Susumu Yokota, Alyssa B. Osborne and the Andrews Sisters with Bing Crosby, among others. Nekhbet, great one, Goddess of the Upper Kingdom, have favor upon your humble supplicant and make the desire of his heart come into being. Feast on the liver of my doubts and fears; let me love unselfishly in the shelter of your wings. With Wadjet thy Companion, I beseech thy mercy as well, O other Netby, She of the Two Ladies! Without thy help my soul will be devoured, Noble Ones. In art, Nekhbet was depicted as a vulture, according to some a Griffon Vulture (Gyps fulvus), though Arielle P. Kozloff opines that the Vultures seen in New Kingdom art images, better resemble the blue-tipped beaked, loose skinned Nubian Lappet-Faced Vulture (Torgos tracheliotos)... This show is also for one of the Muu, the lovely priestess in her robe of Egyptian vulture feathers. We hope she likes it. And now, into the broiling Desert for the next two or three shows... Again, this Show is followed by Puzzling Evidentiary K-Robbery of indefinite length.

August 8, 2014 10:00pm
Poetry of Dylan Thomas, Alyssa Osborne and Hal Robins. Radio Synesthesia post-X-Day excerpt, courtesy of WCSB Cleveland, with Bucky Sinister, Ivan Stang, Dr. H. Owll, Princess Wei R. Doe and Lonesome Cowboy Dave. In-studio guests Puzzling Evidence and Earl Yazel dip their toes in the surrounding culture and, in a play-by-play interchange with Dr. Howland Owll, decide that they're still not quite ready for total immersion. Dr. Strangelove performs "She Loves You," Peter Sellers talks with the Beatles, and an excerpt from The Memoirs of Lord Badminton. "Kemah" from Churches Burn's Into the Briar Patch once again (by request) featuring the vocals of A. Osborne. More of Bill Cosby Talks to Kids About Drugs from DJ Female Convict Scorpion, released 05 November 2013. Sinister intimations of Burning Man in the desert. Not for the uninitiated. Show is followed by Puzzling Evidentiary K-Robbery of indefinite length.

August 2, 2014 12:00am
WAITING TO HATCH are all the Eggs we've put in one Basket, or, rather, a safe, protected Nest, high in the rocking branches of a solitary Tree. But when the bough breaks... Enjoy this feature while available.

July 25, 2014 10:00pm
First various poems begin a broad-spectrum presentation with an eye on recent X-Day in the rear-view mirror. The program
then features a ravishing rant from the Wisteria stage by SubGenius SuperStarlet Rev. Baby Bear, whose voice also thrills in a
musical highlight from Churches Burn.
Studio visitors include GirlFriday Spy Emerson, quondam radio magister Dr. Fiasco and Jeff the Wayfarer.
A later feature heard on the show is one of Dr. Hal's first recitations, recorded in 1957, with one from 1960 as a follow-up.
A Nosegay of Esoteric Archival Material. Not for the uninitiated. Thanks are also due to Ivan Stang, Princess Wei R. Doe,
Reverend Bucky Sinister and WCSB in Cleveland, Ohio.

Chatroom History
July 25, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Howdy, Hal1 (10:04pm)
Alan B.: ! (10:04pm)
nexus006: Hey, it's Dr Hal! (10:07pm)
Alan B.: The poems are especially nice this evening. (10:07pm)
Alan B.: Ours is an educational mission. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: It's like a jungle sometimes (10:09pm)
Alan B.: It makes me wonder (10:09pm)
Alan B.: How (10:10pm)
Alan B.: I keep (10:10pm)
Alan B.: from going under. (10:10pm)
nexus006: But shouldn't you be on doing your part with the fundraiser along with your fans? (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Hex Dei. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Rev. Baby Bear hits this one out of the park. (10:11pm)
spy emerson: hey (10:11pm)
Alan B.: Well, the old farts do help keep the tents warm. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: His pipe and his grin shall lead me. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: "Bob" is "boB" spelled with quotation marks. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: 13013 (10:24pm)
nexus006: Hi Spy (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Simulated Conelrad Alert (Spring 1962) (10:26pm)
Alan B.: May the Farce be with you. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Bon soir. (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: hi y'all (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: kiko, what would the theme of todd solundz' comedy be? (11:50pm)
vj pussycat: it smelled just like a sweaty yoga class (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: the mediation he led (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: meditation (11:52pm)
Sesame Street alien: Better Lego movie: von Trier or Cronenberg? (11:53pm)
vj pussycat: cronenberg (11:53pm)
vj pussycat: no doubt (11:53pm)
vj pussycat: only one person should talk at a time (11:55pm)
Sesame Street alien: Thought the definitive answer was Chesterfields. (12:04am)
Karen Carpenter: thank "bob" the Dr Fiasco Reign of Terror has ENDED! (12:14am)
Karen Carpenter: listener redeucation camps (12:16am)
e_yazel: it should shock noone to hear this so called "scolding" on the recording... in this case it was undoubtedly well-meant and even a positive thing (12:38am)
e_yazel: andit undoubtedly sounded harsher than intended by his grandfather. (12:39am)
e_yazel: oh, was he that bad, honestly? hitting? well, that is too bad. (12:40am)
e_yazel: now it's difficult toknow what to make of it. forgive my own comments, then! (12:42am)
nexus006: I'm stepping into the time transference portal....or is it just the hot tub (12:44am)
Karen Carpenter: everyone on Facebook is talking about Dr Fiasco (12:46am)
Karen Carpenter: dead air check board (1:03am)
vj pussycat: they are not reading this (1:04am)
vj pussycat: your mics are not working (1:04am)
vj pussycat: fet talker (1:05am)

Picking Up the Pieces
July 18, 2014 10:00pm
Dr. Hal returned to a San Francisco utterly destroyed by a summer of CGI action films. No one really cared about the destruction, because for a brief moment, things didn't get more expensive.

Chatroom History
July 18, 2014 10:00pm - 5:30am

Sesame Street alien: Thought it was Nate Eagle. (10:31pm)
Sesame Street alien: Nate Silver? The fivethirtyeight guy? (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: Where's the new house? (11:27pm)
shinpath: Light up my brain (12:02am)
shinpath: ahh a paso doble (12:02am)
shinpath: Ramon y ramon (12:03am)
shinpath: Elvis is everybody (12:03am)
shinpath: Elvis is everything (12:03am)
shinpath: Elvis is everyone (12:03am)
shinpath: and Elvis is still the KING (12:04am)
Alan B.: Boo! (12:13am)
Alan B.: Hi, vj pussycat! Hi, Hal! (12:14am)
michael j fox: i got no elvis in me.... (12:14am)
Alan B.: "Bob!" (12:14am)
Alan B.: Hi, KrOB! Hi, "Pete!" (12:16am)
Alan B.: Hey! No talking in the background! (12:17am)
Alan B.: "Why is someone talking in the background?" (12:17am)
Alan B.: The Ask Dr. Hal Show: "Get down on your knees!" (12:18am)
Alan B.: "Per capita in yer assita." (12:21am)
Alan B.: "Hi, Oblivion! How's the wife and kids?!" (12:22am)
Alan B.: If I could call in, I would ask: "Was Dr. Hal disappointed when the X-ists failed to show for a 17th striaght year?" (12:23am)
Alan B.: Take my reloadio! (12:24am)
Alan B.: Put down the laptop! (12:25am)
vj pussycat: hi alan b (12:25am)
vj pussycat: welcome back dr hal (12:27am)
Alan B.: I had to pee, so I got up. (12:34am)
Alan B.: (I donated $35 to the Church in Dr. Hal's name, but that's okay . . . " (12:34am)
Alan B.: Okay, I'll send RV another check. (12:35am)
Alan B.: Wait, say that again, slower. . . (12:39am)
Alan B.: Wait, say THAT again, slower. (12:42am)
Alan B.: Reloadio secrets . . . (12:44am)
e_yazel: of course, this is the hidden pretext of Taxi Driver, that he is in a Faustian hell, but in the heart of mid-70s Manhattan! (12:45am)
Alan B.: Those are worthy, ritual answers and the effort will be compensated, as we tithe to the true church for answers we already know. (12:46am)
e_yazel: everyone will be on facebook when "it" happens (12:46am)
Alan B.: Thanks, fellows! (12:47am)
Alan B.: Hi, Earl! (12:47am)
Alan B.: Since I'm always on Facebook, that's a good bet. (12:48am)
Alan B.: I just got up at 3 a.m., that's my best material given the circumstances. (12:48am)
e_yazel: tell 'em about that Roman Popery Latin, Hal!!!!! (12:59am)
e_yazel: you tell em (12:59am)
Alan B.: Au revoir. (1:03am)
e_yazel: Boz Scaggs.. ha ha ha... (1:03am)
e_yazel: he's the litmus of annoying popular "cool" culture to Hal.... (1:04am)
e_yazel: you mentioned Boz Scaggs during the sign0off!!! (1:06am)
e_yazel: 'during the anthem!!! (1:07am)
vj pussycat: is this storytellers? (1:07am)
Alan B.: Lido . . . whoa, woah, woah. (1:07am)
vj pussycat: great impression alan b (1:07am)
Alan B.: That dirty, dirty, dirty low down. (1:07am)
Alan B.: Thank goodness Mr. and Mrs. Scaggs named thier son Boz. (1:08am)
e_yazel: you talked about 'cool people or something, Hal, and then yu mentioned Boz Scaggs! don't you even,... remember? (1:08am)
e_yazel: oh, kids still say "scagg" (1:09am)
Alan B.: I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder who? (1:09am)
e_yazel: do describe a "loose woman" (1:09am)
vj pussycat: scaggs albertsons (1:10am)
Alan B.: One more wine cooler and they'll be rolling out "Brandy" by Looking Glass. (1:10am)
vj pussycat: kiko met brandy I think (1:10am)
e_yazel: we're the reason you do this. I've been wondering. (1:10am)
e_yazel: kids still say "scagg" to describe "slutty" girls. (1:11am)
vj pussycat: scum + hag = scagg (1:12am)
e_yazel: Columbia never released it, they were busy pressing Boz Scaggs. (1:12am)
Alan B.: KrOB, this is a sweet, sweet extended live Boz jam. (1:12am)
e_yazel: yeah. Sweet. Now play The Sweet. "Ballroom Blitz" (1:13am)
Alan B.: Hadron tiem? (1:14am)
e_yazel: Blck Santa Scaggs. (1:14am)
Alan B.: I would love to hear that, Earl. (1:14am)
e_yazel: it's immediaely available online. don't treat this like some request station. these are artistes (1:15am)
Alan B.: Hunger artists. (1:15am)
e_yazel: however, he is playing some sort of live Boz Scaggs concert, yes. (1:15am)
e_yazel: oh, fuck off! (1:16am)
Alan B.: Chat box, turn in your badge and gun! (1:16am)
e_yazel: heh heh (1:16am)
e_yazel: Bat Chox. (1:16am)
e_yazel: Boz Scaggs and the Bat Chox. (1:17am)
e_yazel: Afterburn (1:18am)
Alan B.: Gloop Hub. (1:18am)
e_yazel: oh, this is a sad song. (1:18am)
e_yazel: "Time, look what you've done to me (1:19am)
Alan B.: Chrontracter talk. (1:20am)
vj pussycat: it must be NHLG (1:21am)
Alan B.: Hey, I paid $35, I want a saucer. (1:21am)
e_yazel: chrontracter... heh... (1:21am)
Alan B.: Gimmie "Bob!" (1:21am)
e_yazel: okay here's a question... (1:22am)
e_yazel: how long have you known Boz Saggs? (1:22am)
Saggz: MC or DJ? (1:23am)
e_yazel: play that popular song. you know the one. (1:24am)
e_yazel: you need a drink.. of coffee. (1:25am)
e_yazel: Major Major Major Major (1:26am)
Alan B.: Gay picnic. (1:26am)
e_yazel: Tell Them Willie Boy is Here (1:26am)
e_yazel: Circus World starring John Wayne (1:27am)
e_yazel: yeah, who needs money? (1:28am)
e_yazel: Jimmy Stewart as a euthanistic clown (1:29am)
Alan B.: 10 Most Horrific Circus Accidents In History (1:30am)
e_yazel: Winterland (1:30am)
e_yazel: WInterland East. WInterland West (1:30am)
vj pussycat: wintergarden (1:31am)
e_yazel: i cannot look at those sorts of things. Circus accidents? I am really a wimp about internet stuff like that. (1:31am)
e_yazel: I suppose I ought toovercome and seek out these gruesome things. (1:32am)
e_yazel: Hey, Hal.. talk about Noah al you want!! (1:32am)
Alan B.: Slower . . . (1:32am)
Alan B.: Incest in the Bible (1:32am)
e_yazel: John Houston's The Bible.. IN the Beginnng... (1:33am)
e_yazel: they have a great Noahg sequence in that, that entire movie is great. (1:33am)
Alan B.: The Talmud suggests that Ham may have sodomized Noah (1:34am)
e_yazel: I have aplace with the saucers, but I would have to be there to meet them to save time and I have to wait for certain others to get right, it's like the Buddha thing. (1:34am)
Alan B.: How does he make his voice DO that?! (1:35am)
Alan B.: Lot and his daughters (1:36am)
Alan B.: Genesis 19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. (1:36am)
Alan B.: 31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: (1:36am)
Alan B.: 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. (1:37am)
Alan B.: 33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. (1:37am)
Alan B.: 34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. (1:37am)
e_yazel: People get too stuck on that stuff. Like people should know the real reason for the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah was their human sacrifice thing. This was the real quarrel. both the Right and Left nowadays get focused on the angel rapey thing... (1:37am)
Alan B.: 35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. (1:37am)
Alan B.: 36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. (1:37am)
Alan B.: The older daughter conceived Moab (Hebrew, lit., "from the father" [meh-Av]), father of the Moabites;[v.37] the younger conceived Ben-Ammi (Hebrew, lit., "Son of my people"), father of the Ammonites.[v.38] (1:37am)
Alan B.: God just doesn't destroy the world often enough anymore. (1:38am)
e_yazel: Talmud all about it! (1:39am)
Alan B.: LOL (1:39am)
Alan B.: Sounds like a good place for a cleansing fire. (1:40am)
e_yazel: well, so the passge you mention only suggests this about Ham if ne wishes to see that. It's unlikely, a modern fetishism. (1:40am)
Alan B.: T-E-C-H-D-O-U-C-H-E (1:41am)
Alan B.: It's French. (1:42am)
e_yazel: it's the Jerry typewriter tune (1:42am)
e_yazel: Jerry Lewis.. so, who is playing this Mac voice, what is it reciting? (1:43am)
Alan B.: 4:44 a.m. EST, oh sweet lawd. Goodnight! (1:44am)
e_yazel: oh, about Rand Paul in Silliclone V... yeah, yes incvite Kathy Wheveh on the showto debate Hal!!! (1:44am)
e_yazel: Have her on, why not. (1:45am)
e_yazel: Kathy Who? (1:47am)
e_yazel: what's she running for? (1:47am)
e_yazel: what post? (1:47am)
e_yazel: WHat is KROB's voting strategy? (1:49am)
e_yazel: is this a mechanism that reads thngs? (1:49am)
e_yazel: Livertarians? (1:50am)
e_yazel: they hsve an iron problem (1:51am)
vj pussycat: nighty night alan b (1:52am)
e_yazel: Marines (1:55am)
e_yazel: Rowdy Marines (1:55am)
e_yazel: Coppola's wines .. They Taste Like... Victory, You Know? (1:57am)
e_yazel: MacDuff!!! (1:58am)
e_yazel: The Scottish Play (1:58am)
e_yazel: The Method (1:59am)
e_yazel: well, it's's a sense-memory kinda thing... (1:59am)
e_yazel: hope you're paying attention.. (1:59am)
e_yazel: so, think about that time you got lost at the STate Fair.. (2:00am)
e_yazel: we're going for a fear ting, right? (2:00am)
e_yazel: this'll win you the Tony! (2:00am)
e_yazel: well, the Obie, at least... (2:01am)
e_yazel: Hal Robins Inside The Actor's Studio (2:03am)
e_yazel: Robo Dj Inside The Actor's Studio (2:06am)
e_yazel: this part since midnight is one for the archives (2:08am)
e_yazel: Sketches by "Boz" (2:09am)
e_yazel: Martin Chuzzlewhit by Charles Dickens, Sketches by "Boz" Scaggs (2:10am)
e_yazel: This makes up for the long radio absence, (2:15am)
e_yazel: Dr Hal's Mission Rave Freakout Orgy. In Hell. (2:17am)
e_yazel: Dr. Hal's Weird S.S Nazi Wicked Freakout Sideshow In Hell! (2:18am)
e_yazel: Dr, Hal's Freedom Freakout Patriot Orgy With Guns and Blood. (2:20am)
e_yazel: Dr, Hal's Libertarian Declaration Fuckfest Pynchonesque (2:22am)
e_yazel: Dr, Hal's Disney Marxist Acid Grocery Cheerleader Presentation (2:25am)

Puzzling Evidence 7 : Dr. Fiasco 1
July 11, 2014 10:00pm
The 2014 World Cup of Ask Dr. Hal Show Substitute Host Appearances is over and the results, while completely expected, were not pretty. Despite talking a Big Game before the tournament, Dr. Fiasco appeared on the field during one match of the three. A brief examination of that appearance revealed the replaying of Dr. Fiasco's prehistoric NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND tired old sound bites, despite his declared objection to all things NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. For tonight's final game, Puzzling Evidence scored 5 times against the absent DJ Fiasco in the first 30 minutes of play, with a cacophonous display of overdub, mash-ups, incongruous sets or clicking sounds and yammering from his co-host. Dr. Fiasco threatened repeatedly to come down to the studio and "fix" the program, but alas, mere hollow threats.

Dr. Hal will be reading this full report on his flight home...

Chatroom History
July 11, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Fiasco: Is anyone in the studio? (10:16pm)
RoBo DJ: nope (10:35pm)
Only ME: ,God. (10:35pm)
RopoBotDope: Yep. (10:36pm)
Charles Manson: I roll the nickels. (10:36pm)
Jerry Lewis: Ladieeeeee (10:38pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Looks like a party in your pants! (10:41pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Everything is funnier when you throw "pants" in (10:41pm)
Hampants: are Love.... (10:43pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I AM COMING OVER (10:45pm)
Dr. Fiasco: EVRYONE WATCH OUT (10:45pm)
Hampants: I'm quaking in the Turf Club. (10:45pm)
ADHS RULES:: no starting the show at 10:45pm (10:46pm)
God: absolelutelt yy right (10:46pm)
The Show: is the show. (10:50pm)
The Show: All is Show. (10:50pm)
The Show: will consume you. (10:52pm)
Dr. Fiasco: My attorney is listening to the show and taking detailed notes (11:10pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Does the phrase "libel suit" mean anything to you? (11:12pm)
The Show: if the suit fits, fuck it.. (11:14pm)
Dr. Penny: Pete Goldie's backup girls. (11:52pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Fiasco'll come and overturn the tables in the Radio Valencia Temple. (11:56pm)
The Show: is no money lender. (12:23am)
The Show: Ask Dr Hal (12:54am)
The Show: is almost over.. (12:54am)

Ask Dr. Hal - now with a generic brand!
July 4, 2014 10:00pm
While Dr. Hal was busy attending the Gathering of the Juggalos, Radio Valencia management scrambled to find a suitable substitute.

Carrot Top was washing his hair that night and Rob Schneider had his 25th-rehab reunion and so it fell on the wide shoulders of Dr. Fiasco to keep the proverbial Ask Dr. Hal caravan moving on while the dogs bark by the side of the road.

Chatroom History
July 4, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: good evening (10:05pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is this an x-day show? (10:06pm)
soundbyte: ..this is fun to listen to on a night like tonight (10:06pm)
soundbyte: (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's gorgeous 4th of july (10:07pm)
soundbyte: is (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but what year is it? (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: greetings and salutations dr fiasco (10:08pm)
DrPantzFunkley: they went crazy with the fireworks in st louis (10:09pm)
soundbyte: ...the Fireworks outside sounds like it would if the country did indeed have legalized 'Purge' ...Like the Movie (10:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: very enjoyable episode tonight, i am diggin it (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: did dr fiasco make it this week? (10:41pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Howdy everyone, good evening (10:47pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Loosen your seatbelts and let us go (10:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: excellent sonic exploration tonight Dr (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: Yay dr fiasco! (10:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: just tuning in now... can you start over? (10:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hah (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hooray (10:54pm)
A Kind Stranger: What's with the talking over talking? (10:59pm)
A Kind Stranger: There's dialogue happening over dialogue. (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's how this party rolls (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: hey sorry dr, I couldn't make it. I'm in the woods with bran and kyle (11:33pm)
Dr. Fiasco: So, let me ask you did that make sense? (11:52pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Is it any clearer now? (11:52pm)

NHLG 2: Listeners 0
June 27, 2014 10:00pm
It was a hard fought match, but eventually it was no contest as Dr. Fiasco forfeited the game at exactly 1pm Friday. What followed was a conscious effort at overlapping background sounds, talking over each other, yammering and logger-yee-ha. No Dr. Hals were harmed in the making of this reloadio podcast.

Chatroom History
June 27, 2014 10:00pm - 2:30am

Alan B.: 2700 Seconds (10:23pm)
Alan B.: I didn't miss technical adjustments, yeah. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Fiasco is very quiet. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Mitzi Shore: Not dead. (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: Ha I confuse Tulsa and cate too! (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Put the yammer down, good buddy! (10:33pm)
Alan B.: It was one year ago that Hal was first hurt. (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Stray Cats - (She's) Sexy & 17 (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: where is dr fiasco (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Hi, vj pussycat! I think Dr. Fiasco is 2700 seconds late. (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: he sounds French now (10:40pm)
Alan B.: He sounds like a Frenchman who got hit in the skull. (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: That's the canada factor (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Will the whippit bulbs be smackin' the console? (10:41pm)
Alan B.: The Canuck Effect (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: Canuck Canuck (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: Canuck Canuck Canuck (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Too many laptops (10:44pm)
Alan B.: She's on nitrous. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Flying Saucers - this print depicts 400 hits that were originally issued circa 1980. (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Online liberatrians will die screaming come the revolution. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Hey, we're 600 seconds late switching to the next discrete, isolated laptop sound. (10:50pm)
Alan B.: DJ Q Bert - Freestyle (all that scratching is making me itch) (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Norway the hard way. (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Robots in disguise (10:54pm)
Alan B.: LOAD DAT WHIPPIT. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Meh. I'm too bored to dial. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Where is Dr. Fiasco, tho? (11:01pm)
Alan B.: 2700 (11:01pm)
Alan B.: moo hoo haa haa haaaaaa! (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: Maybe he's sleeping (11:02pm)
Alan B.: He's 2700 percent sleeping. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: KrOB's last show featuring REM was most excellent. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: HE HAD ONE JOB. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: And don't forget the re-enactments of Pat Novak for Hire. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: This show is hurting H.A.L. and he doesn't even know it. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: He can't listen because he is working off his plane ticket by coallating SubGenius minister packets at the Stang's. (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Fuck that guy. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Annnnnnnnnnnd vj pussycat. (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: I'm here (11:09pm)
Alan B.: I refuse to call. (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: Maybe in a bit. Doing something now (11:09pm)
Alan B.: A History of Michael Bay's Gay Jokes (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Max Headroom broadcast signal intrusion (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Video: Max Headroom 1987 Broadcast Signal Intrusion Incident (11:24pm)
Alan B.: Everyone else will be Dr. Fiasco's bitch. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: The listeners want anal retention. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Jesus, Christ, Pete, (11:27pm)
Alan B.: I want to take the computer (11:27pm)
Alan B.: away and fix it. (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: I miss enlightened (11:39pm)
Ho-Door: Behind (11:49pm)
BehindTheGreenHo-Door: .com (11:49pm)
C'mon,: sputterflies are free, also. (12:05am)
C'mon,: Crackers are free, too. (12:05am)
C'mon,: Damage is frree,to. (12:06am)
C'mon,: on a drone. (12:06am)
C'mon,: , in a drone. (12:23am)
Alan B.: G'nite (12:44am)
And, : not one Dr Hal quote... (12:50am)
The Post Office: thanks you for the US Mail quote. (12:51am)
The Audience: Is this Ask Dr Hal 2? (12:52am)
Heavenly Father: Pray for End Of Show Now... (12:53am)
RevBabyBear: Was that Ask Doctor Hal?! WTF?! (12:54am)
The Drugs: Do US!!!!!! (12:55am)
The Drugs: Dead People (1:01am)
The Drugs: Listen and see us. (1:02am)
The Drugs: And, turn it up.... (1:04am)

June 20, 2014 10:00pm
Courtesy of Firesign Theatre archivist Taylor Jessen, this Friday, Ask Dr. Hal! will include classic ranting from Nate Eagle, a carny talker who worked for Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey, far from being anything like "politically correct," but an amazing series of reminiscences about the Big Shows of times gone by, including the All-Midget Sideshow, "Pickled Punks" and Nudist camps, not to mention Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Columbia stored this material in its vaults but never released the (LP) record. He tells numerous tales of carny life and recapitulates many of his actual "pitches" from memory. Though you can hear a very little of this stuff on the Firesign Theatre's Duke of Madness Motors LP reissue, the bulk of it has never been broadcast anywhere. Not for the thin-skinned, but only Phil Proctor has the other extant dub of this amazing revelation into the showmanship of the past. An invaluable historical document which needs to be heard to be believed. And, Ladies and Gents, tonight's show offers numerous other recondite pleasures. Come One, Come All-- now step forward-- if you dare!

Chatroom History
June 20, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

nunu nignig: Contract Killers -- Starring : Lee Van Cleef, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne -- Double-crossed by SubGenii he trusted, hit man Hal Robins ( John Wayne ) becomes the target of assassins ( Doug Wellman : Clint Eastwood & Philo Drummond : Lee Van Cleef ) -- so begins a ruthless game of kill or be killed. (11:55pm)
nunu nignig: kill or be killed. (11:55pm)
nunu nignig: Understand that there are certain hidden dimensons of Dr Hal that we shall never know. Meanwhile, Now is time to save the Future, and to put an End to the Past. Invest in Dr Hal Victory Chits -- Help SubGenii Win vs the Pinks ! (11:56pm)
nunu nignig: Google Tried To Ban This Shocking Radio Program ! Click Here Now To Listen Before It's Too Late ! LEGAL / TWITTER / FACEBOOK / HOME / ADVERTISE / DOWNLOADS / LINKS / CONTACT (11:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Sundial strikes 11 pm on Friday. Dr Hal Robins, be Radio Valencia. Never-as-planned Cheap Thralls, yes, and emotive intellections advanced as an immediate philosophy of theophratic concommitance of beauty and cannibalism. (11:59pm)
zzz: censored (12:02am)
Dr. Penny: Is this peanut butter which I see before me? (12:13am)

June 13, 2014 10:00pm

On Friday the 13th, at the full of the moon, with only one working CD changer tray in the studio, Dr. Hal related the story of how Ceyx and Halcyone were both transformed into birds. Raided by Puzzling Evidence, KrOB and Sherilyn Connelly, the show benefited not from their participation; instead, they kibitzed, shouted and tried to disrupt the proceedings. But Zeus, the All-Father, took pity on Dr. Hal, and sent two demi-goddesses, Sarah Szczechowicz and Lisa Vincenti, to add to the conversational colloquy and cover the clumsy, ham-handed CD changes with their gentle tones. Dr. Hal blushed with pride-- or was that redness but a remnant of his recent intense, all-over Solar exposure in the far-off Petrolian Paradise?

Chatroom History
June 13, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Variety is the spice of life. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: If they make it past the dinosarus, LIES will kill htem. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: That is TRUE! I have always had one. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Stan Freberg 45s (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Angel and Devil bobbleheads (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Casper the Friendly Ghost comics (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Baby Godzilla Film Series Statues (10:28pm)
vj pussycat: dead air (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Dead air is just fine. (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: nevermind (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Dead Air is Church Air (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: praise (10:31pm)
Alan B.: /%u02C8si%u02D0.%u026Aks/; (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Shoot, the chatterbox won't reproduce the pronunciation (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Try here: (10:54pm)
Alan B.: /si:Iks/ (10:55pm)
Alan B.: "Bob" our laxitive, we shall not want. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: NO LAPTOPS (11:22pm)
Alan B.: HADRONS INTERDIT (11:23pm)
Alan B.: Mickey Mouse and Memonic Mouse (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Hiya, Z! (11:44pm)
Alan B.: Monster (11:47pm)
Alan B.: Don't hurt H.A.L.! (11:48pm)
Dr. Penny: The marine scene gathering. How many magic cards does that require? (11:50pm)
Alan B.: From the halls of Montezuma . . (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Thy will be done, KrOB (11:54pm)
Dr. Penny: Head extensions. (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Spin and Marty (11:59pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Ah, a harem for Hal. He's doing just fine, then. (12:00am)
Dr. Penny: As it should be. (12:00am)
Alan B.: 72 virgins (12:01am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: well, let's not exagerrate. in any manner. (12:03am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Exaggerate. (12:03am)
Dr. Penny: White lightening in a bottle (12:06am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Hal's problem regarding other people's children and being concerned is common. It takes a Greenwich Village. (12:06am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: It Takes A Village Idiot (12:06am)
Dr. Penny: Put it in the flea-hopper. (12:08am)
Dr. Penny: Her own light at the end of the tunnel. (12:11am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: The bear she speaks of was a spirit-being. (12:11am)
vj pussycat: it wasn't a chipmunk? (12:12am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Apparently it was an animal of the bruin variety. (12:14am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: That woman's lucky she wasn't (12:14am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: unless it was a racoon. (12:14am)
Dr. Penny: A praying chip makes it a salt of the earth monk. (12:15am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: what is she saying? Two bears were sitting around listening to Fox news??? (12:16am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: In a campground? (12:16am)
Dr. Penny: you look out the window. (12:18am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Maybe she means they were "bears" like old jargon for hairy old gay men. (12:18am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: This feed keeps dropping out. SOmehow these bears they're discussing were brought to Moscow. (12:20am)
Dr. Penny: But are bears Putin's favorite kind of lover? (12:21am)
Alan B.: Proximity effect (12:21am)
Alan B.: Vanilla waivers (12:22am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Mr. Putin's favorite kind of lover is himself. (12:23am)
Alan B.: Proximity effect (audio) (12:23am)
Alan B.: Depending on the microphone design, proximity effect may result in a boost of up to 6 dB, depending on the size of the microphone's diaphragm and the distance of the source. (12:23am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Sez you. (12:24am)
Dr. Penny: Vanilla bears prefer the missionary position. (12:24am)
Alan B.: It bears repeating (12:25am)
Karen Carpenter: "honey moon" grrrr (12:25am)
Alan B.: The Listener (12:26am)
Karen Carpenter: my eyes worked better (12:28am)
Alan B.: (12:29am)
Karen Carpenter: Ed Gein Conferences (12:29am)
Alan B.: The Foundation Trilogy (12:31am)
Alan B.: Anyway, ta! (12:33am)

June 6, 2014 10:00pm

While Dr. Hal was away, frolicking with the laughing, splashing, unclothed Naiads in the Mattole River near Petrolia, California, mysterious, anonymous individuals entered the Radio Valencia studio by surreptitious means and commandeered the show. The motivation for the actions of these invaders has not yet determined; quondam guests KrOB, Sherilyn Connelly and Puzzling Evidence are on the case.

Chatroom History
June 6, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Sub (10:01pm)
Alan B.: H. A. L. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Are you the Wolfman? (10:22pm)
Alan B.: "I'm not a young man anymore. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: no accepted medical use (10:28pm)
Alan B.: le spectacle commence maintenant (10:31pm)
Communist Quisling: Leave me alone, Ronald Reagan! (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Dat tape squeal . . . (10:36pm)
Alan B.: (10:37pm)
Alan B.: H. A. L. explains SLACK (10:37pm)
Alan B.: (10:39pm)
Alan B.: Puce schlag on a sausage fest and no star (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Post Post (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Koch (10:54pm)
Alan B.: "If you're interested in broadcasting, you've come to the right party." (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Motorhead - Jailbait (11:02pm)
Alan B.: E. S. R. P. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: durr (11:04pm)
Alan B.: Eat Sleep Rave Pete (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Sorry, KrOB, the muse has yet to find me. But I will do eeet. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Ooooooh?! (11:10pm)
Alan B.: I think I may have to go beyond the CityGardents canon. (11:11pm)
Dr. Penny: krob & sherilyn rocking the ask dr. hal show (11:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how's it going? (11:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: greetings to all my sub Gs (11:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Dr Hal, are you ready for this years X Day? (11:16pm)
Alan B.: Venom - 7th Date of Hell 1984 part 8/10 (11:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Have an idea for what you are going to do artisticly tpo (11:17pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the pie? (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Hey, Pantz, send Stang plane monies for H. A. L. or he ain't going. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: I was tripping on the old school "Rated GP." (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: dr penny are you in the studio? (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: stang already sent him his plane tickets (11:18pm)
Alan B.: Oh, H. A. L., such whinging (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am going to stream dr hal and do some beta testing of survarium (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Good to knoa. (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: stalker lives on (11:19pm)
Alan B.: I would go but I can't. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: I'm annoyed about it. (11:21pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the problem is that it's over the 4th of July, and I host our family's 4th party, and it's pretty big (11:21pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i won't be able to get to an X Day for quite some time i am afraid (11:21pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but i may lose out if the saucers come (11:21pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ;p (11:21pm)
Alan B.: Right?! (11:22pm)
Alan B.: July 4 is not cool if you have family and stuff. (11:22pm)
DrPantzFunkley: do you ever listen to DJ Meow and the Music Dept on Thursdays at 2 pm San Fran time (11:22pm)
Alan B.: I'm working then. :( But I can podcast? I'm afraid to take any more shows, this is eating my life. (11:23pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. pf, I aint. (11:23pm)
Dr. Penny: Livin' it up though through x-d. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Squirm (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Baby Metal? (11:28pm)
Alan B.: Tracy Ullman is a fucking genius. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: Mr. President 'Language Barrier' (11:30pm)
Alan B.: ^^^ I'm certain this is tragically awful. (11:30pm)
Alan B.: CONRAD FUCKING BAIN! (11:30pm)
Alan B.: And mai waifu. Madeline Kahn. (11:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: dj meow is just music (11:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's worth the download, she's great (11:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: who is in the studio? (11:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: KRob and some guest (11:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: no Dr Hal right (11:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i just remembered that (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Thanks for the tout. There are zillions of podcasts and I don't have time for randomness. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Dr. H. A. L. is testing Crisco this evening. (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: man, the beta test isn't going well, the lag is pretty brutal (11:34pm)
Alan B.: Cylons hate popsicles. (11:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i had bomb pops tonight (11:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: they were great' (11:35pm)
Alan B.: The ones with gumballs in the bottom? (11:35pm)
Alan B.: Nina Blackwood looked icky. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: I totally wanted Martha Quinn's perky babies. (11:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i liked down town julie brown (11:37pm)
Alan B.: The Wisdom of Lou Reed (Blue in the Face) (11:38pm)
Alan B.: That fuckin' 'fro. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: That jingle packge will help your quarter-hour maintenance. (11:42pm)
Alan B.: GODDAMN JOHN CAFFERTY!! (11:42pm)
Alan B.: That side is dark. (11:43pm)
Alan B.: John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band Years active 1972%u2013present ?!?!?! (11:44pm)
Alan B.: Yammering (11:45pm)
John Cafferty: What did I ever do to you? (11:45pm)
Alan B.: You were the evil Springsteen twin. (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Also Eddie & the Cruisers (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Which I saw first run during my misspent youth. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: How I didn't kill myself in 1985, I have no idea. Thankfully, I started abusing marijuana full time not long afterwards. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Col. Parker was an illegal alien. (11:50pm)
Tom Parker: So's your mother. -- Signed, The Colonel (11:51pm)
Alan B.: What I loved about Col. Tom was he got 50 percent of the revenue for doing nothign, then when Elvis invested with him he took ANOTHER 50 percent. (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: where's hal? (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: portola? (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Obsessive H. A. L. tracking NOW. (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: this show reminds me of NHLG (11:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: good LSD was around during the 80s (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I have a Gantt chart to fill, make with the H. A. L. project elements. (11:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: are you using micorsoft plan to do it? (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I age a fuckton of fairly nasty acid in the early 90s. I'm convinced it was all strychnine. (11:54pm)
Alan B.: ate (11:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: did you ever get the jesus christ something or other that went around in the mid 90s (11:54pm)
vj pussycat: i ate a ton of acid just now (11:54pm)
Alan B.: Yes, Pantz, it is important to use only properly activated Genuine Microsoft Products. (11:54pm)
vj pussycat: fuckton (11:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: where did you get your acid (11:55pm)
Alan B.: No, some liquid that was fairly good, then some blank blotter. (11:55pm)
Alan B.: What are you, the FBI? (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: acid r us (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: microdots, pyramid gels, snowflake and blotter (11:57pm)
Alan B.: (11:58pm)
Alan B.: boo (11:58pm)
Alan B.: Krystle ate all the acid (11:59pm)
vj pussycat: trippin for hours in a tunnel sounds fantastic (11:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i have found it much harder to get lsd these days (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: and i am looking for some (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: no, i am not the fbi (12:01am)
Alan B.: I certainly don't know, I'm high on "Bob" (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: but i am invloved with intelligence (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: i got a new batch for frop today and it's really effing good (12:02am)
Alan B.: I have babies, I need to stay out of her majesty's service (12:02am)
vj pussycat: what's frop (12:03am)
Alan B.: (12:03am)
Alan B.: Inhaling burnt vegetable matter is never a healthy practice. If you want to get "high," as the youth parlance goes, we would suggest 'Frop, instead. It CAN be smoked, but is so strong that it doesn't really require ignition. It kills just as many irrelevant brain cells, but spares the all important lung tissue. (12:04am)
Alan B.: all important lung tissue. (12:04am)
Alan B.: H. to the A. to the L. (12:05am)
Alan B.: We have crossed the terminator and entered into a new day. (12:05am)
vj pussycat: ah a subgenii thing (12:06am)
Alan B.: We need to create a Dr. H. A. L. algorithm, so that when he is no longer making radio on this plane we will still have all of the boilerplate stuff. (12:06am)
Alan B.: I really loved Big Audio Dynamite. (12:06am)
vj pussycat: like they did with ebert (12:07am)
vj pussycat: they were bad (12:07am)
Alan B.: YES, VJPussycat, as with St. Ebert, we must create H. A. L. engrams and have his samples at our fingertips. (12:07am)
vj pussycat: brilliant plan, alan b, you must get started immediately (12:08am)
Alan B.: The horses are on the track. (12:08am)
Alan B.: Okay, I really need to make that soundboard. (12:09am)
vj pussycat: daisy (12:13am)
Alan B.: Absolutely do that. (12:18am)
Alan B.: The New Adventures of Old Pedro. (12:20am)
Alan B.: Hey, you're playing the Beaver Brown Band, cool. (12:21am)
Dr. Penny: Duck & cover. (12:24am)
Alan B.: F. E. T. (12:29am)
Alan B.: Hammer and popsickels (12:34am)
Alan B.: Early 60s culture hero convergence. (12:36am)
Alan B.: KrOB and guest (12:39am)
Alan B.: That fan chain is fucking TOAST! (12:39am)
Alan B.: I think we need a way to have Wellman pull the bullets out of "Bob's" chest and install them back in his pistol. (12:40am)
Alan B.: DIABEETUS (12:42am)
Alan B.: (12:43am)
vj pussycat: alan b, I can't believe you're still awake (12:54am)
vj pussycat: are you gonna make it through the whole show?! (12:55am)
vj pussycat: hey y'all, don't forget to play the national anthem (12:56am)
Alan B.: I gotta bal, 4 am.. (1:08am)

May 30, 2014 10:00pm

In this episode we avidly devour the canned mytho-poetry of processed enchantment. Just listening to this broadcast can, in some cases, un-tether the unwary auditor from an Earthbound existence-- and leave him, her or it at the mercy of a raging Greater Cosmos. But it's all in fun-- good, clean fun. Bon appetit!

Chatroom History
May 30, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Karen Carpenter: what going on here then? (10:44pm)
Alan B.: What does this have to do with Atlantis? (10:50pm)
Karen Carpenter: ZZZZZZZZZZ (10:51pm)
Larry Carpenter: It's one channel radio.... het over it (10:51pm)
Karen Carpenter: actually, I'm not zzzzzzzzz (10:51pm)
Steve Carpenter: and I'm not xxxxxxx. (10:52pm)
Karen Carpenter: canadians (10:52pm)
Alan B.: Now I understand low power. (10:52pm)
Harvey Carpenter: solo yolo (10:53pm)
Bill Carpenter: holo kapolo (10:53pm)
Horn Harpenter: Ahoy! (10:53pm)
Jesus Carpenter: hola (10:53pm)
Goofy God: Pitula Clerk! (10:54pm)
John Carpenter: What am I doing here?! (10:55pm)
Jesus Carpenter: quien is in the RV place, mister? (10:55pm)
Alan B.: "To Serve Man." Sad trombone. (10:55pm)
Richard Carpenter: now I'm hungry (10:55pm)
Bitter Water Carpenter: And I am free. (10:56pm)
Alan B.:: If I were a Carpenter... (10:57pm)
Alan B.: For few bacon-wrapped hotdogs more (10:57pm)
Karen Carpenter: considering making a reservation on a WWII concentration camp RV park right now (10:58pm)
Karen Carpenter: nad I'm not talking KAO (10:58pm)
WW 2: Ghosts are be found here.... (10:58pm)
WW 2: and the concentration camp RV were pretty sad... (10:59pm)
Alan B.: Stop hurting George Takei (11:00pm)
Karen Carpenter: now on the RV Listener Pic (11:02pm)
Alan B.: LOL bacon wrapped humies (11:05pm)
Alan B.: That looks like fun. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: (11:13pm)
Karen Carpenter: (11:15pm)
Karen Carpenter: now what's happeneing? (11:19pm)
Karen Carpenter: 1:15am (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: live ... but moribund ... somebody help you, please (11:22pm)
Mic Gods: plez dont not hurt hal (11:25pm)
Mohammad Carpenter: why does KrOB hate Hal? (11:26pm)
Bug King: repeat please (11:26pm)
Glenn Carpenter: Swing, baby, swing!! (11:26pm)
All Microphones: hate Hal. (11:27pm)
InterStallar, Empire, CA: We Don't want You. (11:28pm)
The Whole School: Then, You can't sit with Us. (11:29pm)
Fosmo: lev me outta this! (11:30pm)
Fosmo: hee heeee! (11:31pm)
Bug King: Censorship on Radio Valencia Chatterbox -- how beautifully artistic.... thank you... (11:31pm)
Bug King: Thank Me. (11:32pm)
Bug Queen: Hey, whats about ME!? (11:32pm)
Me: Okay... (11:33pm)
Bug King: I forgive myself (11:33pm)
Bug Politician: I eat myself. (11:34pm)
Bug King: probably too many people upload comments at same timeto (11:34pm)
Bug King: plugs the system (11:34pm)
Bug King: kill myself thank you please (11:34pm)
The Audience: Yes, Like That Is Going To Ever Happen. (11:34pm)
The Audience: Ypu can't escape the music... (11:35pm)
Bug King: ... I had left this Show long ago. Left its symbols, plots, machinations, madness, its masters and slaves. The phony continuum abandoned for better antennae. (11:35pm)
Alien: Sure (11:36pm)
Bug King: I had left the clogged gutter of overacted emotions, preprogrammed responses, the fevered Needful Thing of the group, whining and complaining, and the morbid pretensions. (11:36pm)
Bug King: I had seen the labyrinth of Show, and I exited it, stage left. (11:36pm)
Bug King: But my Freedom brings return, if I will. Freedom to come back and go, again and enow. (11:36pm)
Alien: Bug out it did... (11:36pm)
Bug King: So I returned %u2026 as a Listener. (11:36pm)
Bug King: especially the %u2026 (11:37pm)
Alien: and imitgrated back (11:37pm)
Alan B.: Bloop! Fell asleep. (11:37pm)
Alien: OH NO PETE GOLDIE!!! (11:37pm)
Thank: it at it (11:38pm)
Alan B.: Anna Log (11:38pm)
Pete Goldie: I'm in the radoioioioi (11:38pm)
Pete Goldie: Back he is coming (11:39pm)
Pete Goldie: He's not a doctor (11:39pm)
Pete Goldie: Don't listen to that guy on the phone -- I'm the real Pete Goldie, not him ! (11:39pm)
Don't : swaerar (11:40pm)
Alan B.: Now Pete won't be jealous of Dr. Hal's annual 20 weeks of vacation. (11:41pm)
Don't : be jello-is of paid stone (11:42pm)
Alan B.: There's always room for jello (11:43pm)
Pete Silver: Back up, there Show! (11:45pm)
Karen Carpenter: this traffic ouut of town is murder (11:45pm)
Pete Goldie: Don't calll tha t guy on therradio I'mthereallllguy!! (11:46pm)
Pete Goldie: I',mmm not a radioRobot! (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Robut (11:46pm)
Robutt: stop that, please. (11:47pm)
Karen Carpenter: NO2 (11:47pm)
Swahili Carpenter: ZULU! (11:47pm)
Tau Zhin: , Vacation Land! (11:48pm)
If I were a: Carpenter, and you were a lady (11:48pm)
You could do my Show: , and I don't mean maybe! (11:49pm)
Bug King: did it... (11:50pm)
Karen Carpenter: is it safe (11:50pm)
Bug King: It is Carpenter. (11:51pm)
Karen Carpenter: Sex goddesses or double your money baxck (11:52pm)
Jon Wayne: Oh, fing gtreat! (11:53pm)
Alan B: Long-hair, short hair, what the hell's the difference once the head's blown off (11:53pm)
Jon Wayne: What's Wrong? (11:53pm)
Jim Wayne: kill the lawn molar! (11:53pm)
John Wayne: was a fag. He was too, you boys! (11:54pm)
I put two-way mirrors : in his pad in Brentwood. Came to the door in a dress. (11:54pm)
Bill Wayne: X cross Dressing man (11:55pm)
Silence: did notfollow. (11:55pm)
A Fried Egg: , put one on it. (11:56pm)
Hal said: head (11:58pm)
I love this goofy : song (12:03am)
Alan B.: The mission is burning down (12:05am)
Alan B.: Oh, bother. Time for bed. (12:08am)
Dr. Penny: Just got in, been out drinking tonight. (12:33am)
Hal said:: imbroglio (12:36am)
Dr. Penny: It shall be available, by the webs. (12:43am)

May 23, 2014 10:00pm
When the City of Atlantis stood serene above the sea, a long time before our time when the world was free-- those were the days. An examination, from ancient texts and secondary sources, of the sea-girt isle of Poseidonis, whose mortages now are regrettably underwater. The Crown and Trident get their innings, while Atlantaean scandals are outed. But not the old Shell Game.

Chatroom History
May 23, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

DrPantzFunkley: pRaise bOb!!! I finally made it (10:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: =] (10:14pm)
Filius Null: Hail Dr. Hal! (10:24pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: hey, it is very difficult to hear you two in the midst thereof (11:15pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Oh my God, I need trigger warnings for any trigger warnings which may come up!! (11:19pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: they are called "Trigger Warnings"... in honor of Roy Rogers' belovd steed, Trigger (11:20pm)
Dr. Penny: They can really trigger that finger to scratch that 7 year itch. (11:23pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: It's all bad for you, Boys. (11:27pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Oh, yeah, those poor Tasmanian Devils, I've seen that. It's quite awful. (11:35pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Don Knotts and Matthew McConaughy in The Reluctant Astronaut Sells AZT. (11:42pm)
Recondite Pleasure: Dawn Nots (11:50pm)
jerry Lewis: Leave me out of this (11:51pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: The Love Guru is what Hal is thinking of. A Mike Meyers vehicle. (11:51pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Connie Stevens is in Way, Way Out (11:52pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: GAry Lewis and the Playboys recorded the title song of Way, Way Out. (11:53pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: it's all no more tedious than is usual! (11:57pm)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: "it's a bug hunt..." ha ha ha ha (12:00am)
Dr. Penny: Wai Wai came out after her brief visit to San Francisco. (12:01am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: who? (12:01am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: you must mean the special raman type instant noodles, Wai Wai (12:03am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Yes, those are good, especially once they have "come out" of the package. (12:03am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: and into waiting boiling water. (12:04am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Wai Wai noodles. I recommend them, as Penny just has. Thank you, Penny. (12:05am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Official Holidays are horrid things, now, Mr. Wellman. We need to go back to the six day workweek, and half as many damned holidays. Holidays are a Conspiracy plot to keep us all in the thrall of relatives. (12:12am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: Magnificent Men was a British production. (12:12am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: *0 Dyas is good, it has little to do with the cameos. It's nicely photographed. (12:13am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: You have to worry about Shirley McCalin as a Japanese princess. (12:13am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: SMilebox format on blueray is good for CInerama (12:14am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: it works, Smilebox is good. (12:15am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: John Houston is in WInter Kills, yeah. (12:17am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: it has nothing to do with Wise Blood, otherwise. Except both titles begin with a "W"... (12:18am)
EarlEarlEarlEarlEarl: So.. g'night (12:19am)
Dr. Penny: G'night Earl! (12:24am)
Dr. Penny: It's a nursing room. (12:30am)
Nurse: is out. (12:36am)
Nurse: Out! Out! Damn Show! (12:40am)
Curious: Are you a male nurse or a female one? (12:41am)
Nurse: Of Course?! (12:57am)
Karen Carpenter: I am an Earth People. (1:44am)
nurse annabella.horror hostess: just got into teh studio,lava lamps cominup (4:03am)

May 16, 2014 11:00pm
A horrendous Show hybrid monstrosity, only two and a quarter hours long, born amidst the chaos of accident and chronic misjudgement. Fortunately, KrOB and K. Carpenter joined Puzzling Evidence in the bailout. Absent, and Present Friends were toasted. An Epiphenomenon of scheduling. "Atlantis" will be next week-- barring Acts of God or the Devil...

May 9, 2014 10:00pm
Taking an Astronomical chance, this week's iteration spills the cosmic beans on the super-massive Black Hole at the center of our own galaxy, the Milky Way, bypassing caramel, chewy nougat and rich, creamy milk chocolate to demand an answer to the ever-pressing query, who's responsible? Scientific Rapture, ideally, ensues. However, all that glisters is not Goldie. With Whitman McGowan, the Rev. Baby Bear and a smattering of Puzzling Evidence, among others.

Chatroom History
May 9, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: Rototill the reality. (11:07pm)
Dr. Penny: Mountains of dirt rising and falling. (11:09pm)
Dr. Penny: Vulcans, deep down they're all a bunch of hypocondriacs. (11:14pm)
Earl_Earl_Earl_Earl: Earl_is_present (11:54pm)
Earl_is_present: Yee haw (11:55pm)
Earl_is_present: Snappy, huh? (12:23am)
Earl_is_present: Snap out of it. Just snap out of it. (12:26am)
Earl_is_present: OOoooh, snap. She really told that guy off! Snap! Snappy snap snappy snap. (12:27am)
Earl_is_present: Snappy snap sn-snap snap snap. (12:28am)
Earl_is_present: It's enough to make ya wanna take a 'snap, a cat snap. (12:29am)
Earl_is_present: Don't let them catch ya snapping. (12:30am)
Earl_is_present: Really? The snapping turtle won't bite a TRUE SubG?? Really? Truly?? (12:33am)
Earl_is_present: A beanstalk! ha ha.. that'll show her. (12:35am)
Earl_is_present: Abbot and Costello and the Beanstalk. (12:36am)
Earl_is_present: Yes, at one time there were Giants that walked the land. They were the progeny of Angels and human maidens. (12:37am)
Earl_is_present: They make mention of these things in Holy Writ. (12:40am)
Earl_is_present: Gut morgen! (12:58am)

May 2, 2014 10:00pm
First, some stuff about a Hook-up Truck. Then, Ask Dr. Hal! reaches carefully into the branches of the SubGenius family tree-- to separate the Yeti genome from the Troglodytic. Our Neandertal radio show fans are promised "a Mammoth Feast" of hi-jinks, goof-ball humor and other possible mechanisms of heterochrony. If you are looking for Bonehead English, we suggest you look elsewhere.

Chatroom History
May 2, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

St. Inkfinger: Am I late? (10:04pm)
Earl_Earl_Earl_Earl: Being in love with a Diane is tough. They're always so lovely. It must be having that name, it does something to the bearer. (10:13pm)
Sesame Street alien: If it's not driving around at random, maybe at unsafe speeds and taking sudden sharp turns, what's the point? (10:40pm)
Sesame Street alien: I believe Saints Row the 3rd had missions to that effect. (10:42pm)
Earl_Earl_Earl_Earl: Doug, you're thinking of Toko Ri. yeah, the caller is correct. (11:09pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Noah -- Starring: Russell Crowe -- Dr Hal tries to rescue the SubGenii before Obama ethno-cleanses the world. (11:09pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : The Amazing DinoMan -- After being scratched by a radioactive fossil, Dr Hal ( played by Peter Parker ) develops super-powers (11:10pm)
Earl_Earl_Earl_Earl: The Hook-Up Trucks of Toko Ri. (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Once again, Irony raises its circumcised head, in an etymological fashion, when we note that these Earthly representatives of the Dero Empire are called... SubGenius. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We do nay have to make it up. It is what it is , and inadverant truth-in-advertising, AKA Stupid. Stupid is inately interesting in and of itself insofar as stupid people ( e.g., Subgenii ) lack even the narrowest dimensions of interest and are of no interest. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Stupid just flat lines with marvelous consistency and continuity. Unfortunately, however, the funnier and more ridiculously horrific that dear Dr Hal may appear to be, the more dangerous he and his audience become. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And that is a True Thing. And whenever Truth manifests, trouble follows. The attendant agony or ecstasy are mere byproducts of association with said Truth. (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Indeed, the sappy sop of sanitized biopic whitewashing over his crimes against humanity -- in particular, his attempted assassination of the American tongue -- are disproportionate to the artisistic relevance of his rudimentary eloquence. (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: O mickle woe ! How much longer must we endure The Show ? (11:12pm)
Dancer In The Dark: Bjork me, dear sirs (11:18pm)
Wracken Ruen: Warning ! Ask Dr Hal induces remote schizoidal epilepto-narcosis ( RSEN ), which principle violates the Non-Inference Act of 2006. (11:30pm)
Wracken Ruen: If you or a loved one have suffered bouts of RSEN, you may be entitled to compensation ! Contact the San Francisco District Attorney Office for more information : Call 911-9119 now ! (11:30pm)
Carlos Yung: According to a report issued yesterday by the Freudian Anal-Obssessive Study Group Dr Hal is a bobble-head buffoon spewing doggerel and drivel. (11:31pm)
Carlos Yung: The report concludes : If you disagree with this considered opinion, you are well advised to fuque off to a gay bar now and ejaculate away whatever is left of your pathetic excuse for a life and soul. (11:32pm)
Carlos Yung: Or kill me (11:32pm)
Carlos Yung: Somebody help me, please ! (11:32pm)
Carlos Yung: Im not a religious man, but I plan to be someday. It seems like the right thing to do, like instinct, like Dr Hal, almost a saint, albeit degenerated to the point of dissolution. (11:33pm)
Carlos Yung: Im not a religious man, but I plan to be someday. It seems like the right thing to do, like instinct, like Dr Hal, almost a saint, albeit degenerated to the point of dissolution. (11:33pm)
Carlos Yung: again and again (11:33pm)
Sesame Street alien: the dream of skies thick with flying lawn mowers dangling stuff over drunk people with guns (11:34pm)
Dr. Penny: Puzzling Evidence shall take us to the next level. (11:50pm)
Dr. Penny: Just make sure Mickey signs your tour guide book. (12:03am)

April 25, 2014 10:00pm
Bestiary of improbable forms, mixed but unmatched. This broadcast contains secret clues and hints-- Easter Eggs which, when incubated properly, tend to hatch out more teratology than the Sleep of Reason is liable to produce. If you buy any of this, proceed to Checkout.

Chatroom History
April 25, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. -- Isaiah 45:7 (10:33pm)
WTF: is this the show that is? (11:57pm)
Frank chu: the trillions of galaxies are the key to the grappilions of the exits to the playboys of the outer dark sides (11:58pm)
buster: still here! (11:58pm)
Thermojumpers: are hinoi team!? (11:59pm)
Thermojumpers: *jOsiE* (12:00am)
Thermojumpers: Girl generation mix!!! (12:00am)
Krob: sorry too busy (12:01am)
The Audience: All of us are so inclined. (12:02am)
Karen Carpenter: Stop The Madness!!!! (12:04am)
NHLG: We will never stoop this low! (12:07am)
St.Inkfinger: What the hell an I doing up this early (12:07am)
Ms.Rankstanker: Nothing in spades... (12:12am)
St.Inkfinger: a little more than nothing, actually (12:13am)
Nothing: I'm here to help! (12:16am)
St.Inkfinger: good thing, I think the frop has taken hold (12:16am)
St.Inkfinger: Has anyone put the coffee on? (12:21am)
St.Inkfinger: I guess not (12:34am)
Hold: the Frippin' frop!! (12:35am)
Caffiene sell-out: And y'all love real the me (12:36am)
St.Inkfinger: it's frippy alright (12:36am)
The People: love the coffee (12:36am)
St.Inkfinger: the bean won't steer you wrong (12:37am)
The Steering Comittee: call the coffee man now (12:38am)
St.Inkfinger: Coffee woman would be better.....for me at least (12:39am)
Like: the Spice Girls (12:40am)
St.Inkfinger: would be a start (12:40am)
St.Inkfinger: 20 'til 4....close enough (12:41am)
Like: the stream, man... (12:53am)
St.Inkfinger: turn off your mind, relax, etc. (12:55am)

The Container for the Thing Contained
April 18, 2014 10:00pm
In other news, the encephalization quotient was scaled back by the Food and Drug Administration for all radio shows without a broadcast signal pending the judgment of the Executive Committee on Moral Torpitude.

Chatroom History
April 18, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Listener Zero: Dear Sir(s) -- I want to have your baby. Please bring it to the front door, that I may know it. (11:05pm)
Listener Zero: Hey buddy, got $20 for a bottle of coffee, asshole ? (11:13pm)
Listener Zero: Im not a religious man, but I plan to be someday. It seems like the right thing to do, like instinct, like Dr Hal, almost a saint, albeit degenerated to the point of dissolution. Almost an angel, though he can nay fly. (11:14pm)
Listener Zero: Almost a Show... no batteries, just an ever-ready assault on my sensibilities... Something like -- how shall I put it ? Ahhh : The Show of Dorian Gray... (11:15pm)
Listener Zero: But wet and smelly, plus a klystron for giga-quick cooking, like Death warmed over against all odds and the silly laws of physigues. Eeek ! Wow ! Woof ! Oooo ! (11:16pm)
Listener Zero: Damn you, you ve broken my heart for the last time! (11:16pm)
Listener Zero: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Long Day's Journey Into Night -- Starring: Katharine Hepburn as Dr Hal -- Author Hal Robins gives an autobiographical account of his explosive homelife, fused by a drug-addicted Bob Dobbs... (11:17pm)
Mr Pink: Your computer may log only 50 listeners tonight, but actually there are 53,486 people here in this auditorium, hanging on your every word. (11:43pm)
Frank Stein: You don't scare me none with that spooky ooky talk (11:47pm)
Bill Gates: Your plightful plea touches my soul. I have emailed $4 billion to your PayPal account. (11:48pm)
Barry Soetero: I have enrolled you for Obamacare. (11:52pm)
Mike Obama: Me so horny, Love you long time. 5 dollar, 5 dollar, 5 dollar (11:54pm)
George Bush: Please continue talking about me. I need the publicity. I didnt get enough attention as a child. (11:55pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Noah -- Starring: Russell Crowe -- Dr Hal tries to rescue the SubGenii before Obama cleanses the world. (11:56pm)
Bill Shakespeare: Methinks thou dost protest too much. (11:59pm)
Franz Bardon: "I am confused" -- Alister Crowley's last words (12:01am)
Hermes Monogistus: As beside, so within (12:03am)
Mata Hari: Hookup Truck :" a modern dating solution for safe sexual adventuring" (12:05am)
Mata Hari: or, just fuq me running (12:06am)

April 11, 2014 10:00pm
SOMETIMES WE ARE REGRETTABLY UNABLE TO PROVIDE the experience the fans expect. We are in an "urban" area with multifold dangers. For most people there should be no problem, though that hardly helps when "you're" the victim. Our sincere apologies. And, everybody else-- enjoy the Show!

We Put the Phony in Cacophony
April 4, 2014 10:00pm
It was the 80's, they were young and hell bent on testing the limits of acceptable behavior in mainstream society.

No, not Menudo.

Chatroom History
April 4, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: Hullo. (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Science! (10:06pm)
Alan B.: noosphere (10:06pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Greetings to all my fellow SubGenii (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: this sounds like frop enhancement is in order (10:08pm)
jr "spud" seven: Salutations Dr Hal (10:13pm)
Alan B.: s'up, DrPantz (10:15pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Yo Yo Alan (10:15pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's been a great end to a long ass week (10:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: got some tasty herb woohoo (10:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: great entertainment tonight Dr Hal, just grade A quality stuff man (10:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: thanks! (10:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's good to have Revelation X next to the potty so you can read it while you wait (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Change is good. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: All of you in the chatbox! Do it now! Send money, cash preferred: (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: where do you send it to (10:38pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i won't send cash (10:38pm)
Alan B.: checks will do . . . if you PayPal, you need to specify that the money is a gift for a friend . . (10:39pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am going to cut them a check (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's always worked before, for other things (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Attn: Jon Fast, RV, 2390 Mission St., Ste 302 SF CA (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: for real (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's not some scam is it (10:40pm)
Alan B.: 94112 (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Straight up. Google that address and look at street view . . . the famous Bruno's disco is across the street (10:41pm)
Alan B.: (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: who is Jon Fast, is that you? (10:42pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: EUGH! (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Money man at RV, known as Juan Rapido (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i wish san diego wasn't so far away (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ahso (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I have heard that name (10:42pm)
Alan B.: Pay Pal, cash, checks, Kruggerands, Dogecoin, "Bob"coin (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha, Bob coin (10:43pm)
Alan B.: DOOO EEET (10:43pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: In the new world, YOU WILL BE FORCED TO MARRY ME. (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: que? (10:44pm)
Alan B.: I support same-species marriage (10:44pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: The President of The Untied Snakes will be your wife! (10:44pm)
DrPantzFunkley: going undercover with a new Nick? (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Send the rest of your money to: P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118-1417 (10:45pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: Hey little boy, wanna see my nick? (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Attn: I. Stang (10:46pm)
Alan B.: Nick Danger, Third Nostril (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i knew it (10:46pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: WILMA!!!! (10:47pm)
Alan B.: If he hasn't seen your green, you're still pink to "Bob." (10:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am all paid up (10:48pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: Dear Dr. HAL -- remember our dear friend, Phantasy Collar? (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Seriously, place your hands on the monitor and write that czech with your teef (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Praise "Bob," brother DrPantzFunkley (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Hallelujah (10:49pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: CURLY BROWN!!! (10:51pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: STINKY PINKY!!! (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: she can't help it (10:52pm)
Alan B.: That's what I like, monotone porn poetry with 70s wahwah porn music. (10:53pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: SMELL MY LOOOOVE... (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Dr. Hal has gotten his shit together. (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: for sure (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: this show is most excellent (10:54pm)
Alan B.: agreed (10:54pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: Oh, the funk. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Personal business occupies me the first week of July, and I'm pissed off about it. (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i always have family obligations during x day since it's 4th of July holiday (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Some day I will make pilgrimage, but it might not happen forever. (10:59pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: spooooooooooooooooooooo... (11:02pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: Dear Dr. Hal: The Church has been public for close to 35 years... when will the night of long knives come? (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Beautiful and talented. (11:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Rock on Baby Bear (11:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: thanks for playing that Hal - was a very haunting piece no? (11:10pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: I've been with you since the beginning... I'm getting so TIRED! (11:12pm)
Alan B.: July 4, 8661 (11:12pm)
Alan B.: sorry, July 5, 8661 (11:12pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: can... barely... keep... my... head... above... the... surface... of... the... cesspool... (11:14pm)
Pacific Standard Simon: GLUB (11:14pm)
Alan B.: When life gives you sewage, make Jenkem. (11:16pm)
Alan B.: (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Hal needs his Hadron medicine. (11:20pm)
Alan B.: 7-bladed windbreaker (11:23pm)
Alan B.: 53 people all send in $5, the whole three-month bill for Radio Valencia gets paid. Send in your dollars now! (11:23pm)
Alan B.: The US country has been gnawed clean and the marrow sucked out of the bones. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Rural life is hard here. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: I wish I could live like R. Crumb, in his villa in the south of France. (11:28pm)
Alan B.: (11:29pm)
Alan B.: (11:30pm)
Alan B.: The Conspiracy doesn't want you to listen to the great Pat Novak for Hire radio program, for free. (11:32pm)
Alan B.: (11:32pm)
Alan B.: Don't let Doug Wellman steal Ask Dr. Hal! Defend! NO PASARAN! (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Send all your money to: Attn: Jon Fast, RV, 2390 Mission St., Ste 302 SF CA 94112 and say it is for Ask Dr. Hal (11:34pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Bel-a! Attn: Jon Fast, RV, 2390 Mission St., Ste 302 SF CA (11:45pm)
Alan B.: shoot. let's try again. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Bel-a! (11:46pm)
Sesame Street alien: you haven't yet turned to the last page (11:48pm)
Sesame Street alien: of the room (11:48pm)
Alan B.: Hadrons, how do they work? (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Frop stop. (11:52pm)
Alan B.: Bring all your money to: RV, 2390 Mission St., Ste 302 SF CA 94112 Next Friday, April 11l (12:05am)
Alan B.: PuzzEv wants your show, Hal, you need to stop him! (12:25am)
Kate Twoee: thanks for censoring me (12:29am)
Alan B.: Oh, dear! (12:32am)
TVGuy: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : Tomorrow Never Dies -- Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh -- James Bond heads to stop Hal Robins plan to induce war between China and the UK in order to obtain global media coverage for Radio Valencia. (12:33am)
Alan B.: I love this shit! (12:34am)

Great Civilizations That Never Existed!
March 28, 2014 10:00pm
The Goldman Saxons = the most barbaric of of barbaric tribes, their economy was based on betting on impossible things. Until one day statistical mechanics turned on them and someone got one right bet and the whole system collapsed.

The Chezpanese = died of starvation due to being very picky about their food

The Barbielonians = Famous for their buried army of 10,000 terracotta female figures of impossible proportions.

The Passive Agrecians = Built en empire of conquered countries by stationing large armies next to the border and looking sullen for decades until the neighboring people would get thoroughly annoyed and moved away.

The Bollynesians = they had to do a song and dance before doing anything. Before going fishing they had to sing a song about boats, before having sex they had to do an interpretive dance about baby making. Their civilization was extinguished by the deadly confluence of excessive cheerfulness and cramps.

The Show of Doom!
March 21, 2014 10:00pm
It will doom you good.

Chatroom History
March 21, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Alan B.: " The neuosphere is an energetic envelop that surrounds the earth. Within the neuosphere lives all the thoughts%u2026and the feelings of humanity." (10:00pm)
Alan B.: I totally love The Poobah Players, I'm not even kidding. I tuned in on the right night!! (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Pat Novak, for Hire (10:06pm)
Alan B.: As someone who has had an (10:08pm)
Alan B.: "empty" gun stuck in his ribs, I can relate. (10:08pm)
Alan B.: I just noticed that this is presented in glorious monaural. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Thanks, lovely. Not enough radio drama being done. (10:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: great show so far tonight Hal!!! (10:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Praise (10:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: BoB (10:35pm)
Alan B.: The SubGenius material has only recently been made public. This is YOUR chance to get in on the ground floor of a huge, lucrative cult -- NOW, while rates are low. You will then be eligible for all the $$$, weird sex, and SHEER POWER OVER OTHERS that go with high-ranking membership in the Church. And yes, YOU CAN PERFORM LEGAL WEDDINGS! (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Church. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: (10:36pm)
Alan B.: On The Marriage Of A Virgin (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Waking alone in a multitude of loves when morning's light Surprised in the opening of her nightlong eyes (10:37pm)
Alan B.: His golden yesterday asleep upon the iris And this day's sun leapt up the sky out of her thighs (10:37pm)
Alan B.: Was miraculous virginity old as loaves and fishes, Though the moment of a miracle is unending lightning (10:38pm)
Alan B.: And the shipyards of Galilee's footprints hide a navy of doves. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Her heart all ears and eyes, lips catching the avalanche Of the golden ghost who ringed with his streams her mercury bone, (10:38pm)
Alan B.: That other sun, the jealous coursing of the unrivalled blood. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: Dylan Thomas : (10:38pm)
Alan B.: recondite - 1. (of a subject or knowledge) little known; abstruse. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Send your plege earmarked for Ask Dr. Hal to Radio Valencia, but mark it as money for a friend. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Wait! Though, until the fundraising show. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Landing the first Israeli spacecraft on the moon: (10:52pm)
Alan B.: (10:53pm)
Alan B.: A rat done bit my sister Nell, and Hershel's on the moon. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: is your home for SEEKRIT HQ recordings of The Puzzling Evidence Show (10:55pm)
Alan B.: (look for the link, and listen to Philo's music as well) (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Titties. (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I have written to the station management because it is very difficult to connect BUT it IS possible if you keep at it. Anyway, keep grinding it out for the podcast. (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Since Wednesday, I have been receiving connection errors when I try to reach, but persistence is rewarded. (11:03pm)
Alan B.: "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. (11:03pm)
Sesame Street alien: wait, what (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Yip yip yip! (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Yip yip yip! (11:05pm)
Alan B.: Kill "Bob." (11:06pm)
Alan B.: I can hear you, Dr. Hal. (11:08pm)
Sesame Street alien: Book say: "Bob" dead. (11:08pm)
Alan B.: Wellman, turn in your badge and gun. (11:08pm)
Sesame Street alien: Winky has that effect on people. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: The site is desperately fucked, but if you keep banging on the site you can connect. (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Wrong Wrapido needs to pay the hosting bill. (11:10pm)
Alan B.: Pete may not be able to hear the show, legitimately. There are problems. (11:12pm)
Alan B.: A pipe smoking in a human face, forever. (11:14pm)
Alan B.: I wish this and vodka were less fun, I'm getting tired. (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Hadrons in flight. (11:48pm)
Alan B.: smoooove. (11:49pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Puzzlin Evidenc. (12:14am)
Alan B.: I shall listen to the balance on the podcast. (12:14am)
Alan B.: G'nite, one and all (12:16am)
vj pussycat: hi bye (12:16am)
vj pussycat: i can't. i gotta gig. (12:17am)
Alan B.: Alan B. (12:33am)
Alan B.: Hi, Mr. Evidence. Always following closely. (12:33am)
Alan B.: Every firing squad forms a circle. (12:34am)
Sesame Street alien: That's what the Left does, regrettably. (12:34am)
Alan B.: I said that because someone shot "Bob." When I was 17 it shocked me, but now I understand why. (12:35am)
Alan B.: The Bangles, dude. (12:39am)
Alan B.: (12:40am)
Alan B.: (12:41am)
Alan B.: Magic eye tube ^^^^ (12:41am)
Alan B.: Besides its primary application in the common radio set, the magic eye was used for other applications as well, primarily testing devices or electronic measuring devices. (12:43am)
Alan B.: (12:43am)
Alan B.: This was the Webcor Regent model my father let us use as children, with the Magic Eye: o%3DSIC.FITP%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D20643% 26meid%3D5659991030186031328%26pid%3 D100011%26prg%3D9209%26rk%3D3%26rkt% 3D10%26sd%3D120997814745 (12:45am)
Alan B.: Goddamn Ebay. (12:46am)
Alan B.: Ah, well. (12:46am)
Dr. Penny: Pzlg Evidc never gives up on Kennedy. (12:47am)
Alan B.: Ford: Michigan's only president and a first-class company man. (12:48am)
Dr. Penny: Yeah VCR used to be so popular and fast? (12:48am)
Dr. Penny: ooo, didn't mean it with a "?" (12:49am)
Alan B.: We will rely on PE to hold the line on forgetting Kennedy as he rapidly moves into the past and becomes William McKinley (12:49am)
Alan B.: Buy, Dr. Penny! (12:49am)
Dr. Penny: What! Another something to buy!? (12:50am)
Alan B.: I mean, bye! (12:50am)

... and it was Chef Boyardee night at Aleister Crowley's castle. Again.
March 14, 2014 10:00pm
Pretty self-explanatory.

Chatroom History
March 14, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

who is your guest: who is your guest (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Okay, so I'm actually awake on Friday at 1 a.m. for once. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: Vintage show. (10:06pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I know what you mean. (10:07pm)
who is your guest: are there guests? (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I just logged on. I haven't heard anything. (10:07pm)
EARLisFreedom: Always. (10:08pm)
EARLisFreedom: Even in yor intestines there are any number of creatures. (10:08pm)
Alan B.: Phinny promotes that Dead Show Jemkem (TM). (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Low Power Boogie (10:09pm)
EARLisFreedom: Wha?? (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Shhh. There is no low power. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Blessings on whoever cut down some high-quality show for Dr. Hal. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: You can really hear the timbre of The Overman's voice. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Plan Nein. (10:17pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : The Born-Again Supremacy ( Starring: Matt Damon ) -- When assassin Hal Robins is framed for a botched CIA operation, he is forced to take up his former life as an artist to survive. (10:18pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Sky Riders (1976) -- James Coburn plays Dr Hal, whose life seems perfect until his Show is cancelled by terrorists one day. After failed attempts to reinstate it back by the police, he takes matters into his own hands... (10:19pm)
spy emerson: dr penny (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Penny~ (10:19pm)
spy emerson: help me (10:19pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Total Playback ( Starring: Arnold Pinknigger ) -- Factory worker Hal Robins begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting a company that implanted fake memories of The Show. (10:20pm)
spy emerson: slack (10:20pm)
spy emerson: for all (10:20pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Eight and a Half -- Directed by: Federico Fellini -- Starring: Marcello Mastroianni -- A harried Hal Robins retreats into his memories and fantasies. (10:20pm)
Alan B.: Our mission is educational. (10:20pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : The Long Hot Show -- Starring Paul Newman -- Accused station burner and con man Hal Robins arrives in San Francisco and ingratiates himself with Radio Valencia. (10:20pm)
BugBoy: Show Troopers ! Follow Dr Hal ! Listening to Dr Hal guarantees Citizenship ! Includes free Obamacare ! Listen or Die ! Go ! Go ! Go ! Keep moving ! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Now I'm nostalgic for TV Guide. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Can I listen AND die? (10:22pm)
Monsignor TeeHeeHee: SubGenius Cinema Classics # 1 : Big Tit Zombie -- (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Ah, that time is a sunk cost. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan - and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. (10:23pm)
spy emerson: ANGER AT THE BRIDGE!!!!! (10:24pm)
Alan B.: D-I-Y Euthanasia Device: (10:24pm)
TVGuy: SubGenius Cinema Classics # 2 : Nude Nuns With Big Guns -- viooz[ . ]co/movies/11460-nude-nuns-with-big- guns-2010.html (10:25pm)
Alan B.: STRANGE EVENTS ON THE 33 degree laditude? Along the 33rd Parallel: A Global Mystery Circle (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Baghdad, Iraq is at 3333'N latitude. (10:26pm)
TVGuy: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Sky Captain and the World of Yesternow ( Genre: Action, Adventure, Thriller, Sci-Fi, Mystery ) -- Starring: Gwyneth Paltry, Jew Law, Angelina Jolly ; After San Francisco is attacked by giant flying robots, Hal Robins ( Gwyneth Paltry ) teams up with a K-Rob ( Angelina Jolly ) in search of their origin. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Roswell (10:26pm)
TVGuy: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Friday Night Fever -- Starring: John Travolta as Hal Robins -- A San Francisco senior citizen feels his only chance to get somewhere is as a topless exotic dancer. (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Hiroshima, Japan (10:26pm)
TVGuy: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Fearless -- Directed by: Peter Weir -- Starring: Jeff Bridges -- Hal Robin's personality is dramatically changed after telling a bad joke. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: The Christ in the Gospels accomplishes 33 miracles of which 24 were cures. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: SubGenius Commercial (10:29pm)
Alan B.: JFK was murdered on the 33rd parallel. (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Dead at 33: (10:32pm)
Alan B.: John Belushi (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Sam Cooke (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Carole Lombard (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Eva Pern (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Keith Relf (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Theo Van Gogh (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Bill Hicks (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Lester Bangs (10:34pm)
Alan B.: Moishe had a temper. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: Don't trifle with the equals sign. If you lay down some bad shit on one side, it sure as hell will visit the other side. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: Roast that cock before you eat it, or you'll get salmonella. (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Blessed be his memory. (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Tiny plastic dinosaurs (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Marijuana soda pop: (10:50pm)
Alan B.: If he hasn't seen your $35, you're still "Pink" to "Bob." (10:51pm)
Alan B.: Here come the saucers: (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Hagis. (11:05pm)
Alan B.: They've come for the Hadrons. (11:06pm)
Alan B.: (11:17pm)
EARLisFreedom: How would Hal know such as thing regarding Kevin Nealon.. How insulting, this implicatio. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Apparently, he has a slightly-used and tasty butthole. (11:20pm)
EARLisFreedom: Bed, BAth, and Beyond the Stars (11:21pm)
EARLisFreedom: you know, Bath is a funny town. Roman ruins there... they still have the baths! (11:23pm)
EARLisFreedom: Come to see ME screw up the visuals!! The debacle that promises is worth the price of admision. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: Babes in Toyland (1934 Film) (11:25pm)
EARLisFreedom: You know, that ain't a bad movie. (11:26pm)
Alan B.: Love that poetry. (11:31pm)
Alan B.: The Pale of Settlement (11:34pm)
Alan B.: (11:35pm)
Alan B.: was the term given to a region of Imperial Russia in which permanent residency by Jews was allowed and beyond which Jewish permanent residency was generally prohibited. (11:35pm)
Alan B.: The Fifth Seal: (11:37pm)
Alan B.: Jewish life in the shtetls (Yiddish: %u05E9%u05D8%u05E2%u05D8%u05DC%u05E2 %u05DA shtetlekh "little towns") of the Pale of Settlement was hard and poverty-stricken. (11:39pm)
Alan B.: Beautiful. (11:45pm)
Alan B.: Again. (11:46pm)
Alan B.: My tiny money will help the cause soon. (11:47pm)
Alan B.: And with that, a fond adeau to you and you and you. (11:48pm)
EARLisFreedom: And, ah, thank yew, so very,very much- ah.. (11:58pm)
EARLisFreedom: this Dr. Penny person is, in truth, a funny broadcast foil to this Dr. hal person. (12:15am)
EARLisFreedom: in truth, that is (12:15am)
EARLisFreedom: Dr. Hal. (12:16am)
EARLisFreedom: there are no fireflies here (12:40am)
EARLisFreedom: it's the price we pay. that, and earthquakes. (12:41am)
EARLisFreedom: the lightening is my frie-eeeeend! (12:44am)

Post Carnival Blues
March 7, 2014 10:00pm
Where Dr. Hal Blames it on Rio, to which Rio prompty replies that it was all consensual between two adults, a pack of monkeys and a 300-piece drum section

Chatroom History
March 7, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Spy Emerson: The Spy Who Shagged Me -- Starring: Mike Myers as Dr Hal uses a time machine to return to the 60's and steal PUzzling Evidence's mojo, leaving him shagless. (10:07pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight : Sky Riders (1976) -- James Coburn plays Dr Hal, whose life seems perfect until his Show is cancelled by terrorists one day. After failed attempts to reinstate it back by the police, he takes matters into his own hands... (10:18pm)
Earl: Golly, been practicing this image thing for the LIVE show, using THIS one. (11:44pm)
Practicing: William Wordsworth. See he's easy to punch up on here. (11:48pm)
Practicing: However, I guess to get laughs it'll have to be "William Wordsworth fucking" (11:49pm)
Practicing: let's see what happens in that case... (11:49pm)
Practicing: Hm.. not much success (11:51pm)
Practicing: I'm sure "Poe fucking" is on the internets (11:52pm)
Practicing: bravo, well done.. no "Poe fucking" however, which is all to the good. We still have some scrap of respect left in our culture. . (11:57pm)
Practicing: Thomas Hardy! Who most don't regard as a poet, anymore. (11:59pm)
Practicing: well, I'M here... in this here BOX (12:02am)
Practicing: one can think tthings into being, but... this goes tot eh nagative, as well. civilizations do it all the time. (12:06am)
Practicing: that is, it can go to the negative, this projection (12:07am)
Practicing: Agreed! The appetites of many adults are difficult to comprehend. But there are also a lot of weird kids who start weird fds, too, as I recall. (12:10am)
Practicing: fads, like self-scarring, a big "thing" I couldn't grock as a child. They'd rub the backs of their hands until scabs would form! Really awful. (12:12am)
Practicing: we need March to contnue as a bobcat, at least. Rain, rain. More rain, we humbly pray.t. (12:14am)
Practicing: Pray to the rain diety. (12:14am)
Practicing: The Faries (12:17am)
Practicing: brownng. hey, dig this cool in'jun music, yeah. it's the best. (12:20am)
Practicing: cautionary tales by... belloc... belloc!! (12:22am)
Practicing: poor Henry King (12:23am)
Practicing: at least this early brotherhood had Raquel Welch. A fine source of initiative. (12:30am)
Practicing: where is everyone? (12:31am)
Practicing: Where Have All the People Gone? (12:34am)
Practicing: well, that'll show that mariner.. (12:42am)
Practicing: "gloatingly".. ha ha ha (12:43am)
Practicing: yeah, Gardens of Zothique, yep. That's about right. too. (12:48am)
vj pussycat: hi (12:49am)
Dr. Penny: Hi (12:49am)
vj pussycat: hello doctor (12:50am)
Practicing: been a lot of poetry, ya missed it. but you're on time for the other guys... (12:51am)
vj pussycat: why I oughtta (12:51am)
vj pussycat: I've been listening - just busy with other stuff too (12:51am)
Dr. Penny: Me, too. :/ (12:52am)
Practicing: cool... well, the follow up crew, they'll be able to see to your prayer requests. Or attempt it. (12:52am)
vj pussycat: i did miss puzzling evidence last night. fell asleep :( (12:53am)
Practicing: it was an esoteric discussion of a great deal of ww2 "trivia"... (12:54am)
vj pussycat: and let me guess, jfk? (12:55am)
Practicing: although not trivial to those involved back then, on the ground and in the air. um.. yes, probably, yes, there was. (12:56am)
vj pussycat: I KNEW IT!!! (12:57am)
Practicing: a terrible thing for our nation (12:58am)
Practicing: now Itunes won't connect to this damned station. oh, well. (12:58am)
vj pussycat: i use the rv app on my phone and have problems all the time (12:59am)
vj pussycat: in fact, this new update really sucks! (1:00am)
Dr. Penny: I use a media player & a stream link (1:01am)
Practicing: well, the other fellows are coming on, time for me to be off of here. aren't you the Bat Out of Hell fan in Ohio? (1:02am)
Practicing: or Michigan? (1:02am)
Practicing: right, I recall that. Happy listening. (1:03am)
Practicing: now that Hal is off, the iTunes feed for the station works like a champ. Ain't that the way. (1:04am)
vj pussycat: typical (1:09am)

In Russia this show listens to YOU!
February 28, 2014 10:00pm
Unless you're Ukrainian.

Chatroom History
February 28, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: amazing answers to ouor pathetic questions eh? (10:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: fuck yeah, Friday Night (10:15pm)
DrPantzFunkley: praise bob (10:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: give me slack or give me even more slack (10:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yes, coffee is what I am even drinking now.... must stay awake to enjoy the orations of our order's fearless oratorial overman (10:28pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh really (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i will do my best to hang with you Dr Hal (10:32pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: FetTalk sponsored by the ACCUJAK (10:33pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: greetings dr hal and greetings dr pantz (10:33pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: well, so he's mixing his drinks, tonight. this should be fun. (10:34pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: stick aroun' Nurse Annabellls, he'll need yez.. (10:35pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: should i go into teh studio earlier and say hi to the doctor?? (10:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hell yeah (10:36pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: i will if there is vodka lol (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Hi Nurse Annabella (10:36pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: hallo! ;p (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: FRIDAY NIGHT (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: let's have a ball (10:37pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: hi theres, Nursey, he he heh, thassa nice skirtz ya got on, outfit, there, okay, hi. (10:37pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: gonna pay specil tribute to dr egon spengler ina bit.. (10:37pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: :p (10:37pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what a great idea (10:37pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: beautiful Nurse Annabella Lee (10:37pm)
DrPantzFunkley: if anybody can do egon spengler justice it's you (10:38pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: dr who???? (10:38pm)
DrPantzFunkley: who what why murdered ??? (10:38pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: who???awwww.I'll jes look it up. saaaay gib us a kiss, der... (10:38pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: so bummed egon died :( (10:38pm)
DrPantzFunkley: be not sad, he had a great run, better than most on this pork rind of a world (10:39pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: he was one of earth;s greatest scientists..dr hal should know.. (10:39pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: oh, no, is that the mass murderer the chi-town guy? does evverthin haveta be about mass murder all the time?? (10:39pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: sheesh (10:39pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh yes, dr kleiner is THEE best ... hands down (10:39pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: egon whosss? meeks me another martunnie (10:40pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: les start a bar fight (10:40pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: lol (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: /me vamooses (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i'm a lover, not a fighter (10:40pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: egon spengler?? oh, you mean harold ramis (10:41pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: ghossbuster-ssss (10:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ding ding ding (10:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: we have a winnar (10:41pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: I guess Harold ramos was a more benevolent CHi-town doctor. okay, go on about HIM, that'd be great (10:41pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: Ramis (10:42pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: so, annabell, are you like annie potta, the actress who played h=egon spengler's love interest? (10:43pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: annie potts (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the rain sounds great... it came through the interwebs (10:43pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: are you hinting that you may be her? (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: st louis would be so lucky to get rain, instead of the hellacious snow storm they say is coming on sunday (10:44pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: okay. silence. make mine adouble. fuggit. weather. ERP. okays. (10:44pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: yes i'm doing a special tribute for harold ramis here in a few hours lol and yes ppl say i am like valencia station is like the ghostbusters HQ (10:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i could throw back a couple of lemon drops right about now (10:45pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: not on the so-called "kink" show, issit? (10:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i haven't had that martini in a while, but man, soooo tasty (10:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: tilt the luck plane in the pinball game of life (10:46pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: im after teh kink show lolol (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: not too hard, not too soft, but just riiiiight (10:46pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: janine was the chracter's name... yeah, even in ghostbusters 2 (10:46pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: you know what the funniest line in ghostbusters is? (10:46pm)
Nurse Annabella..Horror Hostess: wat? lol (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yes (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i do (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: or is that a question for hal (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Vincman says, "Dickless here turned off the power" (10:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: someone says, "is this true" (10:47pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: okay, i'l tell yez, cause you're a PAL (10:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Vincman says, "yes, this man has no dick" (10:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: laughter ensues (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but you gotta be quick, as the joke whizzes by (10:48pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: to the epa guy? no, too easy a laugh (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yes (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh man (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's a great line, the greatest (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: so, what you got Bruceski (10:49pm)
DrPantzFunkley: lay it on our eyes (10:49pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: i keep typing the line in!! (10:49pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and it won't display, right? (10:49pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: right (10:49pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i think they fuck with us at the station (10:50pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: whad da fugkt? (10:50pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: well, never mind, then, but it isn;t the dick line (10:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i was trying to type something to nurse annabella last week regarding a request, and it wouldn't go through (10:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's like porky pig! (10:50pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: ackroyd to murray -- you never studied (10:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha (10:50pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: there it came through (10:51pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: no, it's you never studied, it's contextual.. always makes me laugh somehow. (10:51pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i always felt rick moranis stole the movie in the first one (10:53pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: what is your program, annabellum? (10:53pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: nurse! (10:54pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: hey (10:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oy (10:57pm)
Dr. Penny: Boo! (10:57pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh sheet (10:57pm)
DrPantzFunkley: /me high fives Dr Penny (10:58pm)
Dr. Penny: :) (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what's up with your good self Dr Penny (10:58pm)
Dr. Penny: Rain!!!!!!! (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: =] tis the time of year (10:59pm)
Dr. Penny: California is getting drenched right now. (11:00pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hear hear Hal, I'll drink to that (11:01pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: the rain it raineth on the just (11:05pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: and also on the unjust, fella (11:05pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: but mostly, it raineth on the just (11:05pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: 'cause the unjust steals the just's umbrella (11:06pm)
Dr. Penny: %u201CThe LORD also thundered in the heavens, And the Highest gave his voice; Hail stones and coals of fire. Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; And he shot out lightnings, and discomforted them.%u201D - Psalms 18:13-14 (11:08pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: he discomforted the lightnings?? wha? (11:09pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: you mean "He" not "he" (11:09pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: have a drink-y. (11:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I sure wish I was there you Dr Hal (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: with* (11:11pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: you wish you were Hal, huh? (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: nope (11:11pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: ne careful what ya wish for (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i could never pull that off, but i would enjoy partying in the studio with those characters (11:11pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: what chracters? (11:12pm)
DrPantzFunkley: any of them... (11:12pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: it's all just whatthey call in the meida, you know, "media buzz" (11:13pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: you know, folks jawin' 'bout themselves. (11:14pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: Hal goes to less parties! oh, wow. he must have had a 24/7 social calender. don't be fooled. He gets around, he's 'out there'.. he's fluid, he's In Demand! (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: When the media gets a buzz, is that inebriation or a haircut? (11:17pm)
vj pussycat: wasn't the puzzling evidence show cancelled? (11:17pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: that sounds like a rhetorical question. (11:17pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: it was certainly on last night. what's new, pussycat? (11:18pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: besides this vicious rumor ? (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: I know. I listened. But izzy isn't said it was cancelled. (11:19pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: izzy isn't? you mean don? (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Earl, to answer your earlier question, Nurse Annabella hosts the Lava Lamps & 8-Track Theatre on RV (11:21pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: ooh, yah, that I gathered. thanks. and when was announcement regarding the SubG program? (11:22pm)
DrPantzFunkley: not sure what you mean (11:22pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: some other rumors (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: Yea, don Joyce (11:25pm)
vj pussycat: At the end of OTE/beginning of PE (11:25pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: Rumor :Upon my tongues continual slanders ride, The which in every language I pronounce, Stuffing the ears of men with false reports." (11:26pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: Mr Joyce said this as Izzy Isn't? (11:26pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: Was there also some pronouncement regarding OTE, itself?? (11:28pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: or was it simpl some regualr announcement about the first Friday morning of the month, or some such? (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: Fuck my last post disappeared. Hang on. Gotta retype... (11:30pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: thas okay "vj pusscat, dere (11:31pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: if they just boot those guys out on Friday morning,s then screw Pacifica, with their giving Amy Whasser face in New Yawk about a million every year. (11:32pm)
poobob: Frivolous irrelevance, but only mildly mind-changing. What else have you got ? You seem like a sensible bunch of super-beings, but Im just not impressed yet ... (11:32pm)
vj pussycat: it wasn't like the 5th/1st week variations. He just said that starting next week OTE would be four hours long and the morning show would start at 4am. There was a programming change. (11:32pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: AMy Cronkite.. you know that morning program. (11:32pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: DOn will have to pull four hours? (11:33pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: all so AMy Bleedywoman, you know, the Savior of Us ALl, can get paid more. (11:33pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: "From the firehouse near Ground Zero -ooo in Manhattan.." (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: He sounded prepared. It's not like he's running low on material and the fucktillionth part of what about the 60s (11:34pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: SO you are saying DOug has been booted, somehow? (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: DR HAL or PHILO or PE - please clarify!! (11:36pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: well, obviously, yes, they would all be out if the program were not on (11:36pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: DOug is THERE< so ask (11:36pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: he's there in the Mission, hear him? we have to get a query to him regarding this. (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: Don mentioned to them about a program change which they apparently we're not aware of (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: I know - they all are there (11:38pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: okay, but DOn wouldn;t just spring something on them on the air, now.. would he? SO what is up? Surely they know by now. (11:38pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: so, perhaps they can be asked in this crucial moment (11:38pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: On the AIr, and all... (11:38pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: what's da numbre? (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: That's what it sounded like. They're not looking at the chat box (11:39pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: well, I guess we'll be left in mystery then. all is lost. (11:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: 415-962-7979 (11:40pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: at times they DO look, so.. thoe of us who can will have to broach the subject, at a later time. (11:40pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: call them. let's get this solved. (11:40pm)
vj pussycat: I can't right now (11:41pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: well, oh, how very conveeeeeenient! (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: sorry. It just started raining hard again. I'm outside. (11:42pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: perhaps we will be graced with a look-see by those in the studio... of course, perhaps they just wish their privacy and do not wish to comment. (11:42pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: we shall just graviate around the fire, here, like fireflies. (11:43pm)
vj pussycat: I'm sure they'd comment if they look. I gotta finish the soldering I'm in the middle of (11:43pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: The Soldering of VJ Pussycat... that's the name of that Russ Meyer movie. (11:44pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: I'm reluctant to call and inquire about this, somehow, in the event that this is entirely some sort of misapprehension. (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: ha ha solder solder pussycat (11:46pm)
vj pussycat: which is what I think it was (11:46pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: you'll get solder all over your keyboard, and that's just gross. yes, I'm sure you heard what you think you thought you heard. (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: using my phone (11:49pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: However, the idea that Mr. Joyce might choose to simply announce it without their knowing a thing about it seems unlikely. He is not so very tactless as that. Uh. Izzy? (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: yea it was kinda weird (11:53pm)
EARLtheBRUCE: One more thing to worry about. if it's true: thanks Amy Goodman.. "Democracy Now!" ya Commie! I'm lugging out, copping in. I wonder if they're also fucking up the L.A. Pacifica station, now. No sense in worrying until I've looked into it, myself. Bye. (11:56pm)
DrPantzFunkley: had a wonderful time, but i must get some rest for tomorrow has arrived (12:38am)
DrPantzFunkley: so long, and thanks for all the fish =] (12:38am)

The Show That Should Have Been
February 22, 2014 12:00am
After a less than stellar LIVE! Ask Dr Hal Show, the staff retired to the RV studio to made amends to the broadcast gods.

The bizarre thing is how many listeners were entertained by dead air for 2 hours and 43 minutes... a lot of them.

Chatroom History
February 22, 2014 12:00am - 6:29am

Hm: Gee. (12:00am)
Hm: That would personally drive me nuts. (12:00am)
Alan B.: She was a nice lady, but she is my ex. (12:00am)
Alan B.: She also liked The Ramones, so . . . (12:01am)
Hm: Well, Don't Be Sad. (12:01am)
Hm: I'd rather hear the first Ramones constantly. (12:01am)
Alan B.: Okay, so . . . is the show still on?! Is anyone walking back to RV to take in the smoking ruins? (12:01am)
Hm: I have no idea, I think they will simply have to deal with it once they've "wrapped" the show we could not hear. (12:03am)
Alan B.: Okay, here's a palate cleanser: (12:04am)
Hm: Oh! Are you Suicide Man? (12:06am)
Alan B.: Oh, no, but Puzzling Evidence accused me of trying to be Mobeus Rex (12:07am)
Alan B.: I'm neither, I'm just some guy in Michigan. (12:07am)
Hm: Michigan... wow.. (12:07am)
Alan B.: It's really late and really cold here. (12:08am)
Hm: I'll bet. Well, try to keep listening. (12:09am)
Alan B.: I'm intrigued. (12:10am)
Alan B.: (12:15am)
Alan B.: Gone forever. (12:22am)
Hm: Gee. (12:24am)
vj pussycat: you fixed it (12:44am)
Alan B.: You're fucking kidding me. (12:44am)
vj pussycat: haha (12:44am)
vj pussycat: is this 4 peas? (12:44am)
vj pussycat: so, what are you going to do for the next 11 minutes? (12:49am)
Alan B.: Lulz (12:51am)
Alan B.: Lulz (12:51am)
Alan B.: lol (12:51am)
Alan B.: Killed the chatbox. (12:51am)
Alan B.: Real hippie. (12:51am)
AlanB: Okay? (12:51am)
AlanB: unnngh (12:51am)
Alan B.: Fuckin' hippies. (12:51am)
Alan B.: lol (12:52am)
vj pussycat: where's hal? (12:52am)
vj pussycat: are you at the dark room? (12:56am)
AlanB: Will it really be all right? (1:00am)
vj pussycat: mad libs?! darn it! (1:00am)
Sherilyn: We are at RV! (1:03am)
Alan B.: You rebooted the server, I guess. Down for a while. (1:19am)
Alan B.: So, did Hal get my letter? (1:20am)
Alan B.: Oooh, I looked at Sherilyn's photo . . . that's a lot of velvet out there. (1:23am)
Alan B.: Oh, well. The short question did not arrive in time. (1:24am)
John Hell: Ah, there you are. (1:27am)
John Hell: Isn't that hotdog of the GMO variety? (1:29am)
John Hell: Grading Pete's performance. (1:30am)
John Hell: The Vikings saved the show. (1:31am)
John Hell: Nothing could save Pete's performance. (1:31am)
John Hell: I eventually paid for it. (1:32am)
Alan B.: Chester Gould? That's a reach back. (1:33am)
Alan B.: Cloud Cult - The Show Starts Now (1:35am)
Alan B.: I totally loved that show. (1:35am)
Alan B.: We probably forgive you. (1:37am)
John Hell: Yeah Pete, why don't you get on that now (1:49am)
John Hell: Where's the sex show? (1:52am)
John Hell: What? No one was paying attention to Pete? (1:52am)
John Hell: Roommate radio never sounded so good? Or bad (1:53am)
John Hell: Obviously Pete. Obviously. (1:56am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Here in the studio early LOL Lava Lamps comin up next!!!! (3:33am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: surprised i made it in early.. (3:33am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: sup yall who's out there in radioland? (3:34am)
Trinity: trin is 'in'... :) (4:10am)
SweetJesus!: goood morning ;) (4:18am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: hi yall glad u can join!! (4:19am)
Shirl: fuck yeh (4:38am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: That's right!!! Anyone who isn't tuned into this now is a huge SQUARE (4:49am)
Shirl: i remember dis (4:58am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Ernest Thomas interview should be around 8am mark.. (5:24am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: maybe sooner:D (5:25am)
Trinity: Capt'n\ Crunch for the win!!! (5:58am)
Trinity: Fuck now I want a box!!! (5:58am)
Trinity: and i was just at the store a few minutes ago... (5:59am)
Trinity: Though I did stock up on Robins Eggs and rees's pice's... :) (6:00am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: Noice :p (6:03am)
DJ Nurse Annabella: this song is called Dance of Thor by Captain Marryat..this battle of the captains mashup aint over!! (6:15am)

The Show of Joy & Contentment
February 14, 2014 10:00pm
In which we all rejoice in the good news that Hal finally found the Phil Collins cassette tape he lost in 1986. The one with Sussudio.

Chatroom History
February 14, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: Bjork really really Loves You -- and you thought Nina Hagen was weird... (10:46pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dear Dr Hal -- Who is John Galt ? Signed, Ayn Rand (10:47pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal -- So... risible, albeit derisive, and mere vapid banter... (10:48pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Absolute must-watch required viewing for true SubGenius devoteees ! Do not miss this unbelievably incredible movie : Nazis at the Center of the Earth -- Researchers in Antarctica are abducted by a team of masked storm troopers and dragged underground to a hidden continent in the center of the earth... viooz[.co]/movies/3016-nazis-at-the- center-of-the-earth-2012.html (10:50pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Nazis at the Center of the Earth -- Researchers in Antarctica are abducted by a team of masked storm troopers and dragged underground to a hidden continent in the center of the earth... viooz[.co]/movies/3016-nazis-at-the- center-of-the-earth-2012.html (10:51pm)
EARL: show everyone, then. (11:28pm)
EARL: the Willie Brown Bridge? the one they're about to tear down? (11:35pm)
EARL: Live birth? maybe: but I'd be certain to give a dinosaur a wide berth, myself. (11:37pm)
EARL: Get it? Get it? (11:37pm)
Got: it. (11:38pm)
Peptiles Union: What about US!! (11:38pm)
EARL: The Discovery Channel: headquartered in Silver Springs, Maryland. Just north of our nation's capitol. (11:39pm)
EARL: Whre they invented the Bionic Man. And Woman. (11:56pm)
EARL: Valentine's Day i now officially over with! Happy Day-After-the-Finished Valentine's Day!! (12:05am)
EARL: Happy Day-After-the-now-Defunct-and-Over-W ith-Valentine's Day -- a Conspiracy "Holiday" created to Kill Romance and promote societal tensions and jealousies. (12:07am)
EARL: Valentine's Day, that is. (12:08am)
Audience: is looged oon. (12:10am)
EARL: much is happening, this is so exciting. well, no "day off" here... (12:10am)
Audience: has no idea. (12:11am)
EARL: no day off for President's Day... (12:11am)
Audience: is closed (12:11am)
Audience: is stoopid (12:11am)
Audience: will be skivered (12:11am)
Audience: is lost (12:11am)
Audience: is Lost (12:11am)
EARL: you know, your name is part of your comment! (12:11am)
Karen Carpenter: the moonis wainning not waxing (12:12am)
EARL: That's uncanny! (12:12am)
Karen Carpenter: LNey (12:12am)
Karen Carpenter: Laney (12:13am)
EARL: The Moon is a Ballon (12:13am)
EARL: Baloon (12:13am)
Audience: loves that book. (12:13am)
EARL: Balloon (12:13am)
Audience: also like Bring On The Empty Horse (12:14am)
Audience: is also (12:14am)
Dr. Penny: Those farts are silent but deadly. (12:14am)
EARL: David Nivena also invented the popular lotion. (12:14am)
Karen Carpenter: abarney agumble (12:15am)
Audience: and was in the real Rat pack, aoppessed to the Las Vegas Version distoled by the press (12:16am)
EARL: for five dollars I can buy the Willie O'Brown bridge! (12:16am)
EARL: Shave the Earth! (12:18am)
EARL: Well , I suppose it's beter to have visitors annoying you in hospital than having none at all. (12:21am)
EARL: better, that is... (12:23am)
Better tha Butter: was th goon dogg;le (12:24am)
GoobuildyGok: Not. (12:26am)
EARL: I am doing better, thank you, Ms. Goldie. (12:26am)
EARL: Still delirious, of course. At least it isn't the measles. (12:26am)
Karen Carpenter: she fit in the space suit (12:28am)
EARL: Who needs illicit chemicals? Here in th Bay Area, one can get sicker than anywhere else on Earth -- every common cold carries hallucinations and paranoia! (12:28am)
Dr. Penny: A spoon full of show makes the medicine go down. (12:28am)
EARL: One needs no recreational drugs, here. The climate is perfect for constant sickness! It's much more of a petri dish than NYC or Tokyo or L.A. or anywhere else! And the authorities keep BART so encouragingly filthy (12:31am)
vj pussycat: we were returning the id (12:31am)
vj pussycat: i was there too. in santa rosa (12:32am)
Dr. Penny: At least they occasionally sweep the floors, but it's still not a mop. (12:32am)
EARL: Nothing has changed on BART since I was a teen. Except for the increased population and the Macintosh voices... but still the long 20 minute waits, the carpets are even dirtier... and it's more expensive! So, cool! (12:32am)
EARL: The one thing that has changed for the better besides the linoleum floors in some cars is the longer train lines... so that's something. (12:34am)
EARL: Goodnight, Sweet Prince, KrOB, we Hardly Knew Ye. (12:35am)
Katcina: wide people intro (12:36am)
Karen Carpenter: -zzzzzzzzz (12:38am)
EARL: Hal could just sit in the chat room sometime and spend three hours typing. (12:38am)
EARL: Yeah, what if Forces Beyonfd Mankind Forced Us? Like in The Day the Earth Stood There... "They" know better than us. (12:39am)
EARL: The Day The Earth Just Stood There (12:40am)
EARL: The Day the Earth Just Stood There, Jerking the Fuck Around. (12:42am)
EARL: er.. sorry.. (12:42am)
Katcina: for the whole country (12:43am)
EARL: Valentine's Day is now over with. Ciao, Valentine's Day! Ciao ciao! (12:43am)
EARL: The Day the Earth Just Stood the Fuck Around, Jerking the Fuck Around Like a Bunch of Dumb-Fuck Mother-Fucks (12:46am)
EARL: Oh, man.. sorry, man... (12:47am)
EARL: D.C., I know it well... what an incredible circle-jerk! (12:48am)
EARL: But one day a saucer will land and then go up to Tenley Town, like in that famous movie. "A John Sayles movie" ha ha ha.. give that guy a MacArthur Genius grant! (12:50am)
EARL: 'tis a consumation devoutly to be wished..." (12:53am)
EARL: This program exists just to entertain me in my weakness. (12:54am)
EARL: Have a safe flight(s), Hal (12:55am)
EARL: Put on Hawaiian Music!! (1:03am)
EARL: You're all being kept in the studio to amuse ME... (1:05am)
EARL: Just stay there all night long. Like the Lionel Ritchie song. Go ahead. (1:08am)

Secret Untitled ADHS just for Walten Smitty
February 7, 2014 10:00pm
Chatroom History
February 7, 2014 10:00pm - 4:30am

DrPantzFunkley: AWESOME (10:08pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha - you said it Dr Hal (10:08pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's great (10:10pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am alrewady looking forward to it (10:11pm)
EARL: So, now I listen, imprisoned in my parents Contra Costa home and sick as hell. But at least I am listening. Amen and They All Said "Amen" (10:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: praise bob (10:24pm)
EARL: er.. "parent's" ...not to seem disrespectful in not using the plural apostase. Propost-ese, Ese. (10:26pm)
EARL: gee, what a comely voice that woman has. Let her speak throughout this program. (10:37pm)
Karen Carpenter: yup (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: hi. who is dr hal's guest murder (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: murderer (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: oh it's karen's wife (10:42pm)
EARL: and a murderer! self-confessed! (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: yikes (10:43pm)
Dr. Penny: Maybe she killed "Bob" again and again. (10:46pm)
vj pussycat: i've got the opening ceremony of the olympics on. waiting for pussy riot (10:52pm)
Karen Carpenter: me too (10:53pm)
EARL: you'll wait forever, but why wouldn't you. given your pussy-themed moniker of vjpussycat? (10:54pm)
EARL: cats can wait for hours. (10:54pm)
Karen Carpenter: at least we'll get lucky (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that is true (10:55pm)
EARL: Call Me Lucky, the autobiography of Bing Crosby. (10:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: seas of necks that are red (10:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: screw them, never leave (10:56pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ha ha, insane land lady (10:57pm)
DrPantzFunkley: or the crazy ol' bat that lives underneath you and hears things (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: this looks like the hunger games (10:57pm)
EARL: The ceremony? No, it doesn't lookcheap enough to resemble The Hunger Games. (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the smell of rain and wet streets is great (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: memories (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: light reflecting of the shimmer of the road (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: who is the guest? (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am trying not to nod off tonight, but it's late and it was a loooong week (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: thanks for saving the shows out on the internet (10:59pm)
Karen Carpenter: that's no guest... that's my wife! (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the music is louder than the conversation (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha - nice (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha - way to turn it up (11:00pm)
vj pussycat: 27 min behind but there's all the mail order brides (11:00pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i have met a few of them (11:00pm)
DrPantzFunkley: they sure were convincing that they loved the guys they were with (11:01pm)
EARL: hey, the music's drowning your conversation off. (11:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's what i am saying (11:01pm)
EARL: drowning it off... I am so very ill. (11:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: we can all understand chat-ese (11:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: thingamabobbers (11:02pm)
EARL: okay, we can hear you now. (11:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: =]\ (11:03pm)
EARL: no, it is better now (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: sure do, the music is great (11:03pm)
vj pussycat: it's been fixed (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but for a while there we couldn't even hear you (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hah (11:04pm)
Dr. Penny: The music & voices sound well balanced to me. (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i like the music, it's a nice change of pace (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Hi Dr Penny (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: long time no chat ;p (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you are very welcome (11:04pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi. (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i'm with the guest, i am soooo tired of the zombies (11:05pm)
DrPantzFunkley: HOORAY K-Rob (11:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: UNHAND HER KrOB! (11:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: yes I diud (11:06pm)
DrPantzFunkley: fRop (11:06pm)
EARL: just play the mysterious island music repeatedly, that's why it exists.. (11:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i always thought that the technical difficulties were just a part of the show (11:09pm)
DrPantzFunkley: like some sort of schtick (11:09pm)
EARL: there's a picture to this show? (11:10pm)
Karen Carpenter: stop taking they re lighti8ng the olympic fire niw! (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: gimme a K (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: lovely color bars (11:11pm)
Dr. Penny: Ug. I saw a zombie bumper sticker today. I was like, "Really?????" (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i haven't seen those in ages (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: a zombie bumper sticker??? (11:11pm)
EARL: KrOB was a lot like Mr. Spock, there. Wow. (11:12pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i saw a bumper sticker that said, WWGFD? with a picture of a crowbar (11:12pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and i had to laugh (11:12pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i guess the bumper sticker read... not said (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: I had a similar incident today with a frog (11:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you should use the color bar as this episodes podcast image (11:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Dr Hal - is it true that cockroaches can still mate up to a week after having their heads cut off? (11:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and why were the insects so large during the pre-dinosaur Age of the Insects? (11:16pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : How To Train Your Dinosaur ( 3-D ) ... A hapless young SubGenius who aspires to hunt dinosaurs becomes the unlikely friend of Dr Hal Robins, and learns there may be more to the creatures than he assumed. ( PG-99 : Gratuitous Extinction and Miscegenation ) (11:17pm)
Karen Carpenter: OK, the Olympic flame is lit now, you can ta (11:17pm)
Karen Carpenter: lk again (11:17pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : Dr Hal Does Dallas -- In the throes of a mega-overdose on Ecstasy ( MMDA ), cocaine, and Viagra, Hal Robins tries to copulate everyone in Dallas. (11:17pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : The Fantastic One --- Hal Robins gains superpowers after a cosmic radiation exposure and must use them to oppose the plans of his mortal enema, Puzzling Evidence. (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: indeed - I will get my check in the mail ;p (11:18pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : The Enema Below --- Pinks are causing Dr Hal Robins to suffer constipation, until K-Rob organizes a crack team of frogmen to administer a deep enema, with tragi-farcical consequences. (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: why? (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ah (11:19pm)
EARL: WHY does the common cold exist, Dr, Hal... why?? (11:19pm)
Siskell & Ebert: It%u2019s actually quite a funny story once you get past all the tragic elements and the over-riding sense of doom. (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: X-Day 17 (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: july 1-6 (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hear hear (11:21pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : The Seventh Joke -- A film by Ingmar Bergman -- Hal Robins seeks answers about life, death, and the existence of God as he plays chess against the Grim Reaper during the Black Plaque, a terrible time when people died of black spots on their teeths. (11:23pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : Show War Z -- United SubGenius agent Hal Robins ( played by Brad Pitt ) traverses the world in a race against time to stop the Pink Zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments, and threatening to destroy humanity and SubGenity alike. (11:24pm)
EARL: Thank you, that gives me hope for this frightening virus. They KNEW on the original Star Trek how muey importante it is to eliminate this horrid malady. (11:25pm)
vj pussycat: spoiler alert (11:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: mmm (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: i lived thru H1N1 (11:28pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i survived reagan (11:28pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : Caligula and Messaline -- See The Show that no history book dared to tell! Starring Hal Robins as Calugula. Directed by: Nero (271 min.) (11:29pm)
vj pussycat: mel blanc's tomb says "that's all folks" (11:30pm)
vj pussycat: he's in the same cemetery as my grandma and two of my grandfaters (11:30pm)
EARL: How I desire this soup, now. Until the detailing of this reused water. Which is good, as I have no recourse for Won Ton soup, here. Mel Blanc was almost killed on the infamous Dead Man's curb on Sunset Blvd. (11:31pm)
EARL: Curve (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: higgs boson, eh (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: good old fashioned bong hits (11:32pm)
vj pussycat: talk like an egyptian (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: hack hack hack (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: that's my coughing sound (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: hck hck hck (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: k (11:34pm)
Siskell & Ebert: caca (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: cacao (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: gloucester (11:36pm)
Siskell & Ebert: you should be hung for murder of the english tongue (11:36pm)
vj pussycat: the naked guy (11:36pm)
vj pussycat: what are the issues of a skinbag mom? (11:37pm)
Dr. Penny: And what a well hung cock you have there. (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: botox (11:37pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Ask Dr Hal -- Tonight's Episode : The Hunger Shows -- Twice the laughs, half the calories : Dr Hal Robins wins the lottery to represent District 9 in the 75th annual Showdown. The prize : A MacDonald's Hamburger, a side-order of fries, and Super-Size Diet Coke ! Starring Dean Gulberry, Phil Mahooters. (11:38pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Phil Mahooters (11:38pm)
vj pussycat: not a super-size diet coke?! (11:39pm)
Siskell & Ebert: You've gone too far this time, Hal -- off the reservation, over the edge, beyond the point of no return. I can't protect you. You're on you own. Good luck, kid. If you're looking for the truth, it's in the Radiation Zone. You can come back anytime... (11:40pm)
vj pussycat: you were high (11:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: did somebody mention pantz? (11:40pm)
vj pussycat: sparkly (11:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hey good looking what ya got cooking? (11:41pm)
Siskell & Ebert: Wow ! Nice protracted Tit Shot at 11:40 pm -- Thanks Dr Hal ! I needed that ! (11:42pm)
vj pussycat: people are fucking nuts (11:44pm)
EARL: I'm entertained. As is God. (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: i thought i was talking to myself (11:45pm)
EARL: So did God, That's what started it. (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: god damn it (11:46pm)
EARL: damn which? (11:46pm)
vj pussycat: it! (11:46pm)
EARL: Oh, the "It" that You started, hm?? (11:46pm)
vj pussycat: which it? (11:47pm)
EARL: But You don' even remember. (11:47pm)
GOD: Damn You All (11:47pm)
EARL: Because you're a cat, at the moment. (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: i'll have to scroll back (11:48pm)
EARL: So you don't recall ever starting "It" and that's why this God debate is so heated. Yes, Scroll back! (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: to what time please (11:49pm)
EARL: Scroll back, but it will be seemingly lost, already, in symbols and myth. (11:50pm)
EARL: hm. scroll back to the Book of Job. (11:50pm)
vj pussycat: i don't want a job (11:50pm)
EARL: that'll explain my horrid, horrid cold. (11:50pm)
EARL: Well, some jobs ar fun, as we know! Can't believe i wrote that. I am sick. (11:51pm)
EARL: I should be silent, as God often seems to be. (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: yes, it appears the germs are altering molecules (11:52pm)
EARL: Ben hur music!!!! ha ha ha!!! (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: that's because there is no god (11:52pm)
GOD: Then who am I? (11:53pm)
EARL: Well, yet, here is the music for 1956's Ben Hur, a William Wyler Production! How do you explain that?? (11:53pm)
vj pussycat: you're asking me? (11:53pm)
vj pussycat: god's having an identity crisis (11:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh god you devil (11:54pm)
EARL: Yeah, God, who are you? I was just discussing Ben Hur in my dilierium the other day with the host of this very program. It's incredible. (11:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: written by a civil war general, no fooling (11:55pm)
EARL: Great music in Ben Hur, by that greek guy. (11:56pm)
EARL: Yeah, Lew Wallace wrote that. He was feelin' guilty. (11:56pm)
EARL: tag, You're It! (11:57pm)
EARL: where are these photos, on facefuck? (11:57pm)
EARL: can't believe I wrote that. sorry. (11:58pm)
Dr. Penny: "He fills his hands with lightening bolts. He hurls each at its target. The thunder announces his presence; the storm announces his indignant anger." -- Job 36:32-33 (NLT) (11:58pm)
EARL: where are these images? (11:59pm)
EARL: Wwwwwwatchin' all the girls go by-yyyyyyyyy. (11:59pm)
EARL: The Most Happy Fella. (11:59pm)
Dr. Penny: Booooooooooobies!!!!!!!!!! (11:59pm)
EARL: By Burrows and the other guy who wrote musicals with him. (12:00am)
EARL: "Ya can;t go to jail for what yer' thinkin' " (12:01am)
Karen Carpenter: all tagged (12:02am)
EARL: on fadebook? (12:03am)
vj pussycat: apparently so (12:03am)
vj pussycat: i can't look. i'm on fb hiatus (12:04am)
EARL: Kicked off, hm? (12:04am)
vj pussycat: kicked myself off the the timesuck (12:05am)
vj pussycat: i used it a few days ago to post some music by recently departed friend (12:05am)
vj pussycat: ok i looked. y'all are having too much fun (12:08am)
vj pussycat: too many sugar-free gummi worms (12:11am)
Karen Carpenter: Some of my best friends are Good Vegetarians (12:13am)
Dr. Penny: I still need meat cooking lessons. (12:14am)
Dr. Penny: Thank goodness other around me are so good at it. (12:16am)
vj pussycat: and for beef jerky (12:16am)
vj pussycat: please sing daisy (12:24am)
vj pussycat: yes chorus is good. all slow like (12:28am)
Karen Carpenter: there is a youtube of hgal singing daisy during a space scien ce report at 12 galaxies (12:28am)
vj pussycat: !!!!!! (12:28am)
vj pussycat: very good!!! (12:29am)
vj pussycat: now open the pod bay doors (12:29am)
vj pussycat: i will look for it (12:30am)
Karen Carpenter: best call all night (1:07am)
vj pussycat: y'all are going to have to talk about butt plugs (1:09am)
Karen Carpenter: thank you for returning my wife NIB. Your account will be credited within 30 days. (1:40am)
rape-a-toire: dj nurse annabella (3:58am)
rape-a-toire: where ru!? (3:59am)
nurse annabella: rite here! lava lampz coming up next!! (4:00am)
Trinity: Tuned in!!! Lamp is on!!!:) (4:00am)

The Hipster Appreciation Show
January 31, 2014 10:00pm
Where Hal comes to the conclusion that the fixie-riding, cassette-tape publishing, artisanal everything, skinny pants-wearing, ironic beard set were actually quite lovely people compared to Aspergers's Ayn Rand accolyte Stanford graduates that are now gracing the neighborhood.

The Show of Love
January 24, 2014 10:00pm
Recorded in the Studios of Love, lovingly. By our own lovely Dr. Hal.

The Show - now with 100% more Show
January 17, 2014 10:00pm
Side effects may include a nervous system, Walter Mitty Syndrome, jimmy legs and Kenny G.

The Show the Government Doesn't Want You to Listen to
January 10, 2014 10:00pm
They'll be really sad if you do.

Chatroom History
January 10, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal Robins-- Helping SubGenii get laid since 1912. (10:57pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ah, yes. The same old tropes, so perfunctorily dropped into The Show like so many duck turds quacking up the place. Of course, it is a true thing, that most Show listeners will die no matter what Dr Hal says or does. (10:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal is all about the Horizontal Hula, interspersed with predictable gratuitous intellection. As we all know, Hal would if he could and will. Hal-Hinkyness is a burgeoning market with Polyamour, Show as Folk, and Hal%u2019s Dino-Porn, which is some kind of modernized invariant of Science Mystery Theater 3000 (10:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I had PROTECTED SEX with The Show, and I still got syphillis, gonorrhea, hepatitis, and a yeast infoection. Now I am in quarantine. Thanks lots, Show. At least there are several other Listeners here with me. And somehow, for some inexplicable reason, we still love you, Show... Fuck you anyway, again and again. (10:59pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dear Mr Show -- Your zipper is down and your haha is hanging out.... but it is NOT funny. (10:59pm)
Cheese Guevera: Acabei de assistir o filme, muito bom!!!!,e vc est de parabns daniel por postar esse filme digno,e de postar as partes que no passaram na globo, muito obrigado mesmo espero que poste mais rsrs valeu mesmo cara ficou muito bom.obrigado amigo. A base americana de Foster lana uma nave para realizar testes atmosfricos. Aps perder contato com a Terra, a nave explode sem deixar pistas. (11:00pm)
Cheese Guevera: Foster lana uma nave para realizar testes atmosfricos. Aps perder contato com a Terra, a nave explode sem deixar pistas. Ningum sabe o que est acontecendo at um satlite cair, literalmente em chamas do cu. Naes do mundo inteiro comeam a pesquisar e descobrem que o pior est por vir: exploses solares num nvel jamais registrado esto lanando partculas de fogo direto para a Terra. (11:00pm)
Cheese Guevera: Foster lana uma nave para realizar testes atmosfricos. Aps perder contato com a Terra, a nave explode sem deixar pistas. Ningum sabe o que est acontecendo at um satlite cair, literalmente em chamas do cu. Naes do mundo inteiro comeam a pesquisar e descobrem que o pior est por vir: exploses solares num nvel jamais registrado esto lanando partculas de fogo direto para a Terra. (11:00pm)
J.P. Morgan: Jobless Listeners, Keep Going. We can%u2019t take care of our own. (11:02pm)
The Thing: Now I am The Show (11:02pm)
Siskel & Ebert: Two thumbs up your colon! (11:06pm)
Edward Snowden: This Site is Banned by NSA, YouTube, FEMA, and Google ! Just send an email and we'll send you a secret link for a Free Sample ! (11:08pm)
Larry Harvey: Keep talking about me, please (11:09pm)
Bill Shakespeare: This show's script is almost as brilliant as Plan 9 From Outer Space ! Good work, lads ! (11:21pm)
Bill Shakespeare: Puzzling Evidence is the living stuff of history ! Too bad his "pussev@gmail" address doesnt connect in reality (11:24pm)
Carl Jung: Your Normalcy Bias bores me mortally. Please depart away from Ask Dr Hal immediately. This is not a support group. Your worthless idiocy does not qualify you even as a Show-slave -- please eat yourself, useless one. Do not respond or reply to this comment : your opinion has already been rejected. (11:25pm)
Carl Jung: rejected. (11:25pm)
John Baptista: Anyone who receives the Word from the Temple of Dr Hal will be born again and those who make false witness will walk naked as a thief. They will carry no name and their mouths will be as the mouths of the beast, for they will sit with the spirit of demons and lie with the frogs (11:28pm)
John Baptista: Trapp Family (11:29pm)

Halloween or Mental Illness?
January 3, 2014 10:00pm
In which Dr. Hal plays that always entertaining game with Swedish Bands of the 70's.

Chatroom History
January 3, 2014 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal -- Winner of the 2013 Award for Excellence in Braincasting ( Get used to it ). Many hysterians agree that the Golden Age of SubGenius began in 1998, when population growth was stabilized by the arrival of the X-ists on June 9, 2015. (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: During this New Age of Twilightenment, society restructured itself in accordance with new priorities : Entertainment, Sex, and Food. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This trenchant intertwining of humor and bathos was the crown of SubGenius achievement, for without Entertainment, we are no better than animals. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And so, in the year 1999, humanity's dream of flying cars and Pills was realized at long last -- but it didn't last long. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Overlords from Planet Zyzyx arrived in 2014, defeated the X-ists, slaughtered most of the population, and enslaved the rest. End transmission. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal : Flush with the ABCs of Listening Pleasure -- A-Always B-Better C-Cacapoopoonanadoodooboomboom (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal FAQs Q. - Does The ADH Show wear panties ? A. - Always, even in the bath (11:13pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal FAQs --- Q. - Is The Show male or female ? A. - The Show is Proto-Sexual. It has not yet determinated the gender of its corpus delecti, nor its orientation. At this time, however, it appears to be pointing due North. (11:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: SHOW RECALL -- Wal-Mart Stores has recalled the Ask Dr Hal Show from its stores after tests found traces of other shows, the company said Thursday, after authorities said it contained Puzzling Evidence and artificial jokes. Wal-Mart will reimburse customers who bought the Show, a spokeswoman told Radio Valencia. (11:16pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: a spokeswoman told Radio Valencia. (11:16pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Plight of The Church of the SubGenius -- The Church of the SubGenius is sinking under the weight of trillions of dollars of profit it can never spend and stays afloat by frantically donating about $2 billion a day to the Federal government under the happy illusion that we were all going to enter an age of prosperity with unfettered capitalism. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: all going to enter an age of prosperity with unfettered capitalism.We continue to be a country consumed by happy talk and happy thoughts. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We Genii embrace the illusion of inevitable progress, personal success, rising prosperity, and hyper-superiority. Reality is not considered an impediment to the fulfillment of our desire for Slack. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: SubGenii perpetuate a state of permanent infantilism or childishness that serves to widen the gap between illusion and reality, thus hastening the demise of this fake civilization and its culmination on X-Day 1998, which looms ever-nearer to thee, my Dobbs, ye who who promises us revenge, ammoral renewal, and new glory. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: revenge, ammoral renewal, and new glory. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: A furious and sustained backlash by a betrayed and angry populace, unprepared intellectually, emotionally and psychologically for collapse, will usher America into a new pink age ruled by cabal of proto-fascist misfits, (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: from Christo-Judaic demagogues to loudmouth talk show hosts such as Dr Hal RObins, whom today we navely dismiss as a buffoon, but later will find a vast army of psychophantic followers who find solace and succor in his promises of revenge and Frop. (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And as in all totalitarian societies, those who do not pay fealty to the illusions imposed by the SubGenii will become the outcasts, the persecuted, the enslaved. (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Even in the face of catastrophe, SubGenius culture continues to assure us that if we close our eyes and visualize what we want, if we have faith in Bob, if we tell Bob that we believe in his miracles, if we tap into our inner Slack, our lives will be harmonious and complete. (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This magical thinking turns worthless mortgages and debt into wealth. It turns the destruction of our manufacturing base into a growth industry. (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It turns alienation and anxiety into a cheerful non-conformity. It turns a nation that wages illegal wars and administers offshore penal colonies where it openly practices torture into the greatest democracy on earth. (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This is pure, brilliant SubGenius logic, ineluctable and omnipotent. This is the Truth of Dr Hal! (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This Show is DEEP, like... a black hole. It's THICK, too, like a brick made of fog, if'n you know what I mean... This Show commands Respect, like a big mean dog, but it's nothing that a cheap hot dog won't change into slobbering best friend. (11:26pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It does need a paint job, however, perhaps calm blue. I'm being literal in this instance, but that's negotiable. The sex is gratuitous. (11:26pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And there's a gold mine in the safe --and it's not the kind of cash you report if it gets stolen. The combination is 22 left, 14 right, 34 left. I ran a background check on The Show, and it came up clean, so maybe we can trust it to help us out. Heh heh heh... (11:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I'm working on a sweet deal: a trade-in, plus cash -- and the take from the safe... Follow my thinking here for a minute, if you haven't got shit in your ears. (11:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Just wait a few more days; the payroll gets delivered Friday noon. The security camera is no problem, and the rent-a-guard can be accidented by divine providence -- perfectly legal, and the right thing to do -- (11:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: but it ain't like that... actually, I worship The Show, but it's nothing personal. We were intimate, yes, but the Dog came between us. I love you, Show... (11:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I'm just trying to help... Please forgive me... Don't forsake me, O my darling... I need you so badly... I want to have your baby, several of them... Somebody help me, please! (11:28pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Listener in the Shadows --- Ask Dr Hal ( AKA The Show ) is a 2-legged dog that's always trying to hump my ears, singularly and serially, simultaneously. (11:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: But I need it, and the double, triple & quadruple lives are necessary in order to hear all the shows. In the beginning, I was young at the time, but it was strictly for medicinal purposes, I promise. (11:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I nearly went broke trying to convince myself it was destiny, but in those good old days I truly believed in The Show, and managed to fool myself accordingly. (11:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Now I know it's a Big Lie, but was it really well worth the risk? The emotional rescue was incredibly profitable as well, albeit sexless and discounted for wholesale multilevel remarketing. I have yet to resolve the issue. SOmebody help me, please! (11:31pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I beg you, please, give me a reason to leave you. I would prefer it my way, of course, but you may insist on doing so in your own modus operandi. (11:31pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: You almost have me convinced, and your loyalty is unquestioned, but who's asking? Trust me, or not, I'll understand. Commendations, a pay raise, and promotion are in order in any eventuality. (11:31pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: By The Golden Gun of Rambo, O Lord of Shows, we shall prevail, even though it's none of our dirty evil business ! The Show shall inherit the Earth, if only it can avoid going to war with itself. Sign me, The Listner in the Shadows (11:32pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Boing ! (11:35pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: squanktwaddle (11:39pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Pete Goldie says : Science gets wholesale returns of conjecture out of a trifling investment of fact. (11:39pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: So truee, re: "cave men" -- just try to find a cave -- ain't happening (11:41pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: TSA = Taking Scissors Away ... Taking Security Away ... Taste Socialism, Asshole ... Tawdry Strip Act ... Taxpayer Supported Assault ... Teaching Submission to Americans ... Terrorist Support Agency ... Testicle Searchers of America ... The Sexual Assailants ... (11:42pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Soviet America ... They Sexually Assault ... They%u2019ll Search Anyone ... Thigh Strokers Anonymous ... Thirty Second Assault ... Three Stooges Association ... Turd Sucking Assholes ... Toddlers Sexually Assaulted ... (11:42pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Too Stupid for Arby%u2019s ... Totalitarian Security Agents ... Totally Screwing Americans ... Totally Senseless Aggression ... Touch Some Ass ... Touch Strangers%u2019 Asses ... (11:42pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin' ... Touching Sensitive Areas ... Tough Shit, America! ... Trained Sodomy Adminstrators ... (11:43pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Trampling Servile Americans ... Trampling Several Amendments ... Tremendously Stupendous Arrogance ... True Sexual Assault ... Totally Sociopathic Assholes ... (11:44pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Keep your damned Show off my Guns, or I might have to start confiscating your radio station. (11:45pm)
Me: will pick up krob at ten thirty am SAT morn (12:07am)
Me: Traintown in the 10:30 morning (12:09am)
Me: lock you (12:11am)
Me: Don't read the chat book. Just yak about box locking. (12:13am)
nobodyouwantoknow: According to a report issued yesterday by the Freudian Anal-Obssessive Study Group ( a special joint committee appointed by the American Psychiatric Association and the California Proctology Council ), Colonic analysis of Dr Hal has produced a diagnostic image ( albeit obviously photoshopped by rank amateurs with mediocre talent ) : a bobble-head buffoon spewing doggerel and drivel. (12:16am)
nobodyouwantoknow: ( albeit obviously photoshopped by rank amateurs with mediocre talent ) : a bobble-head buffoon spewing doggerel and drivel. (12:16am)
nobodyouwantoknow: The report concludes : If you disagree with this considered opinion, you are well advised to fuque off to a gay bar now and ejaculate away whatever is left of your pathetic excuse for a life and soul. (12:16am)
Me: chatting listing (12:17am)
Him: thanks for all of them (12:18am)
Listner: me too (12:18am)
nobodyouwantoknow: chatting listlessly, thankless for all of it. (12:18am)
Listner: Bring packs. Hurry up. Bring pacs (12:19am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Floss me, you fool ! (12:20am)
Key: hide me....heee heee (12:20am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Warning ! Ask Dr Hal involves a multiplicity of circular scenarios and the wager of your head versus Wotan and company. Such archaeo-psychology requires updated engrams, procedures, and meta-materials to compensate for the aberrated ethnic technophilia that arises from the virtual hypothalamic Abyss, as predicated by your participatory interpolation of the harmonic orientations exuded by The Show. (12:21am)
nobodyouwantoknow: hypothalamic Abyss, as predicated by your participatory interpolation of the harmonic orientations exuded by The Show. (12:21am)

A Show Too Far
December 27, 2013 10:00pm
Daly City, to be precise.

Chatroom History
December 27, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: Warning! You're using an old stable version of AskDrhal (2.21), while we offer a newer version which contains important security fixes. (10:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We encourage you to download the newer version linked in the download box at the right to be safe from known vulnerabilities and be able to use the newest features in a stable Show release. (10:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This Show paved the way for future classics. (10:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I download each and every Ask Dr Hal broadcast from the Radio Valencia archives and play it back all day, every day until the next Friday. But Im not addicted. I do it for medicinal purposes. Somebody hep me, please! (10:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dry Show is for squids (10:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I thought this Show sucked when I was a kid, and not a lot has changed...except that I now love the Show! Holy caca, this is way mo' better than the third Transformers movie. (10:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Come One, Come All to : Adorable ABelisaurus... Adulterous Abrosaurus... All Holes Acrocanthosaurus... Amateur Adasaurus... Amputee Aegyptosaurus... Anal Aepisaurus... Anal Agathaumas... Anime Agilisaurus... Ass-to-mouth Alamosaurus... (10:28pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Come One, Come All to : Babe Bactrosaurus... Babysitter Bagaceratops... Ball Licking Bahariasaurus... Banging Bainoceratops... Bathing Balochisaurus... Beauteous Bambiraptor... Baotianmansaurus Beaver... Bedroom Barapasaurus... Bend Over Barilium... Best Friend Barosaurus... Big Natural Bathygnathus ... Bikini Basutodon... (10:34pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal Enterprises LLC is proud to announce the issuance of Chinese Patent # 23,945,442 for his invention : Novel gynecological electric heating fumigation-washing device with transparent conductive layer structure of copper indium gallium selenide thin-film battery and light energy anti-reflection sheet provided with metal nano-particle array and manufacturing method thereof. Serious investor inquiries are invited. (10:36pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: and light energy anti-reflection sheet provided with metal nano-particle array and manufacturing method thereof. Serious investor inquiries are invited. (10:36pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Once again, Irony raises its circumcised head, in an etymological fashion, when we note that these Earthly representatives of the Dero Empire are called... SubGenius. We do nay have to make it up. It is what it is , and inadverant truth-in-advertising, AKA Stupid. (10:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Stupid is inately interesting in and of itself insofar as stupid people ( e.g., Subgenii ) lack even the narrowest dimensions of interest and are of no interest. Stupid just flat lines with marvelous consistency and continuity. Unfortunately, however, the funnier and more ridiculously horrific that dear Dr Hal may appear to be, the more dangerous he and his audience become. (10:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: horrific that dear Dr Hal may appear to be, the more dangerous he and his audience become. And that is a True Thing. And whenever Truth manifests, trouble follows. (10:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The attendant agony or ecstasy are mere byproducts of association with said Truth. indeed, the sappy sop of sanitized biopic whitewashing over his crimes against humanity -- in particular, his attempted assassination of the American tongue -- are disproportionate to the artisistic relevance of his rudimentary eloquence. O mickle woe ! How much longer must we endure The Show ? (10:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: are disproportionate to the artisistic relevance of his rudimentary eloquence. O mickle woe ! How much longer must we endure The Show ? (10:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The genetic schematics are hopelessly lost in a confused theorem of symptomatic quantum entanglement being promoted as causal -- inquiry and treatment requires no such complexity, however, and Dr Hal knows that perfectly well -- (10:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: -- but how can he play God unless his procedures mystify the patient listeners who await his expectorations with poignant patience ? Alas, it is inutterably unbearable, and difficult even to write about. I die now... (10:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This Show actually is a mild form of epileptic type I diabetes (10:43pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: arning ! Ask Dr Hal induces remote schizoidal epilepto-narcosis ( RSEN ), which principle violates the Non-Inference Act of 2006. If you or a loved one have suffered bouts of RSEN, you may be entitled to compensation ! Contact the San Francisco District Attorney Office for more information : Call 911-9119 now ! (10:48pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Dr Hal Clinic now offers Non-Surgical Foreskin Restoration ! Complimentary Free Anaesthesia ! One Hour Outpatient Service ! Satisfaction Guaranteed ! We accept Obamacare and Foodstamps ! (10:51pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: BUY SHOW BONDS -- Food- Guns - Planes - Tanks - Ships -- QUICK ! Support our $2 million dollar Show Bond Campaign ! Send your donation via PayPal or Bitcoin to (10:52pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Show Troopers ! Follow Dr Hal ! Listening to Dr Hal guarantees Citizenship ! Includes free Obamacare ! Listen or Die ! Go ! Go ! Go ! Keep moving ! (10:53pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Hey buddy, got $20 for a bottle of coffee, asshole ? (10:54pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Hey buddy, are you deaf? Gimme $20 for a bottle of coffee, dammit ! (10:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Im not a religious man, but I plan to be someday. It seems like the right thing to do, like instinct, like Dr Hal, almost a saint, albeit degenerated to the point of dissolution. (11:00pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Almost an angel, though he can nay fly. God-like, but with real-life problems : partially pregnant, righteously wronged, severely halitotic, partially an asshole, occasionally an ax-murderer.. (11:01pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: a Messenger from the Gods, secretly a SubGenius... And he desperately needs a haircut and a bra. Just amazing... I cry now... (11:01pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Almost a Show... no batteries, just an ever-ready assault on my sensibilities... Something like -- how shall I put it ? Ahhh : The Show of Dorian Gray... (11:02pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: But wet and smelly, plus a klystron for giga-quick cooking, like Death warmed over against all odds and the silly laws of physigues. Eeek ! Wow ! Woof ! Oooo ! (11:02pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ooops! That was premature... sorry ! Gosh ! Properly channeled, that energy could propel the Subgenius race out of the Universe ! Too late... too bad... so sad... Hahaha ! I mean, uhhh... fabulous ! Me so happy ! Love you long time, Show ! (11:05pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Damn you, you ve broken my heart for the last time! I thought you were a professional of some kind. What are you doing here ? Get away from that equipment ! Give me that trust fund ! In case of emergency, eat recycled food -- its good for you ! (11:06pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Listening to Dr Hal is a worrisome test of my apathy, aggravating my bored arousal, tending to control my relaxed angst even against my very desirous wishes, and haplessly addicting me to a sordid sort of love admixed with hopeless happiness. (11:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The free oxytocin certainly helps ameliorate my amorous affections, but the complimentary complementary dosages of endorphin, dopamine, adrenalin and beta-phenethylamine are inadequate. Therefore, I protest ! Gimme pills ! Mo' pills ! (11:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: All this talk confuses me... Im waiting for the comic book version of Ask Dr Hal (11:17pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I have been instructed to instruct you to instruct me with regard to your lack of regard for my needful things : gimme Bob ! Or love me, or kill me -- I dont care which ! Do both ! (11:18pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dear Dr Hal -- As your court-appointed public defender, I advise you to plead guilty to the lesser charge of involuntary manslughter of the English tongue (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Im sure Rene Guenon would agree with you, hal (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: if only he could, being dead as he is... (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Now I know it -- I necromanced Rene Guenon -- he said yes, and says, "Read The Reign of Quantity" (11:35pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Frivolous irrelevance, but only mildly mind-changing. What else have you got ? You seem like a sensible bunch of super-beings, but Im just not impressed yet ... (11:35pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: For Whom the Show Tolls -- PERCHANCE he for whom this Show tolls may be so silly, as that he knows not it tolls for him; and perchance Dr Hal may think myself so much better than I am, as that they who are about him, and see his state, may have caused it to joke for him, and I know not that. (11:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Show is subgenius, universal, so are all its actions; all that it does belongs to all. When sThe Show baptizes a Pink, that action concerns Dr Hal; for that Pink is thereby connected to that body which is Hal's head too, and ingrafted into that body whereof he is a member. (11:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And when the Show buries a man, that action concerns Hal: all Subgeni are of one author; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language, another Show... (11:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Panic In The year Zero -- (11:44pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: youtube-dot-com/watch?v=hSGEiXO5894 (11:45pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Turba philos. -- one of my favorite tomes... (11:51pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: According to a report issued yesterday by the Freudian Anal-Obssessive Study Group ( a special joint committee appointed by the American Psychiatric Association and the California Proctology Council ), Colonic analysis of Dr Hal has produced a diagnostic image ( albeit obviously photoshopped by rank amateurs with mediocre talent ) : a bobble-head buffoon spewing doggerel and drivel. (11:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: photoshopped by rank amateurs with mediocre talent ) : a bobble-head buffoon spewing doggerel and drivel. (11:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The report concludes : If you disagree with this considered opinion, you are well advised to fuque off to a gay bar now and ejaculate away whatever is left of your pathetic excuse for a life and soul. (11:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Hal Robins' scientistic declamations can scarcely be too much admired, being as they are such pleasant assertions of the dialectic modus operandi and reflective of that unelected process of quantification that predeterminates the tonus of our premodern times. (11:59pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And yet his self-styled popularization has the hypothetical result of depriving us, we, the listeners, his audience, of the smallest possibility of communication with any other order of reality, let alone The Show, if only because he will not ( cannot? ) answer the Phone ! (11:59pm)

December 20, 2013 10:00pm
Not to be overshadowed by the ever more commercialized SubGenius XDaymas, Dr. Hal and his guests make a mockery of all that is good and true in this Bobforsaken world.

Chatroom History
December 20, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: You're coming through loud & clear in the stream. (10:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: ok, 2nd time playing Invisible City is better audio (10:07pm)
Karen Carpenter: as always, first adjust your headphone (10:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal Show is an acoustic teat with the intellectual integrity of silicone. Nipple not included. (10:51pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal tells his stories with imperturbable sang froid, in a dry manner, and with perfect naturalness and simplicity. He speaks as a man of the world, without circumlocution; his adventures are numerous and perhaps singular, but only such as might be expected to happen to a man of so much experience. A smile never traverses his face as he relates the least credible of his tales, which the less intimate of his acquaintances began in time to think he means to be taken seriously. In short, so strangely entertaining are both manner and matter of his narratives, that Dr Hal's stpries have became a by-word among a host of appreciative acquaintances. (10:52pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: much experience. A smile never traverses his face as he relates the least credible of his tales, which the less intimate of his acquaintances began in time to think he means to be taken seriously. In short, so strangely entertaining are both manner and matter of his narratives, that Dr Hal's stpries have became a by-word among a host of appreciative acquaintances. (10:53pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: that Dr Hal's stories have became a by-word among a host of appreciative acquaintances. (10:54pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Men, removing unwanted Butt-hair now is as easy as putting on panties! The Dr Hal Gluteal Depilation System works miracles where all else fails ! Free 30 day trial ! (10:55pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Dr Hal Shop now offers anatomically accurate pantyhose that display your ass as the true anatomical masterpiece it is. Hole not included. (10:55pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Dr Hal Shop now offers muscle-enhanced t-shirts.. Adenosine TriPhosphate not included. (10:56pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Warning ! This program contains sounds to which you should not micturate. Please relieve yourself before proceeding. Radio Valencia is not responsible for soiled apparel. (10:56pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We, the undersigned, as true believers in the profit, do most solemnly affirm, that all the adventures of our friend Dr Hal RObins, in whatever country they may lie, are positive and simple facts. And, as we have been believed, whose adventures are tenfold more wonderful, so do we hope all true believers will give him their full faith and credence. GULLIVER. x SINBAD. x ALADDIN. (10:57pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: so do we hope all true believers will give him their full faith and credence. GULLIVER. x SINBAD. x ALADDIN. (10:57pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Fake Sign Language Interpretation of Ask Dr Hal is both illegal and immoral . It is also irrelevant according to the international rules of disengagement; such is the passion of Dr Hal, and that is the story behind the largest breach of Show security in world history. (10:58pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Bottom line: Net investment in The Show down because there%u2019s no remand. And there%u2019s no remand because listenership is high, the wages of sin are flat, outcomes are rising and risable, and households are still digging out from the Great Quake of 2014 (10:59pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Now you can be as funny as Pete Goldie ! Here are ALL of his jokes : Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi (11:02pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton (11:03pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope (11:03pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon (11:03pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line (11:03pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake (11:03pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone (11:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle (11:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche (11:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 8 nickels = 2 paradigms (11:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Two physicians = 1 paradox (11:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 2 monograms = 1 diagram (11:05pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 2 wharves = 1 paradox (11:05pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: And that's all he wrote. Now you're as funny as Pete Goldie (11:05pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: My pet Candiru desires your urethra (11:08pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 5-hydroxy DMT is NOT fun and not worth the bother. Salvia divinorum is similar in effect and poses no dangers. (11:09pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It is NOT related to MDS, you poseur ! (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: MDA (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: you poseur (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal -- Guilty or Innocent ? It's all a matter of timing on The Show ! At the end of the night, when he is all alone in the limelight, all that remains is The Show, the great Unknown. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: His Truth is wondrously personal, but closely isolated from the friendship of hominids, pink, subgenius, or simian. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Disfunctional perhaps, but bearing the subtly menacing gift of enemas. None dare call it innocence. Can you believe it ? (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Any misinterpretation could be understood as prima facie circumstantial evidence of farcicality rendered honorable. (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: A duplicitous ruling could be classified as Top Secret; if it were otherwise, the ensuing result would produce a novel codification of premeditated falsity, and all the anonymous victims of his justification. (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The long walk upon the cursed Earth, long-stricken from memory, is so saddening, the theme music barely does justice to the budget. (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We shall see the results soon enough, as if required by law. The necessary authority has been revoked, and only Love remains... And cannibalism... (11:12pm)
Dr. Penny: The Ask Dr. Hal Show = truly brilliant entertainment (11:13pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: glabrous gibberish (11:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It's like he's known us all of our lives ! (11:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Puerile piratry or proesy and patois, peppered with plagiarized paraphraseology (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: and = perfect, beautiful religious doctrine. (11:18pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This show is one big prolonged fart joke -- without a punch line (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: it needs a match (11:28pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: and more methane (11:29pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: and an anterior orifice (11:29pm)
Karen Carpenter: please return Sarah NIB with all accessories unopened (12:04am)
Zygote the Zetguest: Stalk this (12:12am)
Zygote the Zetguest: Nature this, Bod (12:13am)
Chuck Dr Hull: This show is retards (12:14am)
Chuck Dr Hull: Why is parking hard? (12:14am)
ClockStopper: We hate the fruited plane! (12:16am)
ClockStopper: Where nis the (12:17am)
ClockStopper: Now: Where is the Mo Be Us? (12:19am)
Little Jesus: I was in the first Bil;ly Jack Movie. Nowthe director is here with us... (12:20am)
Karen Carpenter: KrOB reads my mind with reve3rb onSarah (12:42am)
Your Friehdn: Yes u dont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (12:45am)

Who Dares Wins
December 13, 2013 10:00pm
In which Dr. Hal uses guile, stealth and overwhelming force in a hostile situation to get out of a timeshare sales pitch.

Chatroom History
December 13, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: The Ask Dr Hal Show is the soundtrack of my life, but with no volume control.... (11:06pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal Feedes The Hungry -- An Olde Irishe Tale And fa Wilferf biscop on faare feode godcunde lare Iserde, nallaes f aet an f aette fram iermSum ecre niSerunga ac swelce eac fram fasm manfullan waele hwilwendlicre forwyrde generede. Forfon f rim gearum air his cyme on fa msegSe fast fer nsenig regn on f aim stowum com and fanon se grimmesta hungor faet folc waes waicende and hie mid arleasre cwale fielde wseron. past is to tacne : secgaj menn fsette oft feowertig manna oje fiftig samod, Ja e mid y hungre gewsecte waaron, ast hie earmlice be handum namon and ealle atgaedere of saes of re ut feollon and woldon hie selfe e offiellan oe adrencean. And y selfan daege e seo Jeod Cristes geleafan onfeng and fulluhte, a astag and com smolt regn and micel and genyhtsum, and a land greowon and blostmedon and aefter com god gear and waestmberende. And swa awurpon Ja ealdan dysignesse and deofolgield onscunedon and ealra hiera heortan and Hchaman wynsumedon on jone libbendan God and one ongeaton se e so God is, and faet hie selfe wseron ge on fasm nearrum godum ge on aem uterrum mid heofonlice giefe geweligode. (11:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal Sexes The Dinosaurs -- An Olde Irish Tale -- Forfon f rim gearum air his cyme on fa msegSe fast fer nsenig regn on f aim stowum com and fanon se grimmesta hungor faet folc waes waicende and hie mid arleasre cwale fielde wseron. past is to tacne : secgaj menn fsette oft feowertig manna oje fiftig samod, Ja e mid y hungre gewsecte waaron, ast hie earmlice be handum namon and ealle atgaedere of saes of re ut feollon and woldon hie selfe e offiellan oe adrencean. And y selfan daege e seo Jeod Cristes geleafan onfeng and fulluhte, a astag and com smolt regn and micel and genyhtsum, and a land greowon and blostmedon and aefter com god gear and waestmberende. And swa awurpon Ja ealdan dysignesse and deofolgield onscunedon and ealra hiera heortan and Hchaman wynsumedon on jone libbendan God and one ongeaton se e so God is, and faet hie selfe wseron ge on fasm nearrum godum ge on aem uterrum mid heofonlice giefe geweligode. (11:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I figured out what's wrong with Ask Dr Hal -- it / he has Shaken Show Syndrome -- rattled brains that already are addle-pated ... so sad, so sad... where are The Shows of yesteryear, so clever, so smart, so funny ? (11:08pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: ye show is compote scittel. (11:08pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal Robins operates under authority of the notorious Bete Noir FUCK : "Fornication Under Consent of the king" (11:09pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It's here : it's time. We are in the heart of intrusion into humanity. A new story is being written. It is... The Show ! One year later : We still have Paris, and always shall... I tremble with anticipation... I die now... small consolation... (11:09pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: 2 six-packs later : I think I like The Show; at least it isn't so ugly any more, nor very scary. It's too dangerous to remain inexperienced, however, for Love is a very different thing here. So cry, if you must. If not, I have something special to tell you : everything is happening on a different level enow, albeit with great tenderness. At least I think so, but I don't know for sure. (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: : everything is happening on a different level enow, albeit with great tenderness. At least I think so, but I don't know for sure. How foolish of me; perhaps I should have killed you the first time we met ! (11:11pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Now it is too late to care. Do you understand ? If yes, then we can negotiate a structured settlement. What am I trying to say? Somebody help me, please ! (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Tonight's Episode : Aeon of Reckoning... Judgment is nigh ! Tears of Show shall flow unabated... Resistance is febrile... The Eulogy of Eugenics now intrudes upon the inclusion of free mutancy. It's as if the Show had deploded from outside... Now only 35 percent of The Show metabolism remains unimpaired by sub-joculant humoresque. (11:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Now only 35 percent of The Show metabolism remains unimpaired by sub-joculant humoresque. For example : the womb remains prepubescent, however, even while it sheds its skin ! (11:13pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: This mystery of Nature lies unrequited in its nuptation, though another relapse of remembrance would be immature, according to official criteria. (11:13pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Confusing the issue even more than usual, no amount of ammorality can resolve the situation. The Show lies with its legs in the air, like a woman in need of levigation, and thoroughly condemned to eternal laughter. (11:13pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: For although your happiness is our highest priority, it cannot preempt the ascendancy of those most needful things so dear to Our Darling, Dr Hal Robins. He is the final prototype before the advent of the HyperMan. (11:13pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: His activation is unimportant, but his prehensile fondness of womankind is significant in itself -- and scary ( twice weekly). (11:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Listen carefully : you are misplaced, and invaded by the alien present. The Void awaits your expectation of emulation, yet you have no other choices than these. Verily, we have more important things to do than be fraught with one another. (11:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Nor can the consequences be considered apart from further absolution, for the communistic intercourse of our bodies tells another tale of sordid deism : one that can be treated, but not repaired through such temporary poignancy. Leave us now... (11:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: How very romantic ! Autogenic Love has prevailed at last, again! Technically, we are family, one big happy Show ! But the means has come to an end ! (11:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Though Dr Hal spawned this travesty, the cloning process is not complete, so there is still time to return to our former dreams of future glory ! (11:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We could of been gods, but instead we are merely Subgenii ! I beg of you, Stop The Show ! Stop The Show ! Stop The Show (11:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Beware -- this is state-of-the-art fakery ! Over-compensation is no excuse for such post-creative exigency ! Deathbed confessions aside, justice will be serviced ! What are we do to do ? Plead justifiable insanity ? Hahahahaha ! (11:16pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: T'is naught but another bold experiment of petulent poignancy gone puerile ! The theory is sound, but insufficient for commensurate acceleration. (11:16pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It's an option that could deservedly fail, but that is highly unlikely under the present conditions. Alas ! O mickle woe ! (11:17pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We don't have time for this ! With current technology, we could replace The Show in mere minutes ! Act now ! Be heroic ! Die for The Show ! Okay ? Believe or else ! (11:18pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dude, Where's My Show ? Hal and K-Rob, two bumbling stoners, wake up one morning and cannot remember where they broadcast The Show, which prompts them on a journey to find it. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Along the way, they encounter angry listeners whose minds they trashed, a trans-show stripper hounding them for a suitcase full of stolen edits, a cult of Show-seeking fans, and a group of aliens in Subgenius form looking for the DisContinuous Transfunctioner, a mystical device that could destroy the world. And then... (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: , a mystical device that could destroy the world. And then... (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Go ahead and laugh -- they are used to being mocked. The Continuous Transfunctioner, however, is not funny. It's a move-buster, the mystery of which is exceeded only by its power to screw the Universe. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: A homo, a negro, a moslem, a crackhead, a commie and an illegal alien walk into a bar. And the bartender asks: President Obama ! What are you doing here ? (11:21pm)
Dr. Penny: Yes, happy days are here again. (12:11am)

That Was a Fine Year
December 6, 2013 10:00pm
A lovely show aged in French oak barrels with a delicious mixture of grenache, syrah and 2% pruno just to lock in the flavor.

Chatroom History
December 6, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouknow: Warning ! Ask Dr Hal contains Killer Memes in circular scenarios which involve wagering one's head versus Wotan and company. (11:00pm)
nobodyouknow: Such archaeo-psychology requires updated engrams, procedures, and meta-materials to compensate for the aberrated ethnic technophilia that arises from the virtual hypothalamic Abyss, as predicated by your participatory interpolation of the harmonic orientations exuded by The Show. (11:00pm)
nobodyouknow: If you chose to continue listening to this program, you implicitly agree to assume responsibility for any mistaken empathic forgiveness, whether imagined or nouminous. (11:01pm)
nobodyouknow: If this does not work, then the victim is best left to the psychiatrists, as the causes are medicinal, not surgical. (11:01pm)
nobodyouknow: There is, however, such a thing as helping others to live with their weaknesses, thus turning them into useful eaters. The Show derives its sustenance thereby, albeit only at a subsistence level. (11:01pm)
nobodyouknow: False Show Memories may be dependent on transcription errors copied into random codons of DNA. Thus the above may not apply to you. (11:01pm)
nobodyouknow: Rather, you may have far worse accreditation deposited in secret memory bank accounts, for which you are nonetheless accountable. (11:02pm)
nobodyouknow: To Our Loyal Worshipers, Our Loyal Sinners, Our Loyal Gods, etc. -- If you find people worshiping you by proxy, then by all means be their proximal god. Please remember to collect the rent, and command them to thump thine enemies and the enemies of National Security in the country in you live. (11:02pm)
nobodyouknow: in the country in which you live (11:04pm)
nobodyouknow: PEAK SHOW -- Worse than Peak Oil ! When the joke crisis hits and humor is rationed, the finiteness of jocularity becomes transparenteral. (11:05pm)
nobodyouknow: Then the recrudescence of acerbic sarcasm becomes hyper-significant to all but the most obtusely obstinant ( and obsolete ) objectivists. (11:05pm)
nobodyouknow: A sudden decline in joke availability is going to mean an ugly attitude crash in which many people will starve for humoresque -- and oprobrium is no subtitute. (11:05pm)
nobodyouknow: For example : The Show ( viz., Ask Dr Hal ) can hold 7 percent more haha per degree of separation from the listeners. This means there will be bigger laughs, louder hoots, and more wholistic hohos. (11:06pm)
nobodyouknow: The stoichastic balance of brain hemisphere frigidity cannot maintain such stressful sensitivity even for short periods, especially at microwave frequencies such as utilized by those hapless hopefuls who access cell phones in order to Ask Dr Hal pathetic questions. Texting is of no avail in such instances of circumstantial consternation. Auditor emptor ! (11:06pm)
nobodyouknow: Texting is of no avail in such instances of circumstantial consternation. Auditor emptor ! (11:06pm)
nobodyouknow: It's Incredible ! Since I started using Hal-Based Mathematics, my sexual life greatly improved, as seen on TV! (11:10pm)
nobodyouknow: Despite all the air-kissing and eye-batting by the Hal RObins administration towards the Radio Valencia audience, the entire spectacle is nothing more than a political shape-shifting ruse, no different in essence than cross-dressing transvestite Halloweeners -- (11:11pm)
nobodyouknow: -- a mere exercise in deception and done entirely in the interests of having San Francisco open the gates to her well-protected city so that -- as in the Aeneid's Trojan Horse - a nighttime invasion may take place. (11:11pm)
nobodyouknow: The so-called Ask Dr Hal Show should not only be expelled from all countries where it operates, the operatives should be drowned in a cesspit for the crimes they have helped perpetrate against many peoples around the world: (11:13pm)
nobodyouknow: recruiting subversives, and mercenaries, infiltrating political and sexual movements, torturing and disappearing people, spying, trafficking children and women for prostitution, smuggling drugs, etc (11:13pm)
nobodyouknow: Will no one free me of this meddlesome irony? Ask Dr Hal is a strange trichotomy of intransigent ridiculosity, sexual malfeasance, and rectal rectitude that gives rise to ever-increasing insanity and madness. (11:15pm)
nobodyouknow: Such abuse of the English tongue would be funny were it not fraught with frightful consequences, moral bankrupture, and embarassing humiliation. Ask Dr Hal is merely the apex of hyprocritical hubris, postulated as a potentially positive reinforcement for political procedures, posing as a paliative against revolution. (11:15pm)
nobodyouknow: posing as a paliative against revolution. (11:16pm)
nobodyouknow: In keeping with the unprofessional journalistic ineptitude that typically characterizes the propaganda screeds emoted by Dr Hal, no actual names are mentioned ! It is because of such blatant whore-mongering zio-crap like that Dr Hal has lost almost half his listeners in a single hour tonight. (11:16pm)
Santa Claus: Life is tough; times are hard; Here's your fucking Christmas Card. (11:17pm)
Krishna: Kaadal Mannan Veetukkari Asathal Purushan Pondatty Vedha ! (11:18pm)
JFK: The neo-con lunatic fringe, personified by Puzzling Evidence, has hijacked The Ask Dr Hal Show, plundered and poisoned the minds of listeners, and produced a string of illegitimate radio programs based on the monumental lie of a hyperthetical false flag attack on Radio Valencia. (11:19pm)
Darwin: DR HAL -- Vintage Big Horn Sauropeds, Bouncing Blonde Raptors, Tattoed T-Rex, Brontosauri Buttocks, Oiled Triceratops, Perfect Perky Pterodactyls, Post-Adult Abrosaurus Asses, Monster Scrotum Humanum, Buxom Bambiraptors, Bainoceratops Boobie-Boinking, Bisexual Brontomeri, Caudipteryx Cocks, Camarasaurus Cunnilingus, Double-Dipping Dandankosaurus, Dinodocus Dicks ! (11:21pm)
Darwin: Caudipteryx Cocks, Camarasaurus Cunnilingus, Double-Dipping Dandankosaurus, Dinodocus Dicks ! (11:21pm)
CPRmichael: Over here? (11:22pm)
OMG Skitler: Now land the damn thing (11:23pm)
somebodyyouknow: 19000 eighty! (11:26pm)
nobodyyouknow: Stop that DRIVEL!! (11:28pm)
The Ghost: Here we are (11:28pm)
The Ghost: Hi kids (11:29pm)
The Ghost: Ovver here (11:29pm)
The Fun Real Industry: Ok Cost runs begin now (11:32pm)
CPRmichael: Hey Pete, when can we see the comet? (11:39pm)
Dr. Penny: Pete wants to moon us. (11:41pm)
Dr. W: (11:45pm)
CPRmichael: I want a Dr. Hal poem! (11:54pm)
CPRmichael: I am "Asking Dr. Hal" for a poem. (12:00am)
Karen Carpenter: krampus is hipster santa (12:16am)
Karen Carpenter: engineer talk is sexy (12:25am)

The Missing Episode
November 29, 2013 10:00pm
The Missing Episode where Hal recounts his adventures in the South Pacific, where, in a tropical version of Excalibur, he was the only person in the entire atoll able to open a jar of jam that no one else could and thus Hal was crowned King of the Cannibals.

Or maybe not.

Hal's Radio Product
November 22, 2013 10:00pm
A full studio of microphonic babbling.

Chatroom History
November 22, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: fuck yeah (10:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: SubGs in the house mutha funkas (10:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: thanks hal, looking forward to a good night (10:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's been a long week, what do yuo have planned for us subg's out in the waste land? (10:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: excellent! (10:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: How To Pee Without 'Splashback': Study Of Fluid Dynamics Unveils Best Tactic For Men -- (10:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: =TLTjUdKOIHY5oU-LMxUBLOwt_9cUZ-911M (10:12pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is that IP Standings literature on the subject? (10:12pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: You're micturating me off already, mr peepee pants (10:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Wild Women of Wongo -- -- (10:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Brilliant script, acting, & cinematography -- must see must see must see... Enormous quantums of boogy-woogy hotness ! An astonishing accomplishment of theatricality ! (10:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Uniquely unforgetable ! Open a new window in your browser and start watching NOW ! The perfect accompaniment to Ask Dr Hal ! (10:15pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Q: How many Palestinian SubGenii does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who needs a light bulb? (10:17pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Q: What does it take for a SubGenius to change a light bulb? A: Never mind, I%u2019ll shit in the dark. (10:18pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Q: How many grouchy Marxist SubGenii does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, after the revolution the proletariat Pinks will do it for us. (10:18pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Q: How many secular assimilated SubGenii does it take to change a light bulb? A: My grandmother, who lived in Dobbstown, changed lightbulbs. Today, we get a Pink to do it. (10:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: How many Amish SubGenii does it take to change a light bulb? A: What is a light bulb (10:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Agreed, done with the Kennedy (10:23pm)
DrPantzFunkley: move on already (10:23pm)
DrPantzFunkley: people that is, not you guys (10:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The arguments presented by Dr Hal to rationalize his bathos are the sort of fatuous gerbil shyte that can only be found in the Crass Media -- and the farcical fellow fellow actually claims to live by the grace of the ineffable. (10:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Stangitudinosity such as that make me pyroflatulate spontaneously, at great risk to my expensive imported Japonip lycra panties. (10:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i have heard that argument before (10:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but i can't place the source... where did i hear that before... /me ponders (10:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: sounds like a nice party going on there (10:26pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: "Im Dr Hal, and I%u2019m here to help." How many times this gas has been passed around in joke form lies beyond body count since Dr Hal has been granted carte blanche to wax joculent upon American citizens. (10:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i enjoy the tchk tchk tchk of the lighter you can hear from time to time during the broadcast (10:26pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: To be honest with you, one time only, I admit to some huge satisfaction when Dr hal gave that Dianne Feinstein a terminal dose of venereal disease. Yet she continues to live, in a manner of speech. (10:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: That perplexes me in a technical way, as a feudal serf vassal of the Rot-child AshkeNazi bankers, feckless uninformed fuqueless moron that I am. (10:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Perhaps Pete Goldies can explain it away, were he willing ( in a manly way ) (10:28pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal sure looks cool in that Robo-DJ suit, a big hulking thug with BB shot testicles and incontinent steroidal rage, lumbering his saurian way through the concrete jungles, pumped up and tinkled off. He is a perfect storm of looming possibilities, all enforced by attack kitties wearing body armor. (10:28pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha (10:28pm)
DrPantzFunkley: nice sound effects, thanks! (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: XDay is going to be great this year (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: looking forward to getting together with the crew (10:29pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Once we peel away the persiflage about protecting and serving the public, Dr Hal's case for acquiring an armored car for The Show is rooted in the mindset of counterinsurgency showfare, in which Dr Hal sees himself as an embattled salient of Order surrounded by incipiently violent people who must be over-awed and compelled to submit. (10:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: incipiently violent people who must be over-awed and compelled to submit. (10:30pm)
DrPantzFunkley: dang, technical difficulties abound (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i think you are jinxing the show Nodoby (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Nobody* (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: with your weird bot like linguistics (10:31pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: My powers are catholic, even at Radio Valencia, though I am 1000 miles away in Las Vegas (10:32pm)
Dr. W: Anyone know good mashup shows? (10:32pm)
Dr. W: Some assembly required was good sometimes. (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I never knew there were shows dedicated to directly that (10:32pm)
Dr. W: Gonna have to do some meself (10:33pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Don%u2019t suffer from Post-Show Traumatic Disorder -- go out and cause it. (10:33pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: %u2019 = ' (10:34pm)
somebodyelse: Dr Hal Reviews : Clan of the Condo Bears At a time in prehistory when Neandergenii share the Earth with early Homo Pinkus, a band of cave-dwellers adopt blond and blue-eyed Oohlala, an orphaned child of the Yetinski. (10:36pm)
somebodyelse: As Oohlala matures into a spirited young woman of hotness and courage, she must fight for survival against the gynophobic Stangians and hyperhorny Philogians. This is her story. (10:36pm)
bobnelson: I'm in Las Vegas. Somebody help me, please (10:37pm)
Dr. W: WOR IS OVER (10:38pm)
DrPantzFunkley: get on the mic my man (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Dr Hal, are you talking questions? (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: What does the Fox say? (10:40pm)
somebodyelse: bow wow wow (10:41pm)
Dr. W: wow such Hal many talking (10:42pm)
somebodyelse: Saith Dr Hal unto his Critics : Audacious wights ! Know then, proud Pinkboys, that thou shalt instant perish 'neath my potent tongue ! (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: my typos are in full effect tonight... ugh (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: TAKING questions (10:42pm)
somebodyelse: Saith Dr Hal : Ye leaders of witches, crickets, and chimeras dire ! know thou, that here before yon azure heaven the cause of truth, of valour, and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try thee ! (10:43pm)
somebodyelse: Thus spaked Dr Hal, and brandishing his mighty tongue, doth instant prodigies sublime perform, and instant on the earth the Critics roared credo for their lives. (10:43pm)
somebodyelse: Detested miscreants ! roared Dr Hal ; Avaunt ! Enchanters dire and goblins could alone this arduous task perform : (10:44pm)
somebodyelse: to rout The Show, foul defeat, and war, even such as ne'er was known before to vilify The Show that erst defended famed virginity, and matrons all bewronged, and pilgrims hoar, and courteous guise of all (10:45pm)
somebodyelse: But is the age of chivalry gone, and the glory of the SubGenii is extinguished for ever? (10:45pm)
somebodyelse: The frog Critics, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot their libel and slander, that before had seemed so terrible, at the sight and sound of Dr Hal, in glorious exaltation, like some huge storm of mill-stones, or when it rains whole clouds of dogs and cats. (10:46pm)
somebodyelse: Ever and anon the bladders, loud resounding on his chaps, proclaimed their fury against all impotent laws, coercive mayoraltys ; when Dr Hal, submissive, thus in cunning guile addressed the Critics and the minion Pinks -- (10:47pm)
somebodyelse: Shall you, thus armed with bladders vile, attack my title, eminence, and pomp sublime? Subside, vile discord, and again return to your true allegiance. Worship me, or die dire ! (10:47pm)
somebodyelse: Ceased he then, right worshipful, when the Critics instant stemmed their vituperations, and in sign of peace and unity returning, 'neath their feet reclined their pens. (10:48pm)
somebodyelse: Suddenly Dr Hal stamped his foot sinistrine, and the loud report of bursten bladder stunned each ear surrounding, like the roar of thunder from on high convulsing heaven and earth in puissant flatulance (10:48pm)
somebodyelse: Then more gladsome turned his merry note, e'en thou didst perish, shrieking gave the ghost in empty air, the sport of every wind ; for e'en that heart so jocund and so gay was pierced, harsh spitted by the sputum of good Dr Hal. (10:49pm)
somebodyelse: And the Pinks, long mute and thunderstruck, at which, in universal chorus and salute, they sung blithe jocund, and amain advanced rebellious 'gainst the Critics. (10:50pm)
somebodyelse: Nor could the Critics escape from rage, from fury less averse than cannons murder o'er the stormy sea. (10:51pm)
somebodyelse: And all had gone to wreck in more than mortal strife, unless, like Neptune orient from the stormy deep, Dr Hal rose, e'en towering o'er the ruins of his fighting troops. (10:51pm)
somebodyelse: Serene and calm he stood, and gazed around undaunted; nor did aught oppose, and he waxed joculent, and splattered humor amain o'er all the crowd contending. (10:52pm)
somebodyelse: And thus while rejoiced they to gobble fast the proffered jokes in general plenty and fraternal peace, " Hush," he cried, " hush! hush! " And the Critics fell silent dead. Amen. (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: why spam the chat with not funny stuffs, when you could spam it with worthwhile rant (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: nobody is against spamming, if it's funny (10:54pm)
somebodyelse: I am the funniness; you are the flopped joke. And Im not spamming. I put a lot of time into prepping this. Ask DR Hal what HE thinks about it... (10:56pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how much time? (10:58pm)
somebodyelse: I was of The Show before you were spawned... (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what's a flopped joke? as opposed to a flipped joke? (10:58pm)
somebodyelse: The Floppy Joke is between your legs ... The wisecrack is behind your joke (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's better (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's mostly intelligible (10:59pm)
somebodyelse: I am praised with faint damnation... (11:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: somebodyelse is an agent provocateur no? (11:05pm)
somebodyelse: If you must know, Im Bob Nelson, a free agent, a Sovereign Human Being with Rights & Choices. (11:08pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha smack it to the man (11:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i love it (11:13pm)
John F Kennedy: Please stop talking about me. I'm trying to rest in peace. I'll reincarnate in a few years and try again. But Lynon Johnson : YOU are unforgiven... (11:22pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hahah (11:22pm)
John F Kennedy: As for you, DrPantzFunkley -- it's Gitmo for you (11:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i can live with that (11:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: solitary for me (11:25pm)
DrPantzFunkley: can i get pork though (11:25pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i do so love them BLTs (11:25pm)
John F Kennedy: The guards will "pork" you all you want (11:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oui oui (11:27pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but of course (11:27pm)
John F Kennedy: with their weewees (11:27pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oui oui (11:27pm)
John F Kennedy: in the urinal please (11:27pm)
DrPantzFunkley: so how's it hangin' Jack? (11:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what's the good word? (11:29pm)
John F Kennedy: Jack me off (11:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh right (11:30pm)
DrPantzFunkley: nice pillow talk (11:30pm)
John F Kennedy: all little to the left, please (11:30pm)
John F Kennedy: all = a (11:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yeah, that needed clarification (11:31pm)
John F Kennedy: I've had enough of your guff. Meet me in front of Radio Valencia at midnight and we'll settle this mano-a-mano (11:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: so are you a guest on the show? (11:34pm)
John F Kennedy: I am the very soul of the show (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i spy with my little eye... (11:35pm)
spy emerson: hi everyone (11:40pm)
spy emerson: meeee (11:40pm)
spy emerson: sausage party (11:41pm)
spy emerson: in da house (11:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: orgasmic inducing answer it would seem (11:56pm)
Dr. Penny: Ask Dr. Hal shall answer all your questions. (12:00am)
DrPantzFunkley: hey hey Dr Penny (12:00am)
DrPantzFunkley: how's it going? (12:00am)
Dr. Penny: It's going really really good. (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: excellent (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: i am glad it's the weekend and thanksgiving is coming up, i need some r and r (12:02am)
Dr. Penny: I'm pretty drunk right now, but all things are really really good. Ahhhh!, I love the science report. Dr. Goldie always delivers sooo super good. (12:05am)
DrPantzFunkley: i have to get some sleep, it's been a long day (12:10am)
Dr. Penny: Praise Dr. Hal. Praise Dr. Goldie. Praise Puzzling Evidence. Praise KROB. (12:11am)
Dr. Penny: Praise "Bob". (12:11am)

Discount Bulk Show
November 15, 2013 10:00pm
TO clear the aisles for the Thanksgiving items, we are offering the Ask Dr Hal Show at a discount. How do we do it? VOLUME!

Chatroom History
November 15, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr Joe Mengaylay: Dear Dr Hal -- The Boys from Brazil have arrived at last... I am certain that they will meet your special "needs", as I selected them myself according to your specifications : blond eyes, blue hair, Aryan, bulletproof, ready to explode into Destiny, and finitely superior to any and all pinks. Their names are Bobby. If you are satisfied with them, please remit the remainder of your payment to my BitCoin account according to our agreement. Signed, Dr Joe Mengaylay (10:20pm)
Dr Joe Mengaylay: Their names are Bobby. If you are satisfied with them, please remit the remainder of your payment to my BitCoin account according to our agreement. Signed, Dr Joe Mengaylay (10:21pm)
Bobbette: CONFESSIONS OF A SHOW HO' -- After years of listening to The Show ( Ask Dr Hal & Puzzling Evidence ), I began to realize that I have HUGE chunks of Missing Time as a direct result of listlessly listening to their relentless audio-sexual abuse. Their slithering silver tongue devilry has wormed through my cochlea and into my cranium, where it LIES implanted, always transmitting their interminable insidious, invidious, insipid, indecent mind-control commands. (10:23pm)
Bobbette: Their slithering silver tongue devilry has wormed through my cochlea and into my cranium, where it LIES implanted, always transmitting their interminable insidious, invidious, insipid, indecent mind-control commands. (10:24pm)
Bobbette: I have undergone hundreds of hours of psychiatric counseling and hypnotic recall to recover my memories of the horrific torture of my genitalia by the seemingly loveable Dr Hal Robins and his creepy cohort Doug Wellman. Here is my story : OWWW ! OWWW ! OWWW ! STOP ! STOP ! PLEASE STOP ! PLEASE ! (10:24pm)
Bobbette: Sleep deprivation, Russian roulette, boiling water enemas, recycled micturation, faecal fear-mongering ( to this day I am afraid to make caca, poopoo, nana, doodoo, shyte, turds, or merde )... (10:24pm)
Bobbette: Ritual evocations and victual blood sacrifices of terrified kidnappee Milk Carton Kid virgins to Hypo-Dimensional Reptilian HemiUrges... (10:25pm)
Bobbette: followed by orgiastic buffet feasting upon harvested organs and goblets of hot, fresh haeme... (10:25pm)
Bobbette: All too much Pink Magic... Somebody help me, please ! Stop The Show ! Stop The Show ! (10:25pm)
Bobbette: There must be some threshold for criticality, some brasting point that prompts the legions of swindled Listeners to break out its fabled arsenals of Killer Jokes that bring the Big Lie to its long overdue bitter end, (10:26pm)
Bobbette: when Truth will out The Show for the fantabulous, feckless daemonic fraud that it is, at an unaffordably hyper-inflated price at that, plus a profound disinterest in the inevitable subsequential counter-coup of the zeitgeist. (10:26pm)
Bobbette: It is one of the great hidden blessings of our time, actually, that anything organized on such a massive scale as The Show is pre-doomed to failure. But it is likewise the great mission of our time to prepare to get funny and funnier, (10:26pm)
Bobbette: something we%u2019re not really ready for, nor capable of accomplishing in the face of the Extinction Level Event we have evoked in Fukushima. As we consummate with Dr Hal this evening, we can find solace and succor in knowing that the intertwining of these general dynamics will be the story line for millions of millenia to come. (10:27pm)
Bobbette: the story line for millions of millenia to come. (10:27pm)
Ezekiel: Tonight, as I lay abed, pondering the mysteries of the orgasm, I received a Vision from God. It told me to tell you this : -- A Great Earthquake will strike San Francisco-Sodom at 10:48 pm tonight. (10:28pm)
Ezekiel: If you value your pathetic excuse for a life, run away NOW ! RUN ! It is too late to get out of town -- but RUN to the nearest open space so you won't be squashed by collapsing buildings, or sliced and diced by a rain of glass shards. RUN ! RUN ! (10:28pm)
Ezekiel: P.S. Too late... We return now to our regular programming. (10:28pm)
Neville Shoot: Come One, Come All ! Meet Dr Hal -- "On The Beach" at The Presidio under the Gilded Gate Bridge -- November 31 at 9 p.m. -- We'll dance the night away, "Waltzing Matilda" till Fukushima comes ashore, bearing its generous gifts of clinging, cloying, sticky particles of nuclear love for you, mon amour. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: for you, mon amour. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: Together we'll stumble along the shoreline, over and around the softly glowing tsunami debris. Simultaneously, we'll thrill as one to the squishyness of countless nuked starfish disintegrating inexplicably. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: We'll gasp with unified amazement at the beautious pods of beached dolphins and whales, all covered with noisome sores, tumors, and plastic flotsam. (10:32pm)
Neville Shoot: Hand-in-hand, we shall look for pieces of mind, passively pussyfooting around the nuclear issues that derive from Israel's Magna BSP-Stuxnet cost-effective pacification of the bankruptured Pacific Ocean. (10:33pm)
Neville Shoot: Don't miss this once-in-a-Yuga opportunity to be too late to do anything whatsoever effective ! Join us for a mealy-mouth schmooze-fest "On The Beach" at The Presidio -- November 31 at 9 p.m. (10:33pm)
Neville Shoot: We'll sit on our duffs and butocks around a raging bonfire of vain veneration of Dr Hal, united in juvenile circle-jerking jocularity ! Later, we'll rage and rail against the Machine-Beast in futile self-indulgence, even more meaningless and monumentally time-wasting than Burning Man ! (10:33pm)
Noah Webster: That's BUTTOCKS, you ass.... (10:34pm)
Liberty Valencia: A Warning To Show Trolls I will not brook, nor shall I tolerate, any more slanderous articulation, nor any libelous pink journalism with regard or in reference to Dr Hal and that one time with that Mule. (10:36pm)
Liberty Valencia: That Mule was at least 21 years old, which made it a consenting adult. And that one time occurred over 7 years ago, so the statue of limitations does not apply. And anyhow, it was a science experiment, and Dr Hal will do anything if it's for Science. (10:37pm)
Liberty Valencia: So bugger off, all you retro-voyeurs ! You are but vicarious vampires vultures, viscerating the virtuous vitae of the good Dr Hal, Lord of the Fleas ! All hail Dr Hal ! Vote for Dr Hal, Emperor of San Francisco ! Vote early, and vote often ! (10:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: A Warning To Pink Boys -- You Pink Boys are destined to slavery because you have all the attributes and appropriations of a slave race. Look around you and take notice of what you nominally SubGenius have become: (10:51pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: semi-literate, quasi-cultured, proto-philistine, easily misled and incredulous, rational, subject to objective propaganda and principled pleasure, television-addled, enervated by aspartame, stultified by fake drugs, brutalized by prehensile pornography ! (10:52pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: As the sewage of Puzzling Evidence and Ask Dr Hal -- collectively called " The Show " -- spreads its slime over the golden cornfields and shining towers of a once Christian country, there is nothing much to live for except sex and death and more money. (10:53pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: BREAKING NEWS HEADLINES : FEMA Bodybag labels : Radio Valecia - Ask Dr Hal Listeners ! Pictures at Midnight ! Start Worrying -- Facts Follow... (11:01pm)
Dr. Penny: $35 dollars for eternal salvation or triple your money back!!!! Praise "Bob"! (11:04pm)
John Lennon: I wrote a song for you : Show, Show me do You know I Show you I'll always be true So please, Show me do Whoa, Show me do (11:07pm)
John Lennon: Dear Mr Robins -- I may be dead but being stuck on the astral plane, I can still listen to your radio broadcast, which comes across like a megaphonic loudspeaker on this side of reality. (11:09pm)
John Lennon: Yep... you're wonderful, but you're stinking up the atmosphere in Hell. Please use a script or shut up. Reruns of Old Show are ok, before you went maudlin on us... Signed, John Lennon (11:09pm)
John Lennon: Dear Dr Hal I wrote another song for you: "Can't Buy Me Jokes --- Can't buy me jokes, jokes Can't buy me jokes I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if you'll tell a joke just right I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you'll tell a joke just right Cos I don't care too much for money, and money can't buy me jokes (11:11pm)
John Lennon: and money can't buy me jokes I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll just tell a joke I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me jokes Can't buy me jokes, everybody tells me so Can't buy me jokes, no no no, no (11:12pm)
John Lennon: How do you like it ? Admittedly it's a bit rough in spots, but it has a good hook, and it's danceable... Signed John Lennon (11:13pm)
John Lennon: Dear Dr Hal -- You're so inspiring, I wrote another song for you : "Help!" Help, I need some Show Help, not just any Show Help, you know I need Dr Hal, somebody help me, please (11:14pm)
John Lennon: When I was younger, so much younger than yesterday I never needed anybody's Show in any way But now those Shows are gone, and I'm not self insured Now I find I've deranged my mind, and turned on the radio (11:14pm)
John Lennon: Help me even if you can't, I'm feeling down And I do appreciate you being round Help me get my ears back in the sound Won't you please, somebody help me, please. Signed John Lennon (11:15pm)
Dr. Penny: John Lennon, I know you really do wish I'd "show you do." It shall be, one day. ;) (11:16pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: John Lennon (11:17pm)
John Lennon: May I reincarnate through you as my mommy ? (11:17pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The Blogosphere is awash with the anguished wails of concerned SubGenii who bemoan the present state of The Show -- the looting of ordinary listeners by Pink pranksters, homeyness, joke losses and falling skies, rising unslackment and pre-poverty, drugless addiction, low-grade post-sexual pornoglyphy, failed suicides, daily shoot-ins and the slurred murder of the English tongue, decaying political infrastructures, spying and snitching by facecomic fiends and faceless foes alike, buttheads all. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: low-grade post-sexual pornoglyphy, failed suicides, daily shoot-ins and the slurred murder of the English tongue, decaying political infrastructures, spying and snitching by facecomic fiends and faceless foes alike, buttheads all. (11:19pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: All in all, it is a disgraceful picture from The Show to an ordinary SubGenius, as if of a Fourth World theocratic iconograph of Mohammed the Mohel, as it were, a profitable prophecy by the God of the Gorillas, a desperate last-gasp attempt to convert Camel-suckers to Marlboro-mensch. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I call for Jihad against The Show ! Come one, come all ! Join me in front of Radio Valencia to protest this violation of my virginal vagaries and the hymen of my vacuous vaginal virtues ! Bring your own pitchforks and condoms and beer. (11:20pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Show Tip of the Day --- Newbie listeners often complain that Ask Dr Hal has a steep learning curve. This is because The Show has multiple different attention-capture modes and their names (or whatever they are) are not self explanatory. (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: New listeners will doubtlessly -- or perhaps even indubitably -- be confused as to which modalities to utilize, depending on the mood de jour. The good thing is, the Help file clearly explains what each mode is and its fundamental funcion in terms of fun. So stop worrying, sit back, sit up straight, and enjoy the damned Show ! But PLEASE -- DO NOT TRY TO TALK AND THINK AT THE SAME TIME ! (11:21pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: sit up straight, and enjoy the damned Show ! But PLEASE -- DO NOT TRY TO TALK AND THINK AT THE SAME TIME ! (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: When the music stopped in October 2013, Dr Hal bopped away with a $40 million severance package from Chicken John, and we puerile peons were left to sweep the confetti off the floors, mop up the spilt champagne, pick up the empty bottles, broken glasses and caviar droppings, scrub the vomitorium with our own toothbrushes, and pay for all the damages incurred during the sordid orgy of greed, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: scrub the vomitorium with our own toothbrushes, and pay for all the damages incurred during the sordid orgy of greed, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Somehow the distracted, techno-narcissistic, oh-so-too-easily duped zombies have been lured once again into the cutely decorated arachnoidal web of subprimarily mortgaged Show lies. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: We have only ourselves to blame as the discorporate fascist panarchist vampires implement their final solution for the SubGenius central class and our once proud Show %u2013 a pointless joke to the back of the head. (11:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Already enow, I find myself gasping with amazement as I gaze into the abyss, alternately yawning with bemused boredom and post-existential ennui as our parasitic host shows his true color : PINK ! PINK ! PINK ! (11:24pm)
jr "spud" seven: One week, 50 years! (11:47pm)

Dr. Hal vs. Dr. Hal
November 8, 2013 10:00pm
A radio show done by Dr. Hal, featuring Dr. Hal. There were no survivors.

Chatroom History
November 8, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: "A circular firing squad." (11:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Sigh... Another show, another dolorous symphony of failed attempts to joculate my existential ennui -- more inept skulldung writ large on a backdrop of post-futuristic tranquility, so serene as to anchor my chaos in comfortable comport under a steaming pile of communal compost on a derelict garbage scow, now run aground here in Sludge Bay. (11:22pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: derelict garbage scow, now run aground here in Sludge Bay. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The resultant loss of illegitimacy bothers me no end in very undesirable directions, but no matter, and to no avail. Please pardon my optimistic fatalism. I know this because I am part of the problematic solution. (11:23pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: SubGenii such as I try things like this because we are all, as it were, Trayvon, freshly commodified juvenile narcissists with untenable collective modalities, being stalked by paranoid pocho-mulatto inbreds with tangled telomeres -- not a tenable tendency in this eternity. (11:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal RObins is a unique blend of fabulous incompetence, pseudo-narcissism, and murderously cosmic egolessness, and odd in the extreme to boot, complete with flashing neon lights, fanfares, timpani, trapeze artists, searchlights, all proclaiming %u201CHere I am! I%u2019m forging your joy with impudent impunity ! (11:26pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: all proclaiming "Here I am ! I'm forging your joy with impudent impunity ! (11:27pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal promotes a greater harmony of science and hedonistic spirituality in a generous melange of political aimlessness and interfaith schmoozing, awash in the style of Zen-Bahai tradition. (11:28pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: But separation from this Show is eventually inevitable, and brings with it a burgeoning of burning grief and noisome sores, blistering buboes of periodontal plague, beloved of children without toothbrushes or fluoridated candy. (11:29pm)
Dr. Penny: Here come the cats now, roller skating down the street. (11:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Listening to Dr Hal, we are resurrected in a world illumined with everlasting solace and succor. Therefore, lament not, for thou shalt find perpetual Show in the Ccean of Pee-Love, aborted again in the eternal death culture of calamitious concurrency, enow and forever, amen. (11:30pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Click Here To Read More : THE PALTRY MISSING $ 9000000000000 from the " Ask Dr Hal " donation account at PayPal. (11:32pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Let's take a look at DrHalCare without the party politics. When it comes to the Affordable Joke Act, AKA DrHalcare, a large percentage of the public is completely misinformed about what the law actually entails. (11:35pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It is possible to read the law from an interior, psychological perspective: Rather than just a call to reaction, it's about the psychological process of coming to terms with Dr Hal, by allowing oneself to feel the overwhelming anger that is the natural response. (11:36pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: When it comes to the Affordable Joke Act, AKA DrHalcare, once one has faced the facts, overcome fear, and come to terms with one's own righteous anger, THEN it's time for revulsion. (11:37pm)
Dr. Penny: "Where two or more are gathered in Bob's name...." (11:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: In its evolution from hypothesis to dogma, "Ask Dr Hal" demonstrates social engineering in its most tawdry superficiality. (11:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Ask Dr Hal is a blatant attempt at post-crisis observation of management responsivity, writ large with spray paint. (11:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The message is simplistic, even stark in its implicit skimpiness of detail. (11:40pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Controversy swirls like a tornado around the post-reality opportunism being exploited by eventual beneficiaries who remain anonymous at this writing. (11:40pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: First responders to the tragedy of the Show commons, the alleged callers who telephone their pathetic queries to Dr Hal, can be traced back to their ancestral origins. (11:41pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: The earliest Twitter tweets about Dr Hal are time-stamped at 8 a.m., many hours before the crisis was folded in the laundromat downstairs from Radio Valencia. (11:41pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Sexual orientation is not a term used in the diagnostic criteria for podiatric examination of the impatient patients at the Dr Hal Clinic. (11:42pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: It is, however, asked all too often by the good Doctor Hal himself as he poses the question in private with regard to the privy parts located upleg from the Achilles Heel. (11:42pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Therefore, We should support continued efforts to develop treatments for those with podiophilic disorder with the goal of preventing future acts of lost sock abuse, the which seems to a peculiar penchant of the dear Doctor. (11:43pm)
Addlepate: During his stay at the Bal Loks Ashram in Skro Tumh, India ( 1965-1977 ), Dr Hal learned to predict the future from examination of testicles. Here is what he learned : (11:45pm)
Addlepate: The man who has only one testicle does not have a long life span. If both the testicles are not of a similar size and shape, then such a man has a lively and unstable nature. (11:45pm)
Addlepate: If the testicles are long and slant straight downwards, then the man lives for a hundred years. If the testicles slant towards the left, this person has no difficulty in fathering children. (11:45pm)
Addlepate: If the testicles are continuously in a contracted state; such a man lives in poverty. If the testicles are big, like a horse, then the person has love affairs and relations with beautiful women. Small testicles indicate a short life span. (11:46pm)
Addlepate: While a resident intern at the Long Wang Monastery in Lhasa, Tibet ( 1972-1967 ), Dr Hal was trained to predict the future from the smell and color of Semen and the flow of Urine. (11:47pm)
Addlepate: Both these Tantras of course predict the future of men only. Here now gives some of the methods used for the interest of readers. If the semen smells like scented flowers then, the person become very powerful, like a king. (11:48pm)
Addlepate: If it smells like fish, then this person has more daughters. If smelling like meat, then he is a selfish, self centered and calculating man. (11:48pm)
Addlepate: If the semen smells like alcohol, then the person is a philanthropist and has a most generous and giving nature. (11:48pm)
Addlepate: If the color of the semen is misty or cloudy, then such a person has a sad and melancholy nature. If the color is like pure milk, then this person gains power and authority. (11:48pm)
Addlepate: As for Urine -- If the urine falls to the right, then it indicates power. If it falls in a scattered stream, then such a man is poor. If the urine flows like a wave, then such a person has beautiful children. (11:49pm)
Mayor Weiner: Click Here to View Dr Hal s Vintage Porn Collection ( PART 69 ) Featuring Amateur Brown Hair Brunette Babesin Bathroom Bondage... Drunk In-car Celebrity Domination... Outdoor Facial Lingerie Fetish Glamour... Chubby Mature Legs Massage ... Oiled Highheel Schoolgirl Tattoos ... Public Gym Groupgrope ... and Much Much More ! (11:50pm)
Mayor Weiner: Public Gym Groupgrope ... and Much Much More ! Click Here Now (11:51pm)
Dr Hal: I click here now. (12:11am)
Grok: I, you. (12:12am)
Antipadies: Grok, you warm I. (12:14am)
e_yazel: Perhaps Hal is trying thinking of a pantograph as the pole coming up from an electric trolley? (12:24am)
e_yazel: I mean, perhaps this is what he is trying to think of. (12:25am)
Antipadies: or Pantalone as the clown backing up the humours (12:25am)
e_yazel: PANTOGRAPH (12:26am)
e_yazel: it was invented here in the Bay Area (12:27am)

Just Kale
November 1, 2013 10:00pm
In a show that briefly mentioned super-vegetable kale, Dr. Hal protested naming the entire episode, including the long dissertation on ears, Just Kale. You Lose, Dr. Hal! Good Day!

Chatroom History
November 1, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

sexmoose: DMAN my slow inter tubes! (10:40pm)
Breaking Naughty: I knows where your goddamn joke lab is hidden. I'm gonna get you, stupit goddamn Show sumbitch. .. Breaking Naughty (10:53pm)
Dr Evil: Send One gazillion-nillion Bitcoins to my Paypal account right now or I will DDOS-jam your chatbox stupid comments ! (10:54pm)
George Soros: I bought "The Ask Dr Hal" Show from Puzzling Evidence for $2000000, then I sold it back to him for $2000020. Now "The Show" is worth 2 million & 20 dollars -- maybe more... I'm going to buy stock in "The Show" ! You should too -- obviously it's a win-win deal ! (10:58pm)
Baby Pink: I sleep on the toilet because I wasn't potty-trained as a child so I have a tendency to wet the bed-- sleeping on the toilet avoids the issue. (11:07pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: If you listen to only one radio program during your entire life, you must hear "Ask Dr Hal" -- absolutely unequaled in its scope, depth, and detail, in its magnificent oratory power, and in its biting, trenchant analysis of existence and being. Dr Hal has somehow succeeded in substituting slogans and argot for thought, redefining old words with provincial dialectic irrelevance, imbued with a dazzling fusion of occulted sexual imagery and monetized monologues that generate non-specific linquistic shock in the unwary and-or unwitting audience members, especially and particularly in their ears. (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal has somehow succeeded in substituting slogans and argot for thought, redefining old words with provincial dialectic irrelevance, imbued with a dazzling fusion of occulted sexual imagery and monetized monologues that generate non-specific linquistic shock in the unwary and-or unwitting audience members, especially and particularly in their ears. (11:10pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: and-or unwitting audience members, especially and particularly in their ears. (11:11pm)
John Holmes: CLICK HERE to see a Sneak Preview of Dr Hal's Vintage Retro Daguerrotype Porn Collection ( Part XXV ) -- Amazing Amateur American Asian Action ! Innocent Hairy Interracial Tanlines ! BBW BDSM Backseat Banana Bathing ! Foot Foreplay Goth Granny Group Gym Gynocologist Hardcore ! Plump Public Police Secretary Massage ! Topless Tramp Teen Nurse Twerking ! Nylon Uniform Fetish Doll Domination ! Homemade Cuckold Puffy Nose Swingers ! (11:12pm)
John Holmes: Plump Public Police Secretary Massage ! Topless Tramp Teen Nurse Twerking ! Nylon Uniform Fetish Doll Domination ! Homemade Cuckold Puffy Nose Swingers ! (11:13pm)
SickofBob: Your silly Show isn't 1 percent as spooky-ooky scary as you pretend. I tried very very hard to be scared poopless, but could only manage to emit one squeeky-eeky little fart. Phooey ! I pyroflatulate in your specific direction with GPS ! Sign Me, Clathrate in Bolinas (11:25pm)
Arnold Pinknigger: I shaved my pussy today. The cat isn't happy, but I feel downright manly about it ! Got a problem with that, girly boy ? (11:26pm)
Arnold Pinknigger: I shaved my ass today. The perissodactyl equinus asinus isn't happy about it, but I feel downright manly ! Got a problem with that, girly-boy ? (11:26pm)
Gov. Brown: Who makes San Francisco politics run glibber all? Why, the very shade of Puzzling Evidence%u2019s noble darling, Dr Hal Robins ! (11:29pm)
Gov. Brown: We can laugh over such schemes as Ask Dr Hal. And perhaps we should laugh at ourselves for having been fooled, for if there is one area in life that exceeds the religious in deception, and touches all of us, it is the Ask Dr Hal program at Radio Valencia. What else can we do about it except laugh? (11:30pm)
Gov. Brown: What else can we do about it except laugh? (11:31pm)
Gov. Brown: What is needed here, therefore, next to water and cleanliness, is a good "Show", the which will protect the credulous from the silly and the wealthy. Radio-banking institutions on sound bases, and doing Shows honorably, also are greatly needed. (11:31pm)
Gov. Brown: Dr Hal Robins governs a Judaeo-Zen world in which not a bowel moves without his sagacious approbation. (11:31pm)
Gov. Brown: Dr Hal stretch his hands, with equal ease, from Peking to Washington DC, from DC to Paris, from Paris to London, from London to Moscow. Dr Hal is the true king of Judah, the prince of the captivity, the Messiah so long looked for by this extraordinary people, the SubGenius race. By their own secret intelligence service and their own news network they could out-maneuver any European government, if only they would. (11:33pm)
Gov. Brown: By their own secret intelligence service and their own news network they could out-maneuver any European government, if only they would. (11:34pm)
Dr Oz: Death By Show In 2012 a study by the AMA admitted that "Ask Dr Hal" (which has assfartame in it) causes fart attacks and strokes egos. This affects the dopamine system of the brain and causes addiction. (11:34pm)
Dr Oz: In August 2013 the California Comedy Institute tried to have "Ask Dr Hal" banned because so many listeners had seizures and were going stupid from the jokes. Their case went all the way to the Supreme Court, but Hal Robins has power even there. (11:35pm)
Dr Oz: Just read the Ask Dr Hal Resource Guide below on how it got on the market after even the FCC revoked the petition for approval and tried to have Hal Robins indicted for fraud. (11:35pm)
Dr Oz: The FCC approved "Ask Dr Hal" even after 120 psychologists wrote the FCC to ban it because of all the studies showing it is a multipotential flatulogen. (11:35pm)
Dr Oz: In October 2013 I called the FCC, and when I said, "People are sick and dying from "Ask Dr Hal", I was told, "So what, we have to depopulate." (11:36pm)
jr "spud" seven: Hello Dr Oz (11:37pm)
RABBI SCHTUP: Dear Dr Hal -- Scuttlebutt around Radio Valencia gym-spa locker room says your foreskin has grown back. Perhaps it's time for a trim ? I can help : I'm a Menoh. Call me ASAP : I charge 4 skins and as big a tip as I can get. Signed, Rabbi Schtup (11:38pm)

Dr. Hal vs. Chatbox
October 25, 2013 10:00pm
The Chatbox was slow to get rolling, but in the end satisfying. The chatbox won.

Chatroom History
October 25, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Madame Bovary: Bonjour Je suis Sonia BARDIAU de nationalit Franaise. J%u2019ai pu avoir votre adresse mail grce a mon Robot lectronique scuris de mon Ordinateur PC. Si je vous adresse ce mail, sachiez que c'est l'%u0153uvre de DIEU qui m'a amen vous choisir parmi tant de mails archives sur le net pour vous confier cette grande responsabilit dont je suis convaincu que vous allez prendre comme une bndiction et un don venu d'une femme de bonne foi (10:38pm)
Madame Bovary: Bien vrai que je ne vous connais pas, ce que je demande DIEU, Je voudrais que tu ralise mes projets pour moi. Je me sens si mal chaque jour car je ne sais pas si je vais survivre suite aux diffrentes oprations. Je n%u2019ai pas eu d'enfant mais au moins j'ai l'affection provenant de votre part et cela me rjouit tellement que vous ayez pens moi en ces moments difficiles. Je ne sais comment vous remercier mais Dieu seul vous le rendra au centuple. (10:38pm)
Madame Bovary: Mon plus grand souhait que vous pouvez m'apporter est de rester en prire avec moi car je sais que vous tes un croyant de Dieu. Je ne voulais pas quitter cette terre sans se rendre compte que mon argent a servis aux enfants dmunis, pauvres, orphelins et autres, un grand soulagement. Cette responsabilit est lourde prendre mais je vous offre cette somme de (2.025.000 %u20AC) pour que vous la grer comme si c'tait la votre dans l%u2019intrt de raliser mes v%u0153ux les plus chers au monde. (10:39pm)
Madame Bovary: Cette responsabilit est lourde prendre mais je vous offre cette somme de (2.025.000 Euros) pour que vous la grer comme si c'tait la votre dans l%u2019intrt de raliser mes v%u0153ux les plus chers au monde. (10:39pm)
Madame Bovary: J%u2019ai vcu inutilement bien aim. Je suis hospitalise dans un hpital en Angleterre. crivez-moi directement mon adresse mail le plus consult Que voici ( (10:39pm)
Madame Bovary: or kill me (10:40pm)
Monsignor Tutu: Dear Dr Hal -- After listening to your show last week, I began to suffer bizarre symptoms in "Precious". I went to a penisologist for an examination. .. (10:41pm)
Monsignor Tutu: The diagnosis is ... Peyronie's disease ... it occurs when the tissue along the shaft of the penis thickens, causing erections to become increasingly curved and even painful. (10:42pm)
Monsignor Tutu: Application of heroin to the thickened tissue twice a day over several months can soften it considerably and eventually allow for more normal functioning. (10:43pm)
Monsignor Tutu: The penicologist said it probably was caused by titillating cunning linguistics. Please cease and desist with saidsuch. I thank you in advance. Sign me, Sexless in Sonora. (10:43pm)
Hanna Montana: Dear Dr Hal Please "twerk" me, right Now ! I'm outside at the front door of Radio Valencia, waiting for you. Help me, please ! Sign Me, Lonely in the Nameless Mission District Yours Truly & Still Desperately In Love with You Studmuffin (10:44pm)
Rabbi Schtup: Hello Dr Hal -- Good news ! I found a buyer for your hair and kidneys ! Call me ASAP -- Rabbi Schtup (10:46pm)
Dr Oz: Dear Dr Hal I am sorry to inform you that your application for Obamacare has been rejected. In any case, the program does not cover sex change operations such as you have requested. I can only suggest that you try medical tourism to India. I can refer you to a specialist clinic there if you are interested. They also accept Bitcoin. (10:48pm)
Dr Oz: if you are interested (10:49pm)
John Holmes: CLICK HERE FOR AN EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW OF DR HAL'S INCREDIBLE PORNO COLLECTION : Naughty Erotic Flexible Nude Upskirt Granny Angel Babe Fetish Toy Extreme Natural Closeup POV Gyno Uniform Auditions ! Homemade Strapon Latex Reality Lingerie Hardcore ! Amateur Barely Legal Shaved PornStar Tooth-Sucking ! Standup Disposable Emo Cuckold Facials ! XXX Daguerotype Videos ! (10:55pm)
John Holmes: Amateur Barely Legal Shaved PornStar Tooth-Sucking ! Standup Disposable Emo Daguerotype Videos ! (10:57pm)
Agent Aslan: What do you know about Comet ISON ? (11:03pm)
Puddling Effulgence: O Sweet Show ... you used to be " wine and roses " ... now you're naught but " whine and neuroses " ... how could I have been so foolish as to believe in you ?Now I suffer from arrested development -- a psychological felony against my humanity ... a dysfuntional delusion of grandiose entertainment, till death do us deport to nether regions of eternal reruns. (11:04pm)
Puddling Effulgence: entertainment, till death do us deport to nether regions of eternal reruns. (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: hi y'all. i missed nhlg cause i was doing a light show. at the fillmore. mrs. doctor fiasco was my lovely assistant. (11:14pm)
Poozzling Everdunce: And so the Show kept rollin' alone... (11:14pm)
God: Stop it. Go away Now. (11:15pm)
Black and White: Leave me out of this (11:16pm)
vj pussycat: i know. i listened to some of the podcast. (11:19pm)
The Audience: We Love YOU!!!!! (11:25pm)
Agent Aslan: I was in the navy. The most powerful military force on earth. (11:27pm)
Salvador Golly: Signed on from The Future (11:49pm)
The Audience: Go Away.Only Show Now. (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: i've seen them mummies (12:44am)
Agent Aslan: B & C are bs. They hide the real issue. (12:52am)
The Audience: Blue pills or Red pills? (12:54am)

Ask Dr. Hal After Show Product
October 20, 2013 12:00am
An hour of over-decompensation following the LIVE SHOW at the Dark Room.

A Show Dr Hal Did
October 18, 2013 10:00pm
Yup, he did it. With help from all the little people.

Chatroom History
October 18, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: In response to your accusation that "Ask Dr Hal" is overly bureaucratic, I suggest that we set up a subcommittee to thinktank the possibility of appointing members of a voluntary policy group to draft a paper with suggestions as to how we might deal with the problem. (10:33pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Click here to view Dr Hal's Uncensored Private Collection of Retro Porn : Upskirt Outdoor Midget Oral Bondage MILF Daguerrotype Movies ! (10:34pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Nostradamus predicted ( Quatrain XII:73 ) that "Le programme de l'radio 'Demandez de Docteur Hal' terminera quande l'Easter est sur 25 Avril [ The radio program Ask Dr Hal will end when Easter is on 25 April ]". Easter @ 25 April occurred in 1666, 1734, 1886, and 1943 -- before the advent of radio or Dr Hal himself. The next such date will be in 2038... (10:35pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: -- before the advent of radio or Dr Hal himself. The next such date will be in 2038... (10:35pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Please "Thumbs Up / Like " this Comment so it will be the most popular one today. I really need the attention ; I wasn't breast-fed as a baby. Somebody help me, please ! (10:36pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: you be fruity like a frozen banana (10:42pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: I am a Sex Goddess -- Come closer my Love, that I might Twerk thee (10:44pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: You are the flaw that the demiurge committed to the materium. Please heal thyself ASAP, that the rest of us might return to the Divine the sooner. (10:47pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: To err is divine; to repair is human (10:49pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Come one , come all ! Witness Dr Hall in person, being his own inimitable selfless personification... only $5 , $5, $5 .... (10:51pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Dr Hal will be there too (10:52pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: This show is top-loaded with top-notch talent%u2013 some of the best entertainers whoever came toddling down the pike. Behold%u2013 we%u2019ve got Kate Willett, comedy sensation! (10:56pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Rusty Rebar will declaim to the lute-like accompaniment of lovely Madeline Tasquin ! Spy Emerson plans to send her act in by Western Union ! (10:57pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: And there%u2019s so much more, O best beloved -- from Pete Goldie%u2019s Space Science Report and Sherilyn Connelly%u2019s IT Illustrations on-the-spot to Juan Rapido%u2019s historic hosting and KrOB%u2019s towering technical effects. (10:58pm)
Buck Mulligan: Hallelujah!!! (10:59pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: The %u2019 is especially amazing ! (10:59pm)
Officer Down: I'll protect you ! (11:00pm)
Buck Mulligan: Rebuffer my stream please. (11:02pm)
Officer Down: Please sign my petition to ban circumcision and replace it with lateralcision. Please... I remain at your service... Rabbi Menoh Dongmuncher (11:02pm)
Officer Down: Ignore the preceding -- I am undercover (11:03pm)
Buck Mulligan: Divine slack now dissolves in my bloodstream. (11:03pm)
Officer Down: Connie DObbbs says : A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. (11:04pm)
Connie Dobbs: Connie Dobbs says : It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. (11:05pm)
Connie Dobbs: Michael Pepe says : I mixed accidentally mixed Viagra and Ex-Lax --now I don't know if I'm coming or going. (11:05pm)
Connie Dobbs: Bob Dobbs says : My marriage is like a bank account. I put it in, I take it out, and I lose interest. (11:06pm)
Connie Dobbs: Bob DObbs says : Viagra is like Disneyland -- a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride. (11:06pm)
George Carlin: Your jokes are like my sex life -- Neither is any good because I don't get it. (11:07pm)
Buck Mulligan: HO! (11:10pm)
Buck Mulligan: Reruns BOOO! (11:12pm)
Buck Mulligan: I'm table-pounding drunk and BAM BAM BAM! (11:13pm)
Buck Mulligan: The whole world is a rerun. (11:13pm)
Buck Mulligan: Oh, I get it, then IS now. (11:15pm)
Frank N. Stein: Twerk me NOW, you fool ! (11:16pm)
Buck Mulligan: FUCK yes. (11:16pm)
Buck Mulligan: Does HAl recite from memory? (11:18pm)
Love the: sitars. (11:22pm)
Doctor Towhomitmayconcern: He regurgitates his earlier ruminations (11:23pm)
Love the: slackjaw. (11:25pm)
Doctor Towhomitmayconcern: Yes, the planet got destroyed, but for one beautiful moment in Time, we created a lot of value for shareholders (11:25pm)
Buck Mulligan: Who profits? (11:26pm)
Doctor Towhomitmayconcern: O arrogant hominid, so delusional as to call yourself 'homo sapiens'... your bathos is bathetic (11:27pm)
Buck Mulligan: Huh? (11:27pm)
Buck Mulligan: Give me math or kill me. (11:30pm)
Buck Mulligan: Ive got a swollen sack. (11:32pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr hal -- your prodigious polymathematical perspicacity perpetuates the permanence of prehistorical dinosaurian dynasties -- viva your vagaries ! (11:36pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: What I learned tonight : human extinction is a certainty, but there's no sense discussing it in public. Let's Twerk ! (11:39pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Please look down : Your biocorporeal encapsulation is leaking ... (11:45pm)
nurseannabella: hi Dr Hal! ;) (11:46pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Osculate my psyche, please (11:46pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: a tale of outrageous hubris, told by a clown to an audience of babbling buffoons ... a tawdry tale of infinite stupidity and unconstrained gleeting... (11:48pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: by vile, incompetent charlatans... a haphazard implosion of civilization -- a gaggle of foolish virgins in a post-Peak Oil world without price, for money is naught (11:52pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: and all is vanity... (11:52pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Such enthusiastic disintegration becomes thine corpuscular integumentations and their thoughtful pensivity (11:54pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Your bon mots fan the flame of my wicked vigor and its vim... (11:56pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Speak the truth, even if your voice trembles (11:56pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Thounshalt not bear false children (11:57pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Now is the midnight of my malcontention ... mysterious miscegenation of remisce emissions , and then ... (12:00am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Your theory of the Round Earth is erroneous, and I can prove it irrefutably, if you werent such a recidivistic libtard knowitall , always yakking -- I can't get a factoid in edgewise... ! Why do I bother ? (12:05am)
nobodyouwantoknow: The sad implication of your desperate deprecation is the denoument of denial, descending into a dark demise of demented delerium ... (12:08am)
nobodyouwantoknow: What a crock of damnable doggerel and drivel, & duplicitous doubletalk ... (12:10am)
Buck Mulligan: You type pretty. (12:11am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Your utter disregard of thermodynamics violats my newtonian sensibilities (12:11am)
Buck Mulligan: Feliz los banjos (12:13am)
nobodyouwantoknow: This so-called "Show" utterly exterpates my existential exigencies to the exteme of civil circumscription. (12:15am)
Buck Mulligan: are you a wizard? (12:16am)
nobodyouwantoknow: That's "extirpates", not "exterpates", you ignorant-ass poseur... (12:16am)
Buck Mulligan: are you talking to yourself? (12:17am)
nobodyouwantoknow: How dare you call me a poseur ? You.. you ... exhibitionist ! (12:17am)
Buck Mulligan: the only dead body i ever saw was a guy named "bob." (12:18am)
Buck Mulligan: how about a tugger? (12:20am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal, you howl like King Canute, whipping the tide till it retreats obediently... (12:22am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Behold the impending of Sophocracy, rule of wisdom, presidented by ... Dr Hal ! (12:25am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal -- A Fool, wise in his Folly... (12:26am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups -- witness Burning Man... (12:29am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Miss another payment and we'll take the blanket... (12:30am)
nobodyouwantoknow: and the shoes... (12:30am)
Buck Mulligan: Wor is holl. (12:30am)
nobodyouwantoknow: You can keep your stinking underwear and socks (12:31am)
Buck Mulligan: *Hill (12:31am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Dr Hal -- Your perorations are as mania gone sane... good night and good luck ... me go nappy now ... (12:34am)
nobodyouwantoknow: to dream, mayhap wetly (12:35am)
nobodyouwantoknow: the little death... (12:35am)
nobodyouwantoknow: a concept of inception, incarnated again and again and again, gaining momentum with each momentuous instant , in every instance... (12:38am)
somebodyelse: It is the pink man's burden to take an approach of superiority regardless of circumstance and because it consults this writer's ego so things make sense... or else... (12:41am)
O-rly: Hail Hal!!! (12:44am)
O-rly: watcha smokin Hal? (12:45am)
somebodyelse: Even the most aggressive slackers and the most asinine previrginal whores agree that we are in a world of hurtful owwies... please suck my buboes -- I can't reach there with my oral opening... I will gladly reciprocate... RSVP ASAP.... (12:46am)
O-rly: Rebuffering... (12:47am)
somebodyelse: Ask not for whom the Bay Bridge tolls -- it tolls for thee (12:47am)
O-rly: Nay. Nay!!! (12:48am)
somebodyelse: Let us embrace this time and embark to the Embarcadero by taking a m easureable step towards the appropriate collapse of all we know... Fukushima, mon amour ... Love's labor lost in mistranslation ... (12:50am)
O-rly: Woe. Woe!!! (12:51am)
O-rly: I'm here, aren't I? (12:52am)
O-rly: Why are there no questions on ADH? (12:53am)
O-rly: Lead air. (12:54am)
O-rly: We all conspire to... (12:56am)

October 11, 2013 10:00pm
For reasons more mundane than usual, The Superfriends of Dr. Hal gathered to talk over each other on the air. Then there was silence.

with Dr. Hal Robins, Michael Peppe, Rusty Rebar and Puzzling Evidence

Chatroom History
October 11, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: everything is great with an egg on it (11:29pm)
vj pussycat: right on dr. hal! (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: but what about her tongue? (11:35pm)
jr "spud" seven: Doctor HAL! Doctor HAL! (11:44pm)

October 5, 2013 12:00am
THE MIXOPTERUS, or perhaps the Mix-up-terus. In any complex syatem, unavoidable errors may occur. We regret the confusion, and recommend a good, reliable organic pesticide.

October 4, 2013 10:00pm
OVERAGE available here. For collectors and completists. Soft-bodied and vulnerable. A life-form of the Understory.

The Most Requested Ask Dr Hal Show Ever!
September 27, 2013 10:00pm
There was one request.

Chatroom History
September 27, 2013 10:00pm - 4:30am

Little Pink SamBob: Play that harmonica, son! (10:12pm)
Little Pink SamBob: Mo' funny please (10:12pm)
Little Pink SamBob: May I sit in the back of the bus? (10:13pm)
Little Pink SamBob: May please listen to your radio show? (10:17pm)
Little Pink SamBob: May I, hunh? Please? (10:18pm)
Big Red Bobo: Dear Dr Hal -- After listening to your show last week, I began to suffer bizarre symptoms in "Precious". (10:24pm)
Big Red Bobo: I went to a penicologist for an examination. The diagnosis is : Peyronie%u2019s disease ... (10:24pm)
Big Red Bobo: Peyronie s disease ... it occurs when the tissue along the shaft of the penis thickens, causing erections to become increasingly curved and even painful. (10:25pm)
Big Red Bobo: Applying heroin to the thickened tissue twice a day over several months can soften it considerably and eventually allow for more normal functioning. (10:25pm)
Big Red Bobo: The penicologist said it probably was caused by titillating cunning linguistics. (10:25pm)
Big Red Bobo: Please cease and desist with saidsuch. I thank you in advance. Sign me, Sexless in Sonora. (10:25pm)
Lois Lane: I found this headline @ : "Dr Hal bites nose of United Airlines hostess after getting drunk on liquid soap" but there was no text... censorship? What brand of soap was that? Inquiring minds want to know! (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Luke! Why have you turned off your targeting computer? (11:24pm)
Dr. Penny: Yes please! Tell us! What made the Apollo computer so great???? (11:29pm)
Dr. Penny: And then the teenagers at the beach were eaten by Jaws. (11:34pm)
rock'n'roll nurse: uh (11:35pm)
rock'n'roll nurse: gidget the midget? (11:35pm)
rock'n'roll nurse: uuhmmm (11:35pm)
Dr. Penny: The particles accellerated launching the capsule into the vast cosmos. (11:37pm)
zabba: whats the number to call in? (11:43pm)
Dr. Penny: Kale wrapped tofu dogs aren't as delicious. (1:13am)

September 20, 2013 10:00pm
MEGALANIA PRISCA was a huge dragon hunted during the remote prehistoric past by tiny humans, our near relatives. It was a Varanid, like those earlier forms that became aquatic air-breathers of gigantic size during the Secondary Era. And, like them and its close cousins the Serpents, it had a long, exstensile forked tongue.

September 13, 2013 10:00pm
IN WARM Mesozoic weathers, No Dinosaur had feathers. To sum up in fewest words, Things that have feathers are Birds.

September 6, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal returns from his 6th Summer 2013 vacation with interesting tales of camping with billionaires, douchebags and billionaire douchebags. The rest of us stayed home and worked for billionaires.

Chatroom History
September 6, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

Alan B: Welcome back, Dr. Hal. (10:56pm)
Alan B: Oh, and hey, Pete. (10:57pm)
Alan B: That's insane! Nobody cleans Radio Valencia. (10:58pm)
Alan B: even even odd odd (10:59pm)
Alan B: Puzz Ev is a mench. (11:00pm)
Alan B: The radio audience will provide questions via mail. (11:04pm)
Alan B: I found one behind a pay phone. (11:07pm)
Alan B: Band name: Pubic Boot (11:11pm)
Alan B: Rocnar hate Turoc! (11:12pm)
Alan B: "The matter of defining what is real %u2026 is a serious topic, even a vital topic. And in there somewhere is the other topic, the definition of the authentic human. Because the bombardment of pseudo-realities begins to produce inauthentic humans very quickly, spurious humans %u2014 as fake as the data pressing at them from all sides. %u2026 Fake realities will create fake humans. Or, fake humans will generate fake realities and then sell them to other humans, turning them, eventually, into forgeries of themselves. So we wind up with fake humans inventing fake realities and then peddling them to other fake humans. It is just a very large version of Disneyland." Philip K. Dick (11:18pm)
Alan B: s the data pressing at them from all sides. %u2026 Fake realities will create fake humans. Or, fake humans will generate fake realities and then sell them to other humans, turning them, eventually, into forgeries of themselves. So we wind up with fake humans inventing fake realities and then peddling them to other fake humans. It is just a very large version of Disneyland." Philip K. Dick (11:19pm)
Alan B: peddling them to other fake humans. It is just a very large version of Disneyland." Philip K. Dick (11:19pm)
Alan B: Via Philo Drummond (11:19pm)
Alan B: Gemeinschaft Society (11:21pm)
Alan B: Coals to Newcastle (11:24pm)
Alan B: (11:26pm)
Salvador Golly: Milwaukee sub-genius checking in (11:27pm)
Alan B: Midwest runs this shit in chat room -- Ann Arbor (11:28pm)
Salvador Golly: Have a good friend that just moved to Ann Arbor (11:30pm)
Alan B: (11:32pm)
Alan B: I hope they have a high tolerance for fakeness and boredom (11:32pm)
Alan B: Pay to Playa Play! That's why we love Pete (11:34pm)
Alan B: Detroit -- leading the nation in bum pee (11:35pm)
Salvador Golly: He works for the federal gov, so yes (11:35pm)
Alan B: He'll fit right in. For the EPA? They have a giant, walled compound on the north side. (11:36pm)
Alan B: If you sign a contract you're supposed to keep up the payments... (11:38pm)
Alan B: Good old Dr. Sal (11:40pm)
Salvador Golly: No, patent office actually (11:40pm)
Alan B: Novel! (11:41pm)
Alan B: LOL the patent office is in Detroit. (11:42pm)
Alan B: Ish kabibble! (11:43pm)
Alan B: Michael Peppe, libertarian. (11:44pm)
Alan B: even even odd odd, one of us, one of us (11:45pm)
Alan B: "Ische ga bibble?" (11:46pm)
Alan B: Michael Peppe, leg man (11:47pm)
Alan B: Band name: Irritable Gay Man (11:48pm)
Alan B: NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND (11:48pm)
Alan B: BMIR = RADIO DISNEY (11:49pm)
Salvador Golly: No the patent office is in Alexandria va. Examiners can work from home from anywhere in the 48 after about 5 years (11:50pm)
Alan B:, Salvador, your friend chose well. Ann Arbor is truly a nice place to raise your kids up. We do indeed have chuches, and liquor stores. (11:51pm)
Salvador Golly: He had the most comically unbearable catholic wedding. Two hours from end to end (11:54pm)
Alan B: (11:54pm)
Salvador Golly: And I'm pretty sure he hated most of it too O_o (11:55pm)
Alan B: Well, I'm a married man and I must admit that you do what must be done. (11:56pm)
Alan B: "They were ravers," and therefore expendible filth. (11:57pm)
Alan B: Order more boxcars for the ravers. (11:57pm)
Alan B: End the dayglo menace for the Fatherland! (11:58pm)
Alan B: (12:00am)
Alan B: We will pray with those old druids, They drink fermented fluids, Waltzing naked though the woo-ids, And it's good enough for me (12:03am)
Karen Carpenter: i'm qearing an NCN t-shirt (12:04am)
Enema d'Etat: I am flush with victory over bullshyte (12:04am)
Alan B: I have a soft spot for Phineas Narco. (12:04am)
Alan B: Hey, ho, way tto go, Ohio. (12:05am)
Smoldering Fetus: woe begone past (12:05am)
Alan B: Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair. (12:06am)
Mickle Peepee: tinkle into the wind for god (12:07am)
Alan B: (12:07am)
Alan B: Jesus, the nostalgia in here . . . (12:07am)
Petard Goldy: hoist me (12:08am)
Alan B: Kodachrome . . . it give you the nice, bright colors, (12:08am)
Alan B: Petard Goldy wins the chatbox (12:08am)
Alan B: It was Pig Night at the Oh Mony Padme Sigma House. We had escaped from the crowd and stood trembling under the dwarf maples. (12:09am)
Alan B: Dr. Hal has a decent accent. (12:11am)
Bambam Lamour: Tonight I am willing to love you one and all, for FREE ! Meet me in the boudoir, my darlings ! (12:13am)
Bambam Lamour: Butt we must practice safe sex -- we will all wear condoms, and do it in a condominium. And if you eat me out, please use a condoment (12:17am)
Alan B: That was fun! (12:25am)
Alan B: KrOB!! (12:29am)
Alan B: The terrible two-some, back together again. (12:30am)
Alan B: (12:31am)
Alan B: Valencia St. siren -- everybody drink! (12:33am)
Alan B: I'm crushed that I cannot attend this KrOB extravaganza of Demme films. (12:34am)
Alan B: Pete Goldie, batting cleanup for Dr. Hal for a tenth of a century. (12:34am)
Alan B: (12:37am)
Alan B: Michael Peppe, masher (12:38am)
Alan B: Dish, girlfriend!!! Puz Ev is gittin' some lovin' (12:38am)
Alan B: Hail, hail Jefferson, land of the free and brave! (12:39am)
Alan B: Vingt minutes que rest avant le fin du show. (12:40am)
vj pussycat: i love me some wolf brand chili (12:41am)
Alan B: Michael Peppe, holder of three of The Four Peas. (12:41am)
Alan B: A rat done bit my sister Nell, and whitey's pissin' on the moon. (12:42am)
Alan B: Billions and billions of pee. (12:43am)
Alan B: By your pee you shall be known. (12:43am)
Alan B: Aliens, do they ever lift? (12:44am)
Alan B: Dinosaur in drag: (12:46am)
Alan B: Antelope Freeway, 1/8th mile (12:47am)
Alan B: (12:49am)
Alan B: Rick Dees is a homunculus (12:49am)
Alan B: Burning man uber alles. (12:49am)
Alan B: Peter's Pay for Playa Plan. The Four Ps! (12:50am)
Alan B: Michael Peppe, rugged individualist (12:51am)
Alan B: How much will they pay for a fistfight between Poundin' Pete Goldie and Horrible John Hell? (12:52am)
Alan B: The Trotsky Brothers (12:54am)
Alan B: Michael Peppe, radio consultant (12:55am)
Alan B: Keep 'em bareful, pregnant and chained to a Miss. (12:56am)
Alan B: Barefoot. Damn autocorrect! (12:56am)
Alan B: The show will crater into the moon in T-3 minutes. (12:57am)
Alan B: Whitey is fixin' to slam into the moon right soon. \ (12:57am)
Alan B: Beatrix Fuckin' Potter! (12:58am)
Alan B: Cue the National Anthem, whitey. (12:58am)
Alan B: Bon soir, et bon matain. (12:59am)
ugh: that guy bragging abiuthiswed (1:55am)
ugh: he's a bit too loud bragging abiut his weed and his conquests (1:57am)

August 30, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal is away at That Thing I.T.D., busy creating new ways to describe heat, dust and lack of sleep. Hal will return fresh, tan and rested next week. In the meantime, allow these three Ask Dr Hal Show staffers to rub radio over your skin or you will get the hose again.

Chatroom History
August 30, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Sherilyn: The Ask Dr. Hal Show is on the air, now with 100% less Dr. Hal! (10:10pm)
Dr. Penny: Play it Sherilyn!!!!! (10:10pm)
Sherilyn: It is being played! (10:10pm)
Dr. Penny: Must've been a thorn. (11:41pm)
Dr. Penny: Booper!!!! (12:20am)
Dr. Penny: Moist. (12:28am)
Dr. Penny: Nose hair pzlg hal pre-moistens the studio. (12:32am)
Dr. Penny: Now there's One Direction to moisten the young teens. (12:35am)

...BUT IS IT... ART?
August 23, 2013 10:00pm
The Art of a Vocal Performance, we find, Is augmented easily, time out of mind. A few Sound Effects and some Studio Guests (But just keep the good ones and filter out pests), And you're off like a rocket, to yammer all night (Because you CAN do it does NOT make it right)!

Last Night's Show I Did Remember To Podcast
August 16, 2013 10:00pm
Dr Hal is visited by KrOB on the anniversary of Elvis's death.

Chatroom History
August 16, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

A B: I really wasn't going to stay up this late. Did I miss the poem? (10:27pm)
A B: olinguitos (10:29pm)
A B: (10:29pm)
Karen Carpenter: KrOB's birthdat today, Dr Hal (10:35pm)
A B: And now we know. (10:44pm)
A B: Fried eggs. (10:56pm)
A B: I'm hoping for more KrOB and/or Puzzling Evidence experimentation. (10:59pm)
A B: Wolfman Jack the traitor! (11:04pm)
A B: (11:11pm)
A B: Pete said Europa Report was too scientifically correct to be interesting. (11:17pm)
A B: RKO/Culver/Desilu/Paramount: (11:19pm)
A B: Self-awareness is a good thing. (11:20pm)
A B: (11:23pm)
A B: Doesn't that happen weekly, Fridays at 10 PST? (11:24pm)
A B: (11:29pm)
A B: (11:38pm)
A B: (11:43pm)
A B: (11:45pm)
A B: I love this crazy hymn. (11:52pm)
A B: (11:52pm)
A B: Bon soir, mes amis. (11:59pm)
Fried Egg: Put me on it and all is better (12:00am)
vj pussycat: i love custard (12:20am)
vj pussycat: salami (12:24am)
vj pussycat: terry gilliam was the american (12:40am)
Fried Egg: one here..bye hAL (12:59am)
Fried Egg: I said "Terry G was the AMERICAN!!!!! This ius our song! (1:00am)

Last Week's Podcast I Forgot To Post
August 9, 2013 10:00pm
Blah blah blah

Chatroom History
August 9, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: hip hip hooray (10:01pm)
A B: Bonsoir, Dr. Hal! (10:18pm)
A B: Yeah, poetry! Yeah, Prufrock! (10:29pm)
A B: (10:30pm)
A B: Nice. (10:38pm)
A B: I think they're all bozos on this bust. (10:41pm)
A B: Play some music, drag a mic over to the party and find the booze! (10:44pm)
A B: Even if it for only two days, I shall also wreck my back and poo in the turdis. I shall attend. (10:48pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: the mainstream & popup players for radio valencia totally suck. (10:55pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Hermes Nanomegistus (10:57pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I was born w/o a foreskin or hymen. Can you explain this away for me ? I offer you my virginity in either case. (10:58pm)
A B: Jaime was born without a 4chan? (10:58pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: If I eat my fingernails and hair clippings, am I a cannibal, or merely autophagous ? (10:59pm)
A B: I refuse to discuss religion. (10:59pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: I am Mythos, not Religio (11:00pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Dr Hal : The Living Stuff of Legends (11:01pm)
A B: On this philosophy we can agree. (11:01pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: It is a curious fact that of that class of raconteurs to which Dr Hal belongs, that he is a SubGenius. His fantastical mendacity remains the classical example of absurdio ad nauseum. (11:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: test (11:01pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: The adaptability of such a species of composition to local and topical uses might well be considered prejudicial to its chances of obtaining a permanent place in literal reality. Yet he endures, albeit under suspect circumstances. (11:01pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: His notoriety is universal, his character proverbial, and his name as familiar as that of William Shakespeare, to other Subgenii at least. (11:02pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Condemned by the learned as worthless, he has nonetheless achieved universal fame and artistic immortality. Indeed, his biographical historicality possesses a generic interest apart from whatever of obscurity or of curiosity it may have to recommend it. Amen. (11:02pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: His is a satirical production calculated to throw ridicule on the bold assertions of some parliamentary declaimers. (11:03pm)
A B: Someone needs to start collecting his art and publishing it. (11:03pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: If rant may be best foiled at its own weapons, the good Dr Hal's design is not ill-founded; for the marvellous has never been carried to a more whimsical and ludicrous extent. This substantial if peculiar merit can hardly be denied. (11:03pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Many people have entertained erroneous notions as to his authority and genesis, which they have circulated with complete assurance; but they have not felt it incumbent upon themselves to support their views with any perspicacity, merely for the purpose of burlesquing his unfairly treated work. (11:04pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: The erratic erotic character of his perfunctory philosophic peregrinations may be said, with perfect impartiality, to be distingauishing feature of the style of patois that he propagates. (11:05pm)
A B: You got a real purty mouth. (11:05pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: His chequered career offers a chapter in biography which has quite as many points of singularity. (11:06pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: His avocation for polite letters ( which were afterwards so successfully ransacked and palgiarized by Ezra Pound ) has, of course, been abundantly justified by later investigations. (11:06pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: And herewith, enough will have been said to make manifest his very remarkable and somewhat prolix versatility. (11:06pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: His impudence relieves us of any difficulty in resolving the question, to whom (if any one) does he owe the original conception of his character, whose fame is now so universal, albeit so embellished with palpably extravagant lies as to crack with a humour that was all its own. (11:07pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: The trademark praxis of Dr Hal has been a sovereign specific against bores and all other kinds of serious or irrelevant people, while it naturally endears him to the friends of whom he has no small number. (11:08pm)
A B: I didn't know Stang played vibes. (11:08pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Hal tells his stories with imperturbable sang froid, in a wet manner, and with perfect naturalness and simplicity. (11:09pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: He speaks as a man of the world, without circumlocution; his misadventures are numerous and perhaps singular, but only such as might have been expected to happen to a man of so much experience. (11:09pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: In short, so strangely entertaining are both the manner and matter of his narratives, that "Halisms" have become a by-word among a host of appreciative acquaintances. (11:09pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: The result is a curious medley, which testifies clearly to learning and wit, and also to the turning over of musty old books of faceti written in execrable Latin: (11:10pm)
A B: Living in a tent in a downpour is my idea of Hell on Earth. (11:10pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Get a Hennessy Expedition Hammock -- the best (11:10pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: De Insigni Mendacio. Faber clavicularius quem superius fabrum mendaciorum dixi, narravit se tempore belli, credens suos se subsecuturos equitando ad cujusdam oppidi portas penetrasse: (11:10pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: et cum ad portas venisset cataractam turre demissam, equum suum post ephippium discidisse, dimidiatumque reliquisse, atque se media parte equi ad forum usque oppidi equitasse, et caedem non modicam peregisse. (11:11pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Sed cum retrocedere vellet multitudine hostium obrutus, tum demum equum cecidisse seque captum fuisse. (11:11pm)
Hermes Nanomegistus: Amen (11:11pm)
A B: (11:11pm)
A B: This is relavant to my interests. (11:12pm)
Myriam Webster: relevant, you twit (11:13pm)
A B: I actually uncorrected that. Huh. (11:13pm)
Dianne Feinstein: Welcome to San Francisco, Ivan Stang. Now go home, (11:15pm)
Dianne Feinstein: We don't need your kind here. SF is kooky enuf (11:16pm)
Harvey Milk: Moo... I've reincarnated as a cow... Somebody Milk me, please (11:17pm)
A B: Au revoir. . . I must lie down and retact my fangs until morning. (11:20pm)
Billy Shakespier: " Dr Hal " Robins pretends to be an erudite Man of Letters, but in sad Fact of Point, he is a blustering blowhard buffoon, a boffin who doesn't know Omega from Jod, nor a Phoneme from a Meme. (11:23pm)
Billy Shakespier: The charlatan poseur can't Parse a Noun, Conjugate an Adjective, nor Dangle a Participle, yet fortunately he actually is Fabulously Funny. (11:23pm)
Billy Shakespier: His performance is enhanced by exegetic semantics, generously generated by his daemon-possessed brain and delivered via his forked tongue, a plentiful proffering of pandering palaver and patois, thinly disguised as Platonic philosophizing, overtly paraphrased in pointless parables, and vacillating between virtual virginity and vulgar vulval gratification. (11:24pm)
Billy Shakespier: and vacillating between virtual virginity and vulgar vulval gratification. (11:24pm)
Billy Shakespier: His oration is saturated with perorations, themselves peppered with titillating demagogic allusions to intimations of intimacy, apparently intended to pacify the Listener's archetypal psychogenic Fear of Candiru ( Vandelia cirrhosa , v.i. ). (11:24pm)
Billy Shakespier: It tends, however, to leave one feeling drained, inutterably exhausted with desultory ennui, and soaked in salacious sordidity, yet strangely, oddly, weirdly, implausibly... Satisfied ... And all this from a Hominid who couldn't say "Fuque You" even if his mouth was full of Prairie Squid... (11:25pm)
James Dean: I despond of the needful order of things -- it perturbs my passions. The bent of nature is a thorn in my reasoning. I die for The Show (11:26pm)
Michael Hastings: Am I still dead ? (11:41pm)
Michael Hastings: Wha' happened ? I heard a big boom... (11:41pm)
Ivana Trump-Stang: I want a divorce, dahling (11:44pm)
DrPantzFunkley: lll (11:52pm)
Karen Carpenter: here is a fresh chat, Hal (12:27am)
DrPantzFunkley: hi (12:30am)

August 2, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal Robins tries to do another award winning question and answer radio show, only to be interrupted repeatedly by Sarah Szczechowicz Goldie as she describes her totally awesome birthday. Puzzling Evidence provides historical context to this momentous day as Mrs. Goldie's husband sits impotently by.

KrOB does not bring her a present. Boooo.

Chatroom History
August 2, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

A B: (10:11pm)
A B: I'm not sure, but I think those spiders are in a cave, grooving with a pict. (10:12pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Rarely have life's sweetness and bitterness been embraced with more even-glanded genius than in the provocative, original, and unsettling work of Dr Hal Robins. (10:24pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: He offers an an ethos of vision %u2014- a way of grappling with whatever the world has to offer %u2014- in the indomitable force and lucidity of his propaganda. (10:24pm)
A B: A silver-tounged devil. (10:25pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Unfortunately for his academic careers, his theory of Yeti-dinosaur interbreeding contravenes our intellectual inheritance from Darwin and, for that matter, Plato, and it will ring false to many of his contemporaries in theoretical paleontology. (10:25pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: A platinum-lipped demon (10:26pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Even so, his pithy patois is packed with more punchy wisdom than you find in bloviations ten times the length and duration. (10:26pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: With Dr Hal Robins, it's a simple exercise of his prodigious intellect to condemn the exclusion, amplify the reasons, and leave open the option of working with the telephoneurs -- it is a win-draw situation (10:27pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: To his detractors, he%u2019s ACADEMIC RISK writ large. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I might even suspect that all the fuss about Dr Hal is supposed to make us %u2018watch the birdie%u2019 -- a distraction from the real issue, which is ( he says ) : "How do we structure The Show to serve the needs of consumers and fascism in as safe a way as possible ?%u201D (10:28pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: to serve the needs of consumers and fascism in as safe a way as possible ?%u201D We don't. (10:29pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: wtf w/ this word processor, (10:29pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Close up, he reeks of cannabis, offset with a liberal application of BurmaShave. That is why people often regurgitate spontaneously in his presence. Rumor has it that his name "Hal" is short for Halitosis (10:30pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: damn I type fast (10:30pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Listeners are nonetheless blabbergasted by the cussed, contrary, wilful, protesting, obstreperous bantering that propagates from his oral maw. Every sentence is an ear-opener for the non-adept. (10:30pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Dr Hal's hominidity is the rich effluvium, the waste and the manure and the soil from which flourishes his florid art, a flurried collage of classical colloquialisms and pseudo-random algorithmic soliloquies the likes of which are seldom heard on this planet. (10:32pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Such is his oral art, to say nothing of his penmanship. But who is the man ? Dr Hal Robins was born in 1970 at age 25 in Xaxaq, Malta. He is the certified reincarnation of the renowned publisher, playwright, poet and critic T.S. Eliot ( d. 4 Jan. 1965 ) and of rock music god Jim Morrison ( d. 3. July 1971 ). (10:33pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: ( d. 3. July 1971 ). (10:33pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: His infancy was noteworthy for its inordinate length -- 12 years. (10:33pm)
A B: Happy birthday, Sarah! (10:34pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Dr Hal's childhood was spent as a cabin boy aboard a Japanese whaling ship until he was rescued by Greenpeace activists at age 20. He served as their cabin boy for several years until he left to join the U.S. Navy. (10:34pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Que Sera, Sarah? (10:34pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Dr Hal became a pure vegetarian in 2005, when he received an experimental 3-stomach ruminal transplant at the Mossad Organ Clinic in Rio De Janiero. This soon resulted in him being banned from all municipal parks in San Francisco and many elsewheres due to the devastation wreaked by his unrestrained foraging -- no lawn was safe. (10:35pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: wreaked by his unrestrained foraging -- no lawn was safe. He also lost all rectal control as a result of a gross surgical error, and has undergone colon resectioning in an apparently futile effort to control the problem. (10:35pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: In 2012 he was banished altogether from San Francisco and all contiguous municipalities adjacent thereunto (10:35pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Since then he has been sighted several times wandering naked in the hills of Bolinas, eating grass and copulating cattle. His behavior has been ascribed to Mad Cow Disease, but that is only a rumor since he has escaped capture and testing. Authorities believe he is being sheltered by faithful fans. (10:36pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: by faithful fans. (10:36pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Dr Hal has revealed for the first time the inner structure and function of The Show in all its splendorous intricacy -- and its uncritical arrogance, dissolved in a post-modern goulash of gibberish and puffery (10:36pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: a ghoulish verisimilitude that gives compelling power to his factitious fictions, all the while indiscretely exposed by the speculum of his medical curiosity. He promises closure, and indeed provides it painlessly by liberal applications of super-glue and opiated vinegar. (10:37pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: His art forms champion the weak (women), defeated (American Indians), repellent (homosexuals) or otherwise inferior groups groping for attention. Still, he fails to reach the hardcore hippy holdouts who alone know the true secret. (10:37pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: This failure to commune may explain his professed politics as softcore leftist denialism with distinctly masochistic predilections, and overtones of "Austrian" economics. (10:38pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Such pretentious posturing invites verbal and police abuse that inevitably overcompensates for an unperceivable preconception of deficit. (10:38pm)
A B: Go on, I am following you carefully. (10:38pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: Hypothetical self-evaluated empowerment, when tested in vivo versus Dr Hal, has proven woefully inadequate as a surrogate for alternative explanations of his phenomenal maifestations. (10:38pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: ooops ... My physique is naked ! I am sooo embare-asssed ... Please hold for a moment whilst i put some panties upon my buttocks and mons veneris ... ahhh ... ok ... all better now ... you were saying ? (10:39pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: I said : when you phase-conjugate your mind, then will be now (10:40pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: repetez, s'il vous plait (10:41pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: dear doctor animal -- My 2-year-old pupppy "Poopsy" doesnt bark -- she only says "Meow".And she hates kibble, and she hunts mice. Is something "wrong' with her ? I am seriously considering castrating the stupit critter. (10:41pm)
Hermes Googoolmegistus: can I get a second opinion ? Somebody help me, please (10:42pm)
Aunt Bertha: Dear Sirs or Madams : I , Aunt Bertha, do herewith & hereby Bequeth and Vouchsafe unto You, mine own original Virginity. It has been used, butt once. May it serve You as well in protecting your precious Vagina, if only by diverting unwanted Attention to other Orifices. It worked thus and so for me, despite my many and repeated efforts and attempts to consummate a concupiscient conclusion to my genomic agenda. Alas & alack, my Fate has been, to have no such Destiny... No progeny to perpetuate my aminos in conjunctive combinations with another gender of our mutual Species... Bye bye now... Signed Aunt Bertha (10:44pm)
Aunt Bertha: and so for me, despite my many and repeated efforts and attempts to consummate a concupiscient conclusion to my genomic agenda. Alas & alack, my Fate has been, to have no such Destiny... No progeny to perpetuate my aminos in conjunctive combinations with another gender of our mutual Species... (10:44pm)
Aunt Bertha: Remember Folks , Only Monsanto Can Save The Babies ! (10:45pm)
Benny Netanyahoo: I have a statuette of the Show on my fireplace mantle. I offer Blood Sacrifices to it every day. I hieroglyphicalistally ask of Thee, O Blessed Show, " Bread, Beer, and Beef " and " More Money " ! In the Bowels of Isis, I beseech thee, O Show : Grant this Boon unto me, your humble Listener ! I thank you in advance. Signed, Benny (10:45pm)
Charley Magne: Mon cher monsieur ou madam -- Une day soon, the Merovingian Dynasty will rise again ! And then, everyone will speak French ! (10:51pm)
Charley Magne: even you boujois ninnies (10:51pm)
Clockwork Pink: I am Time Traveler from Past . I am Now to tell You : Stop The Show ! Stop The Show ! Stop The Show ! Please please. You are about to become an awful Monster that will eat all radio frequencies as food and pleasure. (10:53pm)
Trayvon: Hi, it's me, Trayvon Martin.... I just want to tell you all, I really enjoy being dead. Now I don't have to go through the rest of a lousy incarnation as a stupit punk with shit for brains & "culture", listening to my ugly-ass momma and low-life "friends" squawk jive bullshit. What a relief ! Thank you, Mr Zimmerman ! (10:54pm)
Trayvon: Thank you Mr Zimmerman (10:54pm)
G Zimmerman: You're very welcome (10:56pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Goldie is a good fix. (10:59pm)
A B: Zounds, fell asleep again. (11:06pm)
Alex G Bell: answer the phone please (11:07pm)
A B: And down goes the teleponic heckler. (11:10pm)
A B: Stand your ground against Dwarves! (11:16pm)
Officer Down: I've fallen and I can't get it up. Somebody help me, please (11:17pm)
Dr. Penny: The Goldies having a golden moment of making out. (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: did you get her a fedora? (11:51pm)
Dr. Penny: You can take one home at the end of the Haunted Mansion ride. (12:32am)
A B: Best show I ever slept through. (12:52am)

July 26, 2013 10:00pm
Jim Fourniadis hosts a riveting assembly of live performers:

Rusty Rebar
Richard Howard Morrison III
James Zealous
Shavi Blake
Pete Goldie
Sherilyn Connelly

...... and Dr. Howlin' Owll.

(RoboDJ from 2h5m until 2h27m, then

Chatroom History
July 26, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

Grange Hall: Cobain unironically. (10:00pm)
Aslan: ;) You show has been the best thin to happen to me all day. Tnx. (10:01pm)
Grange Hall: I think the show has butt-dailed us. (10:04pm)
Sherilyn: Everything the Ask Dr. Hal show does from its butt is ENTIRELY INTENTIONAL. (10:08pm)
Grange Hall: (10:12pm)
Grange Hall: Ask Dr. Hal . . . where a box of envelopes get rousing cheers. (10:38pm)
Grange Hall: You mean NASA faked it?! (10:44pm)
Grange Hall: Mudhead! No Science . . . it's gone!! (10:45pm)
Grange Hall: (10:50pm)
Sherilyn: Dave Thomas Dave Thomas Dave Thomas Dave Thomas! (11:39pm)
Grange Hall: I woke up in time to hear a few questions and the end, but I enjoyed myself immensely. (11:56pm)
Grange Hall: The other mic is live and we hear people. (11:57pm)
Sherilyn: That's just extra value! (12:00am)
Grange Hall: (12:05am)
Grange Hall: Gads! No post-show radio? (12:06am)
Grange Hall: Au revoir. (12:06am)
Sherilyn: Nope! We're committed to getting to be before sunrise. (12:07am)
Grange Hall: Thanks for all the show! G'nite! (12:07am)
Sherilyn: G'night, and thanks for listening! (12:08am)

And Never Mention "IT" Again
July 19, 2013 10:00pm
Before the onset of the current dogma, dinosaurs and birds were generally thought to have shared a common ancestry from certain Triassic basal archosaurs, thecodonts, as they were called, like the Triassic Euparkeria. Everyone today agrees that birds are derived from within the archosaurian assemblage, but whether birds descend from the Dinosauria depends largely on one's definition of the Dinosauromorpha. And, the cursorial origin of flight is biophysically untenable.

Chatroom History
July 19, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

DrPantzFunkley: good evening my fellow subgenii (10:28pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is this a new show tonight, i just logged in (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: yeppers (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hi pussycat (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: did you have a good week? (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: hi dpf (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: not too bad. and you (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yeah, it was long and i thought the weekend would never come, but finally it has! (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: bought tickets for bassnectar concert in september (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: bless the weekend (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i have wanted to see him for some time (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: where at (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the pageant... in st. louis (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's a great venue (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: i saw him in sf a couple years ago, but also at burning man (10:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: he's doing 2 shows back to back (10:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i only got tickets for the first night (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: well cool. interesting light show he has (10:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and the phat bass with wobble (10:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: can't wait for it (10:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: pretty lights is coming to town too, but i am not as into him as i am bassnectar (10:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hey hey, pete is there (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: don't know him, but i'm not a huge dj music fan (10:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yeah, me either, but a bassnectar show is at least a one time deal for me, i have rocked enough of his tracks in the house and the car =] (10:36pm)
vj pussycat: yea you should check him out at least once (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hope springs eternal (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: this has been a great year for concerts for me (10:37pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i ahve depeche mode tickets for august, and dread zeppelin (10:37pm)
DrPantzFunkley: saw garbage earlier (10:37pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how about long distance runners (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: that was my question!!!! (10:39pm)
DrPantzFunkley: dwarf + midget = didget (10:39pm)
DrPantzFunkley: woohoo (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: i still owe the doc $ for that question asked through the chatterbox, but i'll be sure he gets it next time i see him (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh cool, you are in san fran then? (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: hour north (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that rocks (10:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i have only been to san diego, i need to get to cali more! (10:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: are you subgenius minister too? (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: northern is different from southern in so many ways (10:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i know that's right (10:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i was a big skater in the 80s and 90s and heard all about that time and time again (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and then in college there was the whole humboldt county stuff (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: no, more of a general interest of caucaphony (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and i want to see the redwoods, there's plenty to do in cali (10:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: totally different lifestyle between the two (10:42pm)
vj pussycat: exactly (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: in missouri we have up north, down south out west and back east... our state is a frigging trip (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am from chicagoland originally (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: i've been there (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and that's a whole other vibe! (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: i grew up in dallas (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: no shit (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: talk about other vibe (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: one of my best friends lives there now (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha, yeah (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: oh too bad (10:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am really not a fan of texas actually (10:44pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha, yeah, he's originally from Az (10:44pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but he seems to like it (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: i only have that sentimentality about it, but i am born a californian (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: texas like most other states, is completely fucked up (10:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: a lot of missourians end up in texas (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am glad Hal is back (10:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: would have loved to have been at xday! (10:46pm)
vj pussycat: a lot of everywhere end up in texas (10:46pm)
vj pussycat: yes nice to have him back (10:46pm)
vj pussycat: luckily we had pete and puzzling and crews (10:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i couldnt' tell what was going on, i missed the show live but listen the next morning (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: gotta go grab some food, but be back soon (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and i heard instrumental stuff (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: chow (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: back. what'd i miss (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and Hal deserves it (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: enjoy them (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha, live the bum slack hole (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: or ufos (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that is cool (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's time for broadscale political and social change (10:55pm)
vj pussycat: revolution you know it (10:56pm)
DrPantzFunkley: a glorious revolution, part 2 =] (10:56pm)
DrPantzFunkley: just a total changing of the channel if you will (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: it will happen. by way of widescale tragedy (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: when the shit hits the fan (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: time will tell (10:58pm)
vj pussycat: yep (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i love those witty comments... "I'm sure they deserved it" (11:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Hal, alienated, damn, he's one of the reasons I want to go! (11:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and it's punchlines all the waaaaay down (11:17pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i want to hear! live x day (11:28pm)
DrPantzFunkley: we do know that, and it's great stuff (11:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Dr Hal will always get a pass from us, because it's great art (11:48pm)
spyemerson: is it over? (1:05am)
spyemerson: over?? (1:05am)
spyemerson: ooooooover?? (1:05am)
vj pussycat: sounds like it (1:07am)
spyemerson: hal !!!! im calling you (1:12am)

July 12, 2013 10:00pm
...BECAUSE IT'S THERE? Sophistry-- facile answer. Face it-- it may not be "right" for you. As Robert Crumb once said, "Everything's not for children. Everything's not for everybody." We agree-- while noting that there are more than a few who DO bring children.

July 5, 2013 10:00pm
...BUT YOUR NAME WILL NOT BE WRITTEN here. For I love you. I love because I must, through the despair of non-attainment and the pain of being despised and rejected. They do say it makes you a better artist, though. At least that's something. Just not very much.

June 28, 2013 10:00pm
...AGAIN and again. Yes, re-run eternally in the Theater of the Mind. Lumbering, clumsy brute, it, innocent of malice, knoweth not what it doth. Later, the City will put up a new one. And no one will remember. Just me and you.

June 21, 2013 10:00pm
The LIVE Ask Doctor Hal Show at The Dark Room, staring Hal, Pete, KrOB, Sherilyn, John Hell, Spy, Children, with tremendous tech form Sean Wigglesworth, Rhiannon and Jim Fourniadis.

Chatroom History
June 21, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

American Gothic: Holy shit it works! (10:01pm)
American Gothic: Going to all this trouble is much appreciated. (10:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Hooray (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: so cool! live from the darkroom, right? (10:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: sounds like it (10:04pm)
American Gothic: It seems like the genuine article. A modern miracle. (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: next best thing to being threre (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: praise technology (10:05pm)
DrPantzFunkley: all praise (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: t bag (10:08pm)
American Gothic: KRoB dives deep for the best of the worst of the WW II era. (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: yes and we can only imagine what it looks like (10:10pm)
Aslan: :@"$-;()@"$)/- (10:10pm)
Dr. Penny: Praise "Bob"! It's coming through live from the stage! (10:12pm)
American Gothic: Superman is an illegal alien. (10:15pm)
American Gothic: That dizzy broad. Fooled by a pair of spectacles. (10:17pm)
Jim F.: It's no fun being an illegal alien... (10:23pm)
American Gothic: Boy, is that ever a simple thought that is so very true. TV kills our consciousness. (10:23pm)
Jim F.: Boy howdy we are streaming like the fun pros! (10:25pm)
American Gothic: (10:26pm)
American Gothic: No drops, high fidelity, no distortion. I'm delighted. (10:26pm)
Jim F.: We just got a new board with separate feeds for maximum flex for both live and broadcast! (10:27pm)
American Gothic: Color me impressed. (10:28pm)
Jim F.: Hal is our inaugural broadcast, thanks (10:28pm)
American Gothic: In fact, Hal' (10:28pm)
American Gothic: In fact, Hal's mike is ususally overmodulated, at least on the podcast. These actually sound better. (10:29pm)
Jim F.: Thx (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: good ol ennio morricone in the background (10:31pm)
Jim F.: Always use the finest tunes if you are going to be blowing off royalties! (10:33pm)
American Gothic: I had wondered how you handled that. Forgiveness is easier than permission. (10:34pm)
American Gothic: Those young people did a great job! (10:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it does really sound good (10:35pm)
Jim F.: Tonight John Hell will be played by George Clooney! (10:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: like being in the room for sure (10:35pm)
Jim F.: We have opera quality fly mics to get the room (10:36pm)
American Gothic: For our celebration of pubic lice. (10:36pm)
American Gothic: But there just isn't anough science report so far. . . (10:37pm)
Jim F.: patience NYSE (10:38pm)
Jim F.: Nye (10:38pm)
Jim F.: Bleech (10:39pm)
Jim F.: Frenet is nasty (10:39pm)
American Gothic: My Trader Joe's Oranjeboom will have to do. (10:40pm)
Jim F.: Magic eight ball is more my price range (10:40pm)
American Gothic: The NASA Massa! (10:41pm)
Jim F.: For you at home, John just buggered a party sheep with the Frenet bottle (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: i wanna see the fiance (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: oh thank you jim (10:43pm)
Jim F.: Quality entertainment ! (10:43pm)
American Gothic: If this becomes a regular thing, we're gonna need a Tumblr. (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: i think we need a ustream (10:44pm)
Jim F.: I am stuck watching the door so I am typing (10:44pm)
American Gothic: Thank you, Jim F.! (10:45pm)
Jim F.: Insert humble remark here (10:45pm)
vj pussycat: but it's free - why watch the door? (10:46pm)
Jim F.: So beer doesn't walk out and choices don't wander in (10:47pm)
American Gothic: Is Pete talking about the Japs again? (10:47pm)
Jim F.: Chooches (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: chooches? (10:48pm)
Jim F.: I never listen to Pete unless he is light ing up (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: haha (10:48pm)
Jim F.: Chooches as in Mission st crazies (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: is that what they're called? (10:49pm)
American Gothic: Superman can hang out inside the sun. It's canon, Grant Morrison said so. (10:49pm)
Jim F.: That's what we call them (10:49pm)
Aslan: Wish I could see it... (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: it's just a bunch of pictures from nasa (10:50pm)
Jim F.: Imagine a bunch of people holding envelopes and waiting for Pete to be finished (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: you don't have to wait for pete to stick the envelope in the pitcher (10:51pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yeah (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: envelope goes in pitcher (10:52pm)
Jim F.: Unless you have been paralyzed (10:52pm)
American Gothic: Pete is an artist, his palette is tedium. (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how many folks are in attendance (10:52pm)
American Gothic: I think we're all bozos on this bus. (10:53pm)
Jim F.: (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: ha they really were waiting (10:54pm)
vj pussycat: newbies (10:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha, no doubt (10:55pm)
American Gothic: Envelope holders have been hypnotized like chickens. (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: the sound of petes's voice hits that hypnotizing frequency (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: it's like a seizure (10:58pm)
vj pussycat: let's do it! let's go outside (10:59pm)
Jim F.: Space bail! (10:59pm)
American Gothic: Pete's midlife crisis: Over-powered laser pointer. (11:00pm)
vj pussycat: so sad (11:00pm)
American Gothic: Potholes in my lawn. (11:02pm)
Jim F.: Finally (11:02pm)
American Gothic: So that's what the trust fund kids of 2060 will do, snowboard on Mars? (11:05pm)
DrPantzFunkley: time for questions for Hal (11:10pm)
American Gothic: Devolution is real! (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: : | (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: wish them away to cartoonland (11:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i need a snack (11:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what to gnaw on? (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: carrots? (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: bacon wrapped hot dog? (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i don't have any of the latter readily available, but carrots could work (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: distorting (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: audio (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: midwest timezone, sleep is starting to gnaw at my eyes (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: maybe it was the bass messing with the mics (11:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it still sounds good to me however (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: i think krob cranked it up for a bit. he probably just needed a beer (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: does that hurt - sleep gnawing at your eyes? does not sound pleasant (11:36pm)
American Gothic: Sigh, fell asleep. (11:38pm)
Perfect_Timing: So I guess the remote feed worked after all. (11:39pm)
American Gothic: Flyoverland rumblels with the snores of the farmers. (11:39pm)
American Gothic: Did we lose DJPantzFunkley? (11:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it doesn't hurt (11:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's most pleasant, but i dont want to be tired =[ (11:40pm)
vj pussycat: Do some drugs (11:41pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the second best thing to catching it live, is downloading it first thing in the morning and listening to it while i putz in the yard (11:41pm)
American Gothic: I guess I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: Yea you should have waited until after the solstice (11:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that reminds me, i should get some nitrous charges (11:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is it possible to get a whole tank? that would be even better (11:44pm)
vj pussycat: Whipped cream is the perfect late night snack (11:44pm)
vj pussycat: Are you a dentist? Ask a dentist if not. (11:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: not a dentist, a sociologist (11:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: my dentist would laugh at me if i asked him (11:46pm)
American Gothic: God said to Abraham, kill me a son. (11:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: newborns...ugly... what kind of question is that? (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: I don't know if being a sociologist qualifies you to get tank (11:47pm)
American Gothic: (11:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yeah, i don't think so, i do have a doctorate though (11:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i didn't know how regulated nitrous was... my wife is a chemist, i should ask her (11:48pm)
American Gothic: Whippit good! (11:49pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you know it (11:50pm)
John hell: Got a question? Ask now. (11:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Can the question be serious? (11:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I have always wondered, after all of these years. (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: Is that the question? (11:51pm)
American Gothic: Thanks, John. Please ask Dr. Hal: "Why does the porridge bird lay his eggs in the air?" (11:51pm)
DrPantzFunkley: no (11:51pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i almost prefaced that, but that would be a good question (11:51pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I would like to know, "What is the abomination of desolation? (11:51pm)
John hell: Very good. Consider it asked. (11:52pm)
American Gothic: "Because they will never hit the ground." (11:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ha ha (11:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i loved it (11:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Thanks John (11:55pm)
American Gothic: (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: Question: dwarf or midget? (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: Have any questions got fernet tonight? (11:57pm)
vj pussycat: Good question (11:58pm)
John hell: Many hot fernet tonight (11:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Why do humans dream? (12:00am)
vj pussycat: No way! (12:01am)
American Gothic: "What is the best pre-code Hollywood movie?" (12:01am)
vj pussycat: Thank you dr Hal. Don't forget herzog's even midgets started small (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: if a dwarf breeds with a midget is the offspring called a didget? (12:03am)
American Gothic: King Kong!! (12:03am)
American Gothic: (12:04am)
American Gothic: Merci beaucoups! (12:04am)
American Gothic: I shall tithe to RV in the name of the good doctor. (12:05am)
DrPantzFunkley: (12:05am)
vj pussycat: Didget - I dig it (12:05am)
John hell: Oh yeah. That was fun. Thanks y'all (12:07am)
John hell: Oh yeah. That was fun. Thanks y'all (12:08am)
DrPantzFunkley: thank you john! we are having a good time with the show (12:08am)
American Gothic: Most excellent. Dr. Hal is an American treasure. (12:08am)
DrPantzFunkley: for sure! (12:08am)
DrPantzFunkley: for another live show i will have to send an envelope with a few bucks and the question! (12:09am)
DrPantzFunkley: but where do you send it? (12:09am)
American Gothic: Dr. Hal has to pay the semi-annual Radio Valencia bill, so give it to them. (12:09am)
vj pussycat: Send it to radio v (12:09am)
DrPantzFunkley: but will he get the question? (12:10am)
American Gothic: "Bob" will provide. (12:10am)
DrPantzFunkley: hah (12:10am)
DrPantzFunkley: bob damn it, that's not the answer i need! (12:10am)
DrPantzFunkley: any of you going to X-day this year? (12:11am)
vj pussycat: Negative (12:11am)
American Gothic: My wife told me I could go play art in the campground if I promised to never whine like a 6-year-old girl next time I took the family camping. (12:13am)
American Gothic: I can't make that deal. (12:13am)
DrPantzFunkley: hahaha (12:13am)
American Gothic: Safe journey, all you BART riders! (12:17am)
DrPantzFunkley: night all, had a great time - thanks for the Hal team, great show (12:19am)
American Gothic: That was really a treat. Thanks again. (12:23am)
vj pussycat: Hahaha (12:32am)
American Gothic: I donated to RV but some X- (12:33am)
American Gothic: Day dosh is on its way as well. (12:33am)
vj pussycat: Higgs boson? (12:34am)
American Gothic: Behind the scenes, where the sausage is made on the Ask Dr. Hal Show. (12:40am)
vj pussycat: Ooh I wanna come to yo BBQ (12:41am)
American Gothic: We have to be fat, so as to prevent California from tumbling into the sea. (12:43am)
John hell: I'm on the chat room. Ask a question (12:46am)
American Gothic: Le chatte de la boit -- dear God, a double-vaginal foreign pun (12:46am)
American Gothic: A final question: "Is the noivce SubGenius welcomed at X-Day?" (12:49am)
vj pussycat: That's correct pete (12:56am)
Perfect_Timing: It's me (12:57am)
Perfect_Timing: Driving home from stupid work (12:57am)
Perfect_Timing: It's the radio people (12:58am)
Perfect_Timing: You're still on!!! (1:00am)

A Brief Visit with Dr. Hal
June 14, 2013 10:00pm
Please accept our apologies for mislabeling of the earwig order Ermaptera by one of Dr. Hal's drunk and exhausted guests. The correct name is Dermaptera, as presented by Dr. Hal.

The rest of the show is radio gold.

Chatroom History
June 14, 2013 10:00pm - 1:34am

DrPantzFunkley: hot damn, Dr Hal is finally back in teh House!!! (10:00pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Praise Bob (10:00pm)
Karen Carpenter: horny sheath (10:13pm)
Mocha Daffy: Greetings from Paradise ! May you reincarnate as a dinosaur if Allah wills it , amen ! I am in the process of deflowering 72 virgin varieties of grapes while listening toyour wondrous Show. Ahhhhh... My life is complete, replete with Slack. Here, I drip some upon you from on high... (10:21pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the reagans signaled the beginning of the end (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: chemicals for life (10:31pm)
Hermes Dodecamegistus: I sit here in the Philosophers' Garden in Turba with Ibn Jabir, Nick Flamel, and Fulcanelli. I tell you this for uS all : We love your ridiculous alchemical Show and bestow these droplets of Elixir upon you ....... You are now astrally immortal.... but there's nothing we can do for your body... good luck. P.S. -- Moses says to tell you that a great earthquake will strike San Francisco in 15 minutes. (10:35pm)
Hermes Dodecamegistus: P.S. -- Moses says to tell you that a great earthquake will strike San Francisco in 15 minutes. (10:36pm)
Hermes Dodecamegistus: Insect genitalia provide inspiration for a trail-blazing artist (10:42pm)
Captain Nemo: My pet Candiru desires to osculate your urethra. (10:45pm)
Captain Nemo: Cover your ears, children - that's a water boatman ( Micronecta scholtzi ) rubbing its penis against its tummy (10:47pm)
Captain Nemo: the proper name for insect intromittent organs : aedeagi (10:49pm)
Captain Nemo: Born with no female sex organs, bed bugs mate by using their penis like a hammer. (10:51pm)
orcpugg: *snorts (10:52pm)
Captain Nemo: bug dongs : (10:52pm)
Marylin Monroe: I will trade my precious Virginity for some of your Show (10:54pm)
Marylin Monroe: I have been saving it for you. Please do not deny my love. The last time I traded my virginity was for Jack's Hit, & I got killed (10:58pm)
Marylin Monroe: It's a bit dessicated but that's nothing that a gallon of gleet can't fix. (11:00pm)
Marylin Monroe: I am emailing a sample to your paypal account . (11:03pm)
Marylin Monroe: The hymen is tattered but that's natural, not man-made (11:04pm)
Marylin Monroe: Listening to you makes me lactate spontaneously -- it's a miracle ! (11:05pm)
Station144: A little roast beef and epoxy can fix that. (11:05pm)
Jerry Lewis: The joke's on you -- look between your legs (11:06pm)
Jerry Lewis: Want a wise crack ? Look behind your joke (11:07pm)
Station144: Ha dummy. (11:08pm)
SisterMable: oh hai (11:08pm)
Jerry Lewis: oh hai yo (11:09pm)
Karen Carpenter: welcome!!!!! (11:09pm)
SisterMable: Spy & KROB - did you get up to peee? (11:09pm)
Spy & KROB: yes we did it was so much fun (11:11pm)
Spy & KROB: now we're doing it again, in our seat (11:11pm)
SisterMable: Send me a letter! (11:12pm)
SisterMable: I'm doing it right now in solidarity (11:12pm)
Al Fabet: A (11:12pm)
Al Fabet: B (11:13pm)
Al Fabet: C (11:13pm)
Al Fabet: D (11:13pm)
SisterMable: Pussy makes the money (11:19pm)
Station144: I want sausage fried with pancake batter like a corn dog. (11:31pm)
orcpugg: i just want 5 pounds of pancakes right now (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: Hi y'all (11:39pm)
orcpugg: uh oh (11:42pm)
Station144: Creepers (11:42pm)
Station144: Remember the movie Toys? Kids played video games that controlled drones. Sounds like a plan. (11:47pm)
orcpugg: prediction! (11:48pm)
Station144: Vin deisl was the voice for the Iron Giant. (11:55pm)
vj pussycat: bacon wrapped hot dogs are people (12:13am)
Station144: Wormhole warped in bacon. (12:21am)
Station144: Hal, comet ison is supposed to light up the sky like a full moon, what effects might this have on the Earth, since the full moon influences the tides? (12:27am)
Station144: Dermal implants. (12:28am)
Station144: Thanks for the show folks. (1:02am)

The Ask Dr. Hal Cover Band
June 7, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal left a note:

"I'm departing for the Lost Coast. Farewell"

... opening an opportunity for "Mr. Merriwether and Cretaceous Breakfast Monsters", the reclusive Ask Dr. Hal cover band, to play their hits and misses. Stay tuned to the end of the show for important information about the upcoming tour!

Chatroom History
June 7, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Karen Carpenter: be over soon as my wife stumbles home from her crew (10:05pm)
Professor Skidwell: Donde estn los Doktor Hal? (10:07pm)
Karen Carpenter: Dr Hal has traveled to the Lost Coast (10:07pm) Wh-wh-wh-what IS this place??? (11:01pm)
Rod Johnson: Did I get any calls? (11:02pm)
Rod Johnson: I'm expecting a call from a Mr. Schmidlap. (11:03pm)
Rod Johnson: Did you smell that? (11:04pm)
Rod Johnson: Ahhh, Old Chub!! (11:06pm)
Mocha Daffy: My Beloved Childrens, Greetings from Paradise. I bring a message from the Divine. Leave San Francisco NOW NOW NOW mighty earthquake will strike in 15 minutes ! RUN AWAY ! Go NOW ! (11:11pm)
Rod Johnson: DAMN!! Real feces and urine! (11:12pm)
Rod Johnson: I am always suspicious of guys named Lonnie (11:12pm)
Rod Johnson: If the show is good hamburger, the callers are hamburger helper (11:13pm)
Rod Johnson: San francisco COCKSUCKA!! (11:14pm)
Charlieyoyo: I sure could go for some hot dog helper (11:15pm)
Mocha Daffy: YOU alone are to blame if you not heed this gracious warning from the Divine ! SAN FRANCISCO NOW ! GO ! DRIVE AWAY AAS FAST AS YOU CAN ! DON'T WALK. DO NOT GO BART (11:15pm)
Rod Johnson: I'M HURRYING AS FAST AS I CAN!! (11:16pm)
Rod Johnson: THANKS! I'll get the kids ready! (11:16pm)
Rod Johnson: That's a relief! (11:17pm)
Mocha Daffy: I HAVE A SUBMARINE FOR YOU AT PIER 1 (11:17pm)
Charlieyoyo: Answer that phone, would ya please (11:17pm)
Rod Johnson: My usual karaoke bar that I am used to sharing with groovy froods was tonight infested with hockey fans and other assorted douchebags. I felt like I was about to tweak, but praze "Bob", they left just before that happened. (11:17pm)
Rod Johnson: Go tell a hobo how much you love camping. (11:18pm)
Rod Johnson: Remember, if you don't use protection, you're taking a dump with everyone that toilet has taken a dump with. (11:19pm)
Rod Johnson: Making massive arm farts now! (11:19pm)
Rod Johnson: Just shit so hard the toilet flushed itself without the automatic flusher (11:19pm)
Rod Johnson: I would end world hunger by putting Hungary right next to Turkey. (11:20pm)
Charlieyoyo: I like hate, and I hate everything else. (11:20pm)
Rod Johnson: *leans back and picks up legs to light a fart* (11:21pm)
Rod Johnson: No chick has ever said "I'm gonna blow you 'cause your desktop wallpaper is awesome!" (11:22pm)
Rod Johnson: What station is this? (11:22pm)
Charlieyoyo: The gas station (11:22pm)
Rod Johnson: Is Dr. Hal ever coming on? (11:22pm)
Charlieyoyo: This is Dr. Halburger Helper (11:23pm)
Rod Johnson: Is he a real human? (11:23pm)
Charlieyoyo: he's a reel to reel human (11:23pm)
Rod Johnson: FUCK YOU, PAM! THOSE WEREN'T MY PANTS! (11:24pm)
Moomy Schmoo Me: you "sound" like my kind of Show... so ... let's get together and cannibalize a homo hobo illegal immigrant for auld lang syne (11:24pm)
Rod Johnson: t's so easy to take a shit in PetSmart and blame it on a dog that it's lost its fun. (11:25pm)
Moomy Schmoo Me: or we can do vegan (11:25pm)
Rod Johnson: I would do a vegan. (11:26pm)
Rod Johnson: Why does the cat shit in my shoes? (11:28pm)
Charlieyoyo: I have a question . . . . . if . . .iff . . . ifff uhhhhhhhhh . .. . Tarzan and Batman got in a fight, who would win? (11:28pm)
Rod Johnson: yeah, that's good! (11:28pm)
Rod Johnson: who would win?? Hey YOU GUYS!!!!! (11:28pm)
Charlieyoyo: And, they are fighting in a bathtub filled with FFB antidote ? (11:29pm)
Rod Johnson: you'd have to make sure Cheetah and Robin were both subdued before the match (11:29pm)
Rod Johnson: DAMN YOU!!! (fist thrust in the air) (11:30pm)
Rod Johnson: Finish all your food and still ask for a To-Go box and blow the waiter's mind. (11:31pm)
Charlieyoyo: Last Thursday . . . I was stading casually outside of this dinky little Off B'way Theater, just standing there . . . . (11:31pm)
Charlieyoyo: And this chubby little chode comes out of the front door and says to me, (11:31pm)
Charlieyoyo: "you can't come in, it's sold out" (11:31pm)
Charlieyoyo: I laughed in his face . . . "what makes you think I wanted to come in? (11:32pm)
Rod Johnson: I ate the napkin (11:32pm)
Rod Johnson: Rod Johnson is my church name (11:32pm)
Rod Johnson: Why buy the cow when I could milk myself? (11:34pm)
Charlieyoyo: Wow, Dr. Hal sounds like shit tonight . . . wha happen? (11:35pm)
Alan Benard: Proof! That I'm up too late. Greetings from Flyover Land. (11:35pm)
Rod Johnson: Dr Hal passed out and his underlings have taken over (11:35pm)
Alan Benard: This is what real dinosaurs sound like. (11:36pm)
Rod Johnson: the second tier group (11:36pm)
Alan Benard: Feathered ones. (11:36pm)
Rod Johnson: I am proof that Yetis had sex with aliens (11:37pm)
Alan Benard: Feathered aliens. (11:37pm)
Rod Johnson: Seeing how many bow ties you can fit on a giraffe would be an awesome job. (11:37pm)
Rod Johnson: Throw ketchup on some toast. Then sprinkle some cheese and pieces of ham on it and BAM! You've made the saddest pizza in the world! (11:38pm)
Charlieyoyo: This show sounds almost like that other crummy show on KPFA . . . wha happen? (11:38pm)
Rod Johnson: It's too bad that Dr Drummond isn't there to rescue it (11:38pm)
Rod Johnson: but he's sitting on his ass playing video games and drinking beer (11:39pm)
Charlieyoyo: I was just about to say, the only thing missing is that awesome Dr. Philo (11:39pm)
Rod Johnson: he is definitely awesome! and soooo sexy!! (11:39pm)
Alan Benard: I should have logged in as Missing Listener. (11:39pm)
Missing Listener: Ta da! (11:40pm)
Charlieyoyo: There you are (11:40pm)
Missing Listener: Is this the crummy show? I heard it was crummy. (11:40pm)
Rod Johnson: Masturbating is so easy, I can do it with my eyes closed. (11:40pm)
Charlieyoyo: You know, they say you can't polish a turd, but I bet no one has tried it yet. (11:41pm)
Charlieyoyo: So maybe actually you can (11:41pm)
Missing Listener: All is possible with Sham Wow. (11:41pm)
Rod Johnson: This show is almost too good to listen to. (11:42pm)
Charlieyoyo: It may still be a turd, but now it's all shiny. (11:42pm)
Rod Johnson: If only Philo was there (11:43pm)
Charlieyoyo: Yeah, then they could all talk about that one time (11:43pm)
Missing Listener: At the same time. (11:43pm)
Missing Listener: And after the Marvel and Star Trek records ones, how about a mashup of film strip records? BEEP! (11:45pm)
Rod Johnson: If your girlfriend caught you checking out another woman? Just turn to her and tell her that you are SO happy that she doesn't dress like that. (11:45pm)
Missing Listener: Damn, is this my church name? After all this time? (11:46pm)
Rod Johnson: Putting on my pants < pudding on my pants (11:47pm)
Missing Listener: Putin in my mants (11:47pm)
Rod Johnson: My last fart sounded like Bane whispering "biscuits." (11:47pm)
Charlieyoyo: Can you name a food that everyone likes? (11:48pm)
Rod Johnson: yes (11:48pm)
Missing Listener: Giraffe. (11:48pm)
Charlieyoyo: There's always one party pooper out there who says "oh, I hate that" (11:48pm)
Rod Johnson: I like baby giraffe. (11:49pm)
Charlieyoyo: . . . oh I hate baby giraffe (11:49pm)
Missing Listener: I can hear those bacon hotdogs sizzling. (11:49pm)
Missing Listener: Giraffe hotdogs. (11:50pm)
Missing Listener: Why is Michael Peppe talking about vagina? (11:53pm)
Found Caller: Fuck Nichael Penne (11:54pm)
Rod Johnson: Mucous Pupae? (11:55pm)
Rod Johnson: Deep Butt! (11:56pm)
Missing Listener: Eisenhower... a food that everyone likes. (11:56pm)
Rod Johnson: "That's off the hook!" - shitty fisherman. (11:56pm)
Rod Johnson: Is my crack showing? (11:57pm)
Indifferrent Knower: Grack Loose In Town! (11:58pm)
Rod Johnson: Never trust a beggar that wants you to put the change into his pocket for him (11:59pm)
Rod Johnson: Henceforth, I will not start a sentence with "from now on." (12:00am)
Lissing Mistener: Station ID time. (12:00am)
Lissing Mistener: It really is the Ask Dr. Hal show, You're ID-ing the station six times in five minutes. (12:02am)
Rod Johnson: I've done some of my best work here for you guys. (12:05am)
Rod Johnson: I made that bitch some meringue...bitches love meringue (12:06am)
Rod Johnson: FROP HARD!! (12:07am)
Rod Johnson: I kinda like Amanda Bynes now that she's crazy. (12:08am)
Missing Listener: Back ... had to change the tank on the C-PAP (12:09am)
Missing Listener: Damn, you almost hit the post on that one. Top 40! (12:18am)
Charlieyoyo: isn't it time for that cool jazz show to start? (12:19am)
Rod Johnson: I'm going face first into the turnbuckle. (12:24am)
Missing Listener: Dr. Hang Up (12:26am)
Dr. Hang Up: It was a terrible question. But it was a question. (12:27am)
Indifferrent Knower: Questioning the relevence now (12:32am)
Dr. Hang Up: Read me, Dr. Memory. (12:34am)
Dr. Hang Up: If you play Deacon Blues, I'll call in an kill myself life (12:36am)
Dr. Hang Up: live (12:36am)
Helium: Who am I going to date at 3:40 a.m.? (12:40am)
Helium: The music is lovely but Dr. Hal sounds like two old guys complaining. (12:49am)
Helium: Girl Navi! (12:59am)

The Dr. Hal Time Lords
May 31, 2013 10:00pm

EASILY one of the best themed radio shows heard in decades. Music about TIME -- and good music, too. KrOB's homage to Christian Marclay's The Clock while PG scrapes glue off the Green Room floor.

Chatroom History
May 31, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

Dr. Penny: I just jumped on the net now and started listening. :) (11:04pm)
Dr. Penny: An Ask Dr. Hal show full of music and higgs, er hugs for krob. (11:07pm)
nurseannabella: hi Dr.Hal! ;) (11:18pm)
Dr. Penny: We've crossed over the terminator of midnight. (12:10am)

May 24, 2013 10:00pm
...AND HIS ANIMAL FRIENDS in the make-believe, bouncy, friendly forest. Seven minutes of animated antics. And then, after that, an entire lifetime of remorse and regret. What was the demented Id that drives this anthropomorphic Alazon-figure along? Does it still function? Is it, appallingly, still roaming this world in the form of malicious energy? Keep well protected, just in case. Listen to the Show on a weekly basis.

Dr. Hal and KrOB star in LADIES NIGHT!
May 17, 2013 10:00pm
Automatic Writing has been known for years as a trance-induced "Spiritualist" phenomenon. But, how about Automatic Broadcasting? Eh? Got you there! No, really, our crew is often less than totally consccious as they stream out some of this material, heh, heh. A little-known area of the brain, Wellman's Auditory Association Area, located above and posterior to the lateral sulcus, is responsible. Reports of levitation, "spirit tapping," "goosing," "nerd-knocking" or "spirit spilling" are unequivocally apocryphal and nonsensical (except where photographed).

Chatroom History
May 17, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

DrPantzFunkley: Hooray (10:00pm)
DrPantzFunkley: this is what i wait all week for (10:01pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Ask Dr Hal and Hour of Slack - Pure genius...SuBGenius (10:02pm)
DrPantzFunkley: did you just say intent (10:05pm)
DrPantzFunkley: are you reading this Dr Hal? (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Are you taking questions this evening? (10:07pm)
DrPantzFunkley: there are no answers... only choices (10:09pm)
DrPantzFunkley: just joshing... there's plenty of both (10:10pm)
Dr. Penny: or some answers (10:11pm)
Dr. Penny: might be questioned (10:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: quite right (10:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: good evening good Dr (10:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I agree with Spy (10:28pm)
Dr. Penny: Yes indeed. Nothing compares with Hal. (10:29pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Hooray for Rev Stang as MC (10:31pm)
DrPantzFunkley: I definitely need to get a reason to trek to San Fran and check out the show live (10:32pm)
DrPantzFunkley: A caller! (10:33pm)
DrPantzFunkley: man, what are these politics??? (10:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: this thread? (10:35pm)
Dr. Penny: Patrio-psychotic-anarcho-materialist (10:35pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i never got this chat box to work before (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: damn, that sounds rough (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i assume you are referring to this chicken juan person (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: pollo juan (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: =] (10:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: juan de pollo (10:36pm)
Dr. Penny: And there's another lady: Karen Carpenter! (10:38pm)
DrPantzFunkley: this is a great show tonight (10:39pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that would be alcohol abuse (10:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hooray, chat stream surveillance (10:51pm)
Potesters: Love us, Duckter Hul! (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hah (10:52pm)
Hermes Monomegistus: porkwash (10:52pm)
Potesters: Potwash! (10:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how many wiener jokes does it take to be a party? (10:52pm)
Potesters: Bacon wrapped potwash! (10:53pm)
Potesters: 331/3 apu on u!! (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: good night for audio shennanigans (10:53pm)
Hermes Duomegistus: does the phone work ? (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: so far it has (10:53pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it was just that goldie fella (10:54pm)
Hermes Trismegistus: wamby pamby smarm is what it is (10:54pm)
Hermes Quadmegistus: I gots your eggs in my ovary (10:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the way to succeed or the way to suck eggs? (10:56pm)
Hermes Pentamegistus: you can suck my seeds -- it stimulates their germination (10:57pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what are these seeds you are talking about (10:57pm)
Hermes Heptamegistus: wisdom, my child, plus manure (10:58pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ahso (10:58pm)
Hermes Septamegistus: -- asian poon porn (10:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is this a porn chat? (11:00pm)
Hermes Octamegistus: No, this is strictly platonic (11:00pm)
Porn: See? (11:00pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you just seem overly sexuated (11:01pm)
Hermes Nonamegistus: The turgidity is quite coincidental, due to excessive nitric oxide (11:01pm)
Karen Carpenter: I'd like to point out that no one in the chatbox is paying attention to the show. (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: oh yes (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am hearing about snake tales (11:03pm)
Porn: show what? (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i like aunt bertha's story about the rattler (11:03pm)
DrPantzFunkley: NO2 is great stuff (11:03pm)
Hermes Decamegistus: I can't hear you;ype louder please (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: can you get that in a cannister? (11:04pm)
Hermes Decamegistus: type louder please dammit (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: pay attention to me (11:04pm)
TAFKACB: The Artist Formerly Known As Copy"Bob" is here!!! Perhaps I should donate louder? (11:04pm)
DrPantzFunkley: says the carpenter (11:04pm)
Hermes Decamegistus: I am The Show ; The Show am I. (11:05pm)
TAFKACB: Praise Doktor Hal (11:05pm)
skeleton: deprived, she was... (11:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: The ADHS thanks you for your contribution and honors your service (11:06pm)
Herpes Complexus: Thank you (11:08pm)
DrPantzFunkley: two fisted tales of Bob (11:09pm)
Herpes Complexus: 2 festering tails of bubonic plaue (11:10pm)
Herpes Complexus: plague (11:10pm)
Karen Carpenter: donation (11:10pm)
Karen Carpenter: send it to Pete Goldie (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what is this caller going on about (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: prank caller prank caller (11:11pm)
Bob Nelson: Get out of Frisco NOW ! A super-quake is imminent & I cannot guarantee your safetyThe gods are angry and I cannot placate them any longer. Go ! Go now ! (11:11pm)
DrPantzFunkley: maybe the caller is full o' crap (11:12pm)
DrPantzFunkley: the caller is talking (11:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what is he saying (11:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: do we even care (11:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: does he (11:13pm)
DrPantzFunkley: money for what (11:14pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you have any good psychadelia to play in the background? (11:14pm)
Bob Nelson: This is your last warning: Leave San Francisco while you can ! The fury of Jehovah is about to be unleashed upon you pathetic sinners ! Repent ! Come to "Bob" ; he will protect you with his mighty Slack Shtup ! (11:15pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what about st louis (11:15pm)
DrPantzFunkley: perhaps there are superstar sinners in san fran (11:16pm)
Bob Nelson: St Louis is kablooey -- the Madrid Your Fault Line will get you (11:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what about west virginia (11:16pm)
DrPantzFunkley: Elkins WV (11:17pm)
Bob Nelson: The East Coast is equally fornicated -- nuke plants & El Hiero ( Canary Isl.) (11:17pm)
Bob Nelson: SAVE US DOCTOR HAL ! (11:17pm)
DrPantzFunkley: how about the Yukon? (11:17pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yes, you can see that (11:18pm)
Bob Nelson: Yukon artists just talk, can't draw (11:18pm)
DrPantzFunkley: but that's how social networking works (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i think that's the network portion of that (11:19pm)
skeleton: won't save you now (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: well hal would have lots of that (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: he's an institution (11:19pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's your fellow subgenii (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: they are messing with you (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it's probably Wei and Stang messing with you (11:20pm)
DrPantzFunkley: 6 degrees of separation from Hal (11:20pm)
Nobodyouwantoknow: 6 degrees of integration with Hal is ... a horrifying thought (11:21pm)
DrPantzFunkley: hahaha (11:21pm)
Nobodyouwantoknow: Im getting used to it... (11:22pm)
DrPantzFunkley: well this is some fine entertainment (11:22pm)
Nobodyouwantoknow: The horror ... the horror ... (11:23pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and the chatroom is a nice addition (11:23pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and the juicer peed out his butt (11:23pm)
DrPantzFunkley: random lighter clicks for the win (11:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: there needs to be a b*ng there (11:24pm)
DrPantzFunkley: is this that movie thing (11:25pm)
DrPantzFunkley: profligate (11:26pm)
DrPantzFunkley: angels vs devils (11:28pm)
vox populi: I protest your maudlin twaddle; In the bowels Christ, I beg of you, please get a script and a theme. (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yeah, it is clean good fun (11:34pm)
DrPantzFunkley: no script for me (11:34pm)
micturio: do i need a prescription for this show, or a proscription ? (11:36pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that sounds like a question for Hal (11:36pm)
micturio: never mind -- I'll just abuse it (11:36pm)
Lou Neebin: you be haha (11:37pm)
DrPantzFunkley: keep on with the boogie (11:37pm)
bubo: please don't interrupt me when Im typing a response (11:38pm)
bubo: RSVP (11:39pm)
DrPantzFunkley: have you ever been experienced (11:39pm)
bubo: never (11:39pm)
bubo: never again (11:40pm)
DrPantzFunkley: yea, it's been quite some time (11:40pm)
bubo: plus bedbugs (11:40pm)
Dr. Penny: the beluga foreskin --- if you're having sec (11:40pm)
Dr. Penny: sex on it, you might have to peel yourself off. (11:41pm)
bubo: couched in vague terms (11:41pm)
bubo: that couch is covered with whale hymen (11:42pm)
bubo: just one (11:42pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what's at the bottom of the deep blue sea Dr Hal (11:42pm)
bubo: deep shit (11:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: mocha's dick (11:43pm)
Dr. Penny: homosexual gang-rape (11:43pm)
bubo: moby dyke (11:43pm)
DrPantzFunkley: it was a random tail flip (11:44pm)
bubo: served him right (11:44pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you can pet them at the st louis zoo (11:44pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and feed them (11:44pm)
bubo: it was the perfect death for him (11:44pm)
bubo: and good riddance (11:45pm)
TAFKACB: mer? (11:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: agreed (11:45pm)
DrPantzFunkley: jerry lewis is a fuck (11:45pm)
bubo: merde (11:45pm)
Dr. Penny: fucked to death after heavy petting (11:46pm)
bubo: J Lewis sux (11:46pm)
DrPantzFunkley: ugh, don't even mention his horrible name (11:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and his horrible art (11:47pm)
DrPantzFunkley: as my now dead buddy with MD said, Fuck Jerry Lewis he ain't done shit for us (11:47pm)
stupit: Im Jerry Lewis and I resent your imputations. Fuque off (11:48pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha, your impersonation is great (11:48pm)
stupit: stop mocking me -- Im a warm kind gentle fuque (11:49pm)
DrPantzFunkley: best jerry lewis shredding ever (11:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: "Why play it when we're all doing it?" (11:50pm)
stupit: please phone me : ( 911 ) 911-9119, extension 11 (11:50pm)
Karen Carpenter: (KrOB) (11:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: amen (11:50pm)
DrPantzFunkley: you ripping lewis was way better than actually hearing that asshat do himself (11:51pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Pantz, if you hate JL so much why don't you marry him! Then you can make out and fuck him all you want. JL fucket!!!!! (11:51pm)
DrPantzFunkley: pass on that (11:51pm)
GeraldLewis: I want you -- be mine tonight (11:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: that's nauseating (11:52pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and that's even more nauseating (11:52pm)
what do you know really:: jerry lewis is not so bad. the nutty professor is a very interesting movie and celebrated by cinephiles (11:53pm)
what do you know really:: ms emerson ought to see that one. (11:54pm)
Dr. Penny: DrPantz fuckpukes in Jerry Lewis (11:54pm)
DrPantzFunkley: i am telling you, he's evil, the muscular dystrophy people know this (11:55pm)
DrPantzFunkley: what has the telethon done for them? (11:56pm)
what do you know really:: naw depends on who you talk to. and he was in scorcese's the king of comedy (11:56pm)
DrPantzFunkley: well i was talking to ol larry johnson about the MD (11:57pm)
DrPantzFunkley: and that was his take on Mr lewis (11:57pm)
what do you know really:: he's elderly and it's trash the aged. (11:58pm)
me: it cured me of my muscular distopia -- now i dont mind being a wuss (11:58pm)
me: oh shut up and listen to the show (11:59pm)
me: ok (11:59pm)
what do you know really:: it's become chic to dump on all patriarchs now. a shame (11:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: haha toad urinated pillow case (11:59pm)
DrPantzFunkley: toad trippers of the world unite (12:00am)
what do you know really:: whatevers drpantz (12:00am)
DrPantzFunkley: toad trippers - good tshirt (12:00am)
DrPantzFunkley: you could do some good t shirt art with that concept (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: maybe a name for a punk band (12:01am)
what do you know really:: last word maven huh? (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: this is a chat no? (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: i was chatting (12:01am)
DrPantzFunkley: nothing malicious (12:02am)
what do you know really:: go ahead take it (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: take what (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: i don't understand what's what here (12:02am)
what do you know really:: the last fucking word! please! (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: just hanging at the dr hal chat listening to the funniness (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: well, all the words are the last (12:02am)
DrPantzFunkley: what does it matter (12:03am)
DrPantzFunkley: and what gives you authority to control this chat (12:03am)
you: Im next -- please don't cut in line (12:03am)
DrPantzFunkley: queue jumpin (12:04am)
DrPantzFunkley: yee haw (12:04am)
what do you know really:: no yhat's your task, self appointed (12:04am)
you: haha I just edited your comment sucka (12:04am)
DrPantzFunkley: what him say (12:05am)
what do you know really:: maybe you can chase all of thr the audience away. (12:05am)
you: teehee I just deleted your comment (12:05am)
what do you know really:: whose (12:05am)
DrPantzFunkley: ok, i really don't understand (12:05am)
DrPantzFunkley: seriously, we are laughing about toads (12:06am)
DrPantzFunkley: and dr hal is dropping the toad science (12:06am)
you: you're a bunch of toadies (12:06am)
what do you know really:: we are all reassured that you're listening, pantz (12:07am)
DrPantzFunkley: i'll drink to that (12:07am)
you: present company excepted (12:07am)
DrPantzFunkley: i still don't quite understand what your beef was all about (12:07am)
you: where's the beef (12:08am)
DrPantzFunkley: between the buns (12:08am)
what do you know really:: nevrrmind (12:08am)
DrPantzFunkley: hey ooohhh (12:08am)
you: bufo toads --bufotenine -- not worth the bother -- you wont even remember it (12:10am)
you: you want an excellent psychedelic high w/o danger -- try salvia divinorum (12:10am)
Dr. Penny: Hopefully DrPantz isn't too old for orgozmotic radiation to affect them. (12:11am)
DrPantzFunkley: affect what? (12:11am)
DrPantzFunkley: orgone? (12:12am)
DrPantzFunkley: wilhelm reich stuff? (12:12am)
what do you know really:: hey everyone just do heroin why not anything goes (12:12am)
DrPantzFunkley: was it the bashing of jerry lewis that caused the feather ruffling in here (12:12am)
DrPantzFunkley: cuz i don't understand what it was that i said other than joking around about disdain for jerry lewis (12:12am)
you: please preenme (12:12am)
what do you know really:: drop it asshole (12:12am)
DrPantzFunkley: ouch, ok (12:12am)
you: nuke you (12:13am)
DrPantzFunkley: i guess that's the problem with this medium, you are reading what i am typing your voice, and not mine (12:13am)
DrPantzFunkley: i am friendly and cordial, i wasn't trying to hurt or shut anyone out (12:13am)
DrPantzFunkley: i was just having fun (12:13am)
DrPantzFunkley: listening to the show, working and chatting (12:13am)
you: me 2 (12:13am)
you: and Im not sorry (12:13am)
DrPantzFunkley: hah (12:14am)
DrPantzFunkley: hear hear (12:14am)
DrPantzFunkley: or is that here here (12:14am)
you: so fuck off anyway just for fun (12:14am)
DrPantzFunkley: i never knew (12:14am)
DrPantzFunkley: where does here here or hear hear come from dr hal (12:14am)
DrPantzFunkley: can you answer that one (12:14am)
you: parliament (12:14am)
DrPantzFunkley: funkadelic (12:15am)
you: haha you funny (12:15am)
DrPantzFunkley: so it's hear hear, like listen up (12:15am)
DrPantzFunkley: i love the p-funk (12:15am)
you: it means hooray (12:15am)
DrPantzFunkley: gotta get up with the get down (12:15am)
Jesus: you're all going to sheol (12:16am)
DrPantzFunkley: is that outside of detroit? (12:16am)
Jesus: it's kike : means hell in english (12:17am)
DrPantzFunkley: well hell, hell is for children (12:18am)
Jesus: of satan (12:18am)
Bibi Netanyahu: we're going to nuke all you anti-semites (12:20am)
Bibi Netanyahu: our fallout will find you whereever you're hiding (12:21am)
Pres. Ahmenijihad: come and get us nigga (12:21am)
Barky the darky: peace out or I'll invade you (12:24am)
Anti-Bertha: you bad boys are all going to hell (12:25am)
Karen Carpenter: mouse poker (12:35am)
Karen Carpenter: Thank you for returning Sarah unmolested. (12:37am)

Radio Program 87
May 10, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal's 87th Radio Valencia show.

Chatroom History
May 10, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Karen Carpenter: nothing here anyway (10:42pm)
Sperm: I am responsible for Mother's Day! When do I get a national holiday? (11:57pm)

May 3, 2013 10:00pm
The studio audience (and off-world listeners) responded favorably to the Ask Dr. Hal Show LIVE FUN(D)RAISER. Now download this, peel back the layers, and weep at the fecund talent that never ends (ends at 1am).

Chatroom History
May 3, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Hermes Decagistus: what a warm kind gentle sweet sensitive show ! (10:32pm)
Hermes Decagistus: so gooshy with smarmy love-squank ! (10:32pm)
Hermes Decagistus: my ears sweat with concupiscient angst to hear such dulcet musicing ! (10:33pm)
Hermes Decagistus: play misty for me or else I'll Eastwood your buttocks (10:34pm)
Hermes Decagistus: now dammit please, I beg you ! (10:34pm)
Hermes Decagistus: now you're scaring me ! stop ! stop ! (10:35pm)
Hermes Decagistus: never mind -- im just gonna go listen to KFOG instead. I don'thave to take this caca (10:36pm)
Hermes Decagistus: Im back ! did you miss me? (10:36pm)
Hermes Decagistus: why don't you answer me? don't you care? (10:38pm)
Hermes Decagistus: ok, Im just gonna ignore you (10:38pm)
Hermes Decagistus: what a cool show ! I have to turn off my air conditioner when I listen to you so I dont freeze. (10:40pm)
Hermes Decagistus: Im in love with Obama... he's the guy for me... whenever I hear his name, I feel happy ! (10:41pm)
Alan Benard: I'm finally listening live to Ask Dr. Hal. Cough up! (10:43pm)
Hermes Decagistus: 10-4 big buddy (10:43pm)
Alan Benard: Wall-to-wall and treetop tall. (10:44pm)
Dianne Feinstein: This program is illegal. Cease and desist immediately, (10:47pm)
Dianne Feinstein: repeat (10:47pm)
Dianne Feinstein: Please repeat the first line of that poem (10:48pm)
Jerry Brown: Do you accept food stamps? (10:50pm)
Alan Benard: Astronomy gives me a boner. (11:28pm)
Alan Benard: The Pepeiopause! (11:30pm)
Alan Benard: Pepe-eclipse! (11:35pm)
spy emerson: hey!! its spy!!!! (11:43pm)
spy emerson: hi hal!! (11:43pm)
spy emerson: i heard it stinks in there like poppin michael pepe!! (11:44pm)
ballSFunky: Couldn't make it to the SHow...gonna donate via payapl (11:47pm)
spy emerson: looooong space report (11:50pm)
vj pussycat: i was just sayin that (11:50pm)
spy emerson: i demand!!! (11:50pm)
ballSFunky: I will donate 100 dollars via paypal if the Space report ends by 11:52 PST (11:51pm)
spy emerson: hahaa! (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: oh well good try (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: maybe someone there could wave a bacon wrapped hot dog in pete goldie's face (11:52pm)
spy emerson: haaa! his weakness!! (11:53pm)
ballSFunky: donated anyway (11:54pm)
spy emerson: we care because of you pete (11:54pm)
vj pussycat: nice ball (11:54pm)
ballSFunky: I don't know who Jonathan Fast is...but make sure Hal sees some of that filthy lucre (11:54pm)
spy emerson: ahhh sound going out!! (11:55pm)
ballSFunky: spy...are you using the popout player? (11:55pm)
spy emerson: i have no idea. its outdated media (11:58pm)
spy emerson: funky balls (12:00am)
spy emerson: clap clap (12:00am)
spy emerson: yawn (12:00am)
spy emerson: terror rain (12:01am)
spy emerson: yes (12:01am)
ballSFunky: whay does everyone do that when they see my handle (12:01am)
spy emerson: darkroom (12:01am)
ballSFunky: funky balls funky balls get off my back (12:02am)
ballSFunky: it's Copy"Bob"!!! (12:02am)
ballSFunky: or Froppy"Bob" (12:02am)
spy emerson: DONT TALK TECH PROBLEMS!!! (12:02am)
spy emerson: omg!! (12:03am)
spy emerson: KROB in teen beat!? (12:03am)
ballSFunky: May the 4th be With You!!! (12:03am)
spy emerson: saturday (12:03am)
spy emerson: night (12:03am)
ballSFunky: radiovalencia>KPFA (12:03am)
spy emerson: mr hell sounds good! (12:04am)
ballSFunky: applause (12:04am)
spy emerson: clap (12:05am)
spy emerson: can you hear me?!? (12:08am)
ballSFunky: i submitted a question via will that be answered? (12:08am)
spy emerson: wow (12:09am)
spy emerson: ummmm...pepe? (12:09am)
spy emerson: dirty bandage!!! (12:11am)
spy emerson: yes please (12:12am)
spy emerson: get the beer spilling dealt with! (12:15am)
spy emerson: what the heck!?! (12:18am)
Jerry Brown: what is a question? (12:18am)
spy emerson: 969797969 (12:18am)
spy emerson: 69672696 (12:19am)
Willy Clinton: ( 911 ) 911-9111 (12:19am)
spy emerson: because genius never pays enough (12:19am)
Willy Clinton: try subgenius (12:19am)
spy emerson: BUY subgenius (12:20am)
spy emerson: how does a POOTIN smell? (12:21am)
Hermes Trismegistus: I can't get a phoneme in sideways here. (12:21am)
spy emerson: try up and down (12:22am)
spy emerson: hhaaaaa (12:23am)
spy emerson: haahha (12:23am)
Hermes Trismegistus: It works ! and round and round too ! (12:23am)
spy emerson: ass gas or grass ..nobody rides dr hal for free (12:24am)
spy emerson: suspense!? (12:25am)
spy emerson: who is calling? (12:25am)
spy emerson: whos at the door? (12:25am)
vj pussycat: did the brazilian astronaut ever show up? (12:25am)
spy emerson: whoa!! (12:25am)
Hermes Pentagistus: Im at thdoor. Please let me in (12:26am)
vj pussycat: call them (12:26am)
Hermes Pentagistus: I called them assholes then they hung up humorless honkies (12:27am)
spy emerson: hold on to yourself! (12:27am)
spy emerson: chaos (12:27am)
vj pussycat: hal's not taking calls (12:27am)
ballSFunky: 10-4 (12:28am)
spy emerson: no!! our show is may 11th saturday night!!! (12:28am)
Hermes Decagistus: Im at the door too. Please let me in. Please. I have money sex and cannabis for you! (12:30am)
spy emerson: sorry, im in LA (12:30am)
Hermes Decagistus: never mind. Ispent the $$, consummated the sex, and smoked the herb (12:30am)
spy emerson: you good fer nuthin (12:31am)
spy emerson: !!! (12:31am)
Hermes Decagistus: I thought about you all the while, spy dearest (12:31am)
spy emerson: awwww!! who is this?? (12:31am)
Hermes Decagistus: a secret admirer (12:32am)
spy emerson: aww (12:32am)
Hermes Decagistus: I have watched you from afar for many years. I must have you ! Be mine tonight ! (12:32am)
spy emerson: shutup!! (12:33am)
spy emerson: baaah!!! (12:33am)
Hermes Decagistus: I cant handle the rejection. Im goino go fall in love with myself instead (12:34am)
spy emerson: pfffttt!! (12:34am)
ballSFunky: spy...i recently sent you a friend request via fb. My Con-Name begins with the letter "D". (12:37am)
spy emerson: aha! a set up. wow this girl stumped hal. (12:37am)
spy emerson: she must feel really smart (12:37am)
spy emerson: funkyballs, a friend request? uh (12:37am)
spy emerson: dylan green (12:38am)
ballSFunky: yes ma'am (12:39am)
spy emerson: garren (12:39am)
ballSFunky: yup (12:39am)
ballSFunky: I should change it to gReeN now... (12:39am)
spy emerson: snacks!! (12:40am)
spy emerson: HOT DOGS!!! (12:40am)
spy emerson: shes gonna get poopies (12:40am)
spy emerson: nice beat KROB (12:40am)
vj pussycat: WRAPPED IN BACON!!! (12:40am)
vj pussycat: speed round (12:41am)
spy emerson: wow. um (12:44am)
spy emerson: ok (12:44am)
spy emerson: 97 (12:44am)
spy emerson: 96 (12:44am)
spy emerson: 98 (12:44am)
spy emerson: 96 (12:44am)
ballSFunky: pathetic questions (12:45am)
Copy"Bob": PRABOB!!! Aieieiieeieiieiieiiiiieee!!!1 (12:46am)
spy emerson: milk (12:47am)
Copy"Bob": moop (12:47am)
spy emerson: the (12:47am)
spy emerson: sap (12:47am)
Copy"Bob": Standard Audio Profile? (12:47am)
vj pussycat: sounds like 4 peas already started (12:50am)
spy emerson: gnight!! (12:57am)
spy emerson: bye hal (12:57am)
spy emerson: haa (12:57am)

It's Always Something!
April 26, 2013 10:00pm
No super intro, abbreviated altro, Dr. Hal arrived late and quit early. Best show all year!

Oh, and the next fundraiser was plugged.

Chatroom History
April 26, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

Robinson: It's on (12:59am)
Robinson: the internet is on (12:59am)
vj pussycat: hey y'all (1:02am)

Reasonably Priced Show
April 19, 2013 10:00pm
Did Dr. Hal mention that the 4/20 LIVE Ask Dr. Hal Show is free?

Chatroom History
April 19, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Al Gorhythm: ahhhhh ... all better now ! (10:00pm)
Al Gorhythm: encore ! encore ! (10:01pm)
Princess Dianna: You're so ... manly ... please let me succubate you (10:03pm)
Princess Dianna: I'll be gentle (10:04pm)
Princess Dianna: You'll hardly notice that Im there ! (10:05pm)
Princess Dianna: Am I bothering you ? These communications from beyond the grave can be so distressing... (10:06pm)
Princess Dianna: I feel sleepy. Im going back to my coffin. Goodnight you studmuffin ! (10:06pm)
Prince Charles: Has anyone seen my "Prince Charles" ( heh heh ! ) Im feeling... turgid... must copulate ... where's Jimmy Savile when I need him ? (10:08pm)
Prince Charles: Oops ... too late ... (10:09pm)
Prince Charles: Ed Murrow (10:10pm)
Ed Murrow: You talkin' to me ? (10:11pm)
Prince Charles: No (10:11pm)
Dr. Penny: Stick your penis in her necrotic vagina. (10:11pm)
Prince Charles: I have no such "penis". I am a cunt (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: then give her cobwebbed cuniligus! (10:13pm)
Nurse Nickel: Dr Penny, shall I apply a condom or a cervical dam ? (10:14pm)
Nurse Nickel: Did you say "both" ? (10:15pm)
Nurse Nickel: Which to whom ? (10:16pm)
Dr. Penny: film the bug porn in cobwebs of the vagina! (10:17pm)
Ann O'Nymous: Is the phone working? (10:18pm)
Ann O'Nymous: This technology plays well thru VLC Player freeware but not thru any browsers I use: Netscape 2.4, Internet Explorer 3.5... I am available for consultation. (10:21pm)
Timmy Leary: Do you have any LSD that I can borrow till Tuesday ? (10:24pm)
Timmy Leary: I'll pay you back in prion-free hamburgers (10:25pm)
Timmy Leary: Unless you'ld prefer my filthy lucre (10:25pm)
Timmy Leary: or my pure Love vibe (10:26pm)
Timmy Leary: perhaps a bit of each ? (10:26pm)
Timmy Leary: never mind -- it all just dropped out a hole in my pocket (10:27pm)
Timmy Leary: it's all dribbling down my leg -- hamburger, lucre, & love -- all in vain ... so sad... (10:28pm)
Timmy Leary: so sad ... so sad ... (10:29pm)
e_yazel: see? as this dinosaur controversy demonstrates.... (11:01pm)
e_yazel: ... official science cannot always be entirely trusted... (11:03pm)
e_yazel: at least in one's heart or spirit. (11:04pm)
e_yazel: even the ranks of scientists may become inhabited with openly willfull narcissists (11:08pm)
e_yazel: that is willful. you know. (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: greetings from fiasco towers and resort (11:15pm)
San Francisco: We all be right over (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: fm signal is not working tonight (11:16pm)
and it's drop out city here: ,ok? (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: internet is spotty too damnit (11:18pm)
Salvador Golly: My stream just went down as well (11:19pm)
Show: is no-wher-ville, man.... (11:19pm)
e_yazel: yes it was going well until quite recently... now no sound (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: wtf i heard it just a minute ago (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: yes i can't hear that (11:21pm)
Salvador Golly: Game over man. Game over (11:21pm)
e_yazel: obviously someone.. one of the visitors has pushed a button yhrough no intent of their own (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: it's back (11:23pm)
vj pussycat: quadrophonic with delays (11:24pm)
e_yazel: "ovulator" ha ha (11:30pm)
Hooper: aire of mystery I like it (11:32pm)
Hooper: hipster DMT is that a new drink (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: yea don't they call it deemsters (11:39pm)
FropAmytosis: hello (11:45pm)
FropAmytosis: stream is choppy = ( (11:45pm)
you asked them before handing it to them ?: why? (11:48pm)
e_yazel: yes don't discuss the flyers just hand it to them (11:50pm)
e_yazel: if you ask them beforehand they'll refuse the handouts (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: will the coupon be accepted on mobile devices or does it need to be printed? (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: sorry karen, yes i heard (11:55pm)
unless the asking is unusually charming any data people in the morning will regard you askance and be grateful for the opportunity to look down on somebody.: ... (11:59pm)
unless the asking is unusually charming any data people in the morning will regard you askance and be grateful for the opportunity to look down on somebody.: charming any data guys in thr morning will regard you with scorn and be grateful for that opportunity (12:01am)
e_yazel: .go oug on yhe strert now and circulate the flyers... after all that printing effort. (12:05am)
e_yazel: that is go out to the street populace try that (12:06am)
Praise Goldie: anyone else having stream issues? (12:15am)
e_yazel: no (12:16am)
QueefMaskReplica: yep (1:07am)

Routine Matters
April 12, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal answers all the questions called in to his show, The As Dr. Hal Show.


Chatroom History
April 12, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

jack: yay (12:27am)

Did Someone Say GIANT SPIDERS?
April 5, 2013 10:00pm
Dr. Hal Robins comments on the sudden appearance of GIANT SPIDERS during the late Tertiary on Planet Earth. Krob and Pete Goldie tremble in fear at the sudden appearance of Puzzling Evidence. Then the next show starts, the end.

Chatroom History
April 5, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Just Sayin': Hal--Michelle Shocked said very explicitly anti-gay things, then taunted the audience about how "Someone is going to Tweet that I said God hates fags." So you're half-right, she never said the last part, but she was very very clear in the first part which was ugly and stupid and clearly the big reveal of her SF concernt. (11:30pm)
Just Sayin': It was the planned big reveal of her SF concert. Then it was wah wah wah, I said something hateful, why are people hating on me? (11:31pm)
Who_Cares: : Of course, Michelle Shocked was someone few cared about except for the very audience she coddled along... so, it's a Tempest in a Tea Pot. Funny how reactionaries jump on it, so, just as someone did on here just now. (11:47pm)
Who_Cares: : I mean that person who thought to openly correct Hal. Why should he even care about that silly limited audience baiter Ms. Shocked? (11:49pm)
Who_Cares: : "Aw, Michelle done let us do-ooo-ooown." BFD, who cares? How you like that? (11:51pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: bounding love -- boing boing (12:03am)
Hermes Pentagistus: I love nipple too (12:04am)
Hermes Pentagistus: I am drowning in innocence -- please corrupt me (12:05am)
Hermes Pentagistus: nudes of the world (12:06am)
Hermes Pentagistus: unite! (12:06am)
Hermes Pentagistus: moo !! milk me please ! my teats ache with pneumatic lactition (12:09am)
Hermes Pentagistus: now please or my busom will explode (12:10am)
Hermes Pentagistus: service me please (12:11am)
Hermes Pentagistus: NOW DAMMIT ! (12:11am)
Hermes Pentagistus: never mind -- too late -- there's milk everywhere -- and blood -- you could have helped but Nooooo... you had to talk talk talk --- (12:13am)
Hermes Pentagistus: no gnostics in foxholes either (12:14am)
Hermes Pentagistus: I void in your specific direction (12:17am)
Hermes Pentagistus: with extreme prejudice (12:17am)
Hermes Pentagistus: a dinosaur bit me -- please kiss my bobo (12:21am)
vj pussycat: whitey's on the moon (12:38am)

With Utmost of Caution
March 29, 2013 10:00pm
An evening of excellent guests and technical glitches. Nothing new.

Chatroom History
March 29, 2013 10:00pm - 1:11am

Hermes Pentagistus: dear dr hal --- i suffer from spontaneous enlightenment but still cannot hear your radio poocast please fix your buttons and what's this 250 mb archives ? i aint gots time to download 250 mb ! I gots porn to watch ! (10:11pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: all better now switched browsert from firefox to seamonkey (10:20pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: but 250 mb for archives is suq -- puddling effigy shows is only 20 megabites -- (10:22pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: but your show is so... so shall I putt it ...a birdie, knocked cuckoo by the golf ballocks of you sloppy hacks (10:24pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: In the Bowels of Christ, I Beseech Thee : Get a Script ! (10:26pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: Stop ignoring me dammit or I'll keep posting here till you answer with a reply or vice versa. You blustering blowhard buffoons don't fool me. (10:30pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: okay you asked for it. Im gonna do a denial of access phone-in plus chatboard boredom ( like this ) on your sorry ass station until you look at me ! see the attached photo. (10:34pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: that's right, mofo -- you gotsed it right. Im baaaddd ! Im a domesticated terror ! (10:37pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: i tooked your tv and used it for my art : i pulverized the tube and microwaved it 3x to purple behold gold (10:39pm)
e_yazel: oh, calm down (10:42pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: you seem incredulous. By the foreskin of Assad you are an imbecilic infidel, i shall use your throbbing body to quench the temper of my damascus steel blade, infidel puppy ! (10:43pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: hot damn these are some good bath salts ! me hungry now go hunt mexican (10:45pm)
e_yazel: the feed seems to have gone out (10:47pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: i i i warned you i would hack your sorry ass if you didnt pay attention to ME ! Im off my feed, now you're off your feed. HaHaHa ! I rule ! Sign Me, Anonymous (10:50pm)
e_yazel: technology today only appears to be serving certain people (10:50pm)
Professor Skidwell: Conjecture pstench. (10:51pm)
NYCFeedsGoneToo: wah wah wah (10:51pm)
e_yazel: you are taking credit for this,hermes? (10:51pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: Im sorry my megalomania got the betterof me for a moment. I'll restore the feed asap (10:51pm)
Professor Skidwell: Four oh four (10:52pm)
e_yazel: oh. well.. i' m certain we'd be grateful (10:52pm)
Professor Skidwell: All my threes are fours! (10:53pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: after you pay me $1000000 via paypal; (10:53pm)
e_yazel: well. i never. (10:55pm)
Professor Skidwell: WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! (10:56pm)
Emil Franchel: What?! (10:56pm)
e_yazel: you only hacked the feed because you don't support same gender marriage equalities. (10:57pm)
e_yazel: and his marimba allstars (10:58pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: you bloody primitives -- you could paste the show script on the chatboard so we can have sto play with while we're waiting for you pretard poseurs. (10:58pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: my kyebaord is lysdexic (10:58pm)
e_yazel: you're a raging animal (10:59pm)
Emil Franchel: If you have been radiotized by me before, please leave the chatbox... (10:59pm)
Emil Franchel: for eleven mins... (11:00pm)
e_yazel: hey i never did. man. (11:00pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: oh the inhumanity ! (11:00pm)
e_yazel: restore this sound feed with haste (11:01pm)
e_yazel: be a man. (11:02pm)
Professor Skidwell: Too late for love. (11:02pm)
e_yazel: yes, the death of love. (11:02pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: gotta stash this ipod -- the guard is coming round, gotta go, byebye (11:03pm)
Pirate Jenny: Dead air! (11:03pm)
e_yazel: farewell, annoying lunatic, may angels speed your flight (11:04pm)
e_yazel: well if it isn't pirate jenny (11:04pm)
Shindignation!: what is going on here haha? (11:05pm)
Emil Franchel: Well, seems the signal is down for now... (11:05pm)
Professor Skidwell: Who is Pirate Jenny? (11:05pm)
e_yazel: you mean to say you hear nothing? (11:05pm)
Emil Franchel: It is still on the FM air style thing.. (11:05pm)
Emil Franchel: but we not on the netwebs (11:05pm)
Emil Franchel: . (11:05pm)
Professor Skidwell: Flying blind. (11:05pm)
e_yazel: pirate jenny? my coy mistress. (11:06pm)
Emil Franchel: In a circle of a mile and a half..if you pick it up in the mission, you can hear it until Oakland (11:06pm)
Dr. Penny: I just got in from a long night. The live stream is dead for me, too. (11:07pm)
e_yazel: who says? (11:07pm)
NYCFeedsGoneToo: feedsbacknow (11:07pm)
Emil Franchel: back up again (11:08pm)
Dr. Penny: Ahhhh, the stream is back up!!!!! :) (11:08pm)
e_yazel: so it is. michael peppy must have tripped over a table. (11:08pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: i hear you in my dentures here in las vegas (11:08pm)
e_yazel: bernsrd hermannnn (11:09pm)
Professor Skidwell: The sound of the mission again caresses the desert air. (11:09pm)
Emil Franchel: Dessert Airs? (11:09pm)
Dr. Penny: in lots of whipped cream with a cherry on top. (11:10pm)
Emil Franchel: Tom and Jerky stuupit. (11:12pm)
e_yazel: that wss great (11:12pm)
Professor Skidwell: Use an iPod in case of earworms, Dr. Hal. (11:13pm)
e_yazel: i dislike any sound from the new battlestar galactica (11:14pm)
Emil Franchel: Battle Creek star unlikes show. (11:14pm)
e_yazel: dialogue especially (11:14pm)
Hermes Pentagistus: Scriabin (11:15pm)
Dr. Penny: Michael Peppe!!!!!!!! WoooHoooooo!!!! (11:15pm)
Emil Franchel: Obliqise, of course (11:15pm)
e_yazel: the guy in midnight,s children gets esp from something up his nose (11:17pm)
e_yazel: he becomes psychic through an injury and freak accident (11:17pm)
Professor Skidwell: My the door is opened, if you become agree with me, therefore write me please. (11:20pm)
e_yazel: the poor brine shrimps (11:22pm)
e_yazel: arrest michael peppe now (11:23pm)
e_yazel: he owes a debt to society (11:25pm)
e_yazel: you call this a successful species?? (11:27pm)
Emil Franchel: You call this free? (11:29pm)
e_yazel: it is far from free. (11:30pm)
e_yazel: this. that is. (11:31pm)
e_yazel: whatta party animal hal is, huh? (11:35pm)
e_yazel: christ. (11:35pm)
e_yazel: stairway to heaven directed by michael powell (11:36pm)
e_yazel: and the other guy (11:37pm)
e_yazel: peeping tom is now lauded (11:38pm)
e_yazel: im sure peeping tom is eadily seen on the intertrons (11:39pm)
e_yazel: chrrbourg is good! (11:40pm)
e_yazel: catherine was in umbrellas (11:40pm)
Emil Franchel: M Peppe is corny all the way (11:41pm)
e_yazel: it was a fine movie (11:41pm)
e_yazel: read it instead (11:43pm)
e_yazel: read les miserables instead (11:43pm)
e_yazel: the music is annoying (11:44pm)
Emil Franchel: Frankie is annoying. (11:49pm)
e_yazel: petey the punk (11:50pm)
Professor Skidwell: How hard is it to get a decent mic on Dr. Hal? (12:10am)
Emil Franchel: Done. (12:12am)
Professor Skidwell: Better! (12:15am)
Professor Skidwell: Kitty is pleased. (12:17am)
e_yazel: i stepped away... didvt (12:22am)
e_yazel: did they lose something? (12:23am)
e_yazel: i ve read vellokovssky! (12:24am)
e_yazel: his vision id complex (12:25am)
e_yazel: emmanul vellovkovsky...he wasn't knowingly a fraud unlike these art bell guys (12:28am)
e_yazel: oh that call was such bullshit (12:41am)
e_yazel: even though it was me (12:41am)
Something is wrong: witht they mind murck (12:46am)
Something is wrong: with this cup' a Murchk (12:47am)
Something is wrong: with they mind selves (12:47am)
e_yazel: worlds in collision is simply speculating that enormous natural trsuma shaped our psychology. yhis was before raquel welch in dinofilms (12:48am)
e_yazel: writing weird books was all he had (12:49am)
e_yazel: natural events. it ain' such a bad book. too bad those academics didn' t understand. (12:52am)
EarthQuake: I Rule, Humee. (12:52am)
PupFish: I Win!!!! (12:54am)
e_yazel: you win. you are the answer tk pete's latest quiz (12:54am)
e_yazel: do you think the desert baked his very mind???? (12:55am)
e_yazel: and the watrrs parted from the waters (12:57am)
e_yazel: this is like pete is reading the bible (12:57am)
e_yazel: yeah read his gun piece and see those nasty people's comments (12:59am)
e_yazel: yeah marjorie (1:01am)

Take This Raygun Rocket Down!
March 22, 2013 10:00pm
Needs a better summary too.

Chatroom History
March 22, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

hermes pentagismus: o thou show, ye mindless theater ! hear ye now : ye be sad sack souls in comical comas of derailed entrainment ... ye be bereft of brains : hotbeds of prions enfolding the void : a dios, fellow travailers ! ye be the very horror of babylon : your split tongues jabir alkemys for sale again. (11:17pm)
hermes pentagismus: silly refulgent trance mutants -- vortex dancers lie exhausted in plain slight of handy spider-love stumble bumming unto death (11:26pm)
party robot: beep beep chirp whir (11:28pm)
party robot: gads -- what maudlin twaddle ! (11:30pm)
pud pudding: please talk funny for me (11:33pm)
pud pudding: hahaha more joy joy now or i will cry on you (11:34pm)
pud pudding: never mind me go sleepy now bye bye bozos (11:35pm)
pud pudding: oops i changed mi mynd hello again (11:35pm)
pud pudding: seriously -- this time I am so gone ! (11:36pm)
Dr. Penny: If they can eat the stuff at Fisherman's Wharf, they'll eat tree lobsters. (12:07am)
e_yazel: those bell things were mostly frank capra directed (12:16am)
e_yazel: at least at first (12:19am)
Dr. Penny: Pete is obsessed with reverb (12:24am)
Salvador Golly: Milwaukee crew signing off (12:25am)
four peas stupid: chokinv is so stupid (1:19am)
four peas stupid: msybe one of yiu assholes will go to jail somedsy. serioudly. (1:20am)
four peas stupid: seriously (1:20am)

Ask Dr Hal Show # 79C
March 15, 2013 10:00pm
here's some crap Hal suggested as a summary: "Millions of years ago, giant dinosaurs roamed the earth. The temperatures, both on land and in the ocean, climbed much higher than during the Paleozoic, and climates tended to be more tropical in nature. Despite this, the seas were shallower, leaving different types of land masses for Life to inhabit. Overall, the Mesozoic Era was dryer than in the Paleozoic Era. There was more desert and less marshland. These warmer and drier conditions of the Mesozoic eventually called forth new reproductive methods in plants, as ferns and gymnosperms developed. Their strategy for reproduction allowed for better protection of the spores, or seeds, that would have to endure indefinite periods of drought, dormant, before reviving, activating their genetically determined growth mechanisms and growing into the new-fledged plants."

Chatroom History
March 15, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

jr "spud" seven: Doktor Hal! Dokto Hal! (10:30pm)
Salvador Golly: Hal, how can I make a donation to you??? (10:34pm)
Salvador Golly: This is for an important experiment. DON'T ASK WHAT THE EXPERIMENT IS! (10:35pm)
jr "spud" seven: Dr. Hal what is your opinion of Walter Benton? (10:49pm)
More_Volume_for_Rusty: THANK YOU on behalf of appreciators of audible poems (10:49pm)
Itsfaco: Believe (11:30pm)
Itsfaco: Fuck drones (11:34pm)
Itsfaco: Danger field king of comedy (11:50pm)
Drones: fuck you then (12:19am)
Dr. Penny: Pi squared, in square pie tins. (12:32am)

Dance Fever with DJ Dr. Hal !
March 8, 2013 10:00pm
Uranium, a voluptuous element with really big atoms, is perfect for atom splitting because her strong force, though powerful, is relatively weak compared to other elements. Nuclear reactors use a particular isotope, lovely Uranium-235. The much-in-demand Uranium-235 doesn't appear often in a state of Nature; the ore from Uranium mines only contains about 0.7 percent U-235. That's why reactors make use of statuesque enriched Uranium, created by separating and concentrating the elusive element through a gas diffusion process. But you don't want to be around when she "goes off," no sir.
Better be safe at home listening to the Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio Valencia.

Chatroom History
March 8, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

Theo. v. Hohenheim: Your Show is having a strangely erotic effect upon my heaving busoms. It is clearly psychogenic... & so sudden -- even overwhelming in the instantaneity of it spontaneous compunction. Somebody help me, please ! (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: T v. H, try inhailing a cinder! (10:15pm)
Theo. v. Hohenheim: It's neo-platonic aural sex -- very mucho dangerous! I've applied a prophylactic measure of castor oil 'installations' to void the urethra of any preliminary blockage of this awesome experience. (10:18pm)
Theo. v. Hohenheim: that didnt work at all (10:21pm)
Theo. v. Hohenheim: ooops did it again ! gosh darn my socks ! (10:21pm)
Theo. v. Hohenheim: well it was exquisitely poignani just got Show all over me , must ablute or else... t chatting with you but (10:23pm)
Theo. v. Hohenheim: stop jamming my keybored dammit (10:23pm)
Dr. Penny: Praise the sweet name of "Bob"! (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: We love you Dr. Hal!!!!!!!!!!!!! (10:32pm)
Dr. Penny: just opened another bottle of beer. Everything is getting a bit blurry. (10:39pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Hal???? Why do sox sometimes smell funny? (10:59pm)
Dr. Penny: Dr. Hal???? When is the burning of the man like the burning of the bush? (11:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: SUre enough, I'm here (11:53pm)
Karen Carpenter: grfeatr party (11:54pm)
Karen Carpenter: !!! whoo hooo! (11:54pm)
::::::::: do you measure from the base on mars? (11:58pm)
Dr. Penny: bursting through, the Ask Dr. Hal show penetrates into the depths. (12:30am)
Dr. Penny: it'll be a cool cleanse. (12:39am)

Dr. Hal Unplugged!
March 1, 2013 10:00pm
He's off the hook! Someday he may figure out the phone system.

Chatroom History
March 1, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Salvador Golly: Dr Hal chat stream warm up post (10:04pm)
Salvador Golly: I'M SPEAKING FROM THE FUTURE! For it is midnight here in Milwaukee Wisconsin (10:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: not me (10:05pm)
Karen Carpenter: oh noes! 45 minutes of substandard geniuses (10:06pm)
Salvador Golly: Dr Hal, if I used the "ask a question" PayPal link on, would you actually be able to get it? (10:10pm)
Salvador Golly: Or would it get diverted in The Internet Tubes and you'd never see it? (10:10pm)
Salvador Golly: Have to go to bed, but answer it if you read it (10:13pm)
Karen Carpenter: .jpg (10:27pm)
Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim: dear sirs -- what is the vlency of your radio ? (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: Chatter up. Chatter down. (10:37pm)
e_yazel: Bill Cosby takes no drugs, but he likes Jello Pudding Pops. TRAINS? I like trains. But I'd have to take a damned train to get to San Mateo, Damn it.. (10:41pm)
Sr Momma: I am checking now to see if there are any exsmall nipples present (10:41pm)
e_yazel: No, no, we are taling about TRAINS, now. (10:41pm)
Sr Momma: your show is toxoplasmotic tonite. keyboard stix creach oxygen switch (10:42pm)
e_yazel: There are s many great train ride vids on youtube, you can go around the world. (10:42pm)
Sr Momma: cant reach oxy.moron swatch (10:42pm)
Sr Momma: uterine irritability plus premanopausal stress makes me vomit. how about you? (10:44pm)
e_yazel: WHa?? (10:44pm)
e_yazel: If you wish to feel good, I can inform you of great train ride vids that might calm you down. (10:46pm)
e_yazel: Listne to Hal about this paleontology subject, he is correct about how we're being "railroaded" into specious beliefs about dinosaurs. (10:47pm)
Dr. Penny: Train cars teetering down the tracks. A vomit here. A vomit there. (10:48pm)
e_yazel: Well, then, just listen to his logic regarding this feathered dinosaur theory or oversimplification going on... (10:50pm)
e_yazel: He is very probably quite correct about the imbalance between common sense "hands on" science and real research and these misapprehensions currently taking over. (10:53pm)
Dr. Penny: They lay on the hands saddle the featherless dino and saur into the sky. (10:56pm)
e_yazel: And, yes, it has to do with laziness and computers but since computers are here, we must not let those who lack rigor take over this Brave New WOrld. Mental flaccidness takes over political science as well, these day, and this will not be allowed to stand! (10:57pm)
e_yazel: Tell it, Hal!!! (10:59pm)
Dr. Penny: Your voice is still coming through on the stream. (11:02pm)
e_yazel: The fact that the mainland Chinese fooled National Geographic doesn't surprise me AT ALL. Typical of the District of COlumbia, now. Even the hallowed halls of the National Geographic Society have pseudo scientists skulking about. It's a mess. Extend this into why we are in such a mess in general. (11:04pm)
e_yazel: in general. (11:04pm)
e_yazel: Hal is right about the conclusions which are jumped to nowadays it happens in political science and sociology as well. Daily. By highly paid, comfortable think tank folk in federal agencies. For both parties. (11:19pm)
e_yazel: In agencies, universities, etc. It's one of our largest problems as a civilization. (11:22pm)
e_yazel: If a suspicious and undemocratic government can construct "artifacts" that the National Geographic Society lays down and pants for, imagine what else is going on. (11:24pm)
Dr. Penny: Praise Dr. Hal!!!! (11:31pm)
Dr. Penny: Aunt Berta smoldering in the pipe of "Bob". (11:40pm)
Dr. Penny: Bringing the fightin' Jesus into the lungs of "Bob". (11:42pm)
Dr. Penny: It's the shining bright city of Dobbstown! There it is in the distance!!!!! We've arrived!!!!!! (12:42am)

The "Gosh, I Don't Remember!" Show
February 22, 2013 10:00pm
In this episode, the show turns turtle as mythical kingdoms come to the fore, with a consideration of imports and exports, tariffs, protectionism and travel tips. No tortoises were harmed during the making of this broadcast; all depicted terrapin activity was supervised by armed, accredited Testudinologists from the so-called Tortoise-Shell Institute of Terra Nova, California. The Church of the SubGenius and "Old Sequaw" are registered trade marks and all rights are reserved in perpetuity by the Fortress of Stangor, Inc. Note: Native American shamans may not completely endorse the SubGenius annual rite of "Bobtism."

Symbolically, the subjects brought up represent a great and final battle, ultimately foretold to result in the overthrow of a number of major figures: Stang, Chicken John, G'Boag 'Fram, Dr. Hal, Puzzling Evidence, the Dalai Lama, KrOB and Francis E. Dec. The tradition speaks of the occurrence of various natural and man-made disasters, the rising from the depths of Old Sequaw and the subsequent submersion of the world in water. Afterward, the land will resurface anew and agatn be fertile, the surviving and returning radio gods will meet, and the world will be repopulated by two dull-witted human listeners, the only survivors.
Topics on the Ask Dr. Hal! radio show are often the subject of vigorous scholarly discourse and theory.

Chatroom History
February 22, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: You're coming in loud and clear Dr. Hal!!!!! :) (10:01pm)
e_yazel: wow, whadda party (10:25pm)
e_yazel: I'm not so "little"... (10:30pm)
e_yazel: not so very, anyhow (10:31pm)
e_yazel: I have no "hose problem"... what is this On AIr insinuation? (10:34pm)
e_yazel: Now they talk of Space Ghost Cheese (10:35pm)
malderor: what absolute twaddle. (10:35pm)
e_yazel: I guess Numbers Station Signallers are literally Radio Ghosts (10:39pm)
Audience: These guys are so full of theyselves (10:44pm)
Audience: Old Blah Blah (10:44pm)
Audience: Old rules for old guys... (10:45pm)
e_yazel: what has Roth got? (10:49pm)
e_yazel: The Human Stain by Philip Roth (10:52pm)
e_yazel: It's a great story! (10:54pm)
e_yazel: Love Story by Erich Segal (10:56pm)
e_yazel: Jonathan Livingston Segal (10:56pm)
Philo: You guys suck! Who's that new asshole? (10:57pm)
Philo: Those guys sound ancient! (10:58pm)
e_yazel: The Poseidon Adventure by Paul Gallico (10:58pm)
e_yazel: Airport by Arthur Haley (10:59pm)
Philo: Whut has God Rot? (11:00pm)
e_yazel: Oh, we like it, well enough. (11:01pm)
Philo: Nudist Hootie and Blowfish (11:01pm)
e_yazel: Chariots of the Gods by Erich Von Daniken (11:03pm)
e_yazel: Future Shock by Alvin Toffiefay and the Chipmunks (11:04pm)
e_yazel: Ancient Evenings by Normal Mailer (11:06pm)
e_yazel: Gore Vidal Sasooon's Kalki (11:07pm)
e_yazel: Once is Not Even Enough by Jacqueline "Jacko" Susann (11:09pm)
e_yazel: Sex and Yer Single Girl by Helen "Girlie" Brown (11:09pm)
Audience: they tooooooold for sex, them boys (11:13pm)
e_yazel: The Enormous Member : a Nancy Drew Mysteryby (11:15pm)
e_yazel: by Carolyn Keene (11:15pm)
e_yazel: The Battle of the Sexes by Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs (11:18pm)
Audience: See? Nudes of G.W.BushMember (11:20pm)
Bruno: Sure is. (11:21pm)
e_yazel: Helter Johnson by Vincent BugmeoutSee? (11:21pm)
Bruno: No (11:21pm)
Bruno: Fuck Gerlach (11:21pm)
e_yazel: Fantastic Voyage adaaaaapted by Isaac Asimov (11:23pm)
e_yazel: Kansas City Bozombas by Raquel Welch (11:24pm)
e_yazel: Tom "He's Welsh" Jones by Henry F***ing Fielding (11:26pm)
The Jet People: He just jumped around?! (11:28pm)
The Jet People: NHLG #3 (11:29pm)
e_yazel: The Writing's On That Wall by Wally Ballou (11:29pm)
Hugo Danner: Knock it off. (11:31pm)
e_yazel: Hollywood Babylon by Kenneth Miffed (11:31pm)
Hugo Danner: I'm still hrererere (11:31pm)
e_yazel: No, no, you knock it off (11:31pm)
Hugo Danner: I'm at Bruno's (11:31pm)
Hugo Danner: meet me anf fite (11:31pm)
e_yazel: fine fine fine (11:32pm)
e_yazel: Brno Who??? (11:32pm)
Hugo Danner: Bruno's the only place to rock (11:32pm)
e_yazel: Bruno Bruno. (11:33pm)
M Peppe: 12 pizzas for the crew!! (11:34pm)
Philo: We're starving ourselves for our art and the children (11:35pm)
e_yazel: The Return of Bruno by Bruce Willis (11:35pm)
Philo: I will find sustenance (11:38pm)
e_yazel: R"my telephone is a Space Station!!!" (11:38pm)
Philo: Must eat!! (11:38pm)
e_yazel: "My library is a sewing room!" (11:39pm)
e_yazel: Eat life!!! Life! (11:39pm)
Philo: Candy shoe glhn (11:40pm)
e_yazel: "my kitchen is an art gallery!" (11:41pm)
e_yazel: The Disorderly Orderly Wins Best Picture of 1966 Oscar (11:43pm)
e_yazel: The Small Hadron Collider, the AVergae-sized Hadrian Collidor (11:51pm)
e_yazel: The SMall or Average Hadrian's Steed Collidor (11:51pm)
Philo: Success!!!! (11:52pm)
e_yazel: i'm too busy listening to this damned show, I should be editing and fact-checking (11:52pm)
e_yazel: All American women roll their eyes, now. AT everything. Don't be offended. (11:54pm)
e_yazel: I know it's weird, mixed medium, don't even lookhere. (11:56pm)
e_yazel: "The Boss"... sings Born to Run and other hits (11:57pm)
e_yazel: U2's Bono sings "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Singing For" (12:00am)
e_yazel: everything/everyone DO look for further Harry S robins writings THIS WEEKEND on at Culture Clutch (12:02am)
Grand Theft County: Neg'land (12:02am)
e_yazel: Robins, that is.. you know.. Dr. Hal.. okay! okay okay!!!!!! (12:03am)
Grand Theft Conty: singing "what ever I was looking for haven't found (12:06am)
Dr. Penny: The Pope-mobile has taken off (12:18am)
Philo: Ass dr How? (12:20am)
Philo: You can't drink on the radio (12:24am)
Prazak: Thanks Hal (12:54am)
Prazak: and Philo Drumhead (12:54am)
Play 4 Today: robo dj not sending to board (1:14am)

February 15, 2013 10:00pm
Radio Valencia built a beautiful large, functional studio. The subgenii Dr. Hal, Ivan Stang, Puzzling Evidence, Spy, KrOB, Philo Drummond, and Michael Peppe demonstrate that seven heads are less than one, as the struggle for audio dominance in a perfect booth with one microphone. Blame pilot error for the horrible results.

Chatroom History
February 15, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Salvador Golly: Dr. Hal logging on (10:03pm)
Jimmy Savile: Could someone please come to the city morgue and let me out ? Im locked in... it's cold... Im stiff ... so is he ... somebody help me, please (10:13pm)
Holy_Fuck: No. (10:17pm)
Chris Dorner: Can I hide outat your place for a few days ? (10:17pm)
Holy_Fuck: On , very funny (10:17pm)
Holy_Fuck: I mean "Oh, very funny" sarcastically. (10:19pm)
Chris Dorner: I dont believe you. You're a liar ! Idding you to my shitlist right now. (10:20pm)
Chris Dorner: I mean: "Im adding" stupit keybored (10:21pm)
Rabbi Pink: Why won't my foreskin grow back ? (10:24pm)
Holy_Fuck: get philo off of there, he is so dull (10:25pm)
Holy_Fuck: he rarely says anything all that interesting (10:26pm)
Rabbi Pink: Please join my class action lawsuit vs Zion -- We seek compensation for lost sexual sensitivity (10:27pm)
Rabbi Pink: we want our foreskins back (10:27pm)
skidwich: i am stimulated. sexually. (10:27pm)
Rabbi Pink: I am simulated sectionally (10:28pm)
skidwich: can i be philo? (10:29pm)
Rabbi Pink: Wow ! My foreskin is growing back -- Dr Hal, you are a miracle worker... a Messiah! Thank you thank you thank you ! (10:30pm)
Doktor W.: Sniffer of carrion, premature gravedigger, seeker of the nest of evil in the bosom of a good word, you, who sleep at our vigil and fast for our feast, you with your dislocated reason, have cutely foretold, a jophet in your own absence (10:31pm)
Jane Hyperclitoris: I may be pobucker but i know when Im being hornswoggled. You think I don't know what "jophet" means, hunh ? Hunh? (10:37pm)
Doktor W.: BEHOLD the show stone (10:41pm)
Al Magnus: your sophistry fails the test ptism of baphomet. you are naught but a foolish poseur, a puffer, a blustering blowhard buffoon. you are not qualified to pump my bellows, silly chymist (10:47pm)
Al Magnus: frickin keybord -- test of the fire, the secret baptism of baphomet (10:49pm)
Doktor W.: You were a kid once to. (10:50pm)
Al Magnus: was not was not was not (10:50pm)
Doktor W.: Damned blinking instruments! What buttons do i push?!?! (10:52pm)
Al Magnus: I cannot tell you : I refuse to throw my pork before wise guys. (10:53pm)
Doktor W.: That I be exiled from all truth... (10:54pm)
Doktor W.: Very well, I'll be waiting on the porch. (10:56pm)
Al Magnus: expatriated from all lies (10:56pm)
Salvador Golly: Smashing and swearing works well (10:56pm)
Al Magnus: fricative impaction & cussing doesn't play well (10:57pm)
Al Magnus: on 3rd thought -- i beg to defer... i stoop to concur ... forgive my impudence, please (10:59pm)
Salvador Golly: Did anyone else hear Stang's voice swoon when Spy emerson sat down next to him (11:02pm)
Karen Allen: not Margot Kidder, was Bridges' co-star in STARMAN. (11:04pm)
Anne Frank: Hello -- I am selling an original ballpoint pen copy first edition of my famous Diary so I can buy breast implants and botox. Please visit my eBay ad and bid ! (11:06pm)
Anne Frank: I am also selling my hymen and labial trimmings to pay for liposuction and a tummy tuck. Please bid in my ebay auction ! (11:11pm)
Jacques Dauphin: You americans talk a lot of twaddle with your englishing, but I tell you this -- someday the Merovingian dynasty will rise again ! Then everyone will speak French ! Phooey ! I pyroflatulate in your particular direction ! (11:16pm)
s'mores: hey now! (11:16pm)
Holy_Fuck: But isn't that what Argo is about? (12:30am)
Holy_Fuck: Ben Affleck grabbed that matter already. Bastard. (12:31am)
Holy_Fuck: yes, the thing about comic books with superheroes is that they became very one-note (12:35am)

February 8, 2013 10:00pm
NEAR PETROLIA, California, up in the state's fabled Lost Coast area. Once a year the Ask Dr. Hal! Show's own Dr. H. Owll retires there to contemplate the Beauties of Nature. Laughing, walking unencumbered, splashing in the pools and the ever-fresh Mattole River, the fairest of the fair give him strength, armored by such memories, to return to the gritty city and its struggles. Shows like this can result.

February 2, 2013 1:00am
STRANGE PRODUCTIONS OF NATURE by virtue of their exceptional rarity in our usual lives are by us falsely imprisoned in a category of similarity. But they are remote kin indeed. Still, given the complexity of the structure of larger life forms, there are correspondences; there are even points of consanguinity. For we are all related in the long run. And may it continue to be long. We offer six hours in early February.

CRAZYOLOGY - The David Normal Interview
February 1, 2013 10:00pm
until late...
Esoteric Revelations & Poetic Illuminations from
"DR. HAL" ROBINS, Church of the SubGenius
A Whirlwind of Unusual Spectacles for the Connoiseur of Eccentricities
Presented by MOLOTOV MALCONTENT with the lovely DIXIE DEELISH
Los Angeles's Scintillating Sci-Fi Love Cult
Light, Sound & Dimensional Mystery Theater with
Auditory Incunabula & Instrumental Curiosa performed by
A Dramatized, Enacted Recital of
Alfred, Lord Tennyson, First Baron Tennyson's
"The Lady of Shalott" by
Outrageous Japanese Bondage Sex Performance/Demonstration
in The Fine Far Eastern Art of SHIBARI
by MIKE WEST with Electronic Noise Accompaniment by
Hyper-extended Clownicles of the
TEMPLETON VARIETY SHOW --Pioneering the High Frontiers
of Madcap Mummery
A Scholarly Dissertation on Demonically Possessed Cats by
with Sensually Interpretive Antics by TIFFANY ROJAS,
KAOSMIC KITTY, & Members of the S.F. S.P.C.A.
Vinyl Interludes by
Panoramic Delirium of Ocular Delectation by
On-Site Uninhibited Bodypainting by
Raffle & Give-away of DAVID NORMAL artworks
hosted by Dr. HAL...

Heavy Air Landing
January 25, 2013 10:00pm
Uranium, a voluptuous element with really big atoms, is perfect for atom splitting because her strong force, though powerful, is relatively weak compared to other elements. Nuclear reactors use a particular isotope, lovely Uranium-235. The much-in-demand Uranium-235 doesn't appear often in a state of Nature; the ore from Uranium mines only contains about 0.7 percent U-235. That's why reactors make use of statuesque enriched Uranium, created by separating and concentrating the elusive element through a gas diffusion process. But you don't want to be around when she "goes off," no sir.

Better be safe at home listening to the Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio Valencia.

Chatroom History
January 25, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

skidwich: Thus Eagle-like, panther-like, Are the poet%u2019s longings, Are your longings under a thousand masks, You fool! You poet!... (10:02pm)
skidwich: You that have looked upon man As god and as sheep %u2014 Tearing to pieces the god in man As well as the sheep in man, And laughing while tearing (10:02pm)
skidwich: This, this is your bliss, A panther%u2019s and eagle%u2019s bliss, A poet%u2019s and fool%u2019s bliss! (10:02pm)
Frock Face: Where the hal is fuck?! (10:15pm)
Dr. Penny: Where have all the paperboys gone? (10:55pm)
jr "spud" seven: Hi Hal, Hi Pete Goldie, Hi Puzzling Evidence! (11:00pm)
Dr. Penny: Long time passing, now in Dobbstown where "Bob" rolls much of his frop and puffs and blows his smoke in the faces of all those paperboys. (11:02pm)
jr "spud" seven: (11:05pm)
Dr. Penny: Yeah, cause alcohol and cigs are like peanut butter and jelly. (11:34pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: will trade show for jokes (11:35pm)
e_yazel: they change his name FROM Natty Bumpo????in that Michael Mann adaptation??? Typical (11:36pm)
e_yazel: the Deerslayer.... Leatherstocking.... (11:36pm)
e_yazel: they call him Daniel Day Poe, or something, in that movie? (11:37pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: in the Bowels of Christ , I beg of you , respect my wampum . only want to have your Baby (11:37pm)
e_yazel: there's a sex scene in Name of the Rose? (11:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: yes with a gorgeous connie and a slab of meat (11:38pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: puzzling evidence filmed it (11:40pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: for historical purposes, of course (11:40pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: music too loud keep level @ 30 relative to mikes @ 60 (11:42pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: what outdated pedagogy (11:43pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: now you're really micturating me off ! (11:45pm)
e_yazel: Pete is right, these days one has to maintain eternal vigilance where children's exposure to media is concerned (11:45pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: turn down the goddam music or i'm gonna wear earplugs you luddite 'tards (11:49pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: i hear you but i dont want to this is coercive duress somebodyhelp me please (11:51pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Im calling Gov. Diane Finestine -- she's my buzom buddy -- she'll shut you down pront you infantile puerilists -- i won a silver star in vietnam -- i dont have to take this shit (11:53pm)
e_yazel: yes, you do have the take it! That' what the medal is for! (11:54pm)
e_yazel: TO Take it, I meant, Take it like a man, too. (11:55pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: history is a gun the ink is blood the paper is flesh. (11:56pm)
e_yazel: this program should be entitled Ask Puzzling Evidence! (11:56pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Im taking it in as manly a manner as i may but puzzling evidence outranks me so he rules but im gonna frag him. (11:58pm)
e_yazel: well, I drink a lot of coffee, and there's certainly nothing twitchy about me... incidentally, the reason they haven't brought Dr Doom into these CGI spectacles is because he's too much like Darth Vader visually (11:59pm)
e_yazel: think of how much Doctor Doom looks like Darth Vader... huh? (12:02am)
e_yazel: Outer Limits isn't so bad, what is he talking about? (12:17am)
e_yazel: Poor Gig Young was a tremendous alcoholic. (12:24am)
e_yazel: Vincent Price, the Jerry Lewis of horror movies. (12:24am)
e_yazel: (He is to horror movies what Jerry Lewis is to comedy.) And, like Lewis , did a lot of his later movies overseas. (12:26am)
e_yazel: Now they're discussing Felix Baumgartner's urine! Urine over your head, now. (12:29am)

Class Act
January 18, 2013 10:00pm
Symbolically, the subjects brought up represent a great and final battle, ultimately foretold to result in the overthrow of a number of major figures: Stang, Chicken John, G'Boag 'Fram, Dr. Hal, Puzzling Evidence, the Dalai Lama, KrOB and Francis E. Dec. The tradition speaks of the occurrence of various natural and man-made disasters, the rising from the depths of Old Sequaw and the subsequent submersion of the world in water. Afterward, the land will resurface anew and agatn be fertile, the surviving and returning radio gods will meet, and the world will be repopulated by two dull-witted human listeners, the only survivors.
Topics on the Ask Dr. Hal! radio show are often the subject of vigorous scholarly discourse and theory.

Chatroom History
January 18, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Salvador Golly: Doctor Hal! Yay! (11:04pm)
e_yazel: Sie Liebt DIch, Yeah Yeah Yeah (12:22am)
e_yazel: So, where ist everyvon... und vy didn't you tell ze VORLD, EH??? (12:30am)

Insert Next Week's Title Here
January 11, 2013 10:00pm
Uranium, a voluptuous element with really big atoms, is perfect for atom splitting because her strong force, though powerful, is relatively weak compared to other elements. Nuclear reactors use a particular isotope, lovely Uranium-235. The much-in-demand Uranium-235 doesn't appear often in a state of Nature; the ore from Uranium mines only contains about 0.7 percent U-235. That's why reactors make use of statuesque enriched Uranium, created by separating and concentrating the elusive element through a gas diffusion process. But you don't want to be around when she "goes off," no sir.
Better be safe at home listening to the Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio Valencia.

Chatroom History
January 11, 2013 10:00pm - 1:30am

Dr. Penny: The headphone plugs opposite of the boards are wonky. (10:30pm)
Dr. Penny: at least a couple of them as I recall (10:30pm)
honkey kong: per favore aiutatemi per favore - non riesco a sentire il mio cane morto che sta mangiando la televisione - ti prego per il vostro aiuto in questa situazione triste Bing Translation please help me please -- I cannot hear you on my dead dog that is eating the television -- I beg for your assistance in this sad situation (10:36pm)
honkey kong: I beg for your assistance in this sad situation (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: Those were beautiful Rusty! (10:38pm)
honkey kong: what poignant proesy gasp yawn excuse me (10:38pm)
honkey kong: help I'm a poem please read me (10:39pm)
e_yazel: graves better than wallace, EH?? (10:40pm)
e_yazel: well, I cannot be sure of that. (10:40pm)
e_yazel: I mean graves better than stevens? s you've claimed, Rusty? Hm? Hm? Eh? (10:41pm)
honkey kong: az by cx dw ev fu gt hs ir jq kp lo mn (10:44pm)
Dr. Penny: Hal knows all about business, especially with his Course in Success in Sex and Real Estate. (10:44pm)
honkey kong: now available @ (10:45pm)
honkey kong: also available as a free bitorrent download @ (10:47pm)
honkey kong: screw you you human blob (10:47pm)
honkey kong: please pry my cold dead gun from my hot bare arms (10:49pm)
honkey kong: super gigantic model thing sex assassination laugh (10:52pm)
sleeplisten: funereal feral squirrel scat (10:55pm)
sleeplisten: You are just too too hinky -- more tinky please -- In the bowels of Dobbs, I beseech thee ! (10:57pm)
::::::::: i can hardly hear rusty over the screeching music (10:57pm)
sleeplisten: circumcise krob again (10:58pm)
gnose: Ciao dottore Hal Robins il mio nome lesione io sono un demone e voglio difetto alla tua Chiesa l'aiuto SubGenius me per favore ---- Hello Doctor Hal Robins my name is Lesion I am a daemon and I want to defect to your Church of the SubGeniushelp me please (11:10pm)
Dr. Penny: "Bob" condones guns, particularly in the hands of the Fightin' Jesus and on the decks of the Xist saucers. (11:17pm)
Clem McCoy: You goddam commie sukkas -- budda budda takka takka vip ping pow mofo (11:19pm)
Clem McCoy: Im not listening not listening not listening (11:21pm)
Clem McCoy: Im not watching not watching not watching (11:22pm)
Clem McCoy: IM not talking to you talking to youtalking to you (11:22pm)
Dr. Penny: You could put one of those bathroom quarter locks on the frig door! (11:26pm)
Dr. Penny: Raking in big money from all them quaters. (11:27pm)

Forget This Title
January 4, 2013 10:00pm
Uranium, a voluptuous element with really big atoms, is perfect for atom splitting because her strong force, though powerful, is relatively weak compared to other elements. Nuclear reactors use a particular isotope, lovely Uranium-235. The much-in-demand Uranium-235 doesn't appear often in a state of Nature; the ore from Uranium mines only contains about 0.7 percent U-235. That's why reactors make use of statuesque enriched Uranium, created by separating and concentrating the elusive element through a gas diffusion process. But you don't want to be around when she "goes off," no sir.
Better be safe at home listening to the Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio Valencia.

Chatroom History
January 4, 2013 10:00pm - 2:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: Dear Doctor Hal -- Greetings and salutations from Germany. My name is Theophrastus von Hohenheim but my friends call me Paracelsus. You are welcome to do the same. I am in desperate need of your knowledge and wisdom. Please be so kind and generous as to tell me, what is the process for the preparation of the Philosophers' Stone ? I used to know this, but I have forgotten because of an unfortunate laboratory accident with mercury that has severely affected my brain. I beg you, somebody help me, please ! Signed, Paracelsus (10:04pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: the preparation of the Philosophers' Stone ? I used to know this, but I have forgotten because of an unfortunate laboratory accident with mercury that has severely affected my brain. I beg you, somebody help me, please ! Signed, Paracelsus (10:05pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Was die Unzucht ist falsch mit Ihnen Wolke Kuckuck Narren? Haben Sie keine Gnade fr uns? In den Eingeweiden von Christus bitte Sie, ich mir helfen, bitte. Bitte, bitte, sagen Sie mir die Wahrheit, wenn auch nur einmal in Ihre bizarre Existenz. Warum tun Sie dies fr uns? What the fornication is wrong with you cloud cuckoo fools ? Have you no mercy for us ? In the bowels of Christ, I beg you, help me, please. Please, please, tell me the truth, if only once in your bizarre existence. Why do you do this to us ? (10:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: What the fornication is wrong with you cloud cuckoo fools ? Have you no mercy for us ? In the bowels of Christ, I beg you, help me, please. Please, please, tell me the truth, if only once in your bizarre existence. Why do you do this to us ? (10:14pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: I can't stand it any more. I'm going to sit down, right now. Really, I am !! Just try to stop me !!! See, you can't, you impotent poseur !!! Nyah nyah nyah ! (10:24pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Oops ! I fell asleep for a second. Did I miss something ? Please rerun the past 2 minutes. (10:26pm)
e_yazel: Now you may begin the program. (10:34pm)
Dr. Penny: Everything is easy for "Bob." Even his most hellish mission is like an everlasting holiday. (10:36pm)
e_yazel: Uh.. yeah, his dumbest mistake is like our most crowning and prized endeavor. (10:38pm)
vj pussycat: what was the question? (10:40pm)
e_yazel: His biggest blunder is like our smallest and most exacting task. (10:40pm)
e_yazel: And vice versa. (10:40pm)
meme mymy minemine: advice in verse , and like wise, I'm sure (10:44pm)
e_yazel: The question was someone who claimed to be from Deutschland, and that personage was asking Hal to go into the "process for the preparation of The Philosopher's Stone..." AS IF... (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: thank you (10:46pm)
Dr. Penny: "Bob" is the FOOL of the Universe, and thus the only place of ALL KNOWLEDGE. (10:46pm)
meme mymy minemine: nobodyouwantoknow (10:46pm)
e_yazel: Why would hHal divulge such a thing directly, let alone over the airwaves? Th questioner would be better off reading Ms. Rowling. (10:47pm)
Dr. Penny: ROTFL (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: don (10:48pm)
e_yazel: ASk Hal about Time Travel. "Time Looping" ... that's more useful at any rate. (10:48pm)
e_yazel: "Philosopher's Stone" hah hah hah... (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: don't ROTF. you might get dirty. (10:49pm)
Dr. Penny: No need to ask about time travel when as SubGenius' we already are skilled in time control. (10:49pm)
e_yazel: The Philosopher's Stone is all around you. Yes, it is the Great Globe, Itself. (10:49pm)
e_yazel: AIn't that a terrific thought? (10:50pm)
e_yazel: Optimistic. Sure. (10:50pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: AeTZI -- The Angelic Stone (10:50pm)
reprobate recidivist retardoid: Hello... I am therefore I stink (10:52pm)
e_yazel: The Angelic Messages imparted to John Dee. Try those. (10:52pm)
reprobate recidivist retardoid: The Enochian Keys open the Gates of Hell, scheduled for Jan. 20 2013 -- Inauguration Day for the Obamanation of Desolation, the AntiBob (10:54pm)
e_yazel: Big deal. (10:54pm)
reprobate recidivist retardoid: A good deal, actually -- I sold what's left of your shriveled soul and got laid in the bargain (10:55pm)
e_yazel: Buy Hal some space. That's what he needs. (10:56pm)
reprobate recidivist retardoid: Hal -- put all those books in milk crates, put them under your bed, and keep on collecting till the floor collapses under the weight (10:57pm)
Dr. Penny: The key to the gateway is his pipe. (10:59pm)
e_yazel: I will not call in until they make some mistake regarding an old but mainstream Hollywood movie. And, no, I am not being snarky, the space comment is of great seriousness. (11:03pm)
Frank Ford Coppula: snarky is as snarky does -- and you are the very soul of such -- your psi stench reaches the way to Hollywood -- (11:09pm)
e_yazel: Uh... wha? (11:10pm)
Dr. Penny: Pete Goldie tile may well outlast the Puzzling Evidence app. (11:13pm)
Sad Sack: I apologize for all the mean statements I made previously -- I was overdosing on bath salts, but I'm ok now, even if you really are a negativistic ninny (11:33pm)
Dr. Penny: Fuck 'um if they can't take a joke. (11:34pm)
Sad Sack: On third thought, now that I've smoked some more "salt" -- you're a freakin' unowha' (11:36pm)
Dr. Penny: Ahhh the vapors. (11:43pm)
Dr. Penny: MLK day (11:46pm)
Marty King: adore me sucka (11:52pm)
Love Schmooze: why can't we all get along ? must I kill you in pre-emptive self defense ? Must I ? Ehh ? Riddle me that, you useless nibblers (11:56pm)
Kum Kardasian: Why aren't you talking about me ? I didnt get enough attention as a child. Now I need all I can get . Help me, please. (12:02am)
::::::::: insultant (1:54am)
::::::::: this show is striptegious (1:57am)

The Last Damn Show of the YEAR!
December 28, 2012 10:00pm
Dr. Hal and his guests get their pet peeves off their chests; it's a sort of stream-of-consciousness thing. With music and effects it is augmented, one suspects, just so they can have this periodic fling. If you find nothing the matter with their truly endless chatter, we invite you to tune in and stay awhile. We will seek that you aren't "burned" every single time you're turned to 87.9 on the dial. We like to hope that thereby doing you'll be easily pursuing the same tropes that occupy our own discourse.
But if that, indeed, is not the case, you needn't feel a loss of face-- especially, considering the source.

Chatroom History
December 28, 2012 10:00pm - 1:30am

nobodyouwantoknow: Come si fa a fare il medico, signore harold robins 1? Mi hanno detto che sei un maestro di alchimia. s? E 'una cosa vera? Sono uno studente del grande lavoro e ho bisogno del vostro consiglio ... Qualcuno mi aiuti per favore Iscriviti a me Sig. Borelli (10:41pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: ..... How do you do sir doctor harold robins 1? I am told you are a master of alchemy. yes ? Is this a true thing ? I am a student of the great work and I need your advice... Somebody help me please Sign me Mr Borelli (10:41pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: excuses avail ye naught -- give me a good reason to reason with you in a questionable mannerism (10:46pm)
Capt. Captain: Dammit, Get Hal a clean signal!!! (10:53pm)
Capt. Captain: Studen of the Great Joke here. (10:54pm)
Capt. Captain: Is there an engineer in the hizzy? (10:56pm)
Capt. Captain: Oh, immortal infancy, and innocency of the azure! Invisible winged creatures that frolic all round us! Sweet childhood of air and sky! (10:59pm)
Capt. Captain: TURN DOWN HAL'S MIKE INPUT!!!!! (10:59pm)
Capt. Captain: "Bob" Dobbs is a HOAX. (11:02pm)
Capt. Captain: There is no Wotan where I Am. (11:03pm)
Capt. Captain: I have attained to they key to the MWOWM anit-gate. Verily, the key IS his pipe. (11:05pm)
Capt. Captain: OM NAMAH SHIVAYA EYEYEYEYEYEYEYE!!!!! (11:07pm)
McSchmormac: crepuscular darkness! (11:11pm)
It's faco: Darkness (11:34pm)
::::::::: hal should be louder.. or the music should be turned down. (11:45pm)
teddy: show (11:50pm)
teddy: me (11:50pm)
::::::::: you got it backwards (11:51pm)
teddy: i am spartacus (11:55pm)
::::::::: i don't care.. i just want to crucify someone (11:55pm)
teddy: what is a Bobbie anyway? (11:58pm)
::::::::: more background cackling (12:00am)
teddy: i (12:03am)
teddy: throw (12:03am)
teddy: me (12:03am)
nobodyouwantoknow: Play "Misty" for me or kill me please pretty please (12:04am)
nobodyouwantoknow: to know me is to leave me asap. somebody help me please (12:08am)
nobodyouwantoknow: please translate "uhhh" for me. (12:09am)
::::::::: the d is silent (12:09am)
nobodyouwantoknow: into english or greek please (12:09am)
::::::::: storytellers got a sex change (12:10am)
lower case fate: I was a temple prostitute during the fall of rome and I can assure you the legionaires I copulated told a very different history, one of sordid slacious slathering SEX without radio (12:14am)
::::::::: legionnaires will say anything to get a fashionable disease from a roman prostitute (12:17am)
::::::::: (12:20am)
::::::::: i just want freedom to go away (12:23am)

LIVE Ask Doctor Hal! (The End Of The Show Show)
December 21, 2012 10:00pm
This was the live show. A lot of fun. Too tired to write summary.

And this:

Good Enough for Government Work
December 14, 2012 10:00pm
The next time there's going to be a live "Ask Dr. Hal! Show," it's here on the radio that you'll hear about it first. For other tips about the life to come, during and after the long-predicted Econoclasm, read between the lines of the fully decoded, transcribed version. Stock up on food and water. Always stop for a Red Flag Waving. And Stay on the Rails, No Matter What. Dental hygiene is also a "must." There're not many dentists in bomb craters! With Pete Goldie, KrOB and the whole crew. All aboard! --for adventure, thrills 'n' laffs galore. Safety first, fun second, and learn somethin' third.
Or, perhaps a different order should be followed...

Chatroom History
December 14, 2012 10:00pm - 2:30am

Hot Box: I luv dR hAl (11:01pm)
Hoboes: fuk u: , ok? (11:02pm)
Why Doc Penny not on catboX?: , huh? (11:13pm)
Wolfman: I Did NOT ROLL OVER!!!!!! (11:18pm)
Wolfman: ....but Dr Penny did. (11:21pm)
Dr Dime: TURN This Show AROUND!!!!!!!!!! (11:30pm)
Twinkie: this. (11:41pm)
and that: an ssuch (11:42pm)
Anchuss: is VICTORY! (11:43pm)
Anchuss: ShayStJohn (11:43pm)
Anchuss: What the phone #? (11:48pm)
and that: 415 692 7979 (11:53pm)
nobodyouwantoknow: Guten abend, mein herr Dr Hal. Ich bin Theophrastus von Hohenheim, und ich bin eine alchemistischer. Ich haben hearden du bist eine meister alchemistischer also ? Ich haben grosse needische ab dur hilfen, bisse. Canst du telle me ist der processen fur machenzie das PhilosophiscStone ? Hilfe me, please ! (11:55pm)
no, what's the on air #??: ok? (12:12am)
ok: ok. (12:20am)
monstar: thatswhatusay (12:51am)