Strange as it may seem, Karen Carpenter and Bob-Marc live in San Francisco homes they own... but then again they are a highly skilled and over-paid building contractor and a male Martian Mission stripper, respectively. Dr. Fiasco, Mrs. Dr. Fiasco and the imminent Ms. Dr. Fiasco Jr. live in a typical Mission Modern rental apartment... 412 sq.ft. of family bliss wrapped in pink tile, drywall counter tops, iron security gates, pillows soaked with tears and a closet.... so everyone is experts on rentals. Join the radio crew this week, along with their guest SF Building Inspector Ron Whay and SPECIAL GUEST DJ GEEK FREAK, the only Scotsman known to own a tooth brush, as the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND explores what goes into an apartment unit to rationalize the rent crime.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Pulling a permit right now.


Chatroom History
April 18, 2012 10:00pm - 12:30am

Vj pussycat: I'm in Dallas (10:07pm)
Curmudge: Me too (10:12pm)
Vj pussycat: We're going to the grassy knoll (10:13pm)
Curmudge: $795 / 3br - GREAT 3 bd TWO STORY Duplex in Burleson w/ garage (10:19pm)
Curmudge: $775 / 2br - All This In One Great Home! (Northeast Dallas) (10:20pm)
Curmudge: $685 / 2br - 929ft² - 2 Bed / 2 Bath, $99 1st mo. rent! $100 deposit! (McKinney ) (10:21pm)
Vj pussycat: Burleson?! (10:24pm)
Curmudge: Burleson (10:24pm)
Vj pussycat: Are you a licensed agent? (10:26pm)
Vj pussycat: Skipped the knoll. Driving to Austin now (10:29pm)
Curmudge: No...these are from Craigslist (10:29pm)
Vj pussycat: See my pix (10:29pm)
Curmudge: I know that ball! (10:29pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh thx. I'm not looking but I did see a nice house for $299 in Knox/Henderson (10:30pm)
Curmudge: I work very near there (10:31pm)
Curmudge: Merkin!!! (10:31pm)
Vj pussycat: Yea but that giant bldg where the Jesus freaks used to wait for us while judas priest was playing is gone (10:31pm)
Vj pussycat: Really? I'll be back in Dallas on Monday. What to do? (10:32pm)
Curmudge: Who is Dusty Balls? (10:32pm)
Curmudge: I work at Good Records on Lower Greenville..after 2...stop by (10:32pm)
Curmudge: 10 minutes (10:33pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh I've been there I think. How long has it been there? (10:33pm)
Curmudge: 7 years in that location (10:33pm)
Curmudge: Good Latimer before that (10:33pm)
Vj pussycat: Is Bill's still around? (10:33pm)
Vj pussycat: Ah good latimer. (10:34pm)
Curmudge: Yes...he moved though...near Gilleys..and it is still a mess,and smoke filled (10:34pm)
Vj pussycat: Ahaha! (10:34pm)
Vj pussycat: Where now? (10:35pm)
Vj pussycat: Gilleys? (10:35pm)
Vj pussycat: Thought that was way the fuck out there (10:35pm)
Curmudge: Not sure of the address...but down by Paladium Ballroom (10:35pm)
Curmudge: Just south of 30 (10:36pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh yea (10:36pm)
Curmudge: 1317 South Lamar Street (10:36pm)
Vj pussycat: Wish I could go to Brian Jonestown massacre at the Granada but I'll be in Austin (10:37pm)
Curmudge: The new album is good (10:37pm)
Curmudge: Is there a show going on? (10:37pm)
Vj pussycat: Yes. Sunday I think (10:38pm)
Curmudge: No...I mean right now...here (10:38pm)
Vj pussycat: I want to hear it. Hey Dr. F! You got the new BJM record? (10:39pm)
Curmudge: Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman were at our store last night...she played for like an hour,and he sang too (10:39pm)
Vj pussycat: Cool. I don't know. I just left but drove by Granada earlier and saw sign (10:40pm)
Curmudge: We have about twelve bands playing Saturday for Record Store Day (10:40pm)
Curmudge: I worked at Granda for a minute or two a few years ago (10:41pm)
Curmudge: Granada (10:41pm)
Vj pussycat: Aw shitty timing! I'll be in Austin still. Actually driftwood for old settlers festival (10:42pm)
Curmudge: Well..stop by Monday if you get a chance,we are about a mile south of Granada...just south of the Taco Cabana (10:42pm)
Vj pussycat: It looks good. A friend said they're booking good shows there. I was surprised to see BJM on the marquee (10:43pm)
Curmudge: Yeah...it is a nice old theatre (10:43pm)
Curmudge: I have seen some good shows there (10:43pm)
Vj pussycat: I'll try. I'll be riding in with my dad. He's in the picture I posted before the downtown pix (10:44pm)
Curmudge: He looks crazy (10:44pm)
Vj pussycat: I don't recall seeing anything there but it would've been a long time ago (10:44pm)
Curmudge: good crazy (10:45pm)
Vj pussycat: Ahaha! We all are. Look at us! (10:45pm)
Curmudge: Porn is good money (10:46pm)
Vj pussycat: But he lives near the record store sort of (10:46pm)
Vj pussycat: On Travis (10:46pm)
Curmudge: Yeah...if you go down henderson to ross,turn left,then left on Greenville we are right there (10:49pm)
Curmudge: You on the I-35? (10:50pm)
Curmudge: divided by 3 (10:51pm)
Curmudge: multiplied by 7 (10:51pm)
Curmudge: then subtracted from 12 (10:51pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh cool. I'll see what I can do. Yep i35. Nice and quiet but NHLG keeps dropping out (10:52pm)
Curmudge: Yeah...they are a bunch of drop outs ... (10:52pm)
Curmudge: They flood? (10:53pm)
Curmudge: Fuscia (10:53pm)
Curmudge: Foosha (10:54pm)
Curmudge: Fewshaw (10:54pm)
Vj pussycat: Discos I typed discos and it wrote discos (10:54pm)
Vj pussycat: Discos (10:54pm)
Curmudge: Discos? (10:55pm)
Vj pussycat: No fuscia (10:55pm)
Vj pussycat: If I type discos it writes discos (10:55pm)
Curmudge: You can make bongs out of pvc tubing (10:55pm)
Vj pussycat: Lost them again (10:56pm)
Vj pussycat: You can make bongs out of just about anything (10:56pm)
Curmudge: True (10:57pm)
Vj pussycat: But don't recommend shampoo bottles (10:57pm)
Vj pussycat: Tastes like soap (10:57pm)
Vj pussycat: Solar panels (10:59pm)
Vj pussycat: Terrorists use them (10:59pm)
Vj pussycat: My fb picture (11:00pm)
Curmudge: Yeah...that plant just cloed down (11:00pm)
Curmudge: closed (11:00pm)
Vj pussycat: I'm in a Toyota (11:01pm)
Curmudge: I'm in a house (11:02pm)
Vj pussycat: Do terrorists drive houses? (11:03pm)
Curmudge: They use them for sleeper cells (11:03pm)
Vj pussycat: There's an app for that (11:04pm)
Vj pussycat: In Hillsboro now. Carl's corner (11:06pm)
Curmudge: Ah...yeaH (11:07pm)
vj pussycat: Mmm whataburger (11:12pm)
vj pussycat: My radio Valencia app broke (11:13pm)
vj pussycat: Waco 32 (11:14pm)
vj pussycat: JFK (11:15pm)
Dr. Fiasco: Hey Pussycat (11:19pm)
vj pussycat: Hey doctor. How's stuff? (11:20pm)
Curmudge: Hey Tiger (11:20pm)
Karen Carpenter: hey anyone (11:20pm)
Karen Carpenter: 420? HEINEKEN! (11:20pm)
Vj pussycat: I missed the show last week. I was (11:24pm)
Vj pussycat: I missed your show last week because I was at the firehose show (11:24pm)
Karen Carpenter: that was bob-marc's excuse (11:26pm)
Vj pussycat: It was good. Did he tell you? (11:26pm)
Karen Carpenter: I hate that guy (11:27pm)
Vj pussycat: Hey we could have NHLG listening party in Dallas next week (11:28pm)
Vj pussycat: Which one (11:28pm)
Curmudge: We could....maybe... (11:32pm)
Curmudge: That guy (11:32pm)
Curmudge: Thumper ...they never fix anything...false advertising (11:32pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh yea that guy. (11:33pm)
Vj pussycat: Yea the final broadcast listening party in Dallas (11:34pm)
Vj pussycat: But where? Oh shit I'll be stuck in Forney (11:35pm)
Curmudge: I actually live in Irving (11:35pm)
Vj pussycat: No wait that's Thursday (11:35pm)
Vj pussycat: Irving?! Six flags (11:36pm)
Vj pussycat: You commute for a record store? (11:36pm)
Curmudge: That is Arlington (11:36pm)
Curmudge: It is only a 15-20 minute drive (11:37pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh yea (11:37pm)
Vj pussycat: Oh without traffic (11:37pm)
Vj pussycat: WACO (11:37pm)
Curmudge: Well...we close at 11pm...so yeah (11:37pm)
Vj pussycat: DAVID KORESH (11:37pm)
Curmudge: FBI (11:37pm)
Vj pussycat: branch Dravidians (11:38pm)
Vj pussycat: No r (11:38pm)
Curmudge: Branch Klamidians (11:39pm)
Vj pussycat: :) (11:39pm)
Vj pussycat: Luby's (11:39pm)
Vj pussycat: Hang in there baby (11:39pm)
vj pussycat: Mmm vomit (11:41pm)
vj pussycat: Dallas. No McKinney (11:43pm)
Vj pussycat: Different time zone (11:48pm)
Curmudge: 2am Dallas time (11:49pm)
Curmudge: Flip this apartment (11:50pm)
juan rapido: 420, brah (11:50pm)
Curmudge: Shake and Bake (11:50pm)
juan rapido: what's 418? (11:52pm)
juan rapido: 420 minus two fingers in the ass (11:52pm)
juan rapido: pacalolo (11:52pm)
Vj pussycat: fIREHOSE was great (11:54pm)
Curmudge: I saw the Minutemen at the On Broadway once (11:54pm)
Vj pussycat: Fresno. Whatever (11:54pm)
Vj pussycat: What was on the Fresno poster Bob Marc? (11:54pm)
Curmudge: Brazilian Merkin wax (11:55pm)
Vj pussycat: I saw the minutemen at woodshock (11:55pm)
Curmudge: I loved SF in the early 80s...punk shows galore (11:55pm)
Vj pussycat: No who was on the Fresno poster? (11:56pm)
Vj pussycat: Woodshock was in dripping springs tx (11:56pm)
Vj pussycat: I was in Dallas in early 80s. Saw dead Kennedy's in front of city hall (11:57pm)
Curmudge: I remember that show (11:57pm)
Curmudge: No...never mind... (11:58pm)
Vj pussycat: Really? Oh (11:58pm)
Curmudge: Moscone Center (11:58pm)
Curmudge: SF (11:58pm)
Curmudge: Doh (11:58pm)
Vj pussycat: And I saw butthole surfers at VFW hall on cole ave (11:58pm)
Curmudge: Only been in Texas about 11 years (11:58pm)
Curmudge: I have never been to Burning Man (11:59pm)
Vj pussycat: I left about 21 years ago (11:59pm)
Curmudge: Texas is very forward thinking and progressive (11:59pm)
Vj pussycat: I have. This would be 17th year if I had a ticket (11:59pm)
Vj pussycat: You went from ca to tx? (12:00am)
Vj pussycat: Texas is weird (12:01am)
Curmudge: Yes (12:01am)
Vj pussycat: Aw NHLG is over :( (12:01am)
Curmudge: And I have been to burning man..went from 94 to 2000.... (12:02am)
Vj pussycat: I went from ca to tx back to ca (12:02am)
Curmudge: Worked for DPW last few years there (12:02am)
Curmudge: Founded Radio Free Burning Man with John Hell (12:03am)
Vj pussycat: Ok Dow (12:03am)
Vj pussycat: Dpw (12:03am)
Vj pussycat: And then you moved to Irving? (12:03am)
Curmudge: Anyhow....I need a hot steamy shower now. (12:03am)
Curmudge: Yes...but lived in Mendocino County before that (12:04am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: I got logged out (12:04am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: I like my new log in name (12:05am)
Curmudge: Ha (12:05am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Interesting radio record store Dpw dude (12:05am)
Curmudge: No...I need a shower because of 12 hour work day and sore muscles (12:05am)
Curmudge: Hope to see you in person soon (12:06am)
Curmudge: Good Night! (12:06am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Slingin records (12:06am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Good night have fun on record store day (12:06am)
Curmudge: I want it to be over...it is a beating,we do a months worth of business in 12 hours (12:07am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: I'll try (12:07am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: $$$$ (12:07am)
Curmudge: Yep...money...Texa$ (12:08am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Whataburger (12:10am)
Curmudge: I like Whataburger... (12:11am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Who doesn't? (12:12am)
Curmudge: One of the few places open 24 hours in Texas (12:12am)
Curmudge: Walmart and Whataburger (12:12am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Yes I love 24 hrs. What about waffle house or the metro (12:12am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Temple tx (12:13am)
Curmudge: Oh my...Waffle House...true white trash cuisine (12:14am)
Curmudge: Ok...signing off for real now (12:14am)
Curmudge: gnite (12:14am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Ok me too (12:14am)
Yes NHLG Is dirty: Later curmudge (12:15am)
Curmudge: Buh Bye (12:15am)
oij9hoi9: GV's an accent queen these days. What's he reading? (12:26am)
storytellers: neil gaiman (12:28am)
storytellers: some short story or other (12:29am)

Inspired, or perhaps humiliated by the recent announcement that Lou Reed will collaborate with Insane Clown Posse to produce something to "blow the fucking minds of anyone whose (sic) down with the clown and with 70's fag rock", the atrophied brains of Karen Carpenter, Bob Marc and Dr. Fiasco have cobbled together another lame excuse for a Show With No Expectations Whatsoever. Put on your headphones for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, settle into a hot tub of hydraulic fluid and ball bearings, light up a cupcake and kiss your cloaca goodbye.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: What?

The following is the incessant cater balling:
============================================
Curmudge: I was filing a tax extension,just tu\ned in. (10:19pm)
Tracy: tooty fruity.. (10:29pm)
Tracy: leather jackets oughta be outlawed (10:29pm)
Curmudge: Is this Lou Reed? (10:33pm)
Curmudge: Mustaine (10:38pm)
Curmudge: Not me (10:38pm)
wrybread: hey nice pic! (10:42pm)
Aslan: not me (10:43pm)
Tracy: terrible (10:45pm)
Tracy: entertaim me (10:46pm)
Tracy: n (10:46pm)
Curmudge: I can still hear you... (10:46pm)
Tracy: wont listen to this show? (10:47pm)
Tracy: not even a blowjob it worth 2 hours of nose hair lint gland (10:47pm)
Tracy: you lost your man cave (10:49pm)
Tracy: so sad (10:49pm)
Tracy: where is the cadle? (10:50pm)
Curmudge: He uses it as a changing table. (10:50pm)
Tracy: remte show from the baby oom (10:51pm)
Tracy: remote (10:51pm)
Curmudge: Manson was a good baby sitter (10:51pm)
Tracy: always is always forever (10:51pm)
Tracy: do you take requests? (10:52pm)
Curmudge: Stick to the script boys (10:52pm)
Curmudge: I%u2019m excited to be able to shake up the music scene once again by working with two artists that possess a rare gift: to create music without any concern for listenability.%u201D (10:53pm)
Curmudge: Freddy Prinze (10:55pm)
Curmudge: Are you hung up? (10:55pm)
Curmudge: See ...you went deaf (10:55pm)
Tracy: zzzzzz (10:56pm)
Tracy: get it tgether, boys (10:56pm)
Curmudge: I have seen Karen naked (10:59pm)
orc: *snorts (10:59pm)
orc: frank's still around? lol (11:00pm)
Curmudge: Mechanical Man (11:00pm)
orc: *snorts (11:01pm)
Curmudge: Garbage Dump (11:01pm)
orc: CUPCAAAAKES (11:01pm)
Curmudge: Yikes (11:02pm)
Curmudge: In and out (11:05pm)
orc: *snorts (11:13pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: I'm still here. (11:14pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: Siamese fighting fish (11:18pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: http://shittyporn.com/damt (11:20pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: I swear that's a link to wikipedia about siamese fighting fish. (11:21pm)
Curmudge: Yes it is (11:21pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: they are also known as betta fish. (11:22pm)
Tracy: betta than what? (11:23pm)
Curmudge: I like when you leave two of them alone,and come back to one and some fins floating in the water. (11:23pm)
Curmudge: The perfect show would be Fiasco and Carpenter fight to the death. (11:25pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: I'm afraid I have a vested interest in the outcome. (11:26pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: I would not be so happy to see Fiasco fins. (11:26pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: David Lee Roth used to be able to do a russian (name of the jump) (11:28pm)
Curmudge: Is this Lulu? (11:29pm)
Mrs. Dr. Fiasco: who is Lulu? (11:31pm)
Tracy: turn the volume up on hal (11:36pm)
Curmudge: Twisted Times...man that brings back memories... (11:38pm)
Curmudge: I smell a Fundraiser! (11:41pm)
Curmudge: A nervous titter ran through the room... (11:49pm)
Tracy: you almost made it through... (11:51pm)
Tracy: just a couple more minutes (11:52pm)
Tracy: hang your coats, then (11:52pm)
Tracy: wanna playsimon says? (11:53pm)
Tracy: simon says babble into a microphone (11:53pm)
Tracy: simon says don't (11:54pm)
Tracy: ok babble again... (11:54pm)
Curmudge: Lou Gainsborough (11:54pm)
Tracy: simon says babble (11:54pm)
Curmudge: Serge Reed (11:54pm)
Tracy: simon says talk about your childhood (11:55pm)
Tracy: simon says stop karen karpenter at all costs (11:56pm)
Tracy: 11:56 (11:56pm)
Tracy: 11:57 (11:57pm)
Tracy: 11:58 (11:58pm)
Tracy: 11:59 (11:59pm)
Tracy: outta here (11:59pm)
Curmudge: I can't hear you (11:59pm)
Tracy: yyyyaaayyy (12:00am)
98ypy8ty9: 2 or 3 (12:04am)
98ypy8ty9: not fair. you asked your audience to decide (12:04am)
storytellers: sorry! too slow! (12:09am)
storytellers: plus, that was the third one - so you wo n anyway (12:10am)
98ypy8ty9: "self-depreciating"? oh boy. (12:10am)
storytellers: don't be a dick (12:11am)
98ypy8ty9: self-depreciating. (12:11am)
98ypy8ty9: 7t83xc7tui (12:20am)
storytellers: send me a message justin! (12:22am)
soulsatzero: I like this cat's voice, he has good pacing. (12:25am)
98ypy8ty9: cat fight! (12:26am)
storytellers: yep, he's pretty good (12:26am)
98ypy8ty9: goooodvoice.... (12:26am)
storytellers: i'd like to have a manvoice like that. i'm stuck with the 12 year girl voice. le sigh. (12:26am)
98ypy8ty9: you want manvoice? that might be unsettling, since you're a woman. (12:27am)
soulsatzero: I on't have a good voice for reading, I sound like Woody Allen (12:27am)
storytellers: actually, i think it would be shocking hot (12:28am)
storytellers: you listened to light asylum lately? for a n example of woman with a shockinghot deep voice (12:28am)
98ypy8ty9: oh no, soulsatzero! you could read funny stories... (12:28am)
storytellers: if you sounded like woody allen, i wouldn't listen to you. and i listen to you. (12:29am)
98ypy8ty9: no. when's that? is it on radio valencia (12:29am)

Ramon was born in Nicaragua, Mexico. One day, Ramon saddled up his trusty burro Cervantes and whispered love songs of his native land in his long years until Cervantes decided to move. And together they rode across the desert and over the mountains until they reached a new country where Ramon established himself as the owner and operator of California's cheapest marina for semi-derelict boats.


Tune in for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to hear Karen Carpenter, Bob Marc, and Dr. Fiasco listen transfixed as Ramon, the Rusted Chassis Onassis expounds on Greek Bonds, sentimental advice and why everything that has "marine" in its name costs three times as much.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: "Every decision you make prunes the Tree of Life. Do it carefully and thoughtfully so most of the yard waste falls in your neighbor's backyard".

Can the Republican Party force all American citizens to listen to NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND every Wednesday? They did it in the Europe and ended up with Silvio Berlusconi, the Eurovision Contest and three toothbrushes to be shared by all of the UK. Should earphones be surgically implanted at birth? Do deaf people hate America?

These and other questions argued ineptly but with great confidence by legal experts Karen Carpenter, Bob Marc and Dr. Fiasco in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND in a final showdown of argumentative verbiage. Everyone is talking about anything else.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Get the Government Out of My Government Program!

Since that first day when a caveman expressed his low opinion of another by doing an interpretive dance signifying "may a sabre tooth tiger barf your partially digested remains on the tar pit where your father had intercourse with a trilobite", we've been at it and have never looked back.

In the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob Marc and Dr. Fiasco will continue insulting their audience as they always have by polluting the airwaves with the show, but now we are also going analytic. For instance, why is it that almost everyone enjoys having sex, but "fuck you" is offensive? Fuck me!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Where your Mom listens

The sluts of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND are squealing with joy at the announcement that Radio Valencia has signed Rush Limbaugh! Finally freed from thinking for themselves like college girls (college girls...get real!), Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Dr. Fiasco anxiously await Rush Limbaugh's expertise in Negros, ob/gyn, homos and the NFL. Dr. Limbaugh will also expound often on his new home base, San Sodom Frisco & Gomorrah, and will personally stalk, capture, slay and consume a Mission hipster during each show. Bon appetit!

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Your little blue pill.

(THIS JUST IN: We regret to inform you that Puzzling Evidence and KrOB will be playing the role of the Brazilian Asstronaut for tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LIMBAUGH GLAND)

I've been looking for my "No Jacket Required" cassette tape for a long time. Last time I saw it was 1987 and it was right next to my Pitfall Atari cartridge. But by systematically ruling out where it could not be, I found it. Inside a Huey Lewis cassette box. I'm so happy. I can listen to "Sussudio" again.

In this week's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Dr. Fiasco and SPECIAL GUEST KrOB bring you the latest in fresh old crap they found at Goodwill. Which is becoming rarer and rarer due to depletion of the Old Zone Layer by the Hipster Retro Industrial Re-Branding Complex. Yes, we came up with that one all by ourselves.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Where Retro Only Applies to pr0n.

In tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Dr. Fiasco and DJ Geekfreak examine the life and times of Bob Madigan, Detroit's Gift to Punk and recently departed San Francisco resident. We will remember the time when Bob pulled a gun on Phil Spector, barfed on Johnny Rotten, cheated on Scrabble with Klaus Fluoride, took a dump on GG Allin and realized every punk teenager's ultimate fantasy by ripping off Wendy O. William's electrical tape.

In short, Bob was Bob. And that's that.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Too soon.

It's the day after Valentine's, do you have a love hangover? This week on THE FINAL BROADCAST OF NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, and Dr. Fiasco share tales of bad love, and love songs gone bad. With their combined experience of 2 1/4 actual intimate encounters, they know that all is fair in love and war and that the winner takes all (half in California). Bedside assistance guaranteed with these other confusing love phrases:

... do you give love a bad name? (Hitler? Gingrich?)

... if you love something, let it go. (and if it returns, call the police)

... love ain't for keeping. (its for florists and de Beers)

... love stinks (i.e. santorum)

... you've got to hide your love away. (perhaps in the West Oakland Bart Station men's room)

Listening to this show will make you raise your fist against the heavens and cry out "I will survive!".

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Proud of our Walk of Shame.

For tonight's FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc, Dr. Fiasco and KrOB will passionately discuss the Super Bowl Halftime show, enjoy the latest food sensation (uncooked salad), thank the Lord for Tim Tebow, check out the latest VHS tapes at Blockbuster, empower themselves with a pink ribbon, read a tweet from Sarah Palin, get angry about the Burning Man ticket lottery, relive mind-bending events of The Cacophony Society, find a meaningful passage in The Book of the Is, plus lots and lots of other shit people say.

Yes, it's an entire evening of Popular Cultural References You Will Not Remember in 2 Weeks! It's like eating stryofoam.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: 15 minutes after listening, you will be asleep.

In the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob Marc and Dr. Fiasco unleash a torrent of feelings in the First Mexican Telenovela Made in Brazil and Spoken in English. Written by the All-Star team of screenwriters Ronin Martini and Ana Pands based in São Paulo, Brazil, whose credits do not include CITY OF GOD, CENTRAL STATION and RETURN OF THE BASTARD PART 2: DNA IS A BITCH, it will you send you into a maelstrom of emotions, a waterfall of tears, a hurricane of love, a tsunami of revenge, all of ineptly read with lots of reverb.

Gonzalo Gutierrez Rodriguez Gomez Lopez de Sanchez y Sargento Garcia is the heir of a rich Mexican family, the holders of the monopoly of Furbitos, the popular Central American electronic pet. Much to the chagrin of his family, Gonzalo is in love with Remedios, the daughter of a poor Acapulco fisherman, a man whose only claim to fame in life was to have been an extra in Elvis' movie.


Until one day...


NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: I'm your real mother!!!!

"What do you feel like doing tonight?"
"I don't know, Ange. What do you feel like doing?"

... why not join Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and KrOB as they celebrate the first 95 years of The Perfect One, Dear Leader, The Great borg9 !!! ALL HAIL borg9 !!!

What is this, you're scratching your head, but not ironically, and not because your wool cap itches? Come on, even the most jaded Mission hipster should know these characters:

Butcher Marty Piletti in "Marty", Sgt. "Fatso" Judson in "From Here to Eternity", journalist Harry Booth on "The Black Hole", King Ragnar in "The Vikings", Trucker Cobb in "The Flight of the Phoenix", General Worden in "The Dirty Dozen", defector spy Boris Vaslov in "Ice Station Zebra", Detective Lieutenant Mike Rogo in "The Poseidon Adventure," Jonathan Corbis in "The Devil's Rain", railroad dick Shack in "Emperor of the North", Cabbie in "Escape from New York", Dutch Engstrom in "The Wild Bunch", Coley Trimble in "Bad Day at Black Rock";

... and these are considered his chick flicks.

What about Army aviator Dominic Santini in "Airwolf", Lt. Commander Quinton McHale in "McHale's Navy", or Mermaid Man on "SpongeBob SquarePants"?

Still don't know who NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is honoring tonight on their FINAL BROADCAST? May a thousand tiny golden anvils rain down upon your head.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: We're going to smash you punks.

The talent and staff here at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND have decided to join all the other Internet Behemoths and GO BLACK on Wednesday, 18 January 2012. Now this is something they have all been hoping to do for some time (except Karen, but that was way before the Internet). There can be no better way of showing solidarity with the cause of Internet Equality than to GO BLACK. Some have said that joining those who GO BLACK might mean a loss of a certain innocence, but we welcome this opportunity to further the intercourse between our communities.

Tonight, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Bob-Marc and Dr. Fiasco use a worldwide socio-political phenomenon to get some street cred by turning the lights down.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Because Black is the new Black.

Old Man Zimmerman from Minnesota once said, "You don't need a weatherman to know which cloud to yell at!". We here at NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND yell at all of them... and there lies the problem. No clouds. No clouds means no rain... and no rain means California is just Nevada with way too many congressmen. You see, normally this time of year, a butterfly sneezes in Brazil and Dr. Fiasco burrows into the mud for a long winter nap. Instead, Fiasco is awake and restless, causing the neighborhood watch to freak out.


For their FINAL BROADCAST, Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and Bob-Marc, the brilliant talent of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND have partnered with J'Accuseweather to do something about it.

J'Accuseweather not only gives forecasts, but also lays the blame. Catastrophic floods in Thailand? ... too much lube in the sewers. Daffodils blooming in January? ... gay fertilizer. Bears wandering the aisles of Safeway instead of hibernating? ... gay fertilizer plus the Folsom Street Fair. Listen in tonight and like the Republican Party, we'll find someone to blame about the weather... probably the gays.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Drowning in a Desert of Denial

It's a new year, but before you get your hopes up, remember 2012 is also the FINAL year. Yes, according to the Mayans, the Romulans and the Cedar Rapids Iowa Elks Lodge Chapter 666, the end of the world is nigh. Speaking of predictions, this, the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, has a few predictions of its own. Listen in as hosts DOCTOR FIASCO, KAREN CARPENTER and the Mission Martian Hipster BOB-MARC predict the past, present and future. Any carnival prognosticator can predict the future but only NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND can give the listener predictions in 3-D, a multi-dimensional experience transcending time and space.

Be thrilled by KAREN CARPENTER'S past prediction that station manager and tea pot despot JOHN HELL had named this show more entertaining than a colonoscopy.

Wonder and be awed as DOCTOR FIASCO predicts that KAREN CARPENTER presently has no clue how to operate the Radio Valencia studio equipment.

Hold on to your hats as BOB-MARC sees into the future to predict that Chuck Norris will become the Republican Presidential nominee and will choose Victoria Jackson as his VP. BOB-MARC predict that Chuck's campaign slogan will be " Vote for me or I'll kick your ass" and his first as act president will be to challenge Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to a no holds barred death cage match of predictable stereotypical humor.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND is also thrilled to bring you special guest NICK ARNOLD WEIDINGER, Expert Futurologist, with his amazing insights into the future and explains why we will never have our own jet packs.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Radio only a mother could love.

Did you know that 51 billion dollars in gift certificates go unclaimed every year? That would be enough to keep Chicken John in fake engagement rings for an entire year.

Do not let this happen to you and call in during the FINAL BROADCAST to redeem your NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND gift card! You'll receive :

- Dr. Fiasco's hard-cover non-fiction thriller "D. Boon is the Jerry Garcia of Punk Rock". With large type and lots of figures.

- Bob-Marc, the Mission Martian Hipster's, screed "Why Does Dr. Fiasco Hate America?".

- 2 hours of labor for Karen Carpenter to come and rewire your home stereo. This also includes 4 hours of labor for someone qualified to do it properly later.

Call in and ask for Mr. Feng Shui Ramirez to redeem your gift while Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and Bob Marc turn the Radio Valencia Studios into a Turkish Bath with semi-celebrity guests FRANKENSTEIN JONES, LIQUOR PIG and Internet sensation MR. BAD. Also, there may be a rare sighting (or rather, hearing) of the elusive KrOB which may or may not land in the neighborhood during his seasonal migration from Monaco to Jackson Hole.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, if Radio got any better than this, it'd be in Braille

ON December 29, 2010, for the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, peripatetic hosts Karen Carpenter and Dr. Fiasco proclaimed 2012 "THE YEAR OF KIM-JONG-IL". Well, they delivered on 51/52nds of their promise and that's a lot better then the US Congress. In a touching tribute to the FINAL YEAR of champion golfer and friend of the show Kim Jong-Il, The Democratic People's Republic of Korea banned entertainment during the 11 day mourning period, causing listenership of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND to skyrocket.


Also striving to be part of any happy ending, Karen & Dr. F are joined tonight by Bob-Marc (a Martian hipster on a mission to the Mission), DJ GeekFreak (the only Scotsman to own a toothbrush) and FKO (we'll wait for the lab results before describing him). Join the whole holiday crew tonight for 2 hours of incessant wailing, followed by modernization of our industrial capacity, then a meticulously choreographed gymnastic musical number about starvation.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Grieving The Loss of a Reliable Theme.

In the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco and Bob Marc the Mission Martian Hipster explore the masturbatory ramifications of things that did not happen.

What if Jimi Hendrix was still alive? Would we be now listening to his Duos album with Céline Dion and Matchbox 20 while waiting for our dental hygienist appointment?

What if Al Gore had won the 2000 Presidential Election? Oh wait, he did. But indulge us anyway. Would we be making vacation plans for Kabul Disneyland and driving around the block over and over in our algae-powered Hummers just because we can since an era of hitherto unknown prosperity had been ushered upon us since we figured out how to stop global warming by using the excess heat to power giant servers distributing 24-7 funny cat video programming?

What if the people who ask you for money in Wikipedia were less ugly? Would we feel worse about not donating a red cent?

What if Leonidas and his 300 had surrendered at the Thermopylae? Would we never have the opportunity to sit in a crowded Castro movie theater as hundreds of gay men cat call sweaty, muscled, attractive buff dudes in sandals and spears?

These and many other pointless questions argued enthusiastically. Call 415-875-9051 to weigh in.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: What if Radio Valencia only ran meaningful radio shows hosted by reasonable people who knew what the hell they were doing?

According to James Brown, it's a Man's world and lately for the past few thousand years things have been going from bad to catastrophic. Guys definitely got some 'splaining to do. And so in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Karen Carpenter, Dr. Fiasco, Bob Marc the Mission Martian Hipster and SPECIAL GUEST DJ GEEK FREAK wonder aloud what Women would do with the place in a positively X Chromosome-saturated show. Call the show at (415) 875 9051 and let's discuss the relationship. It's Ladies' Night, no cover charge and two free drink tickets.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Because for every successful man who says behind every successful man there is a woman there is a woman who's wearing footy pajamas to bed tonight.

Everyone knows the only people who care about Inner Beauty are interior decorators. And in the FINAL BROADCAST of NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND, Dr. Fiasco, Karen Carpenter and Bob Marc the Mission Martian Hipster will be the judges, jury and executoners of the first beauty pageant for people with great faces for radio. Listen as they demonstrate their talents and sashay in their bathing suits while the hapless show hosts try to make a entire radio show out of this inane premise.

NOSE HAIR LINT GLAND: Little Prince our asses.