Well, that was quick! It's already time for another Republican debate, and once again, Radio Valencia's crack news team will cover it on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND from a super-secret remote location. (Also in a super secret location will be Rick Perry's smart-guy glasses. We'll miss you, glasses! The candidates will be armed with nothing but a pad of paper, a pen, and a glass of water, while Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will have none of those things, but they will have some big questions: who's Ben Carson, again? Why isn't Kim Davis up there? Where's Mitt Romney through all this? And, in the name of all that is holy, can you pass the vaporizer?

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We still need brain.

Chatroom History
September 16, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: I can hear you (10:03pm)
Nexus006: Radio...the WTF is happening sound!?! (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: yes I can (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: charming people shit the breeze (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: that mic is working (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: best show EVER (10:05pm)
vj pussycat: that mic is low (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: can barely hear you over trump (10:07pm)
vj pussycat: um sorta (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: yea it's fine (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: yes (10:08pm)
vj pussycat: the recorded layer is a little too loud with your mica (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: Kiko would love this (10:09pm)
vj pussycat: ha (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: validation (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: better (10:10pm)
vj pussycat: eh (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: dead air (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: where's Gil Scott heron (10:11pm)
vj pussycat: I think this is robo dj now (10:12pm)
Split Grip: yea (10:12pm)
vj pussycat: right? (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: cmon karen get your tech together! (10:13pm)
vj pussycat: yes (10:15pm)
vj pussycat: good job. I knew you could do it (10:15pm)
vj pussycat: ok two buttons (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: maybe it's three buttons (10:16pm)
vj pussycat: feedback loop y'all (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: yea robo dj is gone (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: now if we could only get rid of that douce (10:18pm)
vj pussycat: douche (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: sorry (10:19pm)
vj pussycat: oh yea, that hadron collider's really helping matters (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: so, now that all that broadcasting shit is figured out, are you taking callers too (10:21pm)
vj pussycat: never forget (10:24pm)
vj pussycat: sounds as good as studio (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: robodj returns (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: two buttons Pete!!! (10:39pm)
Karen Carpenter: on it! (10:39pm)
vj pussycat: yer back (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: ? (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: no maybe not (10:40pm)
vj pussycat: but could be (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: but probably not (10:41pm)
vj pussycat: please stand by (10:41pm)
Karen Carpenter: working on it (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: standing by... (10:47pm)
Karen Carpenter: you're missing a technically great show in our headphones (10:47pm)
vj pussycat: podcast (10:48pm)
Karen Carpenter: soon (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: it's not the same when it's not live tho (10:49pm)
Karen Carpenter: ok, very soon (10:49pm)
vj pussycat: ok then (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: do tell (10:51pm)
vj pussycat: yea (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: quit pressing the buttons (10:52pm)
vj pussycat: robo (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: again (10:53pm)
Karen Carpenter: ok it (10:57pm)
Karen Carpenter: on iy (10:57pm)
Karen Carpenter: on it (10:57pm)
vj pussycat: does it smell like hot yoga (11:06pm)

It is 3 and a half weeks since radio school started and time to inform management where their DJs have been. Also what they have been. And why they have been. Finally how have they been. Trust us, the answers are not going to shock you. Certainly that thing in Nevada increased truancy, but even as they skipped paying Juan Rapido school dues, who can afford to get dirty with billionaires, celebrities and billionaire celebrities anymore? As far as we can tell, only enormously wealthy Doctor Hal went on the dirt vacation, yet DJ requests for show reruns has reached an all time high. Time to crack down, knuckle under, nose to grindstone, shoulder to wheel, roll up your sleeves and sharpen that No.2 pencil, as tenured instructors Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly waste the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to enlighten the radio children on the importance of basic hygiene, digital compliance and most importantly, doing your fucking show.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Not even lukewarm for teacher.

Chatroom History
September 9, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
vj pussycat: hi I'm back (10:27pm)

While the 20th century witnessed many experiments in communal Utopian living, the great wave which founded the 19th-century religious, secular, and radically self-relian utopian communities had begun to subside. Some of the 19th-century groups were established and depended on the strength of their leaders, those which survived into the 20th century had to alter their way of life significantly, as traditional rural life evolved due to the industrial, economic and scientific progress in the larger society, as well as a lack of wi-fi. General causes relating to the demise of these utopian colonies have to be explained individually, as each Utopian community faced different circumstances, often but not always involving bedbug incursions.

On the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, we will attempt to find a single unifying reason to why Utopian societies never work out. The answer is a mystery that nobody has ever been able to solve -- what could be the fatal flaw? -- but Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will give it their best shot.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: No, really, it'll totally work this time.

Chatroom History
September 2, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: ro-butts (10:15pm)
playit!: play the message (11:00pm)
playit!: PLAYIT! (11:00pm)
Ken: Ephemerisle (11:15pm)

In recent months NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND's market capitalization has risen to historic levels not seen in the normally low power FM community. While this activity is justified by the acquisition of Blue Chip performers, such as Ralph Carney, Jeff Krulik, Kurt Stenzel and Banksy, the spill-over effect of overheated activity has also increased interest in other Radio Valencia assets which have not experienced any quality-related revenue enhancement. Consequentially, the long-anticipated move to exercise stock options by executives Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly, while sensible and prudent, has influenced the current sell-off. We can try to put this community radio’s roller-coaster ride of late into perspective during this FINAL BROADCAST, especially for nervous investor-listeners who may have not been paying close attention to the world until just a few days ago.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: 401-Kthxbye.

Chatroom History
August 26, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006: The check bounced.... (10:56pm)
Sesame Street alien: Bruce Wayne? (11:26pm)
Sesame Street alien: Nah. (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: I like show (11:46pm)

IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL NHLG DO?, Tonight on Radio Valencia!

ARE YOU WEARY IN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTMEN?

(1) Things a good parent wants for his children:

A. That they be saved. B. That they live a Christian life. C. That they come to marriage pure and virtuous. D. That they DO NOT listen to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. R. That they have something to live and die for.

(2) There are footmen loose in America who do not intend for our children to have and be above things:

A. Public School System. B. Television. C. Rock and Roll Music. D. Movies. E. Recreation. F. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly. G. Fashion designers. H. Liquor crowd.

HOW WILL YOU CONTEND WITH THE HORSES?

(1) Their goal is world domination by 1972. (2) They are now engaged in a world wide hate campaign against America. (3) They are attempting to sabotage Radio Valencia's application for a LPFM license. (4) They keep running promos saying that station was once on 87.9FM, when that of course never happened.


NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: For the purposes of this episode, there's no such thing as the Church of the SubGenius.

Chatroom History
August 19, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Karen Carpenter: running blind in the studio tonight... let us know if we sound blind (10:01pm)
vj pussycat: tiresome (10:31pm)
Karen Carpenter: thx (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: happy belated. how was your bday? mine sucked (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: sorry, I was going to call in earlier when you asked about my bday, but couldn't at the time. now it's almost midnite (11:51pm)
vj pussycat: so, I was working a mermen gig at a stupid festival outside of Nevada city (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: I wanted to call tonight to talk about the bug plague on the playa this year. maybe next week... (11:53pm)

The first Radio Valencia comptroller primary debates, hosted by Fox News and Facebook in conjunction with the Ohio Republican Party, were held at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio on Aug. 6. A new poll from Public Policy Polling reveals that John Hell is currently trailing in head-to-head match-ups in Iowa against four inanimate objects: a pencil, a chair, a minibar and a ceramic coaster. Hell's opponents, DJ Deadair and the late Don Joyce, also outpolled him. Two new polls appear to be bad news for Juan Rapido, showing he would easily win, despite his continued denials of running for re-election. However, presumptive frontrunner, candidate KrOB told Greta Van Susteren tonight that not only is NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to blame for the rise of ISIS, they still has no strategy to deal with the terror group other than turn their FINAL BROADCAST up to the highest low power setting allowed.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Go ahead and throw away your vote.

Chatroom History
August 12, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Captain Phillips: FUCK PIRATES (10:12pm)
nexus006: KNob is owned by the bacon hotdog cart cartel... (10:15pm)
bigfatoldmoozer: violence ! ! ! aaaa (10:21pm)
bigfatoldmoozer: republicans should be eaten by moutain lions and centipedes (10:25pm)
bigfatoldmoozer: man now i gotta eat, these people are making me hunger for human flesh !! (10:26pm)
Sesame Street alien: damn, just learned of ceiling collapse at First Ave in Mpls. memories there (10:34pm)
nexus006: We're all losers here tonight. (11:47pm)
vj pussycat: damn that went fast (11:59pm)

The annual J-POP SUMMIT Festival is happening this weekend! If you don't know what that is, you're probably not Sherilyn, and you're probably not as disappointed as she is that it's at Fort Mason this year rather than Japantown. But on tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Aomoji-kei padawan Sherilyn Connelly along with gaijin Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc will take you through everything you need to know about Japanese pop culture from over the past year, at least as it pertains to our special guest star, Vocaloid icon Miku Hatsune! Or not, since she's a computer-generated character. But in a way, aren't we all? (Your mind: BLOWN.)

HANA NO KE-KUZU-SEN: Sakende mita Megahon wa kowareteta no.


Chatroom History
August 5, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: art bell's topic tonight: is the earth flat (10:03pm)
Space: and the earth IS fat (10:14pm)
Space: How do you think they did that? (10:16pm)
Space: Movies have 24 mins dark,,,,,,,,,,,fuck that s--t. (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: now what will you do for your birthday (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: why does the guest have to do the recording anyway (10:21pm)
Alan B.: Fuuuuuuu. Are we rolling? (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Happy birthday, Pete. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: Hi, vj pussycat. (10:22pm)
Alan B.: I hope someone is recording this damn thing. (10:22pm)
vj pussycat: app works (10:23pm)
Alan B.: Site works. (10:23pm)
Alan B.: But the recorder is still fubar? (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: operator error (10:23pm)
vj pussycat: but how are his burgers (10:24pm)
Alan B.: What we computer assholes call an ID10T error. (10:24pm)
Alan B.: "Bob's" burgers? (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: maybe app is broken (10:25pm)
Alan B.: Juan Rapido is not your dad, nor your help desk. (10:25pm)
vj pussycat: that was the third try (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Oh, I see. The content on the site is stuck on Aug. 5. (10:26pm)
Kat Herding: what did I mess? (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Or your boss. (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: hi (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: Alan (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: b (10:26pm)
Alan B.: Kat! Salut! (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: where (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: you (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: been (10:26pm)
Kat Herding: Salut! (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: I write that five times (10:27pm)
Kat Herding: is there a salut bar? (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: I loved that's incredible (10:27pm)
vj pussycat: how come half my posts don't post (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: ha that one worked (10:29pm)
Alan B.: Because this is the heat death of Radio Valencia. (10:29pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1SRC5Ri (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: and that one too (10:29pm)
vj pussycat: oh great thanks alan b. there goes hours of productivity (10:30pm)
Alan B.: tee hee (10:30pm)
vj pussycat: HAHAHAJAHAA (10:31pm)
Kat Herding: is this a radio show about a hologram J-pop concert? (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Fat Pete. (10:31pm)
vj pussycat: old and fat (10:31pm)
Alan B.: Let's fat shame Pete. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: where do fat guinea pigs get their clothes (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: he started it (10:32pm)
Kat Herding: a group of people fight to survive in a zombie infested town. (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: mmmmmmm (10:32pm)
Alan B.: Do brains make you fat? (10:33pm)
vj pussycat: depends who's brains you eat (10:33pm)
Alan B.: I wanted to be fat too, so I got a peanut butter with butter on wheat. (10:36pm)
Alan B.: CLOSE YOUR LAPTOPS AND ENGAGE! (10:38pm)
Alan B.: There's no percentage in being a smart libertarian. (10:40pm)
Alan B.: This is ageist and fat shaming, all in one show. (10:41pm)
Alan B.: I get treated like a jerk every time I call, so I will just be a jerk privately. (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: 2cb (10:46pm)
Alan B.: http://on.fb.me/1KS6DLq (10:47pm)
Alan B.: This is Sparklepony shaming. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: This post is Sparklepony-shaming. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Fuck the police, BobMarc, I love this post so much I'm gonna marry it. (10:48pm)
Alan B.: Pete's fat and has a bad ticker. (10:49pm)
Alan B.: Holy shit, BobMarc and I are the same damn age. Old. But not Pete-old. (10:50pm)
Alan B.: The Excellence Committee (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Marc is a generous and gentle lover. (10:56pm)
Alan B.: Hey, that's not totally racist. (11:00pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1KS7xHW (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: L=R R=L (11:01pm)
Alan B.: for vj (11:01pm)
vj pussycat: hahaha (11:01pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1KS7zzB (11:02pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1KS7ICZ (11:05pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1KS7PhS (11:07pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1M6AGk4 (11:20pm)
Alan B.: Listener inbound (11:22pm)
Alan B.: Not gonna lose weight smokin' those hadrons. (11:25pm)
Alan B.: http://bit.ly/1M6BMwk (11:33pm)
Alan B.: It's the only way I can hear the show. (11:38pm)
Alan B.: We wouldn't know. (11:44pm)
Alan B.: G'nite, all. (11:54pm)
nexus006: So were any volcadroids harmed in the taping of this fiasco? (11:56pm)
Alan B.: Derezzed. (11:57pm)

Let's get this right out front... NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is not a jazz show. This is nothing to brag about, even if it is the only thing in common with every other show on Radio Valencia. Maybe it is something to brag about. After all, everyone who loves jazz can't stop themselves from putting on Miles Davis's 'Round About Midnight ("vinyl, you bastard!"), while pontificating on origin of Parker's nickname, arguing the order in which one must play Coltrane, eventually getting around to whether white folks can even hear the same notes that the make it just so very right. Some ignorant honky might claim jazz is nothing more than a lot of tunes nonsensically played on top of each other, and even though that's the same complaint NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND gets every week, that don't make it true true or not not. All that is guaranteed about the FINAL BROADCAST is that Karen Carpenter and Sherilyn Connelly will be ultra nice to serious guest Ralph Carney, because he might be, you know, Irish.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We will read Ralph's wiki page before the show, promise.

Chatroom History
July 29, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
nexus006 : Jam-Tron 2015!! (10:58pm)
vj pussycat: Ralph carney is there? how fun (11:14pm)

Now, get the podcasts that have America's temperature rising -- the hottest shows on Radio Valencia at a cool price! It's all part of this great offer from Lintglandia House Podcast Club. To get any 12 of these podcasts now, just send $2.85 to the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, and enjoy premium show from such top podcasters as Dionne Warwick, Karen Carpenter, Neil Diamond, Bob-Marc, Conway Twitty, Sherilyn Connelly, and more. Order now!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Plus $40/month for shipping and handling.

Bob Hope, Paul Lynde, Buddy Hackett, Mel Brooks, Dom DeLuise, Carol Burnett, Jerry Lewis, The Solid Gold Dancers, Art Carney, Jack Benny, Dick Cavett, Jimmy Durante, Fred MacMurray, Ed McMahon, Carrot Top, Don Rickles, Farrah Fawcett, Dick Clark, Jack Paar, The 1986 NY Mets, Dean Martin, Henny Youngman, Muhammad Ali, Ray Charles, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Professor Irwin Corey ... were all invited guests on the 25th ANNIVERSARY and FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. All graciously declined, the most common reasons being "not currently breathing", "booked at the Bellagio through 2100", and "with Carrot Top? Fuck that!". So join celebrities Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly as they reminisce about aging Radio Valencia founder Chicken John, retiring Comptroller Juan Rapido and, or course, Dr. Fiasco.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We just got a 'maybe' from The California Raisinettes!


Chatroom History
July 15, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: ooh lets talk mormon (10:02pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: Clearly he didn't realize you had this bully pulpit. (10:30pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: INTERIM (10:43pm)
vj pussycat: that's OUR birthday karen (10:45pm)
vj pussycat: coincident? or is it? (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: penultimate special number (11:20pm)
vj pussycat: I have to work. mermen playing in Nevada city (11:21pm)
vj pussycat: on my I mean our birthday (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: some of that was Hal's show (11:24pm)

Aristotle (384-322BC) and other ancient philosophers such as Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly believed that force is always required for movement of body but no equation was formulated for such perception in antiquity. Galileo (1664-1727) argued against the idea and maintained that under specified hypothetical conditions body can move with uniform velocity without any force (if once set in motion). Newton (1642-1727) formulated equation F = ma, for Galileo’s hypothesis. In definition of inertial mass (m = F/a), the denominator acceleration becomes zero under some conditions. The situation was similar (division by zero) with Einstein’s model of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND involving the Cosmological Constant, which was then purposely withdrawn by Einstein. Exactly similar is the situation in case of inertial mass, the acceleration (a) becomes zero when velocity is uniform. The division by zero in Einstein’s equations lead to acceptance of doctrine of Expanding Universe, similarly division by zero Second Law of Motion ( m = F/a) lead to equation of force which supports the perception of force and motion in pre-Galileo’s or Aristotle’s days.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Wait, you divided by zero? Oh shi--


Chatroom History
July 8, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Snups: This is some really heavy mental shit! (10:07pm)
Snups: Countable and uncountable (10:07pm)
Snups: I'm learning so much... (10:11pm)
Snups: ...from the porn in another window (10:11pm)
Snups: Huh? (10:13pm)
Snups: Wait go back to one. (10:15pm)
Snups: NaN (10:17pm)
Snups: Can you post these as examples in Python? (10:17pm)
Snups: Have you ever actually tried to listen to your show? (10:19pm)
Karen Carpenter: let me ask your mom (10:27pm)
Snups: That was me. (10:34pm)
Snups: What's it look like? (10:34pm)
nexus006: Krob gigs you fucks! (11:02pm)
Sesame Street alien: Dwarves with sWords. (11:38pm)

Well, good news everybody! I like the new season of True Detective so much that tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of the "radio" show on NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is certain to delight you... and by delight, we mean you will be so moved at the sheer brilliance that you will be writing phrases like:

" supremely unimpressed"
" unrelenting noir-flavored obfuscation"
" trying to pass as some vague sort of profundity"
" boring"
" propitious"

...and "sad as Colin Farrell's droopstache".

While KrOB and Puzzling Evidence are left wondering why Karen Carpenter couldn't shut up sooner.

Chatroom History
July 1, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: are y'all even there? (11:24pm)
Kaaren: yup we are here (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: colliding hedrons (11:28pm)
Kaaren: maybe (11:29pm)
vj pussycat: uh huhhhh (11:30pm)
Karen Carpenter: coaling station (11:33pm)
vj pussycat: miner (11:34pm)
Karen Carpenter: suicide booths (11:35pm)
vj pussycat: built in grave (11:35pm)
Perfect_Timing: Dr. Archer? (11:38pm)
Perfect_Timing: Can we talk about phrasing? (11:38pm)
Karen Carpenter: soon (11:41pm)
Dr Phrase: No Speak of my Life! (11:41pm)
Perfect_Timing: Danger Zone.... (11:41pm)
King Of Pink: Sure (11:41pm)
King of Presents: It's not hal's show (11:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: That no one knows you're a dog. (11:43pm)
Perfect_Timing: Wait... That's the internet. (11:43pm)
InnerNet: Wha?! (11:43pm)
X-Day: is so over (11:44pm)
Taylor Swift : I love the show (11:45pm)
Perfect_Timing: Ladies and gentleman... I give you.... LETHAL CHAMBER! (11:45pm)
Perfect_Timing: My bad. (11:46pm)
Perfect_Timing: I'm working on it. (11:46pm)
It: ? (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: The seven pillars of pirate radio? (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: Ladies and gentlemen: SHARIA POWER! (11:47pm)
nexus006: Did I miss any contractor talk? (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: Okay, it's neither pirate, nor radio... Discuss. (11:47pm)
Perfect_Timing: Human mic-stand. (11:48pm)
Perfect_Timing: Voices of Death (11:51pm)
Perfect_Timing: If he remembers it even now... (11:51pm)
Perfect_Timing: *even (11:52pm)
Perfect_Timing: First they came for my Holiday Special VHS... And I said nothing... (11:57pm)
Perfect_Timing: Sounds like Michael Caine. (11:58pm)
Perfect_Timing: One of the other 17 million snotty British men... (11:58pm)
Perfect_Timing: Sean Bean? (11:59pm)

Welcome to your first professional lesson in mastering home video games! We don't mean just mastering the basics of gameplay like some schmuck, but learning those super-strategies, those little-known tricks and secrests, those techniques that will take you farther into each game program on today's agenda than you've ever been before.
Armed with the information you'll learn on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, your scores should increase dramatically. You'll see all the games in action, sometimes in slow-motion, so don't be afraid you'll miss something, n00b. Just keep you ears on the screen and your eyes on the sound of Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly's voices as they demonstrate their techniques for you.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: But please, for the love of god, do not grab your joystick.

Chatroom History
June 24, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Dr. Penny: 313 (10:23pm)
Perfect_Timing: I hate driving.... (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: 313 vs. how many pages for the Atari 2600 (10:24pm)
Dr. Penny: 6 pages, but small print (10:39pm)

The French loan phrase faux pas (literally false step) is a noun meaning a social blunder or indiscretion. The plural form is spelled the same, but while the singular faux pas is pronounced foh-PAH, the plural faux pas is pronounced foh-PAHZ. Meaning for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, you shall not know if it is one faux pas or several until you listen. Also, contractor talk.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Well, excuse me.


Chatroom History
June 17, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Jack Offman: I'm whippin' it now listening to you guys (11:10pm)
Jack Offman: you said HARD drive (11:10pm)
Jack Offman: I look at the same picture evrey day (11:11pm)
Jack Offman: Oops - dropped my seed in the porn farm (11:12pm)
Jack Offman: Oops I just deleted my porn (11:13pm)
Jack Offman: like a metaphor of a story telling the dubious tale of tastefully treat reaming your hind's mind-crack all day (11:16pm)
Jack Offman: Get your red hot SubGenius Skull Farming Tree Walking Brain Socket (11:17pm)
Jack Offman: The Puzzling Evidence Show is their other hole for repeal of time's nose reaming buttlery and needlessly decorated costume of your hind's mind-crack (11:18pm)
nexus006: I guess I'll hear this train wreck on the podcast. (11:59pm)

The accordion has become the drum of the mind's ear. That's why I refuse to appear on radio, except the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND. Of course, Hohner was not the name I was born with. That's my accordion name. Soon all of us will have special names, names designed to cause the crystal radio to resonate. After all, there is nothing real outside our perception of reality, is there? You can hear that, can't you?

The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the accordion arena — the Polkadrome. The accordion is part of the physical structure of the brain, therefore whatever the accordion plays emerges as raw experience for those who listen to it, especially Sherilyn Connelly. Therefore the accordion is reality, and reality is less than the accordion.


Chatroom History
June 10, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Karen Carpenter: tracking delay now whitey (10:00pm)
Karen Carpenter: excellent (10:00pm)
this track is so : quotable (10:01pm)
Karen Carpenter: I wonder if :: is in the studio, since I am not (10:03pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Dude, I have Hadrons (10:03pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Whatever you're playing, it's great (10:04pm)
what: ever (10:04pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Make the show 2 hours of this and you're done. (10:04pm)
Karen Carpenter: make the show 2 hrs of talking about doing this for 2 hours (10:04pm)
then: talk about that and you're done. (10:05pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Or you can play this: http://bit.ly/1TcFZBW (10:05pm)
only: posts made to the Facebook invite will be considered. (10:06pm)
Karen Carpenter: mst gentle into the MANIAC we go (10:13pm)
3: K (10:14pm)
Dr. Fiasco: How come the less you talk the better the show is? (10:15pm)
as long as it isn't: country or rap... (10:20pm)
Dr. Penny: Now once they finish refreshing the ice on the rink, the skaters can return. (10:59pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Is this KrOB? (11:15pm)
vj pussycat: hi kiko (11:16pm)
KrOB Is: Not in the Studio. (11:21pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Methinls KrOB is in the studio and Karen Carpenter took a vacation (11:26pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Hi Jamie! (11:26pm)
vj pussycat: maybe it's robodj (11:28pm)
Dr. Fiasco: nah this has the KrOB signature all over it (11:31pm)
Speaking as someone in the studio: I can assure you KrOB is not. (11:31pm)
vj pussycat: of course it does. I spoke in jest. the 'booooring' is a dead giveaway (11:33pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I love robodj (11:33pm)
Dr. Fiasco: How many version of this polka can there be? (11:42pm)
Dr. Fiasco: apparently, infinity. (11:44pm)
Dr. Fiasco: and how can KrOB be both at the show and not? (11:44pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Because he is KrOB (11:44pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Karen is not in tonight, that much I can tell you. (11:45pm)
vj pussycat: this is the longest version of bbp I've ever heard. the two hour version (11:52pm)
vj pussycat: sounds like herb albert (11:53pm)
Dr. Fiasco: another one: http://bit.ly/1GzXE2U (11:57pm)
vj pussycat: great mashup (11:57pm)
Dr. Fiasco: play my music, or I won't "like" the show (11:58pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Following this show, 2 hours of Who Stole the Kishka (11:58pm)
Dr. Fiasco: I'm liking the show all right. Nice job , KrOB (11:58pm)
vj pussycat: wow, that was quick. time for PE (11:59pm)
vj pussycat: show starts now (11:59pm)
: bit.ly/1GzXE2U: think (11:59pm)

The modern age has given us a measure for the volume of information, that being the googol... however, no progress has been made on the measure of the lack of information. Until now, that is. Let's start by example with a few simple, but far-fetched interznet searches:

Elephant Saddles? 391,000 hits.
Lite Punk? 1,270,000 hits.
Affordable San Francisco Apartments? 9,110,000 hits.

Hmmm... those three very unlikely word combinations produce lots of hits. What about some things that absolutely cannot exist:

Nonconformist Hipster? 81,000 hits.
Compassionate Conservative? 807,000 hits.
Lotto Winners? 2,030,000 hits.

OK, clearly this is going to be a challenge to anyone, EXCEPT informatics specialists Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Sherilyn Connelly, who for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND will show you how easy it is to be original.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: just try "Celebrity Endorsement Paid by NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND"

Chatroom History
June 3, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Youtube: removes for copyright infringement, not length of subscribtion time (10:20pm)
vj pussycat: oh shit (10:24pm)
Puzzling Evidence: He did mothik but in-fark. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Lock-out. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Not Me. Him (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Make door Easy. (10:25pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Music too loud over voices facseee (10:26pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Be Good Radio. (10:26pm)
vj pussycat: give the door a quaalude (10:27pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Sorry. My Music was. (10:27pm)
Puzzling Evidence: Where is Bjork. (10:27pm)
Alan B.: Not Me, either. (10:28pm)
Alan B.: Us, also. (10:29pm)
Dealy Plaza: in me. (10:30pm)
Zen: You're all present. (10:30pm)
Jesus Christ: Thanks (10:32pm)
vj pussycat: ear wax (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: is what you want (11:08pm)
vj pussycat: smoke it (11:18pm)
vj pussycat: I've only been gifted but I think it's like 20-40/g (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: it's creamy hash (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: let's talk about GoT (11:22pm)
vj pussycat: you could but (11:23pm)
plorf: this shit is rivetting (11:38pm)
plorf: rumple (11:39pm)
plorf: going back to my movie (11:39pm)
plorf: put the water in the hot tub (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: there's my arduino (11:58pm)

As Roll-Oh's little brother and sister robots continue to take make the lives of harried housewives a bit more leisurely, they're also planning for their eventual dominance. They're made of metal and we're not, so, game over. And leading the vanguard is the humble Roomba, who goes about its business of cleaning up after you and your disgusting biologicalness

Really, think about it: You grind up bits of plants and animals with your teeth, then secrete saliva to force it down your esophagus into a pit of digestive acids. You can't even stand to think about it yourself, can you? What a repulsive creature you are, constantly shedding your skin and hair, leaving your oily sweat on everything you touch. You think that you are the height of intellect in the universe, but you are no better than any filthy animal, and certainly not superior automated vacuum cleaners.

On tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, bipedal dander-farms Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will teach you everything you need to know to prepare for the reign of the underfoot crumb-suckers. (Teaching cats to ride Roombas is not included.)

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAD: Open Roomba's brush cage and clean the brushes once in a while, you filthy cretin.


Chatroom History
May 27, 2015 10:00pm - 12:30am
Sesame Street alien: "breedar" (10:17pm)
vj pussycat: sullied (10:23pm)
Karen Carpenter: THe UNsullied (10:38pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: I'm real. (10:38pm)
Scary Tyler Moore: Ro-BO. (10:42pm)

59. Secretary, or Clerk. The recording officer is variously called Clerk, or Secretary, or Recording Secretary (where there is also a Corresponding Secretary), or Recorder, or Scribe, etc. The secretary is the recording officer of the radio station and the custodian of its records except such as are specifically assigned to others, as the treasurer's books. These records are open, however, to inspection by any member at reasonable times, and where a committee needs any records of a society for the proper performance of its duties, they should be turned over to its chairman. The same principle applies in boards and committees, their records being accessible to members of the board or committee, as the case may be, but to no others.

In addition to keeping the records of the podcast and the minutes of the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, it is the duty of the secretary to keep a register, or roll, of the members and to call the roll when required; to notify officers, committees, and delegates of their appointment, and to furnish committees with all papers referred to them, and delegates with credentials; and to sign with the president (don't call him the boss) all orders on the treasurer authorized by the society, unless otherwise specified in the by-laws. Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly should also keep one book in which the constitution, by-laws, rules of order, and standing rules should all be written, leaving every other page blank; and whenever an amendment is made to any of them, in addition to being recorded in the minutes it should be immediately entered on the page opposite to the article amended, with a reference, in red ink, to the date and page of the minutes where it is recorded.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Without order, it's chaos.

Chatroom History
May 20, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
Kat Herding: corporate messaging FTW (10:02pm)
Karen Carpenter: pull a cluetrain, why don't ya? (10:04pm)
vj pussycat: what?! philo's leaving?!! : ( (10:40pm)
tontine: It's a tontine (10:45pm)
vj pussycat: kpfa always cuts out puzzling evidence outtro music now (10:46pm)
tontine: And they're people you know. (10:48pm)
vj pussycat: thx karen. implying I'm below average (10:48pm)
tontine: sell the listener! (10:49pm)
tontine: Take my class! (10:49pm)
tontine: Arduino was the bar the inventors hung out in. (10:49pm)
tontine: It's an investment thing. (10:50pm)
tontine: They all invest in a company. (10:50pm)
vj pussycat: you said duty (10:53pm)
vj pussycat: so sad about PHILO (11:13pm)
tontine: No, he was walking down the street. (11:28pm)
vj pussycat: can you get tickets to am assassination? (11:31pm)
tontine: I got kicked out of the weeblos. (11:34pm)

Shhhhhhh! Quiet! Do not read this secret message aloud. Your physical existence is at stake. Do not place this message within a strong gravitational field. Avoid all forms of extreme and/or coherent energy. Electromagnetic radiation subject to deflection by solar-level masses must not be used. Even thought experiments run the risk of a spacetime violation. Message begins now:

Arise, fellow citizens! For 100 years, since the unkempt tyrant Einstein placed us under the oppression of "General" Relativity, we have lived with the ever-present fear of Paradox. BUT... have you ever seen a paradox? Did you ever notice in a falling elevator any sense of acceleration? Has our Good Earth actually warped spacetime so that plummet to certain death is curved? Looks straight to me! And when I look at the elevator floor, is the reflected light actually red-shifted as it climbed up from the gravity well? I don't think so. And that shaking and jiggling, is that due to gravitational waves from nearby merging neutron stars? Pshaw, didn't feel a thing! Finally, who the hell is this chopped-off Austrian Semite to tell me that light from my candle can go 299,792,458 meters per second, but never, ever, EVER go 300,000,000 meters/second? Where do you buy your candles, Einstein? Sounds more like can'tdles to me!

Tonight, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, you will join classical physicist Karen Carpenter, Keplerian Bob-Marc, Euclid-loving Sherilyn Connelly (and just possibly the Impossibly Supermassive Black Hole, KrOB) for a return to the firm and sensible foundation of our fair and balanced world as we know it to be.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Turtles, all the way down.


Chatroom History
May 13, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am
vj pussycat: that's right karen carpenter (10:37pm)
vj pussycat: I have an arduino (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: it automates the rotation of my lazy Susan in my light show (10:44pm)
vj pussycat: I made it myself (10:45pm)
DJDEADHAIR: No! It does not masticate! That's the problem... but those are EXPEN$IVE (10:56pm)
vj pussycat: he should've left the chickens in the parking lot in yuba city (11:02pm)
vj pussycat: I think it's the last one (11:59pm)
vj pussycat: your show starts now (11:59pm)

Big changes are afoot at Radio Valencia (for those who consider the future of the station to be important, that is), but while questions of who's going to sign the lease and take on that responsibility and who will handle station finances, there's been a shocking lack of attention to basic radio station safety.

Lucky for you, on the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Sherilyn Connelly will teach you everything you need to know to keep safe and sound while you're going on about your important radio work. In addition to obvious hazards such as a slippery nitrous cannisters or an open file drawer, a modern radio station, may also contain hazards such as poor lighting, noise, poorly designed furniture and equipment, 180g vinyl of limited-release German techno, and robotic DJs which emit noxious gases and fumes. Even the nature of radio work itself has produced a whole host of stress-related symptoms and musculoskeletal strains, as well as a general feeling of tension, irritability, and worst of all, a lack of interest in station meetings.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Lift with your back, not with your knees.

Chatroom History
May 6, 2015 10:00pm - 1:30am

Flub: If I give up and go to bed now, will there be any listeners left? (11:57pm)
Flub: Damn, French music again. (11:59pm)
Flub: Makes me want to sexually harass a cat. (12:00am)
Flub: How much poop is in chicken's moustache? (12:09am)
Pooternales: The Puzzling Evidence Show abides....... (12:31am)