With Karen Carpenter's sudden departure from the country after the release of the latest WikiLeaks papers, It has fallen to Dr. Fiasco to hold down the plywood panels that tenuously hold together the secret Radio Valencia broadcast bunker.

So tonight, in our FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Dr. Fiasco will take your song dedications (such as the one from the truck driver who misses his bag of Colombian marching powder he forgot at the stop in Laredo) and discuss your innermost feelings through the NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND QUIET STORM HOTLINE. Because as they say, inner beauty is for decorators.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND - We ain't Oprah but we do our best, on Radio Valencia.

Before the announcement of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAD we bring you this lovely piece of art by KROB:

http://drfiasco.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/nhlg.jpg

And now, without further dada:


For their FINAL BROADCAST, Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco invite International Thermodynamic Comedy Rocket Scientists WILL FRANKEN and SHANE KOON to boldly go where most of us shouldn't.

Be awed by the incongruous JOKE WITHOUT A SETUP:
"Madam, this is the Staten Island Ferry and that guy is not Mr. T."

Or befuddled by the JOKE WITHOUT A PUNCHLINE:
"What's the difference between a woman, a lamp post and bamboo?"

And more, much more! You will never have laughed this hard since Tom Hanks said goodbye to "Wilson"!

Tune in Wednesday, from 10 PM to Midnight

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND !! - Radio Valencia's Answer to Cold Fusion!

For their FINAL BROADCAST, NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND RADIO PROGRAMME Presents...

2010 THE YEAR OF KIM JONG-IL 2010

recounting all of his country's (and therefore, his) achievements in 2010.

- The completion of the tunnel to the Moon.
- The discovery of a diamond shaped like North Korea.
- The unparalleled success of Dear Leader's new invention, the Collective Farm Village game ("Miss your Quinquennial Plan sorghum quota and it's off to the Reeducation Camp for you!"), which unfortunately got copied by American Imperialist Jerk.


and..
NORTH KOREA'S VICTORY IN THE WORLD CUP!!!

starring Karen Carpenter and the Dr. Fiasco

- With Special Guest ** Sean Kelly **
(The 1st Man to **SUCCESSFULLY** Give a Robot a Reach-Around)

Tune in Wednesday, from 10 PM to Midnight

LONG LIVE DEAR LEADER NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND !! - Radio Valencia's President for Life !!

KrOB joins Karen Carpenter for an Extra Special Holiday Show on Radio Valencia's Premiere Talk Radio Program "NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND", commemorating the 40th Anniversary of the day Elvis Presley walked into the White House carrying four guns.

Last week, immediately following the FINAL BROADCAST of GLÁNDULA DE HILOS DE LOS CABELLOS DEL NARIZ, Radio Valencia's rude and inconsiderate Program Manager, John Hell, admitted calling into the show just to deliver 4th grade fart sounds. As an apology, Hell reinstated NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to it's original time slot. Hosts Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco were indifferent to his gesture, having already decided to continue.

Tonight Karen Carpenter is joined by Famed Peripheralist ** KrOB ** !

(Dr. Fiasco, deeply troubled by the reversal of seasons in the Northern Hemisphere, has migrated back to the tropical rain forest of Brazil. There he will remain until he has collected rent from the monkeys who sublet his tree, and he will return when he has completed his annual bikini wax.) ... so, without further dada:


John Hell proudly presents the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND !!

starring Karen Carpenter, with special guest KrOB ! (and the distant voice of Dr. Fiasco)

Tune in to Radio Valencia tonight, from 10 PM 'til they quit

Immediately following the FINAL BROADCAST of

GLANDULA CAPILLIS NASO LINTEUM,

Radio Valencia's Idiot Program Manager, John Hell, fired the hosts of all radio shows EXCEPT ours! Ranting and screaming like a character right out of Glen Gerry Glen Ross, John Hell declared that no program closes better, and Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco are getting the year end bonus, the steak knives and the new Cadillac, while everyone else gets a pink slip. Radio Valencia, now with 166 hours to fill, will convert to an All Sports (mostly curling and cheerleaders competitions) and 2 hours of sublime whimsy Wednesday from 10pm to midnight. So, without further dada:

John Hell proudly presents the FINAL BROADCAST of

GLÁNDULA DE HILOS DE LOS CABELLOS DEL NARIZ

It's not NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND !!

starring Karen Carpenter and the Dr. Fiasco !

With Special Guest Donner Party (aka Martyn Jones, percussionist for The Mermen) who will bring His Family Cook Book! (Carpenter, Fiasco and Jones are direct descendants of the victims of the Winter of 1846)

Tune in to Radio Valencia tonight, from 10 PM to Midnight

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND - Radio Valencia's Long Pig of a Show!

Immediately following the FINAL BROADCAST of LA GLANDE DE CHARPIE DES POILS DU NEZ, Radio Valencia's indecisive and pathetic Program Manager, The Honorable John Hell fired the hosts of all radio shows with French names. One step ahead of Radio Valencia's, Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco renamed the show and thus are still (barely) tolerated and on air. In addition, after discussions about His Sanctimony John Hell's youthful indiscretions, Karen Carpenter returned the negatives to back to him and the entire incident was forgotten. So, without further dada:

John Hell proudly presents....

GLANDULA CAPILLIS NASO LINTEUM

It's not NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND!!
starring Karen Carpenter and the recently extradited Dr. Fiasco !

With Special Guest Sean Kelly and His Machine That Makes Crazy People (as opposed to the machine that makes people crazy)!

We'll discuss the popular Ukrainian folk tale "The Porkchop of Destiny" and read the poignant story of The Man Who Did Not Know How to Tie His Shoes.

Tune in to Radio Valencia and see why they put newspaper down on the floor Wednesdays, from 10 PM to Midnight.

GLANDULA CAPILLIS NASO LINTEUM - Radio Valencia's only show to make the UN List of Failed Nations!

Immediately following the FINAL BROADCAST of Nose Hair Lint Gland, Radio Valencia's self-appointed General Program Manager and Radio Critic for Life, Generalissimo John Hell canceled the show citing the Geneva Convention. With the mere mention of crimes against humanity, Dr. Fiasco went into hiding. Hell, however, was stunned to discover that Karen Carpenter is a dues-paid member of the San Francisco Teachers Union Local 2121 and, like all SF teachers, could not be fired despite the untold suffering of children. So, without further dada:

John Hell presents....


LA GLANDE DE CHARPIE DES POILS DU NEZ
starring Karen Carpenter and the fugitive Dr. Fiasco (Via Satellite from an authentic Seattle opium den) ! Tonight with "clicking sounds" by special guest, KrOB!

Tune in to Radio Valencia's
LA GLANDE DE CHARPIE DES POILS DU NEZ
: Because It's Not NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND!

Wednesdays, from 10 PM to Midnight

87.9 MHz or www.radiovalencia.fm - They're both WIRELESS!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND presents the "Thanks, but No Thanks" Show!

Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco are back and have nothing to say about their absence. They do, however, have an outstanding Holiday Program for you tonight, politely called the "Thanks, but No Thanks!" Show. In this festive show, Carpenter & Fiasco (the delicious white meat and robust dark meat of radio!) will explore the bloody history of PETA, conduct a cavity search of a random Mission hipster boarding BART, and brine a tofurkey.

This will be the FINAL BROADCAST of Nose Hair Lint Gland, so be part of their misguided social activism!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: The special needs program that Radio Valencia is raising at home.

After being dead for two weeks and then resuscitated by a discharge of energy produced by compulsive teenage masturbators, Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco are back.
However, Karen Carpenter died again, this time from a fulminating attack of The Scruples (or was it Ass Cancer? I don't remember). However, her condition is not life-threatening (anymore).

And so, in this FINAL BROADCAST of Nose Hair Lint Gland, Dr. Fiasco interviews a woman who has smashed the glass ceiling of most buildings she has been to:

THE 50 FOOT TALL SEX-CRAZED PIRATE WOMAN.

Not "A" 50 Foot Tall Sex-Crazed Pirate Woman, but "The" 50 Foot Tall Sex-Crazed Pirate Woman. A role model for all of us.

Radio Valencia's NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: It's "Men's Adventure" Magazine for your ears !!

Occasionally the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is just too much for Karen Carpenter & Dr. Fiasco, so they retire to their corners and suck lemons until the feeling of love returns. Fortunately, Skippy (Chicken John's pet boy) and Bob-Marc, the Mission Martian, offered to fill the slot with their own version of love... and since they, like Bert & Ernie, have been taking baths together since 1969, why not?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Marginal Content for Marginal Listeners

The Greatest Telemarketing Call Ever Made!

An Epic Radio Novella of Epic Proportions

A Tale of Sales, Gnashing of Teeth and Redemption.

Feel the thrill of the poorly read call center script!
Cringe as one can't figure out what is a credit card security code!
Cry when the mean customer hangs up on the operator!

Be there for the Final Broadcast of Dr. Fiasco & Karen Carpenter as they spend their life savings on a set of genuine wigs worn by Carly Fiorina from the Franklin Mint!

Nose Hair Lint Gland
Radio Valencia's only program where you get a free Time Share just by listening!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND debates NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND!

ON the only scheduled debate of this electoral season, knuckle-dragging mouth breather NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND faces off spineless jellyfish NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND for a lively round of accusations, criminations, recriminations, slander, falsehoods and false promises. Which candidate worships Cthulhu? Will the opposition submit to a paternity test? Who has toilet paper stuck to his shoe?

Moderated by Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco.

Call in your questions for the candidates (415-875-9051) then watch it live on the radio. Only then will you know who is taller!

This will be the Final Broadcast of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Radio Valencia's only program with Fluoride!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND - "Does This 311-ft Submarine Make You Feel Inadequate?" With Special Guest KROB

For our FINAL BROADCAST, Karen Carpenter gets to the bottom of it. Literally. Karen will broadcast from inside a submarine in San Francisco Bay, while Dr. Fiasco holds down the fort at the undisclosed NHLG bunker with special guest, the Thermodynamic and Intercontinental KROB.

Listen in Awe as we ponder such themes as:

- Can we stage a Mutiny on the USS Pampanito?

- About that sleeping with 44 old men in close quarters... will I for once not be harassed about sleep apnea?

- Unconditional world war for 3.5 years or perpetual war on nebulous "terrorists"... which makes better video games?

- Submarine traditions: holding your breath, shouting "DIVE DIVE!", blackening the periscope eyepiece, velvet black light posters of sexy African American women, a new and interesting meaning of the phrase "hot rack", farting, screen doors, talking about marrying that guy when you finally get back home (tomorrow morning).

- Admiral Hyman Rickover, the first Radioactive Man!

- That really horrible submarine accident in Idaho.


NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Radio Valencia's Gulp...gulp...gulp...

In which host Karen Carpenter will use Radio Valencia's sophisticated and expensive repossessed NSA spy gear to look in on the BEST PEOPLE WE WISH WE KNEW, yes, America's Wealthiest! With sincere acknowledgment of our betters, we will pay homage to those who have mastered all life's difficulties with truckloads of cash. Join us for this FREE FINAL BROADCAST!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Radio Valencia's Child of Privilege

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND answers that nagging question, "Mommy, Are We Rich?"

In which host Karen Carpenter will use Radio Valencia's sophisticated and expensive repossessed NSA spy gear to look in on the BEST PEOPLE WE WISH WE KNEW, yes, America's Wealthiest! With sincere acknowledgment of our betters, we will pay homage to those who have mastered all life's difficulties with truckloads of cash. Join us for this FREE FINAL BROADCAST!

Listen into the Mystery of Sorcery, Spirit Channeling and conflicting schedules as Dr. Fiasco metamorphoses into SPECIAL GUEST Billionaire WILL FRANKEN!

(Catch Will (http://www.willfranken.com/ ) at The Purple Onion this Friday and Saturday 8pm)


NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Radio Valencia's Child of Privilege

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND "LIVE FROM THE ALEPH!"

For their FINAL BROADCAST, Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco go Deep Into the Aleph!

What is the Aleph, you may ask?

The Aleph - The First Letter in the Hebrew Alphabet!
The Aleph - In Mathematics, The Set That Contains All Sets
The Aleph - The point in space from where you can see All Other Places in the Universe!

Karen Carpenter & Dr. Fiasco have uncovered the location of this place of wonderment!!!

Problem is, the Aleph turns out to be located in the West Oakland BART Station Men's Room...

Listen in as we spy on you while avoiding the splash back!

Nose Hair Lint Gland, Radio Valencia's Answer to the NSA

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND proudly presents... "Agricultural Machinery in 20th Century America"

Barbed Wire's 136th Birthday! ... and still it foils hippies and ravers - 4-H Club... what do they really want? - "Guess The Number of Eggs in the Basket", one of many subtle tricks farmers use to promote gambling - "Does it look like rain to you?" and other long, drawn out conversations - "Whose Manure Was that?" - Vegetable Fetishes of Brazil.

... and finally, the long struggle to get USDA subsidies for marijuana growers.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND - Radio Valencia's Premiere Source of Mission Critical Information.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND "LIVE FROM MARS!"

For their FINAL BROADCAST, Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco expose Orson Welles' smear campaign on Mars and get the other side of the so-called "War of the Worlds", a (mostly) peaceful intervention, where peace-loving Martians land on Earth to free the Earthlings from Tyranny, spread FooOcracy ("Government by those who have attractive pictures in their online profiles") and, a very distant third, almost an afterthought, really, get some natural resources action. Mostly David Bowie cassette tapes.

Did you know that:

- Martians constantly struggle to overcome the common perception there is no life on Mars?

- A recent martian fad caused 10% of the population to surgically alter themselves to resemble Orson Welles? and another 10% change to look like Paul Lynde and 5% Charo? And that Earthlings feared they planned pre-invasion mind control through Hollywood Squares?

- Favorite martian food is ... Bacterios ?!


Nose Hair Lint Gland, Radio Valencia's Premier Provider of Integrated Radiophonic Solutions

For their FINAL BROADCAST, Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and SUPER SEKRIT SPECIAL GUESTS go LIVE ON THE PLAYA and explore what the 2010 event means to mankind, the West Coast's supply of nitrous and law enforcement.

- "LEAVE NO TRACE - The Next Step" examines how surprisingly popular cannibalism has become in recent years.

- "DJ TIESTITOS (brought to you by Nabisco) vs. PAUL OAKENGOOGLE" The Clash of the Spinning Titans

- "WHAT'S YOUR LAME EXCUSE" for not attending this momentous event?

- "DR. FIASCO'S GUIDE FOR ROCKING THE PLAYA" ...an armload of raver nubiles and enough E to turn Pol Pot into Santa Claus.

- "ONE MAN'S DESPERATE QUEST TO FEED HIS DOG" where Chicken Jones and Darn It the Dog sell out to The Man.

... plus an interview with Larry Harvey's male nurse.

THIS SHOW BROUGHT TO YOU BY CENTRAL SERVICES, INC.


Nose Hair Lint Gland, Radio Valencia's Leader in Phake Phur and Phat Beats.

he FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND tonight at 10 PM

In celebration of the Muslim holiday of Rub-A-Dub, International Radio Personalities Karen Carpenter & Dr. Fiasco attempt to answer the age-old question:

¿Quien es mas Macho... ?

¿Rimbaud or Baudelaire?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND - Now with best practices in radio booth operation! Significantly more interesting and informative than rubbing your forehead with 50 grit sandpaper!

Radio Valencia's Voice of Reason.