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RUMINATIONS OF THE JACKAL BOY
July 31, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
RUMINATIONS OF THE JACKAL BOY
ON ANOTHER RE-RUN, ANOTHER SHOW... Here from the newly unsealed tomb of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show's September 6th 2019 episode is presented special Archival Material sent by Stang from SubGenius Headquarters, among other things. This includes Dr. H. Owll's audio x-cerpts from X-Day "2019" (there was of course no X-Day 2020, except various Zoom meetings, like everywhere else), but none, at the time, from the Starwood festival. That did turn up later. But is it all of colossal disinterest even to those who try to follow this level of esoterica? There will be more! More of these re-runs... How else can it be until we can do an honest show behind a microphone in the New Studio (presumably)? Here we have the poetry of Clark Ashton Smith and Dylan Thomas, among others, past fragments that today are offered to shore up our ruins. The Show's solo effort highlights here and there the Dark Side, the Hidden Side of our usual presentation. Ideally, we were not indiscreet. As for Zoom meetings, there will be an Ask Dr. Hal! live Webinar from the Church of the SubGenius, the second Sunday of every month, hosted by Pastor Pontius Pressure. Showtime will be 6 PM PST (9PM EST). The first one, coming up will be August 9th. Watch for the announcement, or cultivate SubGenius sites.

THE RELOADIO EXPERIMENT...
July 24, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE RELOADIO EXPERIMENT...
...TOOK PLACE DURING THIS VINTAGE EPISODE OF Ask Dr. Hal! Frustrated with the eternal uncertainties and problems surrounding the horrible barrier into the Impact Arts Hub RV studio, back in the time when this re-run was then a new show a-borning, Kisi App, and invited by Dr. Peter Goldie to use Reloadio's facilities, to broadcast in real radio as well as transmit our usual podcast, we thought we'd accept the invitation. The result? Results were... mixed; those who download will probably have to turn up the volume, according to more than one testy technical expert. Reloadio also hosted KrOB, Puzzling Evidence and Michael Peppe. Yes, we enjoyed the luxurious facility Reloadio offered, but were less pleased with the lack of control for the show available there. Still, this experiment may be repeated in the not-too-distant future, if the problems associated with the weak transmitted podcast signal can be resolved. Reloadio still stands, and is frequently tenanted by Plague-defying Puzzling Evidence and KrOB. Perhaps we will be heard there again "when this is all over" --whenever that may be...

JERRY LEWIS-- ATTACKED BY MONSTERS...
July 17, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
JERRY LEWIS-- ATTACKED BY MONSTERS...
...AS NOTED in the Podcast. Guest Stars Puzzling Evidence and Michael Peppe enlivened the proceedings after a solo first hour for Dr. H. Owll, who was until then playing Loop! Station and Shake Well, with interpolated recitations from Dylan Thomas. But with Puz-Ev came the trope of Movie Night, and it was that curious Independent film of yore THE FLESH EATERS which dominated, though sans sound. WE were the only soundtrack. RED PLANET MARS never got off the ground; perhaps insufficient respect for the career of the late Morris Ankrum from Mr. Peppe had something to do with that. Much was hashed over. This was six hours. But the present re-run is only three. The first three. Is the anecdotal justification for this Episode's title left in there anywhere? Well, once FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND, a most influential publication on future history, had that on its cover. Inside, the letdown was that editor Forrest "Forry" (or "4E") Ackerman, to validate the cover lingo, just printed a few pages of a monster rally from JERRY LEWIS comics. The real Jerry, in actuality, was undisturbed by this non-event. Yes, in the misty past we read both BOB HOPE comics and JERRY LEWIS comics-- and pronounced them good. In them, Jerry (and Bob) were often with the monsters. As are we.

COMPLETE VAMPIRE FIGHTING KIT
July 10, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
COMPLETE VAMPIRE FIGHTING KIT
IS ESSENTIAL FOR UNWANTED CONFRONTATIONS with the Undead. Mine needs a few new parts, and I guess it might be a good idea to replace the rather crumbly Blessed Host and the Sacramental wine capsule... The Show re-run waits, dreamless in its encrypted coffin, until it rises again in an accursed time of no new shows. Here, classically in this well-preserved specimen, guest star Puzzling Evidence reminisces. Poetry of Clark Ashton Smith and William Butler Yeats. Music of Loop! Station and from other sources. Edits by Phineas Narco. Archival recordings of Jeff Robins and other players no longer on the scene. An attempt to watch a movie fizzles. Are we there yet? 180 irreplaceable minutes.

SKULL OF AGRIOTHERIUM
July 3, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
SKULL OF AGRIOTHERIUM
THE GIGANTIC PREHISTORIC BEAR Agriotherium (and another "short-faced" bear, the Arctodus simus) is by any measure among the largest known members of terrestrial Carnivora. These "terror bears" had longer legs (and shorter faces) than other bears, and were more lightly built, even gracile-- by bear standards. Their wide, short jaws could generate enormous bite force. It is not certain how this tremendous force was used by the living animal; a study designed to determine how the genus fed discovered, intriguingly, that among living bears the lowest bite force belongs to the predatory Polar bear, which feeds largely on blubber, and the highest bite force belongs to the Giant Panda, a herbivore which uses it to crush bamboo. Oh, well-- shortened jaws with high bite forces are found in other mammals, like certain Gelada baboons that eat grasses but evolved from non-grazing ancestors. And you find them in bone-crushing scavengers, like jibbering Spotted Hyenas and slavering Borphagine dogs. This extinct Show has as much Animal Magnetism as may be derived-- from a re-run.

THE OPENER OF THE WAY
June 26, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE OPENER OF THE WAY
The story that starts this episode is from fictioneer Robert Bloch in full H.P. Lovecraft mode. You really have to be wary of curses and the mephitic stench of aeons-old Black Magic when messing around and opening some old, musty tomb. Or, you should never trespass in the Realm of the Dead to begin with. Problem solved! Not that any of that stuff never stopped US. We think there are probably laws on the books against possessing human remains. But, with all the Authorities have to deal with these days, it'll be a while before they get around to you, Tomb-robber. A genuinely frightening tale from the author of the novel PSYCHO, later made into a noted film (PSYCHO, that is, not The Opener of the Way). Well, there are definite signs of progress at the New Station site. But when will we move in? Who will be the Opener of the Way in this case? Until that fateful hour, only find re-runs here... Thanks and a flip of the excavator's theodolite to our friend and fan Mob Meattie of Washington, D.C. for his unexpected but welcome recent donation to our Great Work.

THE MULLOCK REPORT
June 19, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE MULLOCK REPORT
--AS IN MULLOCK, e.g. dirt, untidy leavings; a mess, in other words. A one-time sensation in the news landscape, the lengthy, closely watched inquiry — a case that seemingly engulfed the Drumpf Administration since its inception, leading to criminal charges against 34 sort-of people, including six former Drumpf cronies, hangers-on, associates and "advisers" was indeed Big News when the original of this re-run appeared in this space (April 19th, 2019). A senior Justice Department official who spoke on the condition of anonymity said the Special Counsel had not recommended any further indictments — a revelation that buoyed and electrically charged Drumpf’s more than Deplorable, volatile, hayseed, frothing, po'bucker supporters, even as other Drumpf-related investigations continued in other parts of the "Just-is" Department. It is also unclear whether a Mullock report that did not point to additional charges could have still hurt the Resident politically, or even, ideally, physically. One can dream. Meanwhile, in addition to such matters politico-historical, this episode of the hard-hitting Show featured poems by reclusive WEIRD TALES contributor, poet and author Clark Ashton Smith. In the Paleontology Report we discussed the newly-discovered prehistoric species Dynamoterror, Invictarx, Acantholipan, Jinyunpelta, Lingwulong and Mansourasaurus shahinae. Puzzling Evidence and KrOB made an appearance, but neither could be induced to say a word. They did, however, attach their equipment to the board, essentially disabling all Ask Dr. Hal! content and taking over the last two hours with their "Nose-Hair Lint-Gland"-type mixes, heard these days on neighboring Reloadio.

THE GRAVEYARD RATS
June 12, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE GRAVEYARD RATS
--AN EPISODE FROM OCTOBER 18th, 2019, was podcast originally as a lead-up to Halloween of that year. It was one of the first Ask Dr. Hal! shows to begin with a reading from the corpus of Supernatural Literature. The story is within the bailiwick of the Horror genre, an exercise in claustrophobic Grand Guignol, from American writer Henry Kuttner. One element of the gruesome narrative features, without backstory or explanation, a revenant, or re-animated corpse. Interestingly (to some, we must suppose) this trope precedes the films of George Romero, who in them virtually created that type of monster for the contemporary era. It is by no means the point of the story, just an added detail. Overall, the reading is an unapologetically morbid exercise-- which we concede. This sort of material caused some fans of the show to object to the grisly direction these introductory readings seemed to be taking. But such criticism was, however, overwhelmed by generally positive reactions from the majority of listeners who made their opinions known on the controversy. As long as circumstances prevent us from doing new and live podcasts, we must continue to present these "dead" re-runs as the only substitute we can offer. Will we escape to the surface, metaphorically, or be smothered, beneath the Graveyard of our hopes, by the crushing weight of the Pandemic?

THE QUEST FOR BLANK CLAVERINGI
June 5, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE QUEST FOR BLANK CLAVERINGI
WAS NOT THE ORIGINAL TITLE of this re-run from November 15th of 2019. The episode, Ask Dr. Hal! No. 31,667, originally bore the label, "Critics of the Show Speak Up." Those controversies do seem quaint in the Rear View Mirror of Time these days, especially since we are now painfully struck by the realization that even pejorative statements from those voices about our selections for presentation indicated an actual interest in the program, a willingness to engage with and follow our efforts. Now, of course, we are no longer in any way "live," in this Year of Grace, but just a skittering ghost, whose tinny echoes betray the etiolated nature of what remains we are able to offer. Oh, yes, the New Space (where, ideally, New Shows may go on) is coming, we are told. "And so is Christmas," as Dr. H. Owll's father used to say when urging him to greater celerity. As long as we can in this crisis, let us hold to our faith that the movement towards the realization of a true platform for new podcasts, though slow, is also steady, like that of the huge, deadly snails in Patricia Highsmith's story, and will, like them, eventually conclude in a long-anticipated consummation. We hope, then, that in the meantime the tale pleases those who are attending these re-runs, although as official policy we neither affirm or deny the existence of giant, man-eating snails.

BILLY AND TIMMY GO TO HELL
May 29, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
BILLY AND TIMMY GO TO HELL
--AND A DOUGHTY DOLLOP OF DOUBLE DAMNATION to those who dare to mock "Aunt Bertha's" bromides. The great Phineas Narco provided telling edits from some of the Children's Bible Hour (not affiliated with the Slackless Children's Dinosaur Fund) broadcasts back in the day. What Day? The Day that preceded the Night, the Endless Night in which we now live. Kids, if we've said it once we've said it six hundred and sixty-six times: Don't Mess With The Occult. No, really. You can't win. The odds are not in your favor. The House always collects. Look at Faust. Look at the late (Demon-chewed) Julian Karswell. And look at the poor, suffering, wispy, drifting, semi-transparent Ghost of the once-live Ask Dr. Hal! Show, doomed to perpetual torment in Adamantine Chains and Penal Fire. But, meanwhile, there is a distant sawing, a tapping... close by, many furtive, clandestine hands are secretly setting up... wait for it... The New Studio. Yes, THAT New Studio. Soon, if we get our sealed orders from Washington, there will be... new shows? The Future is an unknowable landscape, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies.

THE VISIT FROM V.J. PUSSYCAT
May 22, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE VISIT FROM V.J. PUSSYCAT
IS ANOTHER RE-RUN, this time from August 2nd, 2019. And so it goes. Meanwhile, the new studio space HAS been acquired by RV's tireless staff, and will soon be set up when... when "all this is over?" Ohh, nooooo... Well, we guess for now it's still re-runs, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies. But slowly, slowly, increment by increment, we creep toward an envisaged future day when we actually do some new shows. This one's from last summer. Thanks from all of us here at Ask Dr. Hal! for keeping the faith. Special thanks to the timely contribution of listener Rev. Deer Friend, a.k.a. C.A. Towns of Austin, Texas to the Slackless Children's Dinosaur Fund (SCDF). This donation has enabled us to add significantly to our collection of prehistoric animal sculpts, including the gigantic ancient elephantoform the Paleoloxodon, which some think lapped even the enormous Paraceratherium in size. Now the problem will be, where will we put it?

THE COCOON
May 15, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE COCOON
ORIGINALLY PODCAST NOVEMBER 19th, 2019, this re-run begins with Dr. H. Owll's reading of a short story, from the pantheon of frightening stories, that always scared the bejeezus out of him. It all started in the lead-up to Halloween of that year. Of course, these days every day is, yes, Halloween-- but not, however, in anything like a good way. We have to discourage consumption of candy, for example. But, if you're of a mind to, settle in and absorb this squirming concoction of Insect Fear by John B.L. Goodwin, from the late Ray Bradbury's unmatched anthology TIMELESS STORIES FOR TODAY AND TOMORROW. This one goes out to all who are "bugged" by their current circumstances, heh, heh...

INFLEXIBLE LOGIC, A STORY
May 8, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
INFLEXIBLE LOGIC, A STORY
BY RUSSELL MALONE, originally published in THE NEW YORKER in 1940, begins this re-run (but what else is possible?) episode, podcast back in the Impact Arts Hub days on December 6th, 2019. What if you assembled a bunch of chimpanzees, chained them in front of typewriters and let them bang away? According to the theory of mathematical probability, they would eventually write all the books in the British Museum. In the story, a rich man hears this bit of often-related trivia at a cocktail party and, fascinated, sets just that situation up. It doesn't end well, we are prompted to say. This story is found in the Ray Bradbury-edited anthology TIMELESS STORIES FOR TODAY AND TOMORROW. We wish we knew today when we might be able to do our show live again tomorrow. Whoever from our former audience is left to listen to these re-presented shows has our heartfelt thanks.

THE SOUND MACHINE
May 1, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE SOUND MACHINE
BY ROALD DAHL, a famous short story performed by Dr. H. Owll, leads off this re-run episode originally podcast, in pre-Pandemic days, just before the end of 2019, on December 27th. The idea that plants and trees use sound beyond the threshold of human perception to communicate, the literary conceit animating this tale, has proven to be TRUE in recent years. Trees, plants and insects constantly send signals to each other-- that's been scientifically understood for awhile. But the most recent investigations into infra-sound are now showing that flowers DO scream when clipped or picked, for example. Yes, it's all about the auditory medium here on the show, where we wait to get going again with real, live shows in vain. It's a matter of faith, we suppose. Either Radio Valencia will return in full or it will remain a group of people playing music remotely, from home. The Ask Dr. Hal! Show thanks everyone still listening to these performances. Listening...

THE HOUNDS OF TINDALOS
April 24, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
THE HOUNDS OF TINDALOS
THIS RE-RUN-- because what could it be but another re-run? --appeared in its original form not too long ago. In fact, it was the last live show we did, on January 17th of this year. In addition to performing Lovecraft Circle-aligned Frank Belknap Long's story, we hosted the vivacious Spy Emerson and the beautiful Jennalex as guests. This was at the late, but not that lamented Impact Arts Hub, just before the Impact of that selfsame shifty and cryptic organization laid us low, pushing us into a ditch whose sides have turned out to be too muddy to allow us to climb up and out of it without assistance, which aid circumstances have yet, to date, to offer.

ROBO-DJ RAMPAGE
April 17, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
ROBO-DJ RAMPAGE
THIS "EPISODE" actually contains NO Ask Dr. Hal! Instead, a cybernetically selected potpourri of different Radio Valencia shows is heard, the content of these mostly music of various kinds... To hear an actual Ask Dr. Hal! show, try downloading the show listed before, or right after, this one. As for what may be heard in this space, the presentation features what it sounds like when NO Ask Dr. Hal! show is to be heard on the station. To be fair, this all came about because when the time was pending for us to select the usual re-run to be played, that didn't happen. In short, we just... forgot to do it. It is difficult to sustain interest in the entire enterprise, you see, when we're only able to offer recycled previous episodes of dubious audio quality. And yet, we still sustain some hope that the night will come when we can, as in pre-Pandemic days, once again offer up a fresh, crisp and previously unheard entree of... whatever it is that we do. Beware! The Robot Revolution is here!

BETTIE PAGE MEETS THE WOLFMAN
April 10, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
BETTIE PAGE MEETS THE WOLFMAN
YES, ANOTHER DING-DANGED RE-RUN. What can we say? Is it enjoyable? Entertaining? Does the sound quality preclude listening pleasure? We know some listen. But all must wait for the Interdict to end, and we cannot do any new shows, though some are prepared, until we can physically get into Radio Valencia's new space and that aforementioned space has been set up and made viable. This show was from September 23rd, 2016. Yes, pre-Trump-- by nine days. A different world, now longingly viewed through the haze of nostalgia. Yog-Sothoth, bring this mess to an end.

AT HOME WITH THE MUNSTERS
April 3, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
AT HOME WITH THE MUNSTERS
A RE-RUN SHOW from September 23rd, 2016. Ah, what a pleasure it was then to do live shows. Supposedly, "someday," the opportunity to continue will reappear. Until then, we are frozen in place in icy stasis, unable to reach friends and fans of the show. But it does hearten us greatly, during this eternal winter, to hear that many are still huddled listening to these re-runs. We are more than glad that they somehow continue on their mission to entertain. And-- a tip of the Dr. Hal chapeau to faithful fellow traveler and listener Mob Meattie of Washington, DC, whose unexpected contribution (to the Slackless Children's Dinosaur Fund) helps us spiritually, as well as financially, during an uneasy confinement. We doff the ADH Fez to you, sir, dear friend. And so... now we offer this former podcast, with its visit to 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Not all the Munsters happened to be home, but Herman-- Herman was hospitable and friendly, as he tends to be.

PEDANTRY UNDER THE DOME--
March 27, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
PEDANTRY UNDER THE DOME--
ANOTHER RE-RUN--WHAT ELSE? Without a physical Studio, shows like ours, with incidental music and guests, simply can't go on. Maddeningly, the same desultory talk still persists about how a great new space is coming, et cetera... The aforementioned Space, you may have heard, is right next to the ultra-groovy Make-Out Room. Ooh! That'll bring us lots of attention. Except... well, there happens to be a pandemic going on. The owners of the Make-Out have left the state, and there is NO indication that that club will ever come back and re-open, along with everything else which we will look for in vain after the fading of the Coronavirus. There is an ongoing (Republican) economic coup, and an inevitable Depression is headed our country's way; using the shutdown as an excuse the wealthiest and most ruthless will take away everything that isn't nailed down, as is their usual wont. Expect a push to transfer all remaining commercial interaction to the Digital world. Meanwhile, ominously, more RV-ers are getting comfortable with shooting their shows in remotely, an option unavailable to some of us. Frankly, it doesn't look good. Just the same, as you can see, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies, we're still holding on for the time being, daring to hope that there is a way out of this impasse that won't result in our taking our show to somewhere else, perhaps in the realm of actual radio. This episode was originally podcast back in April 28th, 2017, and features, among others, the much-abused Goldies, the late Pete and Frau G., Sarah Zee. The low audio quality is nothing we can do anything about. For legal reasons, the Management likes it that way. Find the shows we're now doing on Friday nights these days, such as they are, on Reloadio, by going to Reloadio on Facebook. Good luck!

FUNNY-- YOU DON'T LOOK KAIJU-ISH
March 20, 2020 10:00pm

 

Ask Dr Hal
FUNNY-- YOU DON'T LOOK KAIJU-ISH
AND SO, WITH NO END IN SIGHT TO THE PLAGUE outside, or to the lasting absence of a Radio Valencia studio-- possibly, says the rumor mill, we'll re-open in May? --what we have here is, as you have guessed, yet another re-run. But what else can we do? THANKS, by the way, to all those who are still listening to these. Would that the audio quality were better. But it can't be. Legally, as it turns out. Because: copyright. Yes, the world of computers does not allow for "Fair Use," as we used to call it. Under the inflexible tyranny of digital ubiquity-- get used to it! --NO music can be played in a form that is reproducible from the listening end. Of course, here at ADH, music is mainly an effect-- part of what we offer and not the ne plus ultra, the be-all and the end-all. But we have to wear the same chains as everyone else. Why, I tell you there are whole towers full of usually young, usually bearded, usually ectomorphic, young-ish men whose ENTIRE FUNCTION is to monetize whatever used to be free. These are what your soi-dissant "tech" workers are usually up to. The ability of the ultra-rich to make themselves ultra-richer trumps (an appropriate expression) any claim of literature, art or civilization. The humanities are merely fuel for their bonfire. Well, Sir or Madam, this episode was originally podcast May 26th, 2017, when the late Dr. Peter Goldie was still permitted to contribute to the station. Only yesterday... Keep a-listenin', O faithful ones, Etherettes and Rocket Rookies. One of these days we'll emerge from our long slumber, unfold, spread and dry our new wings and take to the sky...


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