When people we respect suddenly alert us to a meme that has been overlooked, with the warning "NO MORE PODCAST EPISODES ABOUT THE CARPET AT PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, OR I WILL KILL YOU", well, what is a podcaster who is definitely not a low power FM broadcaster to do? Not to worry, dear listener, because tonight will truly be the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND because that Russian spacecraft is going to crash directly into our transmitter on Corona Heights. WIN-WIN, biatches!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: In the event of a transmitter failure, a pre-recorded program on the PDX carpet will be streamed.

Chatroom History
April 29, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

vj pussycat: joni's not dead. yet. (10:08pm)
ken: Music For Carpets (10:08pm)
tomaramadingdong: love Joni, and carpets, and amway (10:09pm)
ken: http://bit.ly/1GJz7bb (10:28pm)
Karen Carpenter: http://bit.ly/1GJzcvp (10:29pm)
ken: I can hear Roman Mars' dulcet tones (10:33pm)
ken: I said no such thing (10:48pm)
ken: speaking of carpet: http://bit.ly/1GJB8nO (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: I just left reno. love that peppermill carpet! (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: I compare all casino carpets to the peppermill (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: does the carpet at pdx match the drapes? (10:58pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I concur with Puzzling Evidence being a shining beacon of guesthood. (11:09pm)
vj pussycat: hi kiko (11:13pm)
Dr. Fiasco: hey jamie (11:17pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I just put the anchor babies to sleep (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: aww they're Sooo cute (11:21pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I just tried to call and your phone ain't ringing (11:24pm)
Dr. Fiasco: 415 962 7979 right? Nothing. (11:27pm)
Karen Carpenter: http://bit.ly/1OHb0hI (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: ow combustion (11:42pm)

In a world where no one is safe from capricious emperors, Old Testament gods, natural calamities, corrupt border police, flooded submarines, pirates, inept air traffic control, military school brats, western outlaws, power-mad Tutor kings, dying plankton, football fans, skyjackers, big city gamblers, three or more musketeers, jealous suitors, Confederate prisoners, zombies and ants, there comes a man whose chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, political activism and baritone voice will stand and have the last word. Most of the time. Well, sometimes. OK, ok... in at least one disaster film, John Carter (better known by his totally fake name "Charleton Heston") gets to do the HESTON REVEAL, which is immediately followed by audience gasps. Just like in every FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with incidental background victims Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It's made of people.

Chatroom History
April 22, 2015 10:00pm - 1:26am
vj pussycat: charlton heston put his vest on (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: http://bit.ly/1bxWJm5 (10:11pm)
revpeas: is it good show (10:21pm)
revpeas: ?????? (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: it is (10:22pm)
revpeas: ok then (10:22pm)
revpeas: yes e.g. robinson was in the greatest story ever told (10:22pm)
revpeas: scribe (10:22pm)
revpeas: blue striped headress (10:23pm)
revpeas: see here moses (10:23pm)
nexus006: Moses says hell yeah I wanna hear a trach. (11:01pm)
ken: first raspberry pi and now countersinking? this feels like home. (11:31pm)

A FLAT TAX FOR A FLAT EARTH, Tonight on Radio Valencia!

This Flat Earth is the only known world in existence. Moses, all the prophets, Jesus Christ, all affirm Earth Center of the Universe Flat and does not whirl around Radio Valencia.

Gen 1.1: God created the world was without form and void. (Had no shape just water forever and no land.) Land created is sitting in and on the water. World without end or edge.

North is the center of the World, an ice ring surrounding the known world, and no one -- not even Karen Carpenter or Sherilyn Connelly -- knows what is beyond the cold and dark of the south. The FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is the oldest society existing on radio today, and it began with the creation of the Flat Earth. George Washington knew the Earth Flat. USA founded as a Flat Earth Nation. The round spinning ball superstition is subversive.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Heaven is a place above Flat Earth, could be about 4,000 miles, and they have a tax system with a constant marginal rate, usually applied to individual or corporate income.

Chatroom History
April 15, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
tracy: This could be me... (10:30pm)
tracy: Is that a parrot in the background? (10:32pm)
tracy: The parrot is saying "shut up" (10:34pm)
tracy: Kundalini? (10:34pm)
tracy: Dang it... You made me wiki Kundalini... (10:36pm)
tracy: Dod the parrot just say "crackpot?" (10:37pm)
tracy: "There was some information I found on the internet once" Thats so beautiful, I wanna cry. (10:38pm)
tracy: "Its an entire town of Frank Chu (10:39pm)
tracy: he has some great words (10:40pm)
tracy: "Crackpot" (10:41pm)
tracy: This is killin me (10:45pm)
tracy: I am changing my name to "Kundalini" (10:46pm)
tracy: Kundalini Feldstein (10:46pm)
tracy: I'm going Kundalini on your ass (10:48pm)
tracy: http://bit.ly/1CNgE6T (10:50pm)

Dear Radio Valencia Disc Jockey Candidate,

Congratulations, your application to become a Radio Valencia DJ has been approved! Your weekly program, "VD Talk", will be the 6am-8am morning drive time slot each Sunday. Soon as you have passed your physical examination and we have conducted a background check, your start date will be assigned.

Pursuant toward a successful background check, your information will be passed on to the RV Security Department. This routine process will require transcripts K-12 (if completed), a copy of your high school diploma or GED, plus, in the unlikely chance that you have completed any higher education, please submit the trade or cosmetology school transcripts. You must detail all involvement with law enforcement, including but not limited to traffic infractions, public demonstrations, loitering, truancy, vagrancy, moral turpitude, use of drugs legal or otherwise, kidnapping, raised voices, assault, hate crimes and other lack of being excellent to others, property damage and manslaughter. Please include any immediate family members who have misdemeanors or felony convictions. Report all time of incarcerations, detailing institutions and conditions of parole. List all jobs you have had since being expelled from school and why you were fired. Account for all income through receipts, payroll stubs or chits. Finally, please explain why your letters of recommendation were returned covered in feces.

Following a successful background check, you will be assigned RV mentors to smooth your transition. Your mentors will be radio veterans Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly, who will expect you for their FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND.

Sincerely,

I'm Not in Charge, Esq.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It's just a formality.

Chatroom History
April 8, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Sesame Street alien: I've had training in fingerprinting people. It is an utter bitch to do. (10:14pm)
Mike Check: where's my whiskey? (10:53pm)
Mike Check: Star Wars? Looks like they're sinking... (10:54pm)
Mike Check: Job check? (10:55pm)
Mike Check: Yes, that scene is, and a sub is a boat. (11:02pm)
BoogerVonFlickenfinger: I listen (11:14pm)
tracy: whats the word? (11:16pm)
tracy: wow im trippin (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: good stoner shit (11:18pm)
BoogerVonFlickenfinger: It's like The Amazing World of Arthur Brown (11:22pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: How did Dr Hal go? (11:34pm)
tracy: Are we really listeng to you load bullshit onto a computer? (11:40pm)

As Radio Valencia stated in its SF Weekly ad of January 16, free speech is not a free pass to broadcast or podcast false information. More than two years after Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly started secretly working on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, glorifying admitted liars expelled as long as three decades ago from the Station for lack of excellence, the one-sided result is as dishonest as their sources.

Radio Valencia has documented evidence that those featured in the show regurgitating their stale, discredited allegations are admitted perjurers, admitted liars and professional anti-Valencians whose living depends on the filing of false claims. All have been gone so long from the Station, they still think it's at that place on Cesar Chavez, and that the FCC might show up with local law enforcement (they always do). Yet NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND stonewalled 14 requests by the Station to offer relevant information, with more than 25 individuals with firsthand information eager to speak. To this day, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND cannot deny that they have yet to answer three dozen letters from the Station requesting an opportunity to respond or requesting correction of factual errors in the show. Radio Valencia never sought special treatment, only fair treatment.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Our Operating Thetan Levels go up to 11.

Chatroom History
April 1, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
Karen Carpenter: Nexus666 are you out there? (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Psychological folk art, LOL> (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: it's all good, man (10:29pm)
nexus006: Where the fuck is Xenu. He's supposed to be bringing spinach dip to the potluck. (10:44pm)
Karen Carpenter: nexus 600, did you watch ALIEN DEATH RAY? (10:56pm)
nexus006: Not yet...it must have been recorded recently...I'll check it out this weekend. (11:08pm)
vj pussycat: beck is married to Giovanni ribissi's sister (11:48pm)
vj pussycat: elfman's neice (11:49pm)
vj pussycat: Ridley Scott and his brother who jumped off a bridge (11:52pm)

Tonight on Radio Valencia, BOB-MARC and his AMAZING THEME! Pulled together at the last minute from the great mind of BOB-MARC, this theme will charm, excite, thrill, confound and titillate the listeners. All the listeners! Age-appropriate and fat-free, made of locally-sourced ingredients and no GMO, this FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is so together that you will be grateful you are not dead. See what we did there?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: May contain trace amounts of Karen Carpenter and Sherilyn Connelly.



Chatroom History
March 25, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: amaaaaaazzzzing (10:09pm)

For the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, cook 6 ounces diced slab bacon in a skillet; drain. Wrap bacon around scallops; secure with toothpicks. Toss with 12 ounces cooked penne, 4 cups arugula, the bacon, some basil and a splash of pasta water. Mix 8 ounces each cream cheese and crab meat, Karen Carpenter, 1 cup crumbled cooked bacon, Bob-Marc, 1/2 cup mayonnaise, Sherilyn Connelly, 3 chopped scallions and the juice of 1 lemon. Dredge the bacon slices in the brown sugar mixture and arrange the bacon on the rack. Add 1/4 cup crumbled cooked bacon and 2 tablespoons chopped chives. Wrap in bacon and cook in a skillet over medium-high heat, 4 minutes per side.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Just add bacon.

Chatroom History
March 18, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
KatHerding: what the fuck is this? (10:03pm)
KatHerding: oh, the history of bacon. I see. (10:03pm)
KatHerding: Bacon Bowl snatch did she say? (10:07pm)
KatHerding: thank god for non-commercial radio! (10:09pm)
KatHerding: Pork Be Inspired! (10:11pm)
KatHerding: MY silicone tongs are rated for offworld crustaceans. (10:13pm)
KatHerding: cooking bacon in BUTTER? is this a State Fair? (10:17pm)
theotherlistener: what's up with your mics? (11:39pm)
theotherlistener: Much better. (11:39pm)
theotherlistener: Bacon! (11:49pm)
theotherlistener: Not chinese food. (11:51pm)
theotherlistener: look up the Sepoys, 1857 (11:53pm)
theotherlistener: Sounds french... (11:59pm)
theotherlistener: Whoops, you're done. (12:00am)

The Grammarians, inhabitants of the Magical Land of Upper Grammar, have waged war on the misuse of "literal" for like literally dozens and dozens of years. Really. Not Kidding. So, because we are essentially lingual maybe 8 out of 14 of our waking hours, except when chewing, mostly. That's why, ok? Then someone uses a word that they do not really know the meaning of, but they do anyway. It is like totally ignorant. Same for the word "existential", which duh means "exist" and "tension" and "-el". Easy, right? Cause most words that end in "-el" are from Krypton or something, so they are superwords. DON'T USE SUPERWORDS LIGHTLY! I mean it's phat aggravating. Make the pretty talkers Karen Carpenter, BOB-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly (especially SHERILYN CONNELLY) do a FINAL BROADCAST of NOUN NOUN NOUN NOUN, with right words at right times. Got it? OK.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Correcting you where it hurts the most.


Chatroom History
March 11, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
poor Brian...everybody picks on brian!: lol (10:21pm)
tracy: poor brian...everybody picks on brian. (10:22pm)
Sesame Street alien: Denmark. (11:28pm)
Aieen Rand: Leaf me out of tishrnf. (11:54pm)
Scientolgistsistas: What about us?!! (11:55pm)

What happened this week was more than a coincidence, much more than a convergence, certainly even very much much more than a "Perfect Storm", it was a MIRACLE... both of the regular DJs (2 out of 2, 100%, a minyan) independently had energy-efficient compact fluoresecent light bulbs go off in their brains at the brilliant realization of the most beautiful couple to command Future USA... The Reverend Doctor Pat Robertson and The Junior Senator from Texas, Rafael "TeD" Cruz. Jr.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(deep breath...)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Admittedly, some would see a better VP fit with Rafael Cruz, Sr., being a self-appointed fundamentalist pastor like Robertson, but everyone in politics knows you don't load a ticket with two geezers super crazy for the End Times, when you can just as easily pair Crazy Ol' Pat with youthful Tea Bagger TeD ... And you still get the End Times!

And lo, we say unto you that White Jesus commands you to listen to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, where political disciples Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will guide you through the Holy Voter ID process so you may confer your electoral blessing on the Chosen People (...but not the Jews, ok?).

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: As was foretold in low power scripture.


Chatroom History
March 4, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
vj pussycat: thank you (10:18pm)
Dr. Penny: NHLG plays the most fabulous music! (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: Frank Zappa sucks. (10:19pm)
Dr. Penny: More women in binders. (10:26pm)
Hairpiece: HHS (10:48pm)
jesus: Yes it's a miracle (10:49pm)
jesus: I want to hear bob-Marc naked. (10:50pm)
nexus006: Ian the snail (10:50pm)
jesus: Matlock just ended. (10:50pm)
jesus: Where? Where? (10:51pm)
jesus: Lear, who made the jet (10:59pm)

In 1982, both the movie and video game industries were doing just fine. Then someone had the bright idea of making an Atari 2600 game based on the movie E.T., and then things went downhill fast. The game was a flop, countless unsold E.T. cartridges were allegedly buried in a New Mexico landfill, people stopped buying Atari products, and soon movies and video games both faded into obscurity -- thus allowing podcasting to eventually become the biggest branch of the entertainment industry. On the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, we'll look into what really happened to those E.T. cartridges (hint: it involves a New Mexico landfill), and why people like Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly don't talk about video games anymore (hint: it's because they're very old).

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: To pause play, allow E.T. to fall into a well.


Chatroom History
February 25, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: I've got your Yar's Revenge right here (10:07pm)
BoogerVonFlickenfinger: DID THEY FIND THE CARTRIDGES? (10:55pm)
spoink: Yes but 'octopii' is unacceptable no matter how many people use it. (11:40pm)
spoink: It's a mixture of latin and greek. (11:41pm)
spoink: You end up with things like 'Scientology' and 'Television' (11:42pm)
spoink: Stop reading the comments. (11:42pm)
spoink: Berzerk! (11:42pm)
spoink: Electric Thanksgiving! (11:43pm)
spoink: 100 (11:45pm)
spoink: Play it, it's not even a video game. It's mechanical. (11:46pm)
spoink: This is amazing. A centepede commercial. (11:49pm)
spoink: Oh, what's with the french stuff? (11:58pm)
spoink: ugh. (11:59pm)

Unsolicited advice is the most cost-effective advice around. Internationally valued at 2 cents and unaffected by inflation over the last century, few can argue that price is a barrier to getting unwanted advice. In fact, it seems there are almost no barriers to the delivery of such advice, especially when it is completely useless information. There is also no added cost for same-day delivery, even when personally presented by the informant. The time it takes you to hear it is the only extra charge, unless you elect to process the datum before rejecting it. Many have concluded that the processing and responding time does incure a net loss, so have adopted a rapid non-commital acknowledgement combined with false enthusiastic appreciation for the irritating effort of the clueless informant. This is best demonstrated with the following exchange:

Someone Who Obviously Knows More About Life Than You Do: "You should fix that flat tire. It is certainly damaging and potentially dangerous to continue riding your bike like that. I once saw someone slip and break a tooth because of a flat. It was fortunate that person was not run over by a bus. Even bus tires need changing when flat. I drove a bus once, so I know about these things."

You: "Thank you!"

The accumulated wisdom of countless civilizations have learned that any other reply is certainly damaging to your psyche and potentially dangerous to everyone nearby. And this is why during the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, qualified staff advisors Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, along with loquacious expert KrOB will help you in ways that you can't possibily appreciate.

NOSE HAR LINT GLAND: Unwelcome answers to unasked questions, sent with love.

enjoying: i hear you (10:26pm)
enjoying: slack (10:38pm)
Sesame Street alien: Cause of death: duck embolism. (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: dr fiasco is on fb?! (11:10pm)
vj pussycat: hi dr and y'all (11:11pm)
vj pussycat: I will like you're page. maybe. (11:34pm)
vj pussycat: your not you're (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: I do about 5% fb than I used to (11:37pm)
vj pussycat: dead air (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: and there's no dr fiasco on fb (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: live air again (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: there is a Brazilian astronaut on fb, but he's not hairy enough (11:56pm)

Robots! They're the mechanical marvels who will serve our every need, and make the day-to-day domestic drudgery of the housewife a thing of the past. But will they also make the week-to-week unlicensed drudgery of podcasting a thing of the past? Tonight on the (hint hint) FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, meatbags Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB will praise their new electromechanic overlords.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Kill all humans.

Chatroom History
February 11, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Alan B.: Space-age robuts will not pay your doctor bills. (10:01pm)
Alan B.: Dad can't cook, ya know. (10:03pm)
Alan B.: Just us robuts. (10:10pm)
Alan B.: Kraftwerk - Robots http://bit.ly/1vmhvYF (10:10pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1vmhG6z (10:11pm)
Alan B.: I will miss the meatbags. (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: The Hal 9000 can defeat them all. (10:12pm)
Alan B.: Cheers, Dr. Penny. A sad day, here at the final broadcast. (10:12pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan B. (10:13pm)
Alan B.: Why doesn't BobMarc's mic sound like shit? (10:14pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1vmi4Si (10:14pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1vmihVM (10:16pm)
Alan B.: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings, (10:17pm)
Alan B.: except (10:18pm)
Alan B.: where such orders would conflict with the First Law. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. (10:18pm)
Alan B.: WOPR (10:24pm)
Alan B.: Boog 'em, Dano. http://bit.ly/1vmjqN0 (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Headless Robotic Dogs Are The Stuff Of Sci-Fi Nightmares [Video] http://bit.ly/1vmjAnC (10:28pm)
Dr. Penny: Thank the maker, this oil bath is going to feel so good. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Including the French. (10:32pm)
Dr. Penny: And their anti-robot french presses. (10:35pm)
Sesame Street alien: (for reference: http://bit.ly/1vmmatI ) (10:48pm)
Alan B.: G'nite. (11:09pm)
DJDEADHAIR: http://bit.ly/1KM1Xq7 (11:29pm)

"I doubt that you would recognize civic virtue if it reached up and bit you in the ass."

Thus began the instant message from one of the Citizens of Radio Valencia. There was no denying the truth... he was a Citizen DJ and I was just a civilian. DJs who joined Radio Valencia Email List Service, read every post and thread and served honorably were given franchise. They could speak up, ask questions, have more than 2 children and even vote on the important issues, like what gets played by RoboDJ.

"You don't care, everything is a joke to you. We are the ones who stick our necks out, perjure ourselves for the safety of the body politic... maybe you would be happier at some other "radio" station.".

The words burned my eyes with shame, almost as much shame as doing the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, delivered by pathetic civilians Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly and KrOB... because just coming in and doing your scheduled show doesn't measure up to the courage it takes to make the safety of the other DJs your personal responsibility.


NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Service Guarantees Citizenship. Would you like to know more?

On January 28, 1985, a very special event occurred: dozens of America's top recording artists (and Dan Aykroyd, for some reason) gathered together to record "We Are the World," a song intended to end famine in Africa. It didn't really work all that well (again, probably because of the presence of Dan Aykroyd), and several updates over the years have also failed to do anything to save the world, but that changes tonight! It's January 28, 2015, and on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, superstar podcasters Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB will re-create that special night from 30 years ago, recording a new song that's totally going to end all of Radio Valencia's troubles, including chatbox trolls, insufficient listenership, elusive licensing of some indeterminate kind, and of course, errant whip-it cannisters causing delays in morning shows. And it's totally going to work this time! (Although Dan Aykroyd will be providing Crystal Head Vodka, so we may be in trouble.)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: No, really, what the high holy fuck was Dan Aykroyd doing there?


Chatroom History
January 28, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: Check, check one two....sibilance...sibilance. (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: 4 alarm I believe (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: Abe vigoda is connected by the cloud (10:34pm)
vj pussycat: Internet of things (10:35pm)
vj pussycat: Steve perry is now Vietnamese (10:37pm)
nexus006: Traach (11:01pm)
Sesame Street alien: married Stiv Bators? (who's dead.) (11:02pm)
nexus006: Stuffin Martha's Muffin. Mojo Nixon (11:02pm)
nexus006: 1985 did have one good album. Hounds Of Love. Kate Bush (11:07pm)
Sesame Street alien: and Rain Dogs. (11:13pm)
Eatit: I missed the beginning again and I don't know what's going on now. (11:13pm)
Sesame Street alien: and New Day Rising. (11:13pm)
Sesame Street alien: and 3=Way Tie For Last. (11:13pm)
nexus006: 1985: Cure The Head On The Door, Smiths Meat Is Murder, New Order Low Life. (11:23pm)

We here at the NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Business Committee have just completed revising our bylaws, including qualifications for membership. Our records indicate that you have applied to be a NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND listener each of the calendar years 2010-2014. We now invite you to re-apply. Upon receipt of non-refundable application fee, you will be considered for Membership in the Listener Inner Circle. The honors and benefits which come with this appointment include, but are not limited to: valet parking at Radio Valencia, complimentary intercontinental breakfast, Radio Valencia lanyard, use of the Radio Valencia copier, fax machine and pager, and two tickets to The Annual NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Dinner and Awards Ceremony.

To qualify for the Listener Inner Circle, applicants must:

--- be residents of the Bay Area.
--- be regularly employed.
--- listen to at least 50 NHLG episodes annually.
--- express, in the course of their daily life, unquestioned support for the points of view of NHLG producers, artists and staff.
--- never engage in any act of baseness, vileness, or depravity in the private and social duties which a man owes to his fellowmen, or to society in general, contrary to the accepted and customary rule of right and duty between man and man.
--- never have used anything but your legal name in the Radio Valencia chatbox.

Apply today, because this is the FINAL BROADCAST.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Please accept our sincere regrets, loser.

Chatroom History
January 21, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Alan B.: Alan B. (10:06pm)
Alan B.: I am always the wrong person. (10:06pm)
Karen Carpenter: an (10:23pm)
Karen Carpenter: "Any club that would hae me as a member..." (10:24pm)
Karen Carpenter: wow, I made it to the gigs (11:00pm)

Several days in the writing (and according to one podcaster, "thick enough to stop a whip-it canister") the NOSE HAIR LINT LAND edition of the American Podcasting Association's "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM-NHLG) has been dubbed "The Podcaster's Bible."

Debuting on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, the DSM-NHLG is an attempt to provide podcasters such as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Sherilyn Connelly, and KrOB with a much-needed definitive list of all recognized radio health conditions, including their symptoms such as leaving things like clothes, yoga mats, slides, old newspapers, unused coffee pots, and electric kettles in the lobby. But with so many gaps in our understanding of making noise, even attempting to do so is hugely controversial, especially when people are assholes who don't just email the list first.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Member Driven. Science Based. Patient Focused.

Chatroom History
January 14, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
tomb: this whole show is a self-fulfilling prohecy (10:02pm)
Alan B.: High Anxiety?! I could cry, you are all so clever to choose this. (10:09pm)
Alan B.: Saw it first run. (10:10pm)

PART 2
Tonight, the world of "radio" gets a little bit smaller. Shrinks. Shrivels up. Yes, the entertainment that usually flows from your speakers and headphones Wednesdays at 8pm like delicious golden honey will be surplanted with an enlarged FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Wot? No Dante's Hot Tub starring Juan Rapido? Yes, children, Juan going with his parents to see "The Hobbit, Five Armys, Count 'Em, Five", and they must stop him from chewing on the 3-D glasses, since he won't be chewing out Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly. But its ok, 'cause if he doesn't chew, his teeth will grow through his brain.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Just like Dante's Hot Tub, but soaking in spilled wine, roaches with a naked Dr. Hal.


Chatroom History
January 7, 2015 10:00pm - 12:00am
Alan B.: What, no Dead? (10:00pm)
Alan B.: HAR! (10:00pm)
Alan B.: I'M NOT SORRY (10:00pm)
Alan B.: NOT A BIT (10:01pm)
Alan B.: I loved these extra innings, and now I'm bailing. See ya. (10:03pm)
i'm not convinced that: bobmarc hates the grateful dead... (10:57pm)
anyone can SAY: "they hate the grateful dead"... (10:59pm)
but, where, i ask you,: is the proof???? (10:59pm)
drugs are not for looking : at (11:13pm)
caffeine's a drug: nicotine's a drug (11:14pm)
who's the : toehead???? (11:15pm)
make a w: with your 2 thumbs and index fingers (11:16pm)
sorry,: pinkies! (11:17pm)
like this:::: :::http://bit.ly/14xWTq6 (11:20pm)
i'm not convinced that: bobmarc hates gary gygax (11:38pm)
i'm not convinced that: bobmarc isn't puzzling evidence (11:44pm)
i'm not convinced that: the chatterbox is media (11:47pm)
those drugs are: legal (11:49pm)

PART 1
Tonight, the world of "radio" gets a little bit smaller. Shrinks. Shrivels up. Yes, the entertainment that usually flows from your speakers and headphones Wednesdays at 8pm like delicious golden honey will be surplanted with an enlarged FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Wot? No Dante's Hot Tub starring Juan Rapido? Yes, children, Juan going with his parents to see "The Hobbit, Five Armys, Count 'Em, Five", and they must stop him from chewing on the 3-D glasses, since he won't be chewing out Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly. But its ok, 'cause if he doesn't chew, his teeth will grow through his brain.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Just like Dante's Hot Tub, but soaking in spilled wine, roaches with a naked Dr. Hal.


Chatroom History
January 7, 2015 8:00pm - 10:00pm
vj pussycat: this is the weirdest dante's hot tub. sounds suspiciously like nhlg (8:22pm)
lasers in the jungle: just like in "CONGO" (8:32pm)
Karen Carpenter: don' t tht just beat all? (8:33pm)
Banana: Addict (8:35pm)
vj pussycat: sure thing karen. what did you do with juan rapido? (8:36pm)
vj pussycat: and was that the boy in the plastic bubble? (8:36pm)
vj pussycat: IT IS!!!! (8:37pm)
vj pussycat: TBITPB (8:37pm)
Mojo Jojo: Ooooh, that is a MISCONCEPTION! (8:37pm)
vj pussycat: WOOOO HOOO (8:38pm)
MaxMix: Nice job Nose Hair! (8:38pm)
vj pussycat: he has aids (8:42pm)
no one should have to listen: to this show at 8pm!!!! (8:42pm)
sharkey: $13 (8:43pm)
sharkey: mmore reverb (8:44pm)
sharkey: vasekina (8:45pm)
sharkey: vaselina (8:45pm)
Alan B.: Alan B. (8:46pm)
Alan B.: wait? what? (8:47pm)
Alan B.: Alan B. (8:47pm)
Alan B.: LOL. (8:47pm)
Alan B.: Is this (8:48pm)
Alan B.: where I apply (8:48pm)
Alan B.: to participate in (8:48pm)
Alan B.: the fat, white hot tub? (8:49pm)
Alan B.: He's not your dad! (8:49pm)
do some back: announcing (8:50pm)
Alan B.: Dante's Hot Tub, now with less MRSA. (8:50pm)
Alan B.: MRSA infection: http://mayocl.in/1wWGbX8 (8:51pm)
Alan B.: With my one earbud (8:51pm)
thy rod and thy staph: shall do something... (8:51pm)
Alan B.: Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) infection is caused by a strain of staph bacteria that's become resistant to the antibiotics commonly used to treat ordinary staph infections. (8:51pm)
meth-driven: chatterbox (8:52pm)
Alan B.: Okay, let's freak 'em out, Chatterbox. Chime in! (8:52pm)
killing my ears: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (8:54pm)
Alan B.: Those SFX are making me need to pee. (8:54pm)
Alan B.: "Hot Tub Rash" (Pseudomonas Dermatitis / Folliculitis) http://1.usa.gov/1wWGW2q (8:55pm)
Alan B.: He stays crunchy, even in milk. (8:57pm)
Alan B.: Touche (8:57pm)
sharkey: eat my naked flesh with a little chianti (8:58pm)
Alan B.: Moral Characteristics of the Prophets: A Qur�anic Perspective http://bit.ly/1wWHzZL (8:59pm)
Alan B.: 1. Submissive to God (8:59pm)
Alan B.: 2. Gentle to the people (8:59pm)
Alan B.: 3. Deep concern for the people (9:00pm)
Alan B.: Most kind and merciful to the faithful (9:00pm)
Alan B.: (4) (9:00pm)
Alan B.: Who has faith in God and His words (9:00pm)
Alan B.: 6. God-fearing (9:00pm)
Alan B.: 7. Pure in his worship (9:00pm)
Alan B.: 8. His heart is strenthened by God (9:01pm)
Alan B.: 9. He puts his trust in God (9:01pm)
Alan B.: 10. Mercy to all the inhabitants of the world (9:01pm)
Alan B.: and five more (9:01pm)
Alan B.: The Koran can't be a worse-edited book than the Bible. (9:02pm)
sharkey: nices to pieces (9:03pm)
Alan B.: I have been to Nice, it's nice. (9:03pm)
sharkey: sheesh it's neece (9:04pm)
Alan B.: Don't play the Kronos ID, either (9:06pm)
sharkey: where do i see the show here? (9:06pm)
Alan B.: No, the inlaws are. (9:07pm)
don't play anything: not excellent (9:07pm)
Alan B.: Get Dr. H.A.L., we need his thunderstick. (9:07pm)
sharkey: is John Revolta resistant to antibiotics? (9:08pm)
Alan B.: I saw this goddamn TV film live, aged 11. (9:09pm)
Alan B.: John Travolta - Let Her In (1976) http://bit.ly/1xHvSLB (9:11pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1xHwaSx (9:13pm)
Alan B.: Can we please have a time check on the film? (9:14pm)
Alan B.: Or just post a link to the timecode of the sideboob. (9:15pm)
vj pussycat: I didn't look at fb today (9:19pm)
vj pussycat: I saw dr fiasco nyd (9:19pm)
Alan B.: I ruined it OF COURSE. (9:21pm)
vj pussycat: Glynis (9:21pm)
vj pussycat: Yes Glynis (9:22pm)
Alan B.: A nice Jewish girl (9:22pm)
Alan B.: 55:47 -- John Travolta's side boob (9:23pm)
vj pussycat: is she a scientologist? (9:24pm)
vj pussycat: Helen slater was in afterschool specials (9:25pm)
Alan B.: 1:02 - A goddamned dunebuggy (9:25pm)
vj pussycat: I think she is in dinky hocker shoots smack (9:26pm)
Alan B.: I loved that shit. (9:26pm)
vj pussycat: is helen slater a scientologist? (9:28pm)
Alan B.: Nope, Vertigo (9:29pm)
Alan B.: DC's weirdo imprint. (9:29pm)
Alan B.: Vertigo (9:30pm)
Alan B.: It was derivative of HST and like him, repetitive. (9:30pm)
Alan B.: But the climax was awesome, calling back to the lady who froze her brain and came back. (9:31pm)
Alan B.: You should really read Grant Morrison's The Invisibles, if you haven't, Karen. (9:31pm)
Alan B.: KILLED BY THE PUSSY. (9:31pm)
Alan B.: HST had is role to play. Campaign Trail was the book that grew me up. (9:32pm)
Alan B.: PUT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM (9:35pm)
Alan B.: Does Dr. Fiasco write H.A.L.'s show descriptions on the podcasts? (9:39pm)
Alan B.: BobMarc's Dr. H.A.L. impression is SPOT ON. (9:41pm)
Alan B.: I totally miss my Astro Van, sold it running for $200 and regret it deeply. The truck-body model. (9:49pm)
Alan B.: No back seatbelts for the kids. (9:49pm)
Alan B.: I bow to your mechanical prowess. (9:50pm)
Alan B.: Every joke song should be one chorus and one verse. (9:53pm)
Alan B.: ... and before that . . . (9:53pm)
Alan B.: That picture proves . . . Archimedes was right. (9:55pm)
Alan B.: Yeah, you are. (9:57pm)
Alan B.: He had one job and he did it. (9:57pm)
Alan B.: It just makes programming sense. (9:58pm)
Alan B.: Stress-testing the compressor limiter. (9:59pm)

Happy Yekaterina Bridge, you filthy ingrates! You people, who if not for the benevolent Wilford would have frozen solid 18 years ago today. You people, who would suck up the generous titties of Wilford ever since for food and shelter. (But please don't call him the boss, because he's NOT THE BOSS, nor does he want to hear any of your jerky-jerk questions.) Mr. Wilford is merciful, Mr. Wilford is benevolent, and you repay his kindness with violent hooliganism, empty whip-it canisters, and improper RoboDJ settings. You scum! And now, as we pass the Yekaterina Bridge on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, 74% of you shall die, specifically Karen Carpenter, Mrs. Karen Carpenter, and Sherilyn Connelly.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: My friend, you suffer the misplaced optimism of the doomed.

Chatroom History
December 31, 2014 10:00pm - 12:30am
Alan B.: Alan B. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Salut, les enfants! (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Sounds wonderful. (10:14pm)
Alan B.: Happy new year, you lot. (10:15pm)
Dr. Penny: It's not the penultimate show because it's always the final broadcast. (10:15pm)
Alan B.: Damn near. (10:16pm)
Alan B.: I am green with envy. (10:16pm)
Mrs.: I have chocolate cake (10:16pm)
Mrs.: I can only answer through chatterbox (10:17pm)
Alan B.: He said knob. (10:17pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Sarah Z! (10:18pm)
Mrs.: Hi Alan B! (10:18pm)
Mrs.: It was sad (10:19pm)
Alan B.: I'm with you, BobMarc, I didn't watch Snarglepiercer, either. (10:19pm)
Alan B.: Supertrain! (10:20pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1Aj9ZDi (10:20pm)
nexus006: Happy new year Alan B. (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Happy new year, nexuszerozerosix! (10:21pm)
Alan B.: We already watched Ryan Seacrest and fell asleep. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: I want to cut Jenny McCarthy's head off. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Taylor Swift danced awkwardly. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Elton John looked like a potato with mange in a glitttery sportsjacket. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: I want to marry the sound tonight and have babies with it. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: It sounded like the gain on the input channel / RoboDJ was too hot on the board. (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: Elton John in a Taylor Swift tutu might be nice. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Or maybe like the sound of Juan Rapido failing. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Elton sings like a 70 year old Elton John. (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Hi, Dr. Penny!! (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Why does the tour guide talk like William Shatner? (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Hi Alan B.! :) (10:27pm)
Alan B.: MYSTERY ISLAND! (10:27pm)
Alan B.: He's a cylon! (10:27pm)
Dr. Penny: From Cyland (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Talking directly into a diaphragm of a microphone will cause a nasty side effect called "P-popping". (10:29pm)
Alan B.: P-popping is a horrible explosive bass "thump" you hear when a speaker uses certain letters (P's and B's) and speaks right into the mic. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1AjaIEx (10:29pm)
Alan B.: This music makes me want cocaine. (10:30pm)
Alan B.: I can't wait for "space." (10:31pm)
Dr. Penny: might as well be Great White (10:32pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1AjaX2k (10:32pm)
Alan B.: I only have pound, is that too much? (10:33pm)
Alan B.: Okay, that Lazarus pull made me laugh out loud. (10:33pm)
Dr. Penny: Sounds like enough for new years eve. (10:34pm)
Alan B.: God made man, but He used a monkey to do it. (10:35pm)
Alan B.: Apes in the plan, and we're all here to prove it (10:35pm)
Alan B.: I've missed a lot of episodes, will cocaine fit in the Large Hadron Collider? (10:36pm)
Alan B.: Throw the fan out the window? (10:37pm)
Dr. Penny: And all the angels stood round about the throne, and about the elders and the four beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God. -- Rev. 7:11 (10:38pm)
Alan B.: NICE. (10:38pm)
Alan B.: ... I have stolen more quotes and thoughts and purely elegant little starbursts (10:39pm)
Alan B.: of writing (10:40pm)
Alan B.: from the Book of Revelations (10:40pm)
Alan B.: than (10:41pm)
Alan B.: from anything else (10:41pm)
Alan B.: in the English Language -- HST (10:41pm)
Dr. Penny: The mother of Sisera looked out at a window, and cried through the lattice, Why is his chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariots? So let all thine enemies perish, O LORD: but let them that love him be as the sun when he goeth forth in his might. -- Judges 5:28, 31 (10:41pm)
mrs.: contractor humor (10:42pm)
Dr. Penny: prehung (10:43pm)
Alan B.: Contactor humor is what closes on Saturday night. (10:43pm)
mrs.: his rear gate is swollen (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Pinterest: Contractor Humor http://bit.ly/1AjbVfb (10:44pm)
Dr. Penny: butt sex is more difficult (10:44pm)
Alan B.: Check the packaging for butt sex instructions. (10:45pm)
Alan B.: Blow power!~ (10:45pm)
Alan B.: THE FUCKING PIPES ON THIS GUY! (10:46pm)
Alan B.: I'm a puddle, I swear to god. (10:46pm)
mrs.: radio voice (10:46pm)
Dr. Penny: His voice has primed you up. (10:47pm)
Dr. Penny: moist (10:47pm)
Alan B.: C'mere, 20-year-old radio-voice guy. (10:47pm)
Alan B.: I vote for 20-year-old DJ getting the booth announcer job at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, he needs to cut some promos. (10:48pm)
Dr. Penny: OH, he opens up the pores of somebody's wood. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: Giant balls man is a welcome addition to the show. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: That was an hour ago, boss. (10:53pm)
Alan B.: E to the S to the T. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: So far, 2015 is drunk. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Yes, he is present. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: Up the butt, no lube. (10:54pm)
Alan B.: GOP whipping my ass. (10:55pm)
Alan B.: Where the HELL is H.A.L.?! (10:55pm)
mrs.: real firewworks outside (10:55pm)
Alan B.: I had kraut for dinner at Metzger's German American Restaurant, in Ann Arbor since 1928. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: You need da plane, da plane!! (10:56pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1AjcPZ8 (10:57pm)
Alan B.: Fuck Ayn Rand. (10:57pm)
Alan B.: What is Giant Balls Man's name? (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Oh, Dan, the Giant Balls Man. (10:58pm)
Alan B.: Karen Carpenter promised me that if I watched tonight's NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, I would understand all of the Snarglepiercer references. (10:59pm)
mrs.: lies (10:59pm)
Alan B.: I figured cocaine and chocolate cake would attract Dr. H.A.L. (10:59pm)
mrs.: spoilers (10:59pm)
Alan B.: GOD DAMMIT SPOILERS (11:00pm)
mrs.: hal is in high demand on holidays (11:00pm)
Alan B.: I don't need H.A.L. when the lovely Ms. Z is in the chatterbox. (11:00pm)
Dr. Penny: small children are perpetually needed (11:01pm)
Dr. Penny: and so Dr. Fiasco has another baby (11:01pm)
mrs.: nhlg banned (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Can I request my NHLG Venom station ID, Karen Carpenter? (11:02pm)
Alan B.: Church Air (11:03pm)
Dr. Penny: Bridge Air (11:04pm)
Dr. Penny: Balls deep (11:04pm)
mrs.: dj dan wanted to know if the mess we leave here ends up at RV (11:05pm)
Dr. Penny: has the fan been torn down and thrown out the window? (11:06pm)
Alan B.: I have it here, Pete: http://bit.ly/1AjdAkW (11:06pm)
Alan B.: ^^Snarglepiercer map (11:07pm)
Alan B.: Australia: Snubbed (11:07pm)
Alan B.: My NYE wish for you: http://on.fb.me/1AjdLfS (11:09pm)
Alan B.: Where the hell is Kat Herding and John Shirley? (11:09pm)
Alan B.: This motherfucker is completely spoilt. (11:10pm)
Kat Herding: here! (11:11pm)
Alan B.: Mmmmmwah! Hi, Kat! (11:11pm)
Kat Herding: give Karen Carpenter a big smooch for me. (11:11pm)
Alan B.: No, he's mean! (11:12pm)
mrs.: i will (11:12pm)
Alan B.: http://imdb.to/1Aje629 (11:13pm)
Dr. Penny: http://bit.ly/1Aje62a (11:13pm)
Kat Herding: Earth is not flat. Earth is hollow. (11:14pm)
mrs.: snowpiercer at ca academy (11:14pm)
Alan B.: I watched the trailer, and if I had to live on that train I would do everything I could to derail it. (11:16pm)
Dr. Penny: The train streams through a cocaine wonderland. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: Let me axe you a question. (11:17pm)
Alan B.: KrOB's lecture 22: Jar-Jar, Threat or Menace? (11:18pm)
Dr. Penny: http://bit.ly/1Ajez4o (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Black Stomtrooper can't breathe. (11:19pm)
Alan B.: Fuckin' awesome! (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Wall to wall and tree-top tall, good buddy! (11:20pm)
mrs.: i was in return of the jedi (11:21pm)
fpaynter: Return of the jelly? (11:21pm)
Alan B.: I remember that! You were in a crowd scene? (11:21pm)
mrs.: and empire strikes back (11:21pm)
mrs.: :) (11:21pm)
fpaynter: a baseball show? (11:21pm)
fpaynter: sorry, I was here to talk about the cat in the box and temporal flux (11:22pm)
Alan B.: NOT the real Darth Vader (11:24pm)
Alan B.: it was the fake for the appearances. (11:24pm)
Alan B.: I have wasted so much of my life listening to NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND> (11:25pm)
Dr. Penny: Are Darth Vader's balls as big as DJ Dan's? (11:26pm)
Alan B.: I went to see DUNE hoping for the STAR WARS experience. I was disappointed. (11:27pm)
Dr. Penny: Dan's voice is still better for radio. (11:27pm)
Alan B.: Sting in the winged briefs, what the fuck? (11:28pm)
Alan B.: I totally agree. Fucking capitalists won't share their fucking cocaine. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: $1.91 for unleaded in Ann Arbor. That's a fucking disgrace. (11:29pm)
Alan B.: EVEN BETTER (11:30pm)
Alan B.: MOAR COCAINE (11:30pm)
Alan B.: JAR-JAR (11:30pm)
Alan B.: SNARGLE (11:30pm)
Alan B.: It really does sound magnificent tonight. (11:31pm)
mrs.: timelag (11:31pm)
mrs.: sshhhh (11:31pm)
Alan B.: S P O I L E R S (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR Y'ALL (11:31pm)
Alan B.: FUCK YEAH VJ (11:32pm)
mrs.: hfny (11:32pm)
vj pussycat: we're not listening but look at the pic of me and mrs doctor fiasco (11:32pm)
Alan B.: God dammit, I wish I could listen to this every week. (11:32pm)
vj pussycat: Acting like we're listening (11:33pm)
Alan B.: Live, I mean. (11:33pm)
Alan B.: In Nevada, it's 1972. (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: Are you listening to the reloadio now? (11:33pm)
Dr. Penny: Let's do the timewarp again. (11:33pm)
mrs.: is bobmarc lying? (11:35pm)
Dr. Penny: They burned the ball, that's why it's so much like Burning Man. (11:37pm)
mrs.: i smell chocolate (11:37pm)
mrs.: wine refill all around (11:39pm)
Dr. Penny: The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all. -- Psalms 103:19 (11:40pm)
Alan B.: I may have to BluRay this film. (11:41pm)
mrs.: who wants more cake? (11:43pm)
mrs.: 13 mins (11:47pm)
Alan B.: You are an excellent host, Ms. Z. (11:47pm)
mrs.: i try (11:48pm)
mrs.: almost 2015 (11:50pm)
mrs.: r those gunshots or fireworks? (11:51pm)
Alan B.: Yes. (11:51pm)
mrs.: who wants more wine (11:53pm)
Alan B.: I'm the only free man on this train! (11:54pm)
mrs.: not disappointing yet (11:56pm)
mrs.: 3 mins (11:57pm)
Alan B.: HOGAN!Q (11:57pm)
Alan B.: Have a great new year, Ms. Z, BobMark, Sherilyn and Karen Carpenter. Thanks for a great show. (11:59pm)
Alan B.: And sexy DJ Dan! (11:59pm)
Dr. Penny: Yes, another priceless episode. (11:59pm)
mrs.: hny (11:59pm)

Karen Carpenter: "Did you get KrOB a Christmas present?"

Mrs. Karen Carpenter: "Sorta. I was going to give him a sixpack of odd beers in our frig. Nobody else wants them. Did you get him anything?"

Karen: "Well, I guess I have to now. How about this bent nail... or wait, here's an old button."

Mrs.: "Sounds ok. Wrap them?"

Karen: "Fuck no."

Just another FINAL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, with Karen Carpenter, Mrs. Karen Carpenter, and anyone who knocks loud enough on the door.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Being excellent to each other.