NINTH CALIPH of the race of the Abassides, the son of Motassem and the grandson of Haroun-Al-Raschid, who, for the sake of empty Pomp and forbidden Power, sullied Himself with a thousand Crimes, gained Admission as Devotee and Guest to the Subterranean Palace of Fire, the Realm of Eblis, and in so doing became a Prey to Grief without End, and Remorse without Mitigation; whilst the humble and despis'd Gulchenrouz passed whole Ages in undisturb'd Tranquillity, and the pure Happiness of Childhood. Such was, and such should be, the Punishment of unrestrain'd Passions, and atrocious Actions. Such is, and such should be, the Chastisement of blind Ambition, that would Transgress those Bounds which the Creator hath prescribed to human Knowledge, and by aiming at Discoveries reserved for pure Intelligence, acquire that infatuated Pride which perceiveth not that the Condition appointed to Man is-- TO BE HUMBLE AND IGNORANT. Also, various poems and poetic fragments, anecdotes and newly mixed archival material from the era of Puzzling Evidence.

WITH PUZZLING EVIDENCE, KrOB AND DR. H. OWLL. The show followed the St. Stupid's Day Parade, scene of earlier participation. Follow the trains of thought here over trestles and bridges, through tunnels and switch yards. These collaborations will eventually be heard from Reloadio's new Studio, now completing construction.

Oh, the buzzin' of the bees by the cigarette trees--
The soda water fountain,
Where the lemonade springs and the bluebird sings
In that Big Rock Candy Mountain.

IN OUR EXPERIMENTAL PRESENTATION OF BECKFORD'S NOVEL. OPENING Poem by Byron. News of the next day's (April 1st) St. Stupid's Day Parade. Dr. H. Owll's probable travel itinerary to perform in other states. Announcement of live shows with KrOB in May (at the Ocean Room, 350 Ocean Avenue on Saturday nights). No visit from KrOB takes place during this episode, however (Nor did he appear at the Parade the next day, for KrOB is, as we say, an Owl, not a Lark). More of the VATHEK narrative includes Nouronihar's seduction, Carathis's evil plan to make of the guileless Gulchenrouz a human sacrifice to her favorite malignant demonic powers-- and the rather surprising revelation that the fifty children thrown to the fiend known only in our text as the Giaour, or Infidel, in a previous episode, were not slain but instead rescued by a roving benevolent Genius (spirit). The beautiful Nouronihar, daughter of the emir Fakreddin, begins to be corrupted by Vathek and is entertained, not horrified, by the deliberate scourging and mutilation of visiting holy sages by Vathek's eunuchs, at his order. What a story, eh? Next week we descend, literally, into the supernatural realm of Eblis himself. And for all who find this tale less than compelling, take heart-- we are almost through with it. Programming note: don't miss our post-St. Stupid's Day Reloadio show early Sunday morning...

RELOADIO speculates on future projects and prospects. Puzzling Evidence, Dr. H. Owll and KrOB spend some congenial hours. This, like other episodes, can be accessed at https://reloadio.godaddysites.com/ Meanwhile, we speak of the upcoming unofficial and un-Permitted St. Stupid's Day Parade on April 1st. What could possibly go wrong? And we speak of the unfortunate lack of ubiquity of Pie Shops. These shows are sonic creations whipped up in situ by KrOB. They are temporarily hosted here by the Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio Valencia. Operations will be transferred soon, before long, to Reloadio's spanking new Studio.

WITH KrOBIAN INTERLUDE FOLLOWING, or, Broken Equipment, but Unbroken Spirit-- or something of the like. VATHEK, our continuing presentation, was originally written in French, of which its style is said to be a model by those who know. The translation presented here, not by the author himself, but by the annotator we refer to, the Very Reverend Samuel Henley, was originally published in 1786. We like it, of course, for its distinctive quality of Supernatural interest and grandeur. It is a matter of interest (to us) that much of the description of Vathek’s palace presented in the novel, and even the renowned Hall of Eblis, described in a part we have not yet reached, was afterwards visibly embodied in the real Fonthill Abbey, of which strange and similar wonders, almost as fabulous, were at one time reported and believed. This Fonthill Abbey, which had been destroyed by fire, and re-built during the lifetime of Wm. Beckford the elder, was, on account of its bad site, demolished, and again rebuilt under our author's superintendence himself, with an assist by James Wyatt, Esq., the architect, with a magnificence that excited the greatest attention and wonder at the time. Now, the distinguishing architectural peculiarity of Fonthill Abbey was a lofty tower, 280 feet tall. This tower was strangely similar to the one described in “VATHEK,” and shows how strong a hold the idea had upon his mind. In this episode we read about how Bababalouk, the chief of his eunuchs, was teased by the beautiful women of the Caliph's harem, who all had gone along with him on his expeditionary search for the realm of the evil Efrit who had offered him the prospect of secret and unholy knowledge. These dazzling women rushed nude from their bath, water streaming from their gleaming bodies, and tossed the portly eunuch on a swing, which then snapped under his weight and precipitated him into the bath, where he became entangled in, and weighed down with, sopping-wet towels. The story continues after this quasi-comedic vignette-- until the sudden appearance of KrOB, who stays with the program to the end. Next week we continue...

BY THE REVEREND Samuel Henley, who translated the novel first into English (from the French), in 1786, with additional Commentaries by the Rev. Abijah Hoadley, Congregational Minister. About the substance of this novel it is well to quote Charles Lamb from his WITCHES AND OTHER NIGHT-FEARS: “Gorgons, and Hydras, and Chimaeras—dire stories of Celaeno and the Harpies—may reproduce themselves in the brain of superstition—but they were there before. They are transcripts, types—the archetypes are in us, and eternal. How else should the recital of that which we know in a waking sense to be false come to affect us at all? Is it that we naturally conceive terror from such objects, considered in their capacity of being able to inflict upon us bodily injury? O, least of all! These terrors are of older standing. They date beyond body—or without the body, they would have been the same. . . . That the kind of fear here treated is purely spiritual—that it is strong in proportion as it is objectless on earth, that it predominates in the period of our sinless infancy—are difficulties the solution of which might afford some probable insight into our ante-mundane condition, and a peep at least into the shadowland of pre-existence.” Next week we will continue to follow the protagonist of this novel as he descends into the supernatural horror of irredeemable evil, in our third reading. Hey, Kids! Don't miss the online performance of the first Ask Dr. Hal! show of this year, the night of Sunday, March 19th! The program begins at 6:00 PM. Watch at www.askdrhalshow.com --and then visit our post-show chat room! (Not affiliated with Radio Valencia)

AN ARABIAN TALE, From an Unpublished Manuscript, or, The History of the Caliph Vathek, with Notes Critical & Explanatory, by the Rt. Rev. Samuel Henley-- by William Beckford, published 1786 (in French), 1787 in English. Let's hear from Joe Landsdale: "VATHEK is white-hot crazy... [a] dream that feels like an episode from the ARABIAN NIGHTS with a Gothic nightmare inside of it... The hero... one Caliph Vathek... denounces Islam and... sets out to obtain great supernatural powers and everlasting life. All this, of course, involves a Satanic pact, as well as a travelogue of dark exploration, culminating in what might be described as an examination of the lower regions of Hell... ...[T]his novel... allows us to tour places most of us wouldn't want to go, but don't mind seeing through a kind of literary glass, like visiting an aquarium and observing a shark enjoy chunks of bleeding meat at mealtime. [Vathek]... is humorous for awhile, then less so, and finally so strange it nears running off the rails and tumbling into an abyss... Even its failures are grand and stimulating, like watching a boxer who is knocked down repeatedly, continue to rise from the mat and keep on swinging." Today, a French-criticism inspired, insufferable elite, denounce this book and others for being about a foreign culture yet from a different culture. Such tropes and ideological rigidities will not concern us, so beware! We'll read this book at every show's beginning until it's done. NOTE: I was quite wrong about the date of my own oncoming online show, which is somehow both on Zoom and Twitch. Perhaps on Zoom through Twitch? It's not this coming Sunday-- it's NEXT Sunday, on March 19th! 6:00 PM out here on the Coast; we're starting an hour earlier to appease complaints from our East Coast listeners.

NOPE. That is the opinion of this show, for the record. We get there, after traveling across a spectrum of many variegated subjects and Poetick Recitations. No guests this time. No guests, but much following along, according to the Chatterbox records. We advertise our upcoming Zoom/Twitch show on March 11th. To recap what's often mentioned, these shows are always on the Second Sunday of the month they're in. This year we only do four, and what's coming is the first of these Quarterly episodes. How sad we were to discover that most of our archived shows are no longer available for download-- some sort of "Computer Glitch" has thrown away everything before 2021, and only SOME of these programs are there for that year. Download while U can, folks. But! A certain Rev. Filius asserts that HE recorded them all and can provide them as well as KrOB's similarly Lost Shows. If this is true, it encourages us to continue with this whatever-it-is despite the dispiriting influence of unheard complaints, (still) un-fixed broken equipment and audio pollution from an overwhelming tide of mediocre music. Not "RV's" regular programming-- but un-insulated leakage through the thin wall between our Studio and the rumbustious, next-door Make Out Room... NOTE: The Zoom'Twitch Ask Dr. Hal! shows aren't going away any time soon. THEY are preserved with the best back-up systems-- and back-ups on the back-ups, as Professor Nathaniel P. Wingate would say. These are FREE to download. What's stopping you?

YOU KNOW THE TYPE. Face always trained on the inevitable Distraction Device-- anything to avoid introspective thought --spine permanently curved forward like a backwards question mark... yet Clark Aston Smith's THE HUNTERS FROM BEYOND got to some of 'em, we hear... Yes, poor Zombot, there may be other worlds than ours which lie very close by, alien and malignant. That loosely encapsulates the tenor of this particular episode, which includes Smith's entire story. Everyone seems to have heard of (H.P.) Lovecraft and (R.E.) Howard, but the amazingly poetic and brilliant autodidact Smith doesn’t have the same literary ubiquity. A talented poet, painter, and sculptor, Smith made his biggest impact with his macabre fantasy and science-fiction short stories. But his unique style and themes could never make him widely popular. One of his greatest admirers, Ray Bradbury, said that Smith was “a special writer for special tastes; his fame was lonely... Every writer is special in some way, and those who are more than ordinarily special are either damned or lost along the way.” Thankfully, Clark Ashton Smith has never been fully lost. Many modern fantasy writers list him as an influence, and a handful of publishers keep his stories in print. He is often featured right here via Dr. H. Owll's promotion via the reading of his works. Also, much of secret lore, for those who can take it...

--THE LATEST iteration of the ever-evolving creation of the Puzzling Evidence-KrOB-Dr. H. Owll sensation. It's a somewhat-long presentation which perhaps lacks orientation. We are without Sarah Goldie, our traditional Hostess, while Reloadio's new high-tech Studios are still under construction. However, until the upcoming time we swing into action in our special Redoubt, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show will host these fully downloadable podcasts. For those just experiencing them, we say it's unwise to expect that the offering found here will be in any way organized; it's rather an improvisation session of significant length. Stay with it after it starts, and you may eventually find yourself in somewhat familiar territory. Dip in your toe, and you may stay to swim with us.

WHEREIN, by Occasion of the Religious Death of Mistress Elizabeth Drury, the Incommodities of the Soule in this her Life, and her Exaltation in the Next, are contemplated. This towering and lengthy Seventeenth Century work by Mr. John Donne, the Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral in London and the Founder of the School of Metaphysical Poets, marks the start of our five hours. Again, speaking of Incommodities, we had, still, only minimal use of the damaged and broken CD player we need to present our usual performance. But mighty KrOB made a welcome and unexpected appearance, bringing not just himself but a bottle of Industrial Strength Peach Soda to refresh our flagging spirits. We hoisted it in enduring defiance of Scott Weiner's disapproval. From that point on it is our belief that the show really takes on new life. We were able to use all of the ability the equipment provided. The full (and lengthy) poem is alien to contemporary thought, being an artifact of the Age of Faith. As ever, we make a few inevitable errors, but the text is mostly clearly recapitulated with its meaning intact. With superb skill, Mr. Donne examines theological, philosophical and scientific thought of his day on the subject of Death and Transfiguration, and looks far beyond that in this marvelous work, which, it must be admitted, we knew would not be warmly received even by members of our small but devoted audience. First we bless our launch with a sonnet by our Muse, Clark Ashton Smith. After the poetry, the usual meandering pedantry carries us forward to KrOB's manifestation.

While Reloadio's new studios are under construction, these episodes, fully downloadable from the temporary host, the Ask Dr. Hal! Podcast Page on Radio Valencia, are recorded, when they occur. Join KrOB, Puzzling Evidence and, until 4:30 AM, Dr. H. Owll for a pure slice of Show without formal beginning and ending. Among other tropes, we explore the career of Virginia Christine, TV's quondam Folger's Instant Coffee shill "Mrs. Olson." The whole is a sonic tapestry only KrOB and Puzzling Evidence can serve up. A personal note: one hates to speak over such intricately woven needlepoint tapestries of sound, so we often end up just listening in the RV Studio... Four listenable hours can be found here.

ALONG WITH THE DETERIORATING EQUIPMENT at RV. As to the latter, we were not even able to play our introductory theme music. It's getting worse and worse, this dilapidated concatenation of contraptoids-- but we'll soldier on as long as we can... There is a Fundraiser for the station coming up in the Make-Out Room. That's February 26th, starting at Noon. Let's hope, if funds are raised in any meaningful way, that the Powers That Be devote any attention to the devices we need to continue this enterprise. And the former? Despite the attendance of Jett and KrOB, despite the presence of various refreshments including industrial strength Banana Soda, the film SHIN GODZILLA turned out to be an unexpected bore, worthy of but a snore. The dubbed soundtrack consisted principally of lengthy political and bureaucratic meetings, with side notes about modern Japan's relationship vis-a-vis the United States and the inherent ineptitude of political leaders. Folks, I'm making it sound more interesting than it was, which was not much-- to those anticipating rip-roaring Monster Movie action. You can't narrate what is essentially non-stop narration; trying to speak over continuous stultifying dialogue is a loser's game. Oh, the titular monster did make an appearance, let's just say that the magic didn't appear to happen. Although we did not show the announced co-feature ATTACK OF THE MUSHROOM PEOPLE, a.k.a. MATANGO, let alone BIG MAN JAPAN, those pictures may still get the Ask Dr. Hal! treatment-- after we have had a chance to reassemble our afflicted powers (to quote Satan appropriately). The next night the Reloadio session was (slightly) more lively. Well, nobody bats 1000. Remember: our Zoom/Twitch interactive show will be happening soon on March 19th at 6 PM Pacific Time (we're starting it early)! Join us there at https://gonzotronics.net/adh/

THE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW stands atop a mighty monument of a near half-century of improvisatory broadcasts. It represents a continuation of these and a tradition of newly created material in an elder pattern. The show these words accompany is a single effort. No guests were present. At such times, we at Ask Dr. Hal! rely on our ever-dependable font of recorded show progenitors-- in essence, Archival Material, courtesy of the convoluted constructions, the edifying edits of Puzzling Evidence, whose eponymous Show accorded us our last presence on actual radio. Receiving some of these, we employed them, adding a single layer of contemporary commentary. Intermittently we played, when the deteriorating equipment would permit, musicks from our carefully assembled accumulation. Poems are here, including some unlikely candidates.

--NOT EASY TO USE, but necessary to employ for Fashion or Art.. The Destroy Art show in North Beach on February 4th, the Edwardian Ball on that same date, the various appearances of The Rocker of Abundance which is Dawn Jian's creation-- all are public events. In no way are these Zoom Meetings or other pseudo-appearances, but actual, full-blooded attend-able events; interaction on the true and human level and not some sort of anemic digital succedaneum. The genuine artistic impulse may not long be diverted, you see, even in a time of somatic-- and spiritual-- pathology. We hear from Dr. Penny in a personal call. More should contact us in this fashion, since it is possible. Some attention is paid to Joseph Smith and his Magic Peepstone, as we mention the occult art of scrying. We hope to return to our previous level of high facility when the barely-functioning equipment here is finally replaced. We present a solo show of precisely three hours in length, since we had no guests to extend it this time. We give a shout-out to the Dobbstown Mirror SubGenius newspaper and provide information. We conclude with a partial recitation of Macaulay's Horatius at the Bridge... Next week we'll be attending the noted Edwardian Ball in S.F. Future shows may include a visit from Dawn Jian, a blow-by-blow narration of SHIN GODZILLA avec Jett, an enthusiast of the Kaiju genre, and readings from the works of the great Charles G. Finney, perhaps his THE LIFE AND DEATH OF A WESTERN GLADIATOR. So, life is good.

--THE SECOND RELOADIO feature hosted/posted here along with episodes of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, while Reloadio's spacious new studios are under construction... KrOB, Puzzling Evidence and Dr. H. Owll spend the lengthy interlude casting sonic pebbles into the audio stream. An artistic delay. a crafted echo, repeats all words multiple times, so every utterance may ultimately be apprehended. Musical variations also occur. The show outlasts the noisy dance music and the walla-walla-ing crowd. It generates its own noise, which you shall hear.

--OR, FUNNY, YOU DON'T LOOK KAIJU-ISH featured Special Guests Jett and KrOB in a lengthy night (6 hours) of narrating two (2) Japanese "Giant Monster" movies in Real Time. THE WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS (Japanese: フランケンシュタインの怪獣 サンダ対ガイラ, Hepburn: FURANKENSHUTAIN NO KAIJU: SANDA TAI GAIRA, literally "Frankenstein's Monsters: Sanda vs. Gaira") was directed by Ishirō Honda, with special effects by Eiji Tsuburaya (the team that created the original GODZILLA [GOJIRA] and progeny). Referred by film historian Stuart Galbraith IV as a "quasi–sequel" to FRANKENSTEIN VS BARAGON, called in the U.S. FRANKENSTEIN CONQUERS THE WORLD, this was a Japanese-American co-production; it was the third and final collaboration between Toho Co., Ltd. and low-rent quick-buck producer Henry G. Saperstein. Starring as the inevitable American was Russ "Tom Thumb" Tamblyn, joining an all-Japanese cast including the lovely Kumi Mizuno and Kenji Sahara, with, in the monster suits, Yû Sekida as Sanda and Haruo Nakajima as Gaira. In the film, scientists investigate the sudden appearance of two giant, hairy quasi-human monsters that starts with an incongruous battle between a colossal octopus and a hirsute, greenish Cyclopean humanoid and culminates, as one would expect, in in a real estate-destroying free-for-all battle in beleaguered Tokyo. Actually, not Tamblyn, but none other than Tab Hunter was originally hired by Saperstein, in choosing to replace Nick Adams (from the previous Frankenstein film). However, Hunter was replaced by Tamblyn at some time during pre-production. A greater difficulty came when Honda's contract was not renewed, and the effects craftsman had to seek employment by speaking to Tanaka on a film-by-film basis. Honda, Saperstein, and chief assistant Seiji Tani noted that Tamblyn was difficult to work with. The cocky Tamblyn, the story goes, often did the exact opposite of Honda's instructions, improvising his lines at times without Honda's approval. Principal photography began in May 1966 and wrapped in June 1966, with effects work concluding in July, 1966. THE WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS was theatrically released in Japan on July 31st of that year, followed by a release in the United States on July 29, 1970 on a double feature with MONSTER ZERO. Since its appearance, the movie has come to be regarded in some quarters as a cult classic, drawing admiration from such enthusiasts as Brad Pitt, Quentin Tarantino, Guillermo del Toro and Tim Burton. The song, "The Word gets Stuck in my Throat" became one often performed in the Seventies and Eighties stateside by Punk bands. Thanks are due and go out to the Reverend Angry Larry of Weirdsville Records, who unexpectedly mailed us the complete GARGANTUAS soundtrack on disc. Then, following our indulgence in Gargantuan exploits, we transferred our critical attentions to SHIN ULTRAMAN, the modern re-boot of the popular TV series about a giant robot-like figure who regularly wrestles with a plethora of improbable monsters. The evening's festivities, it must be noted, were psychedelically augmented by mushroom ingestion. The molecular structure of psilocybin, a naturally occurring psychedelic compound found in aptly named "magic mushrooms," allows it to penetrate the central nervous system and re-configure or "sort out" the brain. Poetry heard in this Ask Dr. Hal! episode included that of Clark Ashton Smith, Harry S. Robins and George Gordon, Lord Byron.

THROUGH A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT WITH THE ASK DR. HAL! Show, while Reloadio's new Studios are under construction we will host those productions here. Listen to Dr. H. Owll, KrOB and Puzzling Evidence create a sonic tapestry with their well-honed experience. Not as... verbal as the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, Reloadio may be-- probably is-- more entertaining for most (nearly all) listeners. At any rate, now you can download and replay this stuff at your leisure! Great to have on while doing your Income Tax forms or writing your will. No, just kidding. We're going to do these for a while-- at least, that's the plan...

AND OTHER Ruminations-- this particular program features, or, depending upon your point of view, is unfavorably distinguished by, a certain percentage of oft-told tales. Dr. H. Owll is aware that he... tends to repeat himself. Awright, the spider story comes up every now and them, OK? You don't have to listen. But perhaps if you do you may yet find a curious value in their reiteration. Also Clark Ashton Smith, Robert Bly... and KrOB! Yes, KrOB actually kame in this time. It was right in the middle of the spider story, in fact. Well, Sir or Madam, we didn't get Jett as we anticipated (see next week) but we had a fine time with KrOB. The refrigerator bulged with banana juice, with which we toasted future plans. The very next light we hosted Reloadio-- now that can also be heard (and downloaded) after the fact.

OR, CREATURES from the Margins. In this program we examine Giant Serpents of yore, companions of Leviathan. Big Monsters seem to be a recurring theme (one of many) on the show. We look in again on the historic X-Day in Florida at the Land of Id, a Nudist resort. Look, that is, through the audio medium of this podcast. The name Leviathan means "twisted in folds" --and so are we all at the late hours the show runs. Next week we hope to bring back Jett, our previous collaborator on many of these whatever-they-ares. We prominently feature the soundtrack to THE WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS, sent to us by the Reverend Angry Larry from the Church of the SubGenius, and from Weirdsville Records. KrOB never did come in to drink his Banana Juice.